Carlisle and Esme: Their Lives and Love
by ermireallydontcare
Summary: The story of the lives of Carlisle and Esme. Starting with Carlisle's human life and lonely vampire beginnings, then Esme's human life, before looking at how they first met, found each other again, fell in love, married, and built themselves a family.
1. Burning

**This is going to be a look into the lives and love of Carlisle and Esme.**

**This story will hopefully cover everything in their lives, starting with Carlisle's human life and transformation, then travelling through his years alone and Esme's human life, before covering their life together.**

**It will tell the story of their lives pre-twilight and then cover the events of the Saga.**

**Oh, and I don't own Twilight, obviously.**

**If you're a new reader, then feel free to ignore the notes about chapter updates. If you're not, then if a chapter has been updated I have left a note at the top of it stating when the update was posted.**

**So these first few chapters are all Carlisle, as we have 200 years to cover until Esme is born.**

_**This first chapter was updated 09/06/11**_

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**~ Part One: Loneliness and Loss ~**

1663

_Carlisle_

Snap. Crackle. I recognized with disturbing ease the sounds of a fire. The scent of burning filled my nostrils as the smoke quickly began to fill my lungs. The scent that followed was worse, the rotten stench of singed human flesh. Unable to prevent myself, I began to cough, as the cloying scent choked me. I knew I wasn't suppose to react like this, that my father wished for me to stand there cold and stony like him.

Who was being burned this time? Who had my father condemned to die this horrendous, torturous death now?

I tried to look for the bonfire but the smoke surrounding me was too dense.

Instead, I tried to listen for the sound of screams, so that I could follow the sound to its source. To which ever pitiful, luckless person was producing them.

But aside from the fire, there was silence.

I was unnerved now, I felt my heart begin to speed up. A feeling of unease spread throughout me. This wasn't how things played out. I had witnessed this scene enough times to know this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Where were the screams? Where was the heckling, sneering crowd? With their faces full of hatred and condemnation, whipped into a religious fervour for all the wrong reasons.

And where was the fire that all this smoke was coming from?

The menacing crackling of the fire I still could not locate grew in volume, surrounding me.

And then suddenly, with horrified realization, I knew exactly where the bonfire had been lit.

The pain hit me in that instant. A pain so intense it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I tried to look down, to see my feet as they burned, to see the flames lit beneath me, but I could not. I was tied rigidly to this post, unable to move, unable to escape.

But still I tried. I tried with all my might to fight against the bonds. Desperately seeking relief from the torture that overtook my lower body.

The silence ended then. I could hear the crowd heckling me now, booing and shouting insults.

"Devil!"

"Demon!"

"Heretic!"

Through the smoky haze, I saw my father, watching on uncaringly.

I realized I had started to scream. Blood-curdling screams. Screams of desperation. The screams of a man being tortured as the unbearable pain began to move up my legs.

With a sudden jolt, I sat up out of my bed. My breathing came heavily and my heart still raced as I tried to calm myself.

_Just a dream. Just the nightmare again._

In the bed beside mine, my father grumbled in his sleep and turned over, but luckily did not wake up.

The night around me was silent. The rest of London was obviously asleep.

I could still smell smoke and burning flesh. It was a scent ingrained in my memory that I was unable to shake. I took a deep breath to fill my nostrils with fresh air but I couldn't rid myself of the nauseating stench that seemed to cling to me still, even here in my bed.

_There'll be no more burnings_, I reminded myself forcefully.

Recently my father's health had been falling into low repair. He still managed to find the strength to deliver his daily fiery sermons from the pulpit, but I had taken command over all his other duties, including the trails of the accused. Since then there been a dramatic drop in the number of people who were condemned. I had already seen too many innocent people burnt at my father's orders, forced into watching them as they died an excruciating death. All I had been able to do back then was try to block out their pitiful screams which filled the air while the fire consumed their bodies.

I planned to put a stop to that - but not everyone else agreed with my views.

'A dutiful son', that's what everyone calls me. 'A dutiful son following in his father's footsteps.' The people of the congregation always used that sentence with pride, as though I could do nothing better with my life. As though this was what I was always destined to become and nothing more.

I suppose, in a way, they were right. I come from a clerical family. My grandfather, Carlisle (my namesake) had also been the pastor of this parish. My oldest Uncle, also called Carlisle, had always been the one who was due to follow in his footsteps, until he died of typhus at the age of sixteen. At which point, my father, John, had been hastily trained in how to preach as his father did.

My grandfather died two years before my birth, but as a child my father was keen on telling me stories about his own father. It was my grandfather's supposed last words that have always stuck with me.

'Cure the world of evil, son,' he ordered my father on his deathbed. An order my father follows zealously to this day, if in a way I do not approve of.

That is why I worry when people referring to me as 'following in my father's footsteps.' I do not wish to do as he did and religiously follow a dead man's beliefs. I want to follow my own instincts. My own mind and heart. The very same mind that tells me that so many of the people who are killed by him are innocent. The same heart that pities their wretched souls.

I didn't wish to follow in his footsteps, and pursue those who were innocent. Those who were guilty of nothing more than being a little different or ill. Or of being a different religion to us. For were we not all human? And does this Bible not tell us to love thy neighbour? My father and I interpreted the holy text very differently. For where I saw God's forgiveness, he saw God's vengeance.

I shook my head in frustration at myself. Thinking all this through yet again was not productive when it came to the matter of falling back asleep.

I settled down once more in my fitful attempt to sleep, tossing this way and that in an attempt to get comfy. But, no matter what I did, every time I shut my eyes I saw the bright light of a burning bonfire. I heard a tortured scream. This time, I saw the little girl's tortured face.

There was one particular execution I would never forget. She was a child of five, an orphan off the mean streets of London. They had said the devil spoke to her, possessed her. That she was a 'devil child'. I had only been six at the time myself; just old enough to begin to understand what my father did. I had watched from my father's side as they dragged her to the stake and bound her. It wasn't the first time I had watched the burnings, but it was the first time I failed to understand why it was happening. All the others had been simple for me to understand; they had been condemned as evil, therefore they must die. But she had seen so helpless, so fragile. Certainly not something to be feared.

_She is a mere child like me; surely they can not intend to kill her,_ I remember thinking in my youthful naivety.

"Father, what are they doing to that girl?" I had asked.

"She is a devil child, boy, she must burn for her sins," he had replied coldly.

"They will burn her?"

"Of course."

"But she is only a child like me."

"She is a possessed child. She is tainted with the devil. She must die." He had spoken with an air of finality. But in my youthfulness, I had been determined to keep asking, to try to understand.

"But-" I never got to finish my sentence, as my father had struck me across the back of the head.

"Do not argue, boy. Do not have sympathy for those who cooperate with the devil. If a child is corrupted, then they must die. There is no consideration for those who choose to taint themselves with the stain of evil and ungodliness."

"But how do you know she is guilty?" I had asked with child-like innocence.

"Be quiet, boy." It was a direct order and I had not dared to disobey it. I had watched in disgusted fascination as they had let the flames at her feet, but as soon as her screams began, I could take no more. I had turned to leave, but my father had stopped me.

"Watch it, boy, watch what happens to the sinners of this world."

"But, father, what sin has she committed?" Naïve as it was, my child's mind had not been able to understand what crime a child so young could have committed.

"Shut up, boy, and watch. She is a cursed child. A sympathiser of the devil. This is what happens to those who turn their back on God." So I had been forced to watch as the girl slowly burned. To this day I have never been able to forget the anguished look on her face, or her screams that filled the square.

I received many thrashings from my father throughout my childhood, but the one I got that night was the worst of them all. Afterwards he had told me that if I ever acted in such a way again people would start considering me a 'devil sympathiser', and that if I wasn't careful it would be me they bound up and tied to the stake.

And that was why I never said anything as those that I knew to be innocent were killed for their supposed crimes against God. I was scared of sharing their fate.

I'm not certain how soon afterwards the nightmares started.

Finally abandoning any attempt to sleep, I thrust the covers back angrily and stood up. I grabbed my shoes from being my bedside and stole out the door, being careful to make barely any sound. Stopping only to pick up a candle which I lit on the dying embers of the fire, I crept through the kitchen and out the back door in a similar manner. Once I was out our backyard and on the street, I relaxed slightly, paying less attention to the sound my footstep were making. As I walked down our street, they became quick, hurried footsteps to get me away from the house as swiftly as possible.

At the end of the street, I turned to look back at the short spire of my father's Church. It was by no means a grand place, but it looked like such a quaint little building when it was bathed in moonlight, like what it was a suppose to be – a place to honour the glory of God's creation.

I knew it was foolhardy and risky to walk around London at such a time, yet whenever my nightmares kept me awake and I felt restless in my bed, it was what I did. There was a certain peace to London at this time a night, early in the morning when even the drunkards and beggars had succumbed to sleep.

These were the streets I knew so well, in both the light and dark. The houses of my father's parish.

As I wondered aimlessly, I focused my mind on what I had to do now that I was in charge, rather than what had gone on in the past.

I had tried, in the last six months since I had taken over from my father, to be more selective in whom we damned. So far I had refused to send anyone to be burned. My father had watched with ill-disguised disgust as I continually refused to condemn those that his parish claimed were guilty.

Up until now I had never been willing to speak out against the burnings, even while in my heart I knew the people were innocent, due to the fear of being burned that my father had instilled in me that day many years ago.

Once someone had been accused, they were beyond help. Getting myself accused alongside them would be a pointless exercise, or so I had told myself. To ignore it made me feel dirty, like a weakling, but what else could I do back then?

_I may not have been able to stop him from burning people back then. But I have seen enough innocent people die to know that I never want to be the one who gives the order which condemns them to a slow and painful death._

I was pulled from my troublesome thoughts by a blood-curdling scream. I ran hurriedly through the streets for its source, in the direction I thought the sound had come from.

I knew this was dangerous, that I was probably about to be embroiled in a situation it would be better to avoid – most likely a murder, for the scream had been the last desperate cry of a dying man. Yet I couldn't fight my desire to help, whatever the consequences might be.

As I ran I waved the candle around frantically to shed light onto the deserted streets, though dawn would break soon there was still not enough light to see adequately.

Eventually I reached the bank of the Thames. Bending down over the wall, I held the candle so that is shed it light on the sandy bank below me. All I managed to see in the flickering light was just the usual mess of rubbish that always littered the banks of the Thames.

My common sense told me it was time to go home, yet curiosity got the better of me. Recklessly, I jumped the long distance down to the sand below, landing too heavily so that I nearly fell.

The candle had gone out by now and I dropped its remains on to the bank, but luckily there was just enough light to see here as I was no longer in the shadow of the houses.

I scanned the banks once more and my attention was drawn to a lump laying in the shallow waters, which I walked over to investigate.

It was a man's body.

He was clearly dead. His face was frozen in a state of pure terror, his mouth still open from where it had framed his last terrified scream.

Though the water had washed away the majority of the blood, the large flesh wound in his neck was still obvious. I couldn't help but stare at it in horrified shock for a few moments. It looked as though the man had been attacked by a large animal, but how had that happened in London? Somehow, my first thought of murder still seemed more likely, but what act of murder would leave a wound like that? It was not a knife wound or a gunshot wound. It looked as though the person had been bitten to death. But who would commit such an atrocious crime?

Involuntarily, I shivered. Clearly, we were dealing with an unprecedented level of evil here. My father's talk of curses and witchcraft suddenly made a lot more sense, for what other than a creature of a Satan could commit such an act?

A low growl sounded from nearby.

My heart sped up and I looked around wildly. Whatever it was, it was about to kill me too. I began to pray silently and desperately. Even though dying was when you entered God's kingdom, I still had no desire to do so. I clung desperately to my desire to live, my eyes still wildly searching for the source of my impending death.

I saw him only for a few seconds, but it felt like much longer. He was clearly a demon. All I saw was pale skin and red eyes. Then he was gone.

I stood there for a few more seconds until my mind begin to work again. Then I ran. I ran the fastest I ever had in the opposite direction to where the demon had stood. I scrambling up the first flight of stairs of the bank that I came across and then ran through the rat-run of streets. Once I arrived at the Church I frantically thrust my key into the lock to open it.

Once inside, I collapsed to my knees by the altar and prayed for guidance. There was a demon, a true demon, here in the heart of London, and I knew I had to stop it.

For the past years of my life, I had been researching demons, as I wanted to chase true fiends when I took over, not the false demons my father did. To purge the world of true evils. To be true to my faith and my father, whilst not having to turn on my fellow man.

Now I had that chance. I was certain I had seen a true immortal on the banks of the River Thames. From the marks on the murdered man's body, I could guess at what the creature was. A bloodsucking fiend. A vampire. I could only assume the reason for my survival was the break of dawn.

I could do the Lord's work and not condemn the innocent, as I had wished to be able to do for so long. But I would need the strength and courage needed to do what had to be done, and so I prayed for it.

"Carlisle?" Father's voice rang through the Church.

Hurriedly, I stood up from the floor. I turned to face the door just as Father walked in.

"Art thou sick?" he asked instantly and for a fleeting second a look of panic overtook his face.

I shook my head. No.

"What is wrong with thou then?" I shook my head again, still unable to form words.

He scanned my face quizzically.

"Something has happened," he stated matter-of-factly. No doubt my shock was still plain on my face. "Out with it!"

"I saw a demon," I finally managed to whisper. Father's face whitened with shock.

"A demon?" he whispered.

"On the banks of the Thames. Near the entrance to the sewers."

"And what will thou do?" he asked me questioningly. He was turning this into a test and I was determined not to fail.

I took a deep breath before answering. "I shall catch it and shall rid London of it. We do not want _true_ demons loose in our fair city." I couldn't help the last sarcastic comment that slid of my tongue.

My father surprised me with his response. "Perhaps you will succeed in your chosen path yet, my son." It was the closest thing to a compliment he had ever given me. Without another word, he walked past me and towards the alter.

He stopped just a few steps away and his body trembled with the strength of his hacking coughs.

"Father, it is too cold in the Church. Go back inside, I shall set up for your sermon."

"I am too sick to give my sermon today, you shall have to do it. You will need men from the parish to help you catch this demon, this is the opportunity to get their support."

I was speechless, even when I had begun to take over from him, Father had never allowed me to actually preach before.

He turned to leave before I had a chance to reply. As he walked past me I noticed how much worse he looked, his face was worn and weary. He did not look like the man I feared at that moment, but just a worn-down pitiful old man.

"Thank you, Father," I replied.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I led the small group of townspeople towards the sewers, where I was certain I had seen the demon emerge two days earlier. They followed me through the narrow streets of London, fires and stakes at hand.

My sermon had been a success and the majority of the able-bodied men in the congregation had been more than willing to join me in the capturing of a 'true evil', as I had called it. The dispute between my father and me over the innocence of his victims was well-known to these people, even if it was very seldom mentioned due to propriety. Therefore they knew that when I was the one calling for the hunt there was no dispute over whether we were searching for a creature of Satan or not. I had no doubts about what I had seen. It was no human we hunted now as had happened so many times before.

I thought once more about the demon we now hunted. With its death I could achieve two things. I could help protect the innocent by showing these God-fearing people what a true demon looked like, and also, perhaps, finally, earn my father's approval. Stop being his nuisance son who had never done anything but kill his wife. It should not have mattered to me, yet it still did. Up until two days ago, I had never received anything even like approval from him. Maybe that could all change tonight.

As I continued to lead the small group through the winding streets of London, I considered once more my father's particular branch of justice. In leading this hunt he seemed to think I was truly following in his footsteps for the first time. I did not bother to diverge him of this idea. For what harm did it do, to give a sick man some comfort? I knew what I was doing was different to what he had done, but if it pleased him to think I was copying him then I would let him be. I knew in my heart that I never truly would do as he wished and yet I couldn't help but find joy at the idea that he might actually be proud of me for once.

By now I had led the group to the bank of the Thames.

_Will it show this time?_

If it truly was a blood-sucker, it would probably be drawn out by our presence. No doubt it was my blood that had enticed it towards me the first time round.

My heart was racing as I remembered my first encounter with it. But I was ready for it this time, or so I tried to convince myself. Every nerve on my body was alive; in my right hand I nervously spun the wooden stake I would use to kill the creature.

We were nearing the stairs I had fled in terror up two days previously when I thought I saw a flash of movement at the entrance.

_Wasn't so difficult to draw it out then, _I celebrated.

It moved so quick I was lucky to have seen it; I don't think anyone else in the group had, but I knew what to look for.

It had disappeared up a side street. I ran at my full speed in the same direction, leaving the rest of the group behind me. Coming to a stop in the middle of the street, I looked around wildly, looking for some clue as to where the demon had gone.

Suddenly, it emerged from an alley that came off of the street I was stood in. I just had time to notice the pale skin and the demonic red eyes once more, before it attacked me. I was pushed roughly onto the floor and my head hit the cobblestones painfully. I felt the creature's mouth clamp down on my neck and could feel its treacherous breath against my skin, and then there was a piercing pain as it bit down and began to drink my blood greedily. I tried in vain to break free of the creature's grasp, squirming and pushing against its hold, but it was to no avail. As I remembered the stake in my hand, I swung wildly in the direction of the creature. I thought I heard a sound that could almost have been a gargled chuckle.

_How dare it! It laughs at me while it is killing me._

For surely I would die now. I thought of my life, and how little I had achieved with it.

_I should have stood up for what I believed in __sooner__. Should have refused to watch on while innocents were killed._

But it was too late for that now. Those thoughts were nothing more than empty regrets.

_Will I make it into Heaven? If I do, will it be the merciful God I have always secretly imagined who will greet me there? The one who wanted to look after the innocent and weak? And if so, will He turn me away for my failure to protect those less fortunate? Or will it be the vengeful God my father preached about? If so, will He turn me away for my belief that those that my father had condemned should have been spared?_

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered the sound of footsteps growing closer. With a sickening jolt to the stomach, I realized it must be the rest of the group. I wanted to shout at them to run but was in so much pain that all I could do was scream.

I felt the creature pull away from my neck and disappear from my side, but the searing pain didn't decrease.

In fact, it began to spread, to become unbearable as it spread further down my neck and into the rest of my limbs. Realisation dawned on me.

_I am not going to die tonight. I am going to be damned instead._

_Oh mighty Lord, hear my prayer. I pray to thee to deliver me death. Amen._

The prayer was all I could think of as the pain engulfed my body. I would rather die than be damned.

_How will Father react if they tell him of my death? Will he grieve for me? Even if knew what really happened? __What will he think if he finds me like this?_

He would order me to be burned, without a doubt. It was that thought that motivated me to move. To fight through the pain and attempt to drag myself from the middle of the street, where someone would surely find me soon enough if I stayed. I forced my mouth to clamp shut, biting down hard on my bottom lip, so that no more screams should give away my position. I could only assume the rest of my group were dead by now. That thought stabbed through me like a knife.

_In my vanity and stupidity, I led them to their deaths._

However, preferable they were all dead and with God now, then in my position, so close to the brink of damnation.

Yet even as I thought about how death was better than damnation, I still dragged myself along the cobbles in my desperate attempt to find some cover.

Ever since that day seventeen years ago, when my father had first mentioned that if I continued to show sympathy for the condemned then I to would burn, I had been determined to not die at the stake. Even now, when I wished to die, I would not have my life end in those fires. It was this determination that allowed me to drag myself across the street, and drop myself down the stairs into a nearby cellar. Seeing a pile of potatoes, I forced myself under them. It was excruciatingly painful to force my body to move and to stay quiet at the same time, when all I wanted was to lay still and scream till it stopped. But still I made sure every part of me was covered before I gave in to the raging pain within me.

This only made things worse as I was now fully concentrating on the pain. I was unable to move anymore though, it was so severe. It felt like how I had always imagined being set alight would feel, except in my nightmares the pain was never this intense.

In my desperation to avoid the fires of the stake, I had managed to bring them upon myself anyway.

_And I have condemned myself too._

It was out of my control now though, in the hands of God, or the devil, or whoever currently held my life in his grasp.

I could do nothing more but try not to scream, as the fire engulfed me.

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**So, what did you think of the first chapter, and the concept for the story as a whole? Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	2. Sunrise

**Updated 04/04/11.**

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1663

_Carlisle_

The burning was finally receding, but that thought brought me little relief. I could only assume that once the fire was over, my transformation into a demon would be complete.

_Will I become no better than the fiend who attacked me? Will I attack innocent people for their … their blood? _The thought disgusted me. I tried to imagine myself attacking someone and draining him or her of their blood, but it was an unthinkable thought.

_Surely, I could never do that._

But would I have a choice given what I was now in the process of becoming?

_A blood drinker. A vamp … vamp …_ I couldn't bring myself to finish the thought. I just couldn't envision myself as such a creature, and yet I knew that was what I would be when I resurfaced.

As the last of the fire cooled, and I felt my heart stop, I made a promise to myself. I would not kill anybody. There was only one foreseeable way to keep this promise.

_I have to destroy myself._

It was the only acceptable option available to me. I would not live the rest of my life as a cold-hearted murderer of innocents.

Slowly, and without opening my eyes as I could not bear to see myself, I stood up from under the potatoes. As they fell off me and dropped onto the floor, the sickening smell of rotten potatoes lessened in my nose. The scent had been overwhelming, much stronger than I ever remembered it being beforehand.

_Before I… _I couldn't finish the thought. I knew denial would get me nowhere and yet it was so comforting to cling to it. To try and tell myself that maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out alright in the end. That the fires had served a different purpose, were just a short test of my faith, and nothing else had happened. That I was still human.

_But my heart stopped…_

Maybe I was dead instead and now the fire had stopped I was allowed to enter Heaven. Maybe the Catholics had been right after all and there was such a thing as purgatory and that was why I had suffered through the fires.

Any of those ideas were more comforting than having to face the most likely option.

As the stench of the potatoes receded from my nostrils, it was replaced with a aroma much more tempting. My mouth watered at the scent, except I realised the substance filling my mouth was no longer salvia. I did not even want to consider what it actually was. My throat, which was the only part of me still burning, burnt hotter then ever. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I recognised the sound of several heartbeats, as well as a set of footsteps, which were walking closer towards where I was stood. Another part of my mind recognized that this was not right, that I should not be able to hear such sounds with such clarity from this distance.

The tempting scent was become closer as well, pulling me forwards automatically. My eyes flickered open on their own accord and I saw for the first time the cellar I had hidden in. It was non-descript, dark and damp, full of old boxes and crate. The only noticeable feature was the pile of potatoes littering the floor. Yet, despite the plainness, of the scene, it was the brightest and most colourful place I had ever seen.

My mind processed all this in under a second, while it had been doing so my feet had moved me of their own accord to the only door that exited the place. In the next second, I was up the stairs. My movements were not being coherently thought through, my body was acting on its own accord and to fulfil its own desires.

"Susanna, come back, if thou art going down to the cellar, take this down for me," a sharp voice rang through the room from somewhere above me.

"Yes, mama," a little girl replied, her voice was sweet and gentle.

The footsteps started heading away from me, presumably they belonged to the girl whose voice I had just heard, and she had turned around per her mother's request.

My hand was now on the door handle, the door half-open. As the girl's footsteps grew fainter so did the trace of her perfume, or whatever it was, that was so strong and called to me. With it gone, I was able to regain some control over my thoughts.

There could be no more denial now. I was not human anymore. The evidence was too substantial. I was creature of the Devil. I was a demon. A blood-sucker.

_Blood!_ Was it that which I sensed of the young girl? Was that why it called to me? Why the mere presence of its aroma caused my throat to burn so excruciatingly that I could not fight my desire to cool it. It stung too much, I could not cope. I would have to cool it soon.

_By killing! _I reminded myself, outraged. My throat prickled against me in response, reminding me of what it needed. How it could so easily be made content once the girl returned.

_The girl! A young girl! If __I am here when s__he __returns I will__ surely kill her! _

Even while my mind recoiled in disgust, my body produced more of the liquid in my mouth and my throat burned even rawer, informing me yet again of my new body's eagerness for her death.

The scent of her blood still lingered in the air, though it was not as strong as it had been earlier. My throat continued to burn undeniably and all I could think of was that I had to cool it. It was intolerable, I could not fight its need.

_No! No! No! I will not kill._!

I did the only thing I could think of doing. I fled. Fled into the streets of London, knowing I could not be in that cellar when that girl arrived, for I would surely kill her. I

t took all the self-control I was still clinging to desperately to force myself to run from the promised delight when the girl returned.

_No! No! No! Not a delight! Murder! A sin! A crime! An act of unforgivable cruelness.!_

It was sheer luck that it appeared to be the middle of the night, so late into the night that it was in fact quite probably several hours into the morning. The same time of day I had once so frequently wondered London during, though I did not recognize any of the streets. Somehow, in such a short amount of time, I had managed to flee my father's parish.

_And I must never return._

There could be no denying that fact. For my father would no doubt have me killed.

_Yet did I not just promise myself I would make sure exactly that happened?_

If I had promised myself I most die, then why not return? If anyone would make sure a demon like me died it was my father. And wasn't that what I wanted? I did not want to live this cursed life.

_But he will burn you at the stake._

I did not tremble or shiver at that thought as I usually would have, this body no doubt would not allow me to do something as human as that. But I still felt the moment of fear.

There was no reason to involve my father is my desire to die. No doubt I would take the poor ill man over the edge if I did, which would as good as kill him, sick as he was.

_If I did not do so first._ The dark thought scared me and yet I could not argue against its truth, as much as I desired to do so. Father was human. His blood would no doubt be as enticing as the young girl's had been. If I were to go near him I would no doubt kill him. And the entire congregation while I was at it most likely.

_I will not kill_, I reminded myself once more. To my utter most disgust, my new body had tingled with delight at the thought of killing my father and his entire congregation.

I resumed my running, determined to be beyond the limits of London as soon as possible. Luckily, just as they had been when I partook in my night time wonderings, the streets were deserted. It was that time of night I used to love, when even the rowdiest of London's inhabitants were at rest. I dread to think what would have happened had I appeared hours earlier, when the streets would still have been filled with drunkards and scoundrels. Perhaps not innocents, but I would not have wished to kill them all the same. After all, killing a drunkard is still murder.

By nothing more than luck, I did not encounter another living soul.

_Though actually, I am not one of them any more –__a 'living soul', _I reminded myself. I was neither alive nor had a soul anymore. For no creature such as myself could still be considered one of God's creations, and therefore my soul most have been ripped from me while I transformed into the demon I now was.

All around me, I could hear the heartbeats of the sleeping. And the alluring scent - the scent I quickly established was that of humans and their mouth-wateringly tempting blood - was all around me. Intoxicating me. Every minute I spent in London I knew was another minute where lives were at risk.

So, despite my body's outraged protests, I kept running. I noticed how fast the world was flying past me. The houses should have been blurry and yet my newly enhanced sight meant everything was still crystal clear to me. I would have marvelled in its magnificence if it was not a side-effect of becoming a demon. Proof that I was undeniably no longer human.

Within a short while I was out of the city limits.

_How had I travelled so fast?_

I soon realized it was just another of my new body's abnormalities like the heightened senses of smell, sound, and sight.

Finally, I stopped in a field, I had no idea where I was except that I had left London safely behind me. Somewhere in the distance, I noticed a lone farmhouse, but it was too far away for me to be tempted by its occupants. Looking eastwards, I noted the purple and red hues to the sky. If everything I had researched about vampires - for I realised I had to face that was what I clearly now was - was true, it did not matter that I was near humans, for as soon as the sun rose I would no longer pose a risk to them. Wasn't that why the demon had let me be the first time he saw me? Because of the impending dawn and the risk it posed to him.

The irony did not escape me. I had wanted to escape being burned at the stake, but instead I'd had to endure the fires that transformed me, was tormented by the dry ache in my throat and, in the end of it all, would be burned out of existence by the sun.

Under other circumstances the dawn breaking over the English countryside would have been a delightful sight; especially with the improved vision my … condition seemed to have given me. But I was in no mood to appreciate it, as I waited numbly for the end.

However, as the first of the sunrays lit the fields with a glorious glow, I did not burn, nor feel no pain. Instead, as the sunlight hit my skin, it was reflected back, glittering in a way that would put the most precious of jewels to shame. Every colour of the rainbow was there in my skin, visible only when the light hit.

I stared in horror at the unnaturalness of what was apparently my hand, terrified by the skin, the body, that did not belong to me. But despite my disgust, I could not look away; the beauty of it, the many sparkling colours, entranced me. I flipped my right hand over several times in quick succession, watching as the glittering colours blurred.

My trance was disturbed by an ear-piercing scream. Looking up, I spotted a woman stood in front of the farmhouse in the distance. She looked around about middle-aged and was still in her nightclothes.

A portly man barrelled out of the door and placed himself in front of her.

"Stay away, creature of sin," he shouted at me, he sounded truly terrified. He held up a large cross, much like the one I vaguely remembered hung in my father's church. Even as I focused on the man and woman, a part of my mind was able to note the peculiar dimness of my memories of my father and his cross, even though the sight of him preaching in front of it had been a daily occurrence for me.

The cross in the man's hand had no noticeable effect on me.

I knew I should run. At the moment I had gotten lucky and the wind was blowing their scent in the opposite direction to me, but it would not be to long before I caught a hint of it. I knew that they would die if that happened. If it hadn't been for the wind, I presumed the monster within me would have already won by now.

The majority of my mind was screaming run, but some part of it was transfixed by the look of horror on their faces.

_They fear me. I truly am a monster._

And so I ran away again, before any harm could come to them.

I ran through fields after field, careful to always avoid any sign of human civilisation, after a few minutes a spotted a forest in the distance and aimed towards that instead. Hopefully in there I could manage to avoid human contact until I could find a way to rid this Earth of me.

_Even if the sun and crosses cannot kill me, there has to be a way. I must find out what it is, before it is too late and an innocent person dies at my hand. There has to be some way out of this living embodiment of Hell._

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**Reviews are greatly appreciated. What did you make of Carlisle's awakening?**


	3. Alternative

**Updated 04/04/11.**

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1663

_Carlisle_

I had tried everyway I could think of to end my existence. There was no material sharp enough to cut my granite-like skin so that I could bled to death, though I wondered if I now had blood anyway. Or would I no longer have blood running through me because I refused to acquire it in the violent manner my new body desired?

Jumping from a cliff had no effect, except to damage the rocks at the bottom. It was while I was attempting to drown myself that I discovered I apparently don't need oxygen anymore.

No, there was only one thing my body needed, the thing it craved more and more each day. Human blood. The burn in my throat was a constant torment, increasing gradually as the days went past and I continued to deny my body what it desired.

I stuck to the wilderness, trying to stay as far away as possible from the villages, towns, and cities. If I saw any evidence of human life on the horizon, I turned and fled in the opposite direction.

I was not heading in any particular direction or to any particular place. I did not even know which part of the country I was currently in. My only task was my own destruction, one I worked effortlessly on but to no avail.

_This cannot continue. There is no way I can avoid humans indefinitely. There has to be a way to end it somehow._

I knew that if I by accident became anywhere close to a human, then the instincts that guided my new body would now win. I worried tremendously about what would happen if I were to come across a travelling man or an outlaw in the forest. For this reason, I stayed in the deepest sections of woodland, far away from the roads or any of man's other handiworks.

A part of me, the new part that was governed by the burn in my throat, rejoiced at the thought of when my luck ran out. But another part of me, the part that was still governed by the rational human side of my brain, recoiled. For now, the second part, the humane part, was winning the battle that raged within my body. But only just. My body would not allow me to continue to refuse myself what it needed so badly for much longer. Eventually the demon within me would win and someone would die.

_I cannot allow that to happen._

But, as the days went by and I continued to exist, it seemed increasingly likely that that day would happen. The day when I chanced to stumble upon some luckless human and murdered him brutally. The attack on myself and the horrifying wounds of the body I had found stuck out in my mind, despite how unclear the memories were when compared to my recent memories that had occurred after I had undergone the chance that made me the monster I had become. I had seen my own scars now as well, a revolting savage looking collection of rigid, bumpy lines from where my neck had been brutalized. I lived in fear of attacking someone in the same violent manner. It was not just the thought of murder that disgusted me, but the manner in which it would be committed. I had once thought that doing so would be an atrocious act of evil and I still did. I would not, could not, commit such an act.

But there seemed to be no alternative. The longer I refused to give in, the stronger the desire became, until it would surely win. My throat was a constant torture and my will to deny it what it so desperately wanted weakened every day as it stabbed and prickled me mercilessly. I wanted to cure that burn. Wanted to rid myself of the pain. And yet, giving in was simply not an answer. No matter how tempting an idea it seemed at times, I knew I could not give in. I would never forgive myself. I would hate myself even more if I did so.

But I was losing the strength to fight myself, and eventually I knew it would get to the point where if I saw a human I would pounce upon it, much like a starving human offered a slice of bread.

_Perhaps that is the answer. Just like a human would die without food, will I wither away into nothingness if I continue to deny myself the substance I need?_

It was my only option left. I could not continue to dart around the English countryside, seeking higher cliffs or deeper lakes. I had to make sure I was hidden in a place no human would ever find me, and then slowly allow myself to weaken and die. And I needed to do it now, while the rational side of me was still strong enough to fight the instincts of the monster I had become.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The cave was perfect for my cause. There was no sign of human life for miles around, nothing but undisturbed countryside. I could remain in there uninterrupted for however long it took me to - for want of a better phrase - starve to death.

I crawled in and leant against the back of the wall, my legs crossed in front of me. Sit like that I only just fit inside.

There was nothing to do now but wait. Wait for the end to come, slowly and painfully. And I would embrace it joyfully when it did.

_This has to work. I will not kill innocent people. I will not be the one deciding who lives and who dies. That should be God's decision and God's alone. _

_But if that is true, then what did I do to deserve such a punishment as eternal damnation? For surely, even if I do die, there cannot possibly be redemption for a creature such as me?_

I do not know how long I had been in that cave, slowly weakening, when I caught the scent that spurred my instincts in to action. It all happened before I had even realized. One moment I was sat in the cave, contemplating my own death, the next I was out in the fresh air of the forest. Once I came to my senses once more, I just stood shell-shocked for a few moments at the sudden change of events. The first thing I realized was that the burn in my throat had decreased. It was still there, but nowhere near as painful as it had been. For the first time since I woke up as this demon, it seemed to be at a level I could tolerate. Then horror washed over me at the thought of what I'd done; thinking the monster within me had finally won. That all this meant I had finally caved in an killed a human, for what other possibility was there? Then I had forced myself to look at the corpses at my feet, forced myself to face the fact that I was murderer. That I had committed an unforgivable act of evil

They were deer corpses.

I have never felt such relief as I did then. The excitement came next, for I did not fail to understand what this meant in the long-run for me. The feeling was liberating after so many weeks of anxiety and worry.

_How did I not think of this earlier?_

My body craved blood, but it did not have to be that of humans.

I laughed out loud at the obviousness of it all.

_There is an alternative._ _I will not have to kill humans._ _This is the answer. I do not have to be a monster. After all, I ate venison as a human, how is this any more monstrous?_

For the first time in weeks, I felt hopeful.

_But what will I do now? _

I had been so focused on ending my life, that I had not once stopped to consider the thought of what a vampire does with itself. Why would I have done so when I thought that allowing myself to live was not a viable option? But now, I had all of eternity stretching out ahead of me, and no idea what to do with it.

_I have to consider this as an opportunity. Now that I know there is an alternative to human blood, I should attempt to make the most of what has happened to me. Perhaps there is some way to use what I am as an advantage. Perhaps God does have a plan for me after all._

Hope surged through me at the thought, even though, as of yet, I had no idea what said plan could be. I had all of eternity to figure it out.

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**Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

**From here on in, I will be speeding through the years a little bit, with much bigger time jumps between chapters. Since if I continue with three chapters per year, it will be over 700 chapters before Esme even arrives in this story.**

**I felt an in-depth look into Carlisle's transformation and feelings straight after were needed, but for the rest of his life pre-Esme I will simply be looking at a few key moments.**


	4. Gold Eyes

**Updated 04/04/11.**

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1664

_Carlisle_

As I sneaked through the manor house, it was hard not to feel like nothing more than a common criminal.

_Is this what I've been lowered to? As if spending my life skulking around forests isn't bad enough. _

I looked at my ragged clothing. I had not changed clothes since my transformation, and had spent a year roaming the English countryside hunting animals, so my clothes were understandably nothing more than tatters now.

_But what else is there for me to do aside from my endless wondering?_

A part of me longed to actually do something with my endless days; to put them to some use.

As a human, I had wished to be able to go to one of the grand universities and study. But it had been an impossible idea, as I was nothing more than a pastor's son and destined to follow in his footsteps. And now it was still impossible. I could hardly walk into a university with blazing red eyes and ask about classes. I probably wouldn't even make it to the door without killing everyone who happened to be present. Despite my discovery of an alternative, it was still human blood my body craved above all else, even as I continued to deny myself any.

A few months ago, I had decided it was time to taste my reaction to human blood. I had carefully ran to the outskirts of a small village, but once there the aroma of human blood had been over-powering. I had forced myself to hold my breath, I did not need the oxygen anymore and it cut of my sense of smell. Even without the scent present to torture me, it had still been difficult to force my body to flee back into the forest once more.

I had not tried since, recognizing the foolishness of the idea to begin with. For what would I have done had the scent not over-powered me? I could hardly just casually stroll into a town without starting mass hysteria, and rightly so.

_I can't even walk into a tailor's for new clothes, and am instead lowered to stealing from someone else's house._

After a year in the same clothes, I had to face the fact that I would either have to acquire myself some new ones or I would soon be forced to run through the forest stark naked. And while my doing so would not actually have mattered, after all nobody ever saw me so it was hardly cause a scandal. I would not accept the idea. I may not have been human anymore but I was not an animal either.

However, since I could hardly obtain clothes legally, it would appear stealing was my only option, loathsome as it was.

It had caused me great internal debate. For what choice made me more humane? Running around naked like a wild animal or stealing as the lowest form of human did. Thieves and criminals were looked down upon as though they were a sub-species of humanity anyway. How did joining their ranks make me anymore human than acting like a wild animal?

The answer: a sub-species of human was still more human than an animal. Or me, for that matter.

In the end, I decided the matter just had to be dealt with and all I could do was try and do it in the least bothersome way possible, so as to cause the less distress to my victims.

A part of me noted, in an attempt to comfort myself, that I least the crime I was committing was only petty theft, and not murder. I could only assume that most members of my species would solve this problem by stealing their clothes from their victims. At least I would not take someone's life as well as their clothes.

However, it did not matter how I tried to justify my actions, I still felt like nothing more than a common criminal

Which I suppose I was. Except there was nothing common about me.

The people who owned the house I was currently sneaking around in were at church. I had purposefully waited until it was Sunday, knowing that everyone would be out of the house, and there would be no risk of someone spotting me.

But still, using someone's religious beliefs to help me rob them just added another uncomfortable layer of immorality to the whole embarrassing episode.

Finally, I reached the master bedroom and quickly located the closet. I had chosen this house as the family seemed well off, and therefore I would hopefully not be stealing anything that would be missed.

I searched for the oldest clothing I could find and picked out only the essentials that I needed. I could only hope that with them being the most worn-looking of the clothing, the man who they belonged to didn't wear them that often anymore, and consequently they wouldn't be missed.

I turned to leave the room, eager to get out of this house and have this whole shaming incident behind me. As I turned, I noticed a small mirror left on a table. I could only presume it belonged to the lady of the house. I had not seen my reflection since the change. I used the quick glimpse I had got of the vampire who changed me to imagine what I now looked like.

Though I had no real desire to see myself with the red eyes of a demon, I knew this was essential if I was to truly come to terms with what I now was. Despite everything, I was still clinging to humanity, even though I knew I should not. I was not human anymore. I had to accept this fact.

Looking in the mirror, I was amazed by what I saw. My eyes were not the monstrous red I had expected, but a golden honey colour.

_Why is that then?_

As I looked in the mirror, I realised I could almost pass as a human. Perhaps then, in time, I would be able to walk among humans without giving myself away for what I was. I would certainly look peculiar to them still, but I don't think anyone would guess at my true nature.

While I could never truly be human again, if I could learn to control my thirst then what harm could I do in pretending to be among them. Perhaps even with my improved senses I could be of use to them, though how I don't know.

I felt the most optimistic I had been seen my change, even more so than when I had discovered the alternative of animal blood. For now, not only could I not kill humans but I could live amongst them. I could take back some of the humanity I had lost.

_And if I can be among humans and live amongst them, then I can stop living the life of a hermit. _

_I would need to earn some money though, and I am not stealing it, having to steal clothes is bad enough. So what can I do?_

It was a question I couldn't answer. I placed the mirror back where I had found it and left, carrying my ill-gotten clothes.

As I was leaving, I noticed a broken window in the kitchen. Beside it was several planks of wood and some nails. Clearly someone had been planning to board it up, but had got distracted or run out of time.

It took me only a minute to board the window up; it was the only payment I could give for the clothes I had taken.

As soon as I arrived back in the forest, I stripped my ragged clothes off and dressed in the ones I'd just stole.

The scent of a herd of deer caught my attention. I wasn't particularly thirsty, but I wasn't going to let the chance of a hunt go amiss.

I took down three of the dear and drank my fill. I was about to bury them, when inspiration struck.

_How much do deer hides sell for at markets nowadays?_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Ahead of me, the hustle and bustle of the market could clearly be heard.

Over the last few weeks, I had been slowly adjusting myself to entering human civilisation once more. First, I had walked through a village at night, after doing this several times I had felt bold enough to move onto the next stage, which was to walk through the village by day. I had to be extra careful though and also watch the cloud cover, for it would have been impossible to explain away my abnormal glittery skin. The villagers would scream at me in horror as the housewife did on my first day as an immortal.

Next, I moved onto towns, for villages were not large enough to have substantial markets. I used the same system. Firstly, I allowed myself to stand on the outskirts during the night, if I seemed in control then I would allow myself to walk through the streets for a few minutes, the time increasing on every visit. Then secondly, I would walk through the town during the day.

And now I had reached the final stage, having to actually interact with humans.

As I approached the market at a human pace (something it had taken time to perfect during my practises), I allowed myself to breath slowly. The bouquet of human blood filled my nostrils and as always my throat burned. Though it was as bad as it had ever been, I still had more control over myself than I had in my first year. My mind seemed to be slowly gaining more and more command over my unruly body and instincts.

It was a small market, with just a few stalls. Still having no money to be able to afford to rent a stall, my plan was simply to stand at the entrance of the market and hope to attract the attention of those entering and leaving.

Other entrepreneurs had decided upon this same plan. They all looked distrustfully at me as I arrived. I tried my best to ignore them as I lay my wares out in front of me. The majority of humans walked straight past me, only paying me enough attention to give me a suspicious glare. I did not blame me, my golden eyes may have helped to hid my true identity, but I was still clearly, at least in my eyes, something not human. I was trusting on human ignorance for them to be tricked.

A little girl was the first to approach me.

"Hello," she whispered timidly.

"Hello," I replied, trying my best to make my voice calm and re-assuring. The act of speaking caused her delicious scent to fill my senses. For a second, I had a fleeting desire to kill her before I suppressed it.

_This is playing with fire, Carlisle!_ I warned myself .

"Fluffy!" the little girl announced proudly, stroking the deer hide.

"That's right," I told her, in what I hoped was an encouraging voice. I had no idea if I was using the right tone to portray what I meant as it had been so long since I had spoke to anyone but myself.

"Elizabeth!" a woman shouted, grabbing the girl by the arm. "Leave than man alone," she scolded. She looked at me worriedly. I smiled to reassure her, but she shivered and hurried away. My smile fell instantly. Apparently, my smile only made me more intimidating. Running my tongue along my razor sharp teeth I could understand why. Some long buried human instinct of preservation would subconsciously tell them these were the teeth of a predator. Perhaps that was why humans were so afraid of me, not just how obviously different I looked, but their own long-buried instincts informing them stay away from me, even if they don't understand why.

_Remember not to show your teeth when you smile next time._

With no more interest in me or my wares, I began to observe the humans around me. My curiosity was insatiable as I had never been around humans like this before, stood in one place and watching them as if I was one of them.

"What a creepy guy, does he never blink?" one of my fellow vendors whispered to another.

"Or move?" the other whispered back.

Of course, humans had to blink and humans could not stand perfectly still as I did. It took great thought to open and close my eyes to perform the action humans do subconsciously, the same applied to moving. Every so often I very purposefully shifted my weight from leg to leg as if I was tired. I shuffled my feet as if I was bored. I begin to observe those around me once more, but this time so as to copy their movements.

I noticed that when I did this, the inquisitive human looks were a lot less afraid. They were still drawn by my mysterious looks but my forced movements made me look more humane and less intimidating.

Fifteen minutes after I had first begun those movements, a man approached me. He was a rough-looking man and I noticed there was no fear on his face. My throat flared uncomfortably once more but as always I fought against it. I thought instead of my hopes of living amongst humans once more and how this could be the first step towards that goal. A goal I hoped would led me towards whatever God's purpose for me now was.

"Two pence for a hide," he said gruffly. He fidgeted uncomfortably, despite his earlier indifference his closeness to me was causing him to be anxious, though I could see him trying to hide it. He seemed the sort of man who would not allow himself to show fear or seem weak. I was surprised at myself when I realized I was observing human traits and thinking as they did.

"Agreed," I replied. I had no idea if I was being ripped off or not, I was just pleased to make my first sale.

The man placed two pennies in my hand, took his hide, and left swiftly.

I clutched the two pennies in my hand, mindful of bending them. I had made my first ever piece honest piece of money.

And I had made it as a human did.

I felt the least like a demon I had since waking up to my new life. Maybe there was hope for me yet.

All this celebration over two tiny bronze coins. I wasn't even ashamed over that fact either.

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**As far as the deer hides go, well, the Cullen family fortune had to start somewhere, right? And you can't really live in human society without money.**

**And of course, reviews are always appreciated. Are you as amused as I am by the idea of the refined Carlisle Cullen having to sneak around someone's house to steal clothes?**


	5. Cross & Grave

**Fourteen years time jump now. I really did need to start quickening the pace.**

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1678

_Carlisle_

It had taken me fifteen years, but I had finally come back to my hometown of London. I was staying in an inn, not that I had any use of a bed, but it was a good place to keep my belongings. To most people it would seem a meagre collection, but I treasured every item.

I had taken to acting like a travelling hunter, except the weapons I hunted with were very different. But I had been able to sell deer hides, as well as the meat, and rabbit furs and meat as well, and had begun to make myself a pittance.

To begin with, it had been sheer torture to stand in a crowded marketplace, surrounded by humans. But I had learned to deal with it, every time I had thought I was close to giving in, I would gather my things and leave as quickly as possible without raising suspicion. On many an occasion I had to rush out suddenly, leaving my stall and belongings behind, to make sure I did not hurt anyone.

The money I now possessed was by no means a fortune, but it was enough to keep me looking presentable. However, not having to spend it on such human necessities as food and a place to sleep, I could save much better than most people and so could afford to buy a few luxuries.

My personal favorites were my clothes and my books. The clothes because I had bought them instead of having to steal them. Never again would I have to shamefully sneak into someone's house. The books because I was able to learn so much from them. I had bought books on history, languages, and science. My favorite at the moment was a book of anatomy I had purchased recently. It was by a man named Vesalius and was called De Fabrica Corporis Humani. Though the book was over a century old, and was only one of seven, it was the most interesting thing I had ever read. The pictures in it showed the human body in such detail. I had never realised how fascinating and complex the human body was until I read that book. I was planning to buy another book on anatomy as soon as I got the chance.

It was evening when I set off on the journey that I had come to London for. Slowly, I walked toward my old home. My father would be long gone, I knew. If I had thought there was a chance of him being alive, I would not have returned, cowardly though it was.

I stopped outside the familiar building. Blurry though they were, my memories confirmed I was in the right place. I could not remember much from my human life anymore. The sharpest memory was off the night of my transformation, and before that the burnings I had witnessed, particularly that of a young girl.

I could remember being afraid to be burnt myself one day and a part of me still feared the fires, even though that seemed irrational since I was now indestructible. Still, I always kept away from fires, be it bonfires on Guy Fawkes Night or a fireplace in a parlour.

Aside from the burnings, I could remember my father when he preached. He had always struck fear into his Congregation, and me, as he talked of demons and the Devil from the pulpit.

_I wonder what he said to his Congregation after my disappearance? Had he guessed what might have happened, and told them the Devil had claimed me? Or had he mourned for his son? _Though these questions plagued me, I would never know the answer.

As I stood outside my father's old church, I listened to the sound of the Pastor inside. Whoever he was, he was not my father. I relaxed a little; I would not have to face my father today. If he wasn't here that could only mean one thing - he was dead. I would never have to face his judgemental attitude again. But a small part of me was disappointed. I realised that, though most of me had dreaded the idea of a confrontation with my father, a part of me had longed to ask him for an explanation. Ask him why he had always been so cold and distant to his only son. A slightly sadistic part of me had wanted to see his face when he realised what I now was. But mostly, I realised I had wanted a chance to make my peace with my father, and now I never could.

The congregation began to file out and recklessly my feet propelled me forward. Walking the same journey they had carried out countless times, but never in this body.

"Can I help you, my son?" The new pastor must have been in his forties. He surveyed me with a concerned look.

"What happened to Pastor Cullen?" I asked. The man looked at me confused, I couldn't blame him. For all I knew he could have been my father's successor's successor. I had forgotten how much time had moved on since I had last been here. Forgotten that human's died and changed, while I did not seem to have aged a day since my transformation.

"He died thirteen years ago. I'm his successor, Pastor Brown. Did you know him?"

"Yes," I answered without thinking. As soon as I said it, I started calculating how old I would have to claim to have been._ I look about twenty-three, and he died thirteen years ago, so I would have to say I was a maximum of ten when I knew him. And what reason can I give for searching down a pastor from my childhood?_

Pastor Brown still looked confused, but there was none of the suspicion I was expecting.

"He is buried in the graveyard just north of the city, along with his son."

"His son?" I knew I was in dangerous territory. That surely the man would start to question my suspicious behaviour soon, but I had to know more.

"His son was killed on a raid fifteen years ago. They say that Pastor Cullen was never quite right afterward, and he followed his son two years afterward." He was now looking at me with interest. "I was there when he died. I had all but taken over by then. In his last moments he was ranting about an empty coffin. He kept saying 'the coffin was empty, the coffin was empty'. Then he looked me in the eyes and said, 'my son was condemned for my crimes' and those were his last words. I never understood what he meant, until now."

I was staring at the man with unhidden shock, trying to process his words. _'My son was condemned for my crimes', what had my father meant by that? And what did Pastor Brown mean by 'until now'?"_

The pastor walked behind the pulpit and picked up the cross that hung there. He walked back to me and offered me it. I took it off him and looked at him questioningly.

"I was planning to have a new one commissioned anyway. You should have this, Carlisle. Remember your father."

Shock spread through me. _He knows who I am. Then he must also know what I am as well? Why is he not cowering away in fear?_

So many questions I had to ask this man, who appeared to know what I was and still was not afraid. But before my mouth could form the words, he turned on his heel and left wordlessly. I briefly debated following him, but could not stand the thought of scaring the poor man witless.

So I left the church, my mind still reeling from the encounter. I now had one other place I needed to go.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I walked through the graveyard quickly, the quickest I could without arousing suspicion. I was scanning the tombstones, searching for the one that belonged to my father, and me. I found it within five minutes.

It was a simple inscription. Just my name and the year of my supposed death, followed by his name and the year of his death. A part of my brain noted the irony of the walking dead visiting his empty grave, but most of it was evaluating the words I'd heard earlier.

_'My son was condemned for my crimes.' What had he meant by that? Was it just the crazed words of a dying man? Or did he know what had I become? It certainly appeared he had told Pastor Brown things that meant he had known who I was._

_For his crimes? What had he done that he considered a crime? Unless he had finally seen the error of his ways, seen the innocence of those he had condemned to death?_

Kneeling down beside the grave, I laid the wooden cross I was still carrying on top of it, and put my hands together. For the first time in fifteen years, I prayed. I prayed for the soul of my father and I prayed I would figure out God's plan for me.

As I stood up and walked away, I made a promise to myself. I would leave the past in the past and move on. Whatever had happened in my human life, there was nothing I could do to change it now. Looking back, I saw the wooden cross still lying on the ground.

_I must move on, but I should still keep a reminder. To stop me from forgetting completely._

I went back to the grave and picked up the cross. Then I exited the graveyard, knowing I planned to never come back.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was the middle of the night as I stood on the white cliffs of Dover. There was not another being in sight. I had packed my most necessary belongings, some clothes, my anatomy book, and my cross, into a hopefully waterproof leather bag, which was strapped to my back with rope. After making sure there was definitely no one around to witness it, I jumped from the cliff and into the waiting English Channel. Then I began to swim toward France, away from my home country and past, and toward my future.

* * *

**What did you think of the fourteen-year time jump? Any opinion on Carlisle's father's last words and my version of how he got the cross?**

**Also if any historical details are inaccurate, please do tell me. I haven't studied the 17****th**** century in history in years. Though I did do history of medicine two years ago, which is where I got the idea for Carlisle to have a copy of Vesalius' book from. Anyway, Google and the Internet are being highly not useful whenever I try to research something, so if you feel something sounds historical inaccurate, it would be very much appreciated if you were to just point it out to me.**

**Oh, also, the part where Carlisle thinks he can't get killed by fire, that's because he's never met another vampire yet (aside from the one who changed him), and therefore is still ignorant about how you kill a vampire.**


	6. University

**German translations are at the bottom. Thank you to Wolfskind over at Twilighted for your help!**

**Updated 09/06/11**

* * *

1690

_Carlisle_

I was watching carefully as the professor dissected the corpse in front of us. The blood that trickled out of it was cold and old, but the air was still filled with its rich aroma. My throat burned in response, but it was tolerable.

_If it were fresh blood, it would be a different story. _

I listened intently as the professor pointed to each part of the body. I already knew all of what he was saying, it was one of the advantages of a photographic memory and endless nights in which to read, but concentrating on his words helped to take my mind off the burn in my throat.

Dissecting corpses I could manage, but it was as far as I was willing to push myself for now, as far as medicine was concerned.

_To most this would seem ridiculous, the vampire who wants to be a doctor._

To begin with, I had taken classes in language and history at the universities in France. Moving on to the next after graduating from one. But the idea of studying medicine was something that had caught hold of me. So when I moved on from France to Germany, I enrolled as a student of medicine. So far I was only taking the anatomy lessons, as I could hardly train to be a surgeon.

I had wanted something worthwhile to do with my existence, and what could be more worthwhile than saving lives? It seemed the perfect solution.

Unfortunately, to pursue my chosen path, I would have to learn to tolerate the scent of blood.

_Will I ever be able to do so?_

It seemed impossible. I tried to envision a future where I could work around blood without fighting the want to kill everyone in the room, but I just couldn't see it.

_Perhaps I am wasting my time? For if I can never be around blood, how can I possibly be a doctor? Maybe I should stop this whole ludicrous notion, before someone gets harmed due to my stupidity._

We were ordered into pairs to work on dissecting bodies of our own. I was paired with Herr Kreisler, who did not look to impressed by this and we said very little as we got to work. This did not bother me though, I could not blame him for it.

I had earned myself a reputation for being standoffish and distant. This was on purpose, as I had learnt that it was better if people kept their distance from me. I did not need prying eyes questioning my oddities. I had turned down the offer to rent a room on-campus. and was instead renting a room on the outskirts of town, which had the added benefit of being near the forest to hunt.

"Ow! Verdammt, mein Daumen! Ich blute! Gib mir ein Tuch!" Herr Kreisler's shout caught my attention at the same time as the narcotic scent of fresh blood washed over me. I froze on the spot, automatically stopping myself from breathing. A few of the others looked up from their work, before looking down again in disinterest, seeing it as nothing more than a slip-up with a scalpel. But to me it was an unfolding distaster.

"Steh nicht nur rum!" he shouted at me. He was right. _I should not just be standing here._ I turned on my heel and fled the room while I still could.

"Herr Cullen, where are you going?" the professor called after me in German.

_What can I say to him? I'm a student hoping to go into medicine who's squeamish of blood? It would sound less stupid if I told him the truth!_

"Are you alright?" he asked when I didn't answer.

"Fine, danke," I replied.

"Where are you hoing?"

"To get a cloth," I lied.

"There are cloths in the dissection room, Herr Cullen, and you know it," he challeneged me

"Oh yes, my mistake. I forgot," I murmured with an apologetic smile. The man looked at me like I was an idiot.

_Perhaps I am. Why else would I think studying medicine was the ultimate reason I became a vampire?_

"Well, let's get back to work then," he ordered. I had no choice but to follow him back toward the room.

Herr Kreisler looked at me curiously when I returned.

"How's your thumb?" I asked him.

"Gut," he replied. Without another word, I picked up my scalpel.

"You're scared of blood?" he asked me, sounding amused.

"No, I went to get you a cloth," I replied, irritated.

_Great, from here on in, I'm going to be known as the medical student that's scared of blood. Just great._

"Whatever you say." I shot him a look of annoyance without thinking about it. He shuddered involuntarily, suggesting I had gone a little to far.

_I should not take pleasure in scaring humans. But at least he has shut up about blood._

The rest of the lesson went without incident or any mention of my supposed squeamish.

I left as soon as I could, but the rest of them hung back, muttering to each other. I did not bother listening into their conversation - whatever trivial thing they were planning, it was none of my concern. I could hardly participate in their plans to go to the inn to get drunk and chase girls, which were there usual evening activities.

Most of my fellow students were from privileged families, who had come here under pressure from their parents. This made the majority of them insufferable fools, who thought they were above everyone else.

I heard them following behind me, and the second they walked through the doors I knew trouble was coming, as the scent of fresh blood once again washed over me.

"Herr Cullen," I heard Herr Schrader shout. He was the ringleader of his little well-off posse which I tried my very hardest to stay as far away from as possible.

The scent of blood was still in the air and the most prudent option was to just speed up and ignore him. I began walking as fast I could without appearing inhuman, or so I hoped.

It wouldn't be the first time I had misjudged my speed. A few weeks after my arrival in Paris, I had been walking around the city during the night, when a very persistent whore had stopped me. The speed I had fled from her had been enough to surely give me away as not mortal. Luckily for me, she was the only person around to witness the incident.

I heard running footsteps behind me and the scent of fresh blood seemed to be getting closer.

"Wait! I have something to show you." Realising running was no longer an option, I reluctantly turned around.

He had all but caught up to me, and I noticed he had a cut on his finger, much like the one Herr Kreisler had on his thumb earlier. I stopped breathing again as the flames in my throat reached a new height. Finally reaching me, he placed his bleeding finger in front of my face.

_For the love of all that is holy, does he want to get himself killed?_

"Look! Blood! Scary, isn't it?" he mocked me with a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

The rest of them cracked up laughing, like his little stunt was the funniest thing they had ever seen.

_I doubt they'll be laughing once I've attacked their leader. It's not like he wouldn't deserve it. He just stuck his bleeding finger in a vampire's face._

"Look at him, he's still not breathing," Herr Schrader chortled.

"Wow, he can hold his breath for a long time," one of the others noted. They were all watching me with interest. I had no choice. Under their watchful stares, I would have to breathe again.

I tried my hardest to breathe only through my mouth, but I still caught the scent of the blood. My throat flared hotter than ever and the liquid I now assumed was venom pooled in my mouth.

_He's an insufferable fool. No one will miss him. Or his idiot friends. They're nothing more than a few ignorant humans._

It took all the self-control I had to swallow the mouthful of venom. My eyes were still locked on the oozing trickle of blood on his finger.

_I am not a killer. I will not kill today, _I argued against myself.

"Very scary," I replied dryly. I forced myself to walk away. My body screamed in protest at every step, telling me to go back and kill them.

Once I was clear of the buildings, I headed straight towards the forest. The clean air, free of the taint of humans, filled my lungs and my head cleared. As it did, I realised with horror what I had been thinking.

_Had I really be encouraging myself to kill them? Is my control that weak?_

As I ran through the forest, trying to catch the scent of deer, there was one thought that was most prominent.

_What am I doing? This is too risky. What was I thinking? How can I ever become a vampire doctor? I can't even be in the same room as fresh blood! How could I ever of thought I could study medicine?_

* * *

**German translations: 'Ow! Damn, my thumb! I'm bleeding! Go get a cloth!' & 'Don't just stand there!' I wasn't certain how to show that everyone is speaking German, as I couldn't have the entire dialogue in German, obviously. So I had those two sentences, where Carlisle is listening but not taking part in the conversation in German, while any conversations he participates in are written in English, aside from the odd word such as 'Herr' or 'Danke'. I hope it wasn't too confusing.**

**Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated. What do you think of Carlisle's ongoing struggle to be around blood?**

**I tried my hardest to research what it might have been like to study medicine in the 17th century, but again Google and the Internet were not very useful. Again any historical inaccuracies I take full blame for, as I was basically making it up as I went along.**

**I was also highly amused when one of my Google searches on the 17th century had the 'Visit Carlisle' tourist page 4th in the list. (Carlisle as in the Northern England town.) Weird coincidence or what?**


	7. Doctor

1742

_Carlisle_

After the near-disaster in Germany, I had simply left town and never shown up at that university again. My professor and classmates had probably presumed I had dropped out because I was scared of blood.

_I suppose they would have been right in a way._

I had all but given up on the idea of studying medicine after that episode and probably would have never considered it again, if it hadn't been for a chance incident three years later.

I had been staying in a small Prussian town. Having purchased a house in the outskirts as usual, I had hoped the townspeople would simply assume I was some rich eccentric and keep their distance. I had not been doing much with my time aside from hunting and reading. Ever since leaving Germany three years previously, I had felt like I was doing nothing more than simply existing, with no purpose or plan to speak of.

One day I had been returning from a hunt, when I had heard the panicked shouts of a man in pain. Fully aware that there was no one else around to hear him, I had decided I could not just leave him there, despite the precariousness of having to explain why I was in the middle of the woods.

Rushing toward his shouts, I had almost recoiled when the scent of fresh blood washed over me, relighting the just-cooled burn in my throat. It was lucky I had just hunted beforehand and therefore had not been too thirsty.

I could have fled and left the man to what I could only presume was his death. Or I could have stayed and tried to help, risking his life in the progress.

_Hadn't I once wished to use what I was as an advantage? To try and save lives? This is my chance to see if I could do that. _I remember thinking.

But still I had hesitated. I had stood frozen, my thoughts unable to decide what to do.

_What if I fail and kill him? Will my attempt to save his life actually end up killing him?_

_But if I leave he will surely die anyway? It had to be better to at least try and help?_

_How do I know someone won't find him and help him if I do leave?_

"Oh thank god. You have to help us. We were felling trees when my friend slipped and cut his leg with the axe. He's bleeding everywhere and can barely move. I had some bandages, but it's not enough. We have to get him out of here."

I had hesitated too long and the decision had been made for me.

Together the man's friend and I had carried him to my house on the outskirts of town. Of course, I could have carried him by myself and quicker, but it did not seem wise to bring attention to that fact. My throat had burned the entire time, screaming at me to kill the man. But I had ignored it, focusing instead of getting the man to safety.

I had not even realized we had been heading toward my house until we got there, I suppose it had been a sub-concious decision on my part.

"This is my house, we can take him in there," I told his friend.

"No, we need to find him a doctor," his friend argued back. The injured man was no longer shouting, but protesting feebly, and I knew he had lost a lot of blood.

"I am a doctor," I replied impulsively. His friend looked surprised, but did not say anything, and together we lead the man into my house and onto the bed I never used.

When I had first started studying medicine in Germany, I had bought a small box of medical supplies out of intrigue, and also excitement at finally pursuing an idea that had nagged at me for decades. Though I had not even considered the idea since leaving Germany, some small part of me had refused to throw them away, knowing that in doing so I would be truly giving up on my vision of myself as a doctor.

Inside the box there was some bandages, a couple of needles and some thread. Upon first purchasing them I had been fascinated by the idea that it was possible to sow up skin, and had tried to imagine myself doing it one day.

As I had unwrapped the botched attempt at a bandage from around the man's leg, the scent of blood in the air had increased and my throat had burned worse then ever. I had frozen, torn between my mind's desire to help and my body's desire to kill.

"Erm … doc, everything okay?" His friend's anxious question reminded me off his presence.

_They would both have to die. And you do not want to do that. You do not want to kill them._

"Fetch me some water," I had ordered his friend. He had disappeared without a word.

Once his friend returned, I had washed the wound on the man's leg and used the needle and thread to stitch him up. Though I had never done the procedure before, I had read about it many times, and with my vampire reflexes was able to do a good enough job of it to stem the bleeding. The burn in my throat was ever-present throughout, but I had realised my desire to save the man's life was stronger than my desire to kill him.

I had left the town I was living in shortly after that. Despite their thankfulness the two men had still been somewhat suspicious about the whole incident, and the most prudent action was to move on. Plus, I had wanted to move to a city with a university that taught medicine. I had proved to myself that I could save lives, and the idea that doing so was my purpose had once again taken hold of me, fuelling me with hope.

Since now and then, I have finally earned myself a degree in medicine and have worked in several hospitals across the continent.

I still think of that day often. I do not even know that man's name, but he is the first life I saved.

In my darkest hours, when I am struggling with my thirst at the hospital and wonder why I even bother, I try to remember that day. I wonder if he had a wife or children and what they would have done without him. I remind myself that by fighting my thirst, I was able to give them back their husband and father. I endure pain to help others and their families. That whatever pain I may suffer, it is ten times less than what someone who has lost a loved one must go through.

* * *

**Another short chapter, but I needed a way to show that Carlisle does eventually become a doctor.**

**What did you think of my version of how Carlisle became a doctor? Reviews are always appreciated. I would love to hear your thoughts, good or bad. **


	8. Volterra

1783

_Carlisle_

I was slowly making my way across Europe, choosing a town and working as a doctor for about five years before moving on again. Sometimes I had to move on quicker due to my colleagues growing suspicious.

I was currently in Italy, heading toward Rome.

Travelling by carriage was impossible, as the horses shied away from me. So I ran to each of my new destinations, while having my possessions taken by carriage ahead of me.

It was when I was near the border of a small Italian town that I caught a smell unlike any other I had sensed before. Curiosity compelled me to investigate the town. As I got closer I realised there was not one strange scent, but many of them, all subtly different.

I heard movement behind me, but it seemed too quiet and light to be that of a human. I could smell one of the strange scents becoming much stronger. Turning around, I found myself crouching instinctively. But before I could no anything else, there was a hand at my neck and I was forced into the wall.

"Chi sei tu?" my captor hissed at me, in a language I recognised as Italian.

"Carlisle Cullen," I replied. My captor's face was mere inches from my own and I realised he had pale skin and red eyes.

_He's another vampire._

Never, in over a century, had I come in contact with another vampire, to the point where I believed we were a very rare species.

"I assume you want to speak to my masters?" he asked in Italian.

_His masters? There were others here? _Suddenly realisation dawned on me. _It's the scent of vampires. But there is so many. How many vampires live here?_

After living for over a century without coming into contact with any others of my kind, the idea I had stumbled across a town of full of vampires by accident was ridiculous, but seemingly true.

"Your masters?" I asked, also in Italian.

"Aro, Caius, and Marcus of the Volturi. What other purpose could you have for being in Volterra?"

"I was here by accident, but I would indeed like to meet your masters." I was intrigued by the idea of other vampires and wanted to find out more about them.

"Follow me then," he said and then let go of my throat. "Don't try to escape, it wouldn't be worth your while." Looking at the vampire in front of me I could believe that. Together we ran at vampire speed through the streets of the town.

He led me to a side-door of what appeared to be a castle.

"After you," he said mockingly, opening the door. I walked through it and he followed.

"I'm Felix, by the way. If you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with your eyes?"

_So golden eyes are apparently not a common vampire feature then._

Over the years I had theorized that my golden eyes were caused by the differences in diet between my creator and me. Felix's question suggested that, if my theory was correct, my diet was not commonly participated in.

"I believe they are like this due to my choice to live off animal blood."

"What? Seriously? Why would you choose to do that?" Felix's confusion confirmed my conclusion; I was not your average vampire.

"I have no wish to murder humans," I replied defensively.

"Surely you have to have killed before though," he said unbelievingly.

"No, I have never drunk human blood." I would have said 'I have never killed a human', but I had witnessed to many patients die to believe that statement was fully true.

"Never?"

"Never," I confirmed.

"Well, that's just unbelievable. Aro is sure going to be intrigued by you." I wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not.

"We're here," he said. We paused outside a set of large decorative doors; inside I could hear the sounds of people chattering in several languages. Then he walked through them and I followed.

The room we entered was grand, but what took me by surprise was the number of vampires within it. Several dozens pairs of red eyes followed me curiously as Felix led me to the centre of the room, stopping in front of three vampires sat in large ornate thrones.

_This must be Aro, Cauis, and Marcus._

The one in the middle looked at us with interest, the man to his left looked annoyed, and the one to his right looked like he simply didn't care.

"Ciao, Felix, back early aren't you? And who's this?" the vampire in the middle asked.

Felix bowed. "Master, this is Carlisle Cullen. I found him in the streets of Volterra, he wishes to speak to you."

"Ciao, Sig. Cullen," he said to me. "I am Aro of the Volturi, welcome to Volterra. What brings you to our city?" He held his hand out to me, as if to shake hands.

"Grazie, I was heading toward-" I began as I grasped his hand. I cut off as the strangest sensation overtook my mind. Every thought I'd ever had seemed to be flying through my mind. As the last memory disappeared from my mind, I felt Aro let go off my hand.

"What was that?" I stammered, switching back to my native tongue without thinking about it. Aro chuckled at me.

"Sorry, I perhaps should have warned you. I have what we call a 'talent', Mr. Cullen," he replied, also in English. "Or should I say, Dr. Cullen," he added chirpily.

_How did he know that?_

Around me I could hear the whispers of others, they were all looking at me with confused interest.

"And what is your talent?" I asked.

"I can hear every thought you've ever had, with just one touch of the hand."

_Well that explains a lot then._

"You intrigue me, Dr. Cullen, I would like to learn more about your … _interesting_ lifestyle choice."

"It's not all that interesting, Aro, plenty of our kind have pretended to be healers to get at their prey before," the man to his left cut in, sounding annoyed.

_There are vampires that pretend to be doctors to kill their patients?_ The thought disgusted me. _How can anyone live with the idea of preying off the innocent like that?_

"Indeed, brother, but as you can probably tell by the look of disgust on his face, Dr. Cullen here isn't one of them." I quickly changed my facial expression, trying to look at ease. I fear I failed miserably to do so.

"I do not prey on those that are innocent," I corrected the vampire to the left of Aro.

"And how do you know which humans are innocent and which aren't before you kill them?" he asked sarcastically. "Dr. Cullen," he added with a sneer.

"I do not drink from humans," I corrected him again. The whispers around the room started up again in earnest. I ignored them and concentrated on the three vampires in front of me.

"Impossible," he spat at me.

"It's true, Caius, he had never tasted human blood. Haven't you noticed his eyes?"

The vampire called Caius regarded me with a look of disgust but didn't say anything.

"Well, Dr Cullen, I know the hospital in Rome is expecting you in a few days, but wouldn't you prefer to stay here for a while. After all, there are plenty of humans in Volterra who need a doctor. And you are eager to find out more about our kind, are you not?" he asked me eagerly.

"I am, and I would be must obliged to stay a short while."

"Then it is settled. Felix, please show our guest to a room in the guest quarters. I will have someone intercept your luggage carriage and have your personal belongings brought here."

_Intercept? He could not possibly mean …_

"Intercept?" I asked sceptically.

"Do not worry, Dr Cullen, we will not harm the human if you do not wish it."

"I do not," I replied stiffly.

"And I suppose you do not wish to stay for dinner either?"

_Dinner? He means humans?_ My thoughts recoiled with disgust again at the mere idea of it.

"No, grazie," I replied, struggling to keep my tone polite.

"Well I'm sure you can find plentiful deer in the forests."

"Deer?" Caius asked questioningly.

"If he's not going to drink from humans, he has to get his blood from somewhere."

"You drink from deer?" he sneered.

"Any animal will do, but deer are the most common," I replied defensively.

"Animals," he snorted. The whispers in the room sounded almost mocking now.

"Felix, show our guest to his room, please. You should just be back in time for Heidi's return," Aro ordered. Felix smirked happily at the mention of Heidi's return.

_Whoever Heidi is, I do not even want to imagine what her return means._

"Follow me then," Felix said, before turning to leave the room, as I followed him I heard Aro say in Latin.

"Of course not, brother, but perhaps we can make him see things from our perceptive."

_Their perspective? What exactly is their perspective? That I should drink from humans? If so, I will never see things from their perspective!_

As I walked down the hallway, the sound of human voices and heartbeats filled the air, as well as their scent. My throat burned slightly, but it was easily ignorable.

Looking at Felix, I noticed his red eyes were now black.

"That doesn't tempt you in the slightest?" he asked curiously.

"A little," I replied truthfully.

We walked through a set of doors and Felix pulled me out of the way as a group of humans passed us.

"Mi chiedo che cosa il lavoro che ci sono? Siamo così fortunati che ci hanno offerto un lavoro! " I heard a man whisper to the woman stood next to him.

_Work? They promise them work and then bring them here to die?_

Looking at the group, I realised how ragged they looked. Poor and desperate, they had probably jumped at the chance of work, even when it was offered by dubious sources.

_They think they are lucky to have been invited here. How wrong they are._

A part of me wanted to shout at them to run, to leave now if they wanted to live, but I did not.

_If I want to live around other vampires, I will have to get use to the fact that this is how they live._

_Perhaps, over time, I could get them to chance their minds. They want to get me to see things from their perspective; maybe I should try to make them see things from mine._

It was worth a try. If I only changed one vampires mind, it would still save the lives of many humans.

The humans were behind us now. I could hear their shuffling footsteps, as though they were nervous to be the first in. Their instincts were probably telling them that something wasn't right.

"Ciao, Heidi, very tasty looking," Felix said to a female vampire. It was the first time I had ever gotten a proper look at a female of my species. She was very beautiful, of course, as was all our species. It was a mesmerising effect. But there was something about her that ruined her beauty for me. The lines of her face were too hard, and her black hungry eyes stared uncaringly.

"Are you talking about me or the snacks?" she said saucily.

_Snacks? They refer to humans as snacks? _Repulsion and indignation colored my thoughts.

"Both," Felix replied with a grin.

"So, Felix, who's your friend?" She turned her attention toward me. Her eyes roamed up and down me in a decidedly unladylike manner. I suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable under her gaze, and wished she would stop looking at me like that.

"Carlisle Cullen, signora, nice to meet you," I said politely.

"Will you be joining us for the feast tonight?" Next to me Felix snorted.

"Not unless we're serving up deer," he replied for me.

"Deer?" she giggled.

Just then the sound of human screams filled the air, coming from the hall we'd just left. The scent of fresh blood saturated the air, as my throat burned slightly. However, compared to being in a surgery room, it was nothing but a slight nuisance. Both Felix and Heidi tensed and then licked their lips; I could see the wet venom shining there.

It went against everything I stood for to continue standing here, when I knew that people were being killed only a short distance away from me. I had pledged to dedicate my life to saving human life, and yet here I stood doing nothing to save the lives of those poor innocent souls in that room. It was hard not to loathe myself, even as I told myself this was a necessary evil if I wanted to be around other vampires. And I did for now. I was eager for answers to my many questions about the species I now belonged to, and to confirm if my many theories about us were correct. Plus, after spending over a century in forced almost solitude, it would be a pleasant change to be around those that I did not need to hide what I truly was from.

"The guest quarters are just down that corridor and to the left, you can have the first room on right," Felix told me, and with that he and Heidi disappeared in the direction of the hall where the screams were coming from.

I followed his instructions until I came to an expensively decorated room. I had never stayed anywhere so luxurious before.

_Why would a vampire guest room have a bed?_

None the less I sat down on it, as I let myself process everything that had happened in the last few hours.

_How long can I stay here? I will find out if there's any other vampires like me, vampires who do not want to harm humans, and then leave if not. I cannot be around those of my kind that kill humans for too long. To have to watch them kill day after day… _I mentally shuddered.

My thoughts remembered the faces of the humans that I had seen walking eagerly toward their own slaughter. I said a quick prayer for their souls, while begging forgiveness for not intervening.

Then there was Heidi, whose job appeared to be to lure them here.

_I wonder if anything is happening between her and Felix?_

As I thought that, I realised that there was one use that a vampire would have for a bed.

Female companionship was not something I had even thought of before, which was not surprising considering I had never even met another of our kind before today.

_If there are others like me, then perhaps there is a female somewhere that I could share my life with._

I could not stand the idea of sharing my life with a woman like Heidi, who apparently saw no harm in killing humans for her meal.

Even while I thought it, I knew, judging by the reactions of those I have met so far, that the chances of finding another vampire were like me were slim. Therefore the chances I would find a female to share my life with even slimmer, and that realisation filled me with despair.

_It's weird how something I have never even considered before today can bring me such dissapointment._ But now I considered it, I realised it would be the ultimate happiness for me. I was growing fed up with the lies and the distance I had to keep between every human I met. Already it would appear I was an outcast among my own kind. _How nice it would be if I could have a person to share my life with. Who could be there with me through everything. I would no longer have to spend my life in solitude with nothing but books for company. Someone who saw past all the barriers and illusions, and saw the real me._

The fact that I already knew it was unlikely made the new desire within me even harder to bear.

* * *

**English translations of the Italian, according to Google Translator: "Who are you?" & "I wonder what work they will have for us? We are so lucky that they offered us jobs!" **

**What did you think of Carlisle's arrival in Volterra? Any thoughts on his newly awakened desire to find a female he could share his life with? Reviews would be, like they always are, greatly appreciated.**


	9. Oddity

1783

_Carlisle_

"What about a criminal who has been sentenced to hang?" Aro asked me, signalling the start of a conversation we'd had many a time during my three-year stay in Volterra. I had to resist the urge to sigh in exasperation.

"Killing a criminal is still murder to me, Aro," I replied patiently. These conversations always went this way. Both of us trying to convince the other to see things through our perceptive, whilst stubbornly refusing to consider the other's perceptive.

_Why does he even bother? He has seen into my mind, surely he knows I will never bend on this issue? Unless he saw something that suggests I might …_

Aro's persistent determination to get me to try human blood unnerved me. If a man who had seen every thought I'd ever had believed there was a chance he could change my mind, then maybe there was.

"Murder," Aro scoffed. "Murder is killing another of your species. If you were to kill another vampire, then it would count as murder, Carlisle."

I had to resist the temptation to shudder at the thought. It hadn't been long into my stay in Volterra that I had leant how you destroy another of our species. The vampire had been caught trying to hunt within the walls of Volterra, an act for which the city-proud vampires of the Volturi had sentenced him to death.

I had watched on, turn between curiosity and repulsion, as they had ripped his body to pieces. But when they had started a fire in which to burn the pieces, I had been able to watch no more.

I could barely remember my human life now. I couldn't remember my father's face or his voice; it was what I had felt as a human I remembered strongest. The way I felt belittled when he had treated me like an object of little importance, my aversion to his condemning of the innocent, and my resolve to not be like him

My childhood was nearly all but forgotten, aside from one day. The day I had been forced to watch a little girl burn, and the fear of being burnt myself that my father has instilled in me that day.

I had promised myself at my father's grave that I would put my past behind me, but watching that young vampire be killed had brought everything back.

_He had been young and not known the rules, he was in many ways just as innocent as those my father burnt._

Again I had done nothing as I watched someone be killed. It made me feel as powerless as I could still remember feeling as my father condemned people.

My fear of fire had slowly been lost over the last century, as I had believed that I was indestructible. But now that I knew the only way I would ever die was via fire, my old fear was coming back with abundance.

Just like on my first day as an immortal, when I had waited for the sun to burn me to death, the irony did not escape me.

Ever since that first execution, I always stayed away when a guilty vampire was brought into Volterra. I could not watch the Volturi's executions, they reminded me too much of my father's own brand of justice. _And they did not help my newly reinstated fear of fire._

"Carlisle," Aro's chuckle interrupted my musings. "You were so deep in thought, don't tell me you are actually considering my offer?" he asked expectantly.

"No, Aro, I was not," I replied staunchly. "You know my feelings on this well enough."

"Indeed, but you claim to want to know everything there is to know about vampires, Carlisle. Can't you just consider this an scientific experiment?"

"The same applies to you and your refusal to experiment with my way of life," I countered.

"I have tasted animal blood through your thoughts and I know which I prefer."

_We could do this for days and neither of us would concede to the other._

"You will have to excuse me, I have a patient to visit," I announced and left the room. Shortly after my arrival in Volterra, Aro had set me up as a doctor to the townspeople.

As I walked through the halls of the castle, I noticed that even after three years the vampires of the Volturi still stared at me. I was still a freak to them, an oddity. I spoke mainly only to Aro, and in many ways was as isolated here as I had been for the past century.

"Stupid animal feeder, why is he even still here?" I heard a girlish voice hiss, and there was a low chuckle in reply. I did not need to turn around to know who they were.

Jane and Alec. They had joined the guard a few years before my arrival and had quickly risen through the ranks on the back of their extraordinary powers. Nicknamed 'the witch twins', there were plentiful rumors about them, probably started by jealous guard members. They ranged from petty complaints about greedy feeding, to scandalous tales of incest.

I ignored the angel-faced childlike vampire and her brother as I walked past them, but her question stuck with me.

_Why am I still here?_

It had not taken me long to realise there was no other vampires who lived like me and that my chances of influencing others were fairly slim. They had been one guard member, named Elezear, who had seemed intrigued by my lifestyle, but he had not stayed in Volterra long. Whatever he did on the guard kept him away from Volterra for the majority of the time.

My attempts at getting Aro to try animal blood were half-heartened at best; as even while I encouraged him to try it, I knew he would never really consider living by my alternative lifestyle.

_So why am I here?_

I did not know the answer to my question, except that the dread of being alone again ate away at me.

_Even though the vampires of Volterra treat me like an outcast, at least I don't have to hide from them._

In my heart, I knew I would not stay in Volterra the rest of my existence, but for now it was home.

_Home, I like that word … if only one day I could have a proper home where I returned to people who loved me for me._

It was a hopeless wish and I pushed my worries to the back of mind, concentrating on my patient's latest symptoms, as I walked through the streets of Volterra.

* * *

**Fairly short chapter, but I wanted a quick look into Carlisle's mind during his stay in Volterra. I would love to hear your opinions on my version of Carlisle's stay in Volterra. Reviews are always appreciated. **

**On a different note, has everyone seen the final Eclipse trailer? Anyone else have an amazingly fangirlish reaction like me? **

**Also for those wondering, I have about four more chapters planned before we hear from Esme for the first time. That's if I stick to my plan and aren't randomly inspired with the idea for another chapter between now and then.**


	10. Elezear & Carmen

1807

_Carlisle_

I wanted to leave. I had been in Volterra for over two decades now and I'd had enough. There were no other vampires like me here. The vampires here believed me to be nothing more than a fool. There was no reason for me to stay. I was tired of the exexutions and the murder of humans that were everyday life in Volterra. Fed up with being the oddity to be shunned and stared at.

_I was still alone, even in a crowd._

I wanted to travel to the New World. Over there they were supposed to be building a new chance at civilisation. A place where those who had failed to find their place in the Old World could go and try again.

_If anyone has failed to find their place in the Old World, it is I._

But in the twenty-four years I had been a part of the Volturi, I had never seen anyone be allowed to leave. Not permanently anyway. As far as I could tell, visitors to the Volturi got one option; join or die.

I tried hedging toward the idea in my discussions with Aro, but he always steered them away again. Usually back towards him attempting to fix 'my aversion to my natural food source'.

_Our conversations were no longer interesting, only exasperating._

I was sitting in the courtyard of the castle, reading a book on the latest medical advances, when I noticed a mated pair of vampires walking through it. They both had black hair and a hint of olive tone to their chalky complexions. The female looked scared and nervous, her vivid red eyes suggested she was a newborn. The male I recognised as a vampire I had met before. Elezear, he was the one who had seemed to show some interest in my lifestyle.

Noticing me, Elezear walked toward me, with the female following him.

"Hola, Sr. Cullen, I need you do to do me a favor," he said frantically in Spanish. He looked around cautiously, as though he was worried about who might be listening.

"Of course, what is wrong?" I replied, also in Spanish.

"Watch Carmen for me, while I speak to Aro."

"Why are you-" I began asking, but he had turned his attention from me to the female he had called Carmen.

"Te amo. Vamos a dejar este lugar y nunca regresar. No te preocupes. Estaré de vuelta pronto. Te lo prometo." Then he disappeared toward the castle.

_Leave? He was planning to leave the Volturi?_

I was not entirely certain what Elezear's purpose in the guard was, but I could tell it was something of importance.

_Surely Aro will never let him go willingly?_

"He's told me all about you," Carmen said to me in Spanish.

"Perdón?" I asked.

"You don't kill people, right?"

"No, I don't."

"He admires you for that."

_He admires me? Have I actually managed to change the opinion of somebody in this God-forsaken town?_

"I don't like having to kill people either, but I never knew there was a different option. The coven I was created into simply saw them as food, nothing more. They laughed at me when I mentioned my fears of killing someone I used to know as a human."

_She cares about human life too._

"What happened to your old coven? How did you meet Elezear?" I asked curiously.

"The Volturi destroyed my old coven, they were very lapse in destroying evidence of their feedings. Elezear had been watching us the night I argued with them about killing. He told the others I deserved saving. We are going to build a new life together. A peaceful life, away from the death and destruction of the Volturi. Do you think Aro will let him leave the guard?"

_Honestly, no._

"I hope so." I told her the only thing that wasn't a lie but wouldn't upset her.

Just then Elezear came rushing back into the courtyard. As soon as he got to Carmen he grabbed her and kissed her.

"Nos vamos! Nos vamos!" he chanted at her excitedly.

"Nos vamos?" she repeated excitedly. He nodded. She squealed excitedly and kissed him again.

_Aro is actually allowing them to leave?_

"You're allowed to leave?" I asked surprised.

"Yes," Elezear repeated excitedly. He looked at me with interest.

"You want to leave too, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied. "And travel to the New World."

"Perhaps we will do that, once we have finished travelling Europe," Carmen said to her mate.

"You should leave then," Elezear told me, his voice serious.

"Adiós, Sr. Cullen," Carmen said to me. With that, her and Elezear disappeared out of the courtyard, presumably to never return.

_If Aro will allow Elezear to leave, then surely I will be allowed too. After all, I was not a member of the guard and I had no special 'talent'. What reason could he give for keeping me?_

With new determination to start my life afresh, I sat down on my seat again, debating the best way to tell Aro I was leaving.

_I want a chance for a fresh start at life again, like Elezear has found with Carmen. From what Carmen said, she was suggesting that both her and Elezear did not consider me insane. Elezear saved her because she showed an interest in protecting human life. Maybe it is possible for others vampires to share my beliefs? Maybe I will one day find others like me. But I have to look for them, instead of holing myself up here in this castle of killers._

I smiled happily as I thought of Elezear and Carmen, and how happy they had looked to have found each other.

_Perhaps, I could even find a mate myself in the novel land that is the New World._

* * *

**English translations of the Spanish, according to Google Translator "I love you. We are going to leave this place and never come back. Don't worry. I will be back soon. I promise." & "We're leaving!"**

**Another short chapter, but I needed to cover Carlisle's feelings towards the end of his stay in Volterra, as well as what compelled him to leave in the end.**

**So what did you think of the catalyst for Carlisle's decision to leave, and of the little back-story I gave Elezear and Carmen? Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated.**


	11. New World

1808

_Carlisle_

I stepped off the boat into the port at New York.

_This is it - the New World. _A rush of excitement surged through me. _I am here at last, starting my life afresh again._

I was finally free from the shadow of the Volturi. It was not until after I lhad left them that I realised how miserable I had been there. Looking back with hindsight, I could see it had been a mistake to stay there past the first two or three years, perhaps a mistake to have stayed there at all. It had been slowly crushing me, staring into pair after pair of red eyes and knowing where the coloring came from. The knowledge that they killed indiscriminately the very people I worked to save.

But worst of all was the powerlessness I had felt to stop all of it. It took me back to my human life, the very life I had promised myself I would put behind me.

Elezear and Carmen's departure had certainly lead me to believe I could leave and should, but it was what had happened two days later that confirmed I had made the right decision.

By some misfortune, I had happened upon Heidi and her latest batch of 'snacks', as she did so uncaringly call them.

As I had known there was nothing I could do for them, I had tried not to focus on them. I had forced myself to look away and silence my tongue.

"Il dottor Cullen." I heard a voice shout desperately. I had turned my attention to the group of scared looking humans.

_How on Earth did one of them know my name?_

"Sì?" I had answered questioningly.

A young man had stood forward from the crowd. I had known I recognised him from somewhere, but I hadn't been able to tell where.

"How did you know my name?" I had asked in Italian.

"You treated me in Pisa. I was but a poor lad with no money to my name and you were willing to fix my hand for free," he had replied, lifting his hand to emphaise his point. Across it there was a faint scar of what had once been a bloody wound.

Once I had known who he was I had recalled the incident perfectly. He had been only a small boy back then, perhaps five or six, and now he was in his early thirties.

"You look exactly like you did that day," he commented amazingly.

Behind me, I had heard Heidi gasp.

"Would you like to meet my masters now?" she had asked the group. They all looked nervous and nodded reluctantly.

"Addio, dottore Cullen," my former patient had said to me.

_No! He can't go in there!_

I had rushed ahead of the group of humans and into the feeding hall I had only been in once before.

"Don't tell me you've changed your mind?" Aro had exclaimed excitedly. I looked at him with disgust. He looked at me curiously and then, for the first time since the night I arrived, he had placed his hand on me.

Again, I had felt the rush of memories through my mind.

"It is avoidable, Carlisle, he knows too much know. I'm sorry." I had looked at him sceptically, trying to figure out if his apology was genuine or not.

"Yes it is," he answered calmly, as he still had his hand on me.

"I can not watch on any longer and do nothing," I had said fiercely.

"I think you are right, maybe the New World is the best place for you to go," he had said to me softly.

Though I had still wished to do something for my former patient, as always there was nothing I could do to stop what happened in that atrocious hall. So feeling dejected yet again, I had left the hall and gone to my room to begin packing.

I had been much surprised when Aro had invited me up to his study before I left, where he had presented me with one of his works of Solimena, as well as a small fortune in gold. I had tried to refuse, insisting I could not take so much wealth off of him, but he had simply laughed at me.

"Despite our differences, I have enjoyed your company, Carlisle. Good luck, my friend. I hope you find what you're looking for." It had been a surprisingly pleasant goodbye, the very last thing I had expected after our exchange in the feeding hall.

And so here I was. The New World that I had been so eager to explore.

But even after only the short months I had spent on the boat, I was already missing the feeling of companionship Volterra had offered. It was the only part of my time there I had enjoyed.

_It may be a New World, but I am just as alone in this one as I was in the Old._

* * *

**Yet another short chapter I know, but all these short chapters are designed just to give us quick insights into Carlisle's mind at important moments during his time alone.**

**Reviews would be as appreciated as ever :)**


	12. Companions

**Eighty-year time jump now, as Carlisle traipses across the New World being a doctor for eight decades. **

* * *

1888

Carlisle

I had recently started work in Vancouver, Canada. Over the last eighty years I had criss-crossed across the United States and southern Canada, working at various hospitals along the way. During the long years of the civil war, I had worked as a battlefield doctor. I did not serve either the Union or the Confederacy; I simply healed any soldier who needed me.

I had marvelled as new medical advances kept being made, re-attending medical school for the first time since I gained my original decree, so as to keep up with all the latest discoveries and theories. The most spectacular of which was Louis Pasteur and Robert Koch's germ theory. At last, we knew what it was that caused disease and illness, and my fellow doctors and I were invigorated with this new knowledge. Now more than ever did we stand a chance at beating death. and disease. This coupled with the fact that the discovery of anaesthetics and antiseptics had made surgery much safer give the medical profession a sense of optimism like never before. There was plenty we still didn't know, of course. There was always a chance that something would go terribly wrong in surgery and you would lose the patient. I still had cases where, even with my supernatural advantages, I could not figure out what had caused someone's illness. But for the first time since I had started practising medicine, it didn't feel like the odds were completely stacked against me. The task of saving lives against the horrors of disease, illness, and injury was still an uphill journey, and probably always would be. But at least I no longer had to hold a screaming man down on the operating table. The days of watching on as my colleagues prescribed bloodletting – the most useless of treatments – as a cure for everything from a headache to a fever were over. What we still did not know aside, of which there was still a great deal, it was still a stimulating time to be a doctor overall.

I had left Vancouver yesterday evening and headed north to hunt. Tonight was the only night where I had not agreed to work the night shift, a schedule that earned me great sympathy from my peers, but suited my purposes perfectly.

Catching the scent of a bear in the distance, I quickly located it and took it down. I began drinking from it, when I suddenly caught the scent of another of my kind. Though my vampire instincts told me to protect my kill, I knew it was an unnecessary act. No other vampire would care to steal a bear of me.

I heard the sounds of vampire footsteps running closer and reluctantly dropped the bear. Before I had chance to do anything else though, I felt a powerful sting on my arm that quickly spread through me, and the pain caused me to crumple to the floor.

Getting off the floor as quickly as I could, I looked around for my attacker.

"Thanks for the bear, they've only just coming out of hibernation. You're quite lucky if you get one this early."

I looked at the vampire who had attacked me, who was crouched over my kill. It was a female with long blonde hair. But what caught my attention were her eyes.

_They are gold like mine. At last, I have found someone who lives like I do._

Disbelief coursed through me. I had given up hope of finding a vampire like me decades ago. And now out of nowhere was this woman.

"You going to say anything?" she asked me jokingly.

"You hunt animals?" I asked, wanting confirmation that my eyes weren't deceiving me.

"Yes. And so do you. We're quite the pair," she smiled at me.

"Kate?" a voice shouted in the distance, also female.

"Over here, sister, I found something … quite interesting."

Suddenly, two more vampires stood in the clearing. They were both females and both had gold eyes. They stared at me curiously.

_There is an entire coven of them._

"Very interesting," the one with strawberry blonde hair said to the one who'd attacked me, whom she had called Kate.

"Who are you?" the third vampire asked fiercely. She looked at me untrustingly.

"Carlisle Cullen," I replied. All three gasped.

_Have they heard my name before? I couldn't think why they would have, but it was the only explanation for their collective gasp._

"Elezear and Carmen told us all about you," the strawberry blonde told me.

"You know Elezear and Carmen?" I asked curiously.

"We found them in very similar situation to this just over a decade ago."

_A similar situation to this? Does that mean they are animal feeders now?_

I remembered what Carmen had said to me in the courtyard while we waited for Elezear, and my secret hope that perhaps one day they would attempt to try my lifestyle.

"We were surprised to find others like us and we wanted to find out more about them. They told us about a vampire called Carlisle, who lived in Volterra and fed off animals. That's you, right?"

"Yes. Are Elezear and Carmen nearby?" I asked. I wanted a chance to speak to them, to ask them what had made them abandon the traditional vampire lifestyle.

"No, they are back at our home. You are welcome to come with us, if you like."

"I would be much obliged."

"Then let's head back. I am Tanya by the way. These are my sisters, Kate," she pointed to the vampire that had attacked me, "and Irina."

"Elezear will be happy to hear you left Volterra," Kate told me.

"Well, Elezear can tell him once we get home. Let's go already," Irina grumbled.

I followed the three vampires to a large cabin in remote Alaska.

"Elezear. Carmen. You'll never guess who we found," Tanya called as we walked through the door.

"What are you talking about Tanya?" Carmen asked as she flitted down the stairs. Then she saw me. "Carlisle," she gasped.

"Good to see you left Volterra in the end," Elezear said to me as he followed his mate down the stairs.

"It was all of two weeks after you," I replied. "So, if you do not made me asking, what made you change your mind about your diet?"

"I had never-" Elezear began, but was cut off by Irina.

"If you don't mind, we've already heard this story, so excuse us," she announced coldly, before storming off. Despite her use of the pronoun 'we', no one followed her.

"You'll have to excuse my sister, she is a extremely cautious about letting new people in," Tanya said to me. I smiled and nodded to let her know I understood and didn't mind.

"Yes, I remember that well," Elezear said in a mock-reminiscent tone. "Anyway," he continued, "we travelled across Europe for a while, and both of us agreed that we should at least try animal blood. I had been disconcerted with having to kill humans for the past few decades before you came to Volterra, but I thought there was no other alternative, until I met you. Then I was sent to Spain to look into a troublesome coven there. Their feedings were a little sloppy, but there was no real reason to attack them, no member Aro would want." I looked at him surprised and he caught my expression.

"Do you know what my talent is, Carlisle?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I can sense the talents of others. Aro used me as a recruiter. Either looking into humans as prospective vampires, or looking into existing covens to see if anyone could be recruited. Often when I did find someone of interest, their coven would be accused of breaking the law and the talented vampire would be offered a reprise."

"Join or die," I murmured, the rule I already knew seemed apparent for visiting vampires in Volterra.

"Exactly. Anyway, though no one of that coven was of interest to Aro, there was someone who interested me. A vampire who argued that she did not want to kill humans." As he talked he curled his arm around his mate's shoulder. "I realised that she felt the same way I did, and then I remembered about you and your alternative lifestyle. You know the rest."

"Will you being staying with us, Carlisle?" Tanya asked me. I did not know what I wanted. There was nowhere for me to practise medicine in a place as remote as this. Ever since I had left Volterra it had been my one solace, and I did not want to give it up. But the loneliness that had plagued me in Europe was back with a vengeance, and the idea of having companions again, especially those who lived as I did, was a joyous idea.

"I would like that very much, if only for a short while. I well have to return to Vancouver though, to place my notice in at the hospital and have my belongings sent up here."

_I can always stay for a short while and return to medicine later. After all, I have all of eternity to be a doctor._

A week later, I arrived back in Denali, having tied up all the loose ends of my life in Vancouver.

"This can be your room from now on," Tanya said pleasantly to me, showing me into a guest room. It was small and simple, but it would suit me perfectly. There was no bed – why would I need one?– but a chair, a desk, and some bookshelves. Kate was stood at the doorway, watching me with interest.

"This is a guest room and not really designed to live in, as you can probably tell," Tanya told me.

"It'll be fine, after all, what does a vampire need a room for anyway?" I joked.

"Won't you be wanting a bed?" Kate asked curiously.

"Whatever for? It's not like a sleep." I chuckled to myself. Tanya and Kate shared what I can only call a loaded look.

_I don't know what this is about, but I don't like it._

"True, but we all still have beds. Carmen and Elezear share one, and Kate and I each have one as well," Tanya told me.

_Of course Carmen and Elezear have one. But what would Tanya and Kate need one for?_

"It's really not that important, I'll be fine without a bed," I told them.

"I suppose the floor's as good as anywhere," Kate said with a smirk. "I like your style."

_What is she talking about?_

"Plus Kate and I always have beds if you need to use one," Tanya added, looking at me pointedly. Whatever her point was, I did not understand it.

_Why would I need to use their beds?_

"You know, I never did ask you what it was you did to me that day in the forest," I said to Kate, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Sorry about that, that's my talent."

"It's very powerful," I told her. She grinned at me.

"Want to feel it again?" she asked. She walked up to me and placed her hand on my arm. I flinched, expecting the pain I had felt a week earlier, but they was none. Instead she gently caressed my arm and smiled.

"Scared you," she said with a smirk, her hand still on my arm. I stepped backwards instinctively, away from her alien touch. It had been centuries since anyone had touched my skin for any length of time.

"So how did you two come to decide to live off animals?" I asked them, again trying to move the conversation on. Both smiled at me.

"You heard any of the old vampire legends?" Tanya asked me.

"A few." I knew which were fake and which were based on truths. I had even managed to inspire my own, Stregoni Benefici, during my stay at Italy. That had come about due to an incident with a patient and his son. His son had been one of the few people who still believed in vampires in Volterra, and had known me for what I was instantly. But he had seen me treat his father and realized I was different to the others of my kind. I do not know what happened to him, and I do not wish to know considering Aro found out about him. But the nickname had amused Aro, and somehow it had found it's way into the legends of our kinds. Legends which the Volturi often started themselves, suggesting my old friend was probably behind it.

"You ever heard of the succubus?"

_Succubus – female vampires who prey on male humans and often enjoy__ pleasure with them before killing them. Why is she asking me about this?_

"Yes. Why?"

"You're looking at the originals," Kate told me proudly. I didn't know what to make of that. A part of me was horrified by the very idea, but I also reasoned it couldn't be as bad as the legends said, after all, they were animal feeders like me.

"We grew tired of killing the men we loved, so we found a way to bypass it."

"But you used to…" My words trailed off as I imagined the debauchery of them having sex and then killing a long string of human men. It was more sinful than just simply killing them.

"Don't look so shocked, Carlisle, it's not that bad. What's so very wrong with it?" Tanya looked slightly hurt by the judgement I couldn't hide from my face.

"It's a sin," the words blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them. Animal feeders or not, they were clearly not religious. Indeed, I had never met a vampire that shared my view on religion or God. As far as I could tell from my stay in Volterra, no one of my kind thought we had souls, and nobody cared about it either.

"A sin?" Kate laughed. "Isn't our existence just one long sin," she continued laughing.

"Come on, Carlisle, you act like you've never …" Tanya trailed off and then gasped. "Have you never … are you a virgin, Carlisle?" she asked me.

_Did she seriously just ask me that? Shouldn't some things be private?_

"Yes," I answered stiffly.

"Seriously?" Kate asked in shock.

"Why?" Tanya asked.

_Why? What kind of question was that?_

"Does it matter?" I asked annoyed. Clearly my opinions on sex and marriage would not be understood here.

"It's just a little weird … the centuries old virgin," Kate said with a giggle.

"Oh, sister, I think we've had enough fun at Carlisle's expense now," Tanya said, trying to hide her smile, and failing miserably.

"Okay, see you later, Carlisle," Kate said, and she left the room, still giggling.

"Thank you, Tanya," I said. She smiled at me.

"You are an odd one, Carlisle," she said to me. "Don't you think you would enjoy the comforts of a physical relationship?"

"Perhaps, but I couldn't be so selfish as to be with someone I didn't love," I replied gently.

"I guess that's far," she agreed. Then she took a step closer so that our bodies were nearly touching and placed her hand on my chest. "But if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." And with that she left the room.

_What just happened?_ I collapsed onto the chair, trying to process the conversation I'd just had.

_Apparently, I'm currently living in a house with two succubuses, one who apparently would be perfectly willing to be with me._

But it wouldn't be right. A part of me wished I could love Tanya. We could have of had a good life together in Alaska. But I did not love her. And if I was being frank, the flirtatious ways of her and her sister scared me slightly. It may have been old-fashioned of me, but I would never have expected women to be so open and frank about their sexuality.

Over the next few days, I noticed Kate and Tanya acting increasingly weird around me. They were both being very attentive and I found it somewhat uncomfortable. I tried my hardest to ignore their bizarre behaviour and just be as polite as possible.

A week after my arrival in Denali, I was sat in the small library that they had. My own books were currently stored in boxes in the guest room that was now mine. Looking for something different to read, I had decided to browse the small selection of books belonging to the Denali clan. No medical texts, of course, but perhaps I could try and get myself lost in the world of fiction for a change.

"Hello, Irina," I said pleasantly, as she walked through the doorway. Unlike her overly attentive sisters, Irina had been nothing but cold and different to me since I had arrived.

"Carlisle, I have to ask you something, for my sisters' sake," she rushed the words out. My confusing conversation with Tanya and Kate, and their behaviour since then, spring to mind.

"I don't know how much my sisters told you about themselves, and what you said to them, but you have become somewhat of a challenge between the two of them."

_A challenge between the two of them? _I did not know what that meant, but it could not be good.

"Are you attracted to either of my sisters?" she asked bluntly. As she asked I found myself remembering again what I had thought about back in Volterra, which had been playing on my mind all week. That if I could find a female like me then perhaps I could have a mate. But wasn't there supposed to be something there? Something special. I liked Tanya and Kate well enough, but I felt no different about them than I did about Irina or Carmen. Or even Elezear for that matter. They were friends but nothing more. I wasn't attracted to them. I certainly didn't love them.

_Then again, what did I know of love?_

"No, Irina, I'm not," I answered softly, deciding the truth was better than lies that, may have saved face to begin with, but would only have hurt those involved even more at the end of it all.

Irina's glare scrutinized me, like she was trying to figure out whether to believe me or not.

"Are you … do you like … you know … like …" I watched as the icy Irina tripped over her words before she finally sighed dejectedly, wondering what on Earth she was trying to tell me.

_Was she trying to ask if I liked her instead? How can I possibly answer that without hurting her feelings?_

"Do you like men?" she finally blurted out. Her question took me completely by surprise.

_Do I like men?_

No female had ever touched my heart, but I was certain no man had either. If I had stopped to consider myself mated, something I did with little frequency nowadays as it seemed a hopeless pipe dream, it was with a female I always imagined myself with. I briefly tried to imagine myslef with a man instead, but it was not a satisfying image.

_No, I do not like men._

"No, I do not like men," I answered calmly, trying to hide my growing embarrassment at this line of conversation. Tanya and Kate had already showed how backwards my thinking was when it came to sex; I did not need this conversation highlighting it as well. I just wanted it over and done with, and preferably never mentioned again.

"You're not queer?" Irina exclaimed, staring at me in surprise.

_She thinks I cannot be attracted to women if I do not find either her sisters or her attractive. In her defence, I am probably the only bachelor ever who has lived with three unescorted women without something happening._

"No," I answered a little too snappily. I would have felt guilty, but her attempts at figuring out my sexuality were quickly growing annoying.

_There are some things that common decency says should not be discussed, this is one of them. Yes, my choice to live alone all these years is admittedly weird, but anything else would have been an undeniable sin._

"Sorry, I'll leave you be now," Irina said apologetically. Then she walked off mumbling to herself. I could not hear what she said clearly, but I'm fairly certain I caught the words 'asexual monk.'

_Perhaps she is right, and I am destined to be alone for all of eternity._

It was weird how, even finally surrounded be vampires who lived like me, I could still feel alone.

_Will I never learn to just be satisfied with what I have, instead of coveting what was out of my reach?_

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**I had fun writing this chapter. The 'are you gay?' conversation just popped into my head and had to be written.**

**Any thoughts on this chapter? What did you think of the little exploration into Carlisle's sexuality? Or my version of the Denali clan? As you've probably figured out by now, I love reviews.**

**I've also written an entry for the TwiCanonFodder contest. It's anonymous, so I can't tell you which is mine. But there is some really good entries and I highly suggest you go read them if you like canon fics. http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~twicanonfodder**


	13. Leaving Again

1898

_Carlisle_

I sat on the train watching the Canadian wilderness flash past me. I was heading back to America.

I had left the companionship of the Denali clan after a decade. Though I had greatly enjoyed my time with them, I couldn't envisage spending all of eternity there, and I wanted the chance to practise medicine again. I had promised myself I would dedicate my life to saving human life, and yet had turned my back on it because of my own selfish desire for companionship.

After the first few months, Tanya and Kate had both realised that I was not going to compromise my moral code and given up with their advances. Though they still did not understand my position, they respected it and dropped their flirtatious behaviour, making it a lot more comfortable for us all to be around each other.

All five of them had been surprised when I announced my decision to leave, but I knew it had to be done.

_I still do not know where my place in this world is, but it was not there._

I had thought that if I could find others of my kind like me, I would finally be content.

_I should have known that life is never that simple. _

It had been difficult to leave, knowing I was going back to my years of endless isolation. But even surrounded by friends, it had felt like something was still missing. The contentment I had first felt at being there had been slowly draining away, as I began to feel more and more empty in the last few years, though I couldn't fully place why. Finally, I had decided it was simply the absence of the work I loved.

My goodbyes had been short and simple. Elezear and Carmen had thanked me for introducing them to this way of life. Irina had apologised for her coldness at the beginning. Tanya and Kate had said they would miss me. And I had said I would miss them all as well.

_And I will._

They did not understand my decision to leave, or my need to be a doctor again. Even amongst other animal feeders, I was still the odd one out. My desire to live and work among humans had never been understood, not by the vampires in Volterra or Denali.

To vampires, humanity was not something to be coveted. Even those like Tanya and her family, who valued human life enough to not hunt them, did not understand by fixation with living amongst humans. But it was the life I had dedicated myself to, and I could not turn my back on it for too long.

I realised now that the only way I could ever have a true companion was if I created one myself, and taught them my unique way of life. But I would never do that. I could not damn someone to this life. How could I possibly justify bringing an end to a human's life for my own selfish want? I could never be like the vampire who changed me and purposefully rip away someone's future. Despite all the good I hope I've managed to do due to my immortality, I would never be able to thank that vampire for what he did to me. A part of me will always wish I had been able to live a normal human life, and die a normal human death. So how could I possibly even contemplate committing the same act to someone? It would be the ultimate act of hypocrisy.

The train began to slow down, and I knew we were nearly there. I had not got a hospital position or a place to stay sorted yet, it was difficult to arrange anything from remote Alaska, but it did not matter. I knew how it would go by now. I would work as a young physician in the city hospital and buy a small property on the outskirts of town. When I wasn't working or hunting I would probably be reading. This would go on for five or six years before I moved on again. The cities would change, but my routine would be as it always had been.

_It is a simple existence, but it is what my life is supposed to be. Nothing more._

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**Really short chapter, but again it's just supposed to be an insight into Carlisle's mind explaining his actions – this time his decision to leave Denali.**

**Next chapter is the first chapter with Esme in it :)**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**


	14. Little Sister

**So this is the first Esme chapter. She's only nine years old at this point, so she's still only a child, hence why it sounds a bit childish in places.**

* * *

1904

_Esme_

I could hear my mother's screams from the next room. My parents had been very clear – I was not allowed in their room while Mommy was having the baby. So I sat on the floor of my room, waiting.

Absent-mindedly, I picked up one of my dolls. I had three dolls. They were just cheap little cloth dolls, a little dirty and broken as I'd had them for years now, but I still loved them. They were my children when I played mommy. My patients when I played nurses. My pupils when I played teacher. They were the only ones on this entire farm who would play with me. Mommy and Daddy never did.

Not that I got much chance to play any more, when I wasn't at school there always seemed to be work to do. Mommy always wanted me to help her knit, or clean, or cook. She had kept me extra busy recently, knitting new things for the baby. I didn't mind. I was excited that there was going to be someone other than Mommy and Daddy around to play with.

During harvesting season I hardly got a chance to play at all, Daddy always needed help on the farm. I had heard Mommy muttering to herself that girls shouldn't work on farms, but she never said it to his face. Mommy would never dare to stand up to Daddy. He was the undisputed head of our house and what he said went.

Sometimes I would watch my parents when they were together, waiting to see if Mommy would say any of the things I heard her muttering to herself when she was in the kitchen, and she thought no one was around. She never did. I had asked her why once when we were knitting together. She had said she did it because that was what a good wife did, and that a good woman never questioned her husband. That didn't seem fair to me. _What gave Daddy the right to control everything? _When I asked my mother that she told me it was because he was a man and it was his God-given right to control his wife and family. I didn't like that idea. It didn't seem fair.

My mother's final reply was always that I would understand when I was a wife someday. I never told her what I thought when she said that: _I don't want to be someone's wife_. It didn't look or sound very fun.

I heard my mother's scream getting louder and louder. Somebody was shouting 'push' at her repeatedly. Then she finally stopped screaming, only for a different cry to replace hers.

_The baby's been born._

I dropped my doll and rushed to my parents' room. I couldn't wait to see my little brother. Daddy was certain it was going to be a boy. He never said it, but I knew he had been disappointed when I turned out to be a girl.

As I walked out into the hallway, I saw the midwife leave my parents' room and head downstairs to tell my father the baby had been born. Daddy had been sitting in the living room, 'leaving the women's work to the women', as he'd put it.

Cautiously I opened the door, my mother was sat in bed and my Aunt Mary was stood beside her. Aunt Mary was the oldest of Mommy's sisters and she'd had four children herself. Her youngest daughter, Helen, was my closest friend in the world. I had been disappointed when she hadn't come with her mother today, she didn't get a chance to visit often, and I loved having someone else around to play with.

But my petty thoughts about Aunt Mary and Helen quickly vanished as I caught a glimpse of the bundle in my mother's arms. He had the two hazel colored eyes like mine, but his little tuft of hair was dark brown like our father's, rather than the caramel colouring Mommy and me shared. He was so tiny and delicate looking, like a porcelain doll.

"Wow," I murmured. Aunt Mary chuckled at me.

"Would you like to meet your little sister, Esme?" she asked me.

_Little sister? Looks like daddy was wrong. He's going to be angry that he got another girl. _I couldn't help the bitterness that crept into my thoughts. _What's wrong with girls?_

I nodded at Aunt Mary and then climbed onto the bed next to my mother to get a closer look at my sister.

Looking closer, I realised it was silly of me to have ever thought she was a boy. Up close there was a definite girly look to her face. She stared at me with her large hazel eyes and she never seemed to blink. It felt like she examining me for something. Like she could check if I was going to be a good enough big sister.

_I'm going to try my hardest, little one._

"Can I hold her?" I whispered.

"You have to very careful," Mommy told me. I nodded to show I understood. "Sit next to me," she ordered.

"Put your arms like this, Esme," Aunt Mary told me, showing me how to make a cradle with my arms. "That's right," she said encouragingly when I copied her.

Very gently, my mother passed the baby into my arms.

"Watch her head, Esme," she told me, her hand still holding it up. "You always have to support baby's head." I moved my arm so that my sister's head was resting on it.

Her eyes were closed now and she was breathing quietly.

"I think she likes you," Aunt Mary said. Mommy smiled.

Just then my father stormed in, followed by the midwife.

"Where is it then?" he asked tonelessly. I pulled the baby closer to my chest; I didn't want Daddy near her, not when he spoke about her like that.

_She is not an 'it'._

"She's a 'she', not an 'it', Henry," my mother told him.

_Did my mother just talk back to my father?_ I tried to hide the surprise from my face. Luckily, neither Mommy or Daddy were paying any attention to me. They were to busy scowling at each other.

"Well, how about we give her a name then, to stop confusion," Aunt Mary interjected calmly.

"I don't care, you can call her whatever you want, Ruth," Daddy said to Mommy.

"How about … Grace?" my mother asked.

_Why is she asking, he just said she can call the baby whatever she wants._

"Fine," my father agreed grumpily.

"Grace Platt," I whispered to the tiny form in my arms.

"Will you give her a middle name as well?" Aunt Mary asked.

"How about … Marie? After her aunt." Aunt Mary beamed at that.

_Grace Marie Platt. It suits her_

"It's a lovely name, you'll need to get her registered though," the midwife told us. Both my parents nodded. "Mrs Platt, I need to speak to you for a minute, in private" she said to my mother.

"Give me back Grace please, Esme," my mother ordered. Reluctantly, I passed Grace back to her. My arms felt bizarrely bare now without her warm weight in them. I jumped off the bed and headed towards the door, with Aunt Mary following me.

"Anything you have to say to my wife, you can say to me as well," I heard my father say behind me as I left the room.

"So, you're a big sister now, how do you feel?" Aunt Mary asked me.

"Big," I answered truthfully. Aunt Mary laughed at me.

"Well, I have to start walking now if I want to be able to walk home in the light. Can you tell your parents I've gone and I'll be back tomorrow?"

"Will do," I replied.

She bent down to hug me goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek.

"Well goodbye for now, Esme. I'll see you tomorrow," she said to me.

"Goodbye," I said with a little wave, as she walked out the door.

Quickly, I ran back up the stairs. I wanted to see Grace again. However, I could still hear my parents and the midwife talking, so I sat down in front of the door to wait for them to finish.

"What does that mean?" I heard my mother whisper.

"Unfortunately, Mrs Platt, it means that in all likelihood you will not be able to have any more children," the midwife replied.

_What? Why can't Mommy have any more children? Daddy's going to be angry. He still wants a son. He had been angry it had taken over eight years for her to get pregnant again after me._

"What do you mean she can't have any more children?" my father demanded angrily.

"Mr Platt, the complications your wife suffered during labor were very damaging to her insides. She and the baby are both lucky to be alive."

I heard the sound of a chair scrapping backwards, a few seconds later the door opened and Daddy walked out, nearly tripping over me in the process.

"Esme, what are you doing there?" he scolded me. "Bloody girls," he added angrily under his breath.

"I wanted to see the baby again," I told him. He grumbled something I couldn't understand before stomping off downstairs. Probably to the liquor cabinet if I knew my father well enough.

Ignoring his anger, I rushed into the room, eager to see Grace again.

"Can I hold her again, Mommy?" I asked excitedly, jumping back onto the bed beside my mother, who didn't respond. She looked half-asleep.

"Your mommy's very tired, Miss Platt. How about me and you take little Grace Marie here to her nursery?" The midwife lifted Grace out of Mommy's arms.

"I'll show you where it is," I said excitedly, skipping out of my parents' room and into the room next to mine, which was to be Grace's nursery.

"Look, we've got a crib for her." I pointed it out to the midwife, who gently placed the still-sleeping Grace inside.

I stood leaning over the rails of the crib, watching the sleeping baby.

"Give her some space, Miss," the midwife told me.

Reluctantly, I left the nursery and went into my room. I picked up the discarded dollies that I had been playing with. Recently 'Mommy' had been my favorite game, ever since I found out my mother was pregnant. Now I had a real baby to play it with.

Later that night, Mommy and Daddy got into a big argument. I could hear Daddy shouting and Mommy crying. It was because Mommy couldn't give Daddy any sons.

Unable to sleep, I quietly snuck into Grace's nursery. She had been crying early and Mommy had feed her. That was what had started the argument. Daddy had told her to 'get it to shut up'. But now Grace was sleeping again, she did a lot of that.

I realised that everything would have been fine if Grace could just have been a boy. But that wasn't fair, it wasn't her fault she was a girl. As I watched her sleep, I knew it didn't matter.

_She is perfect just as she is__._

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**So what did you think of the first Esme chapter?**

**Though I don't imagine her parent's marriage was as bad as her own, I personally envisage that she did not grow up in a very happy place. Plus we know her parents refused to help her when she told them about the abuse, which suggests they were very traditionalistic when it came to marriage – man in charge, woman doesn't argue.**

**As for Grace, she is going to play a big part in helping to shape Esme's life.**


	15. Grace & Trees

1911

_Esme_

"Grace? Grace?" I shouted after my sister. "Grace, where are you?" I shouted again.

_This isn't good._

Grace had a habit of disappearing and hiding in the weirdest of places. I wasn't surprised she had run off this time though. Father had a group of his friends over, they were mainly other local farmers, as well as some big shot from the city called Mr Evenson, and they were busy eating Mother's food and getting drunk.

_It was not a pleasant sight._

Grace hated crowds. She got angry when people tried to touch her, and she got scared whenever there was a large group of people around.

Grace had always been different. She didn't learn to walk or talk as fast as normal children did. My mother had just chalked it up to her being a slow developer to start with, claiming she would catch up eventually.

As she grew up, we soon learned she shied away from other people and refused to interact with them. To begin with, Mother and Father would joke about it and say she was just a little shy.

She didn't play with toys, but would spend hours in her nursery carefully lining them up. My mother would say she was just a tidy person, and would mock-scold me for not being as neat.

But behind the nonchalant attitude, Mother knew there was something very wrong with her youngest daughter. She could joke about it and try to hide it, but she was worried that she had produced an idiot, and too ashamed to admit to it. So her and Father would wave her differences away as little quirks, all while wondering what they had done to deserve having to deal with this little abnormal being.

Worst of all was when she threw what Mother and Father called 'a tantrum.' They could pretend she was just a naughty little child, but I could tell there was something more behind it than that. I just couldn't tell you what. Father's response to Grace's 'tantrums' was always harsh words and a smack.

_Even I could tell that was the worst thing to do if he wanted to help her, but it would appear he didn't care about helping her. He just wished she had been born normal._

Finally, things had come to a head when she had attended school. Father had been determined she should attend; I could tell he secretly hoped that being around other children would normalise her. She had only gone for a year. She struggled to understand her lessons and she was accused of disturbing the class. After that first year, her teacher had told our parents she wasn't welcome back.

_'Slow', they'd called her. 'Retard', as Father put it. They didn't understand her; she was just a little … special._

After they had to take her out of school, our parents had finally had to let go of their denial and admit that she was not a normal child. But this did not make things better, but worse. Rather than attempt to help her, they just ignored her the majority of the time. She was like a quiet little ghost in our house, her presence only affecting us by the resentment my parents felt for her.

Grace avoided speaking to our parents as much as possible. I was the only one she would usually speak to, and so my parents left her welfare in my hands for most of the time.

_It is better this way. It keeps her out of the way of our father's temper._

Over the years, Father had become more and more of a drunk, while Mother retreated further and further into herself. Often it was like strangers living in the same house.

Mother and Father never said it, but I knew they blamed it on Grace. I knew what they thought her. Why did she have to be the 'idiot child' girl, instead of the darling boy they had both envisaged?

_It wasn't fair on her, but then again, life isn't fair._

Only last week, Grace had thrown one of her 'tantrums' and our father had threatened to have her sent to an asylum. I had looked at him in horror, how could he say such a thing about his own daughter? And how could Mother just sit there complacently? It had fallen to me to defend my sister. My temper had boiled over and had found myself shouting at my father, something I would never have dared to do under normal circumstances.

_She was too small and shy to fare well in one of those dreadful places. How could they possibly even consider it?_

I hadn't spoken to my father since, not that it made much difference to my day-to-day life.

"Grace?" I shouted again, as I looked inside the shed our father hardly ever used. Curled up in the corner, I saw what looked like a dirty bundle of cloth, but the long knotted brunette curls gave her away.

_Grace._

Gently, I walked to sit beside her.

"What you doing here, eh?" I asked her softly. I didn't get a reply.

"You don't like Daddy's friends being round do you?" This time I saw the mess of brown hair shake. No.

"Esme? Grace?" I heard my mother's piercing voice shout.

"She wants us to go help with the dishes," I told Grace.

"Don't want to go in there, E-may," a quiet voice whispered. She had never been able to say my name properly. When she was young it had been a charming anecdote to our mother, but now that was seven and still couldn't say it properly it was nothing more than another reminder that her youngest daughter wasn't normal.

"If we don't go soon she'll come looking for us," I told her.

"Hide in trees?" she replied. I almost laughed at that. As a girl I had loved climbing the trees that surrounded our farm. One day last summer I had been outside with Grace, when I had mentioned this fact to her. To my immense surprise, she had shown an interest in it. When I had asked her why, she'd said 'good place to hide'. She was right; I had spent long afternoons of my childhood hiding from my parents up there.

_And no one could blame Grace for wanting to hide from them._

I had no desire to return to the house myself, so I agreed with her.

"Okay, let's go hide in some trees," I told her. She jumped up from the ball she had curled herself up into.

"Look at the state of you," I said. Her brown hair was dishevelled and her clothes were a mess.

"I'm going to sort your hair out, okay?" You always had to tell her before you touched her, or she would shy away and scream. She nodded silently. Carefully, I smoothed her hair down.

"Trees?" she asked. I nodded and she ran out of the shed.

I found her stood beneath what had been my favorite tree to climb as a child.

"E-may favorite," she told me proudly.

"That's right. You want to go up first?" She nodded silently again. She very rarely answered a question out loud – which was why it was always best to ask her yes or no questions.

With great care, Grace climbed slowly up the tree. I watched her from below, she could be fairly clumsy at times, and was ready to catch her if she slipped.

"E-may climb tree?"

"Yes, I'm coming up, Grace dear," I called up to her. I began to follow her up the tree. Unfortunately, unlike when I had done this a child, I was in a full-length skirt and corset, which made my movements much more stiff.

Finally, I came to sit beside my sister. Surrounded by branches and leaves, it was like our own personal cocoon. I knew that was why Grace liked it up here, despite the climb.

"Do Maths, E-may?" she asked me. Despite the fact that her speech suggested that Grace was indeed what her teachers had called her, slow, I had recently discovered by a complete accident that she had a fondness for sums.

"What's one plus one?" I asked her.

"Easy, two," she replied without a moments hesitation.

"Two plus two?"

"Four!"

"Okay, Miss Smart, five plus five?"

"Erm… ten!"

"That's right!" I said encouragingly.

We stayed up there doing sums for hours until I heard the last of the guests leave.

"Come on, Grace, we should get down know," I told her. In the dim light I just managed to see her head bop up and down in agreement.

I watched her carefully as she began to slowly climb down. Suddenly, I saw her foot slip.

"Grace!" I shouted, reaching out to grab her hand. As soon as my hand touched hers she pulled it away, making her balance even worse.

"Grace, watch out," I shouted, trying to get down the tree from the other side in time to catch her. Unfortunately, in my rush my foot caught the bottom of my skirt and I lost my grip. I fell from the tree, landing with a painful thump to the floor.

"Ow!" I screamed.

"E-may? E-may? E-may?" I heard Grace shout.

"Grace, go get Mother and Father!"

"E-may?"

"Esme? Grace? What are you two girls up to? Get in here right now!" My mother's piercing shout joined Grace's panicked shouts.

"Mother, over here!" I shouted.

"Esme?" I heard my mother's footsteps running toward me. When she eventually got here, she knelt beside me. "What happened to you?" she asked, panicked.

"I fell from the tree."

"You fell from the tree?" my mother repeated back to me unbelievingly. "Esme Anne Platt, you are sixteen years old, you should NOT be climbing trees," she scolded me.

"E-may, okay?" Grace asked.

"Grace, go get your father!" Mother ordered. Grace didn't move. "Go Grace, make yourself useful for once!"

"Mother, don't say that to her."

"Ruth?" I heard my father shout drunkenly.

"Over here, Henry!" I heard my father's heavy footsteps shortly afterwards.

"What happened to her?"

"She fell from the tree," his mother told him exasperatedly.

"Let me guess, you were up there with the little idiot."

"Don't call her that," I said through clenched teeth, trying to fight the urge to cry out in pain. My mother felt my leg gently, but it still sent a shock of pain up it.

"Ow!" I shouted.

"I think it's broken," my mother told my father.

_I hope I don't have to go to the hospital. _I had only been once before, two years ago. Grace had accidentally cut herself when Mother left the knife within her reach. I had insisted on going with her and Father, knowing neither would fare well left alone together. I had hated the hospital. The doctors running around in their white coats, the sounds of anguished patients, the clinical smell. I hated everything about hospitals.

"We'll have to take her to the hospital," my father said. Surprisingly, he sounded more sober now.

_Damn!_

"Can you borrow your brother's horse and cab again?" Mother asked.

"Hopefully, I'll have to go ask," Father replied and with that he left. We had borrowed Uncle John's horse and cab when Grace had cut herself. It was a fifteen-minute walk to his house though, meaning Father wouldn't be back for about half an hour.

"Let's get you to the house, Esme. Can you walk?" Mother asked.

Slowly and painfully, I hobbled the short distance back to our house, holding onto my mother for support. Grace walked slowly beside us.

Eventually, we made it and I collapsed onto a chair. Grace walked up to stand beside the chair's arm.

"E-may, be okay?" she asked, sounding worried.

"I'll be fine, Grace, don't worry about me," I told her reassuringly. She didn't say anything else.

Five minutes later, I heard the sound of a horse and cab pulling up outside our house.

I stood up gingerly and fell straight back into the chair again, as pain shot through my leg.

"Come here," my mother said. I stood up again, this time leaning on her. The pain was no better, but I didn't fall again. Slowly, I humbled to where the cab and Father were waiting. When I finally got there I climbed in with relief, sitting with my broken leg up on the seat.

Fifteen minutes into the journey and I was thoroughly miserable. My leg hurt with every jostle of the cab and it took all my effort not to cry out in pain. A large bump in the road sent pain shivering down my leg.

"Ow!" I cried out.

"This is why you shouldn't climb trees, especially at your age," my father said from the front, speaking for the first time since we set off.

"I was playing with Grace," I replied frostily.

"Of course you were," he shot back sarcastically. "One child an idiot and the other stupid enough to indulge an idiot," he muttered to himself, though it was still loud enough for me to hear.

"Don't talk about her like that," I said through gritted teeth. He turned around and looked me straight on in the eye.

"I don't know what to do with her," he told me. "I've tried, but I just don't know what to do with her."

_What? Must be the alcohol talking._

Then he turned around to watch the road again before I could think of a suitable reply.

Some time later, the carriage slowed and we came to stop.

"We're here, Esme," my father called from up front. Relief flooded me. Much as I hated hospitals, even a hospital was better than travelling down bumpy roads for one more minute.

I began trying to get out of the cab by myself and nearly fell; my father caught me just in time.

Again, I started trying to walk, leaning on my father for support. But the pain was nearly intolerable and I only made it as far as the sidewalk.

"Do you need some help?" a gentle voice asked. I turned around and froze at what I saw.

_I must be in a dream, for he cannot be real._

* * *

**The idea to give Esme a sister who has what we would nowadays call learning difficulties came to me from nowhere. At first I debated whether to include it or not, uncertain as to how it would be taken, as so far in this story I haven't done anything that is too different from the majority of stories out there. But the more I thought about, the more it seemed to fit in with Esme's story and personality. That she is the sort of person who would love someone despite them being shunned by the rest of society.**

**As for Esme's parents, I don't think they are completely cold-hearted, just victims of their time period.**

**I did quite a lot of Internet research on learning disabilities before writing this chapter. To anyone who suffers from or knows someone who has a learning disability, I mean no disrespect and have tried my hardest to get Grace's behaviour to reflect how a sufferer may act. Her behaviour is based upon the symptoms of autism, but if anyone feels I have portrayed her wrongly, please do tell me, as the very last thing I wish to do is to offend someone. Also the opinions in this story reflect the time period it's based in, where they knew very little about these sorts of illnesses, and not my own personal views.**

**So what did you think of this chapter and Grace? Reviews are always appreciated.**

**No prizes for guessing who has come to help Esme. (It has to be the worst cliffy ever … you all already know exactly who it is.)**

**And my apologies to anyone who has this story on alert if you keep getting e-mails. Had a bit of a continuity error - Grace's hair changed color between this chapter and the last and I had to change it.**


	16. Dr Cullen

1911

_Esme_

Gently, the angel-like man laid me down on the hospital bed. I hadn't been paying much attention as he had carried me through the hospital, still struggling to believe he wasn't a hallucination brought on by pain.

"Thank you," my father said gruffly to him.

"Glad to help," the man replied. "Esme?" he called my name softly. "I'm Dr. Cullen, I need to look at your leg now, okay?" Unable to form the words to reply, I nodded silently. "I'm going to have to lift your skirt slightly to see your leg, okay?" I felt the color rising in my cheeks, but again I nodded silently.

"Excuse me, I'll wait outside," Father announced, leaving the room before he had to look at his daughter's ankles.

"Nurse Smith, if you can help me, please," Dr. Cullen said to the nurse behind him. Slowly, the two of them began to peel back my skirt to reveal my broken leg. I looked away in horror at the sight of my misshapen limb. My gaze came to rest on the doctor, who was studying my leg intently. I felt the blush rising in my cheeks again. Reluctantly, I pulled my gaze off of the doctor and stared at the nurse, hoping the heat in my face would recede soon.

_I probably look like I have a tomato for a head._

"I'm going to need some plaster and water, please nurse," Dr. Cullen ordered. He turned to me, "Esme, I'm going to have to reset your leg."

"Will it hurt?" I managed to squeak out, the first time I'd spoken to him.

_What a silly question. _Chagrin flooded me. _He probably thinks I'm a fool now._

"Unfortunately, yes. So how did you break your leg?"

"I fell out of a tree." Though I was acutely aware that his hands were still on my leg, he was looking at my face now. I noticed the weird gold color of his eyes, like liquid honey. He smiled slightly at my answer.

"And what were you doing up a tree?" he asked, sounding amused.

"Me and my sister were hiding from our mother." I was surprised by his interest; nobody ever paid much attention to what I said. As I was replying, there was a spasm of pain in my leg and a large crack.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, all in place now. We just need to place a cast on it."

_Oh, he wasn't actually interested in me; he was just trying to distract me._

"So why exactly were you and your sister hiding from your mother in a tree?" he asked, still sounding intrigued.

"She had a sink full of dirty dishes that needed cleaning," I replied with a slight smile. Dr Cullen laughed gently then; it was a beautiful sound. Just then Nurse Smith walked back into the room pushing a medical cart. She frowned at Dr Cullen and looked confused. I got the feeling he didn't laugh very much.

"Thank you," he said to the nurse.

We continued our conversation as he went about placing a cast on my leg.

"So whose idea was it then? Your tree climbing expedition?" he asked with a smile.

"My sister's."

"I bet you're going to be cross with her when you get back," he said jokingly.

"Of course not," I replied sharply. He frowned in confusion at my harsh reply. I was so used to being defensive when it came to Grace that I had responded automatically, despite the fact that it was clear he had not meant anything bad by his comment. He didn't even know anything about Grace.

"Sorry," I said quickly.

"No need to apologise," he said calmly with a smile. "So what's your sister like?"

I hesitated. I did not generally discuss Grace with strangers. I knew the majority of them would have no goodwill towards her if I told them of her peculiarities. We lived in an age when having someone in your family who was not what society would call normal was hushed up and kept secret. Father would not appreciate me discussing our family's 'shame' with some random doctor.

"Miss Platt?" the doctor's worried voice called my name. I needed to answer his question. "Are you okay?" His weird, but beautiful, eyes were staring into my mine. For a moment I forgot where I was and just stared back.

I shook my head to clear it.

"I'm fine."

"So, your sister. What's her name?"

"Grace Marie Platt." I told him her full name, relieved to have him ask a question I could answer.

"And what's she like?"

_I'll have to lie._

But there was something about the compassion in his eyes and the kindness etched into his face that made me tell the truth.

"Grace is … different."

"Different?"

"Special." These were the only words to describe her that I would use. I wouldn't call her by the insults that slipped so easily of the tongue of my father.

"She can be difficult to cope with at times, but I love her, despite her problems."

"She's very lucky to have a big sister like you then." I scrutinized the doctor's face. There was no trace of disgust or the look that said 'how shameful for your family', which everybody else wore when I mentioned Grace.

"Everyone else seems to think she's something to be hidden away like some sort of shameful secret."

"Well, they're wrong about that."

"I know," I said quickly, hoping he hadn't got the wrong impression. "But she doesn't like being around people anyway so I suppose it's for the best. She usually hides when there's people over, like today."

"So it wasn't dirty dishes you were hiding from?" he asked with a slight smile.

"No, well, partly." I admitted with a smile. "I've ruined our hiding place now though. Maybe I should dig a tunnel under the house for us," I joked.

_If only that was possible, Grace would love it._

He laughed again. "No tunnel digging until your cast comes off now, Miss Platt," he said with a smile, tapping the now set cast on my leg.

"Shall I go get your father now?" he asked. I nodded and watched him as he left the room.

_He's the only person I've ever met who actually seems to feel some kindness towards Grace like I do. And he acted like what I think actually matters._

In sixteen years nobody had ever paid that much attention to my life and me, not without being angry with me for something.

I remembered my thoughts when I first met him, that he didn't seem real. He seemed even more like a hallucination now. Real people weren't that kind

_Why would someone so beautiful and flawless care about my messed-up life?_

Dr Cullen walked back in followed by my father. Stood next to my very normal father, the doctor looked even more like an illusion.

"Did you need some help getting down, Miss Platt?"

"Yes, please," I replied with a smile. He held my hand gently as he helped me down from the hospital bed. For the first time, I noticed how cold his hands were.

"I guess it's true what they say about doctors and cold hands," I joked.

"Hmm… yeah." The doctor smiled, but it was a tight smile, more like a grimace. It was nothing like his genuine smiles from earlier.

_What had I said?_

"Here, if can you hold her steady," the doctor said to my father. Father grabbed hold of my arm and the doctor's cold hand quickly let go of my own, like he wanted to remove his hand as soon as possible.

"You'll have to bring her back in six weeks to have the cast removed," he told my father. "Well, goodbye, Miss Platt," he said to me. Perhaps I was imagining it, but he sounded somewhat sad, like he wished I didn't have to leave.

_It's definitely just my imagination. Why would he care?_

"Goodbye, Dr Cullen. I'll see you in six weeks." I cheered up immensely at the thought of returning to see him in six weeks, my hatred of hospitals forgotten completely. He smiled at me, but again it looked forced.

"Come on, Esme. Thank you, doctor," my father said, as he started leading me out of the room.

As I sat in the back of the cab on the way home, I could think of nothing but Dr Cullen. His beautiful face with those kind eyes. The compassionate look on his face when I spoke of Grace. The way he had laughed at my jokes. The gentle way he had spoke to me, sounding truly interested, unlike any other adult I'd ever met. He was the epitome of everything you could hope to find in a man.

_I, however, am the disobedient sixteen-year-old who fell out of a tree because she was hiding with her peculiar sister. I'll never be anything more than his patient._

Even faced with that truth, he did not leave my mind all night. He was still in central place in my thoughts as I lay down to sleep. So it was with his face in my mind that I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**I know you're all been waiting for the first meeting between Carlisle and Esme and I hope I didn't disappoint.**

**I actually had already wrote about this scene in a one-shot which was the first fanfic I ever wrote, so it was interesting to go back and look at it again and go into more depth. Hopefully I've improved somewhat as an author since that very first fic.**

**I've always thought it wasn't just the vampire physical lures that drew Esme to Carlisle as a human, but his compassion and kindness as well, something she did not get much of in her human life. Here I've also added the idea that he was the first person who did not respond negatively towards her sister like the majority of people would have done in those days.**

**So what did you think of Carlisle and Esme's first meeting? Reviews are always appreciated and to those off you who are reviewing regularly I would just like to say a big 'thank you' to you all :)**

**You'll get to see Carlisle's thoughts on Esme next chapter.**


	17. No, Carlisle!

1911

_Carlisle_

I stood hidden in the trees. I was far enough away from the farmhouse that no one would see me, but close enough that I could still see it with my superior eyesight.

_This is wrong and you should leave._

My sense of propriety and my sense of curiosity were currently locked in battle. Curiosity was winning, and so I remained hidden in the trees waiting for someone to emerge.

_This is wrong, Carlisle. _When my own thoughts started addressing me in third person, it's a general rule that I should listen to them. It meant I was mentally arguing with myself, and the side of me that scolded myself in third person was the part that was generally in the right.

_Stop acting like some sort of twisted vampire stalker._

Perhaps it was a sign of my own loneliness that I hadn't been able to shake her from my mind. I had seen thousands of patients in my centuries of practising medicine, and while I could remember each one of course, it was not normal for me to focus so heavily on one patient, especially one who was in no grave danger anytime soon.

_Except from me … no, Carlisle, you will not! She is young and has everything to live for!_

I tried to shake the image of a caramel-haired vampire out of my head.

Just then, voices on the air caught my attention.

"Grace, help me hang the washing up, please." It was the voice of an older woman, probably her mother. There was silence. "Grace, now," she shouted.

_Carlisle, leave now, this is inappropriate and reckless!_

Finally giving in to the scolding voice in my head, I turned to leave when I heard her voice.

"Grace, go help Mother, please," Esme whispered pleadingly. I froze, all thoughts of leaving had vanished. Peering through the trees, I saw her sat on the steps with her broken leg sticking out in front of her. At her side sat a young girl with curly brown hair who I assumed must be Grace. "Please, Grace," she pleaded again.

"Okay, E-may," Grace said reluctantly. She stood up from her seat at her sister's side and walked over to where her mother was waiting impatiently. She looked at the washing that her mother had already hung up critically.

"Not straight," she told her mother.

"Oh Grace, it's perfectly fine," her mother scoffed.

"Not straight!" Grace shouted.

"It doesn't matter, now be quiet and help me!" her mother scolded harshly.

"Grace, just help Mother, please," Esme shouted beseechingly. I watched as she struggled to stand up and walk over to her sister on her broken leg. I had to resist the urge to rush over and help her, like I had outside the hospital.

"Not straight, mama!" Grace shouted.

"Fine, I'll do it by myself. Esme take Grace back inside," their mother said exasperatedly. The little girl ran back to her sister. Esme was stood on the steps, having given up with trying to walk, clinging to the door handle for support.

Grace sat down on the steps and Esme sat down again beside her.

"E-may, be okay?"

"I'll be fine, don't worry Grace." The little girl didn't reply and the sisters sat in silence watching their mother.

It was only two sentences, but it confirmed what I already knew from the hospital.

_She truly loves her sister, despite her being an oddity._ I knew from personal experience what it was like to be the person who was shunned by society. It took a brave person to stand against those opinions and be willing to love someone despite them.

_She is brave and loving._

I saw her smile at her sister and I remembered the way she had smiled and joked at the hospital.

_Despite everything life has dealt her, she is still a jolly person._

I watched as her and her sister walked into the house, Esme hobbling because of the cast on her leg.

_The cast I have to take off in six weeks. I cannot be there. She is a lively person with her whole future ahead off her. She had a sister who needs her; she is the only person in the world who cares for that child. You cannot take Esme away from her._

My decision made, I fled from my spot in the trees, determined to leave before I could change my mind.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was with utter despair that I packed my belongings up, preparing myself to move once again.

I had handed in my notice at the hospital, claiming a hospital in Chicago needed me urgently.

_You needed to leave soon anyway._ I tried to cheer myself up and failed. Now that time had passed, and I was reflecting back on what I had done, I couldn't help but despise myself for my actions yesterday.

_An innocent child with her whole life ahead of her, and a sister who needs her, how could you even consider it, Carlisle? _The self-damning voice that spoke in third person had been in overdrive ever since my idiotic visit to the Platt's farm.

As I boarded the train for Chicago, I allowed myself to think of her one more time.

_Have a good life, Esme. You deserve it._

I silently sent up a prayer that she would. If anyone should have a chance to enjoy life, it was that vibrant young girl who was so spirited, but also kind-heartened beyond what I had ever seen.

Then I promised myself that for both our sakes I would never think of her again.

* * *

**Yet another of my short, quick insight into Carlisle's mind chapters.**

**The vampire stalker aspect was inspired by the months where Edward sneaked in through Bella's window without her knowing in Twilight.**

**Just to make it clear, Carlisle was not considering changing her for romantic reasons – she is only sixteen at this point – but out of a simple need for a friend and companion. The same reasons he finally caves in and changes Edward seven years later (who was only a year older than Esme was.) If he had changed her when she was sixteen, I'm certain that eventually the same feelings he felt for twenty six year old Esme would have emerged, but I don't think he would have changed her for that reason. I don't believe he was thinking of her as possible romantic companion when he find her in the morgue a decade later either.**

**Also, does anyone else get the scolding third-person voice or am I just insane? (Well, at least I got to make Carlisle insane with me.)**

**Reviews are always appreciated. What did you think of Carlisle's views on Esme?**


	18. Teaching

1915

_Esme_

I finished writing on the chalkboard and turned back to the class. It was a small class of younger students; their innocent faces stared back at me, perplexed.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this problem?" I asked them.

John, sat at the very front, raised his hand first, as always.

"Let's gave someone else a go first, John," I chided gently. I had to suppress a smile when his face screwed up into what I can only call a pout.

"Anyone?" Eleven faces stared blankly at me, while John seemed to be having difficultly keeping the answer to himself.

"Please, Miss. Can I answer now?" he pleaded.

"Does nobody else know the answer? Think about it now. Use your fingers if you must." I watched as the rest of the class began counting their fingers, while John watched them all impatiently.

_I can't deny him his chance to shine, even if I do need to know the rest of the class was learning as well._

It was a problem I had first discovered when I started teaching here six months previously. Every child was at a different age and a different stage, and it was difficult to teach those who were behind without reining in those like John. I finally established the best way was to drop the standard method of having them work in silence all the time and to discuss the work as a class instead. My fellow teachers thought I was mad. Why would you want to create extra work for yourself, they asked. But I didn't care, I just wanted to give my pupils the best education I could.

"Everyone write their answer down, and then we'll discuss it." I heard the sound of chalk and slate. "Everyone got an answer?" Twelve heads nodded up and down. "Show me." Obediently, they all turned their slates around. A surge of pride filled me when I realised every single one of them had the right answer.

_I taught them that._

After class was finished, I went over to my Aunt Mary's house to see my cousin Helen. Aunt Mary lived locally to the school and it had been her who had originally secured me the place at the school, at Helen's suggestion.

While I had drifted somewhat from the cousin who had been my closest childhood friend, we still got on well enough. As with the rest of my family, it her attitude towards Grace that was the sticking point in our relationship. While Helen was not as condescending as my parents, she still regarded my sister with something akin to disdain, though she at least tried to hide it. I would never know her true opinion of my sister. Unlike the rest of my family, she and Aunt Mary at least had the commonsense to keep their opinions to themselves, which I was grateful for.

_At least they do not treat her openly with disgust, which I suppose is a start._

Whatever their unsaid opinions were, they were still the family members I was closest to, Grace aside.

It had been the lessons I had given my sister that had sparked my interest in teaching. I had felt invigorated at being able to help my sister, and the pride I felt as she learnt each new thing was beyond words. Watching her face light up every time she got a question right was a joy to behold.

I had got her to do her sums in front of Helen one day. She had taken Helen completely by surprise. It was that conversation which had led to my appointment at the local school near her home, much to my parent's disapproval.

My parents wished for me to marry soon, as was normal for a girl my age. A part of me yearned to be able to leave my parents' house, but I did not want to do it that way. _I'd just go from my father's control to my husband's. Father. A husband. What would the difference be? I'd still be under the control of a man._ I did not want to turn into a woman like my own mother, keeping everything bottled inside her. On the outside, my mother acted the part of the perfect wife. As for what went on inside her head, I would never know – she wouldn't ever say any of it out loud.

"Esme! Esme!" My cousin's excited squeal came from inside the house as I opened the front door. "Guess what?"

"What?" I asked; intrigued to see what had caused her excitement. I sat down in the nearest chair, watching her as she beamed at me from across the room.

"Thomas proposed!"

_And there goes another one!_

I forced myself to smile for my cousin's benefit. "Congratulations."

"And I was wondering, would you be my maid of honor?"

_What? Why would anyone want me to help plan a wedding?_

I wanted to ask her what in the world she was thinking, but instead I forced myself to look happy. "I would be delighted to."

"Oh, thank you, Esme," she squealed, getting off her chair and pulling me up into a hug. "Does this mean I get to be your maid of honor someday?" she asked hopefully.

_I wouldn't hold your breath on that one._

"Helen, you know how I-" I began, but she cut me off.

"You say that now, but someday soon, when you met the right man, you'll be whistling a different tune."

"When I met the right man," I scoffed for my cousin's benefit; little did she know I had already met the right man. My thoughts drifted back four years to the handsome, thoughtful doctor who had treated me with such care, and had talked to me with such interest. He was like no man I had met since, no other man could even come close to him.

It was the ultimate contradiction. As a general rule, I despised the idea of marriage. But the idea of being Mrs Cullen was something that had plagued my daydreams ever since that fateful hospital trip four years ago. Dr Cullen did not seem like the sort of man who would try to control his wife. But there was another side of my daydreams as well. Even with my limited knowledge of what happened between a married couple behind closed doors, I still yearned for his touch. I imagined him kissing me gently. I remembered the feel of his cool hands on my leg, and wanted to feel his hands on me again.

_Not that I ever did … he didn't even remove my cast._

My excitement to return to the hospital had turned to despair upon discovering Dr Cullen would not be the one to remove my cast. Finally steeling my courage, I asked the gruff doctor who did what had happened to Dr Cullen; the reply was that he had gotten a job offer in Chicago six weeks ago. I remembered Dr Cullen's grimace when I had mentioned seeing him again, and, ridiculous as it sounded, I couldn't shake the feeling that he had left because of me.

Leaving the hospital I hadn't been able to figure out how to feel. After all, I had been nothing more than his patient, yet it still felt like he had run away from me. Abandoned me. Even though I was never his anyway, just a silly teenage girl with a crush.

"Surely you can't plan to spend all your life as a maiden teacher?" Helen's voice pulled me out of my memory.

_Four years later and I'm still obsessing over him like a love struck teen. This has to stop._

But try as I might, I could do nothing to stop my shameful fantasies over the striking doctor who I had only spoke to for half an hour four years ago.

_It's absurd behaviour._

"I don't know what I want to do to be truthful, Helen. For now I'm just happy looking after my pupils and Grace."

"One day soon, Esme, you'll find the man for you. Then we'll see if you give your pupils and … if you give your pupils a second thought." Helen tried to hide her slip up, knowing what I would say to the idea of abandoning Grace. Wisely, she quickly moved the conversation on. "Can you tell your parents for me? And Mother would like to ask Aunt Ruth if she'd be willing to help."

_Great. Mother, Aunt Mary, Helen, and me - all planning a wedding together. Plenty of time for disapproving looks and pointed questions about my own marital status from all three of them._

"Of course. I should be getting home now." I usually stayed longer than this, torn between my desire to stay away from my house and my guilt for leaving Grace alone with Mother. But today I had no desire to sit around discussing weddings with Helen.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Three months later, our family had just returned from Helen's wedding. As I had watched my cousin and Thomas together, there could be no doubt she was happy. Her and Thomas seemed to be truly in love, you could tell by the way that they looked at each other. It made me feel slightly jealous. The only man who had ever made me feel happy had disappeared, and I would never see him again. No other man had ever come close to touching my heart.

My mother had tried subtly to get me to dance with half a dozen bachelors. I saw straight through her attempts, but went along with it anyway. They _were all OK, I suppose. Nice enough, handsome enough._ But I couldn't help but compare them to him. And they all paled in comparison. It was as we were leaving I came to a conclusion.

_I need a fresh start._

I had a plan now. I had a bit of money saved up from my months of teaching. I would use it to travel west and teach over there, it was an idea I had been considering for months.

_A chance to escape my parents, and to finally place my silly girlhood fantasies in the past where they belong._

Mother and me were preparing Father's supper. Grace had stormed off to her bedroom after Mother had scolded her for her anti-social behaviour at the wedding.

_It's not like I didn't warn her Grace wouldn't cope well surrounded by a large group of people._

Before we had left I had overheard our father warning Grace that if she embarrassed them at the wedding he would strike her once we got home. I would have intervened, but I knew by now that Father would never listen to my advice regarding Grace. So instead I went to talk to her after Father had walked out the room, and told her that I would help her through it best I could. Her refusal to talk to anyone aside, she had been on her best behaviour and I was proud of her - knowing how she hated crowds - even if our parents were only focusing on the negative, as usual.

"So, any of those nice young men catch your attention today, Esme?" my mother asked. I repressed a sigh.

"No, Mother," I answered stiffly.

"Oh, Esme," my mother sighed. "You'll have to settle down one day, they were all perfectly good men, why couldn't you at least court one of them. You'll never get a husband at this rate."

"Have you ever considered I don't want a husband?" I replied hotly.

My mother chuckled slightly. "Don't be so ridiculous, Esme, what else will you do with your life. You can't live here all your life."

"Actually, that's something I need to talk to you and Father about." My mother looked at me quizzically.

"Whatever it is, it will have to wait until your father has eaten. Meet me in the parlour, I have some sewing that needs doing." She picked up the plate with Father's supper on, and with one last inquiring look in my direction, carried it through to the dining room.

I walked into the parlour and picked up the sewing I had abandoned this morning. I was mending one of Grace's dresses. Mother insisted that if Grace needed something mended, she should learn to sew herself, but whenever she tried she pricked her fingers constantly and lost her temper with it.

My mother joined me shortly afterwards.

"So what is it you need to talk to your father and me about?" she asked curiously. Her concentration, however, was on the pair of Father's trousers she was mending.

"I've decided I'm going to move west to teach," I told her. She dropped the needle and thread in surprise, and let the pair of trouser lay limply on her legs.

"You're what? Oh, Esme, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not, Mother," I said angrily.

"Your father simply will not allow it."

"So?" I said rudely. My mother shot me a reprimanding look.

"Esme Anne Platt! You are a young lady and you should remember to act like one. Do not talk to me like that and do not be rude about your father," she scolded.

"Mother, I've made my mind up."

"Well, unmake it. And don't you dare bring this up in front of your father."

"No, Mother, actually I'm going to tell him now."

"Your funeral," my mother muttered under her breath.

My father was sat in the living room, nursing a whiskey.

"Yes, Esme?" he asked testily.

"I have to tell you something, Father. I've decided to move to the west to teach," I announced calmly, trying to hide my anxiety over his reaction.

"No, you're not," he stated gruffly.

"I've saved some money and I have enough to catch a train and rent a property."

"You're not going anywhere. I won't have my daughter traipsing unaccompanied across the country. I don't know where you get these ridiculous ideas from."

"I thought you wanted me out of the house?"

"Married to a respectable man, not as some harlot running away from home."

My temper boiled over. I'd had it with being bossed around. _This is my life, my decision, not his._

"I'm going to leave as soon as possible," I continued, as if he hadn't said anything.

"No you're not!"

"Esme, listen to your father." I hadn't heard her come in, but my mother was stood in the doorway.

_Esme, listen to your father, that's all she ever has to say._

Angrily, I stormed out of the living room. A part of me was scolding myself for acting like no better than a spoilt child who hadn't got her away, but I was fed up. Fed up with my life, with my parents, with this house where family acted like strangers, and everyone tipped-toe round each other.

Finally reaching my room, I closed the door behind me with a slam.

_How unladylike, Esme!_ The sarcastic voice in my head mocked my mother as I collapsed onto my bed.

Five minutes later, there was a gentle knock on my door. I knew it wasn't either of my parents. My father would have pounded on it and my mother always did a quick urgent sounding knock. No, this knock was shy and timid, like the person doing it.

_It's only Grace, thank God._

"Yes, Grace?" I called sweetly. She opened the door and walked in. One look at her face told me she had been crying. Silently, she sat down on my floor, looking up at me.

"What's wrong, Grace? What happened?" Automatically my thoughts went to our father, but I knew he hadn't spoken to Grace since we arrived home.

"Esme leaving?" she asked sadly. She had finally learnt how to pronounce my name properly, but she had to concentrate to do so.

_Grace. I can't leave her._

In my determination to leave and my anger at my parents, I had forgotten about my sister. I imagined my poor sister, abandoned by me, and stuck to live in a house with only our uncaring parents as company.

_I can't do that to her. How had I even considered it?_

"No," I told her. She smiled then.

"I didn't want you to," she told me. Then she skipped out of my room.

I collapsed back onto my bed in defeat.

* * *

**I've always imagined Esme was a bit rebellious, even as a young adult, hence why she didn't give in to her parents demands for her to marry for so long.**

**What are your thoughts on this chapter? Do you think I've portrayed the relationship between Esme and her parents realistically? What did you make of Esme's daydreams about a certain doctor? Any thoughts on Esme's feelings of obligation towards Grace? As you all probably know by now, reviews are greatly appreciated and make me a very happy author :)**


	19. No Choice

1917

_Esme_

I looked disbelievingly at the bride in the mirror. I still couldn't believe that it was my reflection, and that I'd agreed to do this.

I swallowed heavily; my mouth and throat were dry from nerves. I felt like I was going to throw up. But, unlike a normal bride, I was not nervous because of my excitement at marrying the man I loved, but because I couldn't fight the feeling that I shouldn't do this. I wanted to run away, to leave this room, and never look back.

_I could just leave now. Walk out the door and run. I wonder if I could make it to the train station before anyone caught up with me?_

But it was only a passing fantasy; I knew I had to go through with today.

_They'll be no going back once you've done it, you'll be tied to him forever._

Again the desire to flee filled me. I had always told myself I would not end up like my mother, a quiet obedient wife. That to avoid that fate, I would simply never marry.

_Maybe I won't end up like Mother. After all, Charles may not be like Father._

That was part of the problem though. I hardly knew Charles Evenson, the man who, in just under an hour, I would be tied to for life. Maybe he would be a completely different sort of husband to my father, or maybe he would be exactly the same. I simply didn't know. I could only hope for the former.

_Is this really a gamble I should be willing to take? What if Charles is exactly like Father, or even worse, what will I do then?_

I shuddered at the thought. I couldn't be some quiet mouse in my husband's shadow. I had always stood up for what I believed in. I had gone against my parents again and again, over Grace, over teaching and over marriage. I couldn't be some obedient little wife.

_What other choice is there but to go through with this and hope for the best?_

There was no other choice. The school I had taught at had closed down. I had little hope of founding a new post without having to leave home, which I couldn't do to Grace.

The very next day, in an attempt I believe my mother thinks was subtle, the Evenson family had visited for tea. Mr Evenson was a long-standing friend of my fathers, and it was that day I first met his son for the first time. Two months later, Charles had proposed, and my father had made it very clear that I would be leaving his house soon, one way or another. _With no job and the threat of no home, what other option did I have but to accept?_ Any other young women would have been ecstatic at this solution to my problems, but to me it felt like coercion.

_Seriously, if I left who would miss me? I'm sure Charles could find a new bride. It's not like he actually loves me. He just needs a wife. Any girl could fill that rule. My parents have wanted rid of me for years. I just have to change out of this dress and run. No one will miss me, except Grace._

_Grace. I can't leave her. She needs me, here in Columbus, and the best way to stay here is to become Charles Evenson's wife._

The feeling of hopelessness I had carried around with me for the last three months engulfed me again. It felt like I was drowning, struggling to resurface above the water, but unable to do so.

_There is no other option. This is what I have to do._

"Esme?" Helen walked into the room. She was my maid of honor, just as I'd promised two years ago, even though I'd barely seen her since she moved with her husband to Milwaukee. "You nervous?"

"A little bit," I said, the shakiness of my voice giving me away. She smiled.

"About the ceremony? You'll be fine, you look beautiful." I looked at the bride in the mirror, forcing myself to admit it was I who was reflected in the glass.

_Esme Anne Platt, the strong-headed girl who would never marry is gone. I'm Mrs. Charles Evenson from here on in._

I nodded in answer to her question, unwilling to say the real fears that plagued me.

"Are you worried about … your wedding night?" I nodded again. It was just another part of my upcoming nuptials I was trying not to think of. Last night my mother had come to my room for a highly uninformative talk. The way she spoke of the martial act made it sound like just another chore to endure. I still only had limited knowledge of what happened behind bedroom doors, and when I allowed myself to think about it, the thought scared me.

_What would I have to do with a man who was almost a complete stranger to me?_

These thoughts did nothing to help my fear of being controlled.

_Even my body would belong to him._

Helen smiled sympathetically at me. "You'll be fine, just let Charles show you what to do. You'll soon learn what you've been missing out on all these years, Miss. I-Will-Never-Marry, then you'll wonder why you ever insisted on waiting so long."

She spoke as though what she and Thomas do together is pleasurable, so unlike Mother's whispered words about 'doing what has to be done.'

There was a knock on the door and my father's gruff voice asked Helen if I was ready yet.

"Yes, you can come in, Uncle Henry," Helen replied. My father walked in and smiled at me. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him looking so happy.

"You look nice, Esme," he told me.

_Of course he's happy, he's finally getting rid of me. _I couldn't help the bitterness in my thoughts, the only thing I'd ever done to make him and Mother happy was finally choose to leave them.

"They're ready for us. Shall we go?"

_No, Father, I want you to take me to the nearest train station where I can board the first train out of here._

Instead I said, "Yes, let's go," while imagining his face if I had said what I had wanted to.

_He'd probably all but drag me down the aisle at this point._

The bridal chorus played as I walked down the aisle on my father's arm. I looked at the man at the end of it, trying to make my heart beat faster, trying to make myself fall in love with him.

_Nothing._

Then, just for one second, I imagined a different man at the end of the aisle. A beautiful pale man with kind gold eyes stood waiting for me. My heart did start beating faster as happiness flooded me.

"Esme looks pretty," the voice brought me crashing back down to reality. I spotted Grace and my mother sat at the front; Mother was glaring at my sister. Another fantasy entered my mind.

_Just grab Grace and run. I can get us both away from here._

_But where to go? I wonder if we could catch a train to Chicago? That's where the other doctor said he would be … This has to stop. I have to face that this is my reality. Silly little daydreams are just that, silly._

I gave my sister a reassuring smile to thank her for her comment, before turning my head back to face forwards, to look at my husband-to-be. I forced myself to keep walking, to keep a steady pace so no one would notice my distraction. Every instinct was telling me to run and to run now, but still I forced myself to keep walking.

Eventually, but still to soon in my opinion, we reached the end of the aisle. My father passed my hand to Charles, who took it with a smile.

_The time-old symbol of 'here, she's your problem now.'_

I wasn't really listening as the minister began to speak; I was too preoccupied with planning an escape before I had actually said the vows.

_That back door's the nearest, if I went through it I could be out of here before they could stop me …_

"If anyone can show just cause why they may not be legally wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

_Me! I do!_ I wanted to scream 'me', but my mouth didn't move. I waited, secretly hoping somebody would speak up, but of course nobody did.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" the minister asked.

"We do," I heard my parents reply.

_Of course they do._

I started listening then, knowing my part would be soon, and finally accepting what I had already known.

_There is no other option. No other choice. I have to go through with this._

"I do." I heard Charles' voice saying the fatal words.

The minister turned to address me. "Esme, do you take Charles for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do?" My reply sounded like a question to me, but nobody else seemed to notice.

_I do? Do I? What have I just done? I don't want this!_

The minister turned back to Charles again and they both said his vows, then it was my turn again. I copied the minister out of reflex, not knowing what else to do at this point. I was in too deep now, there was no way out.

_I don't want this! I don't want this! Make it stop! Please God make this stop. I'm in a Church and I'm praying. Help me!_

But my silent plea to the heavens went unanswered, as Charles slipped a ring onto my finger. I felt something be passed into my other hand, Charles' ring. Taking his hand, I clumsily pushed the ring onto it.

"With this ring, I thee wed."

_Why did I say that? What am I doing? What have I just done?_

The minister kept talking, as I continued my internal panic.

_I can't take it back now. I'm his wife forever. What did I just do? Why did I do that? What am I going to do?_

"I now pronounce that they are husband and wife."

_No! No I'm not! I take it back! I take it back! I'm not his wife! Please, can I take it back?_

The minister turned to Charles and me. "You may now seal the promises you have made each other with a kiss."

_No! I don't want to seal any promises!_ I felt Charles' lips on mine for a brief second.

"Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the loving couple Mr. and Mrs. Evenson!"

_Mrs. Evenson. Mrs. Evenson. That's who I am now. What have I done? There's no going back now._

Charles seemed to be looking at me funny for a second, before he linked his arm through mine, and we walked together down the aisle to the cheers of our families.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The reception seemed to pass by in a blur. Too soon, we arrived back at Charles' house, our house now.

Charles said little as he led me up the stairs and into his bedroom. _Our bedroom._

My nerves from earlier returned again, but worse.

_It has to be done; I may as well just get it over with already. This is my life now, and I'll have to do this time and time again in the coming years._

"Come here," Charles said to me. I walked over to him and felt his lips on mine, and his hands on my hips, pulling me closer, but I didn't know how to respond. He pulled away after a short while and looked at me quizzically, clearly I'd done something wrong.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted quietly.

"Take your clothes off," he said. With numb fingers I responded, taking the layers of clothing off until I was stood in just my undergarments.

Charles looked at me appreciatively, a twisted sort of smile on his face.

"Take them off as well." Much as I didn't want to, I began fumbling with the back of my corset.

_I knew this was coming. He's completely in his right to demand this and there's nothing I can do about it. I agreed to this. I made a vow to do this._

When the last of my undergarments was off, I stood there, naked in front of him. I'd never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I hated the feel of his gaze on my exposed body. I wanted my clothes back on, everything had felt much safer with my clothes on.

"Lie down on the bed," he ordered. As much as I hated that I was already taking orders from him, I realised I had no other choice at this point. I had agreed to this, and since I didn't know what had to be done, everything was in his power right now.

_Already._

I lay down on the bed as I heard him taking off his own clothing. Then he clambered on top of me, holding his body above mine. His hand went to my inner thigh and I gasped as I he forced my legs open.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Charles slept next to me and I lay beside him, silently crying. My lower body was still sore from earlier. There had been no love, or care, in the act we had performed together earlier. Only pain. I had been relieved when it was finally over, but then I remembered that I would have to go through with it again tomorrow night if he wanted, and the night after that if he wished it so, and so on and so on, for the rest of the conceivable future.

_What have I agreed to? What have I done?_

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**What did you think of this chapter? Reviews are always appreciated :)**


	20. The Start

**Disclaimer: If you're reading this story, then you probably know where this section of it is heading. But in case anyone doesn't, this chapter does continue violence against women and suggests towards what we would nowadays call rape. I've tried not to be to graphic, but if these subjects are a trigger for you, I suggest you don't read this chapter.**

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1917

_Esme_

As I placed Charles' dinner back in the oven to keep warm, I reflected on the first month of my marriage. It was like living in a house with a stranger, a feeling I was used to after growing up in my parents' house. We both went around our lives, he went to work and I cooked and cleaned, but we did little as a couple. The rare conversations we shared were stilted and shallow. The only activity we did participate in together was the painful act I endured in the night.

_Is marriage like this for all women?_

I imagined that if you actually loved the person you were married to, then perhaps there wouldn't be any of the awkwardness there was between Charles and me during the day. _But are the nights the same for all couples?_ I simply did not know. _Is what I go through normal?_ I remembered my mother's talk of 'just another chore to endure', but the way Helen had spoke about it suggested pleasure and enjoyment. _There is certainly none of that for me. _I had no way of knowing what was normal and not, and there was certainly no one I was willing to ask. Which left me with no other choice but to keep quiet and say nothing, an action I had always promised myself I would never do about anything

_What other option is there? Unless I talk to Charles… _I tried to envision myself discussing our sex life with my husband, a man I was still terribly awkward around even after a month of marriage. I was getting embarrassed just imagining it.

_Oh, pull it together already, Esme, _I chastised myself. It would have to be done; I couldn't bear the thought of yet another night of pain.

_He'll never know unless I tell him, and perhaps if I do he will try and make it, if not pleasurable, then at least tolerable._

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Charles didn't come home until two hours after he was due back from work. I was sat in the living room, sewing up one of my dresses. I could smell the alcohol on him the minute he stumbled through the door.

"And there she is, my wife," he announced drunkenly. Then he staggered across the room and collapsed onto the sofa beside me, leaving the door wide up. With an annoyed sigh, I stood up to close the door.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked me sarcastically. His hand shot out and grabbed mine, pulling me back down aggressively so that I landed on his lap.

"You left the door up, Charles," I told him crossly.

"So? I only just got home, don't I at least get a kiss?" Before I could answer he kissed me assertively. He forced my mouth to open roughly and his tongue claimed the inside of my mouth. The smell and taste of whiskey was over-powering, and without thinking about it I tried to push him of me.

The slap came unexpectedly. My right cheek stung where his hand had hit me. I quickly stood up out of his lap and backed myself away from him.

_He hit me._

Panic began to spread through me. _What am I supposed to do know? _The only advice I had on marriage was to never anger my husband, courtesy of my mother, but what was I supposed to do when he was already angry and he had hit me?

"You hit me," I stated out loud. I didn't know what else to do or say. I stood watching him, waiting for an apology or an explanation. But he said neither. Instead he just shrugged at me.

"What's for dinner?" he asked calmly.

_How can he act like it doesn't matter? _Anger boiled up inside me. Husband or not, he had no right to hit me. I had allowed him to hurt me nightly for a month without once standing up for myself, but this was the final straw. Growing up, I had always stood up for what I believed in, why should now be any different just because I'm a wife?

_No more! I will not be one of those women who are obedient pushovers!_

Mother would not improve, but I had promised myself long ago that I would not be a woman like my mother. I would not be Charles' quiet little wife who let him hit her. I thought again of the pain I had endured every night for the last month. I had allowed him to do that because I believed he had a right to do so, but now I realised how stupid a way of thinking that was.

_Nobody has the right to hurt me, even if he is my husband._

"You hit me," I said again, angrily. Charles looked at me blankly.

"So?" he asked, confused.

"You have no right to do that," I told him fiercely. To my astonishment, he chuckled at me. Then he stood up from the sofa, and walked towards me, with a slightly drunken swagger. I instinctively found myself backing away from him, until I felt the wall against my back. Charles stopped only inches away from my face; I could smell the whiskey on his breath. I tried in vain to push him backwards, but his hands captured my wrists and held onto them tightly. I tried to pull them free, but it was a pointless struggle, and he tightened his grip until it hurt. Realising I had no chance of escaping him, I stilled myself.

"Esme," he began, in a voice that was low and dangerous, "you are my wife. I can do whatever I want to you. If I want to slap you, I can." One of his hands let go of the wrist it enclosed to strike my face again.

Tears sprung to my eyes and, despite my best efforts, I began to sob silently. All the fight from earlier left me, as I waited fearfully to find out what he would do next. He had me in his grasp and I had no escape. He was right; he could do whatever he wanted to me right now.

"If I want to kiss you, I can." Again his rough lips found me. His tongue snaked sickeningly into my mouth. I fought the urge to push him off me again, knowing it would only end in another slap. Finally, after a nauseating minute, his lips left mine. I tried during that minute to think of a way out, of an escape route, but I came up blank. My chances to escape had disappeared as soon as I had said the fatal words a month ago. I had made my decision. I chose to marry Charles, and now I was facing the consequences. I had no excuses. I had known that marriage meant you became a man's property, which was why I had argued so hard against the idea for years.

_Had I really been naïve enough to believe my marriage would be any different?_

Charles' hands pushed me by my shoulders back against the wall, before travelling downwards to land on my breasts, which he squeezed roughly. I cried out with the pain, mortification coursing through me.

_I give him the right to do this. This is entirely my fault._

"And if I want to you have right now, I can." Terror filled me as I realised what was coming next. I could tell there was no way out of it. He was drunk and violent; I didn't stand a chance at stopping him from doing exactly what he wished to me. I was trying not to imagine what was going to happen in the nearby future, but I could tell that this time was going to be the worst so far.

"The door's still open," I argued weakly, as his fingers fumbled with the back of my dress. I knew it would not deter him for long, but some rebellious part of me refused to simply accept my fate, even while I knew I had no way out of it.

His fingers stilled on my back, before he pushed me harshly in the direction of the door.

"Go close it then," he ordered. I stumbled toward the door, still silently sobbing. I looked out at the dark street.

_Just run, now. He's drunk and has no hope of catching you. You can't live like this the rest of your life. _The mutinous teenager I had once been urged me on. My hand hesitated above the door handle, unwilling to lock myself in and resign myself to what I knew was about to happen.

_What if he gets drunk again? Will it end up like this again? Can I really live this way my entire life?_

Without even realizing I had made a decision, I took half a step out of the doorway. I got no further as I was abruptly pulled backwards. The force caused me to go crashing backwards into the living room. My arm caught the corner of the table as I fell, cutting it open. Then I landed heavily onto the floor. I heard the ominous slam of the door shutting and a key being turned in the lock.

_I'm truly trapped now._

Quickly, I tried to stand up, wanting to run even though I knew I had nowhere to go. Without thinking about it, I began to dash toward the stairs. I didn't know where I was going, or what I was doing; I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

I had only made it up two steps when he caught me. I had known I didn't stand a chance, but despair still filled me when I felt his hand grab my ankle. With one sharp pull, he sent me hurtling onto the living room floor.

"You thought you could run away from me, you bitch?" he spat at me. "You're my wife, Esme, and I'll do exactly what I want to you." His hands held me by my wrists, pinning me to the floor. "Now, I've got a problem, haven't I? I can't let you up in case you try to run away again, but I need to get these trousers off." With a sudden jerky movement, he pulled me into a sitting position. "You do it," he ordered, placing my hands on his waist. Humiliation coursed through me as he controlled my hands like a puppet master. I tried to pull them away, not wanting to feel what was under his trousers, as it would only confirm what I knew was due to happen next.

It was not a slap this time, but a punch. The force sent me flying back onto the floor, where I landed with a heavy clunk. The pain in my head was becoming intolerable from all the blows it had taken.

My vision was blurred, but I heard his voice growl. "What sort of rubbish wife are you, anyway?" Then I curled up in pain as his foot connected with my stomach, and then my ribs. I heard the sound of his trousers falling to the floor, and then he forced me to lay flat. He pushed my dress up aggressively and carelessly pulled down my stockings and bloomers. Unthinkingly I kicked and struggled against him, every instinct I possessed telling me to do whatever I could to stop him.

"Stop struggling, Esme, or this will be much worse." I stopped moving instantly. I could tell he meant it, even though I could not imagine anything worse. His face wore a sadistic look of victory.

_He has won. There is no escape for me now._

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I kept my eyes closed as I heard Charles waking up beside me in the bed. If I opened them, then I would have to face reality. I tried to trick my mind into believing it was all just a terrible dream. That it hadn't happened. But as my body woke up, the numbness of sleep wore off and the pain returned.

_It was real. It truly happened. What do I do know?_

Gingerly, I stepped out of the bed. I moved carefully, but each movement caused more pain. I clutched my chest, where the pain was worst. I remembered the force of his foot, still wearing his shoe, as he booted me, and wondered bleakly if my ribs were broken.

Eventually I reached the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. It was a downtrodden woman that stared back at me. She had a black eye and several bruises on her face. There were bruises on both arms, as well as a long cut down one of them. She stared back at me in horror, the perfect reflection of a broken-down wife.

_The very thing I told myself over and over again I would never be._

I began to gently pull my nightdress up to inspect my stomach and chest. The bruises that covered my arms were there too. There was two large bruises taking centre stage. One was on my ribs, and the other on my stomach. I touched the area cautiously and the pain there increased tenfold.

I heard the door to the bathroom open and quickly dropped my nightdress. I looked at Charles expectantly, waiting for the remorse that would surely come now he was sober.

"That looked bad, perhaps you should go to the hospital," he said calmly. "It's so unfortunate you tripped and fell down the stairs last night, isn't it, Esme?" he added menacingly. With that one line he dashed my hopes that this would be a one-time thing because he had been drinking.

_There is no remorse. No apology. He doesn't care._

My temper flared up again at his callous words. _How dare he stand there so calmly after what he did?_

"I didn't fall down the stairs, Charles," I told him forcefully.

"Yes, but who do you think the doctor will believe?" He smiled slightly. No doctor would agree with a woman over her husband. Charles had me in his power and he knew it. I was his wife and he could do what he wished.

_I agreed to this. I agreed to be his wife. What have I done? I've doomed myself to a life of pain and humiliation._

During the night while Charles had slept, after forcing himself upon me once more in the bed, I had laid beside him awake, unable to sleep due to the soreness of my body. I had considered all my options before accepting what, if I was being honest, I had already known. My parents would never allow me to go home. I had no money of my own and no job. I was stuck and there was no one who could, or would, help me.

Remembering my miserable conclusion from last night, the anger disappeared as quickly as it came, to be replaced with hopelessness. I knew now that I shouldn't fight for what I believed in anymore, like I had always had before. It would only bring more pain and humiliation.

"You shouldn't hit me, Charles." It came out as a snivel; I wasn't arguing but pleading. The teenaged Esme Platt would have been ashamed of me. But I wasn't her any longer. I was Mrs. Esme Evenson now, which meant I was completely in the power of the man before me.

"You should behave like a wife should, Esme," he replied. The girl I had once been bristled inside me, but I ignored her. Her way of behaving would not help me now.

I nodded silently. "I'm sorry," I whispered dejectedly.

_Wait, why am I apologising? He's the one who hit me! He should be apologising, not me. _The rebellious girl who would never marry continued to scream at me to tell him where to go. But that girl had ended up married, and now I had to face the consequences.

"It's okay, darling," he said, surprisingly gentle. He brushed my bruised face tenderly, and I stopped myself from cringing away from his touch. "Go make us some breakfast, then you can go get yourself sorted out at the hospital while I'm at work." He turned to leave, and he got to the doorway before turning to me and adding, "You really should be more careful on the stairs, eh clumsy?" The words were said jokingly, but I heard the intended threat behind them.

Again I nodded. "Silly me," I said shakily. Satisfied with my answer, Charles headed into the hallway back towards our bedroom, closing the bathroom door behind him. As soon as he was gone I collapsed onto the bathroom floor, sobbing.

A few minutes later I told myself I had to stand up. Refusing to look at the damaged woman in the mirror again, I began to go about my daily routine. I tried to concentrate on the mundane tasks, but my mind kept trailing back to my woeful predicament.

_No options. No way out. What is there to stop him from repeating last night? All I can do is hope for the best, again, and that clearly didn't turn out well last time._

The teenaged me in my mind's eye scoffed at me, telling me that this is why you never marry, and that I should have listened to her, for what was I going to do now?

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**This chapter was difficult for me to write, but hopefully it came across as I wished. I was trying to show how the rebellious side of Esme we've seen in earlier chapters was subdued by Charles' terrible actions as she soon realises she can't fight against him. What are your thoughts on this chapter? Did Esme's horror at what was happening come across to you? Reviews are always greatly appreciated. **

**For the next few chapters I'm going to get away from Esme's human life, as I really don't want to write lots of chapters where she gets beat up. You all know it happens repeatedly, and I wanted to cover it at least once, but you don't need me describing every attack in detail throughout her human life.**

**Anyway, we go back to Carlisle next chapter, who is about to come across a certain 17-year-old boy.**


	21. Elizabeth's Plea

**Some of the dialogue and events in this chapter are based around Chapter 2, Stitches, of New Moon. Which is, of course, the property of Stephanie Meyer.**

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1918

_Carlisle_

It was an epidemic like none I'd ever seen before in all my centuries of practising medicine. They called it the Spanish Influenza, though why I do not know. Just when we had thought it was over, a second, more deadly, wave had struck. Unlike a normal flu, it did not take down the weak, but the strong. It took down adults in the prime of their life. Men and women who had so much to live for. Those who had families who needed them and lives ahead of them. However, the worst part of all was that there was nothing we could do. Patient after patient came in dying, and, even with all the medical advances in the last century, there was nothing I, or any other doctor, could do. It was hard not to feel useless when I was not treating people, but simply observing them as they died. I could see the death and loss taking its toll on my colleagues. They all appeared tired and downtrodden, worn down by the constant fight against death. I, of course, showed no outwards signs of our struggle against this deadly disease, but inside I was just as frustrated as they were. The worst part for me was when I had to return home to keep up my human façade. I would have to leave the hospital where I was so badly needed, and return to the cold and empty house on the outskirts that I lived in. I spent the nights when the humans thought I was sleeping searching through my impressive collection of medical texts, looking for a solution, a cure. I found nothing though, and always returned to the patients I could not cure empty-handed.

"There's a new patient for you in Room 13, Dr Cullen," Nurse Young told me exasperatedly. There was none of the flirty overtone to her voice that she usually used; she was as worn down from the effects of the flu as everyone else in the hospital. I did not miss the unwanted attention that the nurses always paid to me, but would have gladly dealt with it if it meant that this dreadful epidemic was over.

"Take a mask, it looks like the flu," she told me, pointing to the pile of masks on the nurses desk. My heart plummeted at her words. _Yet another patient I can't save. _Though I did not need a mask, I picked one up anyway in keeping with the human charade. It was times like this I wished I didn't have to hide what am I. That I could do everything to try and save my patients, including throwing caution to the wind and using my vampire abilities. But of course, that would achieve nothing but to attract the attention of my former companions in Italy.

I walked into Room 13. There were three people in there. Laid down on the bed was a man who was clearly suffering from the flu. Beside him was a woman and a boy, presumably his wife and son. They both shared the same strange bronze-colored hair and vivid green eyes.

"I'm Dr Cullen," I introduced myself to them.

"Elizabeth Masen," the woman told me, "this is my husband, Edward Senior, and my son, Edward Junior. What is wrong with my husband?" she asked. She tried to keep her voice strong, but I noticed the way it broke down just a little.

I knelt down beside Edward Masen Senior, confirming what I already knew. Even though I had known it was coming, it still sent a wave of grief through me. I turned back to his wife and son.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Masen, but I think your husband has the flu," I told them sadly. Despite how many times I'd had this conversation over the last month, it still pained me ever time I had to tell someone's loved ones they were dying. It was a part of my job I truly despised, even after all these centuries.

Elizabeth Masen surprised me with her reaction. She did not break down like so many other wives.

"And what do you intend to do to treat him?" she asked assertively. She looked at me expectantly.

_How do I tell her there is no cure?_

"Mrs. Masen, there is very little I can do except try and make your husband as comfortable as I possibly can."

"There must be something," she begged quietly, her earlier determination dissolving at my words. She began to sob. Her son hugged her, whilst trying to keep his own tears back. I looked at the pair of them, there was a simple love for each other there, and it made me envious.

"You should be wearing masks," I told them professionally, trying not to show how much their affection for each other had bothered me.

_It's something I can never experience._

The younger Edward stood up at my remark, but his mother refused to move.

"I'm not leaving his side," she said forcefully, regaining some of her earlier strength. She picked up one of the damp cloths that must have been left by a nurse, and began bathing her husband's face. Her son left the room and I followed him, wishing to give his parents some privacy.

Once he was out of the room, the younger Edward collapsed onto a chair and allowed the grief he had hidden from his mother to come out. I wanted to console him, but could think of no comforting words. Instead I got two masks for him and his mother, and passed them to him.

"Thank you," he mumbled. He wiped his eyes and put on a brave face, then walked back into his father's room.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It felt like I was encroaching on their grief. The elder Edward had just passed on, and I had wheeled his body to the morgue. I wanted to be able to comfort his wife and a son, but I knew there were no words I could say to help.

_I really do hate this part of my job._

As I spoke the empty words that I knew would bring no comfort, I looked at Elizabeth. Though her husband had never woken up all the time he was in the hospital, she had never given up fighting for his survival. She amazed me with her strength and dedication.

Elizabeth gave a hacking cough. Looking at the pair of them closely, I noticed there was a feverish sheen to both their skins.

_Not them too! How can I tell them they might have the same disease that just killed their husband and father?_

I had been regrettably right. Both remaining Masens also had the Flu. If my diagnosis were correct, neither would survive the night.

_They were a simple loving family. Why did God feel the need to take them?_

It was a question that had been nagging at my mind throughout the epidemic, but I had no answer. I couldn't question the mysterious ways in which He worked, even if it didn't seem fair.

Their room was the first place I visited when I arrived at the hospital, after another wasted day of pretending to sleep. A part of me knew that I shouldn't be growing this attached to patients; especially ones who I knew would die soon. Ever since Columbus, I had worked extra hard to maintain a strictly professional relationship with all my patients. But there was something about the Masens, the goodness and love that radiated from them, that drew me to them. Just like she had …

_No, Carlisle, you made a promise to yourself._

As I walked into their room, I looked sadly at Elizabeth. She was lying on the bed now. The fever had finally taken over her body so badly that she could no longer go to her son's bedside, though I had no doubts that if she could have, she would. I had continuously had to guide her back to her bed, so determined was she to nurse her son, just as she had been with her husband days earlier. It was touching to see the love she carried for her son, and yet heart breaking, as I knew they would both die soon. At one point, Edward had woken up from his own fever-ridden sleep as I guided his mother back to her bed. I had gone back to his side to check up on him and he had looked at me with those piercing green eyes.

"Tell her that I told her to stop. That I'll be fine, but I need her to survive too," he had told me. The look of determination on his face was just the same as his mother.

"Edward, I…"

"I know, the chances of us both surviving are slim. But it will stop her from hurting herself." Then the fever had won out and his eyes had fallen closed again. His concern for his mother touched me. I had looked at his young face, somewhat tarnished by the effects of the disease that was killing him, but still beautiful in a way. He still had so much to live for, but it would all be gone soon.

"Dr …Dr. Cullen?" Elizabeth croaked at me from her bed.

"Yes, Elizabeth?" I asked gently, using my cool hand to soothe her brow. She was too feverish now to register the extreme coldness of my hands, everything would feel cold to her.

"He wanted to join the army you know," she told me, looking towards her son's bed. I mentally recoiled from the idea; _he could get himself killed!_ Then I remembered that it did not matter now, he was going to die anyhow. "I fought hard against him when he suggested it. He's my only son, my only child. A mother would do anything to save her child," she sounded like she was trying to talk herself into something.

"Shhh, now, Elizabeth," I whispered to her. The effort of talking was clear in her hoarse voice, and it would surely only weaken her more. Her steely green eyes locked onto mine. I could see the determination in them. Whatever she had been talking herself into; she had decided to do it.

"Save him!" she commanded in a voice that anyone would listen to, despite the hoarseness.

"I'll do everything in my power," I promised her, even though I knew it was an empty promise. This terrible disease took everything out of my power. I grasped her hand gently, trying to be reassuring.

"You must," she began, clutching my hand so strongly that I began to wonder if perhaps she would be one of the lucky ones who survived after all. Or not so lucky, if both her husband and son were dead. "You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, this is what you must do for my Edward." I let go of her hand in shock.

_Does she know my secret? How? _I wanted to ask her what she meant, but she had succumbed to the disease that ravished her body once more. Her eyes were closed again, and all her strength from earlier seemed to have gone. Looking at her, I judged she'd be dead within the hour.

_Did she truly mean what I think she did? Did she want me to change her son?_

I looked over at Edward. In his fever-induced sleep, he looked so young, so pure and good. Exactly how I would have hoped my son would look. Despairingly, I realised he didn't have long left either.

_I could never take another's life._

But Edward didn't have a life ahead of him. I wouldn't be stealing anything away, but giving. I remembered my thoughts on how he deserved to survive. I could give him that chance, make myself the companion I'd always wanted, and fulfil a dying woman's last request.

_Can I actually do this?_

Behind me, I could hear Elizabeth's heartbeat slowing down and her breathing becoming shallower. Then, with one last thump, her heart gave in.

_She is dead._ I felt the sorrow sear through me, even though I had known it was coming.

I turned to look at her. Even in death, her face still had a determined look to it. It was like she was silently insisting I listen to what she had said. I gently covered her face with a sheet, but I could still remember how the green eyes that were now closed forever had pierced me earlier. Hard, like emeralds, they had demanded I listen to her.

I wheeled her body to the morgue, her final words still churning through my mind. _Could I do as she had commanded? Or I am skewing her words out of my own loneliness, to use them as an excuse to give in to my own selfish want for company? _I remembered her dedication to her family, and I knew she truly would have done anything to save them.

_Even this._

I didn't want to leave her body in the morgue, but I had no other choice.

"I'll do my best by him, Elizabeth, I promise," I whispered to her corpse. With those words, my decision was made.

Back in their room, Edward was too far overtaken by the disease to realize Elizabeth had died. His life was slowly slipping away like so many before him, but this time I could do something to save him.

I covered his face with a sheet and wheeled him to the morgue like I had his mother, there were to many dead for anyone to notice another body going to the morgue.

Once we were there, I was thankful to find there was no other living person around. Gently, I cradled Edward in my arms. Then, before I could change my mind, I rushed out the back door with him. Not wanting to be spotted by any humans, I jumped over the rooftops to my house. This also meant I could go at full speed, which relieved me as I could feel Edward's life slowly draining away. Now I'd made my decision, the last thing I wanted was for him to die before I got a chance to change him.

Finally arriving at my house, I laid Edward down carefully on the bed I never used, and only had on the off chance there was a human in my house who would spot anything odd. This would be the first time that had happened.

_What do I do now? _I began to panic. I had been so focused on deciding whether I should change him or not, I had failed to consider what would have to be done to do so. My hand moved subconsciously to my neck, where I still bore the scars I had gained over two centuries ago.

_I will just have to do as my creator did._

I took one last look at the boy on my bed, as I steeled myself for what I was about to do.

I placed my hand on his neck and he gasped at my cold touch on his feverish skin.

_Could I do this?_

I could hear Edward's heartbeat slowing down, I had to act soon before the fever claimed him like it had his mother, and his father, and so many other people. If I was going to do it, I had to stop hesitating, and act now.

I felt his skin rip like butter under my razor sharp teeth, but all conscious thought was lost for a second, as a pleasure like no other invaded my body. For just one second, I forgot who I was, what I believed in, and why I was doing this, as the instincts I had ignored for so long took over and rejoiced in their first taste of the forbidden liquid.

_No! You don't want to kill him, Carlisle!_

It took all the self-control I had earned in two hundred and fifty five years to pull myself away, and my throat screamed in protest. I spat the blood out all over the floor, not caring about the mess, just wanting rid of it before I swallowed. I had never drunk human blood in all that time and I did not intend to start now. Not with this boy.

_He deserves to live. That's why you've done all of this. _I reminded myself. I drew my attention back to Edward.

_Have I done it right? Will he survive?_

A scream ripped through the room as Edward's body began to jerk. I remembered the unbearable pain of my own transformation.

_What have I done?_ _What was I thinking? How could I do this to another being?_

I began to pray to God for forgiveness, while I moved over to sit next to the thrashing boy.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered.

"Dr. Cullen?" he managed to question through his screams. "What's happening to me? Help me!" he shouted.

"I'm sorry, Edward, so sorry," I replied frantically.

_What have I done to him? Surely he will never forgive me. Why would he? I don't deserve forgiveness. What right did I have to do this to him? To decide who lives and dies. I am not God; this should never have been my decision._

Elizabeth Masen's face flashed into my mind, as she made her last request.

_It is not her role either. The two of us have tried to play God, and now an innocent young man must suffer for it._

I could not bring myself to be angry with Elizabeth; she had been a mother desperate to help her son, her judgement clouded by love. I was the one who had made the final decision, and I had no excuse but my own weakness. I could claim I had done this for Elizabeth, but a part of me had rejoiced at the idea that I would finally have the companion I had longed for after centuries of loneliness.

_Why would he even want to stay with me after what I've done to him?_

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said again, miserably.

There was no going back now. I couldn't reverse my actions.

_What if he hates me for what I've done? Who could blame him? I'd hate me!_

Again I began to pray for forgiveness, as I watched Edward suffer on the bed before me.

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**OK, Carlisle always seems to have this way of making things becoming more self-doubting and self-angsty than I envisaged when I first started writing the chapter. But that's just Carlisle for you really.**

**I had a bit of a writer's block problem with this chapter; it was really difficult to portray human Edward and his parents just the way I wanted to.**

**Any thoughts on Edward's transformation? Did I portray the Masens how you would have expected? Too much self-doubt from Carlisle in the end? I would really love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. I love reviews and they seriously are greatly appreciated.**


	22. Edward

1918

_Carlisle_

For three prolonged days, Edward burned. As a centuries old being, three days should have meant nothing to me, but every second that Edward suffered was painful for me to watch.

_I did this to him! How could I?_

I had called in sick at the hospital, claiming I was showing symptoms of the flu myself, and had stayed by his side the entire time. I had watched on, praying for his survival and that he would one day be able to forgive me for what I'd done.

When he stopped screaming, I began to explain who and what I was, though I did not know if he could hear me.

I heard his heartbeat speed up, and I knew that the transformation was nearly done. My worry increased tenfold.

_Will he hate me? What have I done to him? Will he be able to forgive me?_

With one last frantic beat, his heart gave out. His eyes opened, revealing the vivid red eye color that all newborns had. I don't know why, but it took me by surprise. I hadn't seen a red-eyed vampire in so long that a part of me had expected his eyes to already be gold like mine.

With one swift movement, Edward stood up.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

_Please God, let him be OK._

"Dr … Dr Cullen? What happened? Where am I?" he asked frantically.

"Edward, I can explain everything."

In all my worry that he wouldn't survive, or that if he did he would hate me, I hadn't stopped to consider how to explain what was going on. _How do I tell him he's now a vampire?_

"I'm a what? How did you say that? Make the voices stop! Please, make the voices stop!" he shouted. He screwed up his eyes and placed his hands over his ears.

_Voices? What voices?_

"The voices! Make them stop!"

He looked like he was in pain. Automatically, I reached out to reassure him. The next thing I knew he growled and was flying towards me. Instinctively, I moved out of the way and growled back, finding myself in a defensive crouch.

"Edward! I don't want to hurt you!"

_How stupid of me to forget his a newborn. He could have got hurt!_

"I just attacked you and you're worried about my safety?"

_How did he know that?_

"You said it!"

_Said what?_

"Said what?"

"You don't have to say it twice!"

"I didn't," I replied. I was confused as to why he was reacting so bizarrely. I had been expecting hatred, or horror, or anger, and profuse apologies for my part, but not this confusion we both seemed to be encountering.

_What's going on? I've never seen a newborn react like this before!_

"You did this! You tell me what's going on!" Edward growled, looking at me menacingly. "What did you do to me?" The anger was more like what I had expected, but no less unsettling.

"Edward, calm down, and I'll explain," I said, trying to sound much calmer than I felt.

_Where to begin? How do I tell him he's a vampire?_

"Vampire? You keep saying that! What do you mean?"

_I didn't say it out loud did I? Can he, can he read my thoughts?_

"I can read your thoughts? What have you done to me?"

_Dear God, he's a mind reader! _

"Mind reader?"

I was lost for words, unsure what to say to the pained-looking boy in front of me. Eventually, I decided to start at the beginning.

"I'm a vampire, Edward, and so are you now. I changed you."

"A vampire? What does that mean?" he shouted hysterically.

"You'll live of blood … and live ... forever." I didn't know what else to say. _How can I explain everything to the confused young man I've damned to this life?_

"I'm … I'm immortal?" Silently I nodded. "Blood? I'll drink blood? I doubt that somehow," he scoffed. Without thinking about the repercussions, my mind travelled back to my own newborn days, and the burning thirst. My own throat burned at the memories. It was worse than I had felt it in a long time, probably a side effect of my first taste of human blood. Edward's red eyes blackened, and, too late, I remembered he would be thirsty, and that hearing my own memories was only making the situation worse.

Luckily, my house was on the outskirts of the city as I had always preferred. But it was still close enough for him to catch the scent of humans, I realised dismally. I had come so use to ignoring the scent I had never even considered its effect on a newborn.

"Scent? My God, that scent!" Again too late, I remembered that he could hear my thoughts.

Acting quickly, I moved to block the door, but Edward was only a second behind me with his newborn speed. As he went to overtake me, I reacted impulsively and shoved against him, causing him to turn on me. With a growl he launched himself at me, sending me flying onto the floor, where he pined me down with his newborn strength. I realised how stupid a situation I had got myself into, in this position I could do nothing to fight him.

_Please, Edward, I'm trying to help you._

"Help me?" he spat, but he let go of me, and I quickly stood up into a more dignified position.

"I live differently to the rest of my kind. I live off the blood of animals, so as not to kill humans."

"Kill humans?" he shouted disbelievingly. "I would never kill someone!" he sneered indignantly.

_How do I tell him he nearly just did?_

"That … that scent is a human?"

_I need to be more careful with what I think._

"I … I don't what to kill people." The angry look on his face disappeared,

_Well, that's a start. Perhaps I can get him to live my way of life._

"My throat. Can you make this pain go away?" he asked desperately. I looked out the window. It was the middle of the night, so we were unlikely to run into any humans, meaning this would be the best time to take him hunting.

"Hunting?" he asked curiously.

Purposefully this time, I showed him my memories of hunting animals in the forests beyond the outskirts of the cities.

_The problem will be getting him out of the city._

"What … what if I try to k … kill someone?" he asked. His angry demeanour from earlier was quickly disappearing. My heart went out to him, even while a part of me rejoiced at the idea of him finding the idea so distasteful.

"I'll do everything I can to stop you," I told him reassuringly. "We need to go while it is still night time." I headed toward the door and Edward followed.

We were racing through the forest now. Just as I'd predicted, it had been a struggle to get him out of the city. We found that if I constantly thought about his desire to not kill people, he could concentrate on that instead of the burning in his throat.

"It's so quiet out here," he told me happily. I looked at him curiously. "Aside from you, of course. All the other thoughts are gone."

"You can hear more than one thought at a time," I asked surprised. I remembered Aro, who could hear everything, but only one person at a time, and only when he touched them. It seemed Edward's gift was more powerful, but also more limited.

"Gift," he scoffed. Just then the scent of elk filled my senses. I looked over at Edward, to see if he needed me to tell him what to do, but his instincts were doing the job for me. He raced off in the direction of the scent. I followed; trying to stay a safe enough distance behind that he wouldn't feel I was a threat to his meal, while still being close enough to watch over him.

Once he had taken down the first few bulls, I allowed myself to drain one of the smaller does. Once he was finished, he looked at me in shock.

"What have you done to me?" he growled, the look on his face screaming his disgust.

_He hates me._

"I told you, Edward, I turned you into a vampire," I told him patiently.

_He hates me. He hates me._

"Why? Why would you do that to me?" Unbidden, memories of Elizabeth's last words entered my mind.

"My … my mother? She asked for this?" Too late, I remembered he would hear my thoughts, as I found myself remembering that fateful evening.

"She … she's dead?" Within a blink of the eye, the look of anger disappeared, to be replaced with the same look of grief he had worn in the hospital as a human.

"Edward?" I approached him carefully this time, not wanting to set off his instincts again. "I'm sorry." I placed my hand on his shoulder comfortingly, but he shrugged it off instantly.

"Just leave me be," he said softly. I still wanted to help, wanted to offer comfort in some way to the poor grieving boy, but I could not think of a way to do so.

"Oh, just leave me alone," he shouted, before running away at full speed. Instantly I followed him.

_What did I do?_

With horror, I realised we were heading back toward the city limit.

_Edward! Edward, can you still hear me? You're heading towards the city!_

I found him frozen a mile in front of me.

"I should have known better than to ruin away without a babysitter, right?"

"Edward, I'm-"

"Sorry, yes I know," he said testily. I decided to not say anymore. In a tense silence, we ran back home together, until I heard Edward groan in pain beside me.

"Edward?" I asked panicked.

"The voices are back. And so is the scent_."_

_We just need to get home, Edward! Listen to me. You don't want to be a killer. You don't want to be a killer._

Edward appeared to be in pain for the rest of the journey back to my house. Eventually, to my great relief, we arrived back without any major incidents. But even once we were inside, the look of pain that graced his features did not leave.

_What have I done to him in my selfish quest to no longer be alone?_ He turned around then to glare at me, reminding me once again that my thoughts were no longer my own.

"Why me?" he asked angrily. Again, Elizabeth Masen's face flashed through my mind.

"Don't you dare blame this on her!" he shouted. I only just ducked out of the way on time as he threw the nearest chair available at my head.

_He hates me, and who can blame him?_

"Well, there's something we agree on at least," he snarled, before storming up the stairs. He slammed the door to the bedroom so hard that if caused the house to shake, and the door itself to fall off.

_What do I do now?_

**I've always imagined Edward was a rather angry newborn at first, if only because he was so confused and upset. He has to deal with his mind reading on top of all your average newborn issues. Then there's also his grief over his parents for him to have to comprehend with as well. He may say some mean things to Carlisle, but that's because he's the only person around to lash out at.**

**As for Carlisle, he's somewhat out of his depth. After decades of being alone, he's now, not only got company, but is living with someone who can hear his every thought. It's going to take a little while for these two to get use to being around each other.**

**What do you think on my take of newborn Edward? Reviews are greatly appreciated and make me happy!**


	23. Returning Home

**So I decided I will be writing in different POVs occasionally. That decision, however, presented a new challenge; writing Edward's POV for the first time.**

* * *

1918

_Edward_

I stopped short outside the house. The blurry memories I had of the place were instantly overridden by seeing it through vampire eyes. I tried to remember it as I had seen it as a boy, but could only see it as I did now.

_Is he okay? Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here; it's too soon. He misses his parents terribly, even if he won't admit it._

I blocked out the sounds of my creator, as he began reciting bible verses in an effort to block his thoughts from me. While I valued the attempt to spare my feelings, I still knew exactly where his thoughts had been heading – my parents' deaths.

I knew Carlisle had spent the better part of the walk here debating whether it was the correct thing to do to bring me to my old home. I listened carefully to his thoughts; ready to argue in case he decided we should turn back. I needed this. I needed the reminder of the boy I had once been. This being, this creature, I had become, did not feel like Edward Masen. I needed to remember who I once been, before I turned my back on this life forever. I no longer even knew who I was. For the better part of the day, my mind was filled with thoughts that were not mine. Only at night did I get some reprise, as the tired human minds shut down for the night, but even then I could still hear their dreams, there was never true silence.

The only place human minds could not disturb me was in the dead of the forest as I hunted. But there was the ever-present mind of Carlisle, who never strayed to far from me on our hunts. I would have found it annoying, but I knew he only did it for my safety. The concern for me was clear in his every thought, humbling me in its abundance. Even when I lost my temper at him, his thoughts were always anxious for me, never his own safety. I threw a table at him, and he worried that he had done wrong by me.

I always regretted my actions after I had lost my temper with him. I was angry at what I had become. Enraged by the ever-present thirst and the overlapping voices. Carlisle was the source of my suffering; he was the one who had damned me to live like this. Yet I felt guilty after I shouted at him. It was difficult to remain angry with anyone who kept reprimanding himself for his actions over and over again. If he had felt no shame or remorse for what he had done, it would have been easy to despise him. But I knew the guilt he carried around with him, and despite what my temper tantrums might have suggested, I could not bring myself to hate him.

During the moments when my temper was more under wraps, I had talked to Carlisle about his past. He had been more than eager to show me. Able to see his thoughts, we had sat in silence for hours as he recalled all his earlier memories. He tried to hide it, but the loneliness that was omnipresent throughout his entire life was easy to spot. It made him even harder to hate. He had been shunned for centuries for doing what was morally right. Though I would not admit it to his face, the strength of his conviction to what he believed in amazed me, and I was thankful that I had someone like him to guide me through my new life. Someone I knew could be trusted, and who had not created me with the express purpose of using me for their own gain, like his former companions in Italy did with so many lives. Then I would realize I was feeling something akin to gratitude towards the man who had damned me, and I would grow annoyed at myself. Of course, my temper at myself usually turned itself towards Carlisle eventually. Then I would feel guilty for shouting at the quiet patient doctor whose only concern was for me. Which would then make me angry with myself all over again, after all, he didn't deserve my pity. Said anger would eventually transpire towards me losing my temper at Carlisle again, which would make me feel guilty again. It was a vicious cycle.

"Edward? Are you okay?" Carlisle's worried voice brought me back to the present.

"I'm fine," I replied curtly.

_I shouldn't push him like that. _Carlisle's self-flagellating thoughts instantly filled me with guilt. I hated it when he started blaming himself because I had been testy with him, yet I was also unable to control my temper around him. _Even if I can't hate him, surely I am allowed to still be annoyed at him? Remorseful or not, it doesn't change the fact that he did this to me._

The car parked outside the house caught my attention. It was Father's car, a Model T Ford. He had taught me how to drive it and I had loved the feel of speed, even though it would probably feel like nothing now compared to running. It had been one of the few things I had in common with my father. Much as I had loved him, I was always much closer to my mother. I smiled to myself as I remembered the first time Father took me out in the car to show me how to drive.

_He's smiling. I don't think I've actually seen him smile before. Perhaps bringing him here was the right thing after all. _Carlisle considered the change in my manner excitedly.

Unfortunately, my own feeling of happiness was squashed, as I remembered the last time I had driven in the car in front of me. My father's love of driving had meant that, even after he taught me how to drive, he had still insisted on driving everywhere himself. I had only ever gotten to drive it properly once; the terrible journey when we had taken Father to the hospital. Later that night, I had driven back home alone to fetch some things for Mother, as she refused to leave Father side. But I had walked back to the hospital, unable to face driving the car which had so many cherished memories of my father attached to it. My mood instantly darkened, and my mouth turned down into a scowl as I turned my back on the machine.

"Do you wish to go inside?" Carlisle asked cautiously, the return to my more normal demeanour had not gone unnoticed by him. I nodded silently, the onslaught of emotions I felt too strong for me to be sure I could find my voice. I wanted to go in, but to see the house cold and empty would confirm they were gone forever.

Carlisle pulled a key out of his pocket. It had taken a few letters and quite a few lies on Carlisle's part to get me access to the house that I now owned. Carlisle unlocked the door and swung it open. He then waited hesitantly on the doorstop for me.

_I can't go in before him; this is his house._

I almost rolled my eyes in exasperation; I wouldn't have cared.

_The last thing I need is for him to get mad again. _A memory of me smashing one of his bookshelves flashed through his mind. I was particularly embarrassed of that temper tantrum. I knew how much his books meant to Carlisle, which was why in my fury I had thought they were the perfect targets. I had heard the annoyance he felt at first, but it was quickly replaced by genuine concern for me.

_It would be less infuriating if he actually did lose his temper at me._

Not wanting Carlisle to fret in the doorway any longer, I cautiously walked into the house. An onslaught of hazy memories hit me. The time I grazed my knee as a child and my mother nursed it. The stream of girls my mother had invited round, each one as boring and predictable as the next. The times we'd sit in the dining room together to eat. Tiny insignificant moments that now seemed to mean so much.

_I'll never be able to eat again, or have a cut that needs healing, or find a wife. _Everything that had disappeared with the end of my human life flashed through my mind.

_Is he OK? _Carlisle's worry interrupted my own thoughts. It was infuriating, being unable to think straight without someone else's thoughts invading your own. At least Carlisle's thoughts were preferable to the petty human ones I had to share my mind with during the day.

"I'm fine! Stop worrying!" I snapped. _No, I'm not OK, and whose fault is that?_

_Sorry Edward, _Carlisle thought guiltily. As always, my temper drained away, to be replaced with my own remorse. _I just snapped at him for being worried about me, and he's the one feeling guilty? _

I walked from room to room in a daze, straining to remember the foggy human memories that now seemed so far away. The strongest memories hit when I saw my old piano. I had spent hours practising away at it, rejoicing in the music I could create. Whilst most people my age complained to get out of practise, quite regularly either my mother or father had to forcefully tell me that practise time was over for the night. I walked over to the treasured object. I reached out a hand to touch the keys, but then remembered my new strength and stopped.

"You played?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, my parents often had to drag me away or I would have played all night. And when I say drag, I mean it literally." I was surprised by the lighthearted tone to my voice, a by-product of the happy memory I suppose. I chuckled as an image of my forceful mother dragging a human version of me away from my piano by my arm while I protested profusely entered Carlisle's mind. _Sorry, _he thought at me.

"Actually, you weren't far off the truth," I told him.

_I bet that was a regular occurrence,_ he mused, supposedly to himself. Even after three months, Carlisle would still often momentarily forget I could read his mind.

"Actually it only happened the one time."

"_Edward Masen, your food is going cold, get in here right now." I wasn't listening very closely to my mother's shouts from the dining room. I was too busy perfecting the difficult part of the composition I was working on. I don't know how much time had passed, when I felt a heavy tug on my arm. The next thing I knew I was being dragged out of the room by my mother, while she mumbled angrily __under her breath._

"_Can't I just-"_

"_No!"_

I laughed out loud at the memory, it was exactly as Carlisle has imagined.

_My God, he's laughing! _If Carlisle had been happy when I merely smiled outside, he was ecstatic upon hearing me laugh.

There was an old newspaper discarded on top of the piano. The headline was about the latest American advancement over in Europe. A much unhappier memory flashed into my mind.

"_You will not be going to fight in Europe, Edward. You'll go and fight in that war over my dead body!"_

"_Once I'm eighteen you won't be able to stop me!" My mother gasped and ran out of the room, sobbing, leaving me stood in the middle of our living room, shifting my feet around uncomfortably._

_Five minutes later, my father entered the room. "You shouldn't speak to your mother like that, Edward," he reprimanded me. He collapsed onto the chair with a sigh. "You're right of course, once you're eighteen you can join the army if you wish, but I do hope that you'll consider your mother and me in that decision. You're growing up in to a good man, son. You're stubborn like your mother, no doubt." We both smiled then. I doubt you could find any two more stubborn beings than my mother and me, and my poor father was always caught in the middle of the two of us. "Don't tell her I said that," he added jokingly. "Stubborn you may be, but I trust you to make the right decision as a grown man should."_

"_Thank you, Father," I said gratefully, surprised by the compliment. "I'll go make amends with Mother now," I told him. He nodded his agreement. As I left the room, I heard him give a hacking cough._

"_Are you okay, Father?" I asked, concerned. My mind instantly turned to the Spanish Flu that was running wild throughout the city. "Are you feeling ill?"_

"_I'm fine, Edward. Please don't mention this to your mother though." Mother would go into a fit if she thought there was even there tiniest chance one of us had the Flu. I nodded my agreement to my father, and left the room to comfort my mother._

Unable to control my emotions anymore, I broke down and began to sob into my hands. Beside me, I heard Carlisle silently debating whether he should attempt to comfort me or not. His compassionate nature called at him to help me, but past experience had taught him that his attempts at comforting me would not be met well.

_I shouldn't have brought him,_ he thought guiltily. Again, I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes. _Just minutes ago, he was glad he brought me here, now he shouldn't have._

"No, I'm glad you did," I told him, unconsciously offering him a relief from the self-doubt that plagued him. "I needed this. They're dead and I need to accept that."

"It's normal to grieve, Edward," he told me softly.

"I miss them," I admitted. "But I have to accept they're gone for good, and this is my life now."

"I'm sorry it's not the life you would have wanted." _Of course, more guilt from Carlisle, _I thought sarcastically.

I pointed to the old newspaper. "I wanted to join the army. My mother was dead against it, of course. She fought tooth-and-nail to keep me here."

_"He wanted to join the army you know. I fought hard against him when he suggested it. He's my only son, my only child. A mother would do anything to save her child."_

My sickly mother appeared briefly in Carlisle's mind, before he started listing the properties of the liver.

"Once my mother decided something, she generally got what she wanted. I don't think I ever would have managed to set one foot on European soil, not while Mother was against it." Carlisle smiled at me, agreeing with my assessment of my mother. "And once she decided I was going to survive the Flu, I was always going to survive the Flu. I understand why you did this, Carlisle. I'm not happy about it, as I think you may have worked out by now. But I understand." It was the closest to forgiveness I could give him for now.

"Thank you, Edward," Carlisle said, the emotion was clear in his voice. His gratitude for my hastily spoken words was obvious in his thoughts.

Embarrassed, I looked back towards my piano. Carlisle noticed the longing in my eyes.

"We could have it sent to Ashland if you wished," he told me. "Anything you want from this house can be sent there if you wish." I shook my head; I didn't need to be dragging along painful mementos.

_He obviously enjoyed playing; perhaps I could purchase a new one in Ashland. Unless he wouldn't want a new one as well. _His thoughts quickly turned to reciting a passage from the Bible.

_I'll know every single passage in both Testaments at this rate. As well as the way every single organ in the body functions._

"A new piano would be nice, thank you," I told him gratefully. "Can I have a moment alone, please," I requested. "Feel free to look around," I added, before he could begin worrying about invading my privacy.

_This is what Mother wanted. I should do everything I can to make her and Father proud. _I remembered my father's words. "_Stubborn you may be, but I trust you to make the right decision as a grown man should." I will, Father. I will let go of all the hatred and anger and try and be the man you and mother raised me to be._

It would take a long time, I knew, to let go of all of the anger I carried around.

_"If you're every struggling to do something, Edward, break it down into steps. A difficult piano composition, or a tough decision in life. Everything becomes easier if you break it into small steps."_ Wise words once spoken by my mother floated through my mind.

_Step one. Stop throwing furniture at Carlisle's head._ It was just a small step, but I would stop lashing out the compassionate doctor who I knew in my heart did not deserve it.

I found Carlisle waiting for me in the hallway. His thoughts were concentrating on the car outside, though it seemed to be a deliberate effort, as if he was trying to keep something for me. I felt my temper boil at the thought that he would have the nerve to hide something from me in my own house, but then I remembered what I had just promised myself.

_No more losing it at Carlisle._

"Did you drive?" he asked me carefully.

"I can, but my father didn't allow me to very often. He liked to drive himself too much to allow me a turn." Again, I smiled at the memory.

"You know it wouldn't be a bad thing to allow yourself to keep one reminder of your parents," he told me softly. "And we're in need of a car." There was a second of silence. "We can always buy a new car, if you'd prefer," Carlisle added quickly, in case he'd upset me. He thought about the cross that hung in his hallway. During one of the moments where I had been calm enough, and bored enough, to allow him to show me his past, he had showed me the story behind how he had got his father's cross, and the promise he had made himself on that day. It was not unlike the promise I had made to myself minutes earlier. Unfortunately, I knew from his memories that, even centuries later, Carlisle still wanted to prove his father wrong about him. He never thought it directly, but it was clear from the tone of some of his thoughts.

_If Carlisle can't let go off his past, will I ever let go of mine?_

I walked into Father's study, where I had left the keys to the Ford. I hesitated for a moment, before carefully picking them up.

"Can we leave now?" I asked Carlisle.

"Of course, Edward."

I climbed into the car, but Carlisle hesitated on the sidewalk, debating whether I would want him to get in to.

"You're welcome to ride as well," I told him. For the first couple of months, I had been able to get some sort of sadistic enjoyment from watching, and listening in, as the doctor silently debated his every move around me. Now it was just exasperating.

"Do you know how to drive?" I asked Carlisle. He shook his head.

"I prefer to run."

"Perhaps I could teach you," I said with a smirk. The idea of me teaching anything to a man that had several centuries on me was amusing.

"I'd like that," he replied, genuinely thrilled at my offer. _The man does not understand sarcasm._

We both lapsed into silence, and I noted with annoyance that Carlisle's mind had become a jumbled mess of Bible verses, passages from medical journals, and various languages.

_He's trying really hard to keep something from me. _Irritated, I concentrated hard on Carlisle's inner voice. Among the chaotic mixture, one line of his true thoughts slipped out.

_He is their son, not mine._

I chose not to acknowledge that I had heard him. He was right. I would never want to replace my parents. But as I thought about Carlisle, the endless patience and the non-wavering concern, I had to concede that if I could have accepted a replacement for my father, I could not have found a better candidate. But he was not my father, nor would he ever be.

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**So I started writing this chapter from Carlisle's POV, but I had major writers block. So I decided to write it from Edward's POV to help, and perhaps to use as an outtake, but as I wrote, I realised that Carlisle's POV would not really add anything to the story, and Edward's POV was a much better narrator for this part of the story. So the POV debate was ended.**

**This chapter was supposed to be primarily about how Edward sees Carlisle, but as I wrote, Edward's grief kind of took over and we got the flashbacks of the Masens. This is only the very beginning of Edward's fight to accept what he is, as we know, he still hasn't fully accepted it decades later when we first met him in Twilight. But it is a turning point in the relationship between him and Carlisle. Of course, he still hasn't fully forgiven Carlisle for his actions, but it's a start.**

**So I'd really like to hear what you thought on my first ever attempt at Edward's POV. It's a really complex place to be, Edward Cullen's (or should it still be Masen's at this point?) head. I love hearing from you all and I really do appreciate every review I get :)**


	24. His Return

**Disclaimer: This chapter deals with the issue of violence against women. There's nothing too graphic, but if that subject is a trigger for you it may be advisable to avoid this chapter. **

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1919

_Esme_

The whole country was rejoicing; the war had ended and our men were coming home. There had been street parties and nightlong celebrations when the news broke back in the November of last year. Father and his friends threw a party at my old house, and I was forced to go and pretend to be happy. I was surrounded by so much joy, but inside I was petrified.

_It means he will be home soon._

For social pretences, I had to fake happiness, much like I had faked grief when Charles got his draft letter. All across the country, women grieved as their husbands were sent to war, but I let mine go happily. Most wives prayed to never get the letter that declared their husbands dead; I prayed I would. I knew it was wrong to pray for someone's death, even for a monster like Charles. But so many men were killed over in Europe. Surely it was better that Charles was one of them, rather than a man whose death would be grieved. But my prayers had gone unanswered, and Charles would arrive home tomorrow. Ever since I had heard the news, time seemed to have speeded up, dragging me forwards into a future I did not want to have to face. I knew once Charles was home everything would return to being just as it had been. The freedom I had experienced in the last year would be gone. Not just the chance to do as I wished, but also the ability to live without fear plaguing my every move.

That first night, just a month into our marriage, had only been the start. Often there were no warnings, no way of knowing when he would strike. I tried to do everything right, to give him no reason to hit me. But he would do so anyway – though I often couldn't figure out why. I knew alcohol made him worse, but even when he was sober he would sometimes hit me for no obvious reason. It was the fear that was the worst. Even when he wasn't hurting me, I was jumpy all the time, scared that something would trigger the next round of blows. It wasn't just the days, but the nights as well. Charles seemed to rejoice in finding new ways to humiliate me in our bedroom; new degrading acts to force me to do.

In the end I stopped fighting. By the time he got his draft letter, I had become an empty shell of a woman. I was not just a woman like my mother, I was worse. I drifted through my life silently and obediently, accepting whatever Charles did to me as just a normal day, no arguments.

Again and again I would have to go to the hospital with some ridiculously implausible lie, hoping the doctors and nurses would catch me out. That they would tell me they knew I was lying and could help me. But they never did. I believe they saw through the lies, but were simply willing to ignore them and release me back into the hands of my tormentor. Whenever I went to the hospital I looked for his angel-like face, even though I knew he was long gone. He would have helped me, I knew. He would never have allowed me to go home to a man who hit me.

In the months where Charles was gone, I began to become more like myself again. More like the lively young girl I had once been, rather than the scared shadow of a woman I had become during the first year of my marriage.

I spent the majority of my time at my parents' house, helping on the farm. Though I wanted to hate my parents for forcing me into marriage, they had no why of knowing what my marriage was like. I could of told them, but something held me back. Embarrassment perhaps, or the fear of their scorn – once again I would be their failure of a daughter who couldn't do anything right.

The real reason I spent so much time at my parents' home was Grace. I hadn't seen much of her since disappearing into my sorry marriage, despite the fact I had married to stay close to her. She was nearly fifteen now, and, while still socially awkward, was growing into a lovely young woman, in my opinion anyway. My parents' opinion was a different matter entirely. Spending time with her helped to bring me even further out of my shell. I even got into an argument with my parents over her, a bizarre thing to be proud of, but it showed that the headstrong girl was still in there somewhere. The girl I was proud of being, unlike the wife I was ashamed of becoming.

The end of the war changed all that. As soon as Charles arrived home, I knew I could no longer be anything like the girl I had once been. He would simply beat her out of me again.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I waited amongst all the other wives and their families on the platform. There was an electric feel to the air, caused by the combined joy and celebration of the women surrounding me. I did not join in; I could not even force myself to fake a smile. I had nothing to be happy about. Today was the day Charles came home. The day my life went back to the way it had been - painful and humiliating. Never again would I be able to feel safe in my own home. I would be trapped once more; scared to speak or act out of turn in case it earned me a slap, or worse. Back to being the very sort of woman I used to look down on with scorn.

I watched a woman who had two children excitedly telling them that daddy would be home soon. Her daughter had wild brown curls like Grace, and her son reminded me of my former pupil John. I had loved watching Grace grow up and helping her along the way. Had loved teaching my pupils in that tiny schoolroom, watching their faces light up with excitement as they got the answers right. One of the few things I had considered I might enjoy in a marriage was the fact that I would be able to have children of my own. But nowadays it was my worst nightmare.

_How could I bring a child into my life? I can't even protect myself from my husband, how could I protect a child?_

I had always tried my best when I was growing up to protect Grace from the effects of my parents' negative attitude towards her. However, Father may have been controlling and commanding, but at least he never hit Mother, at least to my knowledge. Perhaps he did and she was just as good at covering it up as I was. But I had at least been able to save my sister from the worst of his temper. I wasn't certain I would be able to do the same for my child if I were ever to have one. My mother had commented mournfully on the fact that my first year of marriage before Charles had left had not produced a grandchild for her, but I could not have been happier. I did not know why I had not gotten pregnant, after all Charles forced himself on my regularly, and I was not going to question it. The thought of bringing a child into my household was simply not a feasible idea.

The noise as the train pulled into the station pulled me from my thoughts. As men began to disembark from inside, their wives ran forward to greet them. I noticed all the happy couples sourly, while scanning the crowds of men for my own husband with a growing sense of dread. Any second now I would see him, and it would be confirmation that my happy period of freedom was over.

As the minutes went by, and I still didn't see him, I began to hope. _Maybe he died at the very end, and with everything else that happened, they didn't get round to contacting me. _It was a terrible thing to wish for I knew. But I couldn't help it. If he was dead, that meant I could have my freedom back permanently. And no matter what my parents said, I would never remarry. I was the exact opposite of all the women surrounding me; I was a happy widow.

"Esme?" the sound of his familiar voice dashed my dream. My stomach sank as I began to look around for him once more. "Esme?" I jumped when he spoke from beside me. I turned to look at him. It was no wonder I had not recognised him, he was barely recognisable as the man I had waved off over a year ago. War had changed him.

_Could he change for the worse? Is it possible for him to get any worse?_

"Hello, Charles," I said, faking happiness. Much to my surprise, he smiled at me.

"I missed you," he told me, it even sounded genuine. He pulled me too him and kissed me passionately, much like all the other couples around us. If I had been surprised before, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. I forced myself to kiss him back, having learnt the hard way he did not appreciate it when I did not respond to him.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It had been two weeks since Charles' return. Though I still had to endure our painful nightly act together, the violence outside the bedroom had stopped. I had expected to be covered in bruises mere days after his return, but my skin remained unblemished aside from the earlier scars that would not fade. I was relieved of course, but I couldn't help but fear that one day he would snap and it would all start again. For that reason, I continued to watch my every action and word around him, scared that the next one would be the one that caused him to fly off the wall. I made sure dinner was always ready when he returned home, that his clothes were always washed and pressed, and that the house was kept spotless. I only spoke to him when he spoke to me. As for the nights, I had learned long ago that it was better if I willingly endured it than if he decided he had to force himself on me.

I was in many ways what people would have considered the perfect wife, quiet and obedient. The sort of woman I would used to have looked down at with contempt. But nowadays I did not care about the loss of my voice. If it meant I was safe from his temper, I was more than willing to be his docile wife in the corner. It was the way I had lived beforehand anyway, except that back then he would still often hit me for no reason. If this less-violent future was the one I would face, then I would accept it, and I would accept it gladly. It was not what I would ever had wished for myself as a girl, but compared to how I had thought my life would be once Charles had returned home, it was undoubtedly the preferable option.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I thought I heard someone scream. My eyes flickered open, to be meet with a still dark bedroom. _What time is it? What woke me? _Beside me I heard Charles move out of our bed, and the single light bulb that lit the room dimly sprung on. Electricity had been a new thing to me when I first moved into Charles' house, my old house on my parents' farm not being connected to the system. My eyes scrunched up as they adjusted to the unexpected light.

_What is Charles doing? Was it him I heard screaming?_

He was stood in the doorway. I looked at him in surprise. I had seen Charles angry, drunk, and happy. But the look on his face was one I had never seen before. It was a look of fear. _What was he scared off?_

"Go back to sleep, Esme," he said, and then he turned the lights on and left the room. Confused, I allowed my eyes to close again and fell back asleep.

I was surprised when I woke up at dawn to find Charles was not beside me. _Did he not return to bed?_

I found him asleep in a chair in the kitchen; a near empty bottle of whiskey and a glass on the table in front him. I didn't know what to do. _What is the right thing to do in this sort of circumstance?_ He had been drinking, so I knew I would have to be extra careful around him. I went to the oven to make breakfast, deciding it would be best to wake him once I had his food prepared.

I moved the glass and bottle off the table, and placed the plate in front of him.

"Charles?" I called his name hesitantly; scared for what might happen once he was awake. His eyes flickered open and he groaned.

"What time is it?"

"It's morning. I made breakfast." Quickly, I moved away and sat down in my own seat, eating my food in silence.

"Don't you want to know why I was down here?" I shook my head, and then continued to eat in silence. I heard his chair scrapping across the floor as he stood up and his footsteps heading towards me, but I forced myself to focus on the plate in front of me.

The fork dropped from my hand and clattered loudly against the plate as he yanked my wrist up, pulling me off the chair. "You just don't care, do you?" he hissed at me in a tone I recognized. The look of fury he wore was well known as well. I knew what was going to happen next, and my stomach plummeted at the realisation. I began to shake, trying to hold back sobs. _What had I done? _It made no sense. I hadn't done anything different to what I had been doing since he arrived home, so why the sudden reversal back to how things had been?

"Of … of course, I do," I managed to squeak out, hoping against hope that the words would appease him.

"No you don't," he shouted. He sent me flying across the room and into the wall. I cowered as a sobbing heap on the floor, while he towered over me. "Get up!" he ordered. I began to move, but obviously not quick enough. "I said, get up!" he ordered angrily, sending a foot into my side. Then he walked away and sat back down at the table. I hurriedly stood up, but didn't know what to do now. _What was he going to do next?_

"You should come finish your breakfast, dear, it'll be going cold," he said. It had always unnerved me, how quickly he could go back to normal after hurting me. I sat back down at the table and finished my meal in silence.

I was washing up the breakfast utensils, when I heard Charles come back downstairs to head for work. He stopped outside the kitchen, and I began to panic as I heard his footsteps heading towards me. _What will he do to me next?_ I jumped when his arm snaked its way around my waist.

"Goodbye, darling," he whispered. He kissed me on the cheek and then he left. To anyone who had been watching that moment we would have looked like any loving married couple on a morning. They would not think that half an hour earlier he had thrown me into the wall. That had always been the most terrifying thing about Charles – how good he was at putting on a façade. So good that nobody would ever believe me if I told them what he did to me. Unsettling because I could never tell when it was going to slip and he would turn on me.

I was back to square one, back to living in a house where fear dogged my every footsteps, not that it had ever gone away fully since the minute I saw his face on the platform. But this morning had been a startling display that the abusive Charles from before was certainly still in there, and I would never be able to tell when he was going to reappear.

I let the plate in my hand fall back into the sink with a splash, unable to control the sobs that threatened to overtake my entire body. I collapsed onto the floor, the tears streaming unchecked from my eyes.

I was still trapped in this house, in this marriage, with no way out. Things were as bad as they had ever been before and weren't going to get better anytime in the conceivable future, and there was nothing I could do to stop any of it.

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**This was a difficult chapter to write, it's hard for me to imagine what it must have felt like for Esme to be trapped in a abusive marriage with no way out. It's not just the violence; it's the constant fear she must have lived in – never knowing when he would turn.**

**Any thoughts on this chapter? I love to hear from you all :)**


	25. Regained Strength

**Disclaimer: This chapter mentions violence towards women. There's nothing graphic, but if that subject is a trigger to you it may be advisable to skip this chapter.**

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1920

_Esme_

I sat on the sofa, waiting nervously for Charles to return home. I fiddled with the tassels on the throw, plaiting and then loosening them over and over again. My nerves, already so frayed nowadays, were on edge. My breathing was shallow and I felt sick to the stomach.

The same thought kept running through my mind. _Pregnant. I'm pregnant. _While I loved the idea of having a child of my own, the thought of bringing a child into this house wasn't something I could even imagine. _What would I do if Charles lost his temper with the child? Could I protect them? I can't even protect myself from him!_

But there was still no other choice but to stay, no matter how bad the situation got. I was stuck with him in this house and our child would be too.

In the year since his return from Europe, I had retreated even further into the shadow of myself. It still wasn't enough to save me from his wrath though. He seemed to drink more nowadays as well, and him drinking had always meant more torment for me. Silent as a mouse, I tiptoed around my husband, hoping to simply get through the day without a new bruise, cut, or burn to add to the growing collection that criss-crossed my body. But it seemed that no matter how compliant and submissive I was, there was no reprieve from Charles' temper

Two months ago, it finally got so unbearable I turned to my parents. Bad as the relationship between us was at times, I tricked myself into believing that they would still be willing to help me. I was, after all, still their daughter. It was a desperate hope, born from knowing this was the only possible reprieve I might get. But as I stood in my parents' living room, sobbing as I showed them my scarred arms, I knew there would be no support from them. They had looked at me like they always had, the look of disgust that told me they were ashamed of me. My father had told me I was shaming both them and my husband with my actions. My mother had pulled me aside to remind me yet again of a women's place and how a wife should act. I couldn't argue with her anymore. If Charles was allowed to get away with what he did to me, then perhaps this was just the norm. This was simply how life was supposed to be for women, and I was foolish for imagining there could ever be anything different. Living like this was inevitable. This was the way women were supposed to live their lives, and who was I to argue with the established rules of life?

As I had left my parents' house, I heard footsteps running after me. Grace had followed me out of the house.

"Esme, OK?" she had asked, concerned.

"Of course, Grace dear," I had lied. I could not tell my little sister of what my life had become. She looked at me gravely.

"No you're not," Grace had said determinedly, shaking her head at me. Then she ran back towards the house. I had shouted after her, but she did not reply or turn round. I could not follow her back towards the house. My parents had given me very clear orders to go back to my own house, and my husband, immediately.

I had not seen her, or my parents, since that disastrous last visit.

"Esme?" The sound of the door slamming and Charles' voice pulled me from my memories, bringing me crashing back into the present, and my current predicament.

_You have to tell him. He'll know soon enough._ I could not shake the feeling that I should not tell Charles about the pregnancy, as if not doing so could protect my child somehow. But I had no choice. I could not hide it from him. Much as I hated the thought, it was his child too, and we both had no option available to us but to live with him.

"Where's dinner?" he asked. He sounded calm, but I knew that he could turn any minute.

_How could I forget about dinner? That was foolish and I'm going to pay for it no doubt._

"I have something to tell you." He looked at me curiously.

"I'm … I'm …" The words stuck in my mouth. The instinctive desire to not tell him still present. _But what choice do I have?_

"You're? Spit it out, dear." The words were said jokingly, but I knew the intended threat behind them.

"I'm … pregnant." I waited nervously for his reaction, watching him carefully. _Would he be angry? _His face broke into a smile. _At least he seems happy._

"That's excellent news. Why on Earth would you be scared to tell me that?" _Because I was worried you would react badly, after all, you're nothing if not unpredictable. _Of course I didn't say that out loud, merely shrugging in response and giving what I hoped was an apologetic smile.

"When are you due?" he asked.

"May," I replied cautiously, hoping he would not understand the meaning behind that. I was two months pregnant, but had only just gone to the doctors, whilst most women would have gone about a month ago. My courses often weren't regular and I had kept holding back the visit, hoping I would wake up one day to find out I had come on. The doctor had scolded me for leaving it so late, but he had also seen my scars. I had waited for him to tell me I couldn't possibly go home with a child in my condition, but as always he did not. I didn't even look for that never forgotten face on this trip to the hospital. What was the point? He was gone and I was stuck in Hell. An angel would never find me here.

"We need to tell our parents. We'll go see my parents tomorrow, and we can go see yours over the weekend," he said. I had to stop myself from letting out a sigh of relief, as I realised his lack of knowledge about 'women's problems' meant I would not have to face a reprimand for my transgression. I nodded my agreement. I had never been able to see eye to eye with Mr and Mrs Evenson, not considering what there son did to me. But, of course, I kept my feelings towards them well hidden. My own mother would be ecstatic at the news. As for Father, I did not know what his reaction would be.

"Go make dinner then, dear," he ordered. I got up and started to head towards the kitchen. He intercepted me on the way there, planting a kiss on my lips, which I forced myself to respond to like I always did. Then without a word, I headed towards the kitchen.

I sat in a chair, watching the food cook and stroking my stomach. There was no bump yet but I knew my child was in there. The need to protect the innocent life growing inside me was overwhelming, but I didn't know what I could do. I didn't want him (I don't know why, but I was certain it would be a boy) to have to grow up surrounded by violence. _But what can I do?_ Leaving wasn't an option. I had no money and no job. I was economically dependent on Charles. _There's still no other option, just like there never has been. This is just the way life is. _Unable to hold back the tears any longer, but acutely aware of Charles' presence in the next room, I silently sobbed as I continued to stroke my stomach, and the baby growing in there.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

My mother was over the moon when we told her. I didn't understand it. I had told her what Charles did to me, how could she possibly celebrate the idea of me bringing up a child with him?

"Where's Grace?" I asked my parents.

"She's not here, Esme," my father told me; in that stern tone he always used when he was trying to tell me that he would have no arguments.

_Why would Grace not be here?_

"Where is she?" I asked, fury filling me voice. I felt the pressure of Charles' hand on my arm. I knew that was a warning; that I was acting out of turn. But my thoughts were only for my dear little sister.

"We sent her away for her own good, Esme," my father told me sternly.

"Sent her away?" I shouted at him. "Where? Where did you send her?" I hadn't lost control of my temper like this in years, in case it aggravated Charles.

"Esme, calm down," my mother scolded.

"Yes, calm down, dear." Charles' words were spoken softly, but I could hear the threat in them.

_I will pay for this when we get home. _Automatically, my arms wrapped around my stomach, as though the action could protect the child growing there from his father's rage.

"Where is she?" I asked again, trying my hardest to keep my voice calm.

"We sent her to the asylum to be treated."

_Asylum? Treated? How could he do this to her? His own daughter! Then again, I suppose he always wished that wasn't so._

"You … you what?" I asked in disbelief.

"She's been in need of it for years as far as I am concerned. But your molly-coddling ways prevented it. How ironic that it was you who helped finally show me how much she was in need of treatment." I looked at him confused. "She overheard your lies two months ago. Came in here screaming about Esme getting hurt…" His words cut off then, his eyes involuntarily flickering towards Charles. It was too late though, he had already said too much.

_Did he know what he was going to have involuntarily caused? Or did he really not believe me?_

"It's getting late, we should be going home," Charles announced, in that deadly cool voice which was I knew was always the calm before the storm. His hand clutched mine and gripped it tight, too tight.

"Well, goodbye, dear. Congratulations," my mother said, giving me a hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered in my ear, too low for either of the men to hear it. In that moment, I realised she knew I had been telling the truth and she knew what would happen next. But she was just a woman, as powerless over the entire situation as I was.

"Thanks, mama," I whispered back emotionally. Any anger I had ever felt for her slipped away, she was as trapped as I was. She hadn't been able to protect her own children, but neither would I. It was hypocritical of me to remain angry with her for doing exactly the same as I now did.

"Let's go then, dear," Charles ordered. He re-gripped my hand again in an iron grasp. As always, there was no escape. There never would be.

Neither of us said a word as we walked towards his car.

"Get in!" He pushed me in roughly. He drove in silence; the look of anger on his face enough to tell me that I would pay dearly for my insolence once we arrived home.

He turned on me the minute the front door to our house was closed. My arms encircled my stomach once more, as though that mere act alone could protect my child.

"Please," I begged. I knew it would fall on deaf ears, but I had to at least try to do something to help protect my son. "The baby, Charles, you could hurt the baby. Please." I knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say. The enraged look on his face only increased.

"You think I would hurt our child?" he hissed at me. But his indignant attitude to the idea didn't stop him from beating me. I took the retribution in silence as always, praying in my head over and over again for him to stop soon, and for the baby to be unharmed.

It was only once he was asleep in bed beside me that I allowed myself to think about what I had learned today. _Grace is in an asylum. _I didn't want to imagine my little sister in one of those horrendous places. The grief struck at me repeatedly. _I will never see her again. _Silently, I sobbed for my sister. Mourning her loss even though she was not even dead. In a way it would have been better if she were. At least then her suffering would finally be over. This way, I would never see her again, but I would always carry around the knowledge that she was in pain somewhere, alone and miserable, and there was nothing I could to do to help her. I had tried. I had wanted to protect her from a life that dealt her a hand of hardship, but ultimately I had failed.

My hands gently stroked my stomach. _I failed to protect my little sister from our father's cruelties. But I will not fail my child in the same way. My child will never have to fear a sadistic father._

A plan started to formulate in my mind. I would do what I could not do for Grace. I would keep this innocent child, my son, safe from the cruelties of life. To be able to protect him, I knew what I had to do. I would leave Charles and I would do it now, before his violent actions caused me to lose my precious child. Charles would leave tomorrow morning for work, and I would not be there when he got back. I would go to my cousin Helen in Milwaukee. I did not have a plan beyond that, but it didn't matter. I would out figure out the rest later, for now the important part was getting my son away from Charles' violent grasp.

As I finally fell asleep, I promised myself this would be last night I ever slept beside Charles Evenson.

* * *

**So Esme is finally leaving Charles. I always felt it took incredible strength of character for her to leave to protect her baby as she did, and I feel the loss of her sister to her father's cruelties would have been the perfect catalyst to make her realise she had to get out of there.**

**What do you think? Reviews are always greatly appreciated. I love to hear from you all :)**


	26. Father

1921

_Edward_

I allowed myself to become lost in the melody of the music I created. Carlisle had come good on his promise, and one of the first things he had done once we arrived in Ashland was buy me a new piano. The music allowed me to forget who and what I was for a while.

To feel alone was a Godsend. I had been reluctant to leave Chicago at first. To leave the city I grew up in would mean to turn my back on the life I had lived once and for all. But the promise of a house outside the town limits was a lure I could not resist. On nights like this, when Carlisle worked the night shift, I could be truly alone. The only thoughts I could hear were my own, and I no longer needed to worry about the risk of killing someone.

As far as I was concerned, it was a miracle I had made it this far without giving in to the temptation of human blood. I doubt I would have, were it not for Carlisle's calm guiding hand.

Our relationship had become a lot less turbulent once we had left Chicago, though we still had a handful of clashes now and then. They were usually some stupid thirst-induced argument over something insignificant. I was nothing if not stubborn. Once he had stopped second-guessing his every move around me, I learned Carlisle most certainly had a stubborn streak as well. I shouldn't have been surprised by that fact in retrospect. How else would he have been able to continue on the path he had chosen, even whilst everyone around him considered him nothing more than a freak, and tried to persuade him to change course?

I recognised the sound of Carlisle's soft footsteps as he ran home from his shift. Once he came within a few miles of the house, I began to hear his thoughts as well. He was thinking about a patient he had just left behind in the hospital, who had some sort of kidney malfunction, and was planning on looking in one of his many medical books to check if his diagnosis was correct. Of course, he could remember the page in the book perfectly from when he read it over a decade ago, but he still wished to double-check it, to have solid proof of his theory in is hand before he made his final diagnosis.

I was always amazed by the concern Carlisle had for those he treated, his dedication to saving human lives.

_Morning, Edward. _Carlisle thought his usual morning greeting towards me whilst heading towards his office.

"Morning, Carlisle," I called back, before going back to my piano piece.

_Will you go to school soon? _Shortly after our arrival in Ashland I had begun courses at the local college. Despite my joy at the gift of silence, I did eventually become bored of being alone once Carlisle had started his hospital shifts. One particularly trying day, when I had not hunted for two weeks, I had snapped at him about it when he arrived home. He had first taken me hunting; wise enough to know we were not going to have an intelligent conversation while my thirst tormented me, and then suggested I could enrol for courses in Ashland, if I wished to. The thought had intrigued me, but I had been against it at first. The idea of being in such close proximity to humans was terrifying. But, as Carlisle had calmly pointed out, I would have to be around humans at some point.

Carlisle had carefully made me spend more and more time in the town over the summer before classes started, until he was confident I would cope. It was his confidence in me that finally persuaded me to try. I knew that he would not have allowed me to do it if he had considered me a risk to the humans. I also did not want to disappoint him.

I was glad I had followed his advice. The courses were interesting, if somewhat repetitive at times for someone with a photographic memory.

"Yes, we're studying atomic structure in Chemistry," I replied to Carlisle's question.

His mind swapped instantly to thinking about all he knew on the subject.

"OK, I got it. Not all of us have several science degrees from various European universities, you know." I heard Carlisle laugh in the other room.

_I never studied chemistry at university. It wasn't even a real subject back in the 18__th__ century._

"Well for someone who never studied it, you're certainly knowledgeable about it."

_Well there's only a certain amount of medical textbooks in the world. It's nice to learn about new things occasionally. It's not like I had anything better to do with my time in 1913._

I winced as Carlisle's mind involuntarily drifted back to his period of intense loneliness. Oddily, I had notcied when I watched his memories that the 1910's, at least before I came along, were the worst period of his life for him as far as loneliness was concerned, starting from around 1911. But if there was a reason for that, he was hiding it from me.

_Anyway, I do enjoy learning about topics outside medicine occasionally you know._

I snorted. _Occasionally,_ I thought to myself sarcastically. Nothing made Carlisle happier than gaining new knowledge. He was fanatical about reading every new book that came out in the medical community, and beyond into the wider scientific community.

"Like a drunkard with beer," I muttered to myself.

_What was that, Edward? I didn't quite hear it. _We both knew that he had heard me perfectly.

It still amazed me at times that we had reached the point where we could laugh and joke so comfortably with each other. We had come a long way from the days where I destroyed the majority of his furniture by throwing it at his head. Now we got along like old friends.

_Or even like father and son. _I stopped that thought cold.

The story in Ashland was that I was Carlisle's dead wife's brother, a nephew of sorts. Though he attempted to block his thoughts whenever the topic involuntarily entered his mind, I knew Carlisle considered me to be more like the son he had never gotten the chance to have. However, he knew that I had lost my father, and the very last thing he wanted was for me to feel like he was trying to be a replacement.

He was right. I had no wish to replace my father. But there could be no denying the respect and gratitude I felt towards Carlisle. Of course, I was still angry at times, it would take much more than a few years for me to truly forgive him for what he had done. How could I not be angry with him during the moments where my throat burned and my mouth pooled with venom, calling for me to take an innocent life? But how could I not feel gratitude towards him when he helped me through those moments in that calm patient manner of his?

_It's entirely possible to have more than one father figure in your life._

In one swift movement, I was up out of my piano bench and heading toward Carlisle's office.

_Step six: give something back to Carlisle for all he has done for me._

I hesitated outside the door to Carlisle's office. He knew I was here, but was waiting to see if I would come in. I knocked on the door and heard Carlisle chuckle inside.

_You know there's no need to knock. Come in, Edward._

I entered the office and found Carlisle sat behind his desk. The book he had been pursuing lay haphazardly on top of one of the many stacks of paper that littered his desk. The sight of that mess of paper always amused me. On the bookshelves surrounding us, all the books were perfectly ordered by date and subject, yet the man couldn't keep his paperwork straight.

_What's so amusing? Don't tell me you're laughing at my hatred of paperwork again._

"Sorry, you're just so fussy and uptight about everything else. You managed to take down a bear last month without wrinkling your shirt, but you can't keep a few papers in order." I couldn't stop myself from smirking at him.

_I know perfectly well what each single piece of paper on this desk says and where it is, thank you very much. _Carlisle's thoughts were turning rather defensive. I smirked more. _Did you want something, Edward, or did you come in here merely to wind me up?_

"There was something I wanted to talk about," I said. The smirk dropped from my face as I remembered why I had come here.

_What's wrong?_

"I've been thinking …" I trailed off, wondering how best to put my thoughts into words. Carlisle watched me patiently, giving me time to put my thoughts in order. "When orphans get adopted … it's possible for them to … love their new parents… even while they still love the parents they lost as well."

_Well, yes, of course, but why …_ Carlisle suddenly realised what I was implying.

"Well, I should be heading into town now," I said quickly, growing uncomfortable. It was a lie; I still had plenty of time to make it to class. Even a human would have been able to walk from our house to Ashland in time.

_Of course, have a good day,_ Carlisle hesitated for a second before adding the last word to his thought, _son._ He couldn't hide the happiness he felt at being able to call me that.

I started to walk back out of the office, but paused at the doorway.

"See you soon, father," I replied quietly. Then I left the house quickly, running towards Ashland until I could no longer hear Carlisle's pleasantly surprised thoughts.

* * *

**I wanted to show the changes in Carlisle and Edward's relationship that took place over the course of the three years they were alone together. Also I know we haven't heard from Carlisle in a while, it's just much easier to show his and Edward's relationship through Edward's eyes.**

**You will be hearing from Carlisle soon when he finds a certain person in a morgue. Which, for all of you who can't wait for Carlisle and Esme to finally be back together, should be in three chapters. Obviously we have to go back to Esme and her baby first.**

**What did you think of the changing dynamics of Carlisle and Edward's relationship? Reviews are greatly appreciated. This story reached over 100 reviews yesterday, which is a first for me, so now feels like a good time to say a huge 'thank you' to all my reviewers, particularly those of you who review regularly. You all make me very happy :)**


	27. William

1921

_Esme_

I sat in the chair by the fire. The movement of the knitting needles soothed me, as I made a blanket from the blue wool. As I did so, I found myself reflecting on the last seven months.

Helen had been shocked to find my on doorstep; with two over-stuffed suitcases, in which I had packed all of my belongings that I could fit, at my feet. She was even more shocked to learn I was two months pregnant and running away from my husband.

"You should go home, Esme," she had told me. In response I had rolled up my dress sleeves, causing her to gasp.

"I'm not going home," I had told her. "I understand if you don't want me to stay, but if I leave I'm not going home." I had no plan regarding what I would have done if she had turned me away, but I had still known the words I had spoken were true. I had known that, no matter what happened, I would not go back to Columbus.

Fortunately, Helen had allowed me to stay. She and her husband, Thomas, had two children now, and I spent the majority of my day helping her look after them. There were adorable little beings, and they made me even more excited for when my own child would finally arrive.

I had watched Helen and Thomas together, and realised that I had been wrong. There was a different life available to women. What made the difference was love. Thomas loved Helen, but Charles had never loved me, and my father had never loved my mother.

For the first time in years, I was able to live without my life revolving around fear. It felt liberating to be able to do and say as I pleased without worrying about facing any sort of violent backlash. I helped Helen and Thomas with the children and the house as much as possible, but I did it because I wished to, not because I was scared of what would happen to me if I didn't. It was like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders. I looked back at the life I had led as Charles' wife and wondered how I had ever been able to live like that.

I stayed there for five months, until one day Helen had come running in to my room, sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Esme, I'm sorry," she had cried.

"What happened, Helen? What's wrong?"

"Uncle Henry and Charles are coming!" I froze with fear at her words.

"What? How … how'd they find out?"

"I told Aunt Ruth," she sobbed. "I'm sorry, she was just so upset with Grace's death-"

"Oh, they're claiming she's dead now," I scoffed angrily. Helen's eyes widened.

"Oh, Esme!" she bawled "I didn't want to tell you with all that has happened, but Grace died. Shock treatment gone wrong or something." I hadn't known how to feel about that news. I was glad she hadn't suffered in the asylum for long, but I also felt terrible at the thought I could be happy for her death. My sweet, innocent sister. I have given much thought to her death over the last two months, and mourned for her. But I didn't have time to grieve for her then, not with Charles coming for me.

"Uncle Henry read my letter and he was planning to surprise you, but Aunt Ruth sent a letter warning me."

"She went against Father?" I had asked, surprised. _She has finally stood up to him? For me?_ Helen had nodded in answer to me question. I had felt a sudden surge of thankfulness for my mother; I knew now what that might have cost her, how hard it was to stand up against a repressive husband. I hadn't known what else to say. "I need to pack," I had finally said, "now," I had added, remembering about the ever-looming threat of Charles.

"When will they be here?" I had asked Helen, as we flung my clothes wildly into my suitcase. I had tried to go as fast as possible, worried that at any minute Charles would walk through the door and my own personal nightmare would have begun all over again. Except this time my son would have been involved too. It's not easy to do anything quickly when you're seven months pregnant, but still I had tried. Every noise had made me jump, as I imagined it was the front door opening. When the front door finally did open for real, my heart sped up in terror, but it had only been Thomas. He had walked into the guest room to find Helen and me dashing, or waddling quickly in my case, around. My suitcases open with everything I possessed haphazardly thrown in. Helen had suggested I could leave the majority of it behind and she could send them on, but I had been afraid to leave anything that Charles might recognize as mine.

Helen had explained the situation to Thomas, while I forced the suitcases closed. Finally, everything had been packed before there was any sign of Charles or my father.

"I'm sorry for all this," I had told Helen and Thomas. I knew Helen would get in trouble with my father once he arrived.

"Don't apologize, Esme," Thomas had told me. "We were more than happy to help." He had picked up my hand and placed a substantial amount of money in it.

"I can't take that," I had told them sternly. Even though I had barely had any money to my name, I still couldn't take theirs after everything they'd already done for me.

"Go to the train station and get on the first train out of here. It's better if we don't go with you, then we don't know where you are."

"Thank you," I had whispered gratefully to the two of them. Helen had hugged me one last time before I left their house and headed to the train station.

The one thing that still surprised me whenever I thought about it was Thomas' willingness to help me. He hadn't sided with Charles and my father, telling me that I should return to my husband, as a wife should, no matter what he did to me.

I was pulled from my memories when my baby began kicking inside me.

"Shhhh, calm down in there," I whispered, while stroking my bump lovingly, "you'll be out soon enough, William, not long now." My voice infused with joy at the thought. Any day now, he would be born and I could start my life as a mother. I stared out the window and imagined what he it would be like when there was a boy playing out on the street. _If he hurt himself he would come running in for me to kiss it better. Would he make friends? What color hair would he have? Would it be the same as mine? _I couldn't help but hope that my son would look like me, not his father.

A sharp pain caught my attention and I felt liquid began to trickle down my leg.

_My waters just broke! I'm having my baby!_

I staggered out my front door. I was living in a small room attached to the school where I had managed to secure a position. I had lied and said I was a war widow, even though the figures didn't quite stack up. When asked my name, I had not wanted to say Esme Evenson, and so said the first name that sprang to my mind, Grace Platt.

"Mrs. Platt?" I heard the door to the house next to me open, and the voice of my neighbour, Mrs Williamson. "Are you having the baby, dear?" she asked me kindly. I nodded in reply and then gasped in pain as a contraction hit. "Quick, Gerald, we need to get her to the hospital," she shouted into the house at her husband.

I wasn't paying much attention as they drove me towards the hospital. I would have preferred to give birth at home, my hatred of hospitals long rekindled by my frequent embarrassing trips to the hospital back in Columbus. But there was no one at home to help me, so I had no choice but to go.

The last thing I saw before the drugs made me fall asleep was the doctor's face. My arms cradled protectively over the bump containing my child as the pain, and the world, slowly disappeared.

My eyesight was blurry as I woke up. I sat up, disorientated. _Where am I? _Instinctively, my arms reached out to my bump. But my hands did not land on something solid, and instead fluttered in the air, searching.

_My baby? Where's my baby? What happened to my son?_

I shot up quickly from my bed, causing my head to swim.

"Oh, Mrs. Platt, you're awake." I forced myself to concentrate on where the voice had come from, and my eyes focused to show me a young-looking nurse walking into the room.

"Where's my son?" I asked hysterically. Her brow furrowed.

"How'd you know it was a boy?" _A boy? It really was a boy? Had he been born then? Where is he?_

"I … I just knew," I mumbled. "Where is he?" I asked again, impatiently. _Where had they taken my baby?_

"He's in the other room, Mrs. Platt. Would you like me to go get him?" _Yes, of course. What sort of stupid question is that?_ "Yes, please," I said politely. She left the room, leaving me to stare wildly around the room while I waited fervently.

_Was she really bringing me my son? How had he got out? _It was disorientating. Before I slept I had been pregnant, and now I wasn't, but I had yet to see my son with my own eyes.

"Here you go, Mrs. Platt," I heard the nurse's words, but I wasn't really listening. All my attention was focused on the bundle in her arms. _My son. He's here. We can finally start our lives together._

Gently, she placed him in my eager arms. He was captivating. He had my caramel-colored hair and the most delicate looking face.

"Hello, William," I whispered to his sleeping form. "I'm your mummy and I love you very much. Me and you are going to have a great life together." As I said those words I knew they were true. I knew now more than ever that I had made the right choice seven months ago. This moment could have been very different. We could have been in the hospital in Columbus, and I could have had to pass my perfect little son into the arms of a monster. I shuddered internally at the thought.

Just then his eyes flickered open. They were the same hazel color as mine. His face screwed up slightly, and he gave a little moan, followed by a louder cry.

"Shhhh, shhhh," I whispered quietly, rocking him from side to side.

"I think he's hungry, would you like me to go get him some formula?"

"No, thank you," I said, shaking my head. I knew doctors were claiming that formula was better than breast milk nowadays, but I didn't believe them. _What did male doctors know about raising a baby? _I wanted the closeness of holding my son while he suckled my breast. The nurse left the room.

I lowered my dress to expose my left breast and gently placed William's mouth near my nipple. His lips grazed it, but he didn't latch on like he was supposed to.

"Don't you want some milk?" I asked him jokingly. A sharp pain shot through my nipple, before I felt him began to suckle. "That's it," I praised him, "though perhaps without trying to bite me next time. It's a good job you don't have any teeth yet," I added light-heartedly.

It was in this moment, with my warm son in my arms, that I realized that all I had envisioned for my future over the last months would be able to come true. I would watch my son grow up. I would hear his first word and see his first steps. Say goodbye to him on his first day of school and be there to greet him when he returned home. Help him with his homework. Watch him graduate. One day, he would have a job, and a wife, and children of his own – grandchildren that I would cherish. My entire life had come together.

_How could I possibly have ever been upset to learn I was pregnant? _The contrast between me now, and me seven months ago was unbelievable. I no longer feared the future, but rejoiced at the thought of it.

When he'd finished feeding, he pulled his head away. I placed my finger in his hand, and his unbelievably tiny fingers clasped around it. Suddenly the past and the future didn't matter any more. There was just William and I in this picture perfect moment.

I don't know how long I had sat like that, just my son and me, as I watched him fall back asleep in my arms, when a doctor came into the room to see me.

"Can I have a look at your baby, please?" Uncertain, I passed William over to him gently. My arms felt empty as soon as he was gone, and I wanted to snatch him back. I watched the doctor carefully, and started to panic when he frowned. _Why is he frowning? Is there something wrong with William? No, there can't be – he's perfect._

"We need to go take a closer look at your son, Mrs. Platt," he told me. _What? What's wrong? What's happening?_

"Why?" I asked, panicked.

"It's probably nothing to worry about, Mrs. Platt," he told me soothingly. With that he walked out, taking William with him.

_He'll be fine. He'll be fine, _I chanted to myself over and over again. _Everything will be fine, and you'll get to take him home and start your new life as a mother. _With nothing else to do, I calmed my mind by remembering the moment I had just shared with my son. _See, he was fine. The doctor will bring him back any minute now._

After a while though, I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to see my son, needed to see he was OK with my own eyes. I clambered out of the bed and the world swirled around me. I stood still for a moment to allow my head to clear, before moving purposefully towards the door. It wasn't until I made it into the hallway that I realized I had no idea where to go.

"Ma'am, what are you doing?" I heard a voice called. I turned to look at its owner. It was a nurse, but not the same one who had visited me earlier.

"Do you know where they've taken my baby?" I asked.

"You need to go back to your room, ma'am. If the doctors have your baby they'll be doing everything they can to help."

"No, no, I need to see him," I said hysterically.

"You need to calm down, ma'am." She began to gently guide me back towards my room, and I recognized the fact that I was fighting a losing battle. "Would you like us to get your husband to come sit with you?" she asked gently. I snorted at the ridiculousness of that idea, before realizing what I'd done. She looked at me curiously.

"My husband died in the war," I lied. She continued to look confused, no doubt wondering why I had reacted to her question like she was stupid, rather than the grief you would expect from a war widow.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Do you have family who could come see you at all?" _None that I can tell where I am out of fear they'll hand me back to my abusive husband, _I thought despairingly. I simply shook my head in response.

I don't know how long it had actually been when the doctor finally returned, but it felt like forever. The first thing I noticed was that he didn't have my son with me.

"Where's William?" I asked, worried. _What is going on? What's happened to my son?_

"Mrs. Platt, I'm sorry. We did everything we could." _Wait, what? What is he talking about? Where's my son?_

"Where's my son?" I sobbed the question, already fearing the worst.

"Your son had a lung infection, Mrs, Platt. We tried to save him, but-"

"He's … he's dead?" I cut him off incredulously. _No! No, he can't be! He can't be dead! Tell me I'm wrong. Say no, please. I've already lost everything else I cared about, so you have to say no. Say my son's alive and you're going to bring him back to me now._

"Yes. I'm sorry, Mrs. Platt," he said gently.

"No!" I shouted. "No, he's not! He can't be!"

"Mrs. Platt, calm down."

"No! You're lying! Where's my son? You took him! Now bring him back! Now!"

"Mrs. Platt-"

"Bring me my son back now!"

I heard him shout for a nurse. The same one who had restrained me earlier came in, carrying a needle.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Platt, but you need to calm down," the doctor told me forcefully.

I felt a sharp pain in my arm, and then the world shifted out of focus. The last thing I saw was my son's innocent young face staring up at me, before the blackness invaded.

* * *

**When researching childbirth in the 1920's in preparation for writing the birth scene, I discovered that in hospital in the 1920's they often knocked women out during labor and kept the mother and child far apart for the majority of the time afterwards to help keep things sterile. Not entirely certain how they got the baby out when the women had been put to sleep, but it got me out of having to write a birth scene so I went with it.**

**What did you think of this chapter and the scene with Esme and her son? I honestly do love reviews :)**


	28. The Cliff

1921

_Esme_

I left the hospital numbly, not knowing where to go. I couldn't go home, couldn't go back to the place where I had allowed myself to dream for the first time in years. Not now, when all those dreams were shattered.

I walked through the town, not paying any attention to where I was going. I dully noticed a few people staring at me, the poor war widow who had just lost her baby as well. _If only they knew the real story, then they really would pity me._

But I couldn't dwell on that, all I could think of was William. In my mind, his hazel eyes were staring at me. A million questions reflected in them.

'Why did you let them take me away to die, Mama?'

'Why didn't you help me, Mama?'

I tried to think of something else, anything else, but came up blank. I couldn't think about the future, not when it was now a bleak, uninviting prospect. Thinking about the past was a pointless, painful exercise. It only reminded me about Grace. I had only loved two people in my life, and God had felt the need to cruelly take them both from me. But the parts of my past without Grace in them were just unneeded reminders of a life I didn't want to remember. It couldn't be changed, so why reflect on years of misery? So that just left me with the present to think about. But the present … hurt. In the present, my arms were devastatingly empty. They could still remember how it felt to hold my son lovingly, and were aching to hold my warm, precious bundle again. My heart yearned for my son back. What I would have given to go back to just two days ago, when life had looked so optimistic.

Absent-mindedly, I noticed I had walked past the town's limits. The rational side of me knew I should turn back, and go home. But I just couldn't. It wasn't home anymore, not now I knew I would never share it with my son. It was just a cold empty room.

On there own accord, my feet carried me down a small dirt path into the forest. I didn't know where I was going, or why. I wasn't paying attention to insignificant things like direction or scenery. I was inside my own head, living the life I had dreamed of for the past seven months.

I was back at home, sat in the rocking chair in the corner. I gently rocked myself backwards and forth to help William fall asleep as he lay in my arms. I was filled with a feeling of contentment. This was how my life was always supposed to be.

I placed a slightly older William down on the floor, and took a few steps away from him before crouching down opposite him.

"Come to Mommy, William, come on, you can do it," I called encouragingly. I watched on, nervous, as he stood up tentatively, and then shakily took his first steps.

"That's it," I called happily. Finally, he reached me and collapsed into my arms as I hugged him close. "You're a very clever boy, aren't you?" My joy at his simple achievement was over-whelming.

A three-year old William sat opposite me at the table, his face covered in food.

"Play now, Mommy?" he asked. "Eaten all my food," he added proudly.

"Let me clean you up first, dear," I told him fondly. I reached for a damp cloth and washed his face and hands while he squirmed. When I was finished, he hopped of his chair happily.

"Did you have a good day?" I asked, as I picked my son up from his classroom after his first day at school. He nodded and excitedly started telling me about everything he had done. I listened to him, noting how quickly my little boy was growing up.

I watched the children, William included, out of the window of my classroom as they played in the schoolyard. He laughed at some childish antic and his entire face lit up in the smile I had always loved. Then the moment passed and the game continued, as I smiled fondly at them all.

I don't know how I had ended up sobbing on the forest floor, but I had. How long had I lay there, immersed in a life that could now never come true? I didn't know. Time had ceased to matter. Earlier, I had been counting down the months, and then the days, until he was due. How I wished for those months back now. Just to have him inside me again, and know he was alive and safe. But now … now he was ... gone.

_Gone, all gone. He's dead and I can't change that. Nothing will bring him back, no matter how much I may wish for it._

The sound of water distracted me. Getting up, I realised I had walked to one of the nearby lakes. I walked to edge of the cliff and looked down at the swirling, uncaring waters below me.

Suddenly, I knew why I was here. Why my legs had unknowingly taken me here. It was a sign. Not a sign of God, because God would not agree with my new plan. _But why should I care, what has God ever done for me anyway? I have been a good person haven't I? Why then, does God seem to enjoy torturing me? _

No, it most definitely wasn't a sign from God. But it was a sign none the less.

I looked down again at the waters below me. They would soon wash away all the pain and the hurt that was my life.

_When the past, the present, and the future all cause you heartache to think about, isn't it better to simply no longer have to think?_

I had made up my mind. I had no reason to stay anymore. Everything, everyone, I had ever cared about was gone. The one reason I had found to keep living had been cruelly snatched away.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. For a few seconds, I didn't move. My mind was decided, but my body was still less than co-operative. A part of me still wanted to live, scared of the pain I would surely encounter at the bottom of the cliff. In my mind's eye, I saw my son's face as he slept, except now he was asleep forever. That thought was enough to end whatever instinct to live I still clung to.

I couldn't jump; I didn't have the energy left for it. Instead, I simply walked until my feet hit nothingness.

I was falling. I could feel the wind whipping around me. My life didn't flash before my eyes, for why would I have wanted it to? I just saw my son. The one moment I had shared with him. The last thing I saw before I hit the bottom was William's face.

_Mommy will be with you again soon._

* * *

**Did you think I showed Esme's depression and how she came to decide to end her life well? Reviews are always appreciated.**


	29. It's Her

1921

_Carlisle_

"A new body has just come in." I hated having to work in the morgue, there is nothing I can do to help those who are already dead, but it was a necessary evil. Our constant moving meant I was often the new guy who got stuck with the jobs no one else wished to do. Thankfully, it was nearing the end of my shift.

"Some fishermen found her at the bottom of the cliff out by the lakes. Suspected suicide. One of the nurses recognized her; apparently she was here earlier this week. Name of Grace Platt." I had only mildly been listening, but the name instantly caught my attention. My mind took me back a decade, to a memory I had tried my hardest not think to about.

"Grace Marie Platt," Esme said with a smile, the love for her sister obvious in the way she said those three words. The warmth and kindness she radiated was like the sun, breaking through my gloomy misery.

_Could it be Esme's sister? Or is this just a weird coincidence? Why would Esme's sister have thrown herself of a cliff in Ashland? Because of her 'differences', as Esme had put it? I hope it's not her. That would crush Esme, no doubt._

I said goodbye to the doctor I had been talking to, and walked toward the morgue. As I walked inside the uninviting room, I heard a slight heartbeat, even though there was no one else around. Following the sound, I realised it was coming from within one of the body drawers, which was labelled 'Grace Platt: Suicide.'

_She's still alive! Perhaps I can save her. I wonder if Esme would come visit her? I could see her again…_

I instantly reprimanded myself for the thought; it would be of no good to either of us for us to meet again. She would no doubt recognize I had not aged in over a decade, and it would hurt too much to have to leave her again.

_The least I can do is help her sister though._

I remembered the young girl I had seen with her mother and sister. She would be about sixteen now I guessed.

I opened the drawer and gasped. I recognized the woman inside it immediately.

"Esme," I muttered her name quietly in complete surprise. It was definitely Esme, not her sister. I just knew it. The distinct caramel curls confirmed me right.

_Esme? What has happened to you since I left that would lead to you committing suicide?_ I continued to look at her in shock, while her heartbeat became ever weaker.

_Her heartbeat's too feeble, there's no way she can survive._ Despair shot through me, I could do nothing to save her. She was going to die.

_No! No, she can't die!_

Impulsively, I scooped her fragile body up, as I did so I noticed for the first time the faint scars on her chest and arms.

_Oh Esme, what happened to you?_

I hesitated for a second, unsure of what to do next. I had to get her home before her heart stopped, but I could hardly carry what was supposedly a corpse through the hospital. I listened intently as her heartbeat thumped ever slower, counting down the last few minutes of her life.

_Will I be able to get her home in time? What can I do? I have to save her!_

Footsteps close by caught my attention, they were heading this way. Quickly, I placed Esme back on the cold metal drawer.

"Ah, Dr Cullen," my colleague said as he walked into the room. "Terribly tragic," he said with a nod towards Esme. My concentration was still on her heartbeat. Every thump was another inch of her life draining away. I needed to get him out of here as soon as possible.

"Yes, she has no family to speak of, so I was going to have her body sent to the local medical school," I lied, formulating a reason for why Esme's body was about to disappear from the morgue.

"No family, how sad," he muttered distractedly, looking at one of the drawers.

"Can I help you?" I asked, hoping to hurry him out of the morgue. I was acutely aware that the thump of Esme's heartbeat was getting ever slower. I was wasting valuable minutes. Minutes that could make the difference between her survival and her death.

"No, no. Just needed to check a patient's cause of death. I think you're right about what to do with her corpse. Send her to the med school to be chopped up. She's only a suicide, after all." A shot of anger filled me at his nonchalant attitude, and I forced myself not to cringe at the image of Esme's body being cut up. It was just a lie, I reminded myself.

Thankfully, he left then, leaving me alone with Esme. Her heartbeat was almost definitely too weak to make it all the way home, even if I ran a full speed.

_I can't leave her here to die._

Without thinking, I acted on impulse. My teeth grazed across her neck, and then, for only the second time in my existence, the exquisite taste of human blood filled all my senses. It was delicious, even more so than I remembered from Edward's transformation. The desire to keep drinking filled me. Why would I turn my nose up at such a delectable meal?

_Esme. It's Esme._ I reminded myself. _She has to survive. _I forced my mouth away from her neck, and rushed to the sink, which was supposed to be used for doctors to wash their hands. I spat the blood out before I could swallow any of it. I briefly turned the tap on to rinse the sink out, but I didn't pay much attention to whether it had worked or not, as I instantly went back to Esme's side.

Her heartbeat was still thumping weakly, but I had no time to figure out if the venom was working or not. I had to get her out of here.

I listened intently for any sound nearby that would announce the presence of humans in the vicinity, before scooping her up in my arms. Certain there was no humans around to see me, I moved at full speed out of the morgue and then out the side door that was only supposed to be used in emergencies.

As I ran home with her in my arms, my concentration shifted back to her heartbeat. Mercifully, it was still going. It began to speed up gradually. When I was about a minute away from the house, Esme gave a slight whimper, the first sound I had heard from her. Her limbs began to thrall around as her murmurs of pain became louder, and I tightened my arms around her wrathing body.

_She's going to make it._

As I came close to the house, Edward came rushing out. "Carlisle? What's going on? Your thoughts are all…" He trailed off as he noticed the thrashing human in my arms. "What did you do?" he asked incredulously.

_She was dying, Edward. I couldn't just leave her. _He glared at me in disgust.

"I have to go to school now," he announced coldly, then headed back into our house. I followed him, with Esme whimpering in my arms.

Reaching my bedroom, I laid her down carefully on the bed. Her cries were becoming louder. I pulled a chair up and sat down by the bedside. I heard the door shut as Edward left.

Gently, I picked up one of her hands. "It'll be over soon, Esme, I promise," I murmured comfortingly.

"Help! Help! Please, just let me die!" Esme muttered between her screams. It was only then I realized what I had done.

_What was I thinking? What have I done? She committed suicide. She wanted to die. She'll hate me, without a doubt. She chose to take her own life and now I've taken that choice away from her. Oh Esme, what could possibly have happened to you to make you think you had nothing left to live for? The girl I met in the hospital was a fighter. What could possibly have happened to that brave, courageous girl to take away all the fight within her, and make her think she had no other way out?_

Esme continued to plea frantically for her death. I sat beside her; my head bent as I whispered apologies to her and prayed that she could someday forgive me.

I heard the door open as Edward returned from school, I hadn't moved from my seat at Esme's side. My hand was still clutching hers. He walked into my bedroom. Instantly, his eyes were drawn to Esme's thrashing form, and a look of pity graced his features. But when he turned to face me, every line in his face portrayed anger, as he glared at me.

"Isn't your hospital shift soon?" he asked frostily.

"Would you be able to go the hospital, please, and tell them I've fallen ill and will be unable to come in for a while?" This earned me an even fiercer glare.

_I can't leave her here, Edward._

With a harassed sigh, my son headed back towards the door. But he paused in the doorway.

"The entire town is talking about the poor war widow who lost her baby and jumped of a cliff. Did you know that?" he spat at me angrily.

_She lost her baby? Is that why she jumped?_ The questions weren't aimed at Edward, but they earned me another glower.

"You didn't know, did you? You changed her, but you don't know anything about her. She wanted to die! She still does. So why? Why would you change her? What possible reason could you have for doing this? You know nothing about her!" he ranted at me. "Her name's Grace Platt by the way, since you probably didn't even know that," he added bitterly.

"No," I said. "Her name's Esme. Grace is her sister." Edward looked at me questioningly. I showed him my memories of meeting Esme in the hospital a decade ago.

"You've never shown me this before," he stated accusingly. It was true, I had purposefully never shown him my memories of Esme before. I was not proud of how I had acted afterwards, but mainly I had promised myself I would not dwell on her.

"Clearly, that turned out well," Edward remarked sarcastically. "I suppose I should go tell the hospital you won't be going." Without waiting for a reply, Edward left.

This left me with time to reflect on what he had just told me. _She had lost her husband and her baby. That is why she jumped. How can I have done this too her? She just wanted to be reunited with her loved ones and I've now made that impossible. What was I thinking?_

Edward returned after an hour, two large boxes in his arms. I looked at him questioningly.

"Her neighbors were clearing her things out to give to charity. I offered to take them. I'm quite the sweet little young man, apparently."

_Thank you, Edward. I know you don't approve of what I've done, but I'm proud of you for rising above that to help._

"You're right, I don't approve. But that's not going to stop me from helping _her_." I didn't miss the way he emphaised the last word, to make it obvious he had not acted for my benefit. As he moved, some of her scent from the boxes drifted my way. My throat burned, more so than I would have expected from something as insignificant as a lingering human scent on some clothes. It usually didn't burn this badly even when I was up to my arms in blood during a surgery. But then again, I hadn't hunted since I had tasted Esme's divine blood.

"Go hunt, Carlisle, I'll watch her," Edward offered.

"No. I'll be fine. We can all go hunt together once she has woken up. Do you think you can go place those in the spare bedroom please?" I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her here to suffer. Edward huffed to show he was annoyed at me, and then he stormed out of my room. A few minutes later, I heard the start of an angry-sounding piano piece. My son seemed to be playing the keys with a little more force than necessary.

I thought about what he had said. His anger was all directed at me. _"That's not going to stop me from helping her." Does he see Esme as just another victim of my selfishness like him? _The music from next door became louder; suggesting the answer to my question was a definite yes. _He has every right to be angry. I've stopped her from joining her husband and son, just like I stopped him from joining his parents. I am lucky he ever forgive me, truly I don't think he has, despite all the improvements in our relationship in the last year. At least he has stayed. Will she hate me enough to leave? _The thought filled me with despair. I had only just found her again._ Could I face it if she chose to leave? But I can't force her to stay. It would be her choice, of course. _But I couldn't help but hope that, despite what I had done to her, she would still wish to stay with Edward and me.

Three days after I had first found her in the morgue, Esme's heartbeat began to increase rapidly.

_Edward, her transformation is nearly complete. _My son arrived at my side. We both listened as her heartbeat became impossibly fast and then, with one final thump, stopped.

I waited anxiously for her to wake. _Will she hate me? Will she wish I had left her to die like she had intended to?_

Her eyelids fluttered open, revealing vivid red eyes. She sat up in one fluid movement and her eyes locked on mine. Her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Dr… Dr Cullen?" she murmured. _She remembers me?_

**~ End Part One ~**

* * *

**So Carlisle and Esme are finally together again :)**

**The next section of this story is going to be very different to the first part. I've decided to split the story into different parts, which is why it says 'End Part One'. I'm going to go back to the first chapter and add 'Part One: Loneliness and Loss' to the start of it. In Part One, I've been speeding through the years (I covered 258 years in 29 chapters) with a maximum of about three chapters for any year of importance (1663, 1911, 1918 etc.) However, I really want to do a more in-depth look at Carlisle and Esme's beginnings, so the next section is only going to cover 1921-22, at twenty chapters according to my rough plan. Obviously, this means the next section is going to have a completely different feel to it. Any thoughts?**

**What did you think about Esme's transformation? I greatly appreciate every review I get :)**


	30. Vampire?

**~ Part Two: Together At Last ~**

1921

_Esme_

I looked unbelievingly at the face I hadn't seen for a decade. _What is an angel doing in Hell?_ For surely that was where I was now – the fires had proved it. I had committed a sin, taken my own life, and now my punishment was that I would never be reunited with William.

"Esme?" The angel's voice was tentative, worried. _If this is Hell, then why is he here?_

I looked around me. The world was brighter, the colors more refined. Sounds were louder. I could hear the rustle of leaves outside, as well as the gentle breathing of the two beings in the room with me.

_Wait, two?_ I turned quickly, too quickly, toward the person who wasn't Dr. Cullen. He was a young boy, not out of his teens. _Who is he? _I realised there was only one person who I could possibly wish to see, and maybe I had made it to Heaven in the end. _Were the fires my time in purgatory then? _I had been expecting a baby, not a teen, but what did I care what age he was as long as he was here with me?

"William?" I asked him, overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of him. Before he could answer I had flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around him as I sobbed.

"I'm not your son, Esme," he said gently. I let go and took a step back so I could look at him again. I saw what I had overlooked at first in my excitement at seeing my son again. He had messy bronze hair, and the same pale skin as the doctor, as well as gold eyes. My son had had caramel hair and hazel eyes like me. _Whoever this boy is, he is not my son. _I looked around wildly; William had to be here somewhere.

"This is Edward, Esme," Dr Cullen told me softly.

"Sorry," I murmured, apologetic. For the first time I noticed how different my voice sounded, almost musical. _Why is that then?_ In usual circumstances throwing myself at a complete stranger would have embarrassed me, but I was too pre-occupied with trying to work out what was happening.

I turned my attention back to the doctor. The first thing I noticed was that he looked the same age as he had when he treated me. I dismissed this observation almost as soon as I had made it. What did it matter? What difference did his eye color, or even the fact that he was here, make to me overall?

"You're too late," I told him, unable to keep the bitterness from my tone. How many times had I looked for him, wishing he would save me? Only for him to show up now, when he could no longer help me. William was dead. I was quite possibly dead, for how could I have survived the fall from the cliff? Yet now, when I was beyond help, was when he chose to show up. He looked at me, confusion etched onto every line of his face. _Why now? Why has he shown up now? And what is he doing here in the first place?_ Unexpectedly, I felt a surge rush of anger. _Why does my life keep tormenting so? I'm not even allowed to die in peace._

"You need to tell her, Carlisle, now," Edward said urgently. _Carlisle? Who is Carlisle? And tell me what?_

"Where am I? Where's my son? Is this Heaven?" I asked frantically, seeking answers for everything that had happened to me since I chose to jump from the cliff.

"No, Esme, this isn't Heaven," Dr. Cullen said sadly.

"Far from it," Edward muttered darkly, earning him a disapproving glare from the doctor.

"So where am I?" I asked again, trying to sound more assertive than I felt.

"Do you remember what you did?"

"I … I jumped off the cliff. Does that mean I'm dead?"

"Well, yes and no." _What? What did that mean?_

"Oh, just tell her already, Carlisle," Edward said exasperatedly. Carlisle, I deduced, was Dr. Cullen's first name. _What a nice name. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, it suits him. _The sound of Edward snorting broke my reverie. It was weird, how easily my mind seemed to wonder, considering I was currently in a room with two strange men, possibly dead, and still awaiting an answer.

"Esme, I've … changed you. I've made you like Edward and me. You were nearly dead when I found you, it was the only way to save you."

"Ch … changed me?" I asked, confused.

"Edward and me, we're … vampires. I've made you into one too, Esme." _Vampires? Did he seriously just say vampires?_

"Par … pardon?" I stuttered, sure I had heard him wrong. I stared at both their faces, expecting to see a smile or a laugh that would reveal this as all just one big joke. But both their face were stony, serious.

"I've made you into a vampire," Dr. Cullen repeated, his voice grave. I laughed then, a nervous trill of a laugh. I continued to look at them both expectantly, waiting for the punch line, or the real explanation, or something. For this couldn't be real, it was like something out of a horror novel, or a dream. _Perhaps that is it, this is all just a dream. That would explain why Dr. Cullen is here. _It was a weird dream no doubt, but maybe that was just a side effect of the pregnancy hormones. I closed my eyes, waiting to wake up in bed, still heavily pregnant. All of it: William's death, the cliff, the burning, Dr. Cullen and Edward. It had to be a dream. Or maybe a nightmare would be a better term for describing it. Any second now I would surely wake up.

"You're not dreaming, Esme. This is real. It was all real." Edward's voice broke through my contemplations. My eyes flickered open again, and Dr. Cullen and Edward were still there, in all their brightly colored glory. I closed my eyes again and re-opened them. I did this several times, and each time I was greeted with the same image when my eyes opened. Two confused men who were supposedly vampires.

"Esme, this is real," Dr. Cullen said reassuringly.

"Vampire?" I managed to squeak the word out. "As in, blood sucking, burning in the sunlight, avoiding garlic, vampires?" I was getting hysterical again. Edward gave another snort of laughter then, while the doctor looked uncomfortable.

"Only one of three," Edward told me.

"Many of the myths about us are incorrect," the doctor explained.

"Which one is correct?" I asked with trepidation. I wasn't sure which one I would have preferred to be the correct one. The idea of drinking blood was revolting. I would hate to only be allowed out in the nighttime, and never see the sun again. I'd never been particularly keen on garlic though, so that would probably be liveable with. Edward seemed to be repressing the desire to laugh again. _What could possibly be so funny?_

"The first one," Dr Cullen told me. _They drink blood? Will I have to drink blood?_

"Yes, you will." Edward answered my question. _Did I ask that out loud?_

"I'll have to kill someone?" I shouted hysterically.

"No, Esme, not if you don't wish to. Edward and me live differently from the rest of our kind. We feed of animals." _Animals? I guess that is preferable. _I tried to imagine myself killing an animal and draining its blood, but I couldn't. As I did, I became acutely aware of the burning pain in my throat. It had been there ever since I had awoken, but it was now becoming unbearable.

"She's thirsty, Carlisle." Edward said warningly. _Thirsty?_

"Esme, we need to take you to hunt. That burning in your throat – that's your thirst. Drinking blood is the only way to cool it." I nodded, even though I didn't really understand. Then I looked at them expectedly.

"Just go, Carlisle, she'll follow us," Edward said, rather grumpily in my opinion. He seemed to almost glare at me when I thought that, as if he could read my mind and knew what I was thinking. Then he walked out the room.

Dr. Cullen followed him, but held the door open for me.

"Thank you," I murmured.

"You're welcome."

We found Edward waiting for us outside the house.

"So …" I began nervously. "How exactly do," I forced the word out, "vampires hunt?" I looked around for some sort of weapon we would be using. "What do you use?"

"We don't need to use anything," the doctor explained kindly. "Other than are speed, strength, teeth, and venom." _That didn't mean what I think it did?_

"I'm sorry. Are you expecting me to kill this animal _with my teeth_? As in … pouncing on it and biting?" I asked incredulously.

"That's the general idea, yes," the doctor said, looking at me in concern.

"No!" I crossed my arms to emphasize my point. "There is no way I'm going to go into the forest and take down some poor little defenceless animal by biting it to death so I can suck its blood. It's absurd. Ridiculous. Preposterous. It's … it's … just not going to happen." I was aware I sounded like a spoilt child but I didn't care. They couldn't honestly expect me to agree to this.

"Would you prefer to go into town and kill the entire population?" Edward asked me sharply. I blanched at the idea. _I wouldn't? Would I? Surely not? I … I couldn't kill anyone!_

"Edward!" the doctor chastised the younger man. He then turned to me. "Esme, I understand the idea may be distasteful, but you need to try. Please?" His voice was surprisingly soft when he spoke to me, considering I had just thrown a childish fit. I finally nodded in agreement. If he said that this was important, then I had to assume it was.

"We'll show you how to run, vampire style," Edward said with a grin, lightening the mood.

"Edward's very fast. But as a newborn you may be even faster than him." Edward huffed, and Dr. Cullen smiled. "I have to say, it may be fun to watch you get beaten for a change." Edward narrowed his eyes and then ran off like a shot. His movements were unbelievably quick. One second he was there, the next he wasn't.

"He really is fast," I muttered.

"You'll be just as fast, if not faster." I looked at the doctor sceptically. "Trust me." Despite everything, I did.

"So what do I do?" I asked.

"Just run, your body will do the rest. Try and follow Edward's scent." With one last doubtful look at the trees where Edward has just disappeared, I set off.

The world flew past me at an incredible speed, but I was still able to see all the intricate details in the trees as they flickered past. I was surprised to realise I could smell the distinct scent left by Edward, as well as the woodsy scent I recognised as Dr. Cullen's behind me.

I don't know how far I had run when I found Edward waiting for me. Dr. Cullen caught up with us seconds later.

"Can you smell that?" I concentrated again on the scents around me. A new one had joined the selection I was beginning to recognise. There was a sort of pull to it. I realized I could also hear several heartbeats.

"Deer," Dr. Cullen told me. A memory hit me then. I had seen a deer once, as a child, it had looked like such a beautiful creature. So timid, and yet graceful. _And now they want me to attack one. _Beside me, Edward sighed loudly.

"No!" I said again. Under normal circumstances I would never have argued so strongly against two men, but none of this was normal. Despite what Edward had told me earlier, there was still a surreal dream-like quality to everything. I could dare to be this brave in dreams. In dreams I could stand up for what I believed in and what I wanted. It was only in dreams I would have dared to do so. And what I wanted was to not have to kill a deer.

"Esme?" Dr. Cullen ased worried.

I shook my head. "I'm not doing this. I'm sorry to have dragged you out to the middle of the forest for no reason, but I'm not going to do this."

"Yes, you are," Edward said harshly. Dr. Cullen sent him a warning look.

"Esme, what exactly is it that's bothering me?" Dr. Cullen asked me kindly.

"I, I don't want to have to attack a sweet little deer."

"Esme, did you ever eat vension as a human?" I knew where this was going, but I nodded. "And how is this any different?"

"I never had to actually kill it for myself. It's not very lady-like." I knew no gentleman would argue with that.

Dr. Cullen sighed. "Will you try, please?" he said in his calm persuasive voice. Before I knew what I was doing, I nodded. _How did he get me to agree to this?_ I looked at them both, hesitating, unsure of what to do next.

"Just let the scent pull you forward, your instincts will do the rest." Uncertain, but determined to try now I was here, I did as he said and followed the tempting scent. The next thing I knew I was on the back of one of the does, and pulling it down. The warm liquid coursing down my throat began to cool the fire within it, though not entirely. Without thinking about it, I dropped the deer once it was spent and chased after another, seeking further relief from the burning in my throat, all protests forgotten.

Only once I had finished did I look down at my bloodstained clothes. I would have been upset, but I realized they were the same clothes I had jumped in. I would never have wished to wear them again anyway.

I looked around for the two men. They were both stood a short distance away, their own drained deer corpses at their feet. Dr. Cullen was watching me, and when he spotted I was finished he came over to stand next to me.

"How do you feel? Is your throat better now?"

"Yes, thank you." Just then, I heard a ripping noise. I turned toward where the noise had come from to find Edward burying a deer corpse, before covering the hole up with a tree.

"Did he just pick up a tree?" I stuttered.

"We have to hide the evidence of our feeding," the doctor explained. "Would you like to try?" I looked at him sceptically again. _I can't pick up trees!_

"I'll show you." He then proceeded to bury my two deer corpses the same way Edward had with his.

"I can't pick up trees though," I protested.

The doctor smiled. "Actually, you're the strongest one here," he informed me. _They are both men – ones who can pick up trees at that! How can I possibly be stronger?_

"Those of us have just been created have extra strength due to the human blood still left in their bodies," he explained, clearly catching the confused expression on my face.

"I'm really stronger than you both?" I asked, surprised. I had never been the strongest. I was always the weakest. Weak enough to be controlled and beaten. I stopped that thought before it could go anyway. I would not think about that now. It was all in the past, where it belonged, and that was where it should stay.

I noticed Edward was staring at me from where he stood several trees away. The look in his eyes was indecipherable. It looked like a mixture of pity, confusion … and anger. But then it was gone, and when he spoke his words were calm. "Shall we head back now, Carlisle?"

"Of course. Unless you would like to hunt some more, Esme?" I shook my head; I'd had more than enough of hunting for one day.

Edward took off running, and Dr. Cullen gestured for me to go in front of him again, so I did.

I made it home at the same time as Edward. He didn't seem very impressed with that. Dr. Cullen arrived shortly afterwards.

"Sulking, Edward?" he joked. Edward glared back, his lips forming into a shape that I could only refer to as a pout. He reminded me of an old pupil of mine, who would pout just like that when he didn't get his own way. I smiled fondly at the memory and then in turned smiled at Edward, to show I didn't mean any harm. Much to my relief, he smiled back.

"Well done, Esme," he praised me. "It's not often someone can keep up with me. The old man here always lags behind." He smirked at Dr. Cullen.

"You're very funny, Edward," Dr. Cullen remarked dryly. I smiled at their antics.

I followed Dr. Cullen through the front door. As I walked into the hallway, the small mirror that was hung on the wall caught my attention. I gasped in shock. Staring back at me was a monster with vivid red eyes.

"Is … is that me?" I asked, horrified. "My … my eyes."

"The red color eventually fades if you stick with out diet," Dr. Cullen told me gently. "There is a lot we still need to tell you. Would you like to come and sit down with us?"

I followed him and Edward into the living room. There was a sofa and a chair, but little else in the room. Edward sat down on the chair, leaving Dr. Cullen and me to sit on the sofa. They explained more to me about life as a vampire, and I listened attentively.

"I'm sorry. We _glitter_ in the sun?" I interrupted Dr. Cullen for the first time.

"I'll show you next time it's sunny," he promised. "Edward managed to get possession of your belongings, we placed them in the spare room. Would you like me to show you?"

"Yes, please." I followed Dr. Cullen up to a small room.

"I'm sorry we haven't got anywhere nicer to offer you," he apologized, looking embarrassed and rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's fine, thank you." I replied. The two boxes on the floor caught my attention.

Dr. Cullen must have noticed where my gaze had shifted. "Those are your belongings. Your neighbors were going to give them to charity, and Edward offered to 'take them there'."

"Can you thank him for me, please?"

"You're welcome, Esme," I heard Edward say downstairs. _How did he … oh, yes, super-sensitive hearing. The same reason I was just able to hear him._

I picked up one of the boxes with ease, and began to open it, but the entire thing ripped like it was tissue paper, sending clothing everywhere.

"Oh no," I muttered.

"The extra strength does take some getting use to," Dr. Cullen said reassuringly. "Would you like some help?" Together, we began picking up the items of clothing scattered around the room.

"Here you go," the doctor said as he held out one of the last items to me. I realized it was one of my chemises. I would have expected my cheeks to turn a flaming red, but there didn't seem to be any heat there. The doctor seemed to realize what he was holding, and looked away bashfully as I took it.

"Th … thank you," I muttered, embarrassed, as I placed it in on the pile I had started upon the bed.

"Is that everything?" I asked. Neither of us seemed to be able to look the other in the eye.

"I think so, oh wait." The doctor went to pick up a blue object from the corner and passed it to me. I looked at it confused. I unbundled it, trying to remember what it was. Once it had unfurled I recognized it instantly. _The blanket I knitted for William._

Unbidden, I began to sob, as the onslaught of memories hit me. Not just of William, but the memories I had tried to keep back in the forest. Everything, my entire horrific life, flashed through my mind. Every slap, every kick. The humiliation I had suffered at Charles' hands. The joy I had felt at getting my baby free from his grasp. The pitiful life and death of my dear sister. The numbness I had felt after William died, that had led to me jumping from the cliff.

Somewhere in the background I thought I heard a furious growl from downstairs, as well as the soft sound of Dr. Cullen's voice. From the corner of my eye, I saw the doctor coming towards me. The next thing I knew I was crouching, and a terrifying hiss came from my mouth. But the anger disappeared as soon as it had come, to be replaced with the hopelessness I was well accustomed to. I stood up out of my crouch and backed away until I felt the wall against my back.

The two men watched me. Edward stood in the doorway – the same look he had worn in the forest on his face. The doctor appeared to have moved backwards away from me, his arms were held up in the sign of surrender. He was looking at me with concern. But my mind made no connection to any of those things, or anything else they had told me today. I had forgotten I was vampire and supposedly stronger than them. Forgotten that one of them was the kind, gentle man I had pined after for most of my life. All I could see was two men. And I was just a helpless woman, as I always had been.

"Please don't hurt me," I pleaded.

* * *

**I know you were all hoping for something a little bit happier for here on in, but I can't imagine Esme opened her eyes as a vampire and instantly all she had suffered as a human just went away.**

**Any thoughts of newborn Esme? I love hearing from you and I greatly appreciate every review I get :)**

**Also you may not hear from me for a bit. Exams start next week and I really do need to put my head down and revise. I know, I know, I keep saying that and then I update the next day. But I really mean it this time. I need to start some serious revision.**


	31. Esme

**Updated 9/7/11**

* * *

1921

_Carlisle_

Esme stared at me from where she stood with her back pressed against the wall, her wide red eyes fearful. Edward stood in the doorway, his face livid. I didn't understand what had happened in the last few minutes.

_What had I done to make Esme so afraid of me, and Edward so angry?_

Tactlessly, I had handed Esme her son's baby blanket, though I had not known what it was when I passed it to her. She had begun to sob and I had been drawn to console her, murmuring words of apologies. I had heard my son growl furiously downstairs, and had briefly wondered what could possibly have aggravated him so. But my main concern had been for Esme. Stupidly, I had walked towards her, meaning to offer comfort. Her newborn reflexes had taken over and she had gone into a protective stance. That part I understood. I had encountered it with Edward plenty of times during his newborn year, and I should have known not to get too close to a newborn, particularly an emotional one. But what happened next was what confused me. I had expected anger, to be shouted and screamed at as Edward had done. But instead she had looked at me with fear in her eyes, as if she was scared of me. _What had I done to her to deserve such a reaction? _I had lifted my arms in surrender to show her I meant no harm and backed away from her. But she didn't seem to register my actions, backing away from me apprehensively as if she thought my intention was to hurt her. _Why? Why would she think that?_ Just then was when my son had arrived in the doorway, fury etched on to every line of his face. This had only served to confuse me more. Surely he knew I had never meant to cause her such distress? I had looked at her, trying to show her without words that I meant her no harm.

The next words out of her mouth told me I had failed. "Please don't hurt me." She had said the words in a way that broke my heart, metaphorically speaking. It was a plea. A desperate plea that sounded like she didn't expect me to listen to it._ Something must have happened to her to make her this fearful,_ _but what?_

"Esme, I don't mean you any harm," I tried to make the words as soothing as possible. Tentatively, I took a slight step forward. Esme whimpered and Edward hissed.

"Stay there, Carlisle!" I had never heard my son sound so angry or so commanding before. But he knew what was going on in Esme's head, so the smartest choice at the moment was to listen to him.

Esme continued to watch the pair of us anxiously, still backed against the wall.

_Perhaps the most prudent option is to allow her to be alone, since it is clearly me she is terrified of._ From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward give the tiniest of nods in my direction.

"We'll leave you to get comfortable then," I told Esme, before exiting the room. I turned my head slightly to get one last glimpse of her as I left. She was watching me leave, her relief clear on face.

Edward followed me to my office. From several rooms down, the sound of Esme's sobbing could still be clearly heard. I still wished I could help her somehow, but considering what had just happened I would only make the situation worse. Despair filled me at the thought. _What had I done to make her fear me so much? _The fact that she considered me able to hurt her cut through me like a knife. _What had I done to her to merit such a reaction?_ I catalogued every interaction between Esme and me since she had woken up, trying to pinpoint the one that could have made her believe in such a twisted version of me.

_I didn't mean her any harm,_ I thought at my son, afraid his anger from before had been aimed at me, and my unknown transgression.

"It's not what _you_ did," Edward growled. "I need to clear my head," he announced before I could ask him any questions, and then he stormed to his own room.

My mind turned to repeatedly reviewing the incident. The blanket was most certainly what had set her off, quite understandable given her tragic lost, but why would memories of her son cause her to fear me?

The sound of stormy classical music filled the air, reminding me that I had two family members to worry about. I racked my mind for a solution to either situation and came up blank. Experience had taught me that leaving Edward to calm down in his own time was usually the wisest option. My presence in Esme's room would do no good either. Much as I longed to comfort her, to help her cope with the overriding grief that plagued her, I had to accept that my earlier attempt had ended disastrously. Though I hated the thought of leaving her to mourn alone, it was the only suitable option. The last thing I would want to do is cause her more distress.

With a sigh, I picked up one of my books at random. I headed down into the living room to read it, in the hope that one or both of my family members would join me soon.

It must have been hours that I sat there in our living room, listening to the mingled sounds of Esme sobbing and Edward's piano playing. To began with he had been playing rather angry sounding pieces, but had swapped it to something much more soothing when I had mentally told him the sound would be disturbing Esme even more.

The book I was supposedly reading was clutched limply in my hands. I had not been able to concentrate on it for longer than a few seconds, as my mind kept drifting to our newest family member. Her fearful eyes lingered in my mind as she pleaded with me not to hurt her. _What has happened to her to make her so afraid? _I had repeatedly thought through everything I knew about her life since she broke her leg a decade ago.

_1)She committed suicide because her baby died._

_2)She was a war widow. Or at least claiming to be, as the dates didn't add up. A baby born in May 1921 must have been conceived in August 1920. The war ended in November 1918. Why would she lie about it? Anyway, war widow or not, she had most definitely been married._

_3)She had been using her sister's name. She should have been using Esme followed by her husband's surname. But for whatever reason she had chosen to use her sister's name instead. Had she been trying to hide her identity? Was she on the run?_

_4)Whatever memories had been triggered earlier, it suggested that her human life had not been a pleasant one. Both her fearful reaction and Edward's anger at her memories suggested that some sort of pain had been inflicted on her. Is that what she was hiding from? Had she come to Ashland to escape?_

_5)Her human body had been marked with scars, as if someone had repeatedly beaten her. But who? Sad as it may be, the most likely option is her husband. How can anyone hurt someone as gentle and loving as Esme? If it was her husband who gave her those scars, is he dead as she claimed and she was merely moving away to escape bad memories? Or had the war widow story been a lie and she was running away from him to protect herself and her baby? _

I could re-think it over and over again, but I could only guess at the truth. That was something only Esme, and now Edward, could tell me. But it was understandable that she would not wish to share the trauma of her past with me, and as long as she didn't wish for me to know, I believed Edward would protect her privacy as best he could despite his talent.

Finally, I decided the 'what' didn't matter. Clearly Esme had suffered many hardships in her human life, but what mattered now was helping her past them. To prove to her that neither Edward nor myself meant her any harm, and that, despite whatever had happened to her in the past, she was safe now.

I heard the sound of the door to the spare room (now Esme's room) opening, and the gentle sound of Esme's footfalls on the staircase. As she walked into the room, I gave what I hoped was a reassuring smile in her direction. I realized she had changed out of her blood-spattered outfit and was wearing a nice blue dress. It suited her.

"Hello, Esme," I greeted her warmly. But I didn't know what to say next. 'Feeling any better?' or any other words to that effect would have just sounded callous.

"I'm sorry," she said timidly. Her eyes were watching me anxiously. "About earlier, I mean."

"It's fine." I paused, before adding, "I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. I should have known better with you being a newborn." We both knew her fear was more than just the regular defensiveness that came with being a newborn, but I felt it was better not to acknowledge that – she wouldn't want reminders. "Neither myself, or Edward, mean you any harm," I tried to make the words sound as sincere as possible, praying she would hear the honesty behind them.

"I know." The words were whispered so quietly I barely heard them. She stood nervously in the middle of the room.

"Would you like to sit down?" I was careful to word it as a question, but she still reacted as if it was an order, and I inwardly cursed myself.

She sat on the sofa opposite me and continued to look at me as if she was waiting for instructions on what to do next. I tried to think of the right thing to say to her. I just needed something to start a conversation off, as an uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"So what do … vampires … do when we're not …drinking blood?" Esme was the first talk. She seemed to have to problems forcing the word 'vampire' out much like I had as a newborn. I realized that while we had explained the linguistics of vampire life to her, we had not explained our day-to-day lives to her. She just wanted something to occupy herself with, perhaps distract herself now her sobbing had calmed down.

"Well, as you can probably hear, Edward enjoys playing the piano, and I enjoy reading." I gestured to the book I had placed on the floor, finally accepting I was not going to get any reading done. "Did you used to have any hobbies?" She shook her head.

"I used to read as a child, but I stopped after …" she trailed off and looked away uncomfortably.

"I have many books upstairs, if you'd like to borrow one. Though I most confess they are mainly medical texts, but still, perhaps we can find something you'd enjoy."

She smiled slightly. "That'd be nice, thank you." I got up to head toward my office and she followed. She gasped slightly upon spotting my bookshelves.

"Oh my…" she muttered.

"It's amazing what you can amass over time. There's a small fiction section on the second shelf on the right, as I doubt you have any desire to learn about anatomy." She smiled again; I noticed she had a beautiful smile. It made the already charming features of her face softer, more graceful. _Wait, what was that?_

"This looks interesting," she said. "I think I read some of her books as a human." While I had been lost inside my own head, Esme had wondered over to the bookshelves and picked out a book. "Do you mind?" she asked.

"No, of course not, feel free."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." I tried not to flinch at the formality her using my title gave to the situation. She didn't notice, and with yet another of her adorable shy smiles she left.

_I wonder what book she chose?_ I looked at the bookshelf, but if I was being honest I wasn't entirely certain what books had been on there. Most of my fictional books had been presents from the Denali clan; the sisters had been determined to get me to stop being so serious all the time, and that had been a part of their plan. If I was being honest I had never really read any of them. It had become a running joke among the Denali clan, to the point where Tanya and Kate had bought me the entire works of Jane Austen as a joke.

_Oh, that's what she took. _

"I was wondering why you had a copy of Sense and Sensibility," my son's sarcastic voice commented from the doorway. He was smiling his trademark crooked smile. It was a relief to see him looking happier. My son's face twisted into a scowl as I remembered his reaction this morning, no doubt remembering what he had overheard in Esme's mind.

"Not all humans are worth saving, Carlisle." My son's temperamental words shocked me. If there was one thing I had always shared with my son it was a determination to not harm humans.

"I don't expect you to understand," he said with a sigh and then begin to turn away.

_Edward, wait. If something is upsetting you, you know you can always talk to me about it._

"I'm fine, Carlisle," he said testily. "You and I just have different views of the world, that's all." With that last perplexing statement he walked away, leaving me even more confused than I had been beforehand.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Two weeks had passed by since Esme had joined our family. Our lives had slipped into a sort of routine. Edward went to his classes, and I had resumed my shifts at the hospitals after 'recovering from my bout of fever'. Esme stayed at home, it was too risky to have her near humans. Usually I would stay with her during the day and Edward during the night while I worked. During the days we were home together she would spend most of the time boxed up in her room, though she would appear shyly whenever she had finished the latest book I had lent her. We would make sure she hunted every two or three days. She generally went with Edward during the night, but on one of my rare nights off we had all gone together.

None of us mentioned what had happened that day, but much to my relief I had not seen the shadow of fear in Esme's eyes since then.

On the surface it would seem that Edward had gone back to the way he had been before Esme's arrival, but I knew my son well enough to know that underneath the façade of normalcy something had shifted within him. However, when I tried to discuss it with him he would simply sigh and tell me to stop worrying.

I had stopped my speculating on Esme's human life. I had been right when I had decided the best thing that I could do for her was to help her be able to move past it, whatever it was.

I arrived home early from my shift, just as Edward was leaving. It had been a slow night at the hospital; therefore I didn't feel too bad for purposefully leaving early. I had hated the idea of Esme being alone, even though such overlaps in our timetables were unavoidable.

_Morning, Edward._

"Morning, Carlisle." It was the same routine we'd had for years now, except there was a new bit on it now.

_Where's Esme?_

"She's doing some washing in the kitchen," Edward told me before departing. I walked through our front door.

"Morning, Esme." My determination to fully greet my family members each morning when I returned would have seemed silly to most people no doubt. But for someone who had spent the better part of the last two hundred and fifty years returning to an empty room, it was an indescribable joy.

"Morning, Dr. Cull- oh, darn it!" Esme's greeting cut off halfway as the sound of ripping cotton came from the kitchen. I had to resist the urge to chuckle at the sound of her gentle voice cursing.

Curious, I walked into the kitchen. I found Esme stood at the sink, a pile of washed clothes to one side of her, and a purple dress I had noticed looked particularly lovely on her in the sink. But the main thing I noticed was the look on her face. She looked like she would be on the verge of tears, if such a thing were possible.

"Esme? Are you alright?" I asked gently, concerned. I took a step forward and nearly slipped on a wet patch on the floor. My superior vampire reflexes meant I righted myself before I came close to falling as a human would have done. But not before Esme had reacted and attempted to help me, she had grabbed hold of my arm in an attempt to right me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I was trying to do the washing and I forgot my strength again, and the water splashed everywhere. I really am so sorry," she fretted.

"Esme, it's fine," I told her reassuringly. My soothing words didn't seem to have any effect though as she still looked like she would have been fighting back tears had she been human. She seemed to realize she was still holding my arm. Flustered, she let go and took a step back so there was a more proper distance between us. The second she let go I could feel my skin tingling, as though calling for her hand to rest there once again.

_What is that about?_

"I was doing so well though. And I had purposefully left that dress for last as well, so that I would know I was in control, and now I've ripped it." She lost her fight against the sobs she had been trying to hold back. For a few seconds I just stood there awkwardly, torn between my desire to comfort her and my fear she would misinterpret my actions again. Another couple of seconds dragged on before I decided I couldn't simply stand here and watch while she wept.

"Don't worry about it, Esme. It's just some washing. It doesn't matter. And you'll get use to your new strength eventually," I said in my best calming voice, the one I used on distressed patients. I was careful to not to make any movements towards her. However, my well intended words only caused her to cry harder.

"S…sorry. You're right. I'm just being silly." She did her best to control her emotions and to silence her sobs. "It's just I bought that dress with … with Grace, during the war. We went shopping together and she ... she picked it out." She once again succumbed to her grief. I didn't miss the way her voice stuck at her sister's name.

_No wonder it is causing her so much distress, the dress means something to her because her sister had chose it. And here I am telling her it didn't mean anything, how callous of me!_

Esme was looking thoughtfully at the dress. "I can probably sew it back together again, if I can do that with this confounded strength. It was stupid to wear it when I was hunting. Now it's got blood on it and if I try to wash it I'll probably just rip it again." She said this while looking at the sink and I wasn't certain if she was talking to herself or me.

"I can do it if you'd prefer," I offered. She looked at me in surprise.

"You'd, you'd do that for me?"

"Of course." Before she could say anything else I went to stand at the sink. I rolled my sleeves up and placed my hands into the warm soapy water. I located the bloodstain and began rubbing the fabric together so that the friction would dislodge the stain. After doing this for a few minutes I had managed to remove the stain. I wringed the worst of the water out and then placed the dress on the top of the pile.

"Thank you," she said gratefully. She seemed to hesitant for a moment, and then came closer to me. Before I knew what was happening her slender warm arms were on my back. It took me a second to understand what she was doing. Realizing my own arms were hanging down at my sides, I lifted them up and hugged her back. It was a new, but agreeable experience. Never in over two centuries had anyone hugged me.

After a few seconds she left go and I copied her actions.

"I don't think you realize how much that means to me. Thank you," she murmured. She looked away shyly, as if she had revealed too much. I comprehended that she had not known much kindness at all in her human life, even if the horrors she had faced were still a mystery to me.

"It was nothing, my dear," I replied softly, and then I kissed her on her cheek.

_Wait, why did I do that? What am I doing?_

She looked at me bemused for a second, and a dozen apologies formed on the tip of my tongue. But they were stopped short when she smiled that adorable little shy smile of hers. Relief coursed through me, along with a feeling I couldn't quite place.

"I should go hang those up," she said with a nod towards the pile of wet clothes. "And I'll need to sew that dress up once it's dry. Do I have any purple thread left?" She seemed to be asking the last part to herself.

"I can buy you some more if you've run out," I offered. She looked away shyly.

"That would be very nice. Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

She moved towards the pile of clothes and bundled them up into her arms.

"Do you need some help?" She shook her head, and gave me another one of her endearing smiles. I was yet again flooded with the unfamiliar emotion as she turned and walked out the back door. I felt slightly sad as she walked away, upset that our conversation was over. I found myself wishing she had given me another hug before she had left, or that I could had found another reason to offer her a kiss on the cheek.

The unknown emotion became even stronger as I thought about that possibility. It made me feel nervous and yet blissfully happy.

_What is going on with me?_

Something glittering on the counter caught my eye. I walked over and picked it up. It was a twisted lump of metal. Looking closely I realized it had once been a wedding ring, presumably Esme's. It looked like she had purposefully squashed it into this tiny ball of metal.

_I think it's safe to assume that her human husband, whether dead or alive, was the source of her problems. Whoever he was, and whatever he did to her, one thing is clear, she certainly doesn't appear to have loved him._

I was suddenly furiously angry at the thought of a man who could be lucky enough to have a woman like Esme and not treat her right.

_Well, at least I know she doesn't mourn for him as well._

Though I pitied her for the unknown horrors I was beginning to assume she had faced in her marriage, an inexplicable feeling of happiness spread through me as I realized that her heart did not belong to this unknown man.

_Why I am feeling like that? What is wrong with me?_

I stared blankly around the kitchen for a few moments before heading towards the living room, still feeling dazed. I felt myself collapse into one of the armchairs, my mind still reeling. What had overcome me? And what was this feeling? This mixture of nerves and happiness. It felt alien, like something I had felt a long time ago, too long ago for me to remember. A human memory then? But why had it returned with such force now?

_Esme._

It was because of her. There could be no denying it.

"I love vampire speed." I almost jumped out of my seat as Esme entered the room, smiling at me.

"Why's that?" I managed to organize my brain long enough to make a coherent reply.

"Well to start with it makes hanging up clothes to dry much less of a chore," she commented joyfully. "Didn't you enjoy it at first?"

I didn't know whether to answer truthfully or not. My head made a non-committal motion, neither a shake nor a nod. For at the very beginning I had seen my speed as just enough aspect that proved my inhumanity. She was staring at me expectedly, waiting for an answer.

"It does have it uses," I replied diplomatically.

"Indeed," she agreed. "But I love being able to run through the forest and see the world flash by me in a swirl of color." She looked like she was on the verge of twirling around on the spot, but instead choose to sit herself rather energetically on the chair opposite me.

It took me a few seconds to recognize the abnormality of the situation. Not since that first day as a vampire had Esme choose to sit down here with me, preferring the confines of her own bedroom. Nor had we had managed much conversation beyond the latest book she had read and the practicalities of our situation.

"Edward told me something similar as a newborn," I told her, eager to continue the conversation now she seemed comfortable talking to me. "Minus the swirl of color bit."

She giggled gently at that, but then looked down at her lap bashfully.

"How's are you finding the latest book?" I asked, falling back on familiar topics to keep the conversation going.

"Fine, thank you," she replied simply. "I might bring it down here to read actually. If that's OK?"

"Of course," I agreed. "I have a report to read anyway."

She disappeared upstairs but I noted that she had still made an improvement. That she was willing to sit here reading with me rather than hiding away timidly. I couldn't help but feel proud of her. My stomach flipped again. It was both a comfortable and uncomfortable feeling at the same time. Certainly not like anything I had felt before Esme had arrived so unexpectedly in my life a few weeks previously.

"Got it," Esme called as she re-entered room, sitting down in the same chair. She smiled shyly at me before turning her attention towards the book in her hand, flicking through the pages until she found the right one. Her eyes started scanning the words. After a few seconds though, she looked up again and caught my eye. I looked down furiously, embarrassed at being caught watching her.

_Where's that report?_

I picked it up from where I had abandoned it on the coffee table yesterday, but I couldn't concentrate on it for long. This fact did not surprise me. I couldn't help sneak glances at Esme over the top of it occasionally. She seemed quite absorbed in her current story. My mind, however, kept wandering. I kept re-running my actions earlier, trying to figure out what on Earth had possessed me.

I looked up in surprise as the door banged open. Quickly, I started to recite a page from my latest medical journal.

"So," Edward said as he joined us in the living room. "How was everyone's day?" His voice was innocent but the smirk plastered across his face was anything but.

"Fine, thank you," Esme replied, beaming. I had to resist a smile when I noticed that. It was confirmation that I had not upset her. That maybe, just maybe, she had actually enjoyed our awkward exchange in the kitchen earlier.

"What about you, Carlisle?" he asked. His voice was overly sweet and it was easy to tell that he was simply winding me up. He must have heard something from Esme's thoughts. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of irritation at my son. There was no need for him to make a game out of this, particularly in front of Esme.

Even though I knew it was pretty much pointless, I returned to reciting of the properties of the kidneys. He may have been able to hear Esme's thoughts but I wasn't overly keen to have him hear my own personal thoughts on the matter.

"Fine, thank you, Edward," I replied politely, I couldn't help but feel acutely aware of Esme's gaze, watching our conversation with interest.

"Anything of interest happen while I was gone?" he asked in the same would-be-innocent voice. It was a loaded question and we both knew it - there was no correct way of answering that question with Esme in the room. For if I said no I ran the risk of insulting her but if I said yes Edward would no doubt continue with his little game until he had forced all the information out of me anyway, which could lead her to growing annoyed at my lack of discretion.

"Nothing that would interest you I don't think," Esme answered for me and felt relief wash over me. I wondered how aware of Edward's talent she was – for surely she wouldn't have said that if she knew the full extent of it.

"I don't know, I'm sure I'd find it interesting," he countered. The sickly forced sweetness in his voice was obviously supposed to mock Esme's naturally sugary tones.

"Oh, it's nothing for you to worry about," she replied airily, standing up. I felt myself cringe a little bit inside. Edward was not going to react to that sentence well and yet it was his own fault for obviously not telling her the truth about his talent.

"Yes, no need to worry Edward with your problems," he snapped sarcastically. The anger in his voice worried me – there was a lot of resentment residing in his snide reply.

_Edward, that's enough! _I thought sternly. He was glaring at Esme furiously and I stood up from my chair to stand next to her, sensing trouble on the horizon.

"I'm going upstairs," he announced crossly. "Have fun together!" The last sentence was sneered at us, but I could hear the same underlying resentment. Esme jumped slightly at the bang he created slamming the door behind him.

She turned away from the door to face me. I deny any man to not be moved by the look of worry she shot me. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Don't worry about, Edward," I replied quietly. "He can be temperamental at times. I'll go speak with him."

_You can't deny it's true_, I thought as I headed up the stairs after him. Worried as I was by his reaction to Esme, I couldn't help but be amused by Edward's behaviour. In a way his strops were almost comforting compared to his strange sullen attitude earlier in the week. This was more typical Edward behaviour.

I raised my hand to knock on the door and wondered if he would chuckle at me for performing the very same act I always told him was pointless around vampires.

"If I tell you to go away, will you?" he asked tetchily just before my hand landed against the wood. I chuckled slightly and used the hand that was now frozen in mid-air to turn the door handle instead.

_I assume you saw what happened this morning in Esme's mind? _I asked as I entered the room. He nodded. I sighed, considering carefully how to word my explanation.

_I don't truly understand what came over me this morning, but it doesn't change anything._

He laughed darkly at my words, shaking his head at me. "Don't be so ignorant, Carlisle," he scoffed.

_Edward! _I couldn't help my indignation, he was taking things way out of proportion.

"What? It's not my fault you're being a fool!" he sneered mockingly.

"Edward!" The word came out as hiss between my teeth. His words were only adding to my earlier irritation.

"Of course it changes something," he insisted forcefully. "It changes everything, because you-" He cut off suddenly and snapped his mouth close, I heard his teeth clang together. The sound vibrated through the sudden silence. I watched him carefully, waiting to see if he would continue talking. But he just stood there looking annoyed with himself.

"Because I what, Edward?" I prompted curiously. I couldn't help it. Had Edward somehow managed to understand my own mind better than I had? It wouldn't be the first time.

"Figure it out yourself," he muttered bitterly. "Don't you have a shift to go to?" he added pointedly. It was an obvious dismissal. I pulled my pocket watch out and quickly looked at the time. Twenty minutes before I was due at the hospital, no real rush. It helped to be slightly late sometimes anyway – no human was perfectly punctual all the time.

I glanced up at my son again, trying to understand the strange mood he was in and what could have triggered it. I could not understand why he would react so badly to the growing closeness between Esme and me.

_Maybe he's jealous. It suppose to be quite a common reaction among older coven members if the creator brings a new one into the fold._

"Don't overestimate yourself," he spat at me angrily.

Too late I realized I had not disguised my thoughts, but it was not worth getting into an argument with him. There seemed very little I could say to him, especially since Esme could hear every word I said. I glanced down once more at the pocket watch still in my hand.

"I suppose I best be getting ready for my shift like you said," I finally commented, turning towards the door. But I stopped half-way through the doorway.

_Be nice to Esme while I'm gone. _I knew there was a chance my warning would only infuriate him more but I hoped he would still pay attention to it. I wished I didn't feel the need to say it at all. This was the first time I had ever considered he would be less than courteous to our new family member and it made me feel guilty to think so ill of my son.

"Wouldn't dream of being anything but," he said mockingly. I turned round to face him again, wanting to say something to make my exit less hostile, but I was greeted by the door being slammed in my face.

I sighed deeply and ran my hand through my hair, looking blankly at the closed door for a few seconds. Accepting there was nothing I could do right now, I headed to my own room to change outfits since I was still wearing what I had wore to work yesterday evening.

As I did so Edward's words continued to repeat in my head. Though his anger worried me greatly, it was his second to last sentence that intrigued me most.

_Because I what? _

It was to do with Esme, it had to be. He knew. Edward knew what was wrong with me and he wasn't going to spill anytime soon.

I tried to push it all to the back of my mind, to concentrate on my upcoming shift. But it was a near impossible task. It was only once I was half-way to the hospital I realized I had forgotten to say goodbye to them both.

Even as I went about my shift my mind continued to drift back towards the members of my family back home. Esme's cheek, silky smooth against my lips. The little smile she had wore when talking to Edward. I felt the now familiar but still uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

"_Because you-" _Edward's words still taunted me. _Because I what?_

I was brought back to the present when I heard my current patient chuckle.

"You're lost in your own world there, doctor," she commented with a smile. I gave a half-hearted smile back.

"So," she began. Unless I was much mistaken she was smirking at me. Her expression was incredibly similar to one Edward had wore when he had walked into our living room two hours previously, uttering the same word. "Who is she?"

I found myself unable to reply, completely thrown by her question. She had said it so self-assuredly, so confident in her estimate. More so, the connation behind it was obvious. Was that what Edward had been trying to tell me? That I was attracted to Esme?

I couldn't help but think of her smile yet again at the thought. But the giddy feeling in my heart was washed away as I remembered her wide fearful eyes, her pleaded words, and a lump of squished metal. This was very last thing Esme needed.

"Someone very special," I answered truthfully. She laughed merrily at my answer.

"I'm sure she is. You must count yourself a lucky man."

My smile was once more forced. I was more than lucky to have Esme in my life, but she could never be what this woman thought she was to me. I had no right to demand that of her.

"All finished," I announced chirpily, snipping the end of the thread and inspecting the woman's stitches. She hopped lightly of the hospital bed.

"Thank you, doctor. And good luck," she said as she made her exit.

But luck had nothing to with it. I would do what was right for my family, for Esme. And what was right was to push any potential feeling aside and carry on as normal. Even as I continued on with my duties with a heavy heart, I couldn't help but wonder what my son would say when he learnt of my newest revelation.

* * *

**What did you make of Carlisle and Esme in this chapter? Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	32. Carlisle

1921

_Esme_

"Checkmate." Annoyed, I pushed my king down with a little more force than usual. Ten games in and I had lost every single one. The brittle puzzle piece snapped in half under the pressure from my fingers. Chagrin flooded me at the sight of the broken piece, as I imagined having to explain to the kind doctor why we couldn't play a game together once he arrived home from his shift.

_Well, I'm really sorry, Dr. Cullen. But the nice chessboard you bought me so I wouldn't be bored? I kind of lost my temper and broke the king. So no, I guess we won't be playing together today._

Edward snorted, no doubt amused by the sight of me breaking a chess piece in anger.

_How does he keep beating me though? It's like he can read my mind of something. Don't be ridiculous, Esme. Vampire or not, he can't read your mind. Thank goodness for that._

My mind drifted to my hazy memories of the daydreams I had used to have as a girl about the kind doctor who had once fixed my leg. They had been playing on my mind ever since the day two weeks ago when he had helped me wash my dress.

The doctor had come good on his promise and bought me not just some more purple thread, but an entirely new sewing kit. A week later, when I had realized there was only so much sewing can do to help clothes when you wear them to take down wild animals, he had bought me a whole new set of clothes, even though I had never even told him I was having a problem. The last thing I wanted was to ask him to spend his hard-earned money on me. The same happened four days ago when I ran out of books to read from his rather small (if only in comparison to the rest of his collection) fiction section. The next day he arrived home after work with a several bags of romance novels and other women's books for me. And then, two days ago, I had wished I had something else to do but read, and he came home with a chessboard for us to play.

_Maybe they can both read my mind. Maybe it's a vampire skill that I just haven't mastered yet._

As bad as it would be if Edward could read my mind, the idea of Dr. Cullen being able to do so was ten times worse. The idea that he would ever find out about my foolish daydreams was mortifying, but not as bad as the thought of him knowing the stupid decisions I had undertaken as a human.

_What does it matter either way? Nobody can read your mind, Esme, stop being silly!_

Something seemed to amuse Edward even more; he looked like he was holding his laughter in, though I didn't understand what it was that had entertained him so much.

"Something funny, Edward?" The words came out more tart sounding than I had meant them too.

"Sorry." He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, as if he was nervous. I realized he must be or else he wouldn't have done the unneeded human action. I watched him worried.

"Is something wrong, Edward?" I asked, concerned. In the month I had known him I had found Edward could be very unpredictable. Though he was always very polite and courteous to me, I had overheard him and Dr. Cullen arguing several times. I couldn't forget the bone-chilling look of anger on his face that terrible day when we had returned from my first hunt. But he had never been anything other than nice towards me on the nights we were stuck at home together. A part of me wished I could do something to help the poor boy, who was trapped inside an adolescent's body for all eternity, but I barely knew him, and he was older than me in at least one way.

"Um… there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I probably should have told you a while ago, but I was worried about how you would react." I looked at him curiously.

_In the last month I've been told that I'm a vampire, that I can choose to live of animal blood if I wish, but I will always crave human blood, and that I'm now the strongest creature on the planet. What could possibly be so bad he wouldn't wish to tell me? What next - that they really do read minds?_

I smiled slightly at the mere stupidity of that thought, while he seemed to grow more uncomfortable.

"Well yes – but only me. Carlisle can't." I looked at him confused.

"Only you can do what?"

"Read your mind."

_He actually can read my mind! No, he has to lying! Quick, think of something. Erm… a b c d e f g_

"You're reciting the alphabet."

_1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10_

"And now you're counting."

_You can seriously read my mind? Did he hear that?_

"Yes and yes."

_Can you hear everything I think? _

"Only what's going through your mind at this precise moment of time."

_But he's been able to all this time! Oh no – does he know about Charles?_

The same flash of anger from a month ago flitted across his face before he composed himself.

_That's a yes then. _He knew about Charles, he knew how stupid I'd been as a human, no wonder he was so angry with me.

Edward gasped. "How can you possibly think I'm angry at _you_?"

"Well, who then?"

"That … that wretched man," he spat the words out with anger. _What? He's angry on my behalf?_

"Of course." Emotion flooded me at the idea that even though he barely knew me he was so angered by what had happened to me.

"Thank you," I whispered. His brow furrowed in confusion.

"For what?"

"For caring."

"I'll never understand it. How anyone could ever hurt someone like you." I was certain if I could cry I would have. I wanted to hug him, but held back thinking he would not appreciate it.

_He's known … he's known all along. Ever since that first day. Oh no! Has he told Dr. Cullen?_

"No, Esme, I haven't. I try to protect the privacy of those around me. You'll have to tell him yourself." I scowled at him, my earlier gratitude towards him gone. Though I was relieved Edward hasn't told the doctor himself, how could he possibly expect _me_ to tell him? I may as well tell him I used to daydream of being his wife as a girl. Edward laughed slightly.

_Oh no! Did he hear that?_

"Yes," he said, trying to hide his smirk.

"You can't tell him, please," I begged. I felt mortified at the very thought.

"Didn't I just say I'd protect your privacy?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Not that I think he'd mind," he mumbled. I looked at him curiously. _What?_

"I think I'm going to go practise my piano for a bit." Then he left me sat there, thoroughly confused.

_What did he mean by that?_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Several hours later, I heard the sound of Dr. Cullen arriving home from his shift. Edward had left for his classes an hour earlier. I was sat in my room, trying in vain to read one of the books Dr. Cullen had purchased for me.

I listened carefully to the thump of the doctor's medical bag as he placed it on the floor. Then I heard his gentle footsteps walking up the stairs and towards my room. There was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in," I called softly. He walked into the room and smiled at me.

"Good morning, Esme."

"Good morning."

"It looks like it'll be sunny later today." That caught my interest; I had yet to see what I now looked like in the sun.

"Will … will you show me then? What we look like in the sun, I mean."

He nodded. "Of course. Until then, would you like to play a game of chess?"

"Um…"

"It's fine, if you don't want to," he said quickly.

"No, I'd love to. The problem is um… I sort of … broke one of the pieces. I swear Edward cheats-" Sudden realization hit as I remembered what he had told me this afternoon. "He does cheat!" I huffed.

Carlisle chuckled slightly. "He does have certain advantages."

"Did you know he can … can read minds?" Carlisle nodded.

"As he only just told you?" I nodded. "Sorry, I assumed he had told you early." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I know Edward can be a bit … difficult at times."

"But you still care for him." I stated. It wasn't a question. He nodded.

"I consider him my son." His voice showed his fatherly love for the boy. _Does that mean he considers me his daughter? _That thought did not make me happy for some reason. I decided not to ask, in case he would ask me in return to explain my question.

"Shall we go play a game now? I'm sure we can manage with one broken piece. And I promise I don't cheat."

"That'd be nice, Dr. Cull… Carlisle."

He held the door open for me as we left the room. Once we had arrived in the living room, he began setting up the chess pieces. I cringed in embarrassment at the sight of the snapped in half king. I felt even worse when I noticed Carlisle had set them up so he was stuck with the broken piece.

"You can be white, if you'd prefer," I told him.

"No, it's fine." He smiled kindly at me as I sat down opposite him.

I smiled triumphantly as I spotted my winning move.

"Checkmate." Rather than looking sad, Carlisle beamed at me.

"Well played, Esme." He didn't seem in the slightest bit annoyed by his loss. I had a feeling he had allowed me to win.

"Another game?" he asked. I nodded in agreement.

When I won that game as well, my theory was confirmed. _He is definitely letting me win._ I was about to call him out on it, but he looked so happy about my victory. His face was beautiful when it was lit up with joy, his golden eyes twinkling with merriment.

"I think that's enough chess for now," I announced.

"Well, I need to go to my office for a while. Will you be okay on your own?" I nodded.

Once he had left I looked around the room, wondering what to do now. I remembered the book I had left upstairs, but then the thin patch of light streaming through the curtains caught my attention. Dawn had broken, and for the first time it wasn't cloudy.

"Carl … Carlisle?" His name still sounded foreign on my tongue, but I had more important things on my mind. Though they had told me the sun would do me no harm, I didn't want to walk into it alone. I wanted Carlisle to be with me.

He was by my side in a few seconds.

"Esme? What's wrong?" his voice showed that my shout had panicked him.

"The sun's out." I saw the realization dawn on his face.

"Would you like me to open the curtains? It won't harm you, I promise. It's just a little shocking at first." Uncertain what to say, I nodded again. In one fluid movement he crossed over to the window and opened the curtains. The sunlight streamed in and reflected off my skin. I stared mesmerized at my glittering hand. I looked over at Carlisle, who was still stood be the window; his skin was the same as mine. Entranced, I walked over to his side. Without thinking about what I was doing I lifted his hand and began stroking the sparkling surface. I expected it to be rough, but it was smooth and cold, like marble.

"Enchanting, isn't it?" I heard him whisper. I could do nothing more than nod. "Shall I draw the curtains now?" With his free hand he pulled the curtains closed, and the sunlight was blocked from the room. Now I was no longer focused on our dazzling skin, I was acutely aware that my hand was still on top of his. Quickly I drew it away, embarrassed by my improper behaviour. _He must think I am such a fool. _His arms flopped back to his side, almost reluctantly it seemed.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's okay. Nothing to be ashamed off. I know how shocking it is the first time you see yourself in the sunlight," he told me soothingly, he rubbed my shoulder comfortingly for a moment. My skin tingled at his touch, and I felt upset when he stopped.

A few seconds of uncomfortable silence went past, as I tried to think of something to say. In the end, it was Carlisle who spoke first. "So, now you see why we can't go out in public when it's sunny."

"Indeed, we would certainly cause a scene," I agreed.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was playing solitaire with Carlisle's pack of cards, on the dining table that was never used for dining. I moved the cards back to how they had been a few turns ago, annoyed. A thousand different moves and strategies floated through my expanded mind.

"Try moving that five there." Carlisle's voice made me jump, I had been so absorbed in my game I hadn't notice him arrive in the room. He pointed to the card he meant over my shoulder, and I was acutely aware of how close his arm was. I did as he had suggested and suddenly everything became clear. I quickly finished off the game.

"That was a good spot," I told him.

He smiled sadly. "I have plently of years practise playing solitiare. It's a game for one." I had a sudden urge to stand up and hug him, and tell him he was no longer alone. He had me - and Edward.

Instead I said, "Me and Edward were going to go hunting tonight. It's your night off from the hospital, isn't it? Would you like to come with us?" It was my own way of showing him he was not alone anymore. He smiled.

"I'd like that very much, thank you." He looked towards the cards on the table. "Know any games for two?"

I had not played cards since I was a child and I had played snap with Helen, Charles was hardly one for sitting around playing card games.

"Aside from snap, no," I said to Carlisle.

"Snap, what's that?" he asked enthuasistically, sitting down opposite me. I couldn't help smiling slightly at his enthuasism.

"It's a children's game. I used to play it with my cousin."

"Can you teach me?" he asked. I quickly explained the very simple rules of snap. I gathered the cards back into a pile and split it, giving half to Carlisle. Everything was going fine until the first 'snap' appeared. My hand shot through the table and I screamed, expecting the blinding pain which would surely come, as I must have ripped open half my arm.

"Esme, calm down, it's fine," Carlisle said gently. He placed his hands on my arm and gently lifted my arm out of the hole I had created. I suddenly remembered him holding my broken leg in a very similar way. "See, your arm is fine." I looked at said limb disbelievingly, it looked exactly as it had before. White, perfect, and unscarred. The same could not be said for Carlisle's table. It had a massive hole in it, and on the floor was a pile of bent cards.

"I'm so sorry," I stammered.

"Esme, it's fine. I can buy a new table and some new cards."

"You shouldn't have to spend so much money because of me," I protested.

Carlisle shrugged. "Money means very little to me. However, I do think we will have to abandon our game of cards. Would you like another game of chess instead?"

"Yes, that would be nice, thank you. If you promise not to let me win this time." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. _Why did I say that?_ I waited nervously for Carlisle's reaction. Luckily, he just laughed.

"I don't know what you mean," he said jokingly. I shot him a significant look. He knew exactly what I meant. "But if that's your wish," he continued happily. We both walked over to the board and he began lining up the pieces. A feeling of contentment washed over me. I liked this, having someone I was able to laugh and joke around with and play games with.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was sat in the living room. It was the day after I had first seen what I looked like in the sun.

I had been alone all afternoon, which made a change. Edward was in Ashland attending his courses and Carlisle was at the hospital during the day due to a schedule change caused by some medical emergency.

The fire I had stoked in the old unused fireplace was roaring. Most people would have find it bizarre to have a fire on a hot June evening, but the heat didn't affect me, and it reminded me of sitting in front of the fire with Grace as children. My knitting needles clicked. I wasn't knitting anything in particular, I was just doing it because the action soothed me and was familiar among the weirdness that I'd had to deal with over the last month. I could use it as a blanket or something. _Why would I need a blanket in a house where no one else sleeps? _I realized I was knitting for no good reason, but I continued none the less. It was just such a human thing to do.

As it always did, my mind drifted as I got into the familiar rhythm. I found myself thinking of the previous afternoon and night. Though Carlisle had beaten me three times in chess, I had won the last one. It had felt slightly good to win something on my own merits. Once Edward had returned home, all three of us had hunted together like I'd suggest. Though I had no problem hunting just Edward and me, I was always more excited for a hunt on the nights were the doctor was home and could accompany us. Once we had gotten home, Carlisle had beaten Edward twice at chess, much to my amusement after his little cheating incident, at which point Edward had stormed upstairs, leaving the doctor and me alone, and trying to hide our laughter at his temper tantrum.

"No one likes a sore loser, son," Carlisle had called up the stairs. Edward had mumbled something under his breath, but I'm sure I caught the words 'snapped king.' I suppose he had a point, I was hardly any better. Carlisle had obviously heard it too.

"Yes, but I don't cheat, Edward. So you're not allowed to lose your temper at me."

"Will he be okay?" I had asked, worried we may have taken our teasing too far. Carlisle just chuckled slightly.

"He knows we're only teasing. Right, son?" He had raised his voice for the last part.

"Yes. And there's no need to shout, Dad!" Carlisle had beamed when he said that. You couldn't miss the love he had for his 'son'.

_He is, without a doubt, the kindest, gentlest man I've ever met._

My mind drifted to a somewhat dull memory of myself in a hospital. I thought yet again of the doctor who had shown kindness towards my sister and myself when no one else ever had. It wasn't that surprising I had struggled to get him off my mind.

_How foolish I was back then, imagining myself in love with him. Of course I'm not in…_

The needles fell from my hands as realization hit me. They hit the floor with a clink, unravelling knitting I'd been doing as they did so, but I didn't care.

_Oh! Oh!_

_I don't, do I? Is that what love's supposed to feel like? _I thought back through everything that had happened since I had woken up as a vampire a month ago. The way I would miss the doctor when he left for his shifts, even though I had Edward for company. The giddy feeling I got whenever he smiled. The thrill I had felt when I had hugged him two weeks ago and he had kissed me on the cheek.

_I do! I … I …I love him!_

_What am I supposed to do now? Surely he will never feel the same way about me. For someone as perfect as him will clearly never love someone as broken as me._

* * *

**Esme has had an epiphany! **

**Just for the record, Edward was telling Carlisle her thoughts whenever she needed new things, and that's how he knew to buy them. I wasn't certain how clear that was. It's obvious to me as the author even though it never directly says it, but I didn't know how clear it was to the reader as you're only looking at things from Esme's POV. Also, Carlisle did let her win their last game of chess, put Esme doesn't need to know that.**

**I loved to hear what you made of her and Carlisle in this chapter, as well as her and Edward. Also, I'd really love to hear your thoughts on her epiphany!**


	33. Fireside

**Updated 6/7/11**

* * *

1921

_Carlisle_

I couldn't help but smile to myself as I got nearer to my home. For the last twenty hours I had been stuck at the hospital due to an accident in one of the nearby factories. Though I enjoyed my work immensely, it had been my one and only comfort while I was alone, I now had my family to consider. My smile widened a little bit as at the fact that I was no able to say 'my family'. Due to my workload I felt I might have been neglecting them recently, especially Esme, who I'd been forced to leave alone in the house when the time for my shift came, much as I hated to.

Her presence in my life had made a big change in ways I was still struggling to understand. What I did know for certain was that she was overall a much warmer, happier person than Edward, who was often withdrawn and sullen. Though I love my son very much, I found myself more excited by the thought of returning from the hospital to see Esme than I had when returning to Edward back at the start.

As I arrived near our home I was surprised to note my son's trail leading away from the house, and into the forest. I would have assumed he had taken Esme out to hunt, but I could sense she was still in the house. I smiled happily once more as I inhaled her intoxicating floral scent. The smile slipped from my face as a different scent entered my nostrils, infused with hers. That wasn't right. That couldn't be right.

Before I could stop them, some of my least favourite memories began to play inside my mind. The blurry face of young girl burned at the stake on false pretences. My father's imposing voice scolding me, reminding me that if I were a sinner then I to I would die in the fires. The memory then became a much clearer one, the pieces of a rule-breaking vampire, thrown into a bonfire in the large hall of the Volturi's castle. The nauseating smell vampire flesh made as it burnt and the strangely mystical purple smoke that trailed up from the fire that had killed them.

I heard my medical bag fall to the floor with a heavy flump as I dropped it, but I did not heed it any attention.

I felt my breathing stop. I could almost feel the ferocious beating of a heart, but that was memory and not fact.

The scent was coming from the living room. The combined mixture was sickening. The sweet smell of jasmines and the cloying scent of smoke, two scents that should never belong together. For a flower would never smell sweet again once it had burned.

_What has happened here? Esme? Is she OK? Is she safe? And Edward? Where is Edward?_

"Carlisle?" Esme's timid voice broke through my panic. Unknowingly I had rushed into the living room all but blinded by fear and simply following her scent. She was sat on the sofa, knitting needles in hand. Beside her she had lit a fire in our previously never used fireplace.

"Esme!" I exclaimed. I felt the giddy relief that washed through me, swiftly replacing the dread. If I were human I knew I would have to be clinging to something at this point for I would have been shaking so badly.

She was watching me curiously. Her head was tilted slightly to the side and though I could see she was trying her best to hide it, her facial expressions made her confusion all too clear.

"Are you alright?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, fine. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." How stupid I must have looked running into this room all aflutter when all she was doing was knitting by a fire. As I calmed down I realized just how irrationally I had acted. I had known she was safe, had been able to sense her presence in our house, along with the fact that nobody else was there. Which reminded me of my earlier question.

"Where's Edward?"

"Oh, um … he went to hunt," she replied hesitantly. I couldn't help but note the uncertainty of her words. I did not believe her to be lying but I could tell she was not telling me the whole truth. After I had stood observing her for a few seconds, she looked down shyly, intensely scrutinising her hands. They were now folded together in her lap, the knitting needles forgotten. I might have just been being paranoid but it was like she was unable to look me in the eyes for some reason.

"Alone?" I asked, confused. _Why would Edward go out to hunt and leave her alone?_

"I, um, asked him to." She had picked the knitting needles up again and was studying them intently, trying to count the stitches. I could see her lips forming the numbers. It was obviously supposed to signal the end of the conversation, but I decided not to take the hint. After all, her answer had only served to confuse me even more. _Why would she wish to be left alone when she had been alone all afternoon thanks to my shift at the hospital?_

"Didn't you wish to go with him?" I couldn't understand why a newborn would pass up the opportunity to hunt. She shook her head, still not looking up from her lap. I had to resist the urge to reach across and tilt her head up towards me, so that I could look into her beautiful almond-shaped eyes.

"Why not? Is something wrong, Esme?" I asked as kindly as possible.

"What?" Finally, she looked up. But her eyes were apprehensive and secretive. Like she had a secret she did not wish me to find out. "Oh no. I just … needed a moment to think. Alone." She looked away again as she spoke, staring once more at the wool in her lap.

_Think? Think about what? Clearly something is bothering her, but what? Is she finally growing upset about her change? Is she planning to leave?_ Sorrow seeped through me at the thought. I didn't want her to leave. Even though she had only been with us for a month, I couldn't imagine going back to how it had been before – just Edward and me. I had always claimed that if Edward and her wished to leave it was their choice, I would not take that away from them and force them to stay. But if Esme told me she was leaving would I be able to stand by and say nothing? The answer to that was simple – no. I wouldn't be able to. I would beg her to stay if I had to, for the idea of her leaving was unthinkable.

"What were you so worried about?" she asked quietly. She was looking at me once more. I could feel the gaze of her eyes on me. I didn't know how to answer her. "When you arrived home?" she expanded, mistaking my slowness in answering for confusion. Her question reminded me of the fire. I had been trying to block out the sound of it crackling behind me. Most people would have called the sound merry, but to me it sounded menacing. A reminder that my life would one day end in fires. 'Because you're a demon, boy', my father's voice told me in my head.

I shook my head, as if to shake his voice away. Esme was still watching me intently. Her eyes were a sparkling ruby colour today, meaning she had hunted recently. That made the fact that Edward had supposedly gone to hunt even more puzzling. For why would he need to hunt now when he had been hours previously. For he knew better than to let her hunt alone. But what would she hide from me?

"Carlisle?" Esme's call distracted me from my thoughts. Her voice was tentative – obviously uncertain about what she was doing.

"Sorry," I apologised. "What did you say?"

"What were you so worried about when you arrived home?" she repeated. Her gaze had still not left mine. No doubt she was perplexed by my baffling behaviour. I had been acting nothing but strange towards her since my arrival home.

"Oh, um, nothing. I'm fine," I mumbled aversively. She looked at me sceptically, raising one eyebrow at me. I wondered if she knew Edward sometimes gave me the exact same look. Maybe she had picked it up of him.

An awkward silence followed as neither of us said anything for a few seconds.

"No, you're not," she challenged. Her sudden change of tone took me by surprise, all her shyness appeared to have abruptly disappeared. She was still watching me expectedly.

"No," I found myself agreeing. "I'm not."

"So what's wrong?" she asked.

I wanted to change tack once more and returning to lying about being fine. But I realized by doing so I would be doing exactly what she had been doing, hiding the truth. This averseness of both our parts was never going to get us anywhere.

From the very start I had been honest with Edward, it was difficult not to be considering his gift. It had been relieving to be able to be completely truthful with someone at last. He had never said it, but I got the feeling it had been this honesty among other things that had gotten him to trust me and, dare I say it, love me during our early years together.

_Surely I owe Esme the same honesty._

I sighed deeply and prepared to lay my soul out bare to the wonderfully curious woman watching me.

"I noticed the fire. It worried me," I admitted simply, sending a quick glare in the named object's direction.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said quickly, hands flying to her face. "I didn't know."

I chuckled, somewhat more darkly than intended. "No, no. It's fine," I tried to assure her. I doubted it was very reassuring.

"Why?" She tilted her head to the side once more. "Why did it worry you?" She was looking at me with the same look of confusion she had worn before. Her brow was furrowed and even her delicate little button nose was screwed.

"Do you remember what I told you?" I asked. She looked thoughtful but didn't reply. "About vampires?" I prompted and then paused. I didn't want to scare her.

"Which bit?" She nibbled at her lip nervously.

"The part about how you … destroy vampires." The last two words left my tongue reluctantly. She gasped then, finally understanding what I meant.

"I smelled the scent of fire, and I panicked. Even though earlier I had noticed you where in the house, I thought something, something had happened to you." I trailed off as I said the last part, my mind lost in what might have been. _I've only just found her again. I can't lose her this time._

She was still watching me, her eyes brimming with concern. "It's OK now. I'm fine. But, you," she tilted her head in the opposite direction, " you still seem … scared by it."

I let out a sigh and a slightly sarcastic chuckle. "It's a long story," I told her. Indeed it was, starting in seventeenth century England.

"We have all day. Tell me," she said encouragingly.

"I guess I should start at, well, the start then." She smiled slightly at that. Even in my melancholy mood her smile managed to cheer me up for just a second.

"Sit down," she encouraged, patting the sofa cushion beside her. I was more than happy to oblige her.

"I was born in England in the 1640's-" I was cut off when she gasped.

"Sorry. I knew you were older than you looked, and immortal. But I never imagined centuries. Decades maybe, but not centuries." Of course, she had not fully gotten her head round the idea of immortality yet. _If she thinks I'm old, wait till I tell her about the Volturi._

"My mother died in childbirth, and my father was an Anglican pastor. I barely remember my human life now, but one of the things I do remember is his harsh brand of religion. He used to claim people were demons, and, and burn them at the stake." I could see Esme was on the verge of saying something but I continued relentlessly, wanting to tell her everything now I had started. "There is one, one burning I remember, not clearly, but more so than the others, even though I was only a child myself. They, they burned a young girl, and, in my naïve youth, I just couldn't understand why. But my father, he was determined in his cause, sure of her guilt. Afterwards, once we got home, he told me that if I defended the guilty, then I to would one day end up being bound to the stake and burned."

I could still remember the words clearly, despite all the centuries that had past. They were the clearest words of my father's I still had, because of how much they had cut through me. The thrashing I had been given beforehand had been the worse of my human life, but as much as the sting of his belt had hurt, the words delivered afterwards had hurt more.

"And so my fear of fire was born…" The words were meant to be offhand, but they just came out sounding bitter. "Learning, over a century later, that fire is the only way to kill our kind didn't help." I closed my eyes, lost in memory. "Maybe my father was right and it's nothing more than I deserve." The last sentence came out unbidden, a fear I had carried with me for centuries but never voiced out loud.

"Carlisle." Esme's voice made me open my eyes once more. Timidly, she moved closer and linked her hands into mine, her slender fingers sliding into the gaps between my own. They were soft and warm and undeniably feminine. I couldn't help but be amazed by how snugly her smaller hand fitted inside my own. The only way of describing it was that it felt right.

"You're a good man," she told me forcefully. She lifted her own gaze from our interlocked eyes to stare into my eyes as she said the words, truly forcing her words across. "Your father was wrong. You don't deserve a fate like that, and you never did, nor will you ever. You've spent centuries, _centuries,_ working to save lives. You saved Edward and me. And never, never in all that time, have you killed someone, despite becoming a vampire." I looked down at our interlocked hands once more, unable to look her in the face and tell her she was wrong. But even as I tried to deny her words there could be no denying that my heart soared at them. Not just the words themselves, but to hear them uttered from her mouth.

"Carlisle?" Her voice was questioning, beseeching me to look at her. I had no choice but to do so and when I chanced a glance into her eyes I could tell that she had meant every word she had just said. _I don't deserve her kind words. _"You're a good man," she repeated, more fiercely this time. She squeezed my hands gently as she did so and my own automatically held on tighter.

"Thank you," I managed to choke the words out, so overcome with emotion I couldn't say anything else.

"What did you do? Once you woke up, I mean. Did you, did you know what you were?" she asked.

I nodded. "I knew what I was. Vampires had been one of the many demons my father had hunted after, and once he grew too old the duty fell to me. I, I couldn't order the deaths of innocent people like he did, but I found a true coven of vampires in the sewers of London. I had led the hunt for them. Once I'd been attacked, I knew what my father would do if he found me, so, fearing the fires of the stake, I forced myself to hide. I ended up in a cellar, under a pile of rotting potatoes. Only then did I realize I was condemning myself. Once I woke up … I was… disgusted by myself, and determined not to harm any humans." I stopped then, remembering what my plan to stop myself had been. It had only been a month since Esme had herself taken the same course of action I had attempted, I didn't want be so callous as to discuss my own attempts with her so shortly afterwards.

"What did you do then?" Esme asked quietly, noticing I had stopped.

"I, I found an alternative. Discovered I could live off animal blood instead."

"How? How did you find that out at first?" There could be no denying her insatiable curiosity.

"I hid in a cave, far away from humanity. By chance, a herd of deer went past me."

"Why were you hiding in a cave though? Were, were you hoping to die?" She whispered the last words as realization flickered in her eyes. "You were trying to kill yourself?" she murmured understandingly. Reluctantly, I nodded. "Why, why did you hid in a cave though? Were you hoping to starve to death? Wouldn't it have been simpler to jump…" Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath and swallowed carefully before continuing. "To jump of a cliff, or something?"

"I tried," I admitted softly. "But killing yourself as a vampire is near impossible. I'm thankful for that now though. I would never have got the family I now have if I'd been successful and there's nothing more I could ask for in this world."

"You were being unselfish," she murmured the words so quietly I barely heard them.

"Pardon?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm. Her reaction was frightening me. The look on her face was startling. It was a look of pure devastation.

"When I, I jumped, I did it for selfish reasons. I was just… unable to go on. You, you were trying to save others." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as though to steady herself, even though she no longer needed the air. Her eyes flickered open again. "I suppose I should tell you my story now," she commented sadly.

My curiosity was undeniably piqued, but I wasn't going to demand that she tell me.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," I said reassuringly.

"No. No, I need to." There was a short pause as she bite her lip nervously. She pulled her hands out of mine, much to my sorrow, and began twisting and turning them in her lap. Her knitting lay forgotten on the floor. Unwilling to push her, I waited until she was ready to start speaking.

"You know I jumped off the cliff because my son died, and I assume you know I was married." I nodded and cautiously took her hands in mine as she had done for me earlier. When she didn't pull them away I took that as a good sign and squeezed them gently, trying my hardest to be encouraging. "And I told you about my sister Grace, at the hospital?" I gave her another nod and another gentle squeeze. "I never wanted to get married and I got a job teaching at the local school. It was an idea I got because I used to teach Grace. I wanted to move west to teach, but in the end I decided I couldn't leave my sister behind. When I was twenty-two I lost my job, and just a few months afterwards the son of an old family friend proposed. I had no choice but to accept. I had no job, I knew my parents expected me too, and I still wanted to stay close to Grace. His name was Charles Evenson, and I barely knew him. Once we were married, I soon realized he was … he was not a nice man." Her words trailed of quietly but it was easy to understand what she was implying. Images of her scared human body filled my mind as her words confirmed what I had feared. I was filled with anger towards this vile man, this Charles Evenson, who could do such terrible things to someone like Esme. It was a foreign experience to me, never had a felt such hatred for one person.

She swallowed loudly before continuing. Her voice was still shaking slightly. "When I found out I was pregnant, I thought I had no option but to stay. But when we went to see my parents they, they told me they'd sent, sent Grace to an asylum." She started to sob then, uncontrollable sobs. I let go of her hands and instinctively pulled her into my arms, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"It was my fault," she sobbed into my shoulder. "They sent her because she overheard me when I told them about Charles. If I'd never gone to them, maybe she would still be alive. They'd never had sent her away, and she never would have died in that terrible place. And maybe, maybe if I'd never run away, then William would have survived. But now, now they're both dead, and it's all my fault."

"Ssshhh," I murmured soothingly. "It wasn't your fault. It was all out of your control. There was nothing you could have done."

"I should have tried, like you did. You save people on a daily basis, and I couldn't even save the two people who were most important to me."

"You did try. You protected your sister the best you could, against all odds. You ran away to protect your son from a violent father. You did the best you could." I tried to make my voice as sincere as possible, praying she would hear it and believe me. For a minute she didn't say anything, just continued to cry tearlessly into my shoulder. Then she pulled away, pushing herself out of my arms.

_Why is she doing that? Does she wish I would just leave her alone?_

"Why did you save me?" The question took me by surprise. _She was honest with me; I guess she deserves more honesty in return._

"I remembered you. From the hospital in Columbus. There, there was something special about you that I could never forget. I tried, thinking it wasn't safe for the both of us for me to think of you. But when I saw you in that morgue, nearly dead, I had to save you. I couldn't lose you … not again." She looked surprised at my words. I had probably scared her, basically admitting I had been obsessed with her. But the truth was out there now and I couldn't take it back.

"But why me? You must have treated hundreds, thousands, of people. What's so special about me?" Her question stopped me short. How could I possibly put into mere words the ways she was special? Before I could even begin to answer she began to sob again in earnest, as though she simply couldn't hold it back.

"Esme? Esme, what's wrong?" I called frantically. I scooted nearer to her on the sofa, wishing to pull her into my arms once more. Though her words were indiscernible among her sobs, I managed to catch the words 'broken' and 'spoiled'.

"No, no you're not, Esme." I couldn't resist anymore, unable to sit by uselessly and watch her cry, and pulled her back into the cradle of my arms. Much to my relief she didn't resist, beginning to sob into my shoulder like before. "

You are special," I said the words with conviction. "You are kind, loving, gentle, unselfish, caring, and I love you." The last three words spilled out of my mouth from nowhere. I had not meant to say it, had not even considered the possibility until now. But now I had said it I knew it was the absolute truth.

_I love her._

Just inches away from my own, her face looked at me in total confusion. It was not, however, the same look she had given me previously. Her large ruby eyes were searching me, as if to check I wasn't lying.

_What have I done? She is clearly upset, still recovering from everything that has happened to her, and I go and drop something like that on her. That was stupid, Carlisle. Selfish. Reckless._

A thousand apologies flew through my mind, but before I could speak a single one of them she moved. Her lips crashed against mine, and then there was nothing but her. The feel of her lips against mine, the intoxicating smell of roses and jasmine that solely belonged to her. My arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer. My mind struggled to comprehend that this was happening. That I was truly kissing Esme. It seemed to go on forever and I wished it would, but I felt her lips slowly part from mine and I reluctantly let them go.

"I love you, too." Her words were quiet, but my heart soared. "I never forgot you either. I used to daydream about you coming and rescuing me. And you did, in the end." She buried her face back into the crook of my neck and I rested my head gently on top of hers.

My mind was in a jubilant daze. _She loves me and she kissed me. She loves me and she kissed me. _The chant ran through my mind repeatedly, each time reminding me that it was true. That this really had just happened. I could not think anything more coherent.

I don't know how long we stayed like that - sat together on the sofa with my arms holding her tight against me. It could have been minutes, hours, days, or weeks. I didn't care. Both of us where too lost in our own thoughts to speak. My mind was reeling. I had found at last the one soul who completed me. Made me whole. And I had only just realized it.

"What do we do now?" Esme eventually asked into that the silence.

_That is a very good question. _

I had never felt this way before, and knew Esme hadn't either.

"Well, what were you doing before I arrived home and so rudely interrupted your morning?" I was surprised how easily the joking words came out, my awkwardness around her nearly forgotten.

"Trying to read, and then trying to knit."

"Trying?"

"I was distracted."

"By what?"

"You," she said, prodding me gently in the chest.

"Me? I wasn't even there?" I teased. She lifted her head up and narrowed her eyes playfully at me. I smiled softly at her. I had only very rarely seen this lighter side of her before and couldn't help but hope I would see it more now that all our feeling were out in the open.

"I had just realized I was in love with you, but I decided I couldn't possibly tell you."

"Clearly, that went well," I remarked. That earned me another tap on the chest.

"I prefer this outcome better," she admitted quietly.

"Me too," I murmured. This time I kissed her. It was just as good as the first time. I could do that forever – kiss Esme.

Once the kiss ended she pulled away from me and reached over the edge of the sofa. My body cried out at the loss of contact. She settled herself down on the sofa before passing me the book she had just picked up.

"Will you, will you read to me?" she asked shyly.

"There's nothing I'd like better, my dear," I told her, as I took the book and settled next to her, wrapping one arm around her shoulder. She snuggled into my chest.

As I began to read, I noticed from the corner of my eye the dying embers in the fireplace. How thankful I was she had decided to have a fire, for if she hadn't we would have probably spent more months dithering around each other, both afraid to admit their feelings to the others.

_I probably wouldn't have even realized I was in love with her for ages._

I may have feared it all my life, but in this one moment of time I was grateful towards fire. For as I sat reading to Esme, I felt like the happiest man alive.

_Indeed, I think I may be._

* * *

**Ooooooh! Bet a lot of you weren't expecting that. So everything's out in the open now, and the two of them have come to their senses :)**

**I'm particularly anxious to hear what everyone makes of this chapter. So please, leave me a review and share your thoughts, it would be much appreciated. **


	34. Waiting & Dreaming

1921

_Esme_

I tried to concentrate on the words Carlisle was saying as he read to me, but my mind was still reeling. I had told Carlisle everything, and, much to my surprise, he had not pushed me away in disgust, but instead had told me he loved me.

_He loves me._

With those three words, everything changed. I had planned to keep my feelings to myself, sure they would never been reciprocated. But miraculously they were. It felt unreal, like I was dreaming, even though I could no longer do so. It was all my girlish daydreams come true.

I tried again to concentrate on the words coming out of Carlisle's mouth, but my focus kept shifting. I was acutely aware of the closeness of his body, and his arm wrapped round my shoulder. As I tried yet again to focus on the words, I noticed instead the way his voice had a slight British tilt when he was reading out loud. Eventually, I gave up trying to listen, allowing his gentle voice to wash over me as I nestled myself against his chest.

I was so focused on Carlisle that I was taken completely by surprise by the sound of the front door opening. Carlisle stopped reading and both of us looked towards the doorway guiltily as Edward walked in.

Edward froze in the doorway. He stared at us, his eyes wide in shock. Unknowingly, I stopped breathing, waiting for him to say something. Perhaps I should have moved out of Carlisle's embrace to make things less awkward, but we were both frozen in position. Neither of us said anything, but Edward seemed to be staring at Carlisle, and I gathered Carlisle was probably talking to him mentally. I tried to control my own thoughts.

_What can I say? 'Oh, by the way, Edward, me and your father are in love,' doesn't exactly sound good._

A few more uncomfortable seconds ticked on, then Edward face broke into a smile and he gave a little chuckle.

"Sheesh, you go out for one afternoon," he muttered jokingly. I relaxed and I felt Carlisle do so too. "Your shift starts soon by the way," Edward told Carlisle and then he left to head upstairs.

"I suppose I best be getting myself ready," Carlisle said reluctantly.

"I suppose," I agreed, equally unenthusiastic. He removed his arm from around me, and I stood up off the sofa so he could stand. It felt weird, after being close to him for so long, to have any distance between us.

I wanted to ask if he had to go, but I knew that would be selfish of me. He was a doctor. He saved lives. That was a part of who he was. One of the reasons I loved him.

With one last smile in my direction; he headed up the stairs to his bedroom. I didn't know what to do with myself now. I found myself staring out the window, my mind still reeling with the events of the day. I ran them through my mind repeatedly, just to prove to myself that it had been real – that I hadn't imagined it.

I heard Carlisle's footsteps on the stairs and then I felt his arm around my waist.

"I wish you didn't have to go. I'll miss you," I admitted.

"I'll be back before you know it, I'll miss you too," Carlisle told me, lifting my face up to kiss me. Then he let go of my waist and walked out of the living room. I listened closely to the sound of the front door closing, then his rapidly quieter footsteps as he ran away from the house.

I sighed and looked out of the window again.

"We can go hunt if you want. On one condition, you promise to try your hardest to not think about kissing my father," Edward's voice broke through my reverie.

_Are you OK?_ I was worried the pair of us might have hurt Edward, not least considering how sudden it all had been. The poor boy most have been taken by surprise.

"Sudden for you, maybe. I can read minds remember," he joked, tapping his temple. I smiled slightly. Having access to our thoughts meant Edward had probably figured out was going on long before even of us had.

"I knew something odd was going on in Carlisle's mind, that was for certain. And your daydreams were none to subtle." I mock-glared at him, but admitted he was right.

"Of course I am."

"No one like a know-it-all, Edward," I told him jokingly.

"I can't help it," he said defensively.

_I know. I didn't mean to upset you, I was only joking._

"I know."

_Are you sure you're okay? This hasn't upset you at all?_

"Well, I could do without the mental pictures of what it's like when the pair of you kiss, but aside from that, no. You two belong together," he said the last part with conviction.

_Thank you, Edward._

"So, hunting?"

"I'd love to."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The moment we returned from our hunt I glanced at the clock in the hallway. I had tried to take my time while hunting, trying to stretch the hours out so I would have less time to wait once we returned home.

_Midnight. Still five hours to go._

I went upstairs and changed out of my blood-splattered clothes, even after a month I still think I got more blood on my clothes than down my throat. _OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but still._

I looked around the room, wondering what to do next. I noticed one of my dresses that I had ripped on a hunt a couple of days ago and began to sew it up with the thread and needle Carlisle had bought for me. I remembered when he had first bought me the sewing kit, and smiled at the memory. My distracted thoughts meant I wasn't paying enough attention to the needle. I gave up after the third broken needle, I just couldn't concentrate on something as unimportant as sewing.

Not sure what to do with myself now, I finally went downstairs to check the clock again.

_Half past midnight? Did I really only kill half an hour with my sewing?_

Going into the living room, I picked up the book Carlisle had been reading to me earlier. I attempted to read it, but it just reminded me of sitting in his arms. After reading the same sentence half a dozen times, I threw the book down with disgust. I collapsed backwards, and my movement sent up a wave of Carlisle's woodsy scent that still lingered in the fabric. I smiled and just enjoyed its aroma for a few seconds, while wishing I could be with Carlisle for real. I simply lay there for a while and my mind drifted to when I had been sat here last night. Carlisle's uttering those three words that meant so much. How I had leant forward and kissed him, because I had wanted him to know he had not upset me, that he had in fact made me happier than I could ever had imagined, that I loved him too, with all my heart. I savoured that moment, our first kiss, the feel of his lips on mine, so gentle and tender, and all the love I could feel in that moment. As he kissed me, and classical music played gently in the background. The music got louder and louder. _Wait, there was no music. _I opened my eyes, I was still sat on the sofa, but I was alone, and loud piano playing filled the house, showing the player's annoyance at my train of thought.

I walked back upstairs and down the hallway to Edward's room, and timidly knocked on the door.

"Come in, Esme," he called.

"Are you sure you're OK with this?" I asked quietly.

Edward sighed and the music stopped. "In theory, yes. In practise, please stop thinking about kissing my father."

"Sorry."

Edward chuckled. "I think that might be the first time you've ever apologised out loud." I gave a slight smile, still worried about if he was more upset than he was letting on.

"Do you mind if I sat in here and listen?" I asked.

"No, not all." I sat down on the edge of Edward's bed. I looked around curiously; I had never been in Edward's room before. Aside from the piano, the main feature of the room was a stack of records beside a gramophone.

I watched Edward's hands move across the piano keys with interest, pleased with something to distract me from counting down the minutes until Carlisle would come home. I started to fidget unnecessarily at the thought. I was really beginning to hate the waiting; it felt like I was going to jump out of my skin with impatience.

Edward stopped playing and sigh. "Would you like me to show you how to play?"

_I don't think I'll be very good._

"It might take your mind off of Carlisle for a while, and that would be good for both our sakes."

_Well, I suppose I have nothing better to do._ I walked over and sat beside Edward on the piano bench.

A while later I gave a frustrated sigh. "I'm afraid I'm not very good, Edward." I was surprised I wasn't testing Edward's patience with my sub-standard attempts at learning piano.

"It does take time, Esme."

"Well, I think I'll leave it to the experts for now," I told him fondly.

I went to check the clock in the hallway again. _Twenty minutes past one in the morning. Darn clock, can't it go faster?_

I went upstairs and tried to read a different book. I got about halfway through until the plot took a romantic twist and my thoughts instantly turned back to Carlisle. Knowing I would get no more reading done now, I threw the book down in disgust. I was tempted to go see what time it was, but I knew it would still be at least a couple of hours away from Carlisle's return at five in morning.

I collapsed onto the bed, wishing I could sleep and dream of Carlisle. Instead I did the next best thing, allowing my mind to drift yet again to the blissful afternoon we'd spent together. I was getting to the part where Carlisle kissed me for the second time when Edward's shout broke my train of thought.

"Esme!" he shouted exasperatedly.

_Sorry, Edward!_

Unable to contain myself any longer, I rushed down to the clock. _Ten minutes to three in the morning! Really? That's all?_

Walking back into living room, I saw my discarded knitting needles. _I could finish my unidentified wool object._

I had forgotten to factor in my minds tendency to wonder while I knitted. Halfway through re-running yesterday afternoon for the millionth time, Edward's voice again broke through my contemplation.

"Would you like to play a game of chess?" he asked. I was fairly certain he was just trying to distract me, not that I can blame him. It must have been uncomfortable for him, being forced to listen to my thoughts.

_Sorry, Edward! I know I'm not making this any easier for you!_

Edward just shook his head exasperatedly and sighed. "Do you want to play a game or not?"

"You cheat," I reminded him indignantly. He smirked slightly. "I promise I'll try my hardest not to."

Halfway through the game, I found myself remembering the games I had played with Carlisle. I smiled to myself, and then my thoughts unconsciously turned to our first kiss, as they had done all night.

Edward groaned. "Well, you've certainly found a good way to make me want to block your thoughts."

I smiled. "Maybe that will mean I actually win one."

"Or not." He moved his queen. "Checkmate," he announced with a smirk.

"Cheat," I teased as I moved to stand up. _What time is it now?_ Feeling more and more obsessive, I went to check the clock once more.

_Quarter to four in the morning. An hour and a quarter to go._

"Another game, Esme?" Edward called from the other room. _Well, since it past the time so quickly first time._

"I'd love to, Edward." I told him as I sat down again.

Halfway through the game, I heard Carlisle's footsteps approaching the house. _He must have finished early._

"You win," I told Edward even though the game wasn't finished, gently pushing the newly fixed king down.

He looked at me confused. "There's no footsteps, Esme. You're hearing things. I never knew it was even possible for vampires to do that."

I felt all my giddy anticipation drain out of me. I looked at the chessboard with disgust, not able to feel any excitement about the idea of playing another game. The only thing I had enjoyed all night was when I had been able to just sit down and think of Carlisle, but I couldn't do that without torturing Edward.

"You know, I was thinking I might go hunt for a few hours before going to college."

_But we hunted in the evening... oh! No, Edward, you don't have to leave._

"I just need to clear my head."

_Off my thoughts. No, Edward! I won't run you out of your own home._

"You're not." And with that he was gone.

I walked back over to the sofa and collapsed on it again, allowing Carlisle's still lingering, if only just, scent to wash over me. I closed my eyes, but this time I didn't think of what had happened yesterday, but what would happen once Carlisle came home. Would he kiss me again? We had all of eternity stretching ahead of us. I allowed myself to get lost in my daydream. A future of kisses, of Carlisle in a suit and me in a white dress, of days spent in happy household bliss.

"What you are up to, Mrs. Cullen?" Carlisle asked, curling his arm around my waist as he sat down next to me.

"Just a bit of sewing. You and Edward go through shirts like no one's business."

Carlisle chuckled. "Where is our son, anyway?"

"He was getting ready for college." Just then I heard footsteps on the stairs and Edward came into the room.

"I got to get going. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad."

"Bye, Edward," we both called together as he left. Soon his footsteps could no longer be heard. I turned my attention back to my husband. He was smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. I just love you so much," he whispered passionately. Gently, his lips brushed against me. A sensation I could never grow tired off. His arms around my waist, his lips on my mine.

"I love you too," I managed to whisper against his lips before joining them to my mine again.

"Esme? Esme?" Carlisle's voice was gentle, questioning. My eyes flew open. There he stood, looking at me in confusion.

"Carlisle!" I exclaimed excitedly.

He smiled. "Morning, Esme."

"Morning, Carlisle."

I stood up then, rushing forward to hug him before I could even think to stop myself.

"Carlisle," I whispered fervently, unable to believe he was really back. Those twelve hours had been torturously long.

"Esme," he said my name with equal fervour. I hesitated for a second before standing on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his.

"I love you," he murmured when the kiss finished, ghosting his lips across my forehead.

"I love you too," I replied.

A few seconds passed in comfortable silence, as I absorbed the fact he was truly home, and I was truly back in his arms for real, not daydreaming.

"Where's Edward?" he asked, looking around.

"He went for a hunt before college."

He picked up the book I had discarded earlier, the one he had read to my last night.

"Where did we get to?" he asked, thumbing through the pages. I stayed silent, not knowing since I had not really been concentrating on the story. "Here we are." I smiled happily as we got into the same embrace as before, laid together on the sofa. Carlisle began to read again, but again I couldn't listen to the words. I was too busy concentrating on the fact he was really lying next to me. I thought of my daydream, like so many of the daydreams I had had of Carlisle as a human, it was nothing than that, a daydream. If only for now. As I lay in Carlisle's embrace, I knew that the future I had always dreamed of was now possible, but for now I was happy to stay in the present. The two of us together.

"I love you." It was only when I noticed Carlisle's voice had cut off its reading I realized I had spoke out loud.

He smiled at me. "I love you too," he whispered before kissing me gently.

* * *

**Any thoughts on this chapter? I'd love a review!**

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**Thank you :)**


	35. Clouds

1921

_Carlisle_

I caught Esme's scent as I neared the house, and inhaled it happily. It was slightly embarassing just how much she had been on my mind recently, even at the hospital, where I should have been concentrating on my work, my thoughts always drifted back to her. Just yesterday I had been in the middle of an important surgery when suddenly Esme had popped into my mind, her sweet shy smile, and the taste of her soft gentle lips on mine. I had nearly cut the patient's artery I was so distracted. The head of surgery had given me a stern lecture afterwards, but it was nothing compared to the lecture I had given myself. But still I couldn't help myself.

_She loves me._ It had been a two weeks since she had first told me and I still struggled to comprehend it was true.

Her scent was drifting towards me from our backyard. We didn't have anything in the way of planted flowers, just unkempt grass and wild flowers opening up onto the forest – it was like an untamed meadow. I had never given it a second thought before today. It wasn't like either Edward or I had cared enough to do something as laborious as mow it. Gardening was hardly an interest for either of us.

_I wonder if Esme likes gardening? _There was so much I still didn't know about her, but finding out everything, and anything, I could was quickly becoming my newest hobby. She mesmerized me. Just little things, like the way she crossed her legs daintily, or the way her face screwed up when she was confused.

I couldn't help but stare at her for a second or two as I arrived on the fringes of the unruly meadow that was our backyard. She was just so beautiful. She was sat down in the grass. Her caramel curls were pushed wildly to one side, her back bent as she concentrated on the piece of paper in her hand, a pen I recognized from my office in her other hand. The long grass and wild flowers framed her form – it looked like a scene from an idyllic painting.

She looked up happily then, a wide smile adorning her face as she spotted me.

"Carlisle," she breathed. How I adored the way she said my name. The way her love for me caressed it, as though I had made her the happiest women alive simply by coming home. Could she truly feel that way? I had never felt so adored before. What had I done to deserve adoration? Especially from her?

I smiled back at her, and pulled one of the flowers off of the plant beside me. Quickly, I moved to sit beside her, flattening the grass under my weight. I offered her the flower, and she accepted it with a shy smile. If she had still been human I imagine she would have been blushing, the way she had when I first met her at the hospital. She fingered the flower gently, showing she had made amazing achievements in controlling her strength, as not a petal came off.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously, as I wrapped my arm around her waist, looking at the piece of paper in her hand. It appeared to be one of Edward's blank music sheets, upon which she had begun a sketch of our tree line over the straight lines that were printed on the page.

"I was bored and I wanted to draw, but I couldn't find any paper in the house aside from your work. So Edward offered me a piece of this before he left for school this morning." She shrugged gently, as though to suggest it was no big deal to her. I instantly decided I would buy her some proper paper and other art supplies as soon as possible. _Perhaps I can go after my shift tomorrow, it's due to finish earlier than last nights, so Edward will be here to keep her company. _Much as I hated the idea of being separated from her any longer than necessary, it would be worth it to make her happy.

_She likes to draw. _I added this new fact to my growing list. I hoped to one day know everything there was to know about her. Each time I added a new item to my list, my fascination grew. Each new observation led to a million new questions. _Did she draw as a_ _child? What did she like to draw the most? Landscapes? Or was it just that that was all there was around her when she began?_

"And I borrowed a pen," she added quickly. _Does she honestly think that'd bother me?_ I hated how she felt the need to placate me sometimes, as if I would snap at her over something as trivial as a pen. But I knew it was not her fault, and that only time and patience could prove to her that I was not like him.

"That's fine." I told her. "And that's a very nice sketch." She smiled gently, but in a way that suggested she didn't believe the sincerity of my words. I knew it would be a long journey until she fully got her self-esteem back, and not just over small things like a sketch, but I was determined to help her every step of the way.

She placed the piece of paper down in the grass, using the pen to weigh it down.

"What can I say, I like trees," she told me playfully. It made me joyous that she could be so comfortable around me at times. That she could smile and joke in a way that reminded me of the sixteen-year-old girl who hid up a tree with her sister so that they could hide from their mother and her sink of dirty dishes.

"Really? I didn't know that," I replied in mock surprise. She smiled fondly at me. "I had patient once who loved to climb trees, not so sure she loved them after she fell out of one though."

"If she had you as a doctor, I'm sure she was more than happy with the outcome," she retorted back. Her delicate hand reached out to clasp my own. "I love you," she whispered softly.

"And I love you," I whispered back passionately. She let go of my hand and placed both arms around my neck, as I placed my spare hand on her waist. She pulled my head down towards her. For one second of delicious anticipation her lips hovered before mine, then our lips finally sealed themselves together. Then there was nothing in this world but her, the feel of her lips and the narcotic scent of roses and jasmine that surrounded me.

"I've been wanting to do that all night," she admitted shyly as our lips separated.

"Me too," I admitted. _To the point where I'm becoming a danger to my patients._

"You know, I must have climbed that tree hundred of times as a child and not fallen. But the one time I could have done with not falling … I end up with a broken leg. Not that I'm complaining, since it brought me to you," she murmured the last part against my chest, as she snuggled into it, and I held her close. I had her, and she had me, and that was all that mattered now – not the how, and what had happened beforehand.

"What else did you do as a child?" I asked gently, intrigued, as always, to find out all there was to know about her. She screwed her face up, concentrating. I knew she was struggling to remember her human life. My own, aside from the odd blurry memory, was nothing more than the feeling of condemnation, and the deadly cackle of fire combined with a lingering feeling of fear. But I hoped to encourage her to remember the happier moments of her human life, so it would be these that were most poignant in her memory, in place of all she had suffered since I left her behind a decade ago.

"I used to cloud gaze in our backyard," she told me reminiscently. She collapsed backwards into the grass. With a smile, I lay down to the left of her. My right hand searched for her left one, and my heart swelled with happiness when I found it and she gave a little contended sigh.

"What do you see?" she asked. I turned my attention to the sky. It was only partially cloudy today, but for the moment a fairly large cloud was blocking the sun. Though I knew it was slightly risky, we were miles away from Ashland, and we would hear any incoming humans well before they could possibly catch a glimpse of us. It was worth the risk to lay here like this with Esme.

"You see that one there, Carlisle, the one that looks like a cow?" she asked me excitedly, pointing at the sky. Her excitement was incredibly gratifying for me. I peered at the cloud she was pointing at. It simply looked like a cloud to me. "Or that one," she began animatedly. "What do you think it looks like? To me it looks like … um like a … m …m" her words trailed off sadly. Panicked, I sat up as quickly as possible, so that I could look at her properly.

"Esme?" I questioned softly, trying to hide my confusion. _We were having a perfectly nice moment, what has upset her? Was it something I did? Or something in the clouds?_ I began scanning the sky again, searching for the offending cloud, but I still could see nothing more than just plain old clouds.

Esme sat up next to me. "It looked like a mother holding a baby," she admitted miserably. Her shoulders began to shake as she started to sob, and she wiped at her eyes despite the fact that they would never produce tears again. I placed my arm around her gently, and pulled her close, kissing her forehead. I wished there was something I could do to help her, to take her pain away, but it was beyond my power.

"Carlisle," she whispered, after several minutes of silent sobbing into my shoulder while I rubbed her back comfortingly. She wasn't looking at me, but at her hand, which was nervously pulling up the grass nearest to it. "Will I … will I ever be able to …" she trailed off miserably, but I knew what she had wanted to ask. I wished with all my heart I had a different answer to give to her.

"Our kind can't have children," I told her gently. "I'm sorry."

She nodded solemnly. "I thought as much," she admitted dejectedly. "But I still had to ask. So we … we could never have children?" I shook my head sadly. I saw in my mind's eye, for just a moment, a small blond boy and a young smiling girl with caramel curls - miniature versions of Esme and me. But I shook my head to clear the vision. It could never happen. But the fact that Esme would think about, not just having another child, but having our child, it meant more to me than I could say. But alas, it would never happen, no matter how much we both wished for it. Up until now I had never given much thought to the fact that vampires are infertile. After all, if we wished to create a new one of us, we simply changed a human. But now it felt like I had lost something, even though I had never thought to mourn for it before Esme had arrived in my life and turned everything upside down.

"I'm sorry. I've ruined our nice morning," she said apologetically.

"There's no need to be sorry, love. It's good for us to talk about these things. Never be afraid to talk to me, Esme." I hoped she would hear the sincerity in my words.

"So what did you see?" she asked me. It was an obvious attempt to change topics, but I wasn't going to say anything. If she wished to talk to me about William, then I would listen as soon as she was ready. I didn't, however, understand her question.

"See what?"

"In the clouds. What did you see?" I looked up at the sky again, hoping to be struck with some sort of enlightenment that could provide me with an intelligent, witty answer. But no such luck, they still looked like clouds to me. Or perhaps sheep.

"Looks like lots of sheep to me," I told her. _Wait, that's my intelligent, witty answer?_

Esme's face screwed up in confusion. _She's probably wondering whatever happened to the smart, refined Dr. Cullen._

"What are sheep?" she asked.

"You don't know what sheep are?" I asked incredulously, she shook her head. "Didn't you keep any on the farm?" She paused for a moment, and then shook her head again.

"They're farm animals. You get loads of them in the British countryside. They're really woolly, which sort of makes them look like clouds. But with legs. And a head." I stopped talking, realizing I was making a prize idiot out of myself. Esme giggled. The sound of that happy giggle was well worth making a fool out of myself.

"Can you draw me one?" she asked, passing me the music paper and the pen. _Ah, that could be a problem. _Drawing was not one of my strong points. Ask me to perform a technical surgery, and my hands could perform the task with precision and accuracy. Give those same hands a pen and some paper and ask them to draw however, and they failed me miserably. I knew a lot about art and its history. Had studied it at university, and had gather together quite an impressive collection over the centuries. But I was, without a doubt, an enjoyer of art, not a creator.

I flipped the piece of paper over, so as not to ruin Esme's sketch. Deciding to not even attempt a proper sketch, I drew a standard symmetrical cloud, added four stick legs, and a slightly too small blob for a head. I couldn't fit the dots for the eyes and nose, and the line for the mouth, inside the head properly, so it ended up all squashed up. I imagine the children Esme used to teach could have done a better job. Peering over my shoulder, Esme giggled again. _Definitely worth making a fool out of myself._

"I never said I could draw," I said, half defensive, half joking. She gasped in pretend shock.

"And here I was thinking you were perfect in every way. Perhaps you should stick with medicine, Dr. Cullen," she told me with mock seriousness. The effect was somewhat ruined by the huge smile on her face. When she smiled widely like that she had dimples. They were simply adorable. Without thinking about it, I leaned in and kissed one of them. She looked at me questioningly, but her smile became even more amused, and her dimples deepened.

"Sorry, just when you smile like that, you have dimples." _And I'm an idiot._

I waited for her to say something, but instead she leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You have a cute button nose," she informed me, tapping the spot she just kissed with her finger. "It's my fourth favorite part of your face."

"Only fourth?"

"Well, third is your eyes, but it would be weird if I kissed those." Immediately, I closed my eyelids hopefully, and I felt her lips ghost across both of them. Then I felt her lips skim across mine, before she kissed me again, and once more the rest of the world ceased to exist. She pulled away, to soon for my liking, but I let her decide, scared to push anything on her.

"Your lips are second," she told me.

"So what's first?" I asked curiously, I genuinely had no idea what her first choice would be. She smiled at me.

"The fact that it's your face." I kissed her this time, as though the mere act could wash away the decade of pain she had suffered in my absence.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. I don't think she realized how true that was.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. All that matters is we're here now. Together."

"Forever," I promised, and I kissed her again.

Her attention turned back towards the sky. "Look," she exclaimed excitedly, pointing skywards once more, "isn't it just perfect timing?" I squinted at the clouds, trying to see what she did. Nope, nothing more still than just clouds_. _"Can't you see it?" she asked, sounding slightly worried. I concentrated even more, willing myself to see what she did.

"To be honest, darling, it looks like a cloud to me," I admitted.

"Look closely. What do you see?"

"Um … a legless, headless sheep?" I joked, hoping my uselessness hadn't upset her. Thankfully, she giggled slightly.

"I thought it looked more like a love heart," she admitted softly. Her spare hand that wasn't clutching mine had gone back to pulling up the grass again. She had an impressive pile growing beside her.

"Ah, then indeed, you are right. It's perfect," I told her. She smiled happily and snuggled further against my chest as I kissed her forehead gently.

I heard the recognizable sound of my son approaching, and caught his scent on the wind. Reluctantly, I removed my hands from around Esme's waist, and she shifted away so that there was a more proper distance between us. Of course, Edward had already probably seen more than he would have liked to in both our minds, but there was no need to make things even more uncomfortable for him. The change in my relationship with Esme had taken us all by surprise, though probably Edward least of all come to think of it.

Esme picked up the pen and paper and started sketching again. She hummed happily to herself. It was a tune I recognized, as Edward had played it on his piano last night at Esme's request. It was one of the happiest tunes I think I'd ever heard him play. Making me note yet another positive effect she was having on both our lives.

_She has made us a proper family. _The thought came from nowhere, but I knew it was true. Edward may have finally allowed me to call him my son, but we hadn't been a true family, not without Esme. She completed me, and maybe she could one day be the mother figure Edward was missing in his life.

The sound of the front door closing pulled me from my thoughts. I quickly swapped my attention to reviewing my latest cases at the hospital, but I feared it was a wasted effort. Chances are Edward had already heard my earlier thoughts.

"How's your sketch going, Esme?" my son called as he walked out the front door. I didn't miss that he hadn't greeted me, suggesting he had indeed heard my thoughts earlier.

Esme looked up and smiled sweetly at him. "Fine, thank you. And thank you again for the paper."

Edward had reached where the two of us sat now, and he shrugged. "It's just a piece of paper, Esme," he said dismissively. It was rather disconcerting for me being sat down on the floor and having to look up at my son who loomed over me. I noticed a small smile play at Edward's mouth as I thought that.

"I think I am finished for now," Esme announced. She stood up to leave, and so did I, glad to be standing now in the presence of my son. Edward was peering with interest at the back of the music sheet in Esme's hand. _Oh uh, my sheep. _He began to laugh in earnest then.

"So drawing is not my strong point," I said defensively. Esme smiled fondly and flipped the sheet over to look at my crudely drawn sheep.

"Esme was right, Carlisle, you really should stick to medicine," Edward teased.

"How about you do that. I'll stick to drawing, and Edward sticks to music," Esme said soothingly.

Edward snorted. "Well let's be honest, the last thing you'd want is either of us in the middle of a hospital."

"I think that sounds like a perfect plan, darling," I told Esme.

"I'm going to keep this," she murmured.

"The pair of you will never let me live this down for all of eternity, now will you?" I muttered.

"No," they both replied simultaneously. _Darn sheep!_ However, as Esme laughed and Edward smiled crookedly, it was impossible to remain cross. My two family members where happy, who cared if it was at my expense?

"I was thinking we could go hunt, if you wished, Esme?" Edward asked. "Since Carlisle's not working tonight we could perhaps all go?" Esme nodded, then looked at me.

"That sounds like an excellent plan, Edward."

"I'll go get changed," Esme announced, and then she disappeared inside the house.

_Edward, about earlier-_

"Don't," Edward cut me off, the happy look slipped off his face "You know I love Esme, not the same way you do obviously, but still I … I just can't … not yet."

_I understand._

"Anyway, I can't really have a serious conversation with you right now." The crooked smile was returning to his face. "Not since you a) just drew that sheep, and b) have flower petals in your hair." His smile was more of a smirk now.

I glared at my son as I quickly ruffled my hair with my right hand, and indeed several flower petals fell out. _Huh, must have got there when I was lying down in the grass._

A thought occurred to me. "Edward?" I asked. "What do you see in the clouds?"

He squinted at the sky for a few seconds before replying. "They're just clouds, Carlisle." _So it isn't just me then. _Edward rolled his eyes in his signature gesture, and then he followed Esme back into the house. I smiled happily to myself before following the pair of them.

_Who cares if I made a fool of myself? I did it in front of family. _To be able to think the words 'my family' was an unbelievable treasure.

* * *

**Slight fluff with a little bit of seriousness thrown in. Any thoughts? I'd love a review :)**

**Two quick points: 1) This story had been nominated for a 'Bring Me to Life' Award – The Passionate Women Award. I'd love it if you went over to www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com and voted. Thank you.**

**2) I'm taking part in the Fandom Gives Back auctions in support of Alex's Lemonade Stand. Auctions don't start till the 26****th****, but I seriously suggest you go have a look at what's being auctioned as it's for an amazing cause. You buy certain authors (myself included) to write a story for you, as well as other twilight items, such as signed memorabilia etc. www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com**


	36. Mistakes

1921

_Esme_

It had been two months since Carlisle and I had declared our love for each other. Those two months had been, without a shadow of a doubt, the best of my entire life. I felt that at last my life had come together. I had Carlisle, who I loved with all my heart, and Edward, who was like a dear little brother to me. Though I still mourned the loss of both William and Grace, using the rare moments when I was alone to curl up on my bed and cry my grief out, I had accepted that Carlisle had been right when he told me I had done the best I could for them.

It was one of the rare nights where all three of us would hunt together. We had just finished our hunt and were about to return home.

"Race you home," Edward called challengingly as he loped over to where Carlisle and I stood. I smiled affectionately at him.

"You really can't wait until Esme's newborn year is over, can you now, son?" Carlisle commented from beside me, causing me to smile even more.

"Humph," was all Edward had to say before racing through the trees. I was about to set off after him, put instead of letting go off my hand, Carlisle clutched on tighter. Though of course I could have pulled myself free with my superior strength, I had no desire to do so.

"Why don't you let Edward win for a change," he suggested, before pulling me closer to him. Without hesitation his lips pressed themselves against mine, while his arms wrapped round my waist and pulled me closer. My eyes closed as I lost myself to the sensation, trailing my hands through his hair. Though are kisses had become increasingly less chaste over the last few months, this was something new once more. More fiery and more passionate somehow. His tongue grazed against my lips, and I felt my mouth open and his tongue enter. Just then I felt something hit my head.

"Ow!" I said on reflex, though it hadn't actually hurt. I looked into the sky and saw a bird flying away.

"I think a branch just fell on my head," I said with a giggle. I looked at Carlisle, who was stood several feet away, looking at me with guilt written all over his face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me." He looked down at the ground as he said it, as though he couldn't bear to hold my graze. Thoroughly confused, I walked over to where he stood. When he still didn't look up, I gently took one of his hands and placed it between both of my own. I hated watching him beat himself up about things he shouldn't be ashamed off

"Carlisle, it wasn't your fault. It was just an odd coincidence." He refused to met my gaze still. "Kiss me like that again," I ordered. He looked at me, confused.

"What? Esme, I couldn't," Before he could finish I was kissing him again, but I could tell he wasn't responding properly this time, he wasn't allow himself to enjoy it.

"Carlisle, you're not going to hurt me," I insisted.

"Come on, let's go home," he said.

"Carlisle," I growled, annoyed.

"Please Esme. Let's just go home." I sighed, realizing I was going to get anywhere.

"I'll race you," I said in an attempt to lighten the melancholy mood that still hung over us. To my relief, he laughed slightly.

"That would hardly be a fair race," he told me.

"True. But since I didn't get to beat Edward, I'll have to settle for beating you instead." With that I let go of his hand and began dashing through the forest.

I was about halfway home when the scent hit me. It was delicious, so much more tempting than the deer we had drank from. Even though I had only hunted an hour ago, my throat burned raw. I had to cool it, and the scent called me forward, promising to do just that. I did not make a conscious decision to start following the pull of the scent, but I found myself doing so all the same. Running at my full newborn speed, I came closer and closer to that wonderful scent.

"Esme?" I heard Carlisle's panicked voice in the background, but I did not give it any thought except to register that he was too far away to catch me. Whatever this scent belonged to it - it was mine. I would not have him steal my prize.

Finally coming across my prey, I jumped and attacked without giving it a second thought. I began sucking gleefully as the most delightful elixir began pouring down my throat. Once I had finished I noticed with joy that the burn in my throat had fully gone out for the first time. My joy turned to horror as my gaze fell on the drained human corpse at my feet. It was a man, his brown eyes lolled in his head, and at his neck was a horrific scar, like a bear or something had mangled him.

_I did that! I killed him!_

I recoiled in horror away from the corpse, giving a slight whimper. In the background I could hear Carlisle's footsteps and his shouts coming ever closer.

_Carlisle!_ I couldn't face him. I couldn't look into the face I loved so much and tell him what I had done. That I had let him down.

So I ran. With my newborn speed I still had an edge on Carlisle, as I had proved earlier. My mind was frenzied. Full of disgust at what I'd done, shame for the pain my actions would surely cause Carlisle, and yet a part me of me couldn't help but note how nice it was to no longer have the nagging burn at the back of my throat.

I remembered the way Carlisle had acted earlier after the incident with the kiss, as if he had something to be ashamed off. _How could he ever think that? I'm the one who never deserved him. I most certainly just proved that!_

I kept running until I came out of the forest, and found myself stood at a cliff edge. It was not the same cliff I had thrown myself off three months previously, but the circumstances were eerily similar. Running through the forest aimlessly, ending up unexpectedly at a cliff-edge. Except this time I couldn't jump to end the pain that coursed through me.

I could hear vampire footsteps running, coming ever closer. I couldn't be bothered to run this time; I had nowhere to run to. I had to face what had happened. What I'd done.

_Will Carlisle no longer love me?_

* * *

**EXAMS ARE OVER! That aside, same two points as last time. If you didn't read them last time, then please do. If you have read them before then feel free to skip this A/N (preferably to scroll down to the review button to leave your thoughts on this chapter, hint hint. Oh yeah, I'm subtle).**

**1) This story had been nominated for a 'Bring Me to Life' Award – The Passionate Women Award. I'd love it if you went over to www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com and voted. Thank you.**

**2) I'm taking part in the Fandom Gives Back auctions in support of Alex's Lemonade Stand. Auctions don't start till the 26th, but I seriously suggest you go have a look at what's being auctioned as it's for an amazing cause. You buy certain authors (myself included) to write a story for you, as well as other twilight items, such as signed memorabilia etc. www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com**


	37. Impromptu Proposal

1921

_Carlisle_

"Esme," I whispered as I walked toward her. I was so relieved to have found her. Panic had filled me from the minute I had smelled the hiker's scent, knowing Esme would have done the same. I had followed her in the desperate hope I might be able to get to her in time to stop her, even though in my heart I had known it was fruitless wish. She was a newborn, and much faster than me – as she had already proved on many occasion. But still I followed her at my top speed, all the while chastising myself for allowing her to run ahead without anyone with her. It was a foolish mistake on my part, and now my sweet, gentle Esme would pay for it. I knew in her rational mind she had no desire to kill anyone, but her instincts would guide her to do exactly that. She would have the guilt of someone's death on her conscience for all eternity – she would have to suffer for my blunder. For in usual circumstance I would not have allowed her to run alone through the forest, for this exact reason. But in that moment I had been so consumed with guilt for what I'd done. I had so very nearly lost control with her. I was supposed to be the one with exceptional self-control, yet I had not been able to control my own desires enough to be gentle to her, as I should have. All my worst fears were confirmed the moment she mumbled in pain. My errors were stacking up, one on top of the other, but, due to the inherent unfairness of the world, it would be Esme, my kind, loving Esme, who would suffer the consequences. So I continued to follow her, knowing she would need me to fall back on when she realized what she had done, and determined to right at least some of my wrongs.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked. She began sobbing and automatically went to brush the tears away, even though she could never produce tears again.

Without a word, I enfolded her in his arms, stroking her shoulders in a comforting manner as she sobbed.

"Why are you still here?" she asked me finally. _What did she mean? Of course, I was still here. _

I felt my face screw up in confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked softly.

"I mean, why are you still here after what I did?" _Did she think I would leave her? As if I could ever do that. 'After what she did'? What about what I did?_

A million explanations flew through my mind, but I finally settled for repeating the words I had said earlier. "Because I love you, Esme Platt. I love you more than I can say."

"You deserve someone better. Someone who doesn't kill people," she persisted to argue. _How can I show her she is all I deserve and more? That I will never desire anyone but her?_

"It was a mistake, love," I said comfortingly. "And you're wrong. I don't deserve someone better than you. For me, there is no one better than you."

"I find that difficult to believe." She seemed unable to believe the truths I told her, persevering with her self-doubt. I had to make her see sense, see that I loved her. That I always would.

"I love you and I always will. For all of eternity. And I hope that one day, you'll be my wife." I paused then, as I realized the truth of the words I'd just spoken. "Marry me, Esme. Make me the happiest I've ever been or could ever wish to be" She looked at him in shock. For one dreadful second, I thought she would say no.

"What?" she managed to squeak out.

"Marry me," I whispered again. If my heart could still beat it would have been thumping at a million miles a hour, as I waited nervously for her reply.

"Yes," she sobbed back, "I love you too," she whispered and then she kissed me. Her arms held onto my neck tightly as she pulled me close. This kiss was different to all the rest, more emotional, as I tried to work out if she meant it, if she truly wished to stay with me for all eternity.

"That's good to know," I replied with a chuckle, once she had let go of possession of my lips, trying to hide all the anxiety behind the joke.

A flood of emotions filled me. I wanted to be happy, after all, Esme had just agreed to be my wife. But how could I celebrate when a man was dead. How could I be joyous about my own engagement when somewhere out there a women had lost her husband, and a family had lost their father.

_How can I have used this tragedy for my own gain? I have pounced upon Esme at her lowest moment and exploited her. But why? Why have I done something so selfish?_ As I thought about it the answer became glaringly obvious. I had feared she would leave, feared the human blood would have tempted her to betray our diet, or, more likely, that her own guilt would cause her to push herself away from me, and so I had clung onto her like a dying man on a life raft. Because I couldn't lose her, I just couldn't.

"Carlisle?" Esme's gentle voice broke through my wallowing.

"Come on, love, let's go home," I said gently. Together, we ran through the forest until we arrived outside our home. Esme started to walk towards the house, but I stopped. There was a body that needed cleaning up. But more to the point, I couldn't face Edward, not yet. Not when I had just performed the ultimate act of selfishness.

"Go inside, love. I'll be back shortly." Her brow furrowed in confusion. I didn't wish to elaborate on where I was going.

"I'll be back as soon as possible," I promised her. I gave her a gentle kiss before running back into the forest. I needed a moment alone. A moment to clear my head and sort my thoughts out without Edward around. Plus, something really would have to be done about that body – the evidence of mine, not Esme's, failure.

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**Not exactly the cheery, romantic proposal I'm sure you were all hoping for (dont't worry that comes next chapter!)**

**I'm sure the majority of you have read these two notes by now - but in case anyone hasn't, here they are again. If you have read them then please scroll past them to the review button. What did you make of Carlisle's reaction and proposal? I'm a little anxious about how this chapter will be viewed, so a review would be greatly appreciated.**

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	38. Doing Things Properly

**This chapter was updated on 26/03/2011.**

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1921

_Esme_

I watched Carlisle run away from the house in utter complexion. I felt my stomach drop at the thought of being without him. Now I was no longer in his presence, the full horror of what I had done impounded on me.

_I've killed someone! I've killed someone!_ The fact shook me to my core. Before today, I would have thought it impossible, despite their many warnings on the true nature of vampires. I was not a killer. I would never murder anyone! And yet I had – that fact was indisputable.

"Esme?" Edward's worried voice brought me out of my self-pitying thoughts. "Oh, Esme," his tone was sympathetic, not the anger I deserved.

"No, no, you don't," he told me reassuringly. His attempts to comfort me caused my composure to break once more, and I began to sob.

"Where…where did Carlisle go?" I managed to ask.

"He went to…to…clean up." It took a few seconds for me to gather the true meaning behind his sugar-coated words, and once I did I only began to cry harder. My mind kept repeating everything that had happened, the man's death, my frenzied running, and Carlisle's proposal.

"Carlisle…proposed?" Edward's voice was questioning, shocked. _Not that surprising, I was shocked myself. _It was still impossible for me to imagine that he loved me, never mind wanted to marry me.

"Erm…congratulations?" Edward's words sounded forced, and the way he worded it was like he wasn't sure if he should be offering congratulations or not.

_No wonder he's confused. He's probably wondering why on Earth Carlisle would propose to a murderer. But why would he? Maybe it was just a hasty decision, designed to stop me from running off, and killing more people. Perhaps that's why he had run off – he knows now he's made the wrong decision. He doesn't love me after all, and who can blame him?_

"No, Esme, he does. If there's one thing you should be certain of it's that Carlisle definitely loves you." Edward was squinting at the tree line where his father had disappeared.

"I'm … I'm going to go inside," I told him. I needed a minute alone – even if I wouldn't be truly alone. "

It was only once I was upstairs in my bedroom that I allowed the full horror of what had occurred to wash over me. What I had done. I couldn't clear the image of the man's brutalised corpse from my mind.

Yet, even while I recoiled in horror from the image, I couldn't help but fixate on the lushness of his blood. Its aromatic scent seemed to be all around me still – so tempting and fragrant that nobody could deny themselves it.

With disgust, I realized the scent was actually emitting from me. Some of his blood was still splattered across my dress. Some animalistic instinct called on me to lick it off, to enjoy every last drop.

By the time I had processed this reaction, my sleeve was already at my mouth, my tongue quickly licking up the last few precious remaining drops of my ill-gotten treat.

Shame washed over me and yet I did not stop until I was finished.

My mind was already processing how much blood remained on the dress, and I quickly began to undress, paying no concern to the ripping of the fine garment.

"Throw it on the fire, Esme," Edward advised quietly from downstairs.

That one sentence was enough to bring me temporarily back to sanity and I acted on his order quickly before I could depart from it again.

The tatters of my dress were quickly flung onto the cold coals – for I never had a fire nowadays since learning of Carlisle's phobia.

However, it did not take me long to light it and I watched transfixed as the blue fabric slowly charred.

It had been a present from Carlisle, given to me only two days ago.

_And how thoughtfully I've shown my gratitude_, I thought despairingly

I did not want to think of Carlisle anymore, for then I would have to think about his return. The truth would no doubt of impacted on him the same way it had on me in the time since our separation, and he would realize the hastiness and stupidity of his proposal.

This morning, I would have been over the moon at the idea of being engaged to him, but now I realized the idiocy of that idea. The foolishness of the mere notion that someone like him could love someone like me.

Trying desperately to distract myself from my own thoughts, I turned my attention to the remains of my clothing. In my desperation to remove my dress, I had managed to rip my undergarments as well. Having no desire to keep their ragged remains as a reminder of what I had done today, I ripped them off and they joined the godforsaken dress on the fire.

Some still rational part of my mind recognized my very apparent need to go over to my wardrobe and dress myself once more, but I cringed away from the idea. For inside that wardrobe were any number of items of clothing that had been purchased for me by Carlisle, just like the dress that now burned in the fire with a dead man's blood on it. I had no wish to soil their clean, fresh presence with my polluted skin. Everything about me was tainted now.

The shameful act I had committed was enough to remind me of what I truly was. I was useless, a burden, a worthless piece of junk. Every insult Charles had ever thrown at me was true.

I tried to tell myself that none of what I was thinking was true, for the very last thing I wanted was to get myself into that mindset again, but every time I tried I could never even finish the thought, for I ended up reminding myself about what I had done and what it meant.

My legs had collapsed from underneath me, and I was now huddled in a ball on the floor. My arms were cuddled around my legs, pulling them as close to my chest as possible, and I dry-sobbed into my knees. I wished real tears could fall, for it seemed this was a tragedy worthy of them. I wanted my cheeks to go wet and for my eyes to become puffy. So that my now always perfect face would show my despair truly.

I felt trapped inside this body. Outwardly, I could show no sign of the imperfections that were on the inside of me.

I dragged my nails through my naked calves frenziedly, trying to leave a mark, trying to cause pain. Attacking my body because in this very moment of time I hated it more than anything.

I stopped as the image of the same calf with a large scar down it came to mind. I had cut it as a human on the corner of the coffee table in Charles' living room, as I tried to run away from him. My body had once been riddled with similar scars, that, in my lowest moments, I had considered proof that I was valueless. I could not allow myself to fall into that mindset again, I told myself once more. Yet I could fell myself slipping into it all over again. And I had no one to blame but myself this time. It was easy to foster the blame on Charles for how I had felt as a human, but I would never even attempt to try and accuse Carlisle or Edward of any fault towards me. What had happened today was undeniably all my doing.

_Maybe it was me all along then._

I tried to focus my thoughts elsewhere. I was well aware of how bizarre I must have looked: a naked, sobbing woman, crouched in a ball in the middle of her bedroom. Yet, I could not make myself get up. The grief was still coursing through me and the mere act of standing up seemed impossible under the weight of it all.

There could be no denying that I deserved this, this gut wrenching combination of disgust and anguish. My revulsion over the atrocious act of murder I had committed. My fears over losing Carlisle. I truly deserved every stab of nauseating pain, each prickle of fear and agonizing wave of grief. I was a justified recipient of them all. If Carlisle truly had left me, there could be doubt he was more than justified in doing so. I was weak, a monster, unworthy to stand at his side. What right did I have to happiness when I had taken a man's life? How could I become Carlisle's wife when another wife may have lost her husband because of me?

I had no idea how long I sat there sobbing and struggling with my own self-hatred, until I heard the door open and close downstairs, and the familiar scent of Carlisle filled my senses. _He's home, what now?_

I heard Edward's voice whispering furiously at his father, but I didn't bother to catch the words. Their heated one-ended discussion came to a close and I heard the sound of Carlisle's footfalls on the stairs.

"Esme?" his soft voice called, following the sound of his gentle knock on my door.

For a few seconds, I didn't reply. I had to get up. I had to get up, get dressed, and face Carlisle. I knew this was undeniably true and had to be done. There was no way around it. I had to face up to what I had and accept the consequences.

But I didn't want to.

"Esme?" he called again, more frantically this time.

"Wait, wait a minute," I finally managed to reply shakily.

Finally standing up, I moved to the wardrobe in a dream-like state. After the onslaught of emotion I had just experienced, I now felt numb.

I stared at the clothes for awhile, none of them seemed suitable. They were all too exquisite, too delicate and beautiful for someone as impure as me to wear.

I was acutely aware of Carlisle's presence outside my door. I shouldn't be keeping him waiting. He probably just wanted to get this conversation over and done with.

At that thought, the grief nearly overrode me once more and I had to fight off another wave of sobbing.

Forcing my attention back towards the clothes in my wardrobe, I finally settled for an old dress of mine from when I had been human, heavily darned after being worn on many of my early hunting trips. It looked shabby besides all the lovely new dresses Carlisle had purchased for me which seemed fitting enough.

I quickly threw the dress on, forgoing any sort of undergarment. What did sensibilities like that mean anymore? Monsters didn't care about corsets.

"Come in," I called unsteadily.

_Is the moment where he tells me he wants me to leave? That I don't belong here._

He opened the door cautiously, peering around it as he evaluated me.

"Are you OK?" he asked gently, and there was no denying that he sounded genuinely concerned. There was no anger. No hated or disgust. _What did I ever do to deserve a man like him?_

I nodded, unable to speak for surely I would start sobbing all over again. I didn't move from where I was stood in front of my still open wardrobe.

"Esme?" His voice betrayed the fact that he knew I was lying.

"I…I killed someone. I really killed someone," I said frantically, unable to stop my voice from quaking and my shoulders from shaking. I felt like my legs would fall from underneath me (even though that was probably impossible with my new stealthy body) and I stumbled blindly towards my bed as the sobs began once more.

"Shhhh, everything's going to be OK. It wasn't your fault." Carlisle came to sit next to me, wrapping me in his arms. It was my safe place, the place where everything felt all right. But I didn't deserve to be comforted. I didn't deserve love. Who was consoling that poor man's widow? Who would reassure his children that everything was going to OK? And how could they ever believe that person, now that their father had been cruelly taken away from them?

Unwilling to accept his delightful comfort anymore, I stood up again, leaving Carlisle sitting alone on the bed. I turned to stare out the window. My own reflection stared back at me for the first time since I had become a murderer, as I had been purposefully avoiding all reflective surfaces. My eyes, which had been an orange colour this morning, were a demonic red again. I looked away from the window, unable to look at those red eyes, glaring proof of what I had done.

"Esme?" Carlisle's voice called my name once more, but I was still unable to look at him. I settled for staring at the floor in the general direction of the bed where he was sat.

"Esme, look at me, please," he begged softly. I forced my eyes up to meet his.

Carlisle's golden eyes shone with his plea. How fitting that his diet gave him those eyes – because gold was the colour of angels. Of heavenly Good.

While my own eyes were red again – the mark of the Devil, of temptation, and sin.

It only made the contrast between the two of us more profound.

I was not – and nor had I ever been – worthy of him.

"Please, just talk to me," he begged softly. I wanted to. I wanted to walk over there and sob into his shoulder until I'd cried all the pain and the horror away. But I couldn't. Why should I get the chance to absolve my sins when there was a man dead – and a family ripped apart?

When I didn't move, he came to stand in front of me. Cupping my face gently, he whispered, "I love you."

"You shouldn't," I replied. He gave a sigh.

"But I do," he told me. "Please believe that." He kissed my forehead and then he left.

It was only after he had left I realized the fire was still burning.

He hadn't even looked at it once.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It had been a week since I had killed the man, and nothing felt normal in our household. It reminded me of leaving in my parents' house, strangers living under the same roof. I carried a sense of emptiness around with me, unable to get animated about anything. I would hunt, I would read in the living room, I would sew in my room, I would do all the things I used to, but I couldn't get excited about anything. Small things that had once brought me such joy now meant nothing. Maybe if I had been willing to allow myself to be happy, they would have done. But the idea of continuing to live my life as if nothing had happened sickened me. For surely if I had been able, it would have been the final sign that I truly was an unfeeling monster.

But, despite all this, I didn't want to feel the all-consuming depression either. So I tried my best to keep both out, to make myself emotionless.

The despair was a lot better at breaking down my barriers than any hapless spark of happiness was.

I barely spoke to Carlisle or Edward, unable to force small talk in my melancholy state. So I drifted around our house in silence. In many ways, I had become the empty shell of a woman I had once been, except this time it was my fault.

Carlisle tried. He tried his hardest to get me to snap out of it. But it didn't seem to matter, he could hold me close and tell me he loved me, but I couldn't allow myself to enjoy the comfort. How could I allow my lips to enjoy the joy of Carlisle's kisses, when the same lips had earlier been smeared with an innocent person's blood?

In the end, Carlisle almost seemed to give up. He would come see me before he left for work and as soon as he came back. But I was always the same. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to shout it at him. But the words caught in my throat. I didn't deserve Carlisle's love and I shouldn't try to cling onto it. He would tell me he loved me and I would look into his eyes and say nothing. I could see myself reflected in his eyes. My red eyes were dead, cold, like the monster I'd become. When I didn't reply, Carlisle would always sigh, kiss me on the cheek, and leave me to what I had been doing. I knew I was hurting him. But it was for the best. He had to learn he shouldn't love me.

Our supposed engagement had not been mentioned again.

Edward tried also, though his methods were different to Carlisle's. We would still spend the night's together while Carlisle was at the hospital. But there was none of the joviality between us as they had been. First, he had tried to cheer me up, making jokes and teasing me as we usually did. He gave up on that once he realized I was not going to allow myself to have any fun. He then tried to persuade me with argument and logic. Telling me I couldn't spend the rest of my life living like this. He stopped once I glumly pointed out he had not been the one to kill someone. From there on in Edward seemed to spend as little time as possible in our house. If Carlisle was home, then he wasn't.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I heard Carlisle arrive home, followed by his and Edward's usual greeting, and Edward's departure. Then there was the familiar sounds of his medical bag thumping to the floor, and his footfalls on the stairs. Then a quick knock on my door.

"Morning, Esme. Can I come in, please?"

"Yes," I replied in a monotone.

"How was your day?" Carlisle asked as he walked in.

I shrugged. "Fine."

"Esme, talk to me, please."

"I'm fine, Carlisle."

He sighed. I knew now was the point where we would give up for the morning. He surprised me by sitting on the bed.

"I'm not leaving this time, Esme. I love you. You have to speak to me. Let me help you!" he pleaded. I put my sewing down and stood up, not looking at him for it would hurt too much.

"Esme, if you've … you've changed your mind, please, just tell me." I didn't know what he meant, but the way he had spoken it broke my heart. He sounded so dejected. _You're doing that to him. This is cruel. Selfish. You're hurting him. __As if you haven't done enough already._

"Changed my mind about what?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"About … marrying me." Guilt coursed through me at his words. He thought I had rejected him. _How could he ever think that?_

I turned my attention to him properly for the first time in a week. His usually neat blond hair was dishevelled, and the misery etched on his face meant that for once he actually could have passed for the ages he claimed. How had I not noticed that before now? I had been so caught up in my own grief I had not once thought of all the pain I had brought to Carlisle and Edward. After everything they'd done for me, it made me feel sick.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I mumbled. Without permission, my body began to shake as giant sobs racked my body once more. I was becoming almost use to the feeling and yet it still horrified me each time I realized it me who was making that terrible sound. I felt myself slide down the wall until I was sat on the floor. Carlisle sat down next to me.

"I didn't change my mind, I didn't change my mind," I repeated the words over and over again, hoping to make him see. I loved him; I loved him more than anything in the world. The only thing that had ever been in doubt was if he was able to love me back.

_But hasn't he already proved that, silly woman. Someone who doesn't love you doesn't come and whisper it to you every morning._

My mantra changed. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I was back in my safe place, back in his arms, as he murmured soothingly to me.

"I love you, too," he whispered in my ear as my tearless crying finally ceased.

"Do you … do you really still want to marry me?" I asked disbelievingly.

"More than anything in the world."

"I'm sorry," I murmured again. "It's not that I don't love you. I do. I just, I, I was scared to let myself be happy… because, because if I did, then, then I thought, I thought it would mean I was too much of a monster to even care about what… what I had done." The words came out stammered and rushed, as I made the split second decision to tell him everything I had been keeping to myself, but the shot of relief once I had was exhilarating.

"You're not a monster, Esme," Carlisle told me softly.

"I felt like one," I admitted.

"I know you're probably fed up of me telling you this," he gave a rather forced-sounding chuckle, "but it was just an accident. You didn't wish to do so. I know you didn't. And you, you don't want to do it again." I noticed the moment of hesitancy as he said the last line.

_Can he really think I would ever wish to do so again?_

"No. No, I don't. I'm just scared. What if it does?"

"I can't promise you that it will never happen again. But I can promise that I will do everything in my power to try and stop it."

"Thank you," I whispered gratefully.

"Why, why did you think I might want to?" I blurted out. I couldn't help it. I needed to know why he seemed to have considered the idea that I might ever want to repeat the horrific crime I had experienced.

Carlisle sighed and seemed to compose himself before answering. "I know that human blood is nicer, more tempting than animal blood, especially for a newborn. I was worried that after a taste, you might want more," he admitted quietly. I most have been reading his expression wrong (despite the fact I had quickly become an expert of them) for he looked guilty when he said it.

"I did," I confessed, shame-faced. "But it's not worth it. It cost someone a life. And I thought, that it might of cost me you."

"It hasn't. Nothing ever could," he promised fervently.

Then a smile spread across his face.

"What?" I asked, surprised by his sudden change of mood.

"I have something to show you," he told me. The suddenly cheerful manner was rather off-putting following our rather solemn conversation.

He stood up of the floor where we both still sat. As he didn't let go off my hand, I stood up with him. Then, wordlessly, he led me to his office.

He let go off my hand once we arrived in the middle of his office.

"Carlisle, what are we doing?" I asked, insanely curious. I realized for the first time in over a week, I was allowing myself to feel something.

"We're doing things properly, my dear." I looked at him curiously.

"Shut your eyes and wait there," he ordered me gently. I did as he said. "No peeking," I heard his voice say. I heard the sound of one of his desk drawers opening and closing, and then his footsteps coming back towards me. After a few seconds he spoke again.

"OK, you can open your eyes now." I opened my eyes instantly and then gasped when I saw him in front of me. He was down on one knee, with a ring box in his hand. The ring inside had the biggest diamond on it I'd ever seen, but yet it still managed to have a simple elegance to it that made it truly beautiful.

"Oh, Carlisle," I breathed.

"I never thought I would be able to find someone to love, and who would love me back. But from the minute I meet you a decade ago, I knew you were special. I love you, Esme Anne Platt, I love you more than I can ever possibly say. Will you do me the honour of being my wife?"

"Yes!" I shouted. He didn't get a chance to say anything else before I flung myself at him, kissing him with all the force I had. When we finally broke about, he chuckled slightly.

"Can I put this ring on you now?" he asked jokingly. I simply smiled as he slid the ring on my left hand. I stared in amazement at it. I would get to keep it there for all of eternity. More importantly, I would get to keep the man who gave it to me for all eternity.

"I love you, too," I told him tenderly, and began kissing him yet again

And as I did so I realized I felt alive again, elated with happiness and love.

I had to move on from what had happened, accepting help from those around me who loved me, and together, we could all move on to a brighter future.

One where Carlisle and I were together always.

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**I'm a sap for mushy endings. What about you? I'd love it if you left me a review!**


	39. Decorating

1921

_Carlisle_

I watched Esme in her newfound element. I had been a little surprised at first when she had requested if she could re-decorate our new home when we arrived there, but there could be no denying she had a flare for it.

Leaving Ashland had been on my mind ever since I first brought Esme home, but her 'accident' had only hastened our retreat. As far as the hospital in Ashland believed I had moved back to Chicago. In fact we had moved upwards to Canada. To a small, but homey, cabin in the middle of the Canadian wilderness. Stuck in the middle between a city with a hospital for me, and a small village. Both were miles away from us though, making Esme much more secluded. It was easy to explain away to my colleagues that my fiancée spent most of her time at home, and came into the city little due to her hatred of travelling by car. They would cluck their tongues sympathetically, and talk about the frailty of the fairer sex. Condensing an attitude though it was, it made for a perfect cover.

Instead of being my dead wife's brother, Edward became my fiancée's brother. Though he had complained at first, he had been willing to pretend his last name was Platt, under the reasoning that Esme would want to marry under her real human name. I had placated him by saying the next time we moved he could swap back to Masen if he wished, as Esme would hopefully already be Esme Cullen by the time we next had to move, so it would matter less to her to have to claim Masen was her maiden name. _Esme Cullen. _How I liked to imagine that.

However, if we were going to get married, she would need to be able to go inside a church and last throughout the ceremony. For this reason, we would use the nearby village. It had a picturesque church and its small population greatly lowered the temptation for Esme.

I would drive my newly acquired Cadillac, which had been purchased for our drive up to Canada, to the city for my shifts at the hospitals, and Edward would drive his father's car when he had to go into the city, where he had begun a course in theoretical medicine at the college, much to my joy. Of course, the cars were unneeded with our speed, but it would be difficult to explain how I walked by foot each day from my distant property, especially when I was emphasising the seclusion of our property as reason for Esme's inability to be seen around the city. To my surprise, I had found myself understanding Edward's love of driving. I smiled to myself as I remembered explaining to Esme on the ride up here how I came to learn to drive. It had been January of this year, when Edward had offered to teach me, as he had, jokingly I later found out, suggested on the night we left his parents' house. My fiancée had laughed as I had explained how much Edward seemed to enjoy being the one in the know for a change, and how he had grown frustrated at my seemingly slow learning, not accepting my complaints about being from the seventeenth century.

"Well, you kept going frustratingly slow," Edward's teasing voice broke through my memories.

"I got the hang off it in the end, didn't I?" I retorted back. Esme paid neither of us any attention. She was humming to herself, while attentively looking at the pots of paint I had purchased for her. Though I had no idea what she had planned for our new home, I was more than willing to indulge her new hobby. She seemed to truly enjoy it, and it kept her mind occupied, meaning she was no longer internally beating herself up about what had happened, so I had no complains. She could knock the house down and build a new one from scratch if it made her happy.

"I was thinking lemon yellow for the main wall, and then white for all the others," she told us, looking at Edward and me for approval.

"That sounds lovely, darling," I told her, though I honestly had no idea if it did or not. I simply trusted Esme's taste.

"Sounds great, Esme," Edward said from next to me. I could tell he was trying to sound enthusiastic, but I could also easily tell it was forced.

_Thanks for trying, son._

"I think I'll leave you two to it, since Carlisle clearly has much better taste than me." Edward smirked at me as he spoke. Luckily, Esme wasn't paying much attention; she was too busy concentrating on pouring the white paint out into the tray.

"Do you need some help, darling?" I asked, as I walked over to her side.

"Grab a brush," she told me. She passed me one, and then went to pick one up herself. She was just about to start when she stopped suddenly. She seemed to fiddle with the ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. As always, my chest expanded with happiness at the sight of that ring. My ring. On her finger. If I thought about it too much I would have to admit it was some sort of masculine pride thing. But still, she was mine and that ring proved it to the world.

"Something wrong?" I asked her gently, as she continued to fiddle with the ring.

"I don't want to get paint on it. But I don't want to take it off either," she admitted. I smiled slightly at her admission. Much as I hated to do so, I slid the ring off her finger.

"We'll put this straight back on as soon as we've finished," I told her, putting it in my shirt pocket for safekeeping.

"Of course," she agreed whole-heartedly. I couldn't help myself; I pulled her to me and kissed her. How I loved to kiss her, and to think I would get to do so for the rest of eternity.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a splodge of paint landed on my cheek.

"You're supposed to be helping," Esme reminded me playfully. Doing my best to look suitably abashed, I began to help my fiancée paint the wall. As we worked, she told me happily about her plans for our new house. It was a relief to hear her so animated after the week she had drifted around our home in near silence. Even after she had finally spoken up, and I had properly proposed, it hadn't been until we arrived at our new house three weeks later that she finally seemed to become more like her old self again.

Painting, it turned out, is not a clean process. Particularly not at vampire speed, so we gave up on that idea. We ended up going at a speed still faster than any human could manage, but far slower than our top speed. Esme, with her newborn speed, was especially having problems. Fifteen minutes in, and there was seemingly more paint on the two of us than on the wall. Luckily, Esme had had the foresight to place an old dustsheet, which we had left over from the move, on the floor.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you suppose to paint _the_ _wall_?" Edward asked mockingly as he walked into the room.

"You know there are three brushes, Edward," Esme remarked sweetly.

"I just remembered I have a assignment due in tomorrow," Edward said quickly, turning to help the room.

"You know, son, I'm sure you could find time to do it later," I called after him before he got a chance to leave.

_You don't get out of it that easily, son._

"Please, Edward." Esme gave him her best pleading look. The one I knew meant I would never be able to deny her anything.

With a groan of defeat, Edward moved to pick up the last brush.

_So it's not just me that look works on then._

"So we're painting this wall yellow, right Esme?" Edward asked with fake-innocence.

"White, Edward. As you fully know," Esme said, fixing him with her best glare. How I wished to never be on the receiving end of that glare. Then she turned her attention back to the wall. The minute her back was turned, Edward flicked his brush at me, sending paint all over the front of my already paint splattered shirt.

"I am in no way as bad as you," he told me huffily, before moving to stand in front of the unpainted section of wall. I sneaked a glance at Esme to see her reaction, but she seemed to have chosen to ignore the pair of us.

_I'll get you back for that later. _Edward just laughed at my threat. I couldn't blame him; it was an empty one.

An hour later and we had finished the living room. Esme looked at it critically.

"It doesn't look as good as I hoped," she admitted.

"It looks lovely, dear," I told her. Indeed it did. However, I thought the same about how it looked originally, so my opinion probably didn't mean much.

"I was thinking Edward and me could get started on upstairs while you were at the hospital."

"Edward would have liked to have been consulted on this plan," the before named person muttered.

_Just go along with her please, Edward. She's enjoying herself._

"Would you like me to stop by the furniture store and pick up a catalogue on the way back?" I asked Esme.

"Yes please," she said eagerly. Her eyes shone with excitement. I left the room to head upstairs to get changed, leaving an animated Esme talking an exasperated Edward through her ideas for the upstairs color scheme.

Before I took my shirt off to get changed I pulled Esme's engagement ring out of the pocket. I looked at it for a minute remembering when I had bought it. It had been two days after my proposal in the forest and had I gone to the jewelers in the nearby city, once there I had realized I had no idea what kind of ring I was searching for. I most have looked at over twenty rings, trying to find the right one - I could see the jeweler growing slowly more annoyed with my awkwardness, but as soon as I saw this one I knew it was the right one. The jeweler had been more than happy to sell it to me and get rid of me.

But when I had returned home, prepared to walk straight into our house and give Esme her ring, my nerve had faultered. I had wanted to snap her out of her melancholy state, but as I walked into the living room, she had not looked up from the sewing in her lap. As I had said my usual morning greeting and told her I loved her, she still did not looked up. I had wanted to kiss her and I show her the ring I had just purchased for her, but I couldn't do it. She had looked so lifeless as she sat there, not like a woman celebrating her engagement, not like a woman happily in love. So I had retreated to my office, and put the ring in my drawer, and wondered if she would ever see it.

Of course, it had all turned out alright in the end. But I still couldn't shake the guilt that clung to me when I allowed myself to consider the manner of my proposal. Had I just been selfish? Usually in vampire reletionships, you would claim your mate through the act of mating, was this just my own roundabout way of claiming Esme as mine? After all, whether you called it the act of mating, or the martial act, it was all the same act. The thought of being together with Esme like that both terried and thrilled me at the same time. But whenever my thoughts led me to there, I would be washed with shame. Had I proposed to Esme for this? To claim her as mine? There was no doubt in my mind that I loved her with all my heart and soul, but still I felt that somehow I had proposed to her for the wrong reasons, jumping in at time of uncertainy to gurantee she would say yes, and I could call her mine forever.

With a sigh, I placed the ring in the breast pocket of my new shirt, and determindly pushed my doubtful thoughts from my mind. I loved Esme and I wanted her to be my wife, that was all there was to it.

I headed back down the stairs. I found Esme and Edward still discussing color schemes. Well, Esme was talking enthusiastically, and Edward was trying his very best to look interested.

_Thanks for doing this, son._

Esme looked up when she heard me arrive back downstairs.

"Have fun with your painting," I told her as I walked over to kiss her goodbye. The problem was that once the kiss started I didn't want to stop, losing myself to the always spellbinding feeling. I was so enthralled in the kiss that I was taken completely by surprise when Edward cleared his throat noisily.

"Son in the room, remember?"

_Sorry, Edward._

"Bye, love," I whispered to Esme, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. I remembered the ring in my pocket.

"Don't forget this, love," I said, passing it back to her.

"I'll put it back on as soon as I've finished painting," she promised. "I love you."

"I love you too." Much as I wished to kiss her again, I finally decided not to push Edward's patience, and gave her another kiss on the cheek before leaving.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Esme stood waiting for me in the living room the minute I got home. The furniture she had ordered from the catalogue had arrived yesterday afternoon. I had got a quick look at it when it was delivered, being the only one there to take the delivery as Edward and Esme had purposely gone to hunt so that Esme would not be tempted by the human deliverers. However, most of them were foreign objects to me, and I was eager to see exactly what Esme had planned for our house.

The second I walked into the living room, I had to admit the place already had more of a homely feel than any of the other houses I'd lived in.

"I want to show you something," she announced excitedly. She grabbed me by the hand and began pulling me up the stairs. I was little surprised to learn we were heading towards my office.

_What has she changed in there?_

I was relieved to notice everything looked the same, aside from the fact she had placed a filing cabinet on the wall beside my desk.

"See, now you keep all your paperwork in order," she told me happily, eyeing the regular mess of papers on top of my desk.

I chuckled gently. "Thank you, darling," I whispered happily before kissing her.

"Do you really like it?" she asked nervously once we broke apart.

"Of course, love. You've made our house a home. Just like you made our fledgling coven a real family. I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back, before kissing me again.

* * *

**So they're moved to Canada. Don't ask me where in Canada – I did attempt to find a suitable place using Google Maps but didn't know where to even begin looking.**

**Just a bit of a fluffy filler chapter (with a hint of angst, Carlisle can't seem to help himself) but I'd still love to hear your thoughts. Leave a review – it'd make my day :)**

**Also, the Fandom Gives Back auctions have started – the link is on my profile.**


	40. Snow Angels

1921

_Esme_

I stared out the window at the natural beauty sweeping before me. A snowstorm the night before meant the entire landscape was covered in a blanket of white. It had been relaxing to cosy up on the sofa with Carlisle while the sounds of the snowstorm had whirled around us, occasionally joined by the soothing classical melodies that Edward had played. I much preferred it when the music he played was soft and gentle, compared to the stormy music that sometimes filled our house.

I looked down at my half finished sketch of the Canadian landscape, drawn with the art supplies Carlisle had purchased for me back in Ashland after discovering I'd had to draw on Edward's sheet music. I was growing increasingly annoyed with my attempt to transfer the beauty of the world outside my window onto paper. My drawing looked bland and dull compared to the striking snow-covered landscape and dark sky I was attempting to recreate.

With a sigh, I placed the drawing to one side and continued to stare out the window, lost in my thoughts.

A blurry memory played through my mind of a happy day from my childhood. My cousin, Helen, and Aunt Mary had come over to visit, when it had started to snow. Overcome with the inherent excitement that all children get at the sight of snow, Helen and I had rushed out to play, only to be dragged back in by our mothers so we could have shoes, coats, hats, and scarves placed on. By the time we had been deemed fit to be outside, a fair amount of snow had fallen. I had twirled around in the falling snow, feeling like I had been transported to a magical land. The best part though, had been when Helen decided to show me how to make angels in the snow. We had lain on our backs in the snow, until our mothers had spotted us and insisted we go in and sit by the fire or we would 'catch our deaths of cold.'

As I had sit enjoying the heat of the fire, Mother had brought a one-year old Grace down and I had held her. It had been a simpler time in my childhood, when I knew little of the hardships of life.

As I looked out at the snow and reminisced, I suddenly felt the desire to run out and dance in the falling snow as I had as a child.

_Don't be silly, Esme. Grown women don't do such childish things!_

An enthralling sense of freedom took over me as I realized I no longer had to listen to the chastising voice in my head. For so long I had needed it there, to remind me that I was no longer either the carefree child or the rebellious teenager, and that I needed to listen to it or I would pay. But now, there was no more fear of retribution should I ignore it.

Without even making a decision I ran out into the snow, not even bothering to grab my coat or shoes just as I had on that snowy day decades ago. I twirled around in our garden, this time enjoying the feeling of liberty the act gave me. The snow didn't feel cold on my feet, but my stockings quickly became damp. It was bizarre to be stood in snow and have it feel temperate against my skin.

Without even considering the improperness, I threw myself backwards into the snow and began moving my limbs around wildly. I giggled out loud to myself as I lay there in the snow. I don't know how long I'd been there when another laugh joined mine. A laugh I'd know anywhere.

I stood up instantly and looked for the source of that familiar laugh. Carlisle stood in front of me, still dressed in his coat and hat and carrying his medical bag. It was obvious he had only just returned from the hospital. His face was lit up with laughter.

"I … um." Despite my embarrassment at being caught in such a stupid position, I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"So," Carlisle began once he finally stopped laughing, "how was your day?" He paused before adding, "My angel."

I placed my hand on my hips and attempted to glare at him, but the effect was probably ruined since I couldn't prevent my mouth from turning up into a smile.

"Carlisle Cullen, this is not funny!" I tried to sound serious, but struggled to prevent myself from laughing.

"I beg to differ."

"Well, it's OK for you. Nobody ever catches you doing anything stupid." Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at me, before setting his bag down on the floor. He had the smile on his face that meant he was planning something.

Without a word, he sat down in the snow.

"Carlisle. What are you doing?" I asked incredulously.

"Your snow angel looks lonely, love."

"What?"

In reply, Carlisle gently lay himself down in the snow, and I suddenly realized what he was planning on doing.

I couldn't help but giggle to myself as I watched him. Once he was finished he stood up and came to stand by me, admiring his handiwork.

"So," he whispered in my ear. "Which one of us made the bigger fool out of ourselves?"

"Still me," I replied. "But you came a close second."

Carlisle chuckled slightly. "I love you, you fool," he whispered as he placed my hands around my waist and pulled me closer.

"I love you too, fool," I told him. My arms secured themselves around his neck and I pulled his head down for a kiss. As we kissed the same feeling of reckless appendance from earlier came over me. I felt carefree and happy. Before I could even consider my actions, I gently slid my tongue across his lips. His mouth opened ever so slightly, and gently at first my tongue began to probe the inside of his mouth. It was a delicious sensation. Before long the tempo had been opened and both our tongues were happily mating. My hands trailed through his hair. This kiss was something new yet again, more desperate and needy. I felt my desire for Carlisle increasing – I never wanted to stop.

"Esme," I heard Carlisle moan against my lips. I felt him begin to pull away, but I pulled him closer once more. Again, he began to pull himself away and this time I let him, though I wanted to growl in protest. Very gently, I felt Carlisle guide my body away from his.

Breathing heavily, despite it being unnecessary, I looked around, dazed. We were by the side of the house, about 100 yards away I could see our snow angels, as well as a trail of footsteps leading to where we stood.

_I think I just pushed Carlisle against the side of our house._

Though I knew I should have felt ashamed of my incredibly improper behaviour, I didn't. The same reckless sense of freedom was still there, making me feel light-hearted, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders even though I'd never known it was there.

Carlisle was stood against the side of house, looking incredibly uncomfortable, though he was trying to hide that fact.

"Carlisle, are you okay?"

"I … um … need to go inside," Carlisle said, fiddling with the front of his coat before running into the house as fast as he could. Confused, I pondered Carlisle's bizarre reaction as I went to pick up his medical bag that he had left in the middle of the garden.

_Did he not enjoy the kiss?_

I decided against that idea before it had even fully formed in my mind. I was confident he could not have faked that level of enjoyment.

_So if he did enjoy it, what was the problem? After all, it's not like he possibly could have been enjoying it too much … oh!_

The penny finally dropped and I couldn't help but smile slightly. My thoughts couldn't help but shift to the idea of our wedding night. Though I couldn't help but be worried considering my past experience regarding the martial act, I would reassure myself by reminding myself over and over again that Carlisle was not Charles.

_He just proved that, as he has every day for the last five months._

I carried the bag into the house and placed it in usual place on top of one of my recently purchased side tables.

"Carlisle?" I called.

"In here, Esme," he shouted from the living room.

"I'm sorry about earlier, you … _surprised_ me," he said as I walked into the room.

"I take it you're not complaining," the bold words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

_Maybe it is time to tame rebellious Esme back in before she gets me into a different sort of trouble._

Carlisle chuckled slightly, as I came to sit next to him.

"Definitely not," he admitted.

"I love you," I whispered passionately.

"I love you too," he whispered back with equal dedication. Then our lips met again.

* * *

**More fluff :) Are you enjoying all the fluffy fun?**


	41. Favor

1921

_Carlisle_

Shuffling through the papers on my desk - Esme's filing cabinet had not helped matters as I still ended up leaving them askew on top of my desk - I tried to concentrate on my work, but it was near impossible. I tried not to think of my trying day at the hospital.

I listened carefully to the sounds of my family in the rest of the house. Esme was in her room, humming to herself and drawing by the sounds of it. Edward was downstairs and reading. I turned my attention yet again to the papers in front of me. My mind had had a tendency to wander recently, especially since a few days ago when Esme had kissed me like she had never kissed me before, but it was not a direction I could allow it to go in with Edward in the house. Still better to think about the happiness Esme gave me than the misery I knew awaited me at the hospital tomorrow.

I had still done little work when Edward came into my office, carrying a newspaper. Without a word, he threw the newspaper down on my desk – sending paper everywhere.

"You really should use that filing cabinet." I stopped in my efforts to pick the papers up just long enough to send him a glare. Once I had picked it all up, I turned my attention to the newspaper he was apparently so eager for me to see. In it, he had ringed a house for sale.

_We already have one secluded house in the middle of the Canadian wilderness, why do we need another one, Edward? And this only has one room._

"I thought it might be a nice romantic setting for your honeymoon."

_Oh! Translation: I want you to be somewhere far out of my hearing range for your honeymoon. Fair enough, Edward._

"There are some things I just don't want to hear. So do me a favor and buy the house, please," Edward said before leaving. I couldn't blame him for his interjection in what could have been considered a private affair between Esme and I – to start with, there was no such thing as 'private' with Edward around, though of course he couldn't help that. Also, I had been so wrapped up on what we might be doing during our honeymoon that I hadn't given any thought to its location. Of course, that caused my mind to wander yet again.

"Carlisle!" Edward's exasperated shout came from downstairs. Esme giggled slightly in her room.

A while later, I heard the familiar sound of Esme's gentle footsteps walking toward my office.

"How's your work going?" she asked as she walked in.

"Um…fine." Actually, I had still done barely anything. I didn't want to think about work.

"What was Edward shouting about earlier?" she asked. Her voice sounded innocent, but the smile – more like a smirk – on her face gave her away.

"Well … erm," I tried to think up an excuse.

"Don't worry about it. He has to do it to me more times than I'm willing to admit while you're at the hospital." I chuckled slightly, but inside I was relived at the idea that I was on her mind as much as she was on mine.

"We really should stop torturing him so," she said as she sat on my lap, automatically my arms wrapped around her waist.

"Indeed, love. But … erm… that isn't really helping matters."

"I'm going out to hunt," Edward's annoyed shout came from downstairs, followed by the door slamming shut a second later which suggested he had left at top speed, as if he couldn't stand to be around us for another second.

"We're all alone," Esme said, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Mmhm," was all I managed to say before her lips met mine. We kissed passionately for the next few minutes until I decided I had to pull away. In this position, with her on my lap, it would be very difficult to hide it should my body respond to her kisses as it had after the snow angels incident.

She smiled shyly at me, before reaching across to pick up the newspaper Edward had left.

"So this is where we'll be spending our honeymoon?" she asked, looking at the circled property. So she had been listening to my conversation with Edward earlier – even if she'd only heard Edward's side of it.

"If that's okay with you," I said.

"Of, of course," she replied, but she seemed distracted.

"Esme? What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"What? Oh ... um nothing."

"Esme? Are you worried about our honeymoon?" She didn't reply, but I saw her nod ever so slightly.

"Are you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," I admitted. _What if something went wrong? What if in my naivety I managed to hurt her? _It was not hard to guess what had her worried.

"Esme. This isn't about the past, it's about the two of us."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome, but for what?"

She sat up to look me in the eyes. "For being you." Before I could reply, her lips were on mine again.

"Carlisle?" she asked again once our lips had seperated once more. "What was wrong with you this morning? When you got home. You seemed really upset. Is everything going alright at the new hospital?"

I sighed, so she had noticed my melancholy mood when I arrived home this morning. I found myself telling her everything, all about the young girl I couldn't save.

"I know she's going to die. I can tell, but no one will listen to me."

"Why not?"

"I can hardly say, 'I know because my super-sensitive vampire sense of smell' tells me. And no one listens to the new guy."

"The new guy? If you were back in Ashland would they have listened to you?"

I shrugged. They probably would have as I had been there for a years now, so they knew I was a more than competent doctor.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I wish I could do something to help." She gently kissed my forehead, and went to stand up. I tightened my arms around her.

"Esme? Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Can you stay here a little longer?"

"Of course." She placed her head on my shoulder and I allowed myself to be swallowed by the comfort of her embrace. It was in that moment I realized why it was so important to me that Esme married me. I wanted her to be more than just my "mate", I wanted her to be my wife. My partner through everything - "for better or worse." For all of eternity, I knew I could home to the comfort of Esme's embrace after a bad day. That was what I had so desperatedly wanted to claim the right to. To her love. To her care. That was why I wanted her as my wife.

* * *

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always :)**


	42. Self Control?

1921

_Esme_

I clutched Carlisle's hand tight as soon as I picked the scent up on the wind. My throat burned, and venom pooled in my mouth.

"You can do this, darling. You've done so well so far," Carlisle murmured in my ear.

The scent increased as we came closer to the village and I tightened my grip on Carlisle's hand.

We had been doing this every two days for the past month. We would drive to the nearby village in Carlisle's Cadillac. Edward would drive and Carlisle would sit in the back with me. The plan was to expose me to humans gradually to prepare me for having to be in the presence of a human for our wedding ceremony. We had been doing it very carefully, step-by-step. First, we had stopped at the outskirts, where the scent was weak. Then slowly we had gone closer and closer towards the village, and the scent would become stronger and stronger, and the temptation grew. Two weeks ago, there had been a particular fragrant scent on the breeze, and Carlisle and Edward had had to pin me down. But I had got used to it, to having to ignore the beckoning call, and fight the burn. It was though, still, without a doubt, the biggest challenge I'd ever faced.

Today was our second journey actually into the centre of the village. As the scent increased in potency, I started repeating my mantra in my mind.

_I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want to kill anyone. I need to do this to marry Carlisle._

I forced myself to take a breath, allowing the scent to penetrate every part of my body.

_Breathe, Esme. In. Out. In. Out._

My throat was like someone had shoved a red-hot poker down there. The scent called me forward.

_I need to cool my throat, now!_

I had half stood up out of my seat, when I felt Carlisle's hands on my shoulder.

"You don't want to do this, Esme." His voice broke through my trance, reminding me of why I didn't want to follow that delicious scent. I allowed him to push me back into the seat, and I felt the car speed up. I stared out of the window, not wanting to look at either of them.

_Why am I so weak? Neither one of them were tearing out of their seats to go kill some innocent person._

"Esme?" Carlisle called my name softly from beside me. "Are you okay?" Without turning round, I nodded. "Edward's going to pull up so we can go hunt, okay?" Again, I nodded.

Nobody said anything as the car pulled up at the side of the road. Carlisle and Edward both got out, a second later Carlisle opened my door.

"Thank you," I said with a grateful smile as I got out. I didn't say anything else as I ran into the forest, Edward beside me, and Carlisle just behind.

Once I had hunted I felt the burn in my throat recede and my anger cooled with it.

"Are you alright now, dear?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes," I lied.

The same uncomfortable silence hung over the three of us as we drove home. Once we arrived back, Carlisle had to go get ready for his upcoming shift at the hospital. I went to sulk in my room. I couldn't face either of them, especially Carlisle.

"Esme?" Carlisle knocked gently on my door.

"Yes, Carlisle?" He walked in slowly.

"Talk to me, dear, you're worrying me."

I faked a smile. "I'm fine, Carlisle."

He looked at me quizzically. "Esme," he said exasperatedly, sitting next to me on the bed and placing his arm around me. "I know you're not fine. Talk to me, please."

"Why is this so hard for me? You and Edward can go into the town with no problems. You can even go work in a hospital, for crying out loud, so why can't I even stay in a car without trying to kill someone?"

"It wasn't easy for any of us in the start. It was only through sheer luck I managed to stay away from humans in my early years."

"But you still managed it – alone as well. I have both you and Edward helping me and I'm still failing!"

"I didn't allow myself to go near humans for at least two years after I'd been changed. You're doing incredibly well for someone so young. I'm sorry, maybe this was too much to expect from you. I shouldn't have rushed you." He turned to look out the window.

"No, no. I want to do this." I cupped his face so he was looking at me. "I want to marry you, Carlisle. More than anything else in the world."

"I love you," he murmured, gently stroking my cheek.

"I love you too."

He sighed. "Unfortunately, I have to go now. I'll miss you." He kissed me gently.

"I'll miss you too," I called after him as he left my room.

After a minute of debating what to do now, I walked down the stairs to find Edward reading in the living room.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," Edward told me as I sat down. "You're doing a lot better than I did at first. Suppose you do have better motivation though." I looked at him questioningly. "You have a reason to do this, I was just bored of being stuck in the house. I kept losing my temper at Carlisle out of frustration. Needless to say I was not the happiest of newborns."

"What did you do to help?" I asked, curiously.

He chuckled slightly. "I started a list of steps. Things I had to do to help myself. It was what my mother always advised me to do." He turned silent.

I hurried to fill the uncomfortable silence, hoping to move the conversation on for Edward's sake. "Oh, so with me step one was to go to the edge of the village and resist the urge, and then step two was to go through the town in the car, and step three would be to be able to actually get out of the car." I shuddered slightly at the idea of step three, it seemed a near impossibility. "What were you steps like?" I asked.

"Something like that," he said offhandedly. I looked at him questioningly.

"What was your step one?" I asked.

"Forget I ever mentioned it, Esme," he said exasperatedly.

"Hey! You can't do that. What was step one? Perhaps I could borrow it and add it to my steps." Edward started to laugh then, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What's so funny?" I asked, slightly annoyed at his private jokes. _I haven't thought anything silly recently, have I?_ I asked myself.

"No, no you haven't," Edward answered.

"So what's so funny?" I asked, growing annoyed again.

"It doesn't matter, Esme." My irritation growing, I stood up to leave. Edward sighed. "Fine, Esme. Step one: stop throwing furniture at Carlisle. Feel free to borrow it if you feel the need to." He smirked slightly during the last line. I smiled, finally understanding what had amused him. I tried to imagine myself thowing furniture at my fiancé's head and giggled at the image. Edward laughed openly.

"And when did you fufill that step?" I asked.

"It happened on and off for the first couple of years. It was just too difficult to stay mad at him when I could read his thoughts. He was just so damn kind and patient. I mean I was furious at him at first for what he did to me." That took me by surprise – when I'd woken up I'd been upset and scared, but never angry at Carlisle.

"Never?" Edward asked.

I shook my head, trying to think of the right way to explain it. This was my second chance. I had jumped of that cliff safe in the knowledge there was nothing left for me to live for, but I had woken up to my new life to see the face I had dreamed of for a decade, and suddenly I had a reason to live again. By saving me, Carlisle had given me a chance to live a better life, a new beginning after the failure that was my first life, how could I possibly be angry?

"That's the difference. You were ready for your human life to end – I wasn't." Edward looked away awkwardly, as if he had said too much. A bundle of questions poured into my mind, but I didn't ask any of them, not wanting to pry. I realized I knew very little about how Edward came into this life. _What made Carlisle save him?_

Edward sighed, before he began talking. "It was 1918, and the Spanish Influenza was running rampant through Chicago. My father was the first of us to catch it, he died shortly afterwards." Edward paused for a minute, composing himself.

_I'm sorry, Edward._

He continued relentlessly, as though he just wanted to get the story over with now he had started. "My mother and myself caught it shortly afterwards. Carlisle had been Father's doctor, and he was ours too. I only know what happened next because I've seen it in Carlisle's memories. Both of us were on our deathbeds, when my mother begged Carlisle to save me – to do 'everything in his power.' Carlisle ... Carlisle was very lonely at this point. And now, now this women had given him permission to change her son and end that loneliness." I could imagine it all so clearly. The dying woman and her son on their deathbeds. Carlisle, the doctor desperate to save them, but hiding his own terrible secret. The mother who would do anything to save her son.

"That's what she told Carlisle, 'a mother would do anything to save her child.'" My thoughts turned to William and I knew it was true. if it had been possible, I would have done anything to save him. _If Carlisle had been there earlier, would I have been able to make the same request?_ I knew the answer before I had even fully formed the question in my mind – yes, yes I would have.

"He wouldn't have been able to anyway. We're not allowed to change children."

_He changed you._

"Young children. Babies and toddlers. It's against our laws."

"Oh." There was a lapse in conversation, but in my head I could still the scene Edward described all too clearly.

"You see what I mean though. Until the Spanish Influenza came along, my life was fine. I didn't want to die."

"What did you want to do with your life?" I imagined what Edward might have been if he was still a human. Would he have become a pianist? A doctor? A lawyer?

"You have much higher ambitions for me than I did for myself. I wanted to join the army." That took me by surprise; I couldn't envisage Edward as a soldier. "The Great War, as they now call it, was raging on in Europe. I was just waiting till I turned eighteen and could be drafted."

"You wanted to be drafted?" A blurry memory of Charles' distraught face when he got his draft letter flickered into my mind. The beating I received that night had been among the worse, as he took his frustration out on me.

"Yes, I did. Seems silly now, looking back." Edward chose not to acknowledge what he had surely just seen in my mind, for which I was grateful.

"I would have gone earlier as well, but my mother was dead against it. There would have been nothing she could do once I was eighteen. But until then she was going to fight tooth-and-claw to keep me in America."

"I don't blame her. What … what was her name?"

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. And my father was Edward Masen. Senior obviously."

"Do you miss them?" I asked.

"Yes," Edward said quickly, looking away. I had never seen him look so vulnerable and sad.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's just…" I trailed off. I had been about to admit I did not miss my own parents. My mother maybe, to an extent, but my father not in the slightest. He was one who had made me marry Charles. Who sent Grace away, and therefore caused her death.

"Did you have any siblings?" I asked Edward.

"No. But still you see what I mean about differences. I was happy as a human; I wasn't ready for my life to end. Sometimes I wonder if my mother truly knew what she was giving Carlisle permission to do, or I wish she hadn't asked for me to be spared, or that Carlisle had ignored her."

"She was your mother, Edward. She was always going to do everything she could to save you – it's what a mother does. I know if I had been your mother, I would have."

"I can imagine. You'd have been just as overprotective as she was. She kept bringing parade after parade of girls round to our house, hoping one of them would catch my eye, and I'd abandon my dreams of war." He smiled slightly at the memory.

"I take it none of them did?"

"No, I was fully wrapped up in my dreams of glory."

"What about now?"

"What about now?" he repeated back, confused.

"Would you like to find a girl now?"

"Vampire, remember?"

"Carlisle and I are both vampires. Maybe you could find a female vampire whose company you'd enjoy."

"It's not that easy, Esme. And it's not like I'm going to go and bite the neck of the first human girl to catch my eye like Carlisle did."

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" I said rather frostily, feeling insulted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Esme. That came out wrong. I didn't mean to insult you."

"It's fine," I said lightly, knowing he truly had not might any harm. "You'll find someone eventually, I'm sure" I said with conviction.

"Maybe," he conceded, though I had a feeling he was just agreeing to get me to stop talking about it. "Though it took Carlisle centuries to find you, so I wouldn't hold your breath."

"Why not? I could hold my breath that long if I wanted to, right?" I said jokingly, hoping to cut through some of the tension.

"But why would you want to?" Edward joked back. "Either way, I can safely say you're the only one who will be getting married anytime soon." I smiled at the thought, looking at the glittering ring on my left hand. Soon I would be married - for all eternity - to the only man I had ever loved. Who'd have imagined the rebellious teenager who would never marry could ever have been so joyous at the idea. _Then again, even that rebellious teenager got excited at the idea of being Mrs. Cullen._

'Mrs. Cullen' – I smiled more merely at the sound of it. _Mrs. Esme Anne Cullen._

"You do realize you sound like a love struck schoolgirl right about now? Would you like me to go get you a notebook you can doodle hearts on and scribble Mrs. Cullen all over." I scowled over at Edward. A random thought occurred to me. _If Carlisle is Edward's father, what will that make me once we're married?_

I look over at Edward; worried I would have upset him with my thoughts, as there was only one obvious answer to that question, and judging by the conversation we'd just have it was not a place I should attempt to take. I was surprised to find him smirking. That mischievous smirk that I knew meant trouble.

"Well, I suppose that would make you my evil step-mother."

"Very funny, Edward," I said dryly.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and became serious again. "It took me a long time to accept Carlisle as my father, I felt like I was betraying my birth father."

_I understand, Edward. I shouldn't have said anything. You're good boy, Edward, you know that? _I leaned over to ruffle his messy hair. He ducked out of the way.

"'Good boy', you make me sound like a dog, Esme," he mumbled, annoyed.

_Good man,_ I corrected.

"Thank you, Esme," he murmured before leaving the room.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was two days after my last trip into the village and I was sat tensed on the backseat of the Cadillac once again.

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._ I chanted to myself as we drove closer, and the scent became stronger, increasing the burn in my throat.

As always, I reached my hand out for Carlisle's. By the time we arrived in the village, my throat was burning like never before, and though the pull was still there, still tempting, I was finding myself able to concentrate on other things, like the feel of Carlisle's hand in mine, or the view outside my window. I found as long as I concentrated hard on these things, I could push the burning to the back of my mind if I wished.

"That's it, Esme," Edward called excitedly from in front of me.

"You're doing so well, love," Carlisle whispered. I turned my attention to him as we left the village.

"I did it! We drove through the entire village without me getting out of my seat once," I sang jubilantly.

Just then a particularly strong wave of the scent washed over me. I closed my eyes and squeezed hard on Carlisle's hand.

_You're doing so well. You're doing so well. Don't ruin it now._

I opened my eyes as the scent receded, to look in Carlisle's face. To my surprise, he looked like he was in pain too, though he was trying to hide it.

"Carlisle? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, love," he said, though it came through gritted teeth.

"Masochist," Edward muttered under his breath.

"Carlisle? What's wrong?" I asked again.

"I told you, I'm fine. There's no need to worry about me." Confused, and annoyed by the obvious lie, I let go of Carlisle's hand in favor of staring angrily out the window. However, as I let go off his hand I noticed him wince and suddenly I realized exactly what the problem was.

"Was I hurting you?" I asked gently. "Dear God, I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

"It's fine, Esme. It's not your fault you're a newborn." He pulled me into his embrace, wrapping his arm around me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded. If I had known I would never have squeezed so hard.

"It doesn't matter, Esme." _Doesn't matter? I'd hurt him!_

"Was it just today or…" Carlisle's silence gave him away. "I've, I've been hurting you for the past month!" I shouted.

"You had bigger things to worry about. My hand's fine again already, Esme." He pulled me closer, and I couldn't help but allow myself to snuggle into his embrace.

"You should have told me," I muttered.

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to upset you." He gently brushed his lips against my forehead.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Later that day, once we were home and Carlisle had left for the hospital, I cornered Edward.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded crossly.

"Not my business," Edward replied. I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Don't look at me like that, Esme. I had enough on my mind trying to stop you from running off and killing an entire village, so if Carlisle wants to be a goddamn masochist, that's his problem!" he shouted. I took a step backwards, my body dropped its anger posture. I had heard him argue with Carlisle on occasion, but he had never shouted at me before.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I didn't mean to scare you," he said in a controlled, calm voice. He sighed. "The way Carlisle sees it, your throat was bound to be hurting more than his hand, so he was going to anything he could to help you, even if it hurt him. Especially since in his mind you're only doing this because of his insistence that the pair of you have a proper wedding ceremony."

I sighed as well. It was just like Carlisle to put my pain above his own. It was just so, so, _Carlisle. _

Edward snorted. "That's certainly one way of explaining it. Do you want to go hunt?"

"Yes, please."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

By the time we arrived back, Carlisle was already home. I headed straight up the stairs and into his office.

"Hello, love. Did you have a good hunt with Edward?"

"Yes, thank you."

He stood up and embraced me, gently brushing his lips against mine.

"What's wrong, Esme?"

"You should have told me. I know you thought you were trying to help, but it doesn't help me to learn I've been hurting you all this time."

Carlisle ran his fingers through his hair, and in a very humanlike gesture, went to sit down with a sigh. I followed him, sitting down on his lap. I felt his arms wrap around me again, I loved the way he did that, as if the very idea of him not having them there was a crime.

"I'm sorry, dear," he murmured. He lifted up a stray caramel curl and pushed it behind my ear. Even after so many months had passed, my skin still tingled at the most innocent of his touches.

I turned so I was looking directly into his gold eyes. "You need to tell me about things like this. Remember what you said to me two days ago? Talk to me. We need to talk about things together. Don't exclude me, Carlisle. For example, you seem to be under some misguided impression that you're the only one who wishes for us to be legally wed in a ceremony."

"It's not exactly how things are normally done for our kind. Only I'd be odd enough to insist on it – and to put you through so much pain because of my stupid desire to cling to humanity. It's not like we'd…" he trailed off then.

"We'd what?" I insisted.

"Nothing," he said, looking away.

"Carlisle," I insisted gently, using my hand to tilt his face back towards mine. "What did I just say about talking things through together? Talk to me. It's not like we'd…?"

"Actually be legally wed," he finished miserably.

"Why not?" I asked, confused.

"It doesn't matter, Esme. Forget I said anything."

"Carlisle." His name came out as more of a growl this time as my annoyance grew. "We need to talk about things. If something is bothering you, then tell me."

"I don't want to upset you," he admitted.

"You're upsetting me more now by not talking to me. Now why wouldn't we be legally wed?"

"Because, technically, you're,"

"Still married," I finished for him, now I knew why he had been so keen to shield me from his thoughts. "Carlisle, you can't protect me from every little hurt. Admittedly, some of that's my fault, I shouldn't have used you as such a comforter." In the early days it had been too easy to just allow myself to sob in Carlisle's arms, who could blame him from feeling he had to shield me from any more hurt?

"I'm sorry, love. I just didn't want to upset you anymore. And for the record, I like that you know you can always turn to me if you're upset – don't be scared to accept my comfort, Esme."

"I know, honey, I know."

"'Honey'?" Carlisle asked.

"What? You can call me 'dear', and 'love, and 'darling', so why can't I call you 'honey'?"

Carlisle wrinkled his nose.

"What?" I protested. "What's wrong with 'honey'?"

"I don't know, it just sounds … weird."

"Would you prefer it if I give you a nickname?" I asked jokingly, I wasn't certain how our serious conversation had turned to this, but I wasn't going to complain about the more joyful atmosphere.

"Depends what it was."

I smiled, trying to think up the most ridiculous nickname I could.

"How about Carli?" I said, trying to sound as serious as possible.

"Esme Anne Platt, don't you ever dare call me that!" he tried to sound stern, but his amusement was still clear in his voice.

"Or what?" Before I knew what to expect, his hands were tickling my sides furiously and I was giggling uncontrollable in his lap.

"Carlisle. Carlisle, stop!" I shouted breathlessly. The second he did I stood up swiftly from his lap. Adopting the same 'I'm angry' pose I had used on Edward earlier, I turned on Carlisle.

"Carlisle Cullen, don't you ever do that to me again!"

"I never knew you were so ticklish, love." He smirked slightly.

"You better not do that again," I stated angrily. Then I just couldn't help myself. "Carli," I added.

"You shouldn't have said that, Esme," he warned me jokingly.

"Come and get me," I said. I begin running round and round his office with him on my tail. I knew we were acting like children but I didn't care. I was having fun. Suddenly, I felt his hands gently grab my sides from the front.

"Cheater," I accused.

"All's fair in love and war, Esme. And this is both."

"Well, you caught me," I said. "What are you going to do now?"

"Didn't we just discover how ticklish a certain lady is?"

"You wouldn't," I began but I didn't get a chance to finish as the uncontrollable giggles took over once again. I felt myself slide onto the floor and the tickles stopped.

"I'm going to get you back for that," I warned Carlisle.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Really," I assured him. "Remind me again how we went from having a serious conversation to you tickling me?"

"You called me 'honey'."

"This is ridiculous," I muttered. "Engaged adults shouldn't be tickling each other."

"They shouldn't be calling each other 'Carli' either," he retorted, his spat the nickname out in disgust. I giggled.

"Have I ever mentioned I love you?" I asked, as if I didn't know the answer.

"Once or twice yes. I love you too." Carlisle pulled me close to him and our lips met, my hand curled around his neck as our tongues danced in our mouths. The remains of my earlier giddiness caused me to be more reckless than normal, my hands trailed first across his shoulders and then down his chest. I felt his hands more up from my waist and across my ribcage in response. My skin tingled with excitement. This was definitely less chaste than anything we'd done before.

"We can't do this now, Esme," Carlisle mumbled as he pulled away.

"No, no we can't," I agreed. I knew he was right, and yet I couldn't fight my desire for him. He was nearly as tempting as the smell of human blood, except this time I didn't want to deny myself what I wanted. I wrapped my arms around his neck again and pulled him back to me. I lost myself to the sensation, to the indescribable pleasure of being able to taste Carlisle's mouth and feel his hands on his skin.

"We really can't do this," he mumbled again, attempting weakly to pull away.

"Of course, of course not," I agreed half-heartedly. Carlisle didn't fight me when I sealed our lips together again. I trailed my hands down his chest again, and then up, until I felt his top shirt button. I stopped then for a second.

_Were we really about to do this?_ To my surprise, I found I wasn't nervous, or scared, or any of the other things I would usually have become whenever I had considered the idea of a wedding night. This was Carlisle I was with, so I just knew everything would be okay. Making a sudden decision, I slipped the button out of its hole, quickly moving on to the next one.

"Mmmm. We shouldn't do this, Esme. We're not married," Carlisle protested weakly. But then he resumed kissing me and his hands travelled the furthest upwards yet, brushing just underneath my breasts, before travelling down again.

"We, we shouldn't. You're right." My hands undid the next two buttons as I spoke. Carlisle moaned slightly, I had never heard him sound so vulnerable and out of control before, and it just increased my desire.

"But technically, we can't legally be married anyway. So it doesn't matter when we do this," I argued back.

"Mmhm," Carlisle agreed. I undid the last of his buttons and forced the shirt down his arms. My hands trailed across his bare chest, before mapping the subtle muscles of his arms. I never would have thought it was possible for him to be more breath taking than he was usually, but I had never seen him without his shirt on before.

I felt his hands stop briefly at the edge of the bottom of my top, before moving quickly on. I pulled away and moved my hands to where his had just been.

"Esme, you don't have to." Before he could even finish his sentence I had taken my top of, moving quickly before my nerve failed me. I removed it so I was in just my corset and chemise. I had made my mind up now – I was going to stick with it.

I breathed heavily, despite it being unnecessary, as we both just sat there was a moment, staring at the other. Then I felt his lips peppering my shoulders, and then my chest with kisses. I groaned with enjoyment at the sensation. He stopped and looked at me, scared.

"I love you," I whispered, "I know you'd never hurt me." I placed my arms around his neck and used my superior strength to guide him so that I was lying down and he was above me.

"We, we can't do this now, Esme," Carlisle protested against my skin. However, his words were punctuated with kisses to my shoulders and chest. Then he stopped properly and pulled away. Irrationally, rejection washed through me. "We can't do this on my office floor," he clarified.

"Shall … shall we go to your bedroom?" I asked timidly, sitting up.

"Are … are you sure you want to do this? Even though we're not married? Should… should we really do this? It's … it's a… sin."

"If… if you don't want to, just … just tell me," I told him, I couldn't hide the dejection from my voice.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing me again. On their own accord, my hands trailed down his chest. I felt him shiver with delight. "I love you so much," he whispered fervently. "I want you right now."

"Take … take me then." I pulled him back down to me. Just then a loud bang echoed through out the house. Carlisle jumped away from me instantly and picked up his shirt, scrabbling to get the buttons fastened, as I searched frantically for where I'd thrown my top.

"Oh, dear God!" Edward shouted from below us.

_Sorry Edward. We weren't expecting you home. Wait, when did you leave? Anyway, I'm so sorry. It's just…"_

"I really don't details," Edward shouted.

"Oops," both Carlisle and I muttered simultaneously. I turned to look at him. He looked flustered and embarrassed; I imagined I looked the same.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry, darling."

"It's fine, it's fine. It was hardly all your fault." I had to smile slightly. _Carlisle doesn't know what came over him, what about what came over me? I don't know who that woman was, but she was not Esme Platt._

It was easier to think straight now, when there was a proper distance between Carlisle's body and mine. I looked back at what had just happened and cringed. _How could I do that? What was I thinking?_

"How? How did we…" Carlisle asked in amazement.

"I … I don't know. We were talking, then you tickled me, and then…" I thought it all through my mind again, one of the perks of a perfect memory, trying to pinpoint the moment where everything had changed, how I could have acted so … like a whore, as my mother would have said. I could just hear her now, scolding me for acting so improperly with a man I was not yet married to.

"We … we should wait until we're married, right?" I asked. Carlisle nodded, though it seemed almost reluctantly. "Can we get married soon then?" I asked impulsively, clapping my hands against my mouth as I realized how it sounded. Carlisle chuckled slightly. Beneath us, I heard Edward moan in disgust.

"Of course, love." Carlisle said, walking over and giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead. "I think we should go smooth things over with Edward now." He took my hand and led me down the stairs. Edward was waiting for us - a scowl graced his features and he glared at us as we came down.

"What were you thinking?" he demanded. "I left as soon as I knew you were going to start kissing. I was expecting you to have finished by the time I came back. Not…" I looked away embarrassed.

"We're sorry, son," Carlisle apologised sincerely.

"Son," Edward snorted. "I'm not the one acting like a horny teenager." He had a point – the roles had been somewhat reversed and Edward was acting like he was the dad and we were the teenagers.

"Well, someone has to be the father," he said, I presumed in response to my thoughts.

"Edward," Carlisle said, sounding insulted.

"Just make sure it never happens again please, Carlisle. You bought the house, right?" Carlisle nodded. I tingled with excitement at the thought of what that house had been purchased for.

"Not helping, Esme."

_Sorry, Edward._

"I have to go do some sewing," I announced, happy to have an excuse to get out of the room.

"That reminds me. I have something to show you," Carlisle told me and led me out of the room.

"Goodbye, Carli," Edward shouted after us. I snorted. Carlisle smiled slightly.

"I still owe you for that one," he mumbled jokingly.

"So do you actually have something to show or me, or was that just an excuse?" I asked.

"Oh, I have something." He led me by my hand to his bedroom. I tensed for a moment, surprised. _Hadn't we just agreed to wait?_

Carlisle seemed to catch my tension. "You can wait out here if you would prefer," he told me before going in. I couldn't resist have a quick nosy through the open door. It was very bare aside from the bed. I hadn't thought to buy furniture for his room when I was refurnishing, as I'd never been near it. _I suppose I can change it once it's our room._ That thought took me by surprise, but I was right. Once we were married we would of course share a bedroom.

Carlisle picked up two large bags of his bedroom floor and then carried them to my room, with me following behind him.

"What's in there?" I asked as he placed them on my bedroom floor.

"Have a look, darling," he said with a smile. Intrigued, I went to nosy in one of them. There was a sewing machine inside. In the other was lots of different white material – wedding dress material.

"You wouldn't be able to go get a tailored dress so I thought you might be able … I mean, I don't know if you know how to, but," His ramblings were cut off when I kissed him. He pulled away after a few seconds.

"I think we've tested Edward's patience enough today," he joked.

"It's perfect. I can make my perfect dress," I exclaimed, clapping happily, before beginning to search through the layers of different fabric. "I can use this for the top half, and this for the skirt. And this could be the underskirt."

Carlisle chuckled. "I'll leave you to it then. I best go speak with Edward anyway." He gave me one last kiss before leaving me absorbed in my new project.

As I begin actually sewing, having sorted through the material and decided which to use, and cut it to the proper shape, I thought about what Carlisle had said – about how we wouldn't actually be legally wed. A sudden thought occurred to me. Abandoning the fabric that would hopefully be my wedding dress eventually, I dashed to Carlisle's office.

He smiled at me when I walked in. I couldn't help but think about what happened in this office previously, and if they could have been my cheeks would have been a burning red.

"Hello, love."

"Carlisle, if someone's heart stopped beating then they're legally dead, right?"

He looked at me confused. "Yes, why?"

In response I walked over to him. Gently I pulled him up out of his seat and placed his hand where my non-beating heart was.

"So for all legal purposes, I'm dead."

"Yes…"

"And when someone dies their marriage ends." I literally saw the moment the penny dropped for Carlisle. "But it shouldn't matter anyway. I love you. I love you so much I can't even put it into words. And no matter what else, in my heart, our marriage will always be the legit one."

"I love you too," Carlisle murmured before kissing me. "You're a hopeless romantic, you know that?"

"And you're a hypocrite then," I retorted back.

He smiled and kissed me again. "How's the dress going?"

"I'm not telling you – you'll have to wait and see. It's tradition." I gave him one last kiss before heading back to my own room.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Once again I found myself tensed on the backseat of the Cadillac. I held my arms limply at my sides, determined not to need Carlisle's hand this time. I was surprised when Edward stopped in the middle of the village. My throat was burning, but I was in control, for the moment.

Carlisle moved as if to get out. "Carlisle," I whimpered, scared at the thought of him leaving me.

"I'm just going to go inside the Church, love, " he told me. "You wanted to get married as soon as possible remember?"

"I think she could manage it," Edward said from up front. There was a short silence. "They could pass for brown as long and no one looks to closely, and who will?" Silence. "We'll both be there." More silence. "It'll desensitise her." I realized I was listening in to a one sided conversation about me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, slightly annoyed at Carlisle for purposely keeping his half private. The act of talking caused me to inhale the air that was satiated with the delicious scent, causing venom to pool in my mind. I closed my eyes. _You don't want to kill anyone, Esme. You want to marry Carlisle._ I forced myself to concentrate on what it had felt like when we had been together in his office two days ago, reminding myself that once we were married we could do that all the time. As those delightful sensations filled my mind, the burning was pushed to the back. It was still there, but it was easier to ignore.

"Well, that's certainly one distraction technique," Edward muttered. Before I could even think my apology he spoke again. "It worked though, so I guess I shouldn't complain. Even if there are some things I just don't want to see." I saw Carlisle try to hide his smile as he realized what I must have been thinking of.

"Esme," Carlisle said. "Do you want to come into the Church with me? It'll hopefully desensitise you in preparation for the actual day. I'll be right here. And so will Edward."

Uncertain, I nodded. Carlisle and Edward both got out. Carlisle walked round at a human speed to open my door for me.

"Thank you," I said automatically, causing me to inhale again. This wave of scent was the strongest yet. I felt myself freeze.

"Try not to speak," Carlisle whispered in my ear. "If it gets too bad, stop breathing. Edward will know and we'll get you out as soon as possible."

"Should we have a safe word?" Edward asked. "As in, I say something and you know we need to go." He smirked. "How about if I call Carlisle 'Carli' we know that's when we have to leave."

"Edward," Carlisle warned him, "this isn't a joke. Just offer to take her outside and I'll know why."

He offered me his arm. "Shall we?" I nodded and linked our arms together.

"Who's in there?" he asked Edward.

"Just the vicar."

Carlisle led me into the Church with Edward on my other side. I could hear the heartbeat from inside, as well as the cloying scent. More venom pooled in my mouth and I swallowed uncomfortably.

"I'm right here," Carlisle murmured comfortingly. The closer we got, the worse the temptation was. But I was determined. If I had to leave now, then surely Carlisle would think I couldn't possibly make it through an entire wedding ceremony.

We reached what appeared to be the vicar's office. Carlisle knocked gently. A man in his forties opened the door. His rich scent swirled around me and I felt a sudden urge to move towards him. I felt Carlisle tighten his grip on my arm, as well as Edward take a step closer to me. I forced myself to list all the reason I wanted to marry Carlisle, repeating them over and over again as something to think of other than the man's tempting scent. Said man looked at us confused.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and this is my fiancée Esme Platt, and her brother Edward. I was hoping I could arrange a date for a wedding ceremony here," Carlisle said in his best reassuring voice. I saw the vicar relax slightly.

"Come in," the vicar said to Carlisle.

"Edward, perhaps you could show Esme around while I speak to the vicar?"

"Of course, Dr. Cullen" Edward replied. It sounded very weird to hear him call Carlisle by his title. He was always Carlisle to Edward, or, on very rare occasions, 'Father' or 'Dad'.

Carlisle loosened his grip on one arm as Edward grabbed hold of the other.

"You're doing so well," Carlisle murmured in my ear, too low for the vicar to hear, before kissing me on the cheek.

To my surprise, Edward pulled me towards the centre of the Church. I had assumed the part about showing me around had just been a line so that Edward could take me outside.

"You're actually safer in here, there's no other humans around," he told me. "Plus, Carlisle wanted you to see the architecture of the Church."

I gasped as we walked in. It was beautiful. Stained glass windows covered the walls. _It must look beautiful when it's sunny. It's a shame I'll never be able to see that._

"Look up," Edward said. I did so and smiled at the sight of carved little angels looking down at me.

"It's perfect," I gushed. I spent a few more minutes trailing around the tiny Church in awe, dragging Edward along with me as he was still holding my arm. Who knew such a beautiful little place would be in a middle of such a tiny village?

"Carlisle," Edward said. "It's one of the reasons he picked that particular house. So we were near this particular Church." I smiled to myself, how like Carlisle to think of something like that.

"Carlisle's finished," Edward announced, pulling me back out of the Church. Carlisle was waiting for us by the Cadillac.

I wanted to ask him how it had gone, but I didn't risk taking a breath.

"Guess who's getting married in two weeks?" Carlisle asked with a dazzling smile.

I squealed happily and threw myself into his arms. I completely forgot we were in a public street and Edward was with us, as I kissed him happily. I was only made aware of the outside world when I heard the sound of girlish tittering. I recognised the sound of two heartbeats nearby, and the delectable scent washed over me again. I felt myself pulled towards them, when I felt two arms tighten around me and I remembered about Carlisle. _You don't want to do that, Esme. _Scared to pull away in case I went after the two humans, I continued kissing Carlisle with more vigour, trying to fight one desire by fulfilling another, trying to concentrate on the feel of Carlisle's lips and mouth, rather than my desire to drain the two humans. The heartbeats got further away and I relaxed slightly, now able to concentrate fully on kissing Carlisle.

"They're gone, Esme. You can stop now. Much as I don't appreciate your distraction techniques, they seem to work. Now can we please go home before you two get arrested for consorting in public?" Edward's exasperated voice caused the pair of us to pull away from each other, looking down at the floor sheepishly. Now I was apart from Carlisle I could concentrate on nothing more than the burn in my throat, which had been ever present for the past hour – though I had been using varying things to distract myself. I rubbed the outside of my throat uncomfortably, though of course it did nothing to soothe the burn within.

"Would you like to hunt first, love?" Carlisle asked gently. I nodded. "Let's get in the car and get out of here then." He walked round to open my door first. I smiled gratefully, having learned from last time not to thank him out loud. Soon we were all in the Cadillac and pulling away from the village. Once the tempting scent was behind me, I was able to think more clearly. _I'll be marrying Carlisle in just two weeks._

"What day?" I asked once we were far enough into the wilderness that I dared speak.

"The 23rd."

"A Christmas wedding," I exclaimed happily. "Well, almost."

Edward pulled the car up and got out.

"I can't wait to marry you," I whispered to Carlisle. He kissed me softly.

"Same here, darling, same here."

* * *

**Um, wow! This chapter was supposed to be a look into Esme developing some control prior to the wedding, and it turned into, well what you just read – the longest chapter yet by a good four thousand words.**

**I'm really anxious to hear what people thought of this chapter – particularly the part in Carlisle's office as it's my first ever attempt to write something like that. Reviews would be greatly appreciated :) **

**And as we're coming up to the wedding and therefore the honeymoon I feel I should point out that this fic is T for a reason, so no there won't be any full-blown lemons in it (that would just be embarrassing on both sides.)**

**Also for all you lucky people who don't happen to live in the country with the 2****nd**** to last release date (it's okay though I'm off to see an advanced showing on Saturday) has anyone been to see Eclipse yet? Or is it too early to ask that question with time differences and what not? **


	43. Christmas Wedding

1921

_Carlisle_

"Cold feet?" I whispered in my wife-to-be's ear. We were sat on the backseat of the Cadillac, on the way to the Church for our wedding.

"Yes, literally," she joked back, wiggling her feet. She lay her head down on my shoulder and watched the snowfall out the window. I began to stroke her hair gently. I still couldn't believe it. We would be married soon. I would get to have Esme in my life for the rest of eternity.

"Are you sure you're going to be OK?" I asked, worried. Every day for the last two weeks, we had taken Esme into the village in preparation. She had got to the point where she could even walk around among the humans. I would never have allowed her to go alone, but with both Edward and myself with her she could cope. I was ninety-nine point nine percent confident she would cope today. Yesterday we had been able to take her into a shop without anything happening, so one vicar shouldn't be a problem, and yet I couldn't help but worry.

"I'll be fine," she replied.

"We're here," Edward said from up front, pulling up outside the Church. Edward picked up Esme's dress bag and bouquet from the front seat of the car. Esme had been determined I was not to see the dress before the actual ceremony.

As Esme went into a little room to get changed, and Edward waited outside for her, I went to find the vicar.

I stood beside the vicar in the empty Church. On the other side of the doorway, I could hear Edward and Esme approaching.

If I had a heartbeat I'm sure it would have sped up when I first saw Esme in her wedding dress. I felt my face stretch into a smile. She was beautiful, that was the only way to describe it. Like an angel come down from Heaven. And somehow, through some stroke of sheer luck, she had chosen me.

She walked down the aisle with Edward. Even under her veil, I saw her smile shyly in my direction when she reached the end of the aisle. It was the same smile that I had loved from the very start, even when I had yet to realize I was falling for her.

She passed her bouquet of orange blossoms to Edward, and I interlinked our hands, as she turned to stand facing me. As the Minister started speaking, I gently squeezed her hands encouragingly.

"We shall now say your vows." He turned to me first.

"Carlisle, do you take Esme for your lawful wedded wife, to live in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." My voice was confident, excited. I had never been surer of anything in my life.

"And Esme, do you take Carlisle for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Esme's voice was just as sure as mine. We were in this together, partners forever. I intended to fully keep the vow I'd just made, and I was certain Esme did too.

"Carlisle, repeat after me," the vicar said. He said the vows and I repeated.

"I, Carlisle Cullen, take you Esme Platt, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part: according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my love and faithfulness."

"And do you reciprocate, Esme?" The minister had been confused when I asked for this change to the ceremony. I wanted Esme to see as little words as possible. Despite the amazing progress she had made, I still didn't want her to be in any more pain than necessary. It hadn't been difficult to get him to agree. I had centuries of experience in using my calm, reassuring manner to get humans to believe me, or not question me.

"Yes," she said, nodding her head as she did.

I felt Edward pass me the ring I had bought two weeks ago.

"With this ring, I thee wed." I slid the ring onto her finger, just above her engagement ring.

Esme said the same words, as she slid my ring onto my finger. It felt bizarre having a ring there, but I knew I would soon get use to the feel of it – I never intended to take it off.

"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." I lifted Esme's veil up and kissed her gently on the lips. Then with a quick thank you to the minister, I led her out of the Church, Edward following behind us.

As we walked out the doorway a sprinkling off tiny white pieces of paper fell on my head. I turned around in confusion, to be greeted with a face full of the stuff. I shook my head to shake it out of my hair. Beside me, Esme giggled.

_Where did you get confetti? _I asked Edward mentally, slightly touched by the effort. He just laughed and walked towards our car.

Esme and I climbed into the back and she instantly snuggled into my embrace.

"We really just got married," she murmured, sounding dazed. I knew how she felt – it was hard to believe I wasn't dreaming or some such, even though I hadn't done so in centuries.

_How is it possible that my life has been turned around so completely in just seven months?_

Looking back it seemed impossible that I had lived all those years without Esme by my side – how had I done it?

"We really just got married," I confirmed.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I dropped my lips to briefly meet hers. I smiled as I pulled a piece of Edward's confetti out of a caramel curl that had sprung lose from the veil.

We pulled up at our house just as the snow became heavier. Esme giggled in delight as she stepped out of the car and gave a little twirl in the falling snow. In her beautiful white dress she looked like a princess out of the fairytales they read to little girls. I gently captured her in my arms.

"Now, now," I whispered in her ear, "we can't have you trying to make snow angels in that dress."

"I should go get changed," Esme muttered. I felt slightly disappointed; she looked so beautiful in her wedding dress.

"First, there's something I wanted to show you both," Edward said. We both looked at each other curiously, before following him into the house and up to his bedroom, where he was sat down at his piano. He began playing a tune I recognized, as I had heard him practising it for the last two weeks. I assumed it was one he had composed himself.

_It's amazing, Edward._

"You two inspired it," he told us. "I've spent the last seven months watching your love grow, and it's an amazing thing. I'm so happy the two of you have found each other."

"Oh, Edward," Esme whispered.

_Thank you, son._

I'm not sure how it happened, Esme sort of pulled me forward with her, but we ended up sharing some sort of three-way hug. Esme was hugging Edward, and I had one arm round her waist and another round Edward's shoulder.

"OK, can we cut the Cullen Family hug now?" Edward asked awkwardly. Both of us let go instantly. I chuckled inwardly; Edward had never been ones for cuddles or gestures of affection.

'_Cullen Family', that's what Edward called us. That's what we are now. My wife and my son._ Two things I would never have thought it possible for me to have just over four years ago. Two things I now knew I could never lose.

A sudden idea occurred to me. _Can you play the song again, son? _Edward obliged and I pulled Esme closer to me, placing one hand on her hip and another on her back. She looked at me confused.

"It's our wedding, love. A dance is obligatory." She smiled happily and we began slow dancing in the small space available in Edward's bedroom. It didn't matter to me that we were basically turning on the same spot; none of it mattered because it was Esme I was dancing with. When Edward finished playing I turned her so she did a little twirl.

"I really should get changed now," she said. She gave me a quick peck on the lips before walking out of the room.

I felt the nerves set in as I thought about why she was going to get changed. We were going to drive out to the small house I had purchased for our honeymoon.

"Ah, don't worry. You'll be fine, old chap," Edward said, putting on some unidentified accent. I couldn't help laughing.

"OK. What … was that suppose to be?" I asked, amused.

"British," Edward said defensively.

"I don't, nor have I ever, spoke like that." I allowed myself to slip into my old British accent to prove my point. Edward just shrugged as Esme came back into the room. She was dressed in the purple dress I had once helped her clean. I smiled at the memory.

"What's so funny?" she asked the pair of us.

"Edward can't do accents." She looked at me confused.

"What? I'm best just not even asking, aren't I?"

"Probably for the best, love." I admitted. I realized my nerves had slipped away, Edward's corny joke had cut through the tension I had felt earlier.

_He probably did that on purpose, come to think of it. Thanks, son._

"We should be going," I told Esme, gently placing one of her hands in mine.

She turned to Edward. "Are you sure you're going to be OK by yourself for a week?" she asked.

Edward sighed. "I'm technically twenty-two, Esme. I'm not going to burn the house down."

_Bye, son._

I led Esme down the stairs and to the car, opening the passenger side door for her. She turned to me before getting in.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back. I pulled her close and kissed her. For the first time all day, I allowed myself to kiss her passionately. After a few minutes she pulled away.

"We need to go," she reminded me with a giggle.

"Of course, love." I kissed her on the cheek before she got into the car and then got into the car myself.

* * *

**I am such a sap for mushy fluffy stuff.**

**The song Edward plays is Esme's favorite, which is mentioned in Twilight.**

**As for Edward's accent – imagine a really bad fake Cockney accent.**

**What did you think of their wedding? I'd love to hear from you all :)**

**Also, I'd like to give a big shout out to EliseShaw, whose amazing story 'No Longer Alone' has been a massive inspiration for this part of the story. If you haven't already, I highly recommend you go read it.**


	44. Happy New Year

1922

_Esme_

I squealed with delight as the first firework went off in the distance, lighting up the dark night sky.

"Happy new year, darling," Carlisle whispered in my ear, using the arm around my waist to pull me closer. We were sat together on the roof of the small house Carlisle had purchased for our honeymoon. The small house where I had spent the most wondrous nine days of my life.

All the worrying I had done seemed silly looking back. When we had been in Carlisle's office, I had been so caught up in the moment I had not been thinking about it. But in the two weeks between then and our wedding night I'd had plenty of time to think about it, to panic and worry. In retrospect I realized over-thinking it like that was the worst thing I could have done if I was trying to prepare myself. I had only been getting myself worked up.

But the one thing I had repeatedly told myself was that I could trust Carlisle. That he would never hurt me.

When we first arrived at the house, we had stood in the living room, Carlisle holding me in a bridal hold, and I had felt him hesitate for a few seconds. He had clearly been as nervous as me.

"Shall we go to the bedroom?" I had gently suggested, trying to relieve some of his nerves, but only increasing my own.

He had carried me upstairs, but had again hesitated once we were inside the bedroom itself, moving a few steps towards the bed before finally choosing to just place me down on my feet beside him.

The kisses started out gentle at first, but quickly became more passionate. As his hands explored my body in a way he had never allowed himself to before, I gave in to the sensation. I had slowly found all my nerves washing away. This wasn't painful, or humiliating. It was sheer pleasure.

"What are you thinking about?" Carlisle's voice broke through my daydreaming. I just smiled sheepishly, causing him to do the same. I give him a quick kiss before turning my attention back to the fireworks.

"It's hard to believe how much has changed this year," I murmured.

"I know," he agreed. "Sometimes I wonder if I've finally gone mad with loneliness and this is all just an hallucination."

"Oh, Carlisle," I whispered. It always pained me to imagine the years he had spent alone. "I'm positive I'm real, by the way." I kissed him to prove my point.

"Perhaps you are, I don't think my imagination is that good. If only there was a way you could definitely prove you were real." I smiled at the less than subtle hint.

"I'm watching the fireworks," I told him jokingly. In fact I hadn't been paying much attention to the fireworks the entire time we were up here.

"OK, love," he agreed. However, he began to press gentle kisses to the side of my neck, making it incredible hard to focus on anything but him. Finally giving in, I turned to kiss him. My hands wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him closer. My tongue savoured the taste of his mouth, and my hands moved down to begin undoing his shirt. Carlisle pulled away and I all but growled in protest, forcing him closer again.

"We're on the roof, love," he mumbled against my lips. I had completely forgotten. I would have expected to feel embarrassed, but I didn't. I would never be ashamed about wanting Carlisle.

I loosened my grip of Carlisle and he stood up, offering me his hand. We jumped back through the bedroom window. Carlisle went first and then I followed. The second I landed Carlisle pulled me to him, covering my lips with his, before trailing kisses down my neck. The right-hand side of my neck again, I noticed. Over the course of the last nine days, Carlisle has kissed every each of my skin, aside from the left-hand side of my neck.

"Carlisle," I murmured. He stilled his hands on the back of my dress.

"Yes, love."

"Kiss my neck again." He proceeded to do so.

"The other side, Carlisle." I felt him hesitate. I knew why. That was where I held the scar from my transformation. He had been avoiding it this entire time, no doubt over any lingering guilt he still felt over my transformation. But I didn't want him feeling guilty about his actions.

"Esme," he muttered.

"Ca," I began, but I was stopped when his lips crashed over mine again. As I felt his hands on the back of my dress again, I didn't protest. I suddenly couldn't remember what had been so important. I felt myself being steered towards the bed. I couldn't help but be filled with giddy anticipation for what was to come.

Each time we did this it only got better, as both of us gained confidence. The first time we had both been slightly hesitant, cautious. But each time made us more comfortable together, as our two bodies fit together to make one perfect whole, as my body tingled with wave after wave of undeniable pleasure.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"So what's the verdict?" I asked Carlisle, as I snuggled up against his bare chest, my body still tingling slightly in the aftermath of the bliss we'd shared together.

"What verdict?"

"Am I real or not?"

He chuckled. "Definitely real." He leaned over and kissed me. "Yes, definitely real." He traced the curve of my jaw line with his finger, trailing it gently down my neck. He hesitated for a second before tracing the outline of the scar he had left there seven months ago.

Then he lent down and placed a soft kiss there. However, he instantly moved his lips away after a second.

"I'm sorry, love. I'll never regret the decision I made that day. But it's just… uncomfortable being reminded."

"It's OK, Carlisle. I understand," I said reassuringly. Then turned to him and smiled. "Now… are you hundred percent certain I'm real?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to check again."

* * *

**Just a short little look into their honeymoon. I hope you all enjoyed it :)**


	45. Numb

**Apparently, I've reached my limit for fluff. This chapter's rather different to the others so far.**

* * *

1922

_Edward_

If there was anyone who deserved a chance to be happy it was my father. He had spent his entire life working for the greater good, and had been shunned for it. When Esme arrived unexpectedly into our lives, it seemed he'd finally gained that chance. Esme was gentle and loving and they were a perfect fit together. When they married, I couldn't have been happier for them. No two people deserved happiness more than Carlisle and Esme. And when they'd married, they thought that was what they'd gained – eternal happiness. How wrong we all had been – it appeared four months was the limit for eternal happiness. I had been on the edges as I watched the two people who, for all intents and purposes, were my parents build their marriage. It had been hard to not feel left out at times, but I didn't say anything. It took time to build a marriage, especially one that was to suppose last all eternity. However, it was looking like they would not get that eternity. But worst of all, I was the one who had ruined it for them. As I had felt my grip slacken on Esme's arm – I knew what I had done.

I followed her into Carlisle's room, though it was her room now as well. I watched as the woman who certainly looked like Esme began to pull clothes off the hangers. While she may of looked like the woman I was slowly beginning to consider my mother, her thoughts were not the usual mixture of kind and loving. They were cold, detached. She did the mundane task mechanically, concentrating all her thoughts on it. She was using the same distraction technique she had used when we were trying to teach her control, she focused on something – anything - other than what she didn't want to think about.

She was focusing on her dresses right now, picking which ones to take out off her wardrobe. She wasn't thinking about why she was getting her dresses out of the wardrobe. Her hand hesitated for a second on a purple dress, and just for a moment the walls of her thoughts came down and I felt the sorrow, and the pain, and the grief. But she pushed it all out of her mind, leaving the dress in the wardrobe and forcing herself to concentrate on the next dress.

"Esme?" I asked tentatively. "Esme? You're worrying me."

"Don't worry about me, Edward." Just like her thoughts, her voice had changed too. No longer soft and gentle, but a cold monotone.

"So is this how it's going to be? The return of zombie Esme?" Esme ignored my jibes.

_Where's the suitcase?_

Again, I felt the misery invade her thoughts for a moment. _I'm going to hurt him so much._ She froze for a minute, taking a few deep and unnecessary breaths, before throwing the walls up on her thoughts again, focusing solely on locating a suitcase.

_Don't think about it. Don't think about it._

She was scaring me now. I would have preferred to hear her horror, rather than this cool, calculating manner. She had been horrified at first; straight afterwards her mind had been a chaotic jumble of disgust, grief, and shock. But somewhere during the drive home, her thoughts had clouded over. It was like she was trying to numb herself.

But right now the thing that worried me most was her desire to find a suitcase.

"Esme, what are you doing?" I demanded.

"Looking for a suitcase."

"Why? Esme, you're really beginning to worry me now."

"I need to put my dresses in it."

"Yes. But why?" I all but shouted in her face. She was making me nervous. She didn't flinch away as she had on the only other occasion I had shouted at her. She'd finally located the suitcase and instead of listening to me she intently focused on packing her dresses in it.

"Why do you need to pack a suitcase, Esme?" She didn't reply. But her thoughts gave her away this time. She was leaving.

"So what? You're just going to just pack up and leave? And then what, Esme? And what about Carlisle?"

I saw her shake at the same moment her thoughts faltered. At the mere mention of Carlisle's name, the walls of her thoughts came crashing down and I instantly knew why she had put them up to begin with. She collapsed on the bed under the weight of the gut-wrenching pain that coursed through her. I felt it with her, nearly collapsing alongside her under the crushing weight; I had never felt such grief off of one person before.

I wanted to say something, anything that would make it better. But the only words I could think of sounded hollow even in my mind.

She changed her mind. She couldn't do it. The dresses came out of the suitcase and back into the wardrobe. The suitcase went back into the cupboard.

Slowly the walls came back up. It hurt too much to feel, so she had chosen not to.

I followed her downstairs, where she picked up a shirt of Carlisle's she had abandoned earlier. She picked up the needle and thread and began to sew. She thought of nothing more than the action of sewing, refusing to allow anything else to enter her brain. She wouldn't allow herself to think about whom the shirt belonged to.

Despite it all, I couldn't help but be amazed by the way she could control her thoughts. How she could stop them from drifting. Usually her mind was a very inconsistent place to be. She always told me she couldn't help it, now I realized she could – just as long as the subject was something she didn't wish to think about in the first place. I wondered if it was something she had learned as a human, she'd had more than enough things that she wouldn't have wished to think about back then.

"Esme?" I tried one more time. I knew Carlisle would be home soon. At this point, I didn't know if that would help or not. I wished I could fix this mess before he ever had to see his wife like this – but I also knew that was impossible. The damage was irreversible. _The damage I'd done._

"Shut up and leave me alone, Edward." The order was given with no emotion. She didn't even raise her voice or look up from the sewing in her lap. I was shocked. Esme never spoke like that – to anyone. She never even thought like that. We sat in silence until I heard the sound of my father nearing our house. His thoughts were happy, contented. They were all about getting home and seeing his wife and son.

"Morning, Esme. Morning, Edward," he called as he walked through our front door. He wondered if Esme would come and meet him as she often did.

I felt Esme's thoughts flinch at the sound of Carlisle's voice. The walls were getting harder to keep up. Soon they would no doubt come crashing down once more.

"Esme? Edward?" Carlisle asked as he walked through the door. His smile faded as soon as he saw the look on my face. I saw myself in his mind. I hadn't realized my eyes had turned as cold and dead as Esme's. Panic flooded his mind.

"What happened?" He asked with trepidation. His eyes flickered between Esme and myself. Esme still hadn't looked up from her sewing.

"Esme?" he whispered, walking slowly towards her. Finally, she lifted her head. "Oh, Esme."

She stood up, the shirt in her lap tumbled to the floor. "I know," she announced in the same cold emotionless tone as before. "You'll always love me. No matter what." She walked upstairs without another word. She focused on anything, concentrating on counting the steps, turning the door handle, anything but Carlisle. Carlisle turned to me, his mind full of questions. What had happened to his wife? Who was this woman who looked like Esme, but didn't sound like her? What was he going to do?

"Edward?" I took a deep breath, before beginning my explanation. Now I had to tell Carlisle how everything was my fault.

* * *

**So any guesses what's happened to Esme? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this not-so-cheery chapter.**

**On happier news, I'm off to see Eclipse this afternoon! :D**


	46. Alaska

**So most of you figured out - or were fairly close with your guesses - what happened to Esme. As promised, this chapter explains it.**

* * *

1922

_Esme_

I didn't need to be Edward to know that Carlisle's Alaskan friends were entirely confused by the situation. Carlisle had suggested it might be good for us to visit them after my latest 'slip up', as him and Edward called it, like it was nothing more than a slight mistake I could brush into the past without a second thought.

"There's something we're missing, there has to be," I heard the voice of Carmen speculate from the living room below me.

"You mean a sensible reason why Carlisle has chosen to trail the country with a sarcastic mind-reader and a creepily silent newborn?" That was the cool tone of Irina.

I had holed myself in their library. The three men had gone on a hunting trip leaving us women behind to 'bond.' I had no desire to become friends with any of the women. I don't think they had any desire to be friends with me either, considering I'd only spoken two words to any of them since we arrived yesterday, and those words had been 'thank you' to Tanya after she had said I was welcome to leave my clothes in the guest room. There was only one guest room in their house, so it had become simply a place all three of us left our stuff and went to get changed, nobody claiming it as their room.

I continued to listen to the gossipy conversation downstairs.

"Why did they come here, did Carlisle say, Tanya?"

"He said he wanted to bring Esme somewhere secluded."

"So that means she struggling with this lifestyle."

"Well, Carlisle shouldn't try and force it on her – it should be her choice."

"And Edward's too. He's hardly a happy bunny."

"What was with the whole 'son' thing? I guess you were wrong there, sister."

"Well, when he sent us a letter three years ago telling us he changed a boy, what else was I supposed to think?"

"Yes, we were all surprised when the latest letter said he'd changed a woman as well."

"But why?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

I tuned the conversation out then, unable to listen to their speculation any longer. I picked up the book I was supposed to be reading.

"Esme?" Some time later, Carmen knocked on the door.

"Yes?" I called.

She walked in and sat down next to me. "Are you sure you don't want to come downstairs?"

"No, thank you." I expected her to leave, but she didn't.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened? Why did you come here?"

I shrugged. "Like your sister said, I struggled with this lifestyle." I looked at my lap as I said it, trying in vain not to think about that day. But my control over my thoughts was getting weaker and weaker; it was getting harder and harder not to think about, when every day I was faced with repercussions of my actions. Watching as all three of us drifted through our lives, because, in typical Cullen style, each one of us thought we were the one to blame.

"OK. But what exactly happened?"

"_We'll be fine, Esme." I didn't like this. Walking around in the village with only Edward for company. "Do you want to surprise Carlisle or not?"_

_It was then that the scent washed over me. The siren call of fresh, flowing blood._

"_Ow! Damn it!" I heard a male voice shout from one of the backyards._

"_Esme!" Edward shouted as he grabbed hold of my arm, holding me back. "Esme, you don't want to do this." I was too far gone to listen to reason. I struggled against Edward's grip – my newborn strength was starting to wane. Then for just a second, Edward's grip loosened slightly. I took full advantage of the opportunity. Rushing forward towards the promising scent._

_I sat upstairs as I heard Edward explaining to Carlisle what had happened._

"_I let her go," he admitted miserably. "I… I couldn't concentrate. The … blood. My … my throat." It sounded like Edward had begun to sob, a sound I had never heard him make before. He was blaming himself. The grief that thought brought me threatened to choke me, so I pushed it from my mind. I wouldn't think about it. I didn't want to think at all._

"_Edward. Edward, it's okay, son. You tried … it's not your fault," I heard Carlisle murmur soothingly. Of course Carlisle would never blame any of us. He wouldn't blame Edward – he wouldn't even blame me._

"_I'm … I'm sorry, father," Edward managed to choke out. I blocked the conversation out after that – I didn't want to listen to this. To Edward's pain - that I'd caused. Eventually, I heard the sound of Carlisle's gentle footfalls on the stairs. The quiet knock on the door – even though this was technically his room as well._

"_It's your room, Carlisle," I stated. I noticed my voice was flat and lifeless like before, no emotion. If I allowed myself to think and feel, then I would have to feel the pain that came with knowing I had hurt Carlisle. I just couldn't stomach that much grief. So I chose to shut down instead._

_I watched Edward as he ran in front of us. We were somewhere in the wilderness of Northern Canada - halfway through our trip up to Alaska. Carlisle held my hand as he pulled me through the forest, insisting I had to feed._

"_You can't go on like this forever, Esme," Carlisle had told me. He was right. I knew he was right. I couldn't spend the rest of my eternal life in my 'zombie-like' state, as Edward called it. I had to think about it eventually._

_As I watched Edward in front of me, I finally admitted to myself what a part of the problem was. The boy had looked like Edward. He was only sixteen. He had been someone's son._ _Somewhere a mother was grieving for her lost boy. It was a pain I would never forget and now somebody else had to suffer through it because of me. The same grief that had once led to me attempting to end it all. Would she feel the same? Would she do the same as I had?_

_Edward looked up at me then, hearing the thoughts I had refused to think about for weeks._

"_Esme, love, you need to feed," Carlisle's voice broke through my grief. I forced myself to concentrate on the hunt, to push all thoughts of that poor little boy out of my mind. But one thought lingered, I couldn't push it away, no matter how hard I tried – I had killed someone's son._

I found myself telling Carmen everything, I couldn't keep it inside any longer – the pain threatened to consume me.

"Esme, it isn't easy for anyone in the beginning."

"So I keep being told," I said bitterly.

"You can't keep comparing yourself to Carlisle, Esme. He is, most definitely, the exception to the rule."

"She's right," Irina said as she walked into the room. "He has no right to be angry at you for acting like a newborn. What I don't get is why you don't just leave if it makes you so miserable."

"Excuse me," I hissed, standing up, as fury filled me. "I could never leave Carlisle." _But you nearly did. You thought it'd be for the best if you left, so that you could never hurt him again. Maybe she's right._

I collapsed back onto the seat as the guilt rolled over me. Now everything was out there I could no longer box the pain away. I began to dry sob uncontrollable.

"O…K," Irina said before walking out again.

"Esme? Esme? What's wrong?" Carmen asked me frantically.

"It hurts … it hurts too much." I knew I had to stop, knew I must have been scaring her. After all, I had gone from being completely emotionless to a sobbing mess.

"Sorry," I finally managed to say.

"Can … can I ask you something a little personal? What _exactly_ is Carlisle to you?" In response I lifted up my left hand, where my engagement and wedding rings were.

"Oh!" Carmen said.

I chuckled dryly. "I suppose it would be pretty difficult to tell, given how we've been acting."

"Why are you acting like that though? I mean, I guess it's safe to assume you don't always act like. Has it just been like that since you killed the boy?" I nodded. "If you love him, and I've no doubt you do, you should be able to turn to him for support."

"I…I can't. He can tell me that 'it was a mistake' and 'it doesn't matter', but he doesn't … he doesn't get it. How can he, when he's gone how many centuries without killing a person?"

"It's only two, Esme."

"_Only _two?" I said incredulously.

"I was six months old when I met Elezear – I'd kill eighty one people by then. Elezear had been living off humans for centuries by then. Tanya, Kate, and Irina lived about six centuries as normal vampires before having their change of heart, and it was gradual for them. It took over a century for them to fully live of animal blood alone. I don't know the exact figures, but it must be in the thousands for each one of them. So yes, Esme, it's _only _two."

I looked at her in shock, trying to comprehend the idea of having killed hundreds, or even thousands, of people. The sister's didn't seem to feel guilty over their astronomical death toll. How could that be? How could anyone kill thousands of people and not feel any remorse?

Carmen continued to talk. "Even after I'd met Elezear, and we'd both decided we wanted to try an alternative lifestyle, we both kept slipping up occasionally over the course of the next few years. It was a struggle – a real struggle. You're not the only one who had problems resisting at first. We all did. I'm sure if you asked Carlisle he'd tell you the same. It's only through sheer luck that him and Edward have the clean records they do."

"You … you struggled?"

"Of course. This is not any easy way of life, but it's worth it. We all chose this way of life because we didn't want to kill anymore."

"While I never wanted to kill in the first place."

"And that's perfectly understandable – but you can't beat yourself up because you did. You have to move on." If those words had come out of Carlisle's mouth, or Edward's, I would have scoffed at them, for what did they know about killing? But this woman in front of me did understand, she had been in the same position as me before, and she had chosen to let go of her mistakes and move on.

_Can I do the same?_

"Thank you," I told her.

She smiled. "Not a problem." Her eyes flickered to the rings on my fingers. "Now you just need to actually talk to your husband." I gave a sigh of recognition – she was right.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was early in the morning when the men arrived home. I tried to get the courage to talk to Carlisle, but each time my nerves failed me. We had the same superficial, stilted conversations we'd been having for the last month.

It was late afternoon when Carmen suggested everyone go for a hunt. Her three sisters agreed readily.

"Go ahead, sisters, I'll catch you up," she told them and so they left.

"I'll go," I said. Carmen, Elezear, and Edward all turned to look at me.

"No, Esme, you should stay here," Carmen said.

"No, I think I need to hunt. After all, the men got to go last night, so us women should get to go now."

"Actually, Edward and me are going to go too," Elezear said.

"You went last night," I accused. This was beginning to feel like a set up.

Carmen's next words proved me right. "I believe you need some time to talk to your husband." And with that, her, her mate, and Edward left. I sighed dejectedly, knowing there were no excuses now.

I knocked on the door to the guest room, where I knew Carlisle was.

"Come in, Esme," he called. He was sat on the floor, and set aside some thick book as I walked in.

"I've been talking to Carmen," I told him as I sat down next to him.

"Oh, how'd that go?"

"She was telling me about her struggles to become a vegetarian at first. That I shouldn't compare myself to you and Edward."

"I expected too much from you, love."

"We could do this all day. You blame yourself. I blame myself. Edward's not here, but I know he blames himself as well. It was _my _fault, and I have to come to terms with that."

"Esme-"

"Carlisle, don't argue with me. It was."

He sighed. "I think it's best we agree to disagree, love." I knew that was the best I was going to get. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you too." I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him with vigour. I knew we still had so much we should talk about, but I didn't want to talk right now. It had been so long since we had been like this – not since before my 'accident' – too long.

A desperate desire filled me, and I found myself pushing Carlisle backwards, so I was above him for a change. I began to slowly open his shirt, planting a little kiss on a trail down his chest as each button opened.

"Esme, we're on the floor," Carlisle reminded me, his protest sounded half-hearted.

"I know. But we don't have a bed in this house." He didn't protest again after that.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"We really should get ourselves a bed," Carlisle whispered in my ear as I snuggled up against him afterwards.

"I don't think it would fit in this room."

"I was thinking we could build our own house a short distance from here. The sisters built this house themselves a long time ago, they could help you design it."

I turned to look at him in shock. "You want me to design a house?"

"Well, you seemed to enjoy decorating the house in Canada so much I thought you make like to…"

"Really? I'd get to design my own house? From scratch?" I squealed. A part of me noticed it was the most animated I had sounded in a while.

"If you want."

"Oh, thank you, Carlisle." I kissed him deeply. "I love you so much, you know that?"

"You've mentioned it once or twice. I love you too." He kissed me again, his hands brushing against my bare skin as I'd yet to get dressed again. My skin tingled. Having not made love in weeks, I knew there was no way we would only do so only once today.

Luckily we had both got dressed by the time the others got home. Carlisle smiled sheepishly as he straightened his ruffled clothes.

"Esme? Carlisle?" Tanya shouted from downstairs.

"They're in the guest room," Edward said, with only a little distaste.

"Come on, love, we should go downstairs." Holding my hand, Carlisle led me down the stairs.

Tanya, Kate, and Irina were talking amongst themselves, their backs to us. Carmen and Elezear smiled knowingly as we walked in. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Esme," Tanya called my name as she turned around, "we were thinking of going out for the night, you what to come? You should come to, Edward. I'd ask you, Carlisle, but I know you'd just say no." I felt three pairs of eyes settle on our interlocked hands.

"Looks like you owe me hundred dollars, sister," Kate said.

"I think I'll stay at home, Tanya," Carlisle said.

"Me too," I said instantly. Carlisle let go off my hand in favor of wrapping his arm around my waist and kissed my forehead.

"What about you, Edward?" Tanya spun around to face him. "Surely you don't want to stay at home with the boring old mated couples?" Edward looked uncomfortable.

_You should go, Edward. _I suddenly remembered what Edward had said about being unable to find a girl because he was a vampire, and how I'd suggested he should find a female vampire. And now, here were three.

"There's no need to look so worried, Edward," Kate chimed in. "We'll bring you home to your mommy and daddy in one piece."

I looked away awkwardly when she said 'mommy', still not certain if Edward viewed me as such.

"Well, I'm not…"

"Oh, come on, Edward. Have a little fun," Tanya insisted.

_She's right, Edward. After everything that's happened you should go and enjoy yourself._

"Yeah, you don't want to be stuck at home with the, how did you word it, sister? Oh yes, boring mated couples," Carmen said.

"Especially not a boring married couple," Elezear added with a grin in our direction.

"Married?" Kate, Irina, and Tanya all said at the same time. All three turned to face Carlisle and I as we both lifted up our left hands where our rings glittered.

Kate let out a low whistle. "That's a hell of a rock you got there, Esme." If I could have blushed, I would of.

"Congratulations," Irina said.

"Yes, congratulations to the pair of you," Tanya said.

"Right, let's go get ready," Kate announced.

"You too, Edward, you're coming," Tanya insisted.

Edward shuffled uncomfortably.

"Go, Edward," I insisted.

Edward gave a long-suffering sigh. "I don't have any choice in the matter, do I?" he asked.

"No," all three sisters said at once.

All four went off to their separate rooms.

"Do you have any idea what you just got our son into?" Carlisle asked me once they'd left. I shook my head, more bothered about the way he had said 'our son.' I did view Edward as a son, that's what had made it so hard after I … I killed that young boy.

"What? He's just off out for a nice night out. Right?"

Carlisle chuckled. "Right, love," he agreed, but there was a little smirk playing on his lips.

"I know that look, Carlisle Cullen. What aren't you telling me?"

"Do you know what a succubus is?"

"No. Should I?"

"No… let's just say that's what the sisters are."

"Oh!" I tapped him on the chest. "Tell me!"

"Let's go check on our son," Carlisle said. I allowed the matter to be dropped as Carlisle led me by the hand to the spare room. He knocked on the door. "Can we come in, son?"

Inside, Edward sighed. "Yes."

"Oh, don't you look dapper!" I squealed when I saw him dressed up in his suit. "But your tie's crooked." I began trying to straight it. Edward gently slapped my hands away.

"Stop being such a mom, Esme." That threw me off balance. Edward looked a little shocked himself, as if he'd only just realized what he'd said.

"You look smashing, son," Carlisle said, clearly trying to cut through the tension.

"Thanks, Dad. Thanks … , Mom," he said before leaving the room.

I felt myself sit down on the floor, slightly dazed.

"Esme?" Carlisle called my name questioningly, sitting down next to me.

"He called me Mom," I muttered.

"Yes. But what's wrong, darling?"

"I don't deserve a son."

"Esme, listen to me-"

"No, Carlisle, you listen to me! The boy … the boy I killed. He… he looked like Edward. What right do I have to gain a second chance, when that … when that boy's mother won't? I know what it's like to lose a son, Carlisle. And to think I did that… to someone else." I began sobbing once more, now all the walls I had tried my hardest to put up in my thoughts had truly crashed down.

"Ssssh, Esme. It's going to be-"

"Don't tell me it's all going to be OK!"

"I just want to help, love. Tell me how I can help," he said desperately.

"I … I don't know." I allowed myself to be pulled close into his embrace, sobbing into his shoulder as I had so many times in the early months. I realized this was the same floor where hours earlier I had been together with Carlisle, but I didn't want that sort of comfort right now.

"Just … just hold me. That's all you can do," I whispered into his shoulder.

"Of course, love," he whispered back, tightening his arms around me.

* * *

**I hope the explanation didn't disappoint. What did you think of this chapter? All reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	47. A Year Later

1922

_Esme_

It had been a year today since William died. Since I jumped. Since Carlisle saved me. I'd had so much to celebrate in the last year, so why was I crying alone in an abandoned forest in rural Alaska?

_Because I miss my son. I lost someone I loved and I miss him. Even though I gained two more people to love because of it – I still miss him._

Even though I would not give up my life with Carlisle for anything – I couldn't help but wonder what my life would have been like if William had lived. It would have been his first birthday today. _I wonder if he'd have taken his first steps yet? What could I have gotten him for a present?_

"Esme?" Carlisle's voice broke through my thoughts. Within a second he was by my side. "I followed your scent," he told me. "You scared me."

"Do you know what day it is today?" I asked dejectedly.

"Of course."

"William would have been one today." I began to sob. "You want to know a terrible thing? I think I'm glad my son died. How bad is that?"

"What?"

"I'm so… so happy with you and Edward, and … I'd never have got any of that if William had lived. You … you're the most important thing in my life, and I can't imagine my life without you. But I still … I still wish William could have lived … but then I'd … I'd never have got to be with you. I … I don't even know if I wished my son had lived or not anymore. I'm a terrible person. What sort of mother is glad her son died? Then again, what sort of wife wishes she'd never got the chance to be with her husband?" I was a rambling, weeping mess, as these questions floated through my mind, torturing me. How had I ever been able to be happy with Carlisle when it had come at the expense of my son's life?

"Esme," Carlisle began, "I know you never would have wished your son dead. This is just the way life turned out. We can't go back and change it now."

"But if I could, would I?" I asked. I didn't know the answer anymore.

"But you can't," Carlisle insisted.

"If you could, would you change it so you never became a vampire?" I asked.

"I don't know," Carlisle admitted. "We've all had things happen to us that we wish we could change. But they have made us who we are today. Thinking about the 'what ifs' in life doesn't do anything but hurt, Esme. Trust me, I know."

"You know?"

"You've only picked up on one of my 'what ifs'. What if I'd never become a vampire? What if I'd let Edward join his parents, instead of 'damning him to this half-life', as he would say? What if I hadn't got to Esme in time?"

"You did," I reminded him. "You saved me. You definitely made the right decision there. Thank you." I lent over and kissed him.

"You have no idea how scared I was you wouldn't make it."

"How did you know it was me?" I asked.

"What?"

"I was using my sister's name. How … how did you know it was me?"

"I remembered you're sister's name, you told me at the hospital."

"I did?" Much to my chagrin, I couldn't remember that blessed day very clearly anymore.

"You did, yes. Anyway, I heard the heartbeat from the drawer and thought there might be some way to save her. When I opened the drawer I recognized you instantly."

"How did you know Grace didn't look like me? After all, we were sisters."

He curled a strand of my hair around his finger. "Grace had brown hair."

"Oh yes, she did." I could just see her brunette curls in the memories of her I clung too. "How did you know that? I've never told you, have I?"

"Ummmm," Carlisle hesitated. "No, no you didn't. I … um … sort of … went to see you at the farm." The last part came out really fast.

"You what?" I asked. "I don't remember that. I only saw you once, didn't I?"

"You … um … you didn't see me." He looked away, embarrassed.

I couldn't help but smile. "Dr. Cullen, were you spying on me?"

He looked down guiltily. "Maybe," he admitted. I pulled his head up and kissed him.

"That's sort of adorable, you know," I told him.

"Not creepy?"

"Well, maybe slightly creepy," I joked. Carlisle smiled, but then his grin faded.

"Carlisle? What's wrong?"

"Just another unanswerable question. What if I'd changed Esme at sixteen? I could have saved you so much pain."

"Did you … did you ever consider it?"

"Briefly. But I couldn't have. You were healthy, and you had a sister that needed you. How could I have possibly justified my decision? It's only in retrospect it seems like a good idea."

"I honestly don't know how I would have reacted. It was you … so I would have been happy to see you, vampire or not. But if you'd have told me I had to abandon Grace behind. It would not of have been pretty, let's put it that way. Actually, it's probably a good thing you didn't change me then. You'd have been stuck with me frozen at sixteen years old for all eternity. I'd … I'd have been like a female version of Edward." Carlisle chuckled loudly. "I really don't think you would have wanted to marry sixteen year old me."

"Funny, I have quite different memories of you as a sixteen year old. I definitely would have married sixteen old you. I'd marry you no matter what age you were, Esme Cullen." Even after five months it still sent shivers down my spine when he called me that.

"Now who's the hopeless romantic?" I asked jokingly. He pulled me to him and our lips met passionately. He began to trail kisses down my neck, the left-hand side, much to my surprise. Ever since the conversation on our honeymoon he had gone back to leaving that part of my body alone. He placed a gentle kiss on the scar there.

"Best decision I ever made," he told me. "I love you," he murmured before his head came up to kiss my lips once more.

"We can't do this in the middle of the forest, can we?" he asked gently as he pulled away.

"No. No of course not," I agreed. "It would be terribly improper." However, I pulled him to me again.

"Indeed," he agreed against my lips. I felt my hands mapping down his shoulders and chest until they reached his top button.

"We can't, can we?" I asked, as my hand undid his top button.

"Of course not," he said, as his hand began to ghost towards the buttons at the back of my dress.

I giggled despite myself. "This is like your office all over again, isn't it?"

"Except Edward isn't here to walk in on us this time," Carlisle pointed out.

"And we're married," I added, finally managing to undo all his shirt buttons, at the same time I felt Carlisle unfasten the top button of my dress. "So I suppose we can do this."

"Mmhm," was all Carlisle said in reply, his lips too busy covering the now exposed skin of my shoulder with kisses.

* * *

**Just a quick look at Esme's feelings towards her son's death and Carlisle's thoughts on her transformation a year on. Any thoughts? I love hearing from you all.**


	48. Anniversary

1922

_Carlisle_

"Carlisle, how many more shops are you going to drag me into?" Edward asked – more like whined. For once he actually sounded like the teenager he was frozen at. "I am not whining," he protested, even though it still came out as more of a whine.

"I don't know. Until we find the one which has the perfect present for your mother in it."

"We've already been to most of the shops in Alaska. Can't you just admit you have no idea what to buy your wife for your anniversary?"

_And what sort of husband would that make me? You know you didn't have to come, Edward._

"It was this or stay at home with Tanya," Edward muttered.

_Tanya's not that bad, son._

"You can't read her mind," he muttered under his breath.

_You could give her a chance, son. It would be nice if you could have the same happiness as me and-_

"Not you too. Esme's been trying to encourage me to 'get to know her' for the last seven months, Carlisle. I'm fine. I don't need a mate to be happy."

_I wouldn't be so certain about that, Edward. After all, look at how much your mother has changed me._

"Humph," was all he replied.

_Your mother's right, Edward. Maybe you should give her a chance._

"Like you did? Apparently her and Kate once had an interest in a very uncooperative doctor."

_Far enough, son. And don't mention that to your mother, please._

Edward snorted. "I'm not that stupid."

_Well…_

"Very funny, Carlisle. And can you please talk out loud. That man's beginning to think I'm mad," he whispered in a voice too quiet for human ears to hear it.

"So what can I get your mother for our anniversary?"

"I don't know. She's your wife… jewellery?"

"Esme isn't really the jewellery sort of woman."

"Aren't all women supposed to be 'jewellery sort of women'?"

I couldn't quite suppress my chuckle. "And when did you become an expert on women?"

"Touché," he admitted. "We're going to be here a long time, aren't we?" he asked with a sigh.

_Probably_, I admitted. I turned my attention back to the shelves, waiting for the perfect present for Esme to pop out at me.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

My wife was a flurry of activity as she put the finishing touches to our newly built house. Designed specifically for use by vampires, it had no kitchen and only a small bathroom, with no toilet. The first floor was just one large open-spaced family room, while upstairs there were two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small study for me.

With eight vampires working on it, it had been built with ease. Now we had only the painting left to do, the only difficult part of that would be understanding Esme's complex color scheme.

"What color do you want your room, Edward?" I heard my wife shout from where she was stood at a table that was groaning under the weight of the paint pots piled on it.

"I honestly don't care, Esme."

"Right, pink it is then," she quipped.

"No, Esme. Not pink," Edward replied exasperatedly.

"What color then, Edward?"

"Anything but pink."

I chuckled to myself, as I walked over to stand by Esme at the paint table.

"Are you bullying our son?" I mock-reprimanded her, pulling her to me for a gentle kiss.

"What's wrong with pink? I like pink."

"No pink, Esme. There is going to be two men living in this house." She pouted – she actually pouted. It was adorable. I couldn't help myself, planting a quick kiss on her pouting lips.

"Fine, no pink," she agreed.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

By the 23rd December, our anniversary, the house was finished. It was fully decorated, and I had transported all our furniture from the Canadian house, that had been placed in storage, up here. It was just the two of us. The sisters were back at their house, and Edward had gone on a hunt with Elezear, no doubt to give us some privacy.

Esme was eagerly showing me around our new completed home. The last room she showed me was my small study.

"I suppose you won't need to be in here very often with you not working up here," she said sadly.

"I can start work again in a few years, it doesn't matter, Esme."

"You've had to sacrifice so much because of me."

"And gained so much more," I countered. "I love you," I whispered as I sat down in my chair and pulled her onto my lap.

"I love you too."

"Do you know what day it is today?" I whispered in her ear, pulling her closer.

"Ummm…" _She hasn't forgotten, has she?_

"It's the 23rd," I told her.

Her hands flew to her mouth as she gasped. "Our anniversary."

"That's right," I said, as I opened my desk drawer. I picked up the necklace box from inside it. After hours of trailing around shops and coming up empty-handed, I had finally given up and gone with the clichéd.

"Happy anniversary, love," I said, passing her the box. She opened it nervously and gasped at the necklace inside.

"Oh, Carlisle, it's beautiful." Maybe it was my imagination, but it sounded sort of forced. I picked the necklace up and went to put it around her neck. The entire situation felt kind of contrived.

"OK, this couldn't get anymore clichéd if I tried, right?" I joked. Esme smiled slightly.

"Well, I … I … sort of … forgot. So you're doing better than me. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. But with the house and the decorating." She groaned. "I can't believe I forget. I'm a terrible wife."

"I disagree, love. You're the best wife I could possibly have been fortunate enough to find."

"Even though I forget our anniversary?"

"To be honest, love, I had no idea what to get you, so I'm just as bad."

Esme laughed. "What are we like? I still can't believe I forgot our _wedding anniversary_ though. At least you got me a present, albeit a clichéd one, which is better than I did."

"You give me the best present anyone could ever give me everyday," I whispered.

"You too," she replied. Her lips met mine, gently at first, but then with more vigour. My hands moved slowly up from her waist.

"We finally have a bed of our own again," I reminded her. We'd had to get slightly creative in the last seven months.

"Let's go make use of it then," she whispered against my skin.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I smiled as the sun came briefly through the window of our bedroom. Esme's bare skin glittered next to mine, and the sunlight reflected off the diamonds still at her neck, the only piece of clothing she wore.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered in her ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied. I would never hear those words enough times.

**~End Part Two~**

* * *

**Again with me and my sappy endings - I can't help myself. This was just going to be a typical romantic anniversary before I decided to mix it up with Carlisle being rubbish at finding her a present and Esme forgetting. After all, life isn't always picture perfect but it's those weird different little moments in life that make it great. (Sorry, it seems I'm in a sentimental mood.)**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on, not just this chapter, but this section as a whole. Reviews would be greatly appreciated as always :)**


	49. Reminder

**So this next section looks at Edward's rebellious period.**

* * *

**~Part Three: Broken into Pieces~**

1926

Edward

We had recently moved back to America – specifically Belcourt, North Dakota. For the first time in four years, Carlisle had begun working in a hospital again. Esme was Carlisle's housewife. I was her younger brother, and yet again re-enrolling in college.

"Remind me again why all three of us needed to come?" I asked.

_Because it helps if the humans see us all together, especially doing something as human as shopping,_ Carlisle replied patiently.

"Right," Esme said, consulting the list she had written as a prop. Esme seemed to actually enjoy these annoying motions of humanity we had to go through. "We need to go to the bakers, then the general store, then the butchers and then the grocers. And we need to stop by the tailors for the clothes I ordered."

"Why don't we separate?" Carlisle suggested. "You can go to the tailors and I'll get the food."

"OK. What about you, Edward?"

I thought about it for a moment. Much as I didn't want to be surrounded by the disgusting stench of human food, Esme would no doubt spend half an hour discussing the latest women's fashions at the tailors.

"I'll go with Carlisle," I finally announced, deciding I'd take human food over standing around awkwardly waiting for Esme.

"OK," Esme agreed. She gave Carlisle the list and a quick kiss before heading in the opposite direction.

Beside me, Carlisle chuckled. "Have you seen this list?" he asked me. I took a look at it. Not only had Esme written an exact list of human food – she had written things like 'For the cake' and 'For Carlisle's dinner' next to them.

_Anyone who looked at this would surely think we were human, _Carlisle thought, still amused by his wife's behaviour.

We had slowly, over the course of three years in Alaska, got Esme used to being around humans once more. The confidence she had gained in Canada prior to their wedding was ruined by her 'slip-up'. It had taken a lot of coaxing to encourage her to try again. But she had finally gained both control, and confidence in that control, to the point where Carlisle would not argue with us leaving her alone in the middle of town.

The move out of our secluded lifestyle in Alaska had, to my surprise, overjoyed Esme. She was glad that Carlisle would be able to begin his work as a doctor again, and I could return to school. It was just so Esme-like of her, always selfless and thinking of others. She also enjoyed the return of 'normality', or as close to normal as vampires can get, hence her happiness at doing mundane human tasks like shopping. Though both myself and Carlisle had worried she would get bored at home all day, she was more than willing to play the part of loving housewife and sister.

"What's next on the list?" Carlisle asked after we had been to both the bakers and the general store. "Ah, yes, the butchers. Apparently we're having chicken tonight, chicken stew tomorrow, beef on Wednesday, and then casserole on Thursday," he announced, reading from Esme's squiggly notes. He briefly wondered if he should be worried by his wife's behaviour, before deciding he would talk to her tonight.

Once we had finished all our shopping, we went to meet Esme outside the tailors. Just as I had predicted, she was deep in conversation about hemlines.

As we waited for her, Carlisle mused about how happy simple human contact could make his wife.

"Oh," Esme exclaimed, noticing Carlisle and myself. "My husband and brother are here. Do you think you could have that new dress you mentioned ready for me by next week?"

"Of course, Mrs. Cullen."

"Thank you."

"Another dress?" Carlisle teased her as she walked out the shop. She pinned him with her best glare.

"Do you want your wife to be fashionable or not?" she asked jokingly.

I watched on as they both simultaneous moved all their shopping bags into one hand so they had the other free to hold hands.

"I just want my wife to be happy," Carlisle whispered in her ear.

"I am," Esme told him. Carlisle decided to let the matter drop for the moment. If my hands hadn't been full of shopping, I would probably have been pinching the bridge of my nose in exasperation at this point.

Trying to block my parents' gushy thoughts from my own mind, I started to tune into those around me. It was the same old routine human thoughts.

_Have I left the stove on?_

_Why was David so late home last night?_

_These bloody kids better behave today._

_If I save my wages this week, I can take her out next week. _

_Please don't let him have hurt the baby. Ow, that' s still sore after last night. Please God, let my baby be OK!_

_Fucking bitch – she better not say anything._

The last two caught my attention. They came from a seemingly normal couple walking just in front of us. The woman was about six months pregnant. Her thoughts reminded me of Esme – she thought about her unborn baby the same way Esme had thought about William, and now thought about myself. A rush of anger filled me, aimed towards her despicable husband.

We finally arrived back at the Cadillac - I kept telling Carlisle we needed to purchase a newer car. Automatically, I began loading the bags into the boot of the car. The couple had stopped a short distance from us. I zoned in on my mother's thoughts, but she hadn't noticed anything, thankfully. She was wondering if Carlisle would let her keep some of the ingredients to make some meals to send to a local orphanage. A flood of affection for the caring vampire I had the luck to call my mother washed over me. Across the road, the man and his wife began an argument. I tried my hardest not to cringe at the thoughts in the woman's head; unfortunately there was nothing I could do to help her.

"Are we off?" I asked, trying to hurry up. The woman's thoughts were becoming increasingly hard to listen to, not helped by the fact they reminded me of my mother's human memories.

"Ow! John, you're hurting me!" The woman's whisper was too quiet for the humans to hear, but it was perfectly clear to vampires.

"You keep your darn mouth shut, Lillian, unless you want to walk into another door tonight," he snarled at her.

Both my parents had noticed them by now.

"_You know better than to say anything, right, Esme? Unless you want to be making another trip to the hospital tomorrow as well. Not that anyone would believe you anyway." _The voice of Charles Evenson threatened Esme in the now blurry memories. She remembered the feeling of helplessness she had felt, day in and day out, at his hands. She wished to be able to help the woman, but how? Her eyes settled on the woman's protruding bump. _That could have been me. Thank God I got us away, even if it did William no good in the end. _Another image flashed into her mind, this time it was not an actual memory, merely the memory of an imagined scene. In it, Charles hit her mercilessly while their son watched on, and once he was finished with Esme, he turned on their son, while Esme was helpless to stop him.

Carlisle tightened his arm around his wife's waist. In his memories I saw the women, Lillian, at the hospital. He had only seen her in passing, had never actually treated her himself, so he had never given her any thought until now. _If she had been my patient, what would I have done?_

"Let's go," he announced gravely. I give the couple a last look – surely they had to be something we could do to help her. I heard the same thought in both of my parents' mind. But they had both reached the same conclusion as I had – it was out of our control. Though Carlisle had decided he would say something to her if he saw her in the hospital again.

It was an uneasy ride home. None of us said anything as Carlisle drove - one hand on the wheel, the other clutching Esme's. The same thought kept going through Esme's mind. _I'm safe with Carlisle now. I'm safe with Carlisle now. _She repeated this over and over again; using the same technique she always did when there was something she wished to block from her thoughts.

I didn't help with the shopping once we finally arrived back home, storming straight into the house and into my room. I settled down at my piano, trying to use the familiar soothing activity to calm me. I tried to employ Esme's distraction technique, concentrating on the music rather than what I had heard today.

_Men like that deserve to die. _I gave up with the piano then, finally allowing myself to think the thoughts I had been trying to prevent. There was no doubt in my mind that men like John or Charles deserved to die. Of course, Carlisle did not agree. I never understand that. I understand his dedication to saving human life as a whole, but why save those who did not deserve to be saved? Why protect those that did nothing but sully the world with their existence?

_Edward. _Carlisle's mental call took me by surprise. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that his and Esme's had been pushed to the back of my mind for the moment. _Can I come in, son?_

"Yes," I replied.

_Are you OK, son?_

"Just fine," I replied. It was supposed to come out sounding nonchalant, but instead it came out bitter and sullen.

_What's wrong, son? _

"That man, that despicable man. How can we have just left her with him?"

_What other choice do we have?_

"I've told you before, Carlisle. Men like that don't deserve to live."

_We are not killers, Edward._

"Maybe we should be."

_It is not our place to decide who lives and who dies, that is God's decision alone._

"And yours," I spat at him. "Have you not twice saved those who God deemed ready to die? How can you tell me to leave decisions in God's hands when you have yourself done the exact opposite?"

_It's different, Edward. _I knew I had hit a sore spot now. That Carlisle was now trying to persuade himself just as much as he was I. Usually I would have stopped at this point, not wanting to hurt my father any more, but I had reached my breaking point. I'd had it with his holier-than-thou attitude, when, on this at least, he was nothing more than a hypocrite.

"How? How is it different, Carlisle?"

_I interfered to save your lives; you wish to interfere to end lives._

"What about the woman, Lillian, and her baby? Would I not be saving their lives by removing the scum that calls himself her husband off this earth?"

_It is not our decision, Edward. It is not our place to interfere. We must entrust their lives to God._

"Like you did. And look how will that turned out." That was a low blow and I knew it. But I couldn't stop myself. How could Carlisle be so calm and collected about all this? How could he not see I was right? Why was he so stubborn as to not accept that perhaps there were shades of grey in his unbending moral code?

_What?_

"Esme. When she was sixteen, you prayed for her to have a good life. And what did your precious God do? He threw her into the clutches of a monster."

_But He brought her back to me eventually._

"So that's fine, is it? It doesn't matter how much she suffered before because you got her back eventually?"

_Edward! I never said that. Of course I regret everything she went through._

"But if you saw Charles Evenson on the street you would simply walk past him?" My father's thoughts faltered for a moment, and though he tried to cover it up, I caught the slip. No. No he wouldn't. Even my pacifist father would like to be able to end Charles' abominable life. He never would, but a small part of him would have liked to.

"You see. You do understand. Give me one reason why we shouldn't go and kill that man after everything he did?"

_We should not lower ourselves to his level. If we go after him, how are we any better than him?_

"How are we any better than him?" I asked incredulously "We would never do the things he did. You would never hurt Esme."

_You're right, son. I would never hurt Esme. I could never go after him for that reason._

"That makes no sense, Carlisle. Don't you want her to feel safe? Aren't you supposed to love her?" I knew the moment the words left my mouth that I had gone too far. For the first time in our eight years together, Carlisle lost his temper.

_How dare you, Edward! To even suggest … _

He took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

_I will talk to you later, Edward. When you have calmed down._

"We should go hunt him down, Carlisle, and you know it. Give me one reason why I shouldn't go and remove the tarnish of his presence from this Earth?"

_You'll do no such thing, Edward. _The words were not an answer, or a suggestion, but undeniably an order. This only caused to infuriate me more. _How dare he order me about when he is being nothing more than a hypocrite? What gives him the right?_

He left my room and I heard him head towards his office, his thoughts still churning over our conversation. To no surprise to me, they revealed he was not going to bend on this point anytime soon. He would cling to his belief that God had a plan for everyone, and it was not his own place to interfere, at least not in the violent manner I had suggested. He even tried to persuade himself that I was wrong, that he had not interfered with Esme's and my deaths, merely that God had placed him in the right place at the right time.

_Hypocrite._

How stupid to cling to a belief in God when one was a damned creature. How foolish to act to protect souls that no longer existed. He did not want me killing people in cold blood because he believed it would tarnish my soul. How could I tarnish something he had stripped away from me?

Finally deciding I could reside in Carlisle's head no longer, I swapped to my mother's. Hers was no happier place to be right now. Though she had been trying her hardest not to listen, she had gathered we were arguing about Charles. She wondered if he had another wife now, and if he abused this second wife as well. But then I heard something she must have been trying to keep hidden from me until now. A completely irrational fear, but still one that plagued her. What if Charles somehow managed to find her? Of course, she was a vampire now, he wouldn't have been able to touch her, but she seemed to forget that fact whenever Charles plagued her thoughts. He had always made her fearful, and so she still was, even when in her rational mind she knew he could no longer do her any harm.

"Edward? I'm going to take Esme hunting, do you wish to come with us?" Carlisle called through my door.

"No," I replied. I was still angry at Carlisle for our exchange of harsh words earlier. Carlisle walked away, his thoughts full of talking to me later.

A minute later, my mother's timid voice floated through the door. "Edward? Are you sure you don't want to come with us? You haven't hunted in awhile." Esme's thoughts were only concerned for me. How anyone could ever have hurt someone as sweet and gentle as her was a mystery to me. Her kindness and love only made me want to hunt down Charles Evenson that much more.

"No, Esme. I'm fine," I replied gently, I was not angry with her.

I heard the pair of them leave, Esme was fretting over my well-being and Carlisle was still smarting from our argument earlier.

I tried to concentrate once more on my music. But I couldn't push the thought from my head. If I went now I could get there before Carlisle could ever catch up. It was a snap decision, one I wouldn't have made if I had not still be fuming over my argument with Carlisle, and if I'd stopped and thought about it I would not have done it. But I was furious and filled with a desperate need to do _something. _I had not been able to save the poor woman called Lillian, but I would make sure my sweet mother never had to live in fear again. I would do what my hypocrite of a father was too cowardly to do.

In one swift movement I was out the door.

* * *

**As for where the Cullens have moved to - I'll be honest, I picked a place near the Canadian border at random. I have no idea if it would be suitable for vampires or not (also I'm rubbish at Geography, I don't even know where half the cities in Britain are and I live here!)**

**Reviews are always appeciated :)**


	50. Charles' End

1926

_Carlisle_

It had been a complete shock to the pair of us when we returned home to find Edward gone. We had returned only five minutes after we left, Esme's motherly concern for our son, and her knowledge of how much his words had hurt me no matter how much I tried to hide, making it so she could not bare for us to separate on such bad terms, even if it was for just a few hours.

We had followed his scent, expecting to find he had gone on a hunt of his own. As we crossed each state border, our joint panic grew. Once we crossed the border into Ohio, I knew exactly where he was going. He was hunting - but a very different sort of prey.

I had left Esme in the woodland near the outskirts of Columbus, she had no desire to go anywhere near the house where she had suffered so much again.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"You don't want to do this, Edward." Edward turned around at the sound of my voice. He was stood in the middle of Charles Evenson's living room.

"Oh, I don't, do I?" Edward hissed. "He deserves it. How can you live with yourself, knowing he's still alive and you do nothing about it?"

"We are not murderers, Edward."

"Not murderers? We're vampires, Carlisle, designed to kill, and that man up there deserves to die. You don't have to see it in her mind. The way he beat her and raped her. How can you stand there and tell me to let that monster live? You're supposed to love her!"

"I do love her, Edward, and you know it. Esme doesn't want this." It was only that knowledge that kept me here. For as much as I might despise myself for it, there was a part of me that wanted to kill Charles Evenson just as much as Edward did.

"Carlisle's right, I don't want this." We both turned round at the sound of the new voice.

"Esme," I said in surprise. "I thought you were going to wait in the wood." She had been so very clear in her desire to not have to come back to this house ever again, and who could blame her.

"I couldn't stay there, not knowing what was happening."

"We should leave," I announced, wrapping my arm tenderly around my wife and steering her towards the front door. I wanted to get us all out of here before someone got hurt, either literally or figuratively.

"He deserves to die," Edward growled.

"He is a monster, no doubt, but I won't have you become one also over someone like him," Esme told him sternly. Still Edward didn't move. "Please, let's go," she pleaded.

Just then the sound of bedsprings creaking came from upstairs, followed by the sound of feet landing on the floor.

"Edward, we have to go," I said desperately. If Charles came downstairs he would surely recognise Esme. And I wasn't certain I could be in the same room with the man who had brutalised my precious wife without killing him myself.

Edward's eyes flickered between the stairs and us.

"Please, Edward," Esme pleaded.

"Whose there?" a male voice shouted.

_Please, Edward. You are not a monster, son!_

Suddenly, Edward took off up the stairs, and I followed behind him.

"She doesn't want this, Edward. If she did, I'd do it myself." Edward turned to look at me in shock. But I knew my thoughts would reveal I was telling the truth.

"Who are you?" We both turned in shock to look at Charles Evenson. Hatred unlike anything I had ever felt before boiled up in me. This was the man who had hurt Esme. I remembered when I had first found Esme in the morgue. Bruised and broken, she was no longer the carefree girl whose leg I had once fixed. Charles had done that to her. My sweet, loving wife, who completed me in so many ways, this man had treated like she was worth nothing. Never in over two centuries had the need to kill filled me so strongly.

"What are you doing in my house?" Charles stood closer to the two of us, trying to act threatening.

"Answer me," he ordered, before going to grab Edward. In one fluid movement, Edward moved out of his way, and Charles was left to stumble into the now empty space where he had stood.

I knew I should do something to stop this. That I should make sure I got Edward and Esme, especially Esme, out of here right now. But I was too busy trying to control my instincts. Not since my newborn days had I been so desperate to kill. But it wasn't my throat that called for me to kill. I did not want the man's blood. I just wanted him dead.

"What are you?" Charles stammered, staring in horror at the pair of us.

"We're here to make you pay for what you did," Edward said menacingly, walking toward him.

Charles backed away, until he stumbled down the top of the stairs, righting himself about four steps down. Edward and I followed.

_Esme's down there, son, don't let him near her_. I no longer knew whether I wanted this man to live or die. But I knew for certain I did not want my wife to have to come face to face with her human torturer.

But the decision was taken out of my hands, as Charles tripped and fell down the rest of the stairs, landing in the living room.

Esme gasped and Charles turned around at the sound.

"You!" Charles hissed. "You dare to come back, you little whore. They told me you were dead, and good riddance to you. And now you're back." Charles raised his fist to hit her, as he had done throughout their marriage.

I saw nothing but red. As I saw the monster I loathed raise his fist to hit the woman I loved, my entire vision went red and I acted on instinct. Before Charles got a chance to touch Esme, I had him pined against the wall, my mouth at the fiend's neck. Every long buried vampire instinct was now telling me to kill.

"Carlisle, no!" I heard my wife shout behind me. Her shout reminded me of who I was and what I believed in.

I was not a killer, but that thought alone would not have been enough to stop me at this point.

_Esme doesn't what this_. It was that thought that stopped me. I had promised to be a better husband to her than the man I currently held in my grasp. I would not sink to his level, she deserved better than that.

"You live because of her," I hissed in Charles' ear, and then I let him go.

"What are you freaks?" Charles shouted. Nobody answered, but Esme took a step forward.

"Listen to me, Charles. You will never hurt me again. You have no power over me now. You are a despicable man, and you live simply because I will not waste another minute of my life worrying over you," Esme hissed at him. I had never heard her sound so angry before, and a surge of pride filled me as I realized the strength it must have taken for her to finally stand up to this man who she had feared for so long.

Behind her, Edward snorted. "You can try, but you may have noticed we're not exactly normal." He was clearly responding to something in Charles' thoughts.

"Edward," I said warningly.

"That plan I like," Edward said calmly. Charles scurried off upstairs.

"Come on, we need to leave," Edward announced flatly. I took hold of Esme's hand and together all three of us left the house.

"What is he planning, Edward?" Esme asked.

"He was planning to shot us, but now he has a different use for the gun." Just as he spoke the sound of a gunshot came from within the house they had just left.

"Problem solved," Edward said grimly and then ran ahead. Esme looked shocked, and I turned to face her, waiting for her reaction.

"He's dead," she said unbelievingly.

I didn't know how to feel; usually I detested any waste of human life. But with Charles Evenson, I could make an exception. The man who had ruined my wife's human life was dead. Though I knew it was wrong, that thought give me a grim sort of contentment.

* * *

**Many of you thought that this was going to be the beginning of Edward's rebellious phase, and for those reviewers who I promised a twist or an unexpected surprise to I hope I didn't disappoint.**

**The way I see it, even perfectly controlled Carlisle is going to lose it when faced with the man who used to abuse his wife. **

**As for Charles' final decision – Edward will be giving us more insight into that next chapter.**

**So what did you make of this twist? Do you agree that Carlisle would have lost it just as I portrayed? What did you make of Esme finally having the strength to stand up to Charles? And what did you think of Charles' ultimate end? Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	51. The Little Girl

1927

_Edward_

It all came to a head because of a little girl. A little girl who feared her daddy.

It had been just under a year since I went to Columbus with the intent of ending a man's life. A year of mixed emotions in our household. I'd lost count of the number of times I had argued with Carlisle. After all, how could he preach patience and understanding at me when he had nearly killed a man? How could he tell me I couldn't hunt similar men down when he had so nearly done the same? Was his wife the only woman worth protecting? Each time he would patiently explain his reasoning to me, showing me how ashamed he was off his actions that day. But why was he ashamed? He had been acting on behalf on Esme, acting to defend his wife. How was that something to be ashamed off?

Though Charles was dead, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in the way it had all ended. It had been a cowardly decision on his behalf. He had never thought he would face retribution for what he did to Esme. So when suddenly the tables were turned, and he was the weak one, he decided to take the coward's way out, scared to face the retribution he so justly deserved after the way he had treated her. He lived a coward's life, afraid to step up and face the realities of life, instead taking all his anger out on a source he knew could not fight out, and he died a coward's death. But he got some satisfaction from the fact that his death was at least in his control, and I wished we had not given that. He deserved to die feeling powerless, just like he had always made Esme feel. At least he died afraid, in fear of the strange creatures who he knew wanted to kill him if he did not do so himself.

_If you're so determined that Carlisle is wrong, why don't you just leave? _It was a good question, with the daily tension in our house, why was I still staying? Carlisle did not need me around anymore - he had Esme. Yet I knew that, despite all the arguments we'd had in the last year, despite my now routinely habit of shouting at him and then storming off to vent my frustrations on my piano, despite the fact that I was acting as I had as a newborn or even worse, the very last thing Carlisle wanted was for me to leave. Esme was the same, she was so worried I was going to pack up and leave one day. So scared to lose another son. How could I possibly do that to her? She was trying her hardest to smooth over the situation – she just wanted the two men she loved (albeit in very different ways) to be happy again. So why couldn't I be? If I simply dropped the matter and allowed us to go back to the way our lives had been beforehand, then we could go back to playing happy families. But that was it, wasn't it? It was all a play, a façade. We were not humans. We were vampires. Vampires did not have families. We did not go to school, or work at hospitals, or write fake shopping lists. We killed people. Simple as. That was what my throat, my body, called for me to do everyday. What I was designed to do.

At the start, I had been able to see things in the same shades of black and white as Carlisle does. It was bad to kill people; therefore I did not want to kill. I wanted to be like my creator, my mentor. In those early years I looked up to Carlisle as an example of what I should strive to be like. But nine years of hearing people's thought can change your attitudes towards such things. I saw into people's minds and I saw those who were not worthy of my mercy. As I repeatedly told Carlisle, there are some humans who don't deserve to live.

So we all knew we were living on borrowed time. That it was only so long before something else happened and our struggling family imploded.

That something had been the day I was in the library getting some books for Esme and myself and had first heard the girl's thoughts. She would stay in there as long as she could without being kicked out. She was scared to return home, scared of her Daddy. She wondered why Mommy never stopped him. However, I did not catch why she was afraid. She tried not to think about.

It was my sympathy for that little girl that caused my argument with Carlisle that night. How could he tell me not to intervene? Even Esme's thoughts had been in correlation with mine, she worried the girl's father was like Charles. I lost my temper at Carlisle yet again, bringing in the one line I always knew was a low blow. "So you only act to defend your own wife and anybody else matters to you? Is that it, Carlisle? So much for your goddamn compassion."

Two days later, I heard the thoughts of the girl's father. Suddenly I knew exactly what she was so afraid it was. It was even worse than what myself and Esme had imagined. How could anyone force such a young girl to do such acts? The man was the lowest of the low; there was no doubt in my mind that he deserved to die. Yet I knew how my parents would react if I was to follow through with my plans.

Somehow the argument that night had escalated. I'd had it with Carlisle's pathetic excuses about God and plans. About murder not being acceptable no matter what the situation. He did not understand. He would never understand.

And so that was how I found myself running away from the place I had once called home. I tried to rid my head of the images. Esme sobbing. Carlisle's disapproving face. So infuriating I had lost my temper and thrown a chair at him, wanting to break that irritatingly patient face with the compassionate eyes. I wouldn't think of them. They were on one path and I was going down another now.

_This is the right thing to do_, I kept telling himself. _Carlisle is a fool with his way of life. This is how it's supposed to be._

I was running back towards the town, where I had first heard the thoughts of the man I had so desperately wanted to kill. And now that I was no longer tied down by Carlisle's ideology, I could.

It didn't take me long to find the fiend, his thoughts filled with what he was going to do once he got home and went into his daughter's bedroom.

_That little girl will be safe soon._

As the man walked down the abandoned alley, I struck. The sweet taste of the elixir I had denied myself for nine years trickled down my burning throat. It was heavenly, so much nicer in reality than through Carlisle or Esme's thoughts.

I looked down at the blood-drained corpse. _My first victim_. My thoughts turned to the man's daughter. _And the first person I've saved._


	52. A Night Out

1928

_Carlisle_

It had been just over a year since my son violently left my life. For the first few weeks we waited. I kept waiting at the hospital for the phone call from Esme telling me our son was home. After the first month, we admitted that perhaps he wasn't coming home anytime soon. But we were still waiting, for surely he would be home eventually.

Of course, I still had Esme, but there was a hole in our family. I tried to throw myself into my marriage, clinging to my wife for she was all I had left. I needed her love. I needed to know that she was still there, that I hadn't failed her as well. That she wasn't going to leave any time soon. But no matter how I tried to distract myself, I still missed my son. He had been a part of my life for nine years, had been the one to originally pull me out of my depression and loneliness, how could I not miss him? Even though Esme had come along and changed my life for the better yet again three years later, I had still thoroughly enjoyed those years where it was just my new companion and I. And now – now he was gone. Even worse, I didn't know when he would come back. I kept telling Esme he would come home soon, but I was as much trying to reassure myself.

I pulled up outside our house, and cleared my head. It would do no good to let Esme see me like this. For she grieved for our son just as much as I did, if not more, for this was the second son she had lost. Sometimes I would grow unspeakably angry with Edward. _How could he do this to us? To his mother? Surely he had to have known how much this stunt of his would hurt her, hurt us both?_

"Esme?" I called once I arrived home.

"Upstairs, Carlisle." I went into our bedroom and was surprised by what I found there. My wife was dressed up to the nines. Her hair was piled elegantly on top of her hair and she was wearing a dark blue flapper dress, with matching heels, that I couldn't help but noticed accentuated her legs. She looked absolutely breath taking, even to a being that no longer needs to breathe.

"Going somewhere?" I asked.

"No, _we're _going somewhere," she replied, pointing at the suit that was laid out on the bed.

"OK. Where are _we _going?"

"We're going to have some fun, Carlisle. We've spent the last year waiting for Edward to return. But we can't spend our entire lives moping around missing our lost son. I know I'm just as bad, if not worse. But for just one night, we're going to go out, and we're going to be just Carlisle and Esme. Not parents missing a son. Not doctors. Not even vampires. Just Carlisle and Esme Cullen – husband and wife."

"So where exactly are Carlisle and Esme going to do?"

"We're going to go to the theater and then we're going to go dancing at a jazz club," she told me. She took a step forward and whispered in my ear, "and then we're going to come back here and have even more fun." She nibbled my earlobe gently before beginning to walk away. My entire body tingled. I grasped her arm gently and pulled her back to me.

"Can't we just skip to the more fun part now?" I whispered against her skin, as I began to kiss down her neck, and then the parts of her chest exposed by her low neckline. She shook her head.

"I did not spend a hour getting ready just for you to mess it all up." Reluctantly, I stopped my onslaught of kisses.

"Afterwards," she promised in my ear. "Now get changed, mister!" she ordered, giving me a playful swat on the bottom, followed by a kiss. She returned to doing her make-up in the mirror while I quickly got dressed.

We were sat in the Cadillac, Esme giving me instructions on how to get to the theater where she had booked us tickets.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, where did this idea come from?" I asked, curious.

"I wanted some time with my husband," she replied. Her words made me feel guilty, I had been working longer hours at the hospital recently as a distraction, but I had not thought of my poor wife stuck alone at home.

"Esme, I'm so-"

She cut me off with a sigh. "Don't apologize, Carlisle. Contrary to popular belief, everything isn't your fault."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too." My lips meet hers. The car skidded a little bit.

"Eyes on the road, Dr. Cullen," she reminded me.

The play we went to see was actually very interesting, a Shakespearian comedy

"Did you ever see a play performed in actual Shakespearian time?" she asked me as we left, I couldn't tell if she was teasing me or not.

"You're a century out, Esme," I told her.

"When was Shakespeare around then?"

"The 16th century – Elizabethan era. Where are we going now?"

"Dancing," she told me. She led the way through the town until we came to a jazz club. Once we were inside, my wife led me directly to the dance floor.

"Everyone's staring," she whispered self-consciously.

"Well, who can blame them? You do look extraordinarily beautiful tonight," I whispered back. I knew the stares were just a side effect of our physical lures; after all I had endured centuries of nurses flirting with me, but I still didn't like men leering at _my _wife like that.

I tried copying my wife's style of dancing to the new genre of music. It was very different to the music I was used to.

The music changed once more and the dancers all around us began to dance in synchronization. It was some wild flapper dance. To my surprise my wife began copying their dance moves, though she was not as confident in her movements as some of the other dancers.

"Esme? What are you doing?" I asked incredulously.

"It's the Charleston, Carlisle. Just copy me." I tried to copy her jerky movements, but I fear I was only making a fool out of myself. Thankfully, the song came to an end soon enough.

I pulled my wife to me into a more conventional dancing position, holding her tight against me as we twirled slowly in a circle, completely out of pace with the fast music playing.

"They don't dance like this in these places," she told me.

"I don't care," I replied, pulling her closer. I didn't want to let go, I had my wife safe in my arms and I wanted to stay that way. She smiled and we did indeed stay that way, if only for a few songs. I'm sure if I had bothered to look I would have noticed plenty of humans giving us weird looks, but I did not look up. I was concentrating solely on the women in my arms. My wife. My Esme.

"Let's go get a drink," she finally suggested. Reluctantly, I let her go. She smiled slightly at my obvious reluctance, and gave me a quick kiss before leading me by the hand off the dance floor.

At the bar I ordered us both drinks, though of course neither of us would drink them.

I passed Esme her drink, and she began twirling the thin black straw, making the ice clank together.

"Are you having a good time?" Esme asked me, sounding slightly nervous. To my surprise I found I actually was – for the first time in a long time. Too long a time.

"Of course, I am, darling. I'm with you."

"Let's go dance again!" she exclaimed. I couldn't help but smile at my wife's enthusiasm.

~O~ ~o~ ~O~

We were curled up together on our bed, after 'coming back and having even more fun', as Esme had worded it earlier.

"Carlisle?" my wife said my name hesitantly.

"Yes, dear?"

"Do you think he'll ever come home?" I didn't have to ask whom she meant.

"Someday," I promised, though I shouldn't have. I knew as little about our son's plans as she did. I was so certain my son would come home because I had to be – I couldn't admit to myself there was a chance he would never return. Just like in the year beforehand, when I had refused to admit to myself the very real possibility that he would leave.

"Carlisle?" Again she said my name with hesitance.

"Yes, dear?"

"Do … do you remember that woman, Lillian?" Of course I did, it had been her dreadful plight that had set the wheels in motion for this whole affair.

"Yes," I replied cautiously.

"Last month I saw her in town again. She had a little baby girl … and she was pregnant again. I … I couldn't just walk past and leave her again. Not when I know what it felt like to be in that situation."

"So what did you do?" I asked, genuinely curious. What way had my sweet caring wife found to help the poor woman?

"I … I told her to run. That I had been in her situation before, and she had to run away … if only for her children's sake. I … I even gave her some money." She watched me nervously, as though she expected me to be angry.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me this last month?"

She suddenly became very interested in the pattern on the cushion case, tracing it with her fingers while not looking at me.

"I thought you'd be angry," she admitted. "Because it's not exactly good for our ability to blend in for me to around drawing extra attention to myself like that."

"I'm not angry, Esme," I told her, pulling her closer. "I'm glad you did something to help her. I just wish you'd felt able to tell me this last month when it happened."

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"There's no need to apologize. You did a good thing. It's my own fault for making you scared to tell me. _I'm _sorry."

She sighed. "There's no need for you to apologize either."

I couldn't help but smile slight as the irony of this entire situation, though there was a definite edge to my smile. "We're both as bad as each other, I guess."

"Oh no. You're much, much worse," my wife informed me.

"I'm so-" I stopped myself just in time. My wife gave a little snort of laughter, but managed to suppress the majority of it. "Do you think she listened?" I asked. "Lillian," I clarified.

"I hope so," my wife answered sadly. A silence fell over us until I felt I had to speak again.

"I'm your husband, Esme. I'm supposed to be here for you, no matter what. Never be scared to talk to me."

"That works both ways you know," she retorted. She made a good point. I had been keeping so much bottled up inside me since Edward left, scared to upset her anymore.

"I'll try to keep that in mind, I promise."

"So, do you _honestly_ think he'll definitely come home one day?"

I looked into my wife's golden eyes while she waited for a truthful answer. She wanted me to tell her the truth, to help me face the pain that truth would bring to me. But I couldn't offload my pain on my precious wife, not when she had already been through so much. So I looked into the beautiful eyes that I love, and I lied.

"Yes."

* * *

**Carlisle trying to dance the Charleston - that image amuses me everytime. (I have a weird sense of humor.)**

**Reviews are always greatly appreciated. What do your thoughts on how Carlisle and Esme are coping without their son?**


	53. United We Stand

1929

_Esme_

Carlisle was in one of his melancholy moods again. He had come home from the hospital and given me only a quick hello and a kiss to the cheek before going upstairs to his office. Today, I could tell, was going to be a 'really bad day', as I called them.

Not every day was like that. Some days we could laugh and smile and be happy as a couple. Those are the good days. Most days are neither good nor bad. They are just … average. OK.

The bad days were when we remembered what, or who, was missing. Though he never said it aloud, I knew Carlisle thought it was entirely his fault. That was the sort of person my husband was, he could see the good in everyone else, but not in himself. I knew he thought he was the one who drove Edward away. That he was constantly debating in his head whether he made the right decision in changing Edward.

I followed my husband into his office. He put aside the book he had been reading, though I would have guessed at him not actually have been reading it much as he was to caught up in his own self-flagellating thoughts.

Without a word I went and sat down in his lap, as they always did his arms tightened automatically around me.

"Talk to me," I encouraged.

He gave a sigh. "You always know, don't you?" he asked softly.

"Of course I do, I'm your wife. Now talk to me." I knew this was a fruitless mission. That no matter how much I encouraged him my husband would keep everything inside - scared to upset me. It had always been an issue in our marriage, but our current circumstance only accentuated it. When he didn't start talking, I decided to cut to the chase.

"You can't keep blaming yourself," I told him.

I knew what I'd say next. He knew what I'd say next. We had had this conversation enough times over the last two years. I was watching him beat myself up for the inside, and all I wanted was for him to stop, but he didn't seem able to. And so I continued the conversation as always.

"It was Edward's decision, not yours," I reminded him yet again.

"But it was my decision to change him. If I hadn't changed him, then all those people he's killing would still be alive," he retorted.

There was a long silence. This was the part of the conversation where I chickened out. I had something else I wanted to ask, needed to ask. But I didn't have the courage to ask it; in fear of getting the answer I was so scared to receive.

So these conversations always ended the same way. The silence would continue, I would hesitate for a moment, then stop myself, give a little sigh, say something along the lines of 'It's not your fault', place my arms around him, kiss his cheek, say 'I love you', and then we would just sit together, allowing him to hold me close and remind him that not everything was wrong. That I was still here. Neither of us ever said anything about the long hours we would sit, still as marble statues, but we both knew the comfort we gained from it.

But today, I finally gained the courage to say my next line.

"Do you wish you hadn't changed Edward?" I asked him quietly.

"I don't know," he answered. He looked so sad; I couldn't stop myself from placing my arms around him, as if my touch could make the pain go away.

But that wasn't the only burning question I had. There was another, one I couldn't bring myself to ask and yet had been swirling around my head for many months. A question I dreaded the answer to.

I had seen how guilty Carlisle felt because he had created Edward, therefore holding himself responsible for Edward's actions. But I had made a terrifying realization. Carlisle had also created me and I had also killed. I had 'slipped-up' during my terrifying newborn year. The idea that my caring, compassionate husband had even felt this guilt because of me horrified me. But worse than even that was the thought that if Carlisle might think he should never have created Edward, his own son, does this also mean that someday he could think he shouldn't have created me?

It was a thought I tried my hardest to banish. I knew that Carlisle loved me more then anything, but all those old emotions from years ago, after each kill, still haunted me. I had killed. I had hurt him. I wasn't worthy.

He had told me after each one that it didn't matter, that he would always love me. But what if it was me that had become the full-time murderer? I had tasted human blood and it was a taste I would always crave - I couldn't deny that. It was only the knowledge of the pain it would cause the man who I loved that stopped me from seeking it out full-time.

But what if I kept 'slipping up'? I had already proven in my eight years as a vampire that I could kill. What if, as the decades went on, the slip ups continued and my body count kept getting higher and higher? How many murders would it be before Carlisle could look at me and struggle to see someone he could love? And, as I had recently discovered, as my body count went up so, in his mind, did Carlisle's. And if I just kept hurting him, would it get to the point where he would wish he had never changed me? Just like I already suspected he wished about Edward

I tried to process his vague answer to my question about changing Edward. But I couldn't make sense of it. However I guessed it proved me right when I assumed that it was something he had been thinking about.

Then there was a long silence, as we just stood there, my head on his chest, neither of us saying anything.

"I've killed as well." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. _No! I wasn't doing this! I wasn't going to hurt him even more!_

"They were mistakes, love," he whispered softly in my ear. "No one's holding you accountable."

"Are you holding yourself accountable?" I asked in a voice that was barely a whisper, so quiet even our ears would struggle to pick it up. There was more silence, which answered my question.

"What if I keep making mistakes?" I asked, pushing myself away from him and standing up, freeing myself from his arms, though why I don't know - guess a part of me felt I didn't belong there.

I continued my questions without pause. The floodgates had opened now it seemed and so I was speaking without thinking, speaking the fears that plagued me so. Without stopping to consider the consequences of my words - his pain.

"You're considering if you should have left Edward to die. What about if I keep killing, keep slipping up? How long until you're considering my death count and thinking it would have been better if I had died to?" I whispered dejectedly.

I heard him gasp, sucking in the air we no longer needed. I risked a glance at his face. It told me all I needed to know. I'd really done it now, as if things weren't bad enough, as if he wasn't hurting enough, I just had to add to that pain, that burden, didn't I? _Stupid, selfish, cruel woman._

"I could never wish that," he said softly, standing up and pulling me into his arms once more. "Surely you know that? What do I have to do to prove that to you?" he asked desperately.

"It's never made sense, you lo-," I began to say, but I was cut off when his lips met mine and we held the kiss for several seconds. Even after eight years of marriage, I still enjoyed the sensation of his lips on mine.

"I love you," he said, as he pulled away from the kiss, yet pulled my body back into our embrace.

"I love you too," I replied, kissing him again. "But please, let me help you." It was all I wanted. I just wanted to erase his pain.

"You are," he said simply, holding me closer.

At some point he had sat down again, pulling me with him. I don't know how long we sat like that, just being comforted by the others presence when I finally spoke up again.

"You shouldn't have to suffer alone, Carlisle. I'm here. I love you. We need to talk to each other. To work on things together."

"We will from here on, I promise, love." With lapsed once more in silence. Neither of us moving. Neither of us wishing to. We were together, united as one, and that was all that matter. As long as that never changed, we could fight through anything.

* * *

**I think I may have mentioned it before but, reviews are greatly appreciated. Since the last chapter went up this story went over 400 reviews, which is just mind-boggling considering I've never had a review count above about 40 before. So I liked to say a big 'thank you' to everyone who has reviewed this stroy, especially you lovely people who review regularly.**


	54. Divided We Fall

1930

_Carlisle_

Three years. It was three years to the day since my son left. I would never have imagined he would be gone this long.

However, life (for want of a better word) goes on, as they say. I go through the motions of my days, my routines, as I've done for centuries. Except now I'm no longer alone. If the me of hundred years ago (or even twenty years ago) could get one look at Esme and me right now, and know that was what his future held, he would have expected that he would be the happiest man (or vampire) on Earth right now. However, nowadays I know what happens in-between now and then, therefore I remember an even happier time. The time when there were three of us - a _family_ of three.

Some days I find myself sitting down and thinking about everything that has happened in the last twelve years. When I sit by myself, alone with my troubled thoughts, and mentally torture myself by second-guessing and reconsidering every decision I've made since that fateful day in Chicago in 1918 - particularly the decision I made that day. The decision to save a life. Or damn someone for all eternity. Depending on what way you look at it and recently it's begun to seem to me to be more like the latter. Though I suspect my wife knows what it going on in my mind in those moments I never say anything to her, for fear of upsetting her. Ever since she mentioned her fears that I could ever wish to have not changed her – a ridiculous irrational fear, how could I ever wish to not have the one thing with the ability to make me happy? – I decided it is safer to not share these thoughts with her. I do not wish to upset her, not after everything else that has happened.

Today I was sitting in our living room, in my favorite armchair by the fire, reading a medical journal. My wife sat next to me sewing. We were both trying to pretend today was just another normal day. But of course we both remembered, it was just neither of us wanted to say anything. I was only pretending to read the medical journal. My actual thoughts were somewhere else entirely, somewhere I kept trying to stop them from straying to, but they seemed to return there with increasing frequency.

_I've spent nearly three centuries fighting to protect human life. Yet I was now responsible for an untold number of deaths. I wouldn't even like to guess at the figure._

It didn't matter how many times my wife told me it wasn't my fault. I had created Edward and therefore every murder of his I was also accountable for.

When Esme had asked me if I wished I hadn't changed Edward, I had told her I wasn't certain, and that was the truth.

It was a question I had asked myself many times. On the one hand I had created a murderer, but on the other hand, I had created the boy who for nine years I had considered my son. I remembered him as the boy who could spend hours lovingly fine-tuning some composition on the piano, which I had bought for him after discovering his love of music. He was the son who had brought companionship and familial love to my life after three lonely centuries. If only he could change his mind, come back, then I would be proud to call him my son again. But I couldn't envisage that ever happening any more, much as I wished for it, and if that was so, then what had my selfish decision in that Chicago hospital achieved for anyone?

It had doomed countless faceless nameless humans to die, and though I knew nothing of them, and though if Edward had stuck to his initial plan they would be humans most would consider unworthy of mourning, I still hated the thought of their deaths. It had trapped an innocent young boy, one who should have been allowed to join his parents in death and in heaven, to an eternity as a monster, a murderer, never allowed the peace his death would have brought him. I had done that to him, for my own selfish want. And in the end of it all, I had lost him as a companion, as a son, anyway.

In a way the pain his leaving caused me was my punishment - for what I had done to him, what I had made him. I should have left him to die; he would be at peace now. I told myself this time and time again, and yet I would imagine him returning home and couldn't fully get myself to agree

"Why hasn't he come home yet?" my wife asked into the silence. She put down her sewing and I in turn put down the book I wasn't truly reading.

"I don't know, love."

"We should go get him."

I sighed, not this again. "We wouldn't even know where to begin," I explained yet again.

"So we're just suppose to sit around and do nothing?" she snapped at me.

"Well, what do you suggest we do then, Esme?" My sharp words surprised me. I had never spoken so harshly to her before. But her continued insistence that we should do something was beginning to grate on me. Did she not think I wanted to go find our son just as much as she did? That if there were anything I could do, I wouldn't have done it already?

"I don't know," she admitted. "I just what him home."

I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arm around her waist as her head settled into my shoulder.

"Me too, love. Me too."

Neither of us had ever imagined he would not be home by now. But he wasn't, and at this point who was to say he was ever coming home. Maybe he truly was enjoying his new life, or maybe something had happened to him. I pushed that thought from my mind as soon as it entered it. If something had happened to him, if another vampire had got him, how could I ever forgive myself? I was supposed to be his creator, his father. It was my job to protect him, and I had no doubt failed. Esme was right – we should go get him, the problem was that doing so was near impossible. We didn't even know if he was still on the same continent, he could have been anywhere.

"He will come back eventually, won't he?" my wife asked quietly.

"Of course, love. Of course," I promised. An empty promise, for how did I know if he was coming home or not. I had told these lies to my wife so many times I was even beginning to believe them myself.

To my surprise, Esme's response was to stand up out of my embrace. She stared down at me, her usually elegant face twisted into a scowl.

"Don't lie to me, Carlisle," she said angrily. So my comforting lies were not helping her, she had seen through them. "I know there's a chance he's never coming home. And I know you know. So you can stop sugar-coating everything so as not to upset your delicate little wife." I had never heard my wife so annoyed before.

"Esme-" I began.

"I'm not stupid, Carlisle."

"I don't think you are, love."

"No, no you don't," she said offhandedly. "You see me as like this … precious China doll. To be handled with care, as if I'm going to break at any moment. It's like you have to protect me and swaddle me at every step. You can't protect me from every hurt there is in the world, Carlisle.

"How many times have we agreed that we need to talk things through together, work together? Support each other through bad times. And yet you seem to think that I'm not strong enough or something. I want us to go through everything together, as a couple, even the bad things. But you won't let me. I love you because you care you so much for me, that you want to protect me, and because I know you'd do anything to stop me from getting hurt.

"But … lying to me," she said the words incredulously, "even if you are trying to protect me. White lies are still lies, Carlisle, even if they're said to stop someone getting hurt. Marriage works both ways, Carlisle. Have you have stopped and thought while you're molly-coddling me, that maybe I might want to help you just as much. That I hate to see you hurt just as much as well." She sighed at the end of her little speech. I would never have guessed that was how she felt. Yet there was so much truth in her accusations. Had I gone too far in my steps to protect her?

But she wasn't quite finished. "It's like you see me as broken, and it's your job to fix me. But who's fixing you, Carlisle? Since you won't let me."

"Esme, I-"

"You're sorry. I'm right; we should work on things together," she said sarcastically. "Do the words sound familiar, Carlisle? They should do, you've said them before. But it doesn't stop you. You say you agree with me - that we should work together. And then you keep on with your one-man mission to take everything on yourself, while cocooning me away from it all." She was beginning to rant now.

"Esme-" Once more I began trying to speak, even though I didn't know what to say. She was so right in her accusations, and I had no defence for my actions except that I loved her. Again she cut me off.

"I can't talk to you right now, because I'm going to say things I regret. But please, think about what I've said. I can't spend the rest of eternity in this one-sided marriage." She turned to leave the room, leaving me speechless of the sofa.

"I love you," I finally managed to whisper once she had left. It was the only defence I had. I don't know if she had heard it or not. I heard her collapse upstairs on our bed.

My mind was still reeling. How had I managed to alienate my wife so badly in my misguided attempts to protect her? I had thought we were working together, but she was right. I still wasn't letting her in. I was doing nothing but keeping everything to myself while whispering comforting white lies in her ear.

How had I divided us so badly? To the point where even my own wife couldn't stand to be in the same room as me. I was doing it again, pushing everyone away. Was this why Edward left? Was he so fed up with my desire to protect and swaddle those I tried to claim for my own? Was I the overbearing father he couldn't stand to be around anymore? He was forever frozen as an adolescent, was this some sort of vampire version of teenage rebellion against overprotective parents?

_But all I ever wanted was to keep them both safe and happy._

"I love you too." It was barely a whisper, but my wife's voice still ghosted down the stairs. It was a balm to my weary soul. Our lives were scattered, broken, divided. Now we had to pick up the pieces. Together.

_Can I do that? Can I let her in? You should, Carlisle, all she wants to do is help._

I knew that if I did not, then the division between us would only grow.

_If the cracks get too large, will she leave too?_

**Not a cheery chapter but I wanted to show the strain finally getting to them. Did you think Esme snapped in an Esme-like way (if that makes any sense, in other words, did it feel in character)? Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**

**As for the why I've updated twice today - I go on holiday on Thursday, so I won't be able to update for two weeks. But since I already have the next few chapters written, I've decided to update twice today, tomorrow, and Wednesday to make up for it :)**


	55. Moving On

1931

_Esme_

Together, Carlisle and I began to box up our belongings. We had been in Belcourt for five years now. It was time to move on. But both of us where hesitant, reluctant to leave because we were still waiting. It had been nearly four years now and we were still waiting. Everything was done now - we would just need to send the furniture we were taking with us ahead - aside from Edward's room. Neither of us had been in there since he left. Internally, I debated with myself. _Should we place his belongings in storage? Should we set up a room for him in our new home in Rochester? But would he ever find us there? Would it be possible to somehow leave a message behind telling him where we'd gone?_

Carlisle found me staring blankly outside Edward's door.

"We have to go in," he told me. "We'll box his belongings up and bring them with us." Hesitantly, he reached out and opened the door. Slowly the door creaked open. The room had a cold, abandoned feel to it. I brushed my fingers against the layer of dust that had collected on top of his piano.

"Will we-" Carlisle answered my question before I'd even finished asking it.

"Of course. We'll send it ahead with the rest of the furniture."

I sat down on the piano bench, without a word Carlisle came and sat down next to me. Carefully, I pressed a key down. The sound resounded throughout the house, the first time we'd heard such a sound in so long.

"He was attempting to teach me, but I wasn't very good," I told Carlisle. He wrapped his arm around my waist and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. "It feels like we're leaving him behind," I admitted.

"I know, love. I truly thought he'd be home by now. You know I don't want to move as much as you do. But it's getting dangerous. You know I've been getting my fair share of questions at the hospital. We … we have to go. Maybe it's for the best. At this point, I honestly don't think he's going to return, so maybe it would be better for us to move on with our lives." Though the words upset me, I knew they were the truth. I had demanded that Carlisle no longer shield me from the hurtful realities of the situation, and so I shared his pain willingly.

"If we're moving on with our lives, then why are we planning to take his stuff with us? Why did I design a house with an extra bedroom?" I don't know how many times I had rubbed that line out and then redrawn it on the house designs – the line that made one bedroom two. In the end I had ruined the paper, having to start afresh. The house in the new version was drawn with two bedrooms.

"Because we still hope. We can still hope, Esme. But we need to move on in the meantime. What was it you said, that night we went out three years ago?" He thought for a second. "We need to be just Carlisle and Esme Cullen – husband and wife."

"I did say that, didn't I?" It felt so long ago. Back then, I had been so certain Edward would be home soon, and so in the meantime I should just keep living my life. When had I changed my mind?

"And for the record, you are really bad at dancing the Charleston," I added jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"I never claimed to be good at," he retorted. "I prefer more traditional dancing." He stood up and pulled me with him, holding me in classic ballroom hold.

"There's no music," I told him. I thought back to our wedding day, when we had slow-danced in Edward's room in Canada. How happy a day that had been. I had been so delighted to be marrying Carlisle, and with Edward's acceptance of our marriage, it seemed I had finally gained my happy family.

_What happened to it?_

"Just copy me," Carlisle whispered, mimicking my own words three years ago. He then started counting the steps. "One, two, three. One, two, three." He led me out of Edward's cluttered room and into the hallway. Luckily, it was a spacious one.

"Let's try a spin," Carlisle announced.

"No, Carlisle," I started to protest as I found myself spun around; my feet were following Carlisle's steps clumsily. I had never learned how to ballroom dance, had only known the dances we had done in the club because I'd read about them in a magazine.

"One, two, three. One, two, three. Want to try a whisk?" he asked mischievously.

"Carlisle, I can't-" Once more I found myself being led into the dance moves I didn't understand.

"That was very good," Carlisle whispered as he brought us to a stop. He kissed me gently.

"Where did you learn to dance?" I asked.

Carlisle shrugged. "Volterra. Aro liked to hold big balls."

"And did you dance with lots of women at them?" I asked, trying not to sound too possessive.

Carlisle chuckled. "Not really. I was the oddity remember."

"Well, you are rather odd."

"The good sort of odd, I hope?"

"Obviously," I conceded, kissing him deeply. I felt myself being led backwards. "How did we end up in the bedroom?" I asked innocently, as if I didn't know the answer.

"I may have led us in here while we we're dancing."

"Oh. I suppose you're right. We do need to finish packing up in here," I said mischievously. In response, Carlisle began pressing kisses against my neck and collarbone, while his hands crept higher.

"Why are we in here again?" he whispered against my earlobe, gently nibbling at it once he'd finished.

"Umm … we … erm …bed," I managed to stutter out, too overtaken by the delightful sensations. I felt the back of my legs hit our bed and gratefully collapsed on to it.

"Bed it is then, Mrs. Cullen."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"I think we'll manage," I whispered to my husband as I curled up against him afterwards.

"Manage what, darling?"

"Getting along as just Carlisle and Esme. I love you so much."

"I love you too. As long as I still have you, I know everything is going to be OK."

"Same here."

* * *

**So there we have it - Carlisle and Esme are finally learning to move on with their lives. Any guesses what happens next chapter though? :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	56. Prodigal Son

1931

_Edward_

For a week I hung around the outskirts of Belcourt. I would get close enough to their house that I could hear my parents' thoughts, but I was never able to make the final steps to their front door. I knew that they were planning on leaving soon, even though neither of them wished to move before I had returned. Both worried that if they moved they would never see me again. I knew I should go and see them. But simply following them to wherever they went without revealing my presence was a much more tempting option.

I had come home fed up with the death and destruction that had become my everyday life. But now I was here, I was too scared to return home and face the possible rejection by those I loved. I was like any other teenager who had done something wrong and now had to return home and face the music, see their parents' anger and disappointment, except my crimes were much more serious.

It was the disappointment that worried me most. I could plainly remember the disappointed look on my father's face the last time I had seen him, as much as I had tried not to think about it for the last four years. I didn't want to return home to that look.

Today, I stood a mile away from their house – for I couldn't think of it as my house – and listened to my mother's thoughts. She was hoping I would suddenly appear out of the blue before the final move in two days time. She knew this was nothing more than a silly daydream, but still she hoped for it to happen.

As my mother's wishful thought filled my mind, I knew that this was something I had to do. I could do right by them now, even if I couldn't change my past.

I remembered the list of steps I had started, following the wise advice of my now long gone human mother. All the progress I had made in accepting my new lifestyle - accepting Carlisle, and then later Esme, trying my hardest to be patient and not lose my temper - I had undone every step the minute I left Carlisle's front door for the last time. It was time to start a new list, and the first step was blindingly obvious.

_Step one: Return home to Carlisle and Esme_

But it was still with great trepidation that I forced my legs to take me to the house I had fled from in anger.

I was shocked by their reaction. There was neither anger nor disappointment. Only joy. Joy at my return. Yet it was made me feel even worse. I did not deserve this. I didn't deserve the loving hug my mother bestowed upon me, or the happiness my father thought at me.

_Welcome home, son!_

Awkwardly, I walked into the house. Most of their personal belongings were in boxes and the furniture they wouldn't be taking with them had dustsheets thrown over it.

"We're due to move in two days," Esme explained. Her thoughts were still trying to process the reality that I was truly home. Carlisle's were the same. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked. Both their thoughts registered shock. Why wouldn't they be happy? They'd been waiting for me to return home for four years. They had never imagined it would take me so long. Through unbidden flashes of memory, I saw all the anguish I had put my poor undeserving parents through. Yet despite it all, they still loved me, still saw me as their son.

_Why?_

I looked over at Carlisle, whose thoughts were a jumbled mess. I waited from him to remember all the arguments we'd had, the monstrous crimes he had to know I had committed in my absence. I waited for anger, even hatred. I focused in on his thoughts – looking for the warning signs.

_I wonder if he'd allow me to give him a hug?_

Surrounded day in and day out by greed and lies, I had all but forgotten there was those able to feel compassion and love. Even with my perfect recall, my memories of Carlisle and Esme had been distilled by looking at them through the eyes of someone surrounded by the scum. No one was that compassionate. No one was that kind-heartened. Yet here they were, proof that indeed there was people like that. _How had I ever expected them to hate me?_

My mother had no hesitation about hugging me again, even though she had already done so once.

"I'm sorry, Mother," I whispered quietly.

_I know, son. I know._

Carlisle had come to stand next to us. I gently released myself from Esme's arms and turned to face him. I tried to look him in the eyes but failed.

"I'm sorry, Father," I said to the floor. Next thing I knew I felt Carlisle's hand gently patting my back as he pulled me into a hug, though he released me after a few seconds.

_I know, son. I know. _I almost laughed at that, despite the serious atmosphere and my melancholy mood - they were just so in sync sometimes.

_My boys, _Esme thought as she interlocked one hand with Carlisle's and placed the other on my shoulder. _My family._

Again Carlisle's thoughts were in sync with hers. _My family. Back together at last._ The 'at last' part stung, as once again I was treated to flashes of my father slowly losing hope.

"Where are you moving to?" I asked conversationally, though I already knew the answer. I just wanted to break the silence, preferably without discussion of what I'd been doing for the last four years. However, I instantly realized the carelessness of my wording, as both my parents picked up on my use of the word 'you'. They thought I was suggesting I wouldn't be going with them and I felt their despair at the idea. "I mean where are _we_ moving to?" I corrected quickly. Their thoughts quickly turned joyous as they realized I would indeed be coming with them.

"Rochester," Esme told me. "I'm going to re-model a house there." For just a brief few seconds I saw her drawing and re-scribbling the same line in her designs, before she started reciting poetry.

"Ummm," I said, not knowing what to say. I could make no sense of Esme's thoughts now. Carlisle was also reciting from one of his Latin medical books.

"I'm going to go upstairs," I announced, not knowing what to do.

_We've packed your things up already,_ Esme told me. She followed me up to my old room, Carlisle not far behind her. I found all my records and books were indeed in boxes. I reached out and gently stroked the keys of my piano.

_We were planning to send it via train with the rest of the furniture, _Carlisle told me.

"Can you play for us, Edward?" Esme asked gently. In her mind I saw how much she had missed my music. I touched the first key hesitantly; it had been four years since I had played. I did a few warm up exercise first, trying to get back into it. I pondered what song to play, as my parents waited silently, their minds still reeling from the fact that I was actually home. As I thought about them, I started to play the song I had written for them a decade ago. How long ago that seemed, it felt like a different lifetime ago - there was so much that had changed since then, so much I had done.

"My favorite," Esme whispered happily. Carlisle wrapped his arm around her waist. Together they stood behind me, both with a hand on one of my shoulders, physically reminding themselves I truly was there. I didn't shy away from the contact as I normally would have, after all I had done I could at least give them this small moment of happiness.

Once the song finished I stood up, unable to play anymore. I could not gleam the same satisfaction I once had from my playing, had only played to the end of the song to satisfy Esme.

"Do you need to hunt, Edward?" Carlisle asked me gently. I saw my eyes in his mind; they were pitch black like coal. I had decided it was better to return with black eyes than red.

_What color will they turn once I have hunted from animals for the first time in years?_

For four years, 'hunting' had been a very different activity for me.

"We can all go," Esme suggested. I was about to protest, not wanting either of them there when my eyes finally regained some color. But I stopped as I heard their thoughts, neither wanted me to go alone, scared I would change my mind and never return.

"Let's go then," I announced reluctantly. Instant relief flooded both their minds.

I ran ahead as I always had, but while my parents had previously been more than willing to allow me to, they now pushed themselves to their full speeds as well. I slowed down slightly, knowing if I sped up more then they would only strain themselves further as well.

A nauseating scent washed over me. I heard both Carlisle and Esme label it as potential prey, deer.

Carlisle noticed my hesitation. "There is some wild cats in the area, we can go in search of them if you'd prefer."

"I'm fine," I told him. He should not have to accommodate a monster; I would stomach the bitter blood as penance for all I had done.

I forced myself to trail the unappetising scent. Once I had caught a deer, I bit down on its neck. I almost spat out the sour-tasting liquid that squirted into my mouth. I tried to force myself to swallow it, but my body still rejected it, causing me to do the vampire equivalent of choking, I had never even known such a feat was possible. The foul-tasting blood splattered out of the mouth, soaking my clothes, the ground, and the deer carcass beside me. Carlisle and Esme were by my side in an instant.

"Edward! Edward, are you okay? What happened?" Esme asked frantically.

"What happened, son?" Carlisle was just as panicked as his wife. He had never seen a vampire behave like I just had.

"I'm fine," I told them flatly. Their thoughts instantly dismissed my words. "I said I'm fine," I growled.

"Come on, son. We'll go find some mountain lions," Carlisle encouraged.

"No. I can hunt by myself, you two can go home." They didn't need to say anything out loud for me to know that wasn't going to happen. There was nothing I could say that would make them leave me at this moment. I turned my back on them and once more forced myself to place my lips at the deer's bleeding neck. The blood was quickly cooling, making it even less appetizing. I knew to expect the grotesque taste this time and so was mentally prepared to force myself to swallow it, and then to continue to suck. I tried my hardest not to grimace as I did so, acutely aware of Carlisle and Esme's watching eyes. By the time I was finished, the blood was cold. I finally threw the spent corpse aside, I felt as close to sick as it was probably possible for a vampire to feel. I was like a human who had eaten something mouldy and now had indigestion.

_I've never seen a vampire drink so slow,_ Carlisle had clearly noticed my struggle to force feed myself the nauseating blood.

"Are you OK, Edward?" Esme asked quietly. "Would you like to hunt some more?" They both noticed that my eyes were still black. I couldn't possibly lie and tell them I was fine, but the idea of drinking more deer blood was revolting.

_You don't have to. You can go into town and find some disputable man. His blood will be more than enough to satisfy your thirst rather than drinking this muck._

The true vampire I had become in the last four years called for me to satisfy my thirst in a way I knew would be much more enjoyable.

_It means another victim. Another man's dying thoughts in my head. And leaving Carlisle and Esme again._

"Yes, please," I answered Esme.

Without another word I took off after the scent of the herd. Both Carlisle and Esme were reminding me there were other, more tempting, animals we could go in search of, but I had already decided my penance and I would stick to it. I deserved it.

Eventually we caught up with the herd again. Once more I forced myself to pounce on the revolting smelling animal. I managed to force the blood down a little quicker this time, all while resisting the urge to gag again. My throat still burned painful even after I was finished.

"There's some more there, Edward, if you want it," Carlisle told me, pointing to two deer carcasses that had been laid beside me. From their thoughts I gathered that both Carlisle and Esme had killed one and left it for me. They did not need the blood themselves, having hunted only two days ago, they were only here because of me.

I did not want anymore of the sickening blood, but I could not turn my nose up at them, not when my throat still burned and I could see in both their minds that my eyes had barely lightened with the last kill, showing just a tinge of dark orange. The orange shocked both my parents, especially Esme. While Carlisle had seen me with newborn eyes, she had never seen me with any color other than gold or black. Both of them registered sadly what that meant, I had not been feeding off animals again for long. Carlisle knew enough about vampire biology to realize that this was indeed my first animal hunt, and it saddened him to think I would have killed a human only weeks previously.

Again I forced the vile liquid down my throat. It felt too thick, slimy even. Once I was finished, Carlisle discreetly tried to look at my eyes, to see if they were light enough to suggest I wasn't thirsty anymore.

"Do you wish to hunt some more?" he asked. However in his mind he was relieved by the color of my eyes, so I decided it wouldn't look too suspicious now if I lied and said I was fine. Truthfully, my throat still burned. Of course, I remembered that with a diet of animal blood it never truly went away, but it had never been this bad before. The fire in my throat suggested I had not even hunted, and in a way I had not, for how could I possibly count the vile blood I was now full off? I wanted to cool the burn and I knew exactly what would do so. But I could not go back to that lifestyle, could not leave my parents again.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It's weird how things change. This journey reminded me of our moves to Canada, and then Alaska, when Esme was a newborn, except our roles had swapped. Now Esme was the one in control and I was the one struggling with my thirst on the back seat. Esme had briefly noticed this strange paradox herself, but there had been no smugness in her thoughts, only sympathy. Both her and Carlisle kept thinking encouraging mantras at me in their heads. It reminded me off when I had been a newborn myself, and Carlisle had discovered that if I concentrated on his thoughts he could keep me focused on not killing. Indeed he was employing the same method now. His thoughts were all aimed at reminding me I had decided not to kill anymore. Esme was just trying to be comforting. She kept thinking 'you're doing so well, you're doing so well' over and over again, I would have found it patronizing had I not known her heart was in the right place. She was simply trying to help.

They insisted I hunted every three days, always coming with me as well, even though both of them could have gone two weeks without blood.

"I'm not a newborn, Carlisle," I had said yesterday, growing annoyed at all the safety procedures he was putting in place for me.

_I know, Edward_, he had thought patiently. I would have argued more but I knew he was trying to help. I had chosen to come back, and that meant living by Carlisle's lifestyle once more. If I were to do that I would have to regain control once more.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The house in Rochester was nearer to the city than any of the houses I had lived in since Carlisle's Chicagoan house. It was just as bad as those early days, my throat constantly burning. At least I had more control over the voices in my head this time. It was clear this house had not been purchased with me in mind. A sign that, as much as I knew they had wished for my return, my parents had all but given up hope that it would actually happen.

I was sitting up in my room, supposedly reading a book. I could hear Esme silently fretting below me. She wanted to go into town, but she didn't want to leave me. She considered taking me with her but decided she best not risk it without Carlisle there as well.

_God, it wasn't even this bad in Chicago._

At least then there had been only Carlisle smothering me. Now there was Esme to, and she was undeniable worse.

"Just go, Esme," I said exasparatedly, knowing she would hear me from downstairs. I had to repress a sigh as I heard her decide it was unimportant and could wait until Carlisle was home to either come with us or watch me.

"For Christ sake, Esme. What's the worst that could happen? I kill someone? I've killed three hundred and twenty eight people, what's one more?" I knew I shouldn't be angry with her; she was only trying to help. Yet I couldn't help it. I should be a grown man by now. I should be thirty with a wife and a family, not being mothered by a woman who was only six years older than me.

_Hell, I'm older than her in one way. Who was the one to take her hunting and teach her control?_

I heard her thoughts falter as she heard the number, before now my murders had been in abstract to her, but it was harder now she knew exactly how many it was.

She should be thankful she couldn't see their faces like I could. Or remember their dying thoughts. Apparently even killers and rapists have loved ones – who'd have thought it?

I caught one more slip in my mother's thoughts. She was not just worried about me killing someone; she was still scared that she would return to find me gone again. That was the main reason her and Carlisle were constantly supervising me. Yes, they were worried about my somewhat shaky control, but mainly they were scared they would turn around and I would be gone once more.

"I'm not going to leave again, Esme. I promise," I said softly, knowing she would still hear me.

_I'm going to hold you to that promise, Edward._

Once Carlisle arrived home, I heard Esme whisper to him – why she even bothered whispering I don't know – that they needed to go talk to me.

I heard their joint footsteps up the stairs and then Carlisle knocked on the door. He had always done that, right from the start, even though he had always laughed at me when I did the same.

_Can we come in, Edward?_

"Yes, Carlisle." Together him and Esme entered the room.

Esme spoke first. "We're worried about you, Edward. We know you've been through a lot in the last four years-"

"Esme," I stopped her there. She pitied me. I had killed three hundred and twenty eight people, and she pitied _me_ for it.

"Edward," Carlisle began before I could even decide what to say to Esme. "Obviously we don't know what you went through in the last four years. But we're your parents. We want to help you, Edward. But you have to let us." In his mind I saw flashbacks over the last four years, his reluctance to let Esme help him and his acceptance in the last year or so that he should, as well as the relief he felt at having someone there to help shoulder his pain once he allowed her to.

"We're here for you, no matter what, son," Carlisle told me.

"We love you, Edward," Esme said, she reached out and attempted to smooth out my hair lovingly.

"I know," I whispered. "I love you both too."

"Do you want to talk to us about it?" Esme said as she sat down on the edge of the bed I only had for appearances sake.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to cry out all my pain and the grief to the two loving people who I had the luck to call my parents. But I couldn't do it. This was my burden to shoulder, not theirs. I shook my head.

Esme sighed. "I'm going for a hunt, does anyone wish to come?" She looked at me. I knew Carlisle's answer would be based around my own.

"No, thank you," I said. My throat was burning slightly, but wasn't it always nowadays.

"I think I'll stay at home too, dear," Carlisle announced, to no ones surprise.

"Actually, I need to go into the town first. Will it be OK if I go buy what needs to be bought first, come back here to drop it off, and then go hunt?" Esme asked, relieved she would be able to go now Carlisle was home to watch me.

"Of course, love." Esme gave Carlisle a kiss on a cheek and then myself one last hair ruffle before leaving.

"This is ridiculous, Carlisle," I told him after she left.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You know what – the twenty four/ seven supervision. You're being worse than when either of us were newborns." _Will I scare him off again by being the overprotective father he can't stand? _I caught the moment of fear in Carlisle's mind before he hastily covered it up.

I laughed sarcastically, it sounded bitter. "That was never the problem, Carlisle. I was the problem." How determined I had been that I was right and Carlisle was wrong. But in the end, Carlisle was the one who was right. I had thought killing killers would mean I could be emotionally detached while still enjoying the lush blood as a vampire should, but the constant taking of human life had got to me in the end, just as Carlisle had always told me it would.

_I know it must be difficult to cope with your talent at times. I'm sorry, if I never seemed sympathetic enough towards your struggle. I was so determined in what I believed was right that I never stopped and thought about it from your point of view. If I had, maybe I would have seen this coming and tried to prevent it._

In his mind he thought back over all our arguments in that last awful year before I left. He asked himself why he had never acted to calm me, for surely it should have been clear what was going to happen.

_I'm sorry, Edward._

"Don't be. Contrary to popular belief, Carlisle, everything isn't your fault." Four years ago I would not have said those words, but now I realized I should not blame him for my shortcomings.

Carlisle gave a slight chuckle, and in his mind I saw my mother saying those exact same words to him.

"Well, we're right. You're so quick to take all the blame on yourself," I continued. "I was the one who chose to leave. I was the one who killed those men. It's my fault."

_Apparently I'm not the only one who likes to blame everything on himself._

"Yes, but everything is my fault," I muttered.

"No it isn't!" Carlisle spoke out loud to emphasize his point, something he rarely did when it was just the two of us. "We could all find reason to blame ourselves, but perhaps it is best we let bygones be bygones and move on."

I heard the sound of my mother arriving home laden with shopping bags.

"In that case. Why don't you go hunting with your wife? I'm in control. I'll be fine." Carlisle hesitated for a moment, revealing he was worried for the same reason Esme had been earlier. "I'll still be here when you get back." As Carlisle started to consider it, I heard Esme decide that if he did ask to come with her she was going to refuse to let him.

"It's not that long since I last hunted. I think I'll go read in my study for a bit," Carlisle announced and Esme mentally praised him for his decision to stay with me.

"I love you, son," he said as he stood up to leave, ruffling my hair the same way Esme had earlier. Again I resisted the urge to dodge out of the way, knowing that would only hurt his feelings.

"I love you too, Dad," I muttered.

_I love you too, Edward, _Esme thought from downstairs.

"I love you too, Mom," I whispered quietly knowing she'd still hear it. I heard her leave contently, safe in the knowledge that Carlisle was watching me so I would still be here when she arrived home.

I lay back on my bed with a sigh. It would be a long time, I knew, until my parents would feel able to leave me alone. I couldn't even be annoyed at them because of it – I knew they were only behaving this way because they loved me. I didn't deserve their love – not after everything I had done. So I would not complain because I had been lucky enough to somehow keep it.

**~ End Part Three ~**

**So Edward's home again. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this relatively short look into Edward's rebellious period :)**

**Part Four will look into the Cullens as they gain new members and their lives up until the start of the books, starting with Rosalie.**


	57. Spoilt Beauty

**A slighty different start to this section - as we take a look inside the human mind of Miss. Rosalie Hale.**

* * *

**~Part Four: Growing Family~**

1933

_Rosalie_

I was going to a big celebration party held by Royce King, my future father-in-law. More importantly it would be my first public outing as the future Mrs. Royce King II, and so I had to look just right.

"Mother!" I shouted. She came rushing up.

"What, Rosalie?" she asked patiently.

"Have you seen my hat?" I turned my attention back to the mirror as she went off in search of the missing hat. I adjusted a pin so that my hair was perfectly in place. I smiled satisfactorily. There could be no denying I was beautiful, especially when I was dressed up like this. I was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman in Rochester.

I placed the hat Mother passed me on to me head and stood back to admire the overall effect.

"You look beautiful, darling," my mother told me, also looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Will Royce be here soon?" she asked. I nodded, absentmindedly fiddling with one of the roses in the vases that littered my room.

"Chin up, darling," my mother told me, "you're about to be seen on the arm of Rochester's most sought after bachelor."

"He's not going to be a bachelor much longer, Mother," I reminded her smugly. We were to be married in just over a month and I couldn't wait.

"Royce is here," my younger brother shouted up the stairs. I heard the door open and the sound of my father greeting my fiancé.

I walked down the stairs majestically, as if it was the grand staircase at a ballroom rather than a simple flight of stairs. Royce's eyes flickered to watch me eagerly, and I had to resist the urge to smile self-indulgently. There could be no denying he liked what he saw.

"Rosalie," he said softly, kissing my hand. "I was just telling your father about my new car."

"Can we see it?" both my brothers chimed excitedly.

"Of course," Royce said amiably, they both rushed out the door. "I suppose we'll see you there then, Mr. and Mrs. Hale."

My brothers ambushed Royce the minute we stepped out the door. He began explaining the cars different aspects to them.

"Can we see under the bonnet?"

I watched on as Royce showed the two over-excited boys what was under the bonnet. A part of me wished to be able to look myself, I had always been intrigued by motor vehicles in general, but I knew it would be very unladylike of me.

_He'll be such a good father one day. _I smiled to myself as I watched Royce talking to my hyper brothers. One day we would have sons of our own. I thought of Vera's adorable little Henry. I would have a child soon as well, except mine would play on the lawn outside the King's mansion rather than in the dirty street with the other raga-muffin children.

Eventually, Royce managed to extract himself from my brothers. I waited for him to open the car door for me, but instead he just climbed straight into the driver's seat. I got myself in as well, huffily, annoyed by the insult. I remembered what Mother had warned me about frowning though, and relaxed my face into a more elegant smile.

We made small talk until we passed the sight of some beggars on the street.

"Have you seen the state of them? They should get a job!" Royce stated and I agreed with him. Why these men insisted of begging when they could be working was beyond me, and then they had the cheek to claim there was no jobs.

We finally arrived and spent the first hour with introductions, and receiving congratulations. Everyone cooed over my ring, and I wallowed in the attention. I was without a doubt the belle of this ball. Well, it wasn't actually a ball, but whatever. I was still the star. The centre of attention, as I always should be.

I heard the sound of gentle laughing behind me. I turned to find a strange looking boy stood by the wall, some distance from the rest of the party; he was watching me with a smirk on his face.

_I've seen him around before; doesn't he go to the college? His brother-in-law is a doctor or something._ Royce was off getting us drinks so I give him my best smile, the one that always caused all the men to beg at my feet. But this boy just looked away, though I'm sure I heard a snort of laughter.

_What a strange boy, must be one of those boys who likes other boys. How unnatural!_

Royce returned with our drinks.

"There's more people we have to meet," he told me. About ten people later, he led me in the direction of the queer boy, and Royce introduced me to a man who was now stood with him, who I recognized as the boy's brother-in-law.

I had seen the doctor and his brother-in-law before, but only from a distance. Even from a distance they looked striking, but up close there was something even more stunning about them. They had the most striking golden eyes, as well as flawless pale skin. They were different, there was something a little off about them, but there were still undeniable beautiful, even for men. I was used to having all eyes on me, but there was something about them that drew the eye, even with me in the room. I was always the most beautiful person in a room as a rule, but there's was something about these two men that made me feel inadequate.

_They're just men. You are still the most beautiful women in the room. And you are engaged to the most handsome bachelor._ Edward didn't count since he was so young and clearly not into women.

"Royce King the Second," my fiancé said by way of an introduction. "And this pretty lady is my fiancée, Rosalie Hale."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. King, Miss. Hale. I'm Dr. Cullen, and this is my brother-in-law, Edward."

"Yes, my father says you've turned things around at the hospital…" I tuned the conversation out then, not caring. The queer boy, Edward, still had that annoying smirk on his face that made me want to slap him. It was like he knew some sort of secret and I didn't.

Eventually, Royce finished his conversation with the doctor and we moved on. I was thankful to get away from them. I did not liking being with people who could attract more attention than me, and they had this aura of mystique about them that did just that.

It was a while later when I felt eyes on my back, like I was being watched. I turned around and a woman immediately caught my attention. Her eyes lingered on me for a second before she realized I had caught her staring and looked away. She was undeniably beautiful; she had a classic and elegant look to her. She reminded me of Dr. Cullen and Edward.

_She's almost more stunning than me … no, she's not, don't be silly, Rosalie. There's no one more stunning than you._

Dr. Cullen walked up to her then and placed his arm tenderly round her, I realized she must have been his wife. When I caught a glimpse of her face she looked sad, though I couldn't figure out why. She was talking to her husband quietly.

_Why would someone that beautiful ever feel sad?_

The doctor pulled her a little closer and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. There was no denying that he loved her very much, it was clear as day on his face, and in the way he looked at her.

_Why does Royce never look at me like that? _I shook that thought from my head. Royce loved me and I loved him, and we would grow old together and have children and then grandchildren we would watch play on the well-kempt lawn outside the King's mansion.

"I'm going to go out with some friends after this, Rose," Royce told me, pulling my attention from the weird mysterious family. "My friend, John, is in town."

"That's fine," I told him. "I think I'll go visit Vera." Royce grimaced a bit but he didn't say anything, I knew he disapproved of Vera because she was working-class. But she was my friend and I enjoyed her company, also I loved to see little Henry.

He kissed me goodnight gently before we went our separate ways. The kiss felt cold, uncaring, but I told myself I was imagining things.

As I walked to Vera's, I let my thoughts drift to my wedding. I would marry Royce and we would be happy. What do I care if some doctor kisses his wife like he loves her?

* * *

**When I portray Rosalie I generally try to show that there is more to her than the 'vain, cold, bitchy one', but there's no denying that's pretty much what she was as a human.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. What did you make of Rosalie on her last night as a human? (That's what this was supposed to show for those who hadn't picked up on that.)**


	58. Too Much Waste

**Some of the events and dialogue in this chapter are based around Chapter 7, Unhappy Ending, of Eclipse. Eclipse is, of course, the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

1933

_Carlisle_

I was walking home alone. I had been called to a last minute emergency at the hospital, and so I'd had to leave my wife and son at the party we were attending – I had tried to get us all out of going to the party to begin with, but to no avail.

It had been a troubling evening. Edward had spent most of the night brooding at the edges. Though he had managed to regain control in the last two years since he returned to Esme and myself, he was still clearly struggling with his inner demons, a fact that was plainly obvious no matter how much he might try and hide it from his parents. I wanted my son to happy, as any father did, but he could not let go on his self-hatred, and there was little Esme and me could do if he was unable to convince himself he wasn't a monster.

Then there was the young beautiful human woman named Rosalie. She should not have been of any concern to us, yet she seemed to have had an effect on both my wife and my son.

My wife had noted her long blonde hair, nearly the same color as my own, and sadly commented that she looked like she could have been my daughter. I had wrapped my arms around her tightly when she said that, even after twelve years the fact that we could never have biological children was something that grieved both of us, Esme more so as, thanks to the timing of her transformation, she had brought her ambition to be a mother with her into her new life.

As for my son, who knows what was going on in his mind – I certainly didn't anymore. But something about the human had caught his attention. Perhaps it was her beauty; she was undeniably a beautiful human. From the entire array of human woman I had seen in my lifetime, she was second only to my Esme herself as a human. But Edward was not a shallow man, so it was much more likely there had been something in her thoughts that had interested him.

The scent of blood broke me from my thoughts. It was strong, as if some one had been injured. I followed the scent with the intention of helping whoever had been hurt.

I recognized the women instantly – Rosalie Hale. I accessed her injuries carefully – it looked as though she had been attacked and brutalized. But who would dare do such a thing to Royce King II's fiancée? There was nothing I could to save her – she would surely die soon.

_Unless…_

I found myself scooping her fragile body off the floor and into my arms. Once I got home I found neither Esme nor Edward were there – I remembered they had mentioned that they might hunt once they could escape from the party. I placed Rosalie down on our sofa. She moaned gently.

"Shhhh. It's OK, Rosalie. I'm going to save you. It will hurt for a while, but you will be saved in the end," I murmured comfortingly.

She mumbled incoherent words. Without further hesitation, I bit down on her neck. Her blood filled my mouth, but it was much easier to pull away then it had been with either Edward or Esme. After tasting Esme's blood and resisting, I don't think I would ever be tempted again. I quickly went to the sink to spit it out before returning to Rosalie's side. She had begun to thrash around.

"It hurts. It hurts," she cried. "Please! Please just kill me!" Her words upset me, but I knew it was not unusual for those transforming to plea for death.

"I'm sorry. It will all be over soon," I murmured to her comfortingly. I began to talk to her, to tell her what was happening, and what she was becoming.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Edward and Esme arrived home the next day. Edward walked in with a look of anger on his face.

"Carlisle? What?" Esme's perplexed face kept looking between the screaming girl and me.

"Please!" Rosalie began to beg again. "Whoever's there, please just kill me. He won't. Please. Please, I just want to die." Esme's face crumpled into a look of pity. She came to stand beside me at the girl's side.

"It'll end eventually," she murmured comfortingly.

"No," she screamed. "No! I want to die!"

As Esme continued to murmur comfortingly to Rosalie, I turned my attention to Edward. He just looked at me in disgust before storming out again. _What have I done? Will he come back this time?_

Esme was watching the thrashing human with a pitying look on her face.

"Why?" she asked me sadly. I didn't know how to answer her.

_Why? Because she was dying. Because Esme said she looked like my daughter. Because I want my son to be happy. Because I thought Edward could find the same happiness with Rosalie, that I have with Esme. Because Esme always claims I gave her a second chance and I wanted Rosalie to have one too._

"I don't know," I admitted. Esme's eyes roamed my face; but she seemed to decide I was indeed telling the truth. I honestly didn't know why any more. Her eyes focused once more on Rosalie.

"What happened to her?" she asked me.

"I found her on the street. She was dying. It looked liked she'd been attacked and then ..." I trailed off then, not wanting to say the next part for fearing of upsetting my wife. Esme's eyes were on Rosalie's ripped dress.

"She was more than just attacked, right?" she said shakily.

"Right," I confirmed sadly.

"I'm going to go get a dress to change her into. She won't want to wake up like that." My wife left the room and I focused again on the transforming woman. Esme's question resided through my mind. _Why, Carlisle?_

Esme returned shortly with a dress, as well as a bucket of water and a sponge.

"She needs cleaning up. She won't want to wake up covered in dried up blood," Esme explained. I remembered how we had left her in the clothes she had jumped in – a callous decision perhaps, but I had thought she would prefer it even less if she woke up to find two strange men had cleaned her and dressed her.

"I'll be upstairs," I announced. I turned to leave, but Esme caught my arm.

"I love you," she whispered, kissing my cheek.

"And I love you," I replied.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Edward returned on the third day of Rosalie's transformation.

"What where you thinking, Carlisle?" he asked. "Rosalie Hale?" he said her name with disdain, as if there was something wrong with her. _Had it been that what had caught his attention at the party?_

I know Edward heard my slip and I hastily acted to cover my thoughts, but he didn't say anything about it.

"I couldn't just her die," I said quietly. "It was too much – too horrible, too much waste." I saw again the horrific injuries that had been inflicted on her. _Her life was cut short too soon. She was young and beautiful._ _She deserves a second chance, like Esme._

"I know," Edward said, and I knew he had seen into my mind, and I had seen her as I'd found her.

"It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her," I repeated in a whisper.

"Of course you couldn't," Esme agreed. I was relived to hear my wife agree with me – worried she would have been angry with me for making such an important decision in our family without her.

"People die all the time," Edward said in a hard voice. "Don't you think she's just a little recognizable though? The Kings will have to put out a huge search – now that anyone suspects the fiend," he growled. _It was her fiancé who did this?_ I had not been expecting that. Edward nodded once in my direction while glowering at me.

"What are we going to do with her?" Edward asked exasperatedly.

I sighed. "That's up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way." I didn't wish for her to do so, but I would never deny any of my family the choice. Even Edward if he wished to leave again. I would try my very hardest to persuade him not to of course, but I wouldn't stop him again, just like I didn't stop him the first time round. I would not be the sort of coven leader who took away free will. All I could do was hope that they would both choose to stay.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Carlisle!" Esme shouted from downstairs. There could be no mistaking why; I could hear Rosalie's heartbeat speeding up. I arrived in the front room at the same time as Edward. I led Esme away from Rosalie's bedside, placing her behind me – I didn't want her too close to the awakening newborn. We all held our breath as the last heartbeat resounded throughout the room.

Rosalie's eyes flickered open. Her red eyes flittered around the room before settling on the three of us. I waited for the inevitable confusion.

"What did you do?" she growled at us. Fury was etched across her face.

"Rosalie-" I began, stepping forward cautiously.

"What. Did. You. Do?" she seethed. I had never seen a newborn so enraged, not even Edward.

"Just answer the question, Carlisle," Edward said from behind me.

"I turned you into a vampire," I told her calmly.

"And what does that mean exactly?" she growled.

"We live off blood, and we're immortal?"

"Immortal?" she screeched. "You mean I'll never die?"

I nodded.

"Why?" she shouted.

"Rosalie-" I began, but I didn't get chance to reply as she sprung at me. I dodged out of the way and automatically found myself in a defensive crouch; behind me I knew Edward and Esme had done the same. Automatically, I moved my body to place myself between my mate and the vicious newborn.

Rosalie was crouched opposite us. A furious hiss came from her lips and she went for me again. This time however we were more prepared for her, and between us me and Edward managed to pin her down. I felt her go stiff in our arms. A look of pain crossed Edward's features. I had a feeling I would not like to know what we were reminding her off, and loosened my hold on her slightly.

"If we let go do you promise not to attack any off us?" Edward asked. She nodded. Together we let go and backed off.

She glared angrily at us all for a moment.

"My throat," she finally said. "What's wrong with my throat?"

"That's your thirst, Rosalie. You need to hunt. We feed off the blood of animals. We'll show you how," I explained calmly.

With one last glare she stormed out the door. The three of us followed behind her at top speed.

_Can you watch her, please? _I asked my son as he ran in front of us; only Edward was fast enough to even attempt to keep up with a newborn.

As I ran I thought about Rosalie's reaction. I had never seen a newborn act like that before. Edward had been angry, yes, but there had confusion first. Esme had simply been confused; there had been no anger for her. Rosalie was just sheer anger – nothing more, nothing less.

_Why is Rosalie so angry? Is this because of what happened to her as a human? But Esme was never this badly affected. What have I done now?_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We all arrived back home. Her first hunt had not improved Rosalie's temperament.

"What do I look like now?" she snapped at us.

"Would you like me to go get a mirror?" Esme asked kindly.

Rosalie nodded. "Yes, please," she replied, sounding the politest she had since woke up. She did not glare at Esme as she did at Edward and myself.

Esme disappeared for a second and came back with one of her small hand-held mirrors. We all watched anxiously as Rosalie looked in. Would she be horrified by her new reflection as both Edward and Esme were?

Rosalie surprised me yet again. She smiled smugly at the reflection in the mirror. Beside me, Edward snorted, earning him another glare from Rosalie.

"I'm beautiful," she said victoriously.

"You've the most beautiful vampire I've ever seen," Esme told her. Her smile only grew.

With one last eye roll Edward left the room; Rosalie frowned at the door he had just left through. Then she turned her attention back to the mirror.

Esme flitted back to my side, and I wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Are you two actually married then?" Rosalie asked, an indiscernible look on her face.

"Yes," Esme replied happily. A look of concentration came over Rosalie's face, but she didn't say anything else. She sat down on the sofa.

"So what exactly am I supposed to do now?" she asked bitterly. Esme went to sit next to her, listing all the different activities she did in her spare time. I watched them both for a brief while. Rosalie was a ambiguity to me, her reactions always seemed to be the opposite to what I would expect.

_What will happen next to my family?_

**And so ladies (and gents I suppose though I highly doubt it), this is the last you'll hear from me for two weeks!**

**But do you know what would really help me in beating the post-holidays blues once I'm back? Coming home to an inbox full of new review e-mails :) (Nope, I don't do subtlety!)**


	59. Of Mice, Men, & Vampires

1933

_Carlisle_

I recognized the woman the moment she walked into my office at the hospital. Mrs. Marie King, wife of the richest, most influential man in Rochester. _And mother of a rapist._

"Dr. Cullen! You have to come quick. My son." She was hysterical; her usually elegant fixed hair was in disarray. She didn't look like the calm, collected 'queen' of Rochester in that moment. I automatically rose to follow her, before remembering who and what her son was. Images of Rosalie on the night I found her flashed through my mind.

"Dr. Cullen?" Mrs. King was watching me with horror as I realized I had frozen halfway between my seat and her. _How could I help that monster? Yet how can I deny a mother treatment for her beloved son?_

I was spared from having to make a decision by the arrival of my colleague, Dr. Smith.

"Mrs. King, if you could follow me, please," he said, beginning to gently lead her out of my office. Over her shoulder he mouthed 'DOA' at me. Dead on arrival. I felt a sort of relief, not just at the fact that I no longer had to make a decision regarding my earlier moral dilemma, but that no other woman would ever have to go through what Rosalie did at his hands. I knew it was wrong to celebrate a death, but just like with Charles Evenson, I could make an exception. From down the corridor I could hear Mrs King's heartbroken sobs coming from within Dr. Smith's office, and felt guilty that I could be celebrating her son's death, no matter what he did.

It was odd though, how he had died only weeks after attacking Rosalie… sudden realisation hit me.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I walked into the morgue and walked over to where one of the one of the hospital's coroner was leaning over a body.

"I've just had Mrs. King in my office, I came to check the cause of her son's death."

He looked at me surprised, but pointed to Royce King II's neck.

"Someone snapped his neck, along with those of his two guards." He pointed to the corpses beside Royce. Horror washed over me, the guards had been innocents, and if my theory was correct…

"But the interesting thing is, while it looks like the guards got a quick death, whoever it was clearly had some … _fun_ with Royce here first. You see the left wrist - all the bones are shattered." Royce's shattered wrist was proof of my theory which I really wished wasn't true. To a human eye the bruises on his wrist would have just looked like what could have been expected, given the violent manner of his death, but I could clearly see they had been left by someone squeezing Royce's wrist to break it, and no human would have had the strength to do so.

"Enough surprising aspect is that all three deaths were surprisingly clean." The coroner was still talking but I was no longer listening – I had the proof I came for. "Not a drop of blood split from any of the bodies it would seem." That caught my attention and I felt the tiniest bit of relief.

"Thank you, that's all I needed to know," I told the coroner as I left. My shift was only halfway through so I could not go home yet and confront who I knew was the murderer. After all, there was only one person it could be.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

My son was sat at his piano when I walked into his room. He looked at me, surprised.

"Have you finally learned it's pointless to knock?" he asked with a smirk. I couldn't even force a smile in return. Quickly, I mentally re-ran through everything I had seen at the hospital.

"It wasn't me, Carlisle," he told me.

_Who is it then, Edward? Rosalie's a newborn, there's no way she could have left those bodies full of blood, so unless you're trying to tell me it was Esme…_ Even in my thoughts the sarcasm on the last part couldn't be missed.

Edward shrugged. "Rosalie has more control than I thought. I would never had imagined she could kill all five of them without draining at least one of them." He spoke calmly, as if we were discussing the weather, not murder.

_All five, there was only three bodies…_ I realized he meant all five of her attackers. _Was Royce the last?_

"Yes. She saved him for last."

_And you knew about this?_ It was an accusation and we both knew it.

"Are you telling me I should of stopped her? Not that she would have listened anyway. I've never met anyone more conceited in my life."

_Where is she now, Edward?_

He shrugged again. "I honestly neither know or care."

_Edward, I know you two don't exactly get along but there's no need to act like this._

"Carlisle, she," Edward was cut off by a loud bang resounding through our house, as the front door was slammed open. "She's home. This should be interesting."

Together we ran down the stairs. In the living room we found Esme staring perplexed at Rosalie, who had a wild, hysterical look about her. It reminded me slightly of Mrs. King earlier, though she most certainly was not mourning. She was dressed in an elaborate wedding dress – all silk and ruffles. One look at her confirmed that Edward had not been lying, but how had she ever managed to kill them without draining them?

"I thought you weren't intending to come back?" Edward asked her calmly.

"I wasn't," she replied. "But where else do I have to go. It's not like I can go home," she added bitterly.

"Rosalie, this is your home now. If you want it to be," Esme said softly.

"This is not my home!" Rosalie screeched as she picked up the nearest object to hand, one of Esme's favorite vases, and threw it across the room. "And let me make this perfectly clear. You. Are _Not. _My. Family." As she spoke she threw various objects across the room randomly. All three of us had to dodge out of the way at one point to avoid being hit.

"Rosalie," I began, but she cut me off with a hiss. Her eyes narrowed into slits and she looked at me with pure hatred.

"And you," she screeched. "You're as much to blame as them! Maybe you should go the same way." A twisted smile crept onto her face. "I'm stronger than you too," she said mockingly, cooing the words sarcastically. A predatory hiss came from her mouth as she surveyed me the same way an eagle would a hare before going in for the swoop. Planning her kill. I resisted the instinctual urge to drop into a defensive crouch, knowing it would only cause her own instincts to react as well. Slowly I began backing away, hands raised in surrender, to show I meant her no harm. I randomly remembered when I had done the same actions towards Esme as a newborn, except for totally different reasons.

"Rosalie," I began again, trying desperately to think up the words that would calm her.

"Gave me one reason why I shouldn't." Before I could even start to try and think of an answer, Esme answered for me.

"Because I love him." Esme moved from the sidelines where she was stood with Edward to stand between Rosalie and myself. The sight horrified me. My gentle wife was now stood in the path of an outraged newborn. I wanted to pull her away, to place myself between her and Rosalie, but I knew any movement from me would attract Rosalie's attention and her instincts would call at her to attack. However, in her anger and haste she could attack the wrong person. Perhaps she was right, perhaps I did deserve to suffer the consequences of my actions, but I could not risk enraging her with Esme so close. If Esme was the one hurt instead…

So I stood frozen where I was. An unmoving statue with my eyes intently focused on the two women in front of me. Rosalie's narrowed eyes had focused on Esme instead, and I saw as her expression slowly softened. For a few torturous seconds, there was no movement in the room, no sound but our unneeded breathing. Then Rosalie's eyes focused back on me. Her expression hardened once more.

"You should be really thankful for your wife right now," she told me and turned to leave. She was halfway through the door when Edward spoke.

"I told you it wouldn't help," he called after her softly. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Rosalie stiffened in the doorway. Without even turning around she replied, "Don't annoy me, _little boy_. Nobody loves you." Then she was gone. We heard her go upstairs into the room that had previously belonged to Esme and me, but had been given over to Rosalie since we had no guest room in this house. The majority of our belongings had been moved into my study downstairs. It was only a temporary arrangement, as we were planning to move on soon – Rosalie would always be recognizable in Rochester and it would be better to be somewhere more remote now we had a newborn with us again. _Perhaps it would be best if we make that move as soon as possible, after what has just happened._

Both Esme and Edward were staring at me, waiting for me to say something. My mind churned through all the information I had learned tonight, all the events.

"No, I shouldn't have," Edward said to me. "Don't tell me you don't think they deserve it after what they did to her."

_But you knew. You know how it feels to kill. You knew it would not help her, yet you let her go after them. And she killed two innocents as well, Edward. Do you think those two guards deserved to die simply because they were employed by a rapist? They didn't know what he had done. They were simply doing what they were paid to do._

"Rosalie Hale is not my problem, Carlisle. I will put up with her for your sake. But don't expect me to like or care for her. And on that topic, why is she here anyway? Why didn't you just let her do as she wished and die?" Edward waited for an answer I couldn't give. I began blocking my thoughts from him.

"She was dying, Edward."

Edward's eyes narrowed at me, similar to how Rosalie's had earlier. "I know you better than that," was all he said before he walked out the front door.

I collapsed onto the sofa with my head in my hands. _How had everything gone so wrong?_

"Carlisle?" Esme's voice was worried as she sat down next to me. I forced my head out of my hands and looked at my wife. For a few terrifying minutes I had thought there was a chance one of us would get hurt, or worse, but here we both were, perfectly alright. Without thinking about my actions I hugged her against my chest, relived to know she was still here.

"Oh, Esme," I whispered, kissing her forehead gently. "You scared me."

"I scared you?" she asked incredulously. I didn't really think about her question, or her words even, I was simply revelling in the sound of her voice. I gently tipped her head up towards mine so I could lean down for a kiss, but just before my lips brushed hers she turned her head away, looking away from me. I quickly snapped my head back up, rejection and confusion fighting for main place in my mind.

"Esme?" I asked, worried by her behaviour. Never in twelve years had Esme ever rejected one of my kisses. With a sigh, she stood up, effectively releasing herself from my arms.

"What's the real reason?" she asked, looking directly at me. Her golden eyes bored into mine, but there was none of the usual sparkle of happiness and love she always had in them when she looked at me.

"Real reason?" I echoed back at her quizzically.

"Rosalie. It's got to be something else other than just 'she was dying'. You watch people die every day. Edward's mother begged you to save him, and you recognized me. So what other reason is there behind all this?" She paused slightly before adding, "Is it because I said she looked your daughter?" I knew if I said yes, then she would drop her questions and I would never had to give my real reasons, but I couldn't do it. I would not have Esme blame herself for my mistakes. That was my burden to shoulder, not hers.

"No, not really," I replied.

"Not really? Then why?"

I sighed. In light of all that had happened I couldn't tell her the main reason behind my decision. It was clearly an impossibility judging by the way Rosalie and Edward acted around each other. Things had most certainly not turned out the way I had planned. I had naively imagined Edward and Rosalie happily together, using their love to work through the demons of their respective pasts together. Had I honestly believed all our problems could be solved so easily?

Esme stared at me, waiting for an answer. I wished I had a proper one to give her. One that would make her understand, rather than the truth that would just sound foolish. It was, however, not just my pride that stopped me from telling her. I knew well enough that if Edward or Rosalie were to found out there would be Hell to pay. I could guard my thoughts from Edward a lot better than Esme could. She generally didn't need to – unless it was in relation to us. I would not make my wife the carrier of a secret from her beloved son.

"It doesn't matter now anyway," were the words that finally came out of my mouth. Esme looked at me like I'd gone mad.

"It doesn't matter now?" she repeated incredulously. "Seven men are dead, you nearly got yourself killed, upstairs is a girl who is trapped for eternity in a life she doesn't want, and our son just stormed out the house for the tenth time in two weeks and I'm left wondering yet again if this time will be the time he doesn't return again, and you're telling me it doesn't matter? I don't know who you are, but you must certainly don't sound like the man I love."

With one last searching look at me she turned to leave.

"Esme," I called pleadingly once she was halfway across the room, I saw her hesitate for half a second but then she continued to walk until she left the room. A few seconds later I heard my office/ our temporary room door open and close.

I let myself collapse backwards onto the sofa – feeling the closest to human tiredness I had ever felt. Of course, it was impossible for me to feel physically tired, but mentally I was drained. I allowed my eyes to close, but there was no way to shut down my brain.

When I had first seen Rosalie I had thought I had found the solution that would help to mend my family, but I had undeniably made things worse. I couldn't even blame Rosalie for it. When I had woken up I had been angry and desperate to die, I had even attempted fruitlessly to end my own life I despised what I had become so much. Why should I be surprised Rosalie felt the same way? I had nothing but anger for my creator, why should Rosalie not be allowed to feel the same way towards her? Why didn't Edward and Esme? Because they knew I had acted to save them – but Rosalie had not wanted to be saved. At least with Edward and Esme I had a decent explanation behind my actions. But what explanation could I give Rosalie, since the truth most certainly wasn't an option?

"Tell me why," the order shook me from my own thoughts. I opened my eyes and sat up, feeling a little disconcerted, as if I really had been asleep. Rosalie stood in the doorway, her eyes focused on me. She had changed out of the wedding dress. "Don't I deserve an explanation?" she asked sarcastically.

"I wanted to save you."

"Well, for the record, _I didn't want saving._ Also for the record, I am not, nor will I ever be, your daughter, no matter how much your wife may think I look like I could be." So she had heard my earlier conversation with Esme. "And if you ever say what you did 'doesn't matter' again, I will try my very hardest to make sure you go the same way as the scum I killed today, no matter how much your wife loves you. Though maybe, by the sound of it, she'd be happier if I did." She looked in the direction of my office, where Esme could be heard sobbing. Without another word she turned on her heel and stormed away again.

Anxiously, I walked towards my office, knocking gently on the door.

"Esme, can I come in, please?"

"It's your office, Carlisle." I opened the door and found that Esme was sat in my chair. Her eyes looked like she would be holding back tears, if crying had been possible for her. Without a word she stood up and gestured for me to sit down. Once I had sat down she sat in my lap with her head on my shoulder in our familiar position. How many times had we sat like this when one or both of us was sad and in need of comfort?

"I trust you," Esme told me. "I know you must have had a reason. And I know you would never do anything unless you thought it was for the best. I know you. I know that you must have done what you thought was the best for our family, and I assume things didn't turn out the way you hoped."

"No," I admitted, chuckling darkly, "no, they didn't. I thought I could fix everything. That Rosalie could help fix everything. But obviously…" I trailed off, thinking off how disastrous the consequences of my decision had been. All the things Esme had listed earlier, they all lay at my door. "The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, Gang aft agley, an' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, for promis'd joy," I muttered, more to myself.

"What?" Esme asked.

I told her the more modern version. "The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry, and leave us nothing but grief and pain, for promised joy."

"Exactly, even you mess up sometimes. But you shouldn't blame yourself as long as your intentions were good." I pulled her closer to me as she whispered her comforting words.

"I love you so much," I told her. I lent down to kiss her, and then hesitated, remembering her reaction earlier. A second later I felt her lips gently brush mine.

"I love you too," she whispered before she kissed me properly. I allowed myself a sole moment of comfort, absorbing the fact, as I so often had over the years, that no matter how bad I seemed to make things, my kind heartened wife would also be here by my side.

"And vampires," Esme said as our lips separated. I quirked an eyebrow at her, confused. "The best laid schemes of mice, men, and _vampires_ often go awry."

Despite everything, I couldn't help but give a small chuckle. "That they do, love. That they do."

"What are we going to do about Rosalie?" Esme asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I wish there was something I could do to help her, but short of killing her I can't think what would make her happy."

Esme gasped. "You…"

"Of course not. I could never." I shook my head slightly at the absurdity of that idea. "We'll move as soon as we can. Maybe getting away from Rochester will do her some good, help her leave the memories behind."

"I was thinking I could speak to her. About … moving past her bad memories."

"Will you be OK with that, love?"

Esme sighed. "If it helps her… What if there's nothing we can do to help though?"

"I honestly don't know. I feel so powerless, so useless, and what's worse is I caused all this. I don't feel like a vampire, or even a man. I feel like the mouse."

"Carlisle Cullen, you are not a mouse. If anyone here is a mouse it's me."

"Says the woman who stood up to a enraged newborn earlier today," I tried to make my voice sounding joking, even though the memory of her stood between myself and Rosalie still horrified me.

"I couldn't just stand by and let her attack you." She began to sob into my shoulder. "Oh Carlisle, if anything were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do."

I stroked my wife's hair comfortingly. "I'm never going to leave you," I told her.

After a while her sobbing calmed down. "Carlisle, do you think if we somehow make it through all the pain and grief, we might manage to get the promised joy after all?" I thought about that for a moment. The idea of Rosalie and Edward together was now an absurdity, but perhaps they could learn to live as brother and sister, and, with Esme's help, perhaps Rosalie could began the process of moving on from what had happened to her, and we could all find some sort of semi-balance of peace and normality. It was the most I could wish for at the moment.

"I hope so, love. I hope so."

* * *

**Hola, I'm back. Did you miss me?**

**To all those who reviewed while I was gone, thank you. I hope to get round to personally replying soon, but I thought you would prefet it if I concentrated on writing the chapter.**

**Reviews, as always, are greatly appreicated. Gracias.**

**(Yes, I went to Spain. Yes, those two words pretty much cover my knowledge of the Spanish language. No, I'm not certain I spelt them right - no offence intended.)**


	60. Understandings & Misunderstandings

1934

_Esme_

"See, I told you this 'old shack' could be made into something spectacular," I told the newest member of my family. I wished to call her my daughter, but I knew she would not appreciate the sentiment. It was not even safe for me to think of her as such, not even inside my own mind, for what if I slipped and said it out loud?

Rosalie's eyes were distant, and I knew I would not have wished to know where her mind was. She seemed to realize I had said something and her gaze turned to me.

"What? Yes, it looks nice, Esme," she mumbled.

We were stood in her newly decorated room in our new house in Tennessee. Carlisle and Edward were both out. I knew this could be the perfect moment for me to talk to her privately. With all the hustle and bustle of the move I had not got a chance to yet.

"Can we talk?" I asked her, sitting down on her bed.

"About what?" she asked, but copied me, sitting next to me on the bed.

"What were you thinking about earlier?"

"Esme, I really don't want to talk about it with you."

"Rosalie, you need to talk about it with someone. You need to … let it go, somehow."

"Let it go," she repeated incredulously. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I know more than you might think."

"Really?" she said sarcastically. "Did your fiancé, a man who was supposed to love you," she swallowed uncomfortably before steeling herself to continue, "force himself on you?"

I looked her in the eyes, knowing this was the moment where I would have to reveal my own past suffering.

"Not until after we were already married, but yes." I waited for her reaction to my revelation. I saw the anger flicker in her eyes.

"I'll kill him," she stated simply, with a calm anger that terrified me. She stood up from the bed in one calculated movement.

"He's already dead," I told her. "He died a long time ago now."

Rosalie looked at me like I'd gone mad. "Is that suppose to be a joke?" she asked me incredulously. I was about to ask her what she meant when the sound of the door opening downstairs echoed through the quiet house, followed by Carlisle and Edward's voices. Rosalie's eyes flickered towards where the noise could be heard. Suddenly, Edward's voice cut off.

"What were you trying to tell me, Esme?" she asked, her words had a suggestive edge to them, as if she was testing me.

I shook my head slightly. I did not want to have this conversation within earshot of either Carlisle or Edward, or in Edward's telepathic range. There was no need to make them relive my past with me again.

"We can talk another time, dear," I told her. The affectionate term slipped off my tongue unbidden, but luckily she didn't take any offence to it. Or more likely she wasn't paying attention to me. A hard, cold look had crossed her face, and it scared me. I had seen that look before, on the day she had nearly attacked Carlisle.

"Oh shit," I heard Edward murmur from downstairs. A reprimand flew instantly to my lips but I never got a chance to say it, as Rosalie seemed to have come to some sort of conclusion and flew out the door.

I'm not entirely certain what happened next – it was complete chaos. Rosalie was flying down the stairs and Edward's voice was shouting at her to stop, that she'd misunderstood. Suddenly realization dawned on me. She had the same look she had worn months ago because she was planning the same action. I had told her what my husband had done to me, but I had never clarified which husband. Only one thought filled my mind – I had to stop her. I felt my arm close around hers as I caught up to her, and then the next thing I felt was a blinding pain across my right shoulder, as a metal screeching sound filled the room. I looked over to see what could possibly have caused such pain, the sort of pain I had not felt in any part of my body aside from my throat since my transformation. I screamed shrilly at what I found. I felt the stillness as the movement around me stopped, but I could not look up at them; I was too transfixed by the impossibility my eyes were showing me. Carlisle was by my side half a second after my scream. In other circumstances I would have been relieved to see him after once again fearing for his life, but I had all but forgotten about Rosalie by now.

"My arm," I finally managed to choke out. "Where's my arm?" For there in the space where my right arm should have been there was nothing but air. I could still feel the ghost of the missing limb. I tried to move it, and I heard something smash across the room. Following the noise I saw my disembodied arm flopping around. I gave another scream at the sight, even louder and more high-pitched than the previous one.

As if moving off some silent order, in fact he probably was, Edward moved from where he was stood holding Rosalie back and retrieved my missing limb. Rosalie stood frozen where she was, looking at me in horror. Carefully, she began walking forwards.

"Esme, I'm-" She didn't get any further than that, as Edward, havING given Carlisle my disembodied arm, stepped between the two of us, glaring at her. Still crouched beside me, Carlisle looked at her and growled a warning. The sound shocked me, I had never heard my husband make such sounds expect playfully between the two of us. But that sound was different – harsh and possessive. I had never seen my husband look so much like the vampire he truly was than in that moment.

"Carlisle?" I whispered timidly. He instantly turned his attention back to me, and his face was once more the one I knew – as he looked at me with such love and tenderness. Without a word, he carefully scooped me of the floor, holding my body close to his in a bridal hold. Within seconds we were in our bedroom, and Carlisle gently laid me down on our bed.

"Can you reattach it?" I asked nervously.

"Yes, but it's going to hurt," he replied gravely. I looked at his face, trying my hardest not to look at the space where my arm should have been. Unfortunately, my eyes were drawn to the wiggling limb in Carlisle's hands and I shivered in disgust. I looked away again, trying to find something else to focus on. Beside me, I heard Carlisle give a quiet chuckle. Unable to help myself, I turned my attention back to him, wondering what on Earth he could find amusing in all this. I didn't even have to ask, he knew just from my look.

"Sorry, dear, but you have no idea how much you looked like your sixteen-year-old self then."

I sighed. "I can barely remember," I admitted sadly.

"I helped you to your room. And then we started talking about how you had broke your leg while I re-set it."

I struggled to recall it. "I remember being astonished that anyone would pay that much interest in me, and then upset because I thought you had only been talking to me because you were trying to distract me."

"Oh no, love, you were by far the most interesting patient I had ever come across." A sudden sharp pain throbbed through my shoulder joint and I cried out. The pain lowered in intensity, becoming just prickling stabs. Looking down despite myself, I saw my arm was reattached. I watched in fascination as my skin threaded itself back together on its own accord. I looked up at my husband, who had a slight grin spreading across his face. "And apparently the 'talk to the patient to distract them from what you are doing' technique still works on you." I went to rub my shoulder where the prickling continued, but Carlisle interceded my hand. "Best to just let your body do its job."

"But it hurts," I whined without thinking, if I could have blushed at my child-like behaviour I would off. Carlisle smiled knowingly.

"If morphine worked on vampires I'd give you some, love, you know I hate seeing you in pain."

"I'm fine," I lied, not wanting to upset him. "Sorry about the whining." I ducked my head, embarrassed.

"You're too adorable for words, you know that?" Carlisle asked rhetorically, cupping my face gently, and then giving me a quick kiss. His face then split into a mischievous grin, the one I knew meant he was planning something.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Now listen to me, Miss. Platt," the use of my maiden title let me know he was playing around, talking to me as if I were still the sixteen year-old girl he had treated twenty-two years ago. "If you're a really good girl," or perhaps more like he would treat one of his child patients. This was his way of teasing me about the childish whining. "And leave that arm to heal nicely. I'll give you a lollipop when you come back."

"Unless it's a blood lollipop, I'm not interested, Dr. Cullen," I replied, trying to sound annoyed. The effect was no doubt ruined by the smile I could not suppress. A particularly painful throb made me whimper slightly, and I again tried to use my left hand to at least attempt to do something to help. Again, Carlisle interceded my hand, stopping me from touching the healing wound.

"No lollipops for you then, Miss. Platt," he said as he returned my hand to my side.

"What a shame," I deadpanned.

"Back in a second," he told me, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. He truly was back in a second, and within the next few seconds I had a bandage around the joint where my shoulder met my arm.

"Are bandages really necessary for vampires?" I questioned.

"Probably not. But it'll stop you from touching it during the couple of hours it'll take to heal completely."

Carefully my husband lay down next to me again.

"When did you learn how to reattach vampire limbs?" I asked.

"There was a couple of incidents in Volterra, and then I came across an injured nomad two decades into my stay in the New World. Garrett, his name was, interesting chap." He paused. "But that's not really important right now. What happened today, Esme? Why did Rosalie go berserk?"

"You remember how I said I would talk to her about moving on from her memories, and about my past. Well, I started to try to talk to her, but she misunderstood." I hesitated then, not wanting to share with Carlisle what she had thought.

Carlisle's brow furrowed in confusion. "Misunderstood what?"

"I admitted that my husband … raped me," for I realized now that was undeniable what it was, even if he wasn't legally called that, "during our marriage. I just never clarified," I hesitated again.

"That you meant your human husband. She, she thought I-" Carlisle couldn't even finish the sentence he was so taken aback. "How could she possibly think? I mean I know she, she hates me, but still, how could she think … that I could ever hurt. I could never, I would never, hurt you."

"I know, Carlisle, I know," I whispered comfortingly. I leant over to kiss him, placing my arms either side of his head, and then winced as a sting of pain shot through my shoulder.

"Careful, love," Carlisle said, gently guiding me so I was laid down at his side again. "Don't put too much pressure on your arm."

I smiled. "It's rather interesting seeing you in doctor mode."

Carlisle smiled back and gave me a gentle kiss to the forehead. Just then a loud voice I recognized as Edward's echoed through the house. I had been dimly aware of him and Rosalie talking below us, but there was no ignoring their conversation – more like argument – now.

"Are you completely stupid?" he shouted.

"It was a simple misunderstanding," Rosalie retorted loudly.

"A misunderstanding?" Edward asked with heavy sarcasm. "You tried to kill Carlisle, again. And you ripped Esme's arm off."

"I think I should go intercede," Carlisle told me.

"I'll come with you," I announced. I wasn't certain if his presence without me would help or hinder when it came to stopping their argument. As I went to stand up he stopped me, gently guiding me back down to the bed.

"I'd much rather you stayed in bed for a little while, love."

"I'm not an invalid, Carlisle. Actually, last time I checked I was a vampire."

"Bed rest, love. Just for the next couple of hours. Doctor's orders." He smiled slightly at the last line. Giving in, I laid back down, exaggerating my movements while playfully glaring at him.

Carlisle just chuckled at my antics, and with one last quick kiss to my lips, he left the room.

I heard Carlisle arrive downstairs, and after a few quick sentences, the conversation dropped to whispers. No doubt if I had strained my hearing I could have heard but I couldn't be bothered. My mind drifted to Rosalie and our failed conversation.

"What the hell, Carlisle?" Edward's shout broke through my thoughts. I concentrated once more on the conversation.

"What? What's he thinking?" That was Rosalie.

"Should I tell her? All about your little scheme?"

"What? What scheme? Tell me, Edward." Rosalie was clearly growing quickly annoyed.

I couldn't hear Carlisle's voice so I assumed he was talking to Edward mentally.

"Tell me!" Rosalie screeched. "You! Tell me now!"

I got out of the bed, 'doctor's orders' or not, I wasn't going to just lie there while my family fell to pieces below me.

"What's going on?" I asked. Edward looked up at me.

"Ask your husband," he spat venomously. I turned my attention to Carlisle. He was stood in the middle of the room, looking utterly defeated.

"Carlisle?" I asked, worried. "What's going on?"

"I think we'd all like to know that," Rosalie interjected, annoyed.

"Carlisle?" Edward said. "Going to tell Rosalie here the real reason you changed her?"

Rosalie's eyes fixed on Carlisle. "Tell me," she ordered.

"Go on," Edward said sarcastically. He was worrying me, he did not look or sound like the boy I considered my son. His voice dripped with pure venom, and the look on his face matched.

_Edward! Why are you doing this to your father?_ I saw Edward flinch slightly at my mental question, but the look on his face did not soften as he glared at Carlisle. Rosalie's eyes were also fixed on him. But he didn't say anything. He just stood there.

"I think everyone needs to calm down for a minute," I announced. "Edward. Rosalie. Why don't you go out for a hunt?"

Edward opened his mouth to protest. _Go, Edward, please. _With one last fuming look at his father, he stormed out of the room.

I turned to Rosalie. "Please, Rosalie."

She followed Edward, shouting "Oh, boy! Come back and tell me what the hell just happened. Get back here you bloody mind-reading know-it-all." Eventually both her footsteps and her voice faded away and there was silence.

"What just happened?" I demanded, wheeling on my husband. I felt my temper melt away as I saw the look of misery and guilt etched on his face.

Carlisle sighed wearily. "What happened to bed rest, love?"

I felt my temper increase again slightly. "Carlisle Cullen, don't you dare try and change the-" I cut off as once again I found myself being carried through our house, and within seconds I was being placed on our bed.

"Now we can talk," he said, as he came to sit down next to me. He sighed again and ran his fingers through his blond hair distractively. "I thought I could give her a second chance."

"Rosalie?" I questioned.

He nodded. "You always claim I gave you a second chance at life after everything that happened to you, I thought I could do the same for Rosalie."

"I don't 'claim' anything, you _did_ give me a second chance. But it wasn't just by changing me – it was because you loved me."

"I know, I thought Rosalie could find love with," he cut off and chuckled without humor, "it all sounds so silly now." As he spoke everything became crystal clear in my mind.

"Edward," I finished for him. "You thought … Rosalie and Edward?" I couldn't hide the disbelief from my voice.

Carlisle just sighed yet again. "I told you it sounded silly now." And it did. But I could understand what he had been thinking, that night when he had found Rosalie. There was this dying girl, whose only hope of survival would be transformation, and back home was his – our – beloved son, so morose and depressed all the time. If he could give them the gift of each other. A second chance for them both. The beautiful women whose life had ended so horrifically, who needed someone to help her move on, and the young man who needed someone to prove to him he was not a monster.

Of course, in retrospect, the very thought of Rosalie and Edward together was laughable. You couldn't meet two less compatible people if you tried.

"I just wanted to give her a second chance. To stop Edward from being so depressed. To give him the happiness you've brought to my life," Carlisle muttered, supposedly to me, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.

"You were trying to do the right thing," I told him. "However, it would appear you're a terrible matchmaker," I added, trying to lighten the mood.

"Perhaps I should add it to the list of things I'm not very good at."

"Yes, along with organizing paperwork, drawing, and buying anniversary gifts."

Carlisle chuckled. "Nobody's perfect."

"No, and that does include you."

"I never thought I was perfect, love. I know I've made my share of mistakes."

"Then why do you suffer so much guilt over everything you perceive as a wrong-doing then?" I asked.

"You know Edward once accused me of having a God-complex. Maybe he's right. After all, what right do I have to choose who lives and dies? I should never have interfered with Rosalie's death, or Edward's."

"And mine?" I asked. I knew Carlisle would never wish he had left me to die, but I was trying to prove a point, trying to stop his guilt.

Carlisle shook his head. "I could never have left you to die. I used to tell myself that this was God's plan. That He purposefully placed myself in the right place at the right time to save both you and Edward. But as for Rosalie, I just can't see how she could be a part of His plan, she was a part of no one's plan but my own." I was not as religious as my husband, having all but lost my faith by the time I came to be standing at the top of that cliff, and I generally shied away from any conversation (or argument would probably have been a better term for them) that Carlisle and Edward had on the subject of faith, or creation, or souls. It did not seem all that important if becoming a vampire had made me lose my soul or not, for it had given me Carlisle. However, I could understand my husband's views, that God had a plan for us all, even vampires. For despite all my suffering as a human, He had brought me to Carlisle in the end.

"Perhaps He does has a plan for Rosalie, and we just don't know it yet. After all, He works in mysterious ways."

"And Edward?" he asked.

"There's a plan for everyone."

"He hates me," Carlisle said. "He hates me now. What if this time is the time he doesn't come back?"

"He'll come back. And so will Rosalie. And we'll move forward, as a family," I whispered encouragingly, trying to get myself to believe my words as well.

He looked over at me. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much. What would I do without you?" He kissed me gently; as he went to pull away I used my good arm to pull him back.

"Not an invalid, remember?" I said jokingly. He didn't pull away again until the front door banged open.

"See?" I said. "They're back already."

Rosalie walked into our bedroom. "Esme?" she asked, she fixed her eyes on me as I sat up. "I want to talk to Esme," she said, glaring at Carlisle. Carlisle's eyes drifted to my bandaged arm and then back to Rosalie in an obvious accusation.

"It's fine, love," I told him. He kissed my forehead gently and then left. Rosalie glowered at the shut door for a moment before turning her attention to me.

"Did he tell you the real reason why he changed me?" she asked bitterly.

"Yes. Rosalie, listen to me, I know what Carlisle did seems wrong, but his heart was in the right place."

"You're defending him?" she yelled. "How can you possibly-"

"He wanted to give you a second chance. I've always said he gave me a second chance, after what happened to me as a human, and he thought he could do the same for you." Her temper deflated slightly.

"What happened to you as a human?"

"You remember what I said earlier, about my husband? I meant my human husband. His name was Charles Evenson, and let's just say he wasn't a very nice man."

She looked lost in thought for a moment, and then shook her head. "It's still not the same though. I wanted to die, Esme. Do you understand that?" I could tell being calm wasn't going to help me break through her walls; I needed to give her a quick sharp shock.

"Of course not, Rosalie," I said with heavy sarcasm. "After all, no one could ever understand you. And I just jumped off a cliff for the fun of it."

"What?" she asked, her temper disappeared once more. She sat down next to me on the bed.

"I jumped off a cliff, Rosalie. I committed suicide. I know what it feels like to want to die."

"Why? Why did you?"

"My … my son died." A ripple of grief shot through me. I hadn't thought of William in so long. I tried not to as it just hurt too much. He was dead and there was nothing I could do about it. There was no use in wallowing in the past when I could be enjoying the present. "He died shortly after being born. I, I had no reason left to live then. I had left Charles when I learned I was pregnant."

"I'm sorry," she said, sounding sincere. "I, I wanted children. My friend, Vera, had an adorable son called Henry, and I used to imagine what it would be like when I had children. We, vampires, we can't have children, can we?"

I shook my head. "No. I wish more than anything that I could have children with Carlisle, but it's impossible." My voice shook a little bit as I spoke, I was opening up old wounds, but I would face the bad memories if it meant I could help Rosalie.

Rosalie surprised me then, she leant over and hugged me. I winced a little bit as she brushed against my still healing arm.

"Sorry," she said, looking guiltily at my arm. "I never meant to hurt you." She snorted. "You're about the only person in this household I can stand."

"Carlisle and Edward aren't so bad if you give them a chance."

"You have to say that. They're your husband and … son." She looked like a sudden idea had just hit her and then she smiled triumphantly.

"Rosalie?" I questioned.

"You have a vampire son," she said enthusiastically.

"Yes," I replied cautiously, unsure where she was going with this new topic.

"So I could too. I could have a child. A vampire child." She looked the happiest I had ever seen. I hated to ruin her joy, but I knew I had to. I shook my head at her.

"You can't change a young child, Rosalie. It's against the law. The Volturi would just kill you and the child, and all of us as well." Rosalie's triumph deflated instantly.

"It isn't fair," she cried. For once she looked vulnerable, all the walls had come crashing down. I rubbed her back comfortingly. "Why couldn't my life have just turned out like planned. I could have married, and had kids-" She stopped herself then. "I wanted to marry Royce though. Do you, do you think my marriage would have turned out like yours? Your human one, I mean."

"I don't know. My marriage was all but arranged for me. From the first night I knew I had made a mistake, but I tried to tell myself things would get better. It was about a month after I had married him I accepted that they wouldn't. That was the first night he hit me, that he hurt me outside the bedroom."

"I'm sorry, Esme. How, how long did you stay with him?"

"We'd been married over three years when I found out I was pregnant. Even then, at first, I had thought it was impossible to leave him. I had lived in fear of him for so long, I just began assuming what he did was normal. That this was the way of the world, the way it was between man and wife."

"I could have ended up like that." She shook her head sadly. "Well, Royce probably never would have wanted to hit me in case it ruined my looks," she said darkly. "I used to be so proud of my looks. So vain. You know what I wish, Esme? I wish I had been born plain, and then I could have married someone who loved me for me. And no one would ever had wanted to rape me."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Rosalie. Someday, you're going to met someone who sees the good inside of you, and thinks you're beautiful because of that, not because of how you look on the outside."

"The good inside of me?" she repeated incredulously. "There is no good inside of me, Esme. I'm a monster." She gestured at her immortal body.

"Then so am I," I retorted.

"I pulled your arm off. You're the only person who's actually shown me any sympathy and I pulled your goddamn arm off."

"I think we've already covered that was an accident. And you think there isn't any good in you? Then why were you trying to defend me? To protect me? Admittedly from the wrong person, but the intentions were still there."

She smiled, if only slightly. "I don't know how I could have thought you meant Carlisle. I've seen the pair of you together. It's clear he loves you. I guess I was just … blinded by hate."

"I understand you being angry at Carlisle, but please believe me when I say he was just trying to do what was for the best."

"I don't know if I can forgive him that easily, Esme. How did you?"

I gave her the same answer I had once given Edward. "He give me a second chance at life, how could I ever be angry."

"A second chance," she repeated. "What he was supposed to give me. With Edward." She said the last part sarcastically.

A slight smile crept onto my lips. "So that part didn't turn out so well. But I do believe you will get your second chance someday."

"But when?" she asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "But, Rosalie, for it to ever happen you need to let go of the past." She looked at me then, scrutinizing me.

"It's not that easy, Esme."

"I know," I told her. "Some days I still miss William, sometimes I still see memories of Charles and they scare me."

"And what do you do then?"

"I tell myself I'm safe now, and you are too. No one here will ever hurt you."

She smiled slightly again. "Despite everything, I believe you."

"It gets better, I promise."

"Thank you, Esme." She stood up to leave, but paused halfway across the room. "Esme," she said tentatively. "I told Carlisle I'd never be his daughter. But I would have been proud to call you my mother."

"Thank you, Rosalie." And then my daughter – for I couldn't think of her as anything else now – left the room.

* * *

**A slightly softer side to Rosalie at the end there. This was enough one of those chapters that was supposed to be focused around one thing (Esme and Rosalie bonding) but sort of went off on a tangent. I really like it though, and I hope you all do too :)**

**I'd love to hear what you thought of Esme and Rosalie here, especially Rosalie as I'm never certain if I'm writing her IC or not.**

**Also, I was just making it up as I went along when it came to what it's like for a vampire to lose a limb and have it reattached. **

**Also I've been re-vamping (hehe re-vamping, vampires. Sorry, but you should all know about my weird sense of humor by now) some of the earlier chapters, particularly Part Two. There's no major plot changes, just a few tweaks and some extra scenes that popped into my mind while I was on holiday and insisted on being added. (Annoying perfectionist tendencies.) I just thought I'd tell you in case any of you were obsessive re-readers like me (in which case I'm rather honored if you choose to re-read my humble fic) so you didn't get confused**.


	61. Help Him, Please!

1935

_Carlisle_

"How was school?" my wife asked my son.

"Fine," he replied monotonously.

"And Rosalie?" she continued.

"Fine," he replied again.

"She didn't have any problems?" Though Rosalie had shown amazing self-control in her first two years as a vampire, we had both still been worried when she decided she wanted to attend school along with Edward.

"No."

"Whatever happened to answers over one word?" she asked, slightly annoyed.

Edward glared at her. "_I'm_ fine," he said exasperatingly, before going upstairs. My wife stared at the door he'd just exited for a second before turning to where I was sat on the sofa, watching their conversation.

"He's not fine," she told me. She came and sat down next to me and I wrapped my arm round her waist comfortingly. She shook her head slightly. "There's less arguments, there's less shouting and fights, there's less … you nearly getting attacked, and that should all be a good thing, that is all a good thing. But there's just … nothing. They're almost lifeless, and it scares me."

Esme had a point. Over the last year, Rosalie's temper may have subsided slightly, but both her and Edward had retreated into themselves – avoiding each other best they could, and barely speaking to Esme and me. Both were still angry at me for my decision and my reasons behind it, though neither said as much, it was obvious, and so Esme was left trying to fly between all three of us, trying to keep us all together.

"I don't like living in a house full of strangers, Carlisle. It's scares me." My wife's voice began to shake a little, and I pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry, love," I whispered into her hair.

"Oh no," her voice regained its strength, "don't you go apologizing for things that aren't your fault again."

"I'm so-" I caught myself just in time. She giggled slightly.

"You always do that. Every time I tell you to stop apologizing."

"Where is Rosalie, anyway?" I asked. She had been out of the house since I returned home for the hospital four hours ago.

"Hunting," Esme replied. "She's been out a long time though." She gave a slight sigh. "I don't think she's getting any better, Carlisle. I don't know what else we can do to help her."

"Me neither, dear." Esme snuggled closer into my embrace, and for a short while I just held her. Our moment was ruined when the scent of fresh blood breezed through the house. I felt Esme stiffen, and as I looked at her I noticed her eyes were pitch black. I held her a little tighter. It was odd though, the blood smelled fresh, as if someone was bleeding, and it seemed to be getting closer.

Edward rushed into the room. His eyes were as dark as Esme's, but his face was livid.

"What the hell is she thinking?"

_Edward? What's going on?_

"You'll find out soon enough, Carlisle."

I could hear what sounded like vampire footsteps, along with a slowing heartbeat, and Rosalie's scent was mixed in with that of the blood. A few seconds later, Rosalie burst through the door; in her arms she was caring a large, bulky human man. He had several large scratches across his chest, and the blood flowed freely from then. It would have been clear to even a human he was dying. Rosalie's eyes searched around the room until they landed on me.

"You! Save him!" she ordered.

"Rosalie, what?" I asked, completely taken by surprise. She placed the dying man on our sofa, and then turned to me again.

"Save him!" she screeched.

I moved to sit beside him, and quickly assessed his injuries. My assessment only confirmed what I had already known - this man would die soon.

"Rosalie, he's too badly injured. There's nothing I can do," I told her. I had no idea why this man was so important to her, but I still wished I could help her somehow. I owed her that much surely.

"Yes, this is!" she implored. "Save him like you did me, and Esme, and Edward." Suddenly what she really meant impacted on me.

"Rosalie, I couldn't," I stammered. After changing Rosalie and watching the disastrous events that followed unfold, I had promised myself I would not change another human, no matter what. I would not play God again.

"Please, Carlisle. Help him, please," she pleaded. That shocked me, I had never seen Rosalie plea for anything before, this must have been important to her. "You owe me this, at least," she insisted, her voice hardening slightly once more.

I looked down at the man on the sofa, I could calculate he had a few minutes left to live, and then back up at Rosalie. I wanted to give her this, if it could make up for even the tiniest bit of all I'd done to her, I would do it. My eyes flickered to where Edward and Esme watched from the sidelines. I could not do this to them again, force another unwanted newborn on them. I would only do this if it were their decision too. Without a word, Esme came and stood next to me, gently squeezing my hand. It was her silent approval. All eyes turned to Edward. Somehow, without words, we had all realized the decision now lay in his hands. For a few seconds, there was no sound apart from the groans of pain from the dying man; we were all holding our breath. Edward's eyes travelled to Rosalie for a moment, and then back to me. He gave the tiniest of nods.

I steeled myself for the task ahead. I felt Esme let go off my hand, and I heard it as her, Edward, and Rosalie all backed away. I concentrated on the man's neck.

"I'm sorry. This is going to hurt, but it'll end eventually," I whispered to him, and then I bit down. The blood filled my mouth, but like with Rosalie's, it was nothing to Esme's blood over a decade ago. It was easy enough to pull myself away and I went to the kitchen we never used to spit the blood back into the sink. I cleaned the sink quickly, and then went back into the living room. Rosalie was sat holding the man's hand.

My eyes travelled to Edward and Esme, their eyes were black. Rosalie's were too.

"You all need to go hunt," I announced. Edward and Esme look relieved, but Rosalie stiffened at my words.

"I'm not leaving him," she said determinedly. I had a flashback of myself at Esme's side during her transformation, holding her hand and refusing to go hunt when Edward told me to. I looked at the man on the sofa again. Was he Rosalie's Esme?

"OK," I said to her gently.

Edward walked out the door hurriedly, but Esme stopped before me.

"I love you," she said, before kissing me. She pulled away sharply, with a shocked look on her face, though her tongue licked her lips predatorily. "You taste like," she stammered.

"I love you too. Go hunt," I said, then kissed her forehead. She disappeared after Edward.

Rosalie was whispering comfortingly to the man, who had began to thrash slightly and cry out with the pain.

"Emmett," he managed to choke out between his screams, "Emmett McCarty."

"Emmett," Rosalie whispered fervently. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this. I don't know why I asked. I couldn't leave you. I just couldn't." And for the first time ever, Rosalie began to sob.

"Don't. Cry. Angel," Emmett managed to say. But then I think the pain became too much and he didn't speak again.

"I'm sorry," Rosalie whispered again. "You're going to become like me, and I hate what am I. But I thought, maybe, you could help make it better. I'm so sorry. I hope you don't hate me. You'll probably wonder why you. You were special, that's all I can say. I saw you, and I had to save you. I just had to."

I suddenly felt like I was invading something personal and private, and turned to leave. I was nearly at the doorway when I heard Rosalie speak again.

"Thank you, Carlisle." I turned around, but could only see the back of her head. She was facing Emmett again.

"You're welcome, Rosalie," I said, and then I turned and went upstairs.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Edward and Esme arrived back in the morning.

"I have school soon," Edward said once he had changed clothes.

"I'm ill," Rosalie said from her spot beside Emmett. Edward looked at me.

"I'll write her a doctor's note," I announced

Once I had written the note and seen Edward off, I went back into the living room. Esme had brought a bucket and sponge for Rosalie to clean up Emmett with. When she saw me, she walked over and interlocked our hands.

"Let's leave her to it," she said, leading me up to our bedroom.

"A new son," she said happily once we were both sat together on our bed. "And a spark of life into our daughter." Only Esme would dare to claim Rosalie as 'our' daughter, I never would in fear of angering her. "And an older brother for Edward," she continued.

"A spark of life," I echoed wonderingly. "Just what our family needed." Esme couldn't contain her smile, it seemed all her worries about the lifelessness of her children had disappeared with the arrival of our newest.

"You made the right decision," she told me.

"For once, love, I'm not doubting that." Something had been needed to bring our family back to life. Hopefully, that 'something' was Emmett.

* * *

**And so we have Emmett… I'd love to hear your thoughts as always :)**


	62. God & His Angels

1935

_Emmett_

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the angel. _Have I made it to Heaven then somehow?_ I had been certain the burning meant I was in Hell. After all, I had done a few naughty things in my twenty years. But through it all I had not given up hope of seeing my angel again, I had imagined her voice whispering to me. I had not concentrated on the words; just the sound of her voice was comforting.

"Emmett?" a male voice asked. I focused my attention on it, trying to find its owner. I recognized him as the man whose face I had seen last before the pain. There was only one person it could be. _Holy shit, it's God!_

"Yes, sir?" I asked, slightly afraid. There are not many things that could frighten me, but this was God we were talking about.

God smiled slightly. "There's no need for that, Emmett. You can call me Carlisle."

_God's called Carlisle? Well, that's … odd._

"Can you explain this quickly, please," a different male voice said exasperatedly. I turned to found a male angel. _I'm sure he was in the Bible. What's his name again? It begins with a G…_

"Like, _now_, would be good," the male angel continued. Who knew angels were so rude. I turned my attention back to God, wondering why he didn't tell the male angel where to go, or whatever the God-like equivalent was.

A different female angel came over and held God's hand. They shared a look that I knew well.

_Wow, God's fucking one of his angels. They certainly don't tell you that in the Bible._

The blonde angel came to stand next to me, I half-reached out my hand, before pulling it back.

_Maybe only God's allowed to do that. I wonder if he's with all of them? Then why am I here? And the other male one. Unless… wow! They seriously never told us that in the Bible! If they'd been talking about God and his harem of mixed sex angels I would have paid more attention. Wait a minute, does that mean I'm expected to… oh shit! No way!_

The male angel (I had given up trying to remember his name, I never did pay much attention in Church) started to laugh. God and the two female angels stared at him incredulously. God was looking at him sternly, it was like he was giving him a lecture, but I couldn't hear it. The male angel sobered up.

"Carlisle isn't God, and we're not angels," the male angel – who apparently wasn't an angel – said.

"I'm not God," God – or not God – said.

"What are you then, sir?" I asked. God or not, Mama had always taught me to be polite to strangers. "Be as rowdy as you want at home, boys, but always mind your manners around others, particularly if you're in their home." She had known with three sons she had no chance of controlling us all the time, so she settled for making sure we never shamed her in front of others. As always I felt a pang of grief when I thought of Mama. But then I remembered I was dead now, just like her.

"Where's Mama?" I asked, for surely she had to be here in Heaven somewhere.

"This isn't Heaven," the male not an angel said. Of course, he had said he wasn't an angel, so that should have given away this wasn't Heaven, but for one second I had forgotten that, at the thought of seeing Mama again.

"But I'm dead, right?" I asked. "No way I got away from that fucking bear alive." I suddenly remembered there were ladies in the room. Mama would have been ashamed. "Sorry, ma'am," I said to the ang-, woman, by Go-, Carlisle's, side. "Sorry, miss," I said to the woman who saved me.

"You were dying, yes, Emmett. And, in a sense, you are dead." I looked at Carlisle in bewilderment. _How could I be 'in a sense' dead? Either you're dead or you're not._

"No offence, sir, but that makes no sense."

Carlisle sighed. "I made you into a vampire."

"A vampire?" I said calmly, glad we finally seemed to be getting somewhere. At least, I now had a name for what I was. "As in blood sucking demon?" Four heads nodded at me, watching me. I shrugged. "Shouldn't we go suck some blood or something then?" Four pairs of eyes looked at me in confusion.

"Aren't you angry?" my angel - even though apparently she wasn't an angel, I couldn't think of her as anything else – asked.

I shook my head. "No, miss. Why?" She looked away, but I didn't miss the look of sadness that crossed her features. On impulse, I went to pick up her hand; she jumped and flinched away from my touch. In that one moment, I realized something. The angel was broken, and I had to do everything I could to fix her again.

Carlisle started to talk again, explaining about vampires, and how his family lived off animal blood. It didn't sound very vampire-like to me, but if living off animal blood was the price for being near my angel, I would happily pay it. They told me their names, and how Carlisle - Dr. Cullen, even, since it was rude to call him by his first name- worked at the hospital and how Edward and Miss. Rosalie went to the local school.

"Would you like to go hunt, Emmett?" Dr. Cullen asked kindly.

"Yes, sir. I just have one more question. I can't ever see my family again, can I?" I asked sadly. I would miss my father and my little brothers. My stepmother not so much. My two full younger brothers barely remembered Mama, it was just me who could, and so they had been more willing to accept my stepmother. In my mind though, she was half the woman Mama was. She was just adequate. She was an OK wife to Papa, and an OK mother to my younger brothers, both full and half. But she let them run wild, and I was the only one who had even attempted to keep any of the manners Mama had tried her best to instil in us. _Not that I didn't run wild as well a lot of the time …_

Dr. Cullen shook his head sadly.

"Right, let's go hunt," I said enthusiastically, trying to hide my disappointment. A sudden idea occurred to me. "Do you people hunt bears?" I asked enthusiastically. I really wanted to take one of the fuckers down. Edward snorted with laughter.

"Where did you find him again, Rosalie?" he asked sarcastically. Miss. Rosalie glared at him. I'd just about had it with him.

"I believe I was in the forest, _Master_ Edward," I replied politely, purposefully emphasizing the master part to remind the _boy_ he was younger than me.

"Master," he snorted sarcastically. "I'm older than you."

"Really? You're how old? Fourteen? Fifteen?" Beside me I heard Miss. Rosalie giggle. It was a beautiful sound. Edward glowered at me.

"Edward's physically seventeen, Emmett. But he was born in 1901 which means he is, technically, fourteen years old than you," Dr. Cullen explained.

"Oh," was all I had to say. Instant curiosity overtook me. "How old are the rest of you?"

"I'm eighteen," Miss. Rosalie said, "but I was born in 1915, like you." The idea she was the same age as me made me happy.

"Dr. Cullen? Mrs. Esme?" I asked.

"Did no one ever tell you you're not suppose to ask a lady her age," Mrs. Esme said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am-" I began.

"I was joking, Emmett," she clarified sweetly, smiling. "And I'm twenty-six, and I was born in 1895."

"And I'm twenty-three, and I was born in the 1640s, I'm not certain when. Time wasn't kept as accurately for the common man back then." I looked at Dr. Cullen in surprise; the whole 'immortal' thing hadn't impacted on me till then. The man was nearly three hundred years old.

"That's slightly weird," I said, because it was. He looked at me curiously. "Well, depending what why you look at it, you're either three years younger than your wife, or two hundred and fifty years older."

Dr. Cullen chuckled, and Mrs. Esme smiled. "I guess that is slightly weird," they both said simultaneously.

"That was slightly weird too," I said, because, again, it was. They just laughed again. I noticed the burning in my throat, which I had been trying my best to ignore, was increasing.

"We need to take Emmett hunting," Edward stated, shooting a significant look at Dr. Cullen. Edward headed out the door, followed by Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Esme. I went to follow them, but Miss. Rosalie timidly caught my hand.

"I'm sorry about your family," she whispered. The same sad, broken look from before crossed her face again. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her everything was OK, but instead I said,

"It's not your fault, miss, don't worry. Now, let's go get some bears." She let go of my hand, and together we both went out the door.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

My first hunt was amazing. We even managed to find a hibernating bear. Once we arrived back at the house, Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Esme went upstairs. Miss. Rosalie disappeared after a few awkward minutes. Unfortunately, that just made things more awkward as it left just Edward and me.

_Where's she going?_ I wondered.

"Just out, probably to the garage," Edward said. I looked at him confused.

"How'd you-"

He sighed dramatically. "To get this conversation over with, I can read minds."

"Read minds? Is that like your vampire superpower?"

Edward shook his head in amazement. "How are you taking this so well?"

"What?"

"Being a vampire."

I shrugged. "So I'm a vampire. At least I'm not dead."

"Technically, you are." _Smartass._ "I'm not a smartass, it's just true," he said exasperatedly.

I laughed out loud. "You heard that? Awesome."

"Most people don't see it that way," he said darkly.

"You really need to cheer up, pal. Like go get yourself a woman, or something. I know this awesome speakeasy, the women there are smoking hot and easy." I had been there many times as a human – that sounded weird – but my interest has suddenly dwindled. None of the women there could hold a candle to Miss. Rosalie, but at least I could get Edward some action. _Maybe he'll finally cheer up._ And I could get some booze.

Edward sighed. "To start with, you'd kill everyone there, secondly, I'd kill any of the women, and thirdly, vampires can't drink."

"Oh." I'd temporarily forgotten I was a vampire. "Aren't you just a cheery bundle of joy?" I said sarcastically.

Edward sighed again. "I don't mean to be rude or snappy, that's just the way things are, Emmett. And I'm sorry if I was rude to you and Rosalie earlier."

I waved my hand nonchalantly, as if to wave his apology away. "Pal, already forgotten."

"We don't forget, Emmett," he told me. _Smartass_. This time I thought it on purpose. Edward just chuckled. Then he glowered up at the ceiling.

"Sheesh, what did the ceiling ever do to you?" I asked jokingly.

"Do you want to go to the garage?" he asked.

"Isn't Miss. Rosalie in there?" I asked nervously, I didn't want to disturb her.

"Yes, but it's out of earshot of the house."

"Why does that matter?" I asked. Just then a low moan sounded from upstairs. Edward glared at the ceiling again.

"Well, I'm going even you're not," he said, turning to leave. A couple more moans of pleasure drifted down from upstairs.

"Right behind you," I announced, and together we ran from the house at top speed.

I caught Miss. Rosalie's scent outside the garage.

"Are you sure she won't mind?" I asked Edward. The last thing I wanted was to upset her.

"She'll understand," Edward said before opening the doorway.

Miss. Rosalie looked at him curiously as he walked in, then she saw me. I smiled at her, and earned a timid smile in return. Her eyes then returned to Edward, demanding an explanation.

"Carlisle and Esme," was all he had said to say, and understanding washed over her face. Edward laughed. "There's not many things we agree on, but this is one of them."

"The only one," Rosalie said sharply, and I laughed.

"By the way, can you hear them? Like their thoughts. When they're, you know," I asked Edward.

"Unfortunately, yes," he replied, annoyed. I laughed again.

"That must be creepy."

"Indeed," he agreed testily. I turned my attention back to Miss. Rosalie, and for the first time I noticed the car bonnet was open.

"Do you understand cars, Miss. Rosalie?" I asked, amazed by the idea of a woman into cars. Gems like that were rare. Most women shied away from anything mechanical.

"Yes," she said, looking embarrassed.

"That's awesome," I told her, and she smiled again. If I could spend all day making her smile, I would. It would be worth it.

She turned on Edward. "You promised to explain how this worked to me," she said accusingly, pointing at him, eyes narrowed.

"I didn't _promise_ anything, Rosalie. I said I _might_ be willing to."

"I'll tell you, Miss. Rosalie," I interjected. _Stop being rude to Miss. Rosalie_, I told Edward.

We spent the next hour with the three of us looking at the car. I wasn't allowed to touch anything in case my newborn strength made me break it. They both acted like being super strong was annoying, and I'd be happy when it was gone, but I enjoyed the idea of being stronger than everyone forever. Edward clearly ignored my order, and him and Miss. Rosalie kept getting into arguments. She was like no woman I had ever met before, so spirited.

"What are you children up to in here?" Mrs. Esme asked as she walked in the door. She looked very happy, no doubt because of what she had been doing early.

"I'm not a child, Mrs. Esme," I corrected her.

"Of course not," she said fondly, in the sort of voice you would speak to a child with. I decided to let it drop. Dr. Cullen walked in and stood next to his wife, wrapping his arm around her waist. Those two couldn't seem to stand next to each other without some part of them touching the other. It was kind of sweet, in a sort of creepy way. He wore that satisfied look of a man who'd just got some. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward glaring at me. He seemed to do that a lot – glare.

_Sorry, pal.__ But it's true. There's no need to act like such a virgin around the subject of sex. _That just earned me another glare. _Seriously, stop with the glaring. _

"What you working on now?" Dr. Cullen asked. Edward began to explain. I dropped backwards so there was room for him to look into the bonnet. Mrs. Esme came to stand next to me.

"I haven't had a chance to say welcome to the family yet, dear," she said in the same sweet talking-to-a-child voice. There was something about her that reminded me of Mama.

"Thank you, Mrs. Esme."

Dr. Cullen came and stood next to his wife again.

"Leaving the children to it?" Mrs. Esme asked him jokingly. There she went with the 'children' again.

"Something like that," he replied light-heartedly. "I think we'll leave you to it. But as Esme said, welcome to the family, son."

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen," I replied, deciding not to question the last word. The two of them left.

I turned to Edward and Miss. Rosalie. "You really should tell them you're not children. They act as if they were your parents."

"I do consider Carlisle and Esme my parents," Edward said solemnly. Least that explained why he was so weirded out by the idea of them having sex. No one wants to think about his parents like that.

"Oh. While I guess that makes sense for you, _Master_ Edward." He glowered at me again. "But they're only like three and six years old than me. It' s slightly weird."

"You tell them that then," Edward said.

I shrugged. "If playing families makes them happy I'll go along with it, _little brother_. What about you, Miss. Rosalie?" I had suddenly realized that this could mean she was my sister, and that would be really creepy and incest-y, given how I felt about her.

There was a moment's silence then she said, "Pass me the wrench, please." She turned her head away, but not before I saw the sad, broken look again. As we all went to back work, I knew the important job was not fixing the car, but fixing my angel.

* * *

**Again, I've gone off on a bit of a tangent. It was supposed to be just Emmett waking up and thinking Carlisle and the others were God and his harem of angels (sorry, weird sense of humor, you should know this by now. Emmett's POV is a great place for me to use it), which is mentioned in one of Stephenie's one-shot (the God part, not the harem part, that's all me, and my weirdness). A little off the topic of CxE, but I like it so, hey.**

**Also there will be more about Rosalie and how she came to be interested in cars in a couple of chapters.**

**Just like I try to write Rosalie as more than just the 'bitch', I try to make Emmett more than just the 'simpleton.'**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated :) What did you make of Emmett?**


	63. Emmett

1935

_Carlisle_

"I officially give up predicting how newborns are going to act," I told my wife. I heard her giggle from where her head lay on my chest.

"Cheery and nonchalant is a lot better than angry," she replied.

"True," I said. "It's a little unnerving though. I've grown to expect a little anger. Or at least disgust."

"I wasn't angry or disgusted."

"Oh really? And I quote," I cleared my throat, "'No! There is no way I'm going to go into the forest and take down some poor little defenceless animal by biting it to death so I can suck its blood. It's absurd. Ridiculous. Preposterous. It's, it's, just not going to happen'," I quoted, imitating Esme's voice. My wife sat up and glared at me.

"That is not funny, and I don't sound like that." I smiled at her. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "Stop smirking at me." I smiled even more. Then without warning she pounced on top of me, keeping my arms trapped above my head. I'm sure if I'd wanted to I could have fought her off, but I had no desire to do so. "Say sorry," she growled playfully.

"Sorry," I replied obediently.

"You were a perfectly normal, lovely newborn, Esme, love," she said in a bad imitation of my British accent.

"You were a perfectly normal, lovely newborn, Esme, love," I replied, letting my voice slip into my actual British accent. Next thing I knew she was kissing me.

"It's that accent of yours," she moaned between kisses. In one swift movement I had flipped us over so I was on top. "How do you do that?" she grumbled jokingly.

I had just started lavishing kisses on her neck and the part of her chest that wasn't covered by her dress, when a loud shout from below disturbed us.

"It's my turn," Rosalie's voice insisted.

"It's my piano," Edward's voice shot back. Below me, Esme groaned in annoyance.

"You wanted more life in them, love," I said, standing up.

"Yes, but not so they could go back to shouting at each other," she replied, also standing up.

We arrived downstairs just in time to hear Emmett say, "Have you never heard the phrase 'ladies first', Master Edward." I had to stifle a chuckle, whenever Edward annoyed Emmett, or more likely annoyed Rosalie therefore annoying Emmett, he retorted by referring to Edward as 'Master Edward.' "I'd love to hear you play, Miss. Rosalie." He took Rosalie's hand and led her to the piano. Rosalie smiled at him. I shared a knowing look with Esme. For the last month we had been watching from the sidelines as he and Rosalie became closer, at a painstakingly slow pace. Rosalie, hesitant to enter a relationship with any man, even with this likeable man she had purposefully chosen to save from a bear, and Emmett, afraid to upset her, not wanting to try anything too quickly with the 'lovely Miss. Rosalie', as he called her.

Rosalie began to play the piano, and Emmett sat down on the bench next to her.

"Come on, let's leave them alone," Esme whispered to me, and pulled me into the dining room. Edward followed us.

"It was bad enough waiting for you two to get a clue," he complained, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's debatable," he said to Esme, presumably she had just asked if we had been better or worse.

_How are you doing, son?_

"I'm fine, Carlisle. Emmett's alright, much more preferable than Rosalie." There was a shout of protest from the next room. "Though if I get called 'Master Edward' one more time," he grumbled.

"I'm just joking with that, mate," Emmett shouted from the next room.

"I know," Edward replied exasperatedly.

"Oh yeah, mind reader. I keep forgetting that."

"Emmett, there's no need to shout 'Can you hear me, Edward?' in your mind. I can hear you."

"Just checking," Emmett said as he walked through the door, Rosalie just behind him.

"Yes, Rosalie, I can hear you too," Edward said exasperatedly.

"Just checking," she said with a smirk.

"So I was just wondering, what exactly do vampires do for fun?" Emmett asked. "Aside from killing bears, which is a lot of fun, I'll attempt."

"Well, we should have a some games around here," Esme told him. "There's a chess board in our room - don't play Edward, he cheats – and there should be some cards around here somewhere. Don't play snap as a newborn though." I couldn't quite resist a smile, remembering those early times when we had both been so shy and awkward around each other.

"I didn't mean clever people games. Aside from snap, snap isn't a clever people game. Who played snap as a newborn? Even I can tell that's a bad plan."

"Me," Esme admitted. "And yes, I smashed the dining table. Though someone could have warned me." She looked over at me. I raised my hands in mock-surrender.

"I'd never even played snap before in my life, how was I supposed to know?"

"Anyway," Emmett interjected. "I meant like sports. Football, baseball, something like that."

"Oh," Esme said. "I don't know. We've never done anything like that before."

"We could try, couldn't we?" Rosalie asked us, looking at Emmett.

"I suppose we could try," I said. "I'll go into town and buy some equipment."

"I'll come with you," Edward announced.

"Can I go come to?" Emmett asked enthusiastically.

I hated to disappoint him, but I shook my head. "You're a newborn, Emmett. You can't go near humans."

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"You can stay home with me," Rosalie said to him, and he perked up again instantly.

I followed Edward out to the car, and Esme followed me. She was still in her perky mood from earlier.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked. "I never imagined you as much of a sports fan."

Esme rolled her eyes. "I'm not. But we're going to go out and play a game together, as a family." Her smile became wider on the last part.

"I love you so much, you know that? Just for the way you love us all. Me and the children." I chuckled slightly at the last part. I had been amazed when Edward had allowed me to call him 'son', but to be able to say 'the children' was still a shock to me every time I said it.

"I'm a wife and mother, it's my job. And I love you too, simply for loving and taking care of us all." She pulled my head down to kiss me. Too soon, Edward's voice interrupted.

"Can we go now, please?" he said testily. With one last kiss to the forehead, I said goodbye to Esme and climbed into the car. The passenger's side I noticed.

"Of course," Edward said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes, but noted that my son seemed a lot happier than he had been in a while. Of course, we'd all been happier since Emmett joined our family. His cheery disposition cut through the gloom that had been hanging over us all. The general atmosphere in my home hadn't been this happy since before Edward had left back in 1927. Of course, we'd had fun moments since then, but never had the overall atmosphere been as happy as it was now. Esme was certainly in a better mood, and we'd definitely been having more fun recently.

"Can you please stop that thought there?" Edward asked exasperatedly.

After a couple more minutes we arrived at the general store.

"We're probably best just buying the balls and a glove, and then making the bats and bases ourselves," Edward said. "Not many people can afford something as frivolous as sports nowadays."

As we were driving home with our new purchases, I turned my attention to Edward.

_You seem happier, son._

Edward shrugged. "It's been a long time since I got a chance to play sports. I used to play baseball with some of my friends. I couldn't tell you their names, I can't even see their faces properly, but I can just about remember us playing." He spoke sadly, his face wore that look of concentration we all wore when trying to remember our human lives. "I think I played catch with my father when I was younger, as well." We lapsed into silence until we arrived home.

Emmett barrelled out the back door. "Did you get the stuff?" he shouted.

Edward nodded. "We need to make the bats and bases though."

"How are we going to do that?" Emmett asked, and Edward nodded towards the trees. I left them to it and went inside the house. Esme and Rosalie were deep in conversation, but cut off when I entered the room.

"I'm off to get changed," Rosalie announced and left the room. I walked over to sit next to my wife.

"Where's Emmett gone?" she asked.

"He's making the bats and bases with Edward," I told her.

"Bonding with his brother," she said happily. I smiled too and pulled her close, unable to help myself – her happiness was contagious.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"That could be a problem," I said from my place in the outfield, after hearing the large booming sound the bat made when it connected with the ball.

"So could this," Esme, who was acting as umpire, said, as she picked up the abandoned bat Emmett had thrown away to run. It was split in the two, the top part hanging on by a few threads of wood.

"Oh, yeah!" Oblivious to us, Emmett managed to get a homerun. "High five," he said to Rosalie, his teammate. She looked confused for a second, before responding.

"I don't think baseball's going to work, Emmett," I said.

"Are you just saying that because Rosalie and me are winning?" I chuckled, while noting this was the first time he had called her just 'Rosalie'. Hopefully, that meant he was beginning to stop seeing us as strangers.

"Didn't you hear the noise when you hit the ball?" Edward asked incredulously.

"So?" Emmett asked with a shrug.

"How do we explain that if humans hear it?" Edward said, as if he was explaining something to a child.

_You're being rude, Edward!_

"But we're in the middle of the forest, who's going to be around to hear it? I think you two are just sore losers."

"Yes, Emmett, you're right, it's very unlikely there will be any humans around to hear us. But there's still a small chance there could be, so we can't take the risk. Just in case," I explained.

He thought about my words for a second before shrugging. "Football then? I don't know how we'll play it with just four of us though."

"Actually, I think I'll sit this one out," Rosalie said, walking over to stand next to Esme on the outlines.

"How are we going to do this with just three of us?" Emmett asked. Both Edward and I thought for a minute and then shrugged.

"We could take it in turns for one of us to have the ball and the others try and take him down while he tries to run from one side of the clearing to the other. If you make it, you score a touchdown," Emmett suggested.

"This doesn't sound like a very safe game to play with a newborn," I said. Edward nodded.

"Scared?" Emmett asked us both with a grin.

Edward scoffed. "As if." Before I could say anything else they were off. They didn't even have the football with them. Emmett lunged for Edward, who quickly darted out of the way, and they continued in that pattern. I hesitated for a moment watching, unsure if they were playing or fighting for real.

"Boys!" Esme's worried shout sounded through the air. "Boys, stop it! You could get hurt!"

Both stopped and turned to look at her, much to their surprise they were grinning. She rushed forward.

"Are you both OK?" she said, fussing over both of them

"We were just playing, Ma," Emmett said. Esme looked over at him in surprise, but he didn't seem to notice, he was looking at Edward. "How do you get of the way like that?" Edward tapped his temple in response. "You were reading my mind?" Emmett asked, outraged. "You little cheat! One more time, little brother, this time without the mind reading."

"I can't just turn it off," Edward explained.

"Fine, I'll take you on anyway," Emmett replied smugly, and they were off again. Though I knew they were just playing, it still looked very real. I heard Esme give a little whimper and I went to stand with her, wrapping my arm around her comfortingly.

"They're just playing, love," I told her gently.

"Do they have to play so rough?" she retorted.

"Boys will be boys."

"I hope Emmett beats Edward's ass," Rosalie said walking over to us. Esme whimpered again, and I glared at Rosalie, who just rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Edward's had an good ass-kicking coming to him since day one!"

Esme turned on Rosalie. "It's not nice to talk about your brother that way, Rosalie! And I can't watch this anymore." She began rushing towards where Edward and Emmett still play fought. "Boys! That's enough! Break it up now! BOYS!"

Emmett and Edward stopped their fight, both laughing. Emmett was still laughing by the time we got home. Even Edward still seemed in a cheery mood. Rosalie stayed by Emmett's side, smiling at his jokes.

"See, darling. You wanted everyone happier. Look at them," I said to Esme.

"Couldn't they enjoy themselves without trying to kill each other though?" she replied, though she couldn't quite hide her own smile.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Edward?" I asked, confused. Esme and I were on our way back from hunting alone. "Why are you up a tree?"

Edward sighed. "We're playing vampire hide-n-seek," he said sarcastically.

"'Vampire hide-n-seek'," I echoed back incredulously.

"Emmett's idea. He used to play it with his brothers."

"Well, I think it's a lovely idea," Esme said happily.

"I can see you, Edward!" Emmett's loud voice boomed from nearby. "You're it!" he announced smugly. In one swift move Edward was out of the tree and on his feet next to me. Emmett and Rosalie came to stand with us as well.

"You really want to make the mind-reader 'it'?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Good point," Emmett conceded.

"Well, it's not my turn again," Rosalie huffed.

Emmett's eyes landed on Esme and me.

"Either Carlisle or Esme can be it," he announced in a 'there, I solved it' voice.

"Emmett, I'm not going to play-" I began to complain.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun," Esme interjected, looking at me hopefully.

"Fine," I conceded, unable to say no to her when she was looking at me like that. Esme leaned over, kissed my cheek, and went, "You're it!"

"Count to twenty!" Emmett shouted over his shoulder as my entire family ran away from me.

Suddenly alone in the middle of the forest, I began mentally counting to twenty, while simultaneously wondering how on Earth I had found myself involved in a game of 'vampire hide-n-seek'. Once I got to twenty I began following the trails left by my family members. My children's scents all disappeared by the river, which I had to admit was rather clever of them. Deciding I couldn't be bothered going in search of them alone, I chose to backtrack until I found my wife's trail. The scent was just becoming much stronger, when there was a ruffle of leaves above me. All of a sudden my wife fell out of a tree and landed in front of me, clutching her leg.

"Ow!" she exclaimed.

"Esme?" I asked, worried.

She smiled. "Doctor, please help me, I think I've broke my leg," she said playfully. Suddenly understanding her game, I played along.

"Let me have a look, Miss. Platt," I said, gently lifting up her skirt. "Nope, looks fine to me."

"Are you sure, Dr. Cullen?" she simpered, looking at me and then demurely away again. I picked up the limb in question, gently stroking the back of her calf.

"No, it definitely looks fine to me. More than fine, actually." My hand crept a little further up her leg, and Esme give a little moan. My fingers gently crept a little further up and Esme moaned once more.

"I can't take that any longer," she complained breathlessly. "Take me right now, Carlisle!"

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Together we found Edward wondering round the forest.

"Aren't you supposed to be hiding?" I asked.

"I got fed up of waiting and came to found you. What took you so long?" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Forget I asked."

All three of us continued looking for Emmett and Rosalie.

"They're in there," Edward finally said, pointing to a cave. Esme and I looked at each other before crouching down slightly and walking in. It was dark, but with our eyesight we could still see clearly. So we both saw it with ease when Rosalie and Emmett jumped apart.

"You finally found us," Emmett said. Rosalie had suddenly become very interested in the cave wall.

"Can we all get out of the cave, and then we can talk?" Esme suggested.

"That sounds ominous," Emmett joked, but we all did as she suggested.

Once we were outside. Everyone stood there awkwardly.

"Oh, for God's sake," Rosalie grumbled. "Yes, you caught us kissing. Just kissing for the record."

"Yes, Rosalie, that really made things less awkward," Edward said sarcastically. "Though at least _you _didn't fall out of a tree again." Both Esme and me glared at him.

Emmett laughed. "Who fell out a tree? Again? What sort of vampire regularly falls out of trees?"

"I only fell once," Esme huffed defensively. "And I wasn't a vampire back then."

"But he just said 'again'?" Emmett replied, pointing at Edward.

"I didn't fall. I purposely, well fell, but it was on purpose."

"I think the next question asks itself, Esme," Rosalie said mockingly.

Esme sighed, annoyed. "Can we move on, please?"

"When did you fall the first time?" Emmett asked. "And why were you re-acting it? Falling out of a tree isn't a good thing."

"That, Emmett, all depends on who your doctor is," Esme replied, wrapping her arm around my waist, I did the same and kissed her forehead.

"I get the feeling I don't what an explanation anymore, especially considering you have a twig in your hair, Mrs. Esme," Emmett announced. Esme start searching through her caramel curls, looking for said twig.

"Here, love," I said, pulling it out, as the others set off in the direction of home.

"I do not regularly fall out of trees," she huffed.

"I know. Even if you did, you wouldn't hear me complaining. Good things always seem to happen to me when you fall out of a tree." She relaxed her angry stance and smile, and I pulled her closer and kissed her.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I knew something bad had happened the second I arrived home from the hospital. A gloomy atmosphere hung over the house, so unlike it had been since Emmett joined us.

"Esme?" I called into the stiflingly quiet house. I knew my family was here, but they were being unusually quiet.

"I'm here," Esme said, walking into the hallway. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and took my coat and bag from me.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Emmett," was all she said as she hung my coat up. " We went hunting, and he got ahead of us, and by the time we got there it was too late." She didn't need to say anymore, I knew what she meant. Emmett had killed someone.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"In his room." Together, we walked up the stairs and into Emmett's room. He was sat on the edge of the bed. Rosalie was sat beside him, holding his hand, before we had entered she had been whispering to him. Edward was also there, staring out the window. Three pairs of eyes snapped to me as I entered the room.

"Emmett, son, what happened?" I asked gently.

"I killed someone, sir. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I said. He looked at me perplexed.

"You're not angry?"

"What? Of course not."

"I told you," Edward said from over by the window.

Suddenly, Emmett was smiling. "You're really not angry?"

I shook my head, "No." All four of us were looking at him in confusion, wondering why on Earth he was smiling.

"Emmett, you do understand what you've done, right?" I asked. I didn't want him to wallow in guilt for weeks or months at a time like Esme or Edward, but the lack of any sort of guilt was worrying.

His face became serious once more. "I know, Carlisle. I killed a man. A man who might have had a wife and family, and they no longer have a father because of me. And I'm truly sorry for that. But there's nothing I can do to change it, so why waste time being miserable and bringing you all down with me. The only thing I can do now is try and make sure it never happens again."

We all looked at him in amazement.

"Yes, I do have a clever side too," he joked.

"That's probably a good attitude to have," I told him.

"Thanks, Carlisle."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were all on our way back from hunting, when Emmett suddenly chuckled and Edward rolled his eyes.

"What?" Rosalie asked. She always hated Edward knowing anything she didn't. "Oh, boy, tell me, now!" she insisted angrily.

"I'll tell you," Emmett said and she turned her attention to him. "You know you get humans who refuse to eat meat, which I don't understand, but anyway. Vegetarians? I was just thinking you're kind of like the vampire versions. Except you do eat, well drink from, animals, but you refuse to kill humans, just like vegetarians refuse to kill animals. And vegetables are no way as tasty as meat, just like animal blood is no way as nice as human blood, yet you stick to your diet for moral reasons, just like vegetarian humans. So you're vegetarian vampires." He chuckled to himself again, and Rosalie giggled.

"I guess you do have a point," she said innocently. The look she gave him, however, was anything but innocent, and there was a second of awkwardness.

"Yes, I suppose you do," Esme said, purposefully cutting through the awkwardness.

"I'm still a little thirsty," Emmett announced. "I think I need to go hunt some more. Will you come with me, Rosalie?"

"Of course," Rosalie said quickly, and before the rest of us could say anything they should be gone.

"Do you think Rosalie will be OK hunting with him by herself?" I asked. I worried about what would happen if Emmett were to come across another human.

Edward snorted. "Emmett didn't want to hunt. He wanted some time with Rosalie without being chaperoned." He sighed. "No, Esme, they're not planning on doing that yet."

"Well, good," Esme said. "It's way too soon." She smiled then. "They're so happy together though. I haven't seen Rosalie this happy since … well, ever."

I wrapped my arm around my wife. "If he makes her just half as happy as you made me, she'll still be the happiest women in the world," I whispered in her ear.

Edward sighed melodramatically. "I'm going to go 'hunting' for the exact same reason - getting away from you two." He ran into the forest, in the opposite direction to Rosalie and Emmett.

"Poor Edward," Esme sighed. "It must be so hard for him, living with two couples now. I just wish he could be happy. Like you and me. Or Rosalie and Emmett."

"Me too, love, but what can we do?" She shook her head.

"I don't know."

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, before kissing her passionately.

"I love you too," she whispered back once our lips had finally parted. A wide grin spread across her face.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Just thinking. We've been married for over twelve years now. It's definitely not too soon for us."

"Definitely," I agreed.

* * *

**Many of you wanted a happier Cullen household and there you go. And everyone seems to love Emmett; I got a lot 'Yeah, Emmett!' reviews.**

**As many of you know, I'm British, so I have no idea what the rules of American football and baseball are. I hardly know the rules of our football.**

**I love reviews, hint hint. :)**


	64. Happier Daughter

1935

_Esme_

The car gave one last splutter and then died by the side of the road.

"Fuck!" Rosalie swore.

"Rosalie," I scolded. She rolled her eyes at me and got out of the car. She walked towards the front of the car and opened the bonnet. A hiss of smoke came out as she did so.

"One of us will need to run home and get Carlisle or Edward," I said.

Rosalie sighed. "I can do it myself, Esme." Shortly after our move to Tennessee, Rosalie had surprised us all by joining Carlisle and Edward in the garage and asking to look at the cars. It was not just that she was interested in cars that had surprised us, but that she was willingly spending time with Carlisle and Edward, which was a sign of how much she truly was interested. Carlisle had happily allowed her to intrude on his and Edward's time, willing to try anything if it might help to build a bridge between them. Edward had been much more begrudging in his acceptance. I stayed away, except to occasionally check in on them from the sidelines. As a general rule, I stayed away from car-related business. We had three cars and I didn't even know their models, they were 'Carlisle's car', 'Edward's car', and 'Rosalie's car'. I didn't even know how to drive, which had become a bit of problem since we came to Tennessee. Unlike with Belcourt or Rochester, we were not close enough to the local town for it to be believable for me to have walked there, so I couldn't run, meaning if I wanted to go anywhere I had to ask Edward, Carlisle, or Rosalie to drive me. It was a slight nuisance, but we had needed a secluded property as Rosalie had been a newborn, and now Emmett had joined us too we were unlikely to move anytime. It was a sacrifice I willingly made for my family.

"There should be some tools in the back of the car," Rosalie ordered me.

"Why do we keep tools in the back of the car?" I asked. Rosalie looked at me like I was stupid.

"In case it breaks down," she said mockingly. I picked up the toolbox of the floor of the backseat, and went back to stand next to her near the front of the car. "Pass me a wrench, please." I opened the toolbox and looked at the mixture of metal objects inside.

"Which one's that?" I asked. Rosalie sighed, and picked it out for herself. For half an hour she worked in silence, before finally standing back proudly. Her usually spotless clothes were covered in oil and grease, and she had a spot of oil on one porcelain cheek.

"You're really rubbish when it comes to cars, you know that, Esme?" she asked exasperatedly.

"What do you expect? I can't even drive," I replied jokingly.

"How come you've never learned?" she asked, closing the car bonnet.

I shrugged. "I've never really wanted to."

"But if you learned to drive, you could buy a car, and you wouldn't need to ask Carlisle, Edward, or me every time you want to go somewhere."

"I'm really not that bothered," I said.

"Let me test if the engine works," Rosalie said. She got into the car, turned the key, and the engine spring to life. "Perfect," she smiled satisfactorily. Then she surprised me, she climbed over into the passenger seat.

"Rosalie, what are you doing?" I asked incredulously.

"Teaching you how to drive," she replied, as if it should be obvious.

"Rosalie, I'm not sure that's a good idea," I stammered.

"Just get in the car, Esme." Nervously, I climbed into the driver's side of the car, looking at the steering wheel with disdain.

"The steering wheel's not going to bite you, Esme," Rosalie said with a laugh, she then went on to explain what all the different pedals and gears were. "You ready to try?" she finally asked. I nodded, unsure. I quite liked the idea of running home at this point. Hesitantly, I put my foot down on the pedal, and the car sprung forward.

Finally, and much to my relief, we arrived home. Never haD the journey home seemed so slow before, though the speed I was doing probably hadn't helped things.

"That was good, Esme," Rosalie said encouragingly. Carlisle came out the door and looked at me confused, no doubt wondering why I was in the driver's seat. Emmett came out just behind him.

Rosalie got out and collected her many bags of shopping from the back. Though it wasn't unusual for Rosalie to be particular about clothes, she had been paying extra concern to them since Emmett arrived. I had spent the majority of the afternoon being forced to admire her in the mirrors of nearly every shop you could find, while she differed over whether Emmett would like this dress or that one most. Emmett walked over to her and offered to take the bags from her, earning him a smile.

"You," Rosalie said as she walked past Carlisle. "You need to pay your wife a car." I got out of the car as well and my husband came and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"So, I need to buy you a car, do I?" he whispered in my ear. "What model would you like?" And then he was off, listening car models, but sounding more like he was speaking a foreign language.

I laughed softly. "I don't think you need to worry about that quite yet."

"Why not? Well, I suppose for now you can borrow mine if you want to go somewhere."

"Carlisle, just for the record," I began.

"Yes, love?"

"I despise driving."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I heard my bedroom door open.

"Esme, can I talk to you?" Rosalie's voice took me by surprise. I had been doing some sewing, whilst the others were down in the garage. It wasn't like Rosalie to leave her beloved cars, especially if Emmett was down there too.

"Of course, dear. Are you all finished in the garage?"

Rosalie shook her head. "No, the others are still down there. I just," she sighed, "I wanted a chance to talk to you, in private."

"What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"Emmett told me he loves me," she announced, but she didn't look happy about that fact.

"Why does that seem to upset you?" I asked carefully. Rosalie looked away from me, staring out the window at the rain.

"He shouldn't," she whispered, barely audible even to my hearing. She continued to stare out the window, not looking at me.

"I once thought that about Carlisle. When I first realized I loved him, I thought he could never love me back, that he deserved someone who wasn't broken and spoilt."

"If anything, he doesn't deserve you at all," Rosalie said harshly.

"Rosalie," I scolded gently. _Will she ever truly get over her aversion to Carlisle?_

"Sorry," she said quickly, though she didn't look or sound very apologetic. "So what did you do?" she asked.

"You have to understand Carlisle and I were a little different to Emmett and yourself. You and Emmett are already courting each other, at this point we weren't. Carlisle came home," I remembered Carlisle rushing into our living room back in Ashland, his face alight with relief once he saw me. I couldn't tell Rosalie Carlisle's private fears and secrets that he had told me in confidence. "And we started talking, and he told me about his human life, and his father, and his newborn years, and I knew I had to tell him the truth about my own human life. I had thought he would turn away in disgust, but then at least I would know we were impossible, instead of clinging to foolish daydreams. But, of course, he didn't. There I was, sobbing uncontrollably about being broken, and he took me into his arms and said he loved me. That was the first he'd said it, and then I kissed him, and that was our first kiss." I smiled happily at the memory. There had been thousand of kisses since then, and each one I treasured in its own unique way, but that first kiss would always be extra special in my memory, because it was the one where I truly knew for the first time that Carlisle loved me. That, despite what had happened to me, this man whom I had loved since I was sixteen, because he was kind, and gentle, and considerate, loved me back.

"Rosalie?" I called her name beseechingly, trying to force her to look up at me. Her eyes stayed glued to the rain-spattered window, where they had been all the time I was reminiscing. "Rosalie?" I called again, more forcefully. I stood up and moved to stand next to her. Finally, her head snapped round and her golden eyes met mine. So much pain was reflected in those eyes that I regretted what I had to say next, but I knew it had to be said. "You have to tell Emmett everything, Rosalie."

"And what if he does push me away? What if he sees me for the ruined piece of trash I am?"

"Rosalie, listen to me. You are not ruined, nor are you trash. And Emmett loves you, that much is clear to everyone," I said the words determinedly, looking directly into her eyes so as to drive my point across.

"I wouldn't even know how to start that conversation," Rosalie said sadly. She had returned to staring out the window. I don't think she was truly seeing the magnificent wilderness that was the view from my window; she was too caught up in her own mind.

"Rosalie, listen to me. Look at me again." Begrudgingly, she turned to face me. "What happened to you was _not_ your fault." I emphasized each word heavily. "Now, I'm going to go the garage and tell Carlisle and Edward I need them back up at the house, and you're going to go down there and tell Emmett you need to talk."

"Now?" she exclaimed.

"Better now than never." I knew I was forcing her into something she did not want to do, but I also knew it had to be done, and once it was over, Rosalie could truly began to enjoy her blossoming relationship with Emmett.

"I can't do this. Emmett thinks I'm a beautiful angel, what will he think once he finds out?" Her eyes bored into mine, wild and frightened.

"He'll still think you're a beautiful angel," I replied with conviction.

"A tainted whore more like," she scoffed miserably. "I'm broken. I'm ruined."

"And what about me? If you've broken and ruined, then so am I." Rosalie looked at me for a moment; I could see her steeling herself for the task ahead.

"Let's go do this," she announced grimly.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Carlisle, Edward, and I were playing rummy in the living room. Rosalie and Emmett were out in the garage. I hoped Rosalie would have the courage to tell Emmett about her past, though I had no doubt that Emmett would not turn her away because of it. I had seen the way he looked at her – there was no denying he loved her. We heard vampire footsteps in the distance, but we all kept pretending to play, as if we all didn't know the significance of what had just happened. I heard the back door open and close, and then Rosalie and Emmett walked into the room. Emmett's arm was around her waist, and she seemed … happy. I felt the relief wash over me. Rosalie deserved this. After what she had been through, she deserved to get her own happy ending, just like I had.

"You all know exactly what she just told me, don't you?" Emmett asked. We all nodded, waited for his reaction. _If Rosalie has told him everything, including Carlisle's true intentions behind changing her, how is going to react?_

The next thing I knew two strong arms were lifting me into the air, as Emmett hugged me, "Too. Strong," I managed to choke out.

"Emmett, can you put my wife down, please?" I heard Carlisle say and instantly my feet were on the ground again. I looked over at Rosalie, who was just watching on, smiling.

"Thank you," Emmett said to me, "and I'm sorry, for everything you went through, but thank you for being willing to help my Rose." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rosalie smile happily when he called her that.

Then he turned to Carlisle, and we all waited to see what he say or do. He also pulled Carlisle into a hug, giving him a couple of thumps on the back before releasing him. Carlisle just looked startled.

"What was that for?" he asked in shock.

Emmett just shrugged. "For being a good man," was all he said. I looked over at Rosalie, she was no longer smiling, but she did not look angry either. Emmett then turned to Edward. "And you, I'm not going to hug, because that would be weird."

"For Christ sake," Edward muttered angrily.

"Mate, I've not got a problem with it, it's your choice. I'm just not comfortable hugging you. And we should probably stop wrestling, as well."

Edward turned on Rosalie. "I can't believe you said that to him."

"Hey, don't shout her at. It's a pretty obvious conclusion anyway," Emmett told him. I looked at Carlisle, who looked just as confused as I felt.

"Um… Emmett, what are you talking about?" I asked.

"Haven't you told them?" Emmett asked Edward; before Edward could answer he spoke again. "I suppose not, or else Carlisle would never have changed Rosalie in the first place. Not that I'm complaining about that. But you really should tell them."

"Tell us what?" Carlisle asked, sounding every bit as curious as I felt.

"Emmett, you don't have a clue what you're talking about, so please, shut up," Edward said harshly.

"Tell us what?" I echoed my husband, my attention on Edward. Wondering what secret he had kept from us all these years, that Rosalie and Emmett seemed to know.

"Nothing, Esme. There's no secret." Edward was growing quickly more annoyed.

"Fine, mate. I'll tell them for you then." Emmett turned to face Carlisle and me. "Your son's queer," he told us. "See," he said turning back to Edward, "that wasn't so hard now, was it?" Edward gave Emmett one last glare, then without a word he stormed upstairs. "I was just trying to help," Emmett told us. Carlisle and I shared a confused glance.

_Could Edward really be queer? I suppose it would explain a lot – like his complete and utter rejection of first Tanya and then Rosalie._

"I'll go talk to him," I announced.

"I'll come with you," Carlisle said, and together we both went upstairs, stopping outside Edward's room. Carlisle knocked on the door. Inside, Edward sighed.

"You're not going to go away, even if I tell you to, so come in," he said bitterly.

He was stood by his record collection, angrily flicking betweens the records.

"Will you come speak with us a minute, son?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not queer, Carlisle," he said tiredly.

"Come sit with us," I said, leading him to his bed. I sat down on one side of him and Carlisle sit down on the other side.

"Now, Edward, I know that in the human world there is a lot of stigma attached to people like you-"

"There is no people like me, Carlisle," Edward snapped. Carlisle continued as if he had not been interrupted.

"But you should know no one in this household would ever judge you."

"Why didn't you just tell us?" I asked, placing one of my son's hands in both of my mine. "You should know by now you'll be our son no matter what."

"Because there was nothing-" Edward started again.

"You're lucky in a sense," Carlisle told him. "You have time to come to terms with what you are, many humans don't. Plus, vampire society is a lot more liberal in this sense, I've met a few same sex mates before and they seemed perfectly content."

"We know you can't help the way you are. It's not your fault, you have nothing to be ashamed of," I told him.

"We love you no matter what, son," Carlisle said softly. With an infuriated sigh, Edward stood up forcefully.

"Will you two listen to me for a moment," he snapped angrily. Both of us fell quiet, watching him pace his room at vampire speed. "I am not queer," he said. "Rosalie was just being her usual conceited self."

"Edward, don't talk about your sister like that," I scolded. "And it wasn't just Rosalie," I continued, remembering our Alaskan friend, Tanya, who Edward had also rejected.

Edward stopped his pacing and instead turned to glare at Carlisle. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the Alaskan sisters also once decide you was queer? So unless you and Esme need to go have a really interesting talk," he said with heavy sarcasm.

"Fair enough," Carlisle admitted.

"Sorry, Edward. It's just, we worry about you," I said, standing up and attempting to ruffle his hair. He ducked out of the way before shooting me an annoyed look. I looked over at Carlisle, and we both silently agreed it would be best if we left Edward alone for a while to cool off. "Don't forget we're your parents and we'll always love you," I told him before exiting the room. I followed Carlisle down the hallway to his office, where I found myself sat on his lap in his chair, as always. Beneath us, we heard the back door slamming shut as Edward left the house.

"Do you think he really is queer?" I finally asked.

"I don't know, love. After all, like he pointed out, in the two hundred and sixty years before I found you I was never attracted to another woman. I noticed women were nice to look at, but I was never attracted to any of them."

"But he doesn't seem to have any interest in women at all. Carlisle, do you think it's possible he was changed too young? That he's still a child where this is concerned?"

"Are you suggesting he's stuck as an asexual?" he asked doubtfully. "He was seventeen. That's not that young. You can get married at sixteen, after all. In my era, you could be married with a family by seventeen, particularly among the lower classes."

"You're right. But he once told me that as a human his mother kept bringing girls around and he wasn't interested in any of them. Maybe he was a late developer."

"Seventeen would be incredibly late, love. Maybe he's just going to be like me and have to wait centuries for the right person to come along."

"Maybe, but I hope not. It doesn't seem fair. We've got each other. Rosalie has Emmett now. Edward deserves someone. I do hope she – or he, though he did seem adamant about that so lets stick with she – shows up soon."

"Me too," Carlisle murmured. I snuggled my head into the crook of his neck and we just sat there, contended for the moment.

"I should go speak to Rosalie, anyway," I finally announced. I went to stand up but Carlisle's arms tightened around me.

"Don't I get a kiss first?" he joked. I smiled and gently pulled his head down to mine.

"I love you," I murmured, my lips merely half an inch from his.

"I love you too," he replied, before sealing his lips to mine. Once the kiss ended, I reluctantly stood up. I didn't really want to leave Carlisle, but I knew I had to go see my daughter. I left Carlisle's office, walked down the hallway, and knocked on my daughter's door.

"Yes, Esme?" she called. I walked into the room, closing the door behind me.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"He went to talk with Edward since he was acting so pissed," she replied.

"I never got to ask you how your talk went, though I'm assuming well." I gave a little sigh. "I got distracted by Emmett declaring Edward as queer. Before we talk, can you please explain to me what that was about."

"What's there to explain, Esme? Edward's a queer," Rosalie stated like it was obvious, she shrugged in a gesture that was clearly meant to say, "how can you not get that?"

"I really don't think Edward is queer, Rosalie," I said exasperatedly. "Whatever gave you and Emmett that idea in the first place?"

"He rejected me. What other explanation is there?" Again she spoke like she was pointing out the obvious. "Emmett even said no straight man would have rejected me when I was basically dished up on a plate for them." She couldn't quite hide her bitterness on the last few words.

"Emmett is a little bit bias," I said with a slight laugh. "And I've spent the better part of the last two years breaking up your arguments, isn't that explanation enough?" Rosalie didn't say anything in protest, but I knew she didn't agree with me.

After a short silence she said, "Maybe he is asexual like you and Carlisle suggested."

"Rosalie," I scolded. "That was a private conversation between my husband and myself. You shouldn't eavesdrop on us. You wouldn't like it if we listened in on you and Emmett."

"Sorry," she mumbled, again she didn't sound very apologetic. I decided to let the matter drop for now, moving on to the subject I had come here to talk to her about.

"So how did your talk with Emmett go?" I asked.

"I told him about my human life. About my family, and my friend, Vera, and her son, Henry. And I told him why I saved him. I saved him because he looked like Henry. Like the child I used to adore." She swallowed uncomfortably. "Then I told him about Royce, and that … that night. And then I waited, and he just looked at me, and said that Royce wasn't a proper man, because no real man would ever do that a woman, and that the only ones who had anything to be ashamed of were him and his friends. And then I told everything else. About killing the bastards. And about Carlisle and Edward. And about you, and how much you've helped me. I told him about your past as well, I hope you don't mind." I shook my head. "I think that's what the bear hug was for, by the way." We both smiled at the memory. "And the hug for Carlisle as well, I think that was because he loves you despite your past, just like Emmett loves me despite mine." Her face split into a wide smile. "That's what he said at the end of it all. He said my past doesn't matter, and he loves me, no matter what, and he'll be here to help me, as long I want him to be. And I told him I'd always want him, because I loved him too. That's the first time I've ever said that. I couldn't say it back earlier. I felt like I didn't deserve to be loved, and so I should try and push him away." She looked me directly in the eyes. "But I do deserve love," she said with conviction. "I deserve him, I realize that now. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be loved, and to love someone back. And I do. I love him." Her voice got more and more determined as she spoke, ending with a happy little flourish.

"I'm glad to see you so happy, dear," I told her. Ever since Carlisle had brought her home I had wanted to be able to help the seemingly angry, but in fact just scared young woman who chaotically entered our lives. Now, at last, she had found some joy. "You're right. You do deserve happiness."

"Thank you, Esme."

* * *

**For once I don't have much to say. Reviews are greatly appreciated. What did you make of this chapter?**


	65. Destroyed Furniture

1935

_Esme_

"How? What? How did you?" I stammered, at a loss for words as a surveyed the destruction around me. I turned to the two semi-naked, guilty looking vampires standing in my partially destroyed living room.

"Esme, please, stop asking those questions. The mental images are not appreciated," Edward said exasperatedly, not even bothering to attempt to hide his annoyance.

Emmett simply laughed, and even Rosalie couldn't suppress her smile.

"Why the living room?" I asked. "You both have bedrooms, with beds."

"We wanted to try something new," Emmett said unashamedly. It had been four months now since Rosalie had opened up to Emmett, and Emmett's comment made me wonder exactly how long since then they'd been getting intimate. I'd never been more surprised in my life then why I returned from town with Edward to find Rosalie and Emmett on top of my now legless coffee table, surrounded by destroyed furniture.

"Just… just clean it up, please, and put some clothes on first," I said exasperatedly.

"Sorry, Ma," Emmett said, and I felt my anger evaporate slightly.

"Yeah, sorry, Esme" Rosalie said. I looked over at my daughter - she seemed perfectly fine. I tried to imagine how I would have reacted if Carlisle and myself had done something like this back in the early days of our marriage. I would have been shocked to be quite honest. Of course, we had had our not so gentle moments over the years, but back in those early months of our marriage Carlisle had always been over cautious in his attempts to not hurt me.

I left them to it, and, picking up the shopping I had carried in from the car and then abandoned with shock, I headed upstairs. I had nearly finished hanging up by new purchases when I heard the sound of Carlisle's car pulling up, and then the back door opening and closing.

"Afternoon, everyone," Carlisle's voice ring through the house. There were a few moments of silence as I heard my husband perform his usual rituals that he always did once he had arrived back from work, and then he went into a living. "Oh my, did a bomb go off in here or something?"

"Well in my humble opinion, yes. But you'd have to ask Rosalie for a more accurate opinion," Emmett replied. I had to stifle my giggle at his reply, and I heard Rosalie titter downstairs. I heard my husband attempt to stammer an answer before finally giving up and coming upstairs.

"I don't even want to know, do I?" he asked, as he came into our room. He give me a quick kiss, and then began to take his tie off.

I shook my head. "Probably not. I'm a little worried though." I did not need to say why. "Perhaps we should speak to them."

"Perhaps," Carlisle agreed.

"No time like the present," I suggested.

Carlisle chuckled. "Let's go get this over with." Together we left our room. We ran into Edward in the hallway.

"Why don't you go hunting, son," Carlisle suggested.

"Happily," Edward said. He turned around and went back into his room, and we heard him jump out of his bedroom window.

"Rosalie. Emmett. Can we talk to you a minute?" Carlisle asked. They both looked up from where they were busy trying to fix the floorboards.

"Why don't you sat down," I trailed off, as I realized there was no furniture left to sit down on. "You're driving me to the furniture shop tomorrow, Rosalie," I ordered.

"You could just drive yourself," she began, but cut off as I glared at her. "Yes, Esme."

"Oh no," Emmett said jokingly. "Please tell me you two haven't come here to discuss the birds and bees with us. I've already had to sit through one talk with my pops, I don't fancy another."

"No, Emmett. I think it's safe to assume you two understand about the birds and the bees by now," Carlisle said, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. "We came to talk about discretion."

"And perhaps being a little less," I tried to think of the right word before giving up and simply gesturing to my destroyed living room, "with each other."

Rosalie's eyes were on me, and I think she understood why I was worried. "It's OK, Esme. I wasn't hurt, I enjoyed myself." A smile crept onto her lips, and I knew she was telling the truth.

"Well, that's good to hear," Emmett said with a laugh. "And as for discretion, you two aren't exactly discreet at times."

"Yes, but we're married, Emmett," Carlisle said exasperatedly. I saw a light of hope in Rosalie's eyes, though she quickly hid it. _She wants Emmett to propose. _I tried to look discreetly at Emmett, wondering if he'd noticed it too.

"So if we got married we could be as indiscreet as we wanted?" Emmett joked.

"There's not what I meant," Carlisle said with a sigh. I rolled my eyes.

"We're not going to get anywhere here, are we?" I asked. "Just try not to destroy anymore of my furniture."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was looking through the many books in my husband's office, trying in vain to find something to read that I hadn't read before and wasn't medical. Carlisle was sat at his desk looking through some paperwork, Edward and Rosalie were at school, and Emmett was listening to the radio downstairs. I heard the radio turn off, and then Emmett's footsteps were on the stairs, and coming towards Carlisle's office.

"Yes, Emmett?" Carlisle called once he arrived outside the door. He came in and looked at the pair of us, looking slightly nervous. _What's happened? It's very unlike Emmett to be nervous._

"I didn't mean to disturb you, sir. Or you, Mrs. Esme."

Carlisle gave Emmett an examining look. "You've reverted to call us 'sir' and 'Mrs. Esme', what's wrong, Emmett?"

"Nothing's wrong, si-, Carlisle. I just wanted to ask you something." Carlisle looked at him curiously.

"Ask away, Emmett."

"Well, sir, you know I love Rosalie with all my heart." _He's going to ask if he can propose to her!_ I had to resist the temptation to squeal out loud.

"Yes," Carlisle said sternly, and I knew he knew exactly what Emmett was trying to do. Playing along with Carlisle's act, I went and stood behind my husband, looking at Emmett strictly.

"Well, the thing is, sir, Carlisle," Carlisle sat watching patiently while Emmett stumbled over his words.

Emmett looked at him for a moment. "You know exactly what I'm trying to do and you're enjoying this, aren't you? Oh, screw it. I love your daughter and I want to ask her to marry me."

"Well, how can I say no?" Carlisle replied. Before we knew what had happened, Emmett had an arm around my shoulders, and the other around Carlisle's, squeezing us into a tight hug.

"Thanks, Pops. Thanks, Ma."

"Emmett, let us go," Carlisle insisted after a few seconds had passed. I felt the pressure around my neck lessen as Emmett instantly released us. I rubbed my neck and Carlisle did the same.

"Do you have a ring?" Carlisle asked.

"Um…"

"Come on, we'll go into town and buy one."

"I don't think my control will hold," Emmett told us. Over the last few months we had been teaching him self-control, using the same method that had been used on Edward, myself, and Rosalie.

"I'll come along too," I announced. "Then they'll be two of us to watch you, just in case."

Emmett looked down at his feet. "I don't have money, sir," he mumbled.

"There you go with the 'sir' again. Emmett, you're a part of this family now. Our money is your money."

"Oh no, I can't take your money off you, sir," he said quickly. "Carlisle," he corrected.

"Consider it a loan then," Carlisle said with a slight smile.

"Fair enough. But I am going to pay you back somehow. I promise."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Esme?" Rosalie shouted excitedly as she came running into my room, shoving the engagement ring Emmett had purchased under my nose.

"Congratulations," I said happily, pulling her into a hug before I could think better of it. Much to my surprise she didn't protest, but I let go again quickly.

"We have to go shopping," she gushed. "I've been thinking for my dress…" and then she was off, talking about fabric, and tiaras, and flowers.

"It's a good thing the father of the bride pays," I muttered without thinking. Rosalie stopped mid-flow and stared at me for a second.

Then she smiled with mock-sweetness. "I suppose since Carlisle seems so desperate to be my father he can pay." I knew she was saying she was more than willing to let Carlisle pay, not that she thought of him as her father.

"We can start our shopping tomorrow," Rosalie announced. I had to hold back a sigh, silently wondering if it was possible for vampires to be dragged round shops so much that they actually began to feel tired.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I moaned with delight as my husband lavished kisses down my neck, his hands tickling just underneath my breasts.

"I love you so much," I sighed, before his lips were on my mouth. I ran my hands across his shoulders. Then I heard a different moan, one that most certainly had not come from my husband or myself. Both of us froze, and I knew Carlisle was thinking the same as me, 'can we continue?' Just then I heard Rosalie breath Emmett name lustfully.

"Well, that's a mood killer," Carlisle remarked from above me with a sigh of frustration, before moving to my side. The noises from the room next door became louder.

I shook my head. "I can't listen to this." Dressing quickly, we fled our own home.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

Carlisle chuckled. "We could do as the kids do, and go to the garage." As we got nearer we heard clunking sounds, followed by Edward laughing from inside.

Carlisle pushed open the door. "Rosalie and Emmett," he said to Edward, though Edward had clearly already gathered that from our thoughts.

"Well, this is certainly a strange paradox," Edward mumbled, still laughing.

* * *

**Again I don't have much to say. (I know, it's shocking!) I love reviews :)**


	66. A Spectacle

1936

_Rosalie_

"You look beautiful, dear," Esme said fondly. I looked at the women in the mirror; there was no denying she was right. I was beautiful. My wedding dress was simple yet elegant. So much nicer than the elaborate one I had worn to kill Royce. _No, Rosalie, don't think of that today of all days._

"Carlisle should be up in a minute," Esme told me, then with a final hug she left. I threw the veil over my head, admiring myself in the mirror while simultaneously remembering Emmett's suggestion that I allowed Carlisle to walk me down the aisle. For appearance's sake, I, begrudgingly, claimed that Carlisle and Esme were my adopted parents, and Edward was my adopted brother. Though I had put my foot down when it had come to my name. I could be forced to pretend they were my family, but in my heart they were not, I was still a Hale. A part of me wanted to forgive Carlisle, for he had saved Emmett for me, but I still could not do it. The hatred had been a part of me for too long. I had gone to his office, following Emmett's gentle persuasions, to tell him I forgave him and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. What I had actually told him was "I need someone to walk me down the aisle, and since it's either you or Edward, I suppose you'll have to do."

There was a knock on the door. "Are you ready, Rosalie?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I replied. Carlisle came into the room. He smiled at me.

"I'm really happy for you, Rosalie," he told me. Annoyingly, I could tell he was being sincere. _Why does he have to make it so hard to continue to hate him?_

"Thanks," was all I said in reply. Carlisle offered me his arm. I took it, but I couldn't help but wish it were my real father whose arm I was holding. How I wished I could have met Emmett when we were both human, though of course that would have been near impossible. There had been seven hundred miles between us, and even if, by some freak chance, we had met the vain human I had once been would never have given him the time of day. There was no denying I loved him. I loved him because he was a shred of happiness in this life. _But would I have been happier to have stayed human and never met him? If I could somehow regain my humanity, would I be willing to leave him?_

I cleared my head, recognizing we where nearly at the nave of the Church, and not wanting to have those thoughts any more. In the room behind the large ornate doors I could hear dozens of heartbeats. I had insisted on a big audience. There were classmates from school and colleagues of Carlisle's. None of them were people I cared about, but I had still wanted an audience. I wanted them to see me in my splendour. I knew that perhaps I was being selfish, especially given that Emmett's control still wasn't the best. We'd had to practise him being round humans a lot in the intervening months between his proposal and now.

Carlisle opened the door, and we began our walk down the aisle. I saw Emmett in his tuxedo at the bottom, and for the first time since my transformation, for just one moment, I did not care that I was a vampire. It had brought me to Emmett. I felt Carlisle pass my hand to Emmett, but I was still dazed. Still unable to comprehend that I was truly getting married. I had thought it would never happen, not now, but here I was.

I said my vows in the same haze. I heard the words come out of my mouth, but it was like a different person was saying them. For I could never be this happy, I would never allow myself to be this happy. Not in this cursed second life on my mine.

It wasn't until we were in the car back to the house that I was shaken from my stupor.

"You OK?" Emmett asked.

I laughed. A sound I had never made until Emmett came into my new life. A happy sound. "I'm more than OK," I replied enthusiastically. "I'm shocked. I never thought I could get married, be this happy. Not in this … existence. You've changed my life for the better."

"My pleasure, darling," he quipped. I pulled up outside our home. I knew our guests were just behind us and it would be a long time till we had any time alone. I found myself wishing I had allowed the private, intimate wedding that Esme had suggested, in replace of the spectacle I had insisted on.

"I love you," I told Emmett, sneaking a kiss before everyone else arrived. I pulled away and Emmett moaned in protest. The rest of our family may have been resigned to our antics by now (and it was kind of funny to learn we had driven Carlisle and Esme out for a change), but we no doubt would have shocked the humans.

"Later," I promised.

Emmett rolled his eyes in protest. "And I love you too, by the way," he told me.

"Good to know," I replied.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The human chatter around us came to a stand still as Edward put the record on, and Emmett led me to the cleared up space in our living room that was to act as a dance floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr. and Mrs. McCarty," I heard Carlisle say.

"Mrs. McCarty," I murmured to myself without thinking, as Emmett began to lead me into a dance.

"You can stay as a Hale, if you'd prefer," Emmett said, I had told him the significance my human name held for me.

I sighed. "Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked.

"Of course not."

I searched for a different topic. "You're surprisingly good at dancing," I told him teasingly. He was by no means perfect, but he was a lot less clumsy than you might have expected for someone of his build. Plus, Emmett wasn't really the dancing type.

Emmett chuckled. "I've been practising for the last few months," he admitted. "You can thank Esme and her seemingly never ending patience. Carlisle may be the one with the patience of a saint, but his wife comes in a close second."

I laughed gently. "What would we ever do without Esme?"

"Kill Carlisle and Edward?" Emmett suggested jokingly.

"Now there's a tempting idea," I muttered. I heard two half-hearted protests, just quiet enough that the humans wouldn't hear them.

"And Esme once lectured me on listening into private conversations between husband and wife," I muttered angrily, but only in jest. In fact, I was secretly thrilled just to have a reason to refer to us as husband and wife. It sounded so delicious on my tongue.

We were halfway through the next dance, when Emmett stopped.

"I need to go out for a moment," he said, rubbing his throat. I looked guiltily at all the humans around us. There they were, dancing, socializing, eating, and drinking, completely oblivious to the fact that my vanity meant they were now dangerously close to a vampire only just out of his newborn year.

Feeling guilty, I told him I'd come with him.

"Oh no, you dance," he told me. "Perhaps now would be a good time to make amends with either your father or your brother." Emmett was on a mission to help me improve my relationship with both Carlisle and Edward, though it was a doomed mission. I knew in theory his advice about forgiveness made sense. But in practise I simply couldn't do it. I had tried with Carlisle, but it couldn't be done. Not yet. I looked over at where he was dancing with Esme, both of them looked happy. Content to be in the others arms. I had been jealous of them for that since the moment I had woken up, even if I had seen it as a ray of light, of proof that love was possible for vampires.

_I wouldn't want to disturb them. _The excuse I would tell Emmett now firm in my mind, I turned to leave the makeshift dance floor.

"Don't I get a dance with the bride?" Edward asked from behind me. I turned around eyeing him cautiously. Without a word, he held my arms and began to lead me.

"What is this?" I asked suspiciously. Edward had been even colder towards me since the 'queer' incident. He had forgiven Emmett easily enough, but, of course, I was different case. Things would never be easy between us; there was too much bad blood between us.

"That's a really bad phrase to use, all things considered," Edward remarked. I rolled my eyes in annoyance, and stopped dancing.

"I've been considering a truce," Edward explained, leading me into the dance again. Reluctantly, my legs followed.

"A truce?"

"I don't wish to spend all of eternity fighting with you. You are my," Edward paused uncomfortably, "my sister, after all."

"Just your sister," I said, trying not to sound too bitter. I had never wanted Edward to be anything more, but still the rejection irked me. Like an itch that wouldn't go away no matter how many times you scratched it.

"Or the burn in our throats, we can drink all we like, but it never truly goes away," Edward remarked darkly.

"Do you have to be so morbid all the time?" I asked. Edward quirked an eyebrow at me in an obvious accusation.

"Maybe if I someday found someone like you have, I'll stop," he remarked. "That's given that you're all wrong, and I'm not queer or asexual."

"Maybe," I agreed. "I know I never apologized for that."

"That's because you're not sorry. And you still believe it."

"What happened to the truce?" I asked.

He laughed. "Maybe I was being over ambitious. Esme wants to talk to you." He let go and walked off without another word, leaving me wishing yet again that I could slap him, just the once.

"Where's Emmett?" Esme asked me as she came to stand next to me. We began walking off the makeshift dance floor. We walked past Carlisle, who seemed to have become embroiled in conservation with some of his colleagues, and Edward, who was reluctantly talking to one of the girls from school, and, if I had to guess, eagerly searching for a why out of the conversation. _And he wonders why we thought…_ I stopped the thought there, deciding that maybe if I tried to stick to the idea of a truce, so would he. I guessed Emmett was still outside.

"He went outside," I told her. She looked confused, so I gestured to the human guests. "I wanted them all to know that even though they've got the one thing I desire most, I was still happy. I wanted them to feel jealous of me for a change." Esme was the only person I would have admitted any of this to. "But all I've done is make Emmett suffer on our wedding day due to my selfishness."

"It's not selfish to want people to attend your wedding-" she began.

"Perhaps if you care about the people. But the only person I care about here is Emmett" Esme looked hurt by my words, though she tried her best to hide it. I realized the implications of what I'd just said. "That came out wrong. I owe you so much. Thank you, Esme." I hugged her.

"You're welcome, dear. It was my pleasure. I'm glad you've finally found your own happy ending. Now go be with your husband,"

"First things first," I muttered. I grabbed hold of one of the chairs and began dragging it to the middle of the room.

"Rosalie, careful. That's an antique," I heard Esme say. I stopped near enough to the middle and stood on the chair, ignoring Esme's wince.

I cleared my throat. "I'd like to thank you all for coming here today. However, I'll have to bid you goodbye. Please exit through the front door," Emmett would still be out back, "and have a safe drive home." I gave a fake smile, as the humans looked at each other and began whispering. I had wanted a spectacle and now I sure had got one. I saw Carlisle and Esme share a confused look as well, though Edward -in a shocking twist of events- was smiling at me.

Slowly, the humans began to exit the room, many muttering darkly about how 'disgraceful' and 'unappreciative' my behaviour was.

"He'll have his hands full with that one, poor man," I heard a woman mutter. I glared at her and she hurried quickly out of the house. I left the others to herd the remaining humans out the door, and went to find Emmett.

"You OK?" I asked him as I approached. He smiled at me.

"I was wondering when you'd come find me. Thought maybe I'd have a runaway bride on my hands," he replied in his usual cheery manner. It was always such a refreshing change. "What's happening in there anyway?"

"I may have stood on a chair and told all the humans to get the Hell out, though not in that many words."

He laughed. "That I would have liked to see."

I sighed. "I'm sorry I made you go through so much pain on our wedding day."

"Do you hear me complaining? I'd go through any amount of pain to marry you. I love you, Rosalie McCarty Hale. You see what I did there?" I laughed briefly before pulling his lips to mine. The kiss was passionate and fiery, and I have no doubt if we'd been allowed to get there I would have had him right there in the middle of our backyard. As it was though we were interrupted by the sound of three people clearing their throats. I felt Emmett's reluctance as he pulled away. Then he smirked over at Carlisle.

"Hey, we're married now, we can be as indiscreet as we want," he said to him. Carlisle and Esme just smiled, while Edward rolled his eyes, not the reaction I was expecting.

"It's time for your wedding present," Esme announced happily. "Follow me!" We followed her through the forest until we came to a small clearing, which had a house in the middle. Esme turned to us and pulled a key out of her pocket, offering it to us.

"You can be as indiscreet as you want in there," she said with a smile. "Well, we'll leave you alone. Congratulations, dears." She gave us both a hug. Carlisle shook Emmett's hand, and then turned to me.

"Congratulations, Rosalie," he said.

"Thank you," I said stiffly. Edward finished shaking Emmett's hand.

"Well, we'll be going now," Esme announced before an uncomfortable silence could settle, and the three of them disappeared into the forest. Emmett grinned at me saucily.

"Shall we go check our new house out?" he asked, swinging me into his arms so I was in bridal hold. Our lips sealed together and I found myself wondering exactly how long the lovely house Esme had built for us would last.

If he keeps this us I don't think it'll make it through the night!

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

After two weeks of alone time, we'd been forced to admit our honeymoon was over, and we at least had to go back to the main house to see everyone for an afternoon, though neither of us was keen to do so. To start with, I really didn't want to face Esme in case she asked any questions about our house. _The house we're currently in the process of re-building. Perhaps we should have taken better care, but destroying it was too much fun._

"Could you two please stop doing that?" Edward said exasperatedly. _And here's reason number one not to return home. Will you stop whining? _Unable to help myself, I remembered a few steamier moments from my honeymoon. _That bathtub was nice; we need to buy a replacement so we can do that again._

Just then, Esme walked into the room. "Oh, you're back. It's been awhile," she said with a knowing smile. "How was your honeymoon?" I allowed myself to re-cap yet again some of the finer moments.

"You just had to ask," Edward said sarcastically.

_Oh will you shut up already! Just because some of us are actually happy. The more you whine, the more I'm going to purposefully think about it._

"How's your house?" Esme asked.

"Lovely. Thanks, Ma," Emmett replied, but I knew he was feeling slightly guilty like me. It hadn't seemed to matter when I was in my happy bubble, but now I was actually faced with Esme I realized how much hard work she must have put into building it for us. There was no way we could let her find out.

"Great. Thanks, Esme," I said.

"Esme," Edward said sweetly, though he had that smirk on his face that always made me want to slap him. "Rosalie and Emmett wanted me to tell you that they've already destroyed the majority of their house." Esme whipped round to face us, and I knew my face most have been a guilty mask. Her hands were on her hips and she was giving us a very un-Esme-like glare.

"Oh, come on, Ma. Aren't you glad we enjoyed our honeymoon?" Emmett asked jokingly. Her face and posture softened, and she laughed gently.

"Yes, I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves, dears. But can't you do so without destroying my houses? I guess I better go survey the damage." As soon as she had left, both Emmett and I turned on Edward.

"Seriously?" Emmett asked. "You went squealing to Mommy? How old are you again, Master Edward?"

"About five?" I answered for him.

"I warned you to stop it," Edward snapped. "But you had to keep going, didn't you?"

"Just because some of us are finally happy. It's not my problem that you're queer, or asexual, or whatever the Hell you are. No need to fuck us over just because we've found love and you never will." I knew I was being harsh and I didn't care. _After all the things he'd said and done to me, why should I?_

"Rose," Emmett said cautiously. "She didn't mean it, pal."

"No, Emmett, she meant every word," Edward said briskly, and then he turned on his heel and was out the door.

"That was a bit harsh, babe," Emmett told me.

"I know," I admitted. "But he just pisses me off so much. So much for truces."

"Well, you can always apologize later. But for now he's gone." Emmett pulled me close against him and dropped his voice, "and there's just the two of us in this big, empty house.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was pulled from my bliss bubble by the sound of the door opening. My head snapped up from Emmett's chest to find Esme in the doorway, staring at us in shock. Her mouth had fallen open in surprise.

"You're supposed to knock or something before you come into someone else's room," I snapped.

"Actually, Rosalie, this is my room," Esme replied tartly. Her eyes were fixed determinedly on a spot ahead of her instead of us. "And will you two please put some clothes on so I can actually talk to you." Looking around, I noted we really were in Carlisle and Esme's room. _How did we get here? _Then I remembered my clothes – or more like the remnants of my clothes – were downstairs.

"Um," I said, unsure what to do. I heard Emmett make the same not useful sounds.

Esme sighed. "Here," she said, walking up to her wardrobe and throwing Emmett a pair of Carlisle's trousers and one of his shirts. She threw me a chemise and a dress. I put it on with distaste. I had tried my best to modernise Esme's fashion sense, but she still owned some dresses like this one, which reflected that she was brought up straight out of the Victorian era. I looked over at Emmett, who, being both taller and broader than Carlisle, looked comically squeezed into his clothes.

"How did we get here?" Emmett asked what I was thinking. Esme, with silent fury, pointed to the large hole in that wall that connected my room to hers. I suddenly recalled that there had been a rather large smashing sound.

"Sorry, Esme," I said. Neither of us had been paying much attention to where we were, or what we smashed, we had been too caught up in each other.

"Is there actually a room in my house you two haven't destroyed?" Esme asked as she pinned us with her best motherly glare.

"I don't think we made it into the office or Eddie's room," Emmett answered seriously.

"So not only do I have to rebuild your new house, I have six rooms of furniture to replace, and several walls to rebuild?"

"Um," was my, and Emmett's, oh-so-useful reply again.

"I was only gone half a day," she continued exasperatedly.

"Wait a minute," Emmett said, he looked like he was concentrating. "Why do I remember us being on three different beds? Oh dear God, we didn't!" All of our eyes drifted to the bed in the room. The sheets were clearly crumpled. "Please tell me you change your sheets regularly," Emmett said, sounding slightly disgusted, which was quite a feat for Emmett. Not that I could blame him, I couldn't help but feel the same. To think we'd done it in the same place that Carlisle and Esme … I had to suppress a shudder.

"Well I'm certainly changing them tonight," Esme muttered in response. "Can you please attempt to salvage something from up here, while I go and attempt to sort out downstairs?" She disappeared out of the room, still muttering to herself.

"She certainly has the angry mother thing down to perfection," Emmett commented.

"I don't hear any sorting go on up there," Esme shouted from downstairs, before resuming her muttering. She still hadn't stopped by the time we heard Carlisle's car pull up a while later. We heard Esme flit outside to greet her husband.

"Hello, darling," Carlisle said, followed by, "What's wrong?"

"Carlisle, do you think you could phone your realtor?" Esme asked.

"We're moving?"

"Go look inside the house." We heard the door open and close. Shortly afterwards, there was footsteps on the stairs.

"Quick, look busy," Emmett joked. Carlisle looked at us with a mixture of shock and disdain. Esme followed behind him, still looking uncharacteristically annoyed. I realized how stupid this scene most look. Me, in Esme's Victorian-style dress, and Emmett, squeezed into Carlisle's clothes, on our hands and knees surrounded by rumble. A part of me, the part I knew could be called vain at times, was irked at being seen in such a foolish position, especially by a man I was supposed to hate. But a different part of me, a part I hadn't even known had still existed anymore until Emmett arrived in my life, simply didn't care. I loved my husband, and I wanted to make love to him to him whenever and wherever I wanted, and screw who knows and what they think, for who cares?

Carlisle's eyes flickered over Emmett and me, his destroyed bedroom, and then to his still clearly fuming wife.

"So, where would everyone like to move?" he asked into the silence.

**Poor Esme, as happy as seeing Rosalie happy makes her, I think she's going to reach a point where enough is enough.**

**Since a lot of people are asking, there are two more chapters before Alice and Jasper arrive. Next chapter we get them in Hoquiam and the signing of the treaty, and then there's a silly Emmett chapter that popped into my mind and insisted on being written (much like the God and his angels chapter.)**


	67. Treaty

1936

_Carlisle_

As we hunted I thought about our recent move to Hoquiam, Washington. Esme had redecorated two houses, giving one to Rosalie and Emmett, and telling them that if they smashed it, it was there problem for she would not be rebuilding it. Also that they were not allowed to do anything in our house, even if that meant she had to ban them from even simply touching one and other while they were over. Since she said all this with her best 'angry mother' face on, they had both agreed. And while I couldn't speak for their house, our new home was stilling standing.

I dropped the deer carcass as a sickening smell washed over me. I had only ever smelled it once before, but it was a meeting that particularly stuck in my memory. _Werewolves. _It had been three decades into my stay in the New World when I had first come across their kind. They were not the Children of the Moon, so despised by the Volturi, but something different entirely. I had been working as a doctor in the area that would come to be known as Washington State. The young daughter of the local Native tribe had been brought to me, but her father had recognized me for what I was. She had been his only daughter, and he was desperate for her to be saved. But still he refused her treatment from me, no matter how much I tried to persuade him I would do no harm. He had been angry and furious, at one point he had shaking in anger – a later learned that he had been about to transform into a wolf. It was not until I pointed out that there was no other doctors in the areas, so if he did not let me attempt to treat his daughter she would die anyway. Eventually, his concern for his beloved daughter won out. We had spoke while we had both stood by her bedside, a bizarre understanding between mortal enemies, and he had told me what he was, and what he could to me. Afterwards, despite it all, he had still insisted that, animal-feeder or not, I moved out of the area.

Three giant wolves came out of the tree, their teeth bared in our direction. I heard Esme gasp. They arranged themselves into a triangle formation.

"Here, doggie, doggie," Emmett taunted. All three pairs of canine eyes turned to stare at him, a menacing stare.

"Emmett, be quiet," I ordered harshly. I didn't usually give orders like that, but if Emmett didn't watch his mouth he would get himself killed.

"Why, Carlisle? It's just a smelly overgrown wolf."

"No, Emmett, it's not."

"They're werewolves," Edward explained for me, his eyes still on the pack. I wondered what he could hear in their minds.

"Werewolves?" Emmett asked incredulously. Ignoring him, I took a careful step forward. Esme's hand shot out and grabbed mine, not allowing me to go any further. I give her hand a comforting squeeze. She may not have known what they were, but she could instinctually tell they were dangerous.

"We mean no harm to you, your families, or your tribe," I told them. "We are not like others of our kind." I gestured to the spent animal carcasses on the ground.

The largest wolf, the one at the spear point of their triangle, took a step forward. His eyes narrowed, scanning me. Esme squeezed my hand tighter.

The wolf to the right suddenly growled at Emmett. Rosalie growled back, ready to spring. Emmett simply laughed.

"Who's a scary little puppy then?" he continued his taunting. The wolf appeared on the verge of attacking, and so did Rosalie.

"Rosalie, no!" I ordered. She turned to me.

"Why not?" she said haughtily. "It's just a wolf, it wouldn't be the first time we've killed wolves."

"It, _he_ is not just a wolf. He is a werewolf, and he can transform back into a man. A man who could have a wife and family at home. And if you are imagining this would be an easy fight, you are wrong. If you attack it could lead to fight that might cause us to lose one of our own family."

The black wolf on the right growled again, still staring down Emmett. The brown one, who had stepped towards me, looked at him and growled what sounded like a warning. The black wolf fell silent, taking a step backwards and falling back into formation.

"Yes," Edward said, "we are a family."

"We are," Esme spoke up for the first time. "I'm not sure what you are, but I'm asking you not to harm my husband or children."

"They don't want to risk having us on their lands, no matter how different we are," Edward whispered to me.

"Perhaps, we could come to an agreement of sorts," I suggested. The brown wolf looked hopefully, the black wolf looked disbelieving, and the third wolf look intrigued.

"The leader wishes to speak to you alone, Carlisle. Once we are gone, he will transform back into a man," Edward said. Esme's grip on my hand tightened.

"It'll be OK, love," I whispered in her ear. "Take the children home, please." She gave me a disbelieving look.

"If you think for one minute I'm going to leave you here with-" Her words were cut off by a sharp bark. We both turned to look at the brown wolf. His eyes travelled to Esme, and he gave what could be construed as a nod.

"Thank you," she said to him, before I had a chance to protest. She turned to the others. "You three leave, we'll see you at home."

All three looked at her in disbelief before leaving the clearing. The brown wolf waited a few seconds, before disappearing into the trees. The two remaining wolves kept their eyes firmly on us, everything about that their stance was a clear warning. A minute later, a Native man walked out of the tree the wolf had disappeared into. He wore nothing more than a pair of raggedy trousers.

"Is that," Esme murmured in surprise.

"I am Ephraim Black, chief of the Quileute tribe. This is Quil Ateara." He pointed to the wolf on the left, "And Levi Uley." He pointed to the black wolf that had nearly got into a fight with Rosalie and Emmett.

Ephraim stopped a good distance away from us, both wolves moved to stand at his side.

"I am Carlisle Cullen, and this is my wife, Esme."

"What are you doing here?"

"We have just moved into the area. We live among the humans, pretending to be them. I work as a doctor at the local hospital, and my children attend the local high school."

"A doctor?" he questioned. "There is a legend, that many years ago, there was a vampire here who posed as a doctor, and treated the chief's daughter, saving her life."

"She lived?" I questioned, unbelievably. I had done my best for her, but the disease that had riddled her body had been so strong I had told the chief I could do no more for her and that all either of us could do was hope. Ephraim scrutinized me.

"Are you the same doctor?" he asked. I nodded. "Yes, she lived. She is the common ancestor of many of our tribe." He seemed almost on the verge of saying something else, when he stopped himself. "You spoke of an agreement."

"I was thinking a treaty of sorts."

"Our job is to protect human life from the sorts of you. But you claim to be different. I have chosen to believe that claim, please don't defile my trust. It will be the last thing you do. The only way I treaty could be made between our two," his eyes flickered over to Esme, "_families_, is if you promise that none of your family will ever harm a human. That they will never kill anyone," he paused for a moment, "or bite anyone." I knew the extra clause was to stop us from transforming anyone, but I would not argue. I had no desire to change anyone else. Emmett would be the last.

"Of course," I agreed. "In return, you have to understand that our lives revolve around being able to blend in and live among humans. You can never tell them what we truly are. It must remain a secret."

"Agreed," he finally said. "And you are never to come near the village," he added.

"Perhaps we should have a borderline of some sort," I suggested. Ephraim thought for a moment.

"Follow me," he announced, and began walking through the forest. The two wolves placed themselves either side of us, watching us distrustfully. The smell became even more nauseating. Every instinct was telling me to protest to their closeness. I heard Esme whimper uncomfortably.

"It'll be fine, dear," I said gently, squeezing her hand in encouragement. Her only response was to tighten her grip. The two wolves watched our exchange with unreadable expressions on their canine faces.

"Here we are," Ephraim finally announced. We were stood on the edge of a great ravine. "This river can be our borderline." He turned to look at us sternly. "Do we have an agreement, Carlisle Cullen?"

"We do," I agreed, automatically holding out my hand for him to shake. He took it gingerly, and the warmth of his hand shocked me. We shook, and I felt him attempt to disguise a shiver of disgust, and I let go quickly.

"I never want to see you, or any of your family, on this side of the river again. Understood?" he asked gravely.

"We understand." I turned to leave, but Esme turned to address him, keeping her grip on my hand tight.

"Thank you," she said. "For helping to keep my family safe." Ephraim looked at her in confusion, and she turned away. "Jump?" she said to me.

"Jump," I agreed. In one quick movement we were over the ravine. I turned back just in time to see the man become a wolf once more. The wolves stared at us from the other side, and I knew they would not leave till we had.

"Let's go home," I said to my wife.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"So how'd it go with the wolf, men, things," Emmett asked as we walked into our home.

"Werewolves, Emmett," Edward said tiredly.

"Yeah, them things."

"Oh, you two need to take a bath! Or a dozen. That stinks," Rosalie exclaimed.

"Family meeting," I announced, deciding we needed to make this announcement in a more controlled environment. Everyone went into the dining room and took their place at our dining table. I sat at the head with Esme and Edward to my left, and Rosalie and Emmett to my right.

"We have made a treaty with the Quileute wolves," I told them. "None of us are to harm a human-"

"We don't do that anyway," Emmett interjected. I continued as if he hadn't interrupted.

"And we are to stay of our their lands. There is a river which flows through this land, we are to remain on our side at all times. I expect each and every member of our family to abide by this treaty." Four suddenly solemn faces nodded in agreement.

"What I don't understand is why they didn't just attack us?" Emmett asked. I turned to Edward, the only one of us with the insight to answer that question.

"They noticed the animal corpses first. But it was your references to us as a family that finally made them stop. They all have families at home, and wives. The fact that there was two couples did not go unnoticed either." An uncomfortable silence fell.

"We should show you were the river is," I said into the silence.

"I'll do it," Edward said resignedly. Quite peculiarly, Esme smiled when he said that, and then Edward rolled his eyes, looking uncomfortable. The three of them stood up and left.

"What was the mental conversation about?" I asked Esme, as we stood up. She looked abashed, and I'm sure if she could have, she would have been blushing.

"Less of a conversation, more me not having very good control over my thoughts."

"And what were you thinking about?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"The possibilities that arose from Rosalie's bath idea."

"Possibilities?" I asked, as if I hadn't already realized what she meant.

"Possibilities," she echoed. "Which are much nicer when we share the bath," she said with mock-seriousness. Then she threaded her hands into my hair as she began to kiss me, and I used my hands at her waist to pull her closer.

"Much nicer," I agreed.

* * *

**Argh, this chapter did not want to be written. Damn writer's block!**

**I'd love a review :)**


	68. Too Funny

**Updated 26/03/11**

* * *

1938

_Emmett_

_I should have been horrified, not amused. But as I left the house, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. As I ran through the forest, I still couldn't stop the chuckles from escaping._

It was all Edward's fault anyway. If he hadn't fouled Rosalie, then I never would have been sent on a re-con mission to ask Carlisle and Esme's opinion, the only way to stop the ensuring argument between him and my wife. The fact that I actually had to go trudging back to our house five miles away to ask the opinion of two people who hadn't even witnessed the so-called foul was proof of how lowly Rosalie and Edward still thought of each other.

Every time it looked like they had finally made their peace another argument would erupt. It didn't seem to matter how I tried to persuade Rose that Eddie was a good kid overall, she couldn't outgrow over her initial hatred of him.

She was, however, finally making diminutive steps towards improving her relationship with Carlisle. She admitted to me that it had been becoming harder for her to hate him ever since he changed me for her.

But she was still unable to do the same with Edward. I knew it was the mind-reading they really got under her skin. I had to admit it could be annoying sometimes, but I knew he couldn't prevent it – that sometimes he certainly wished he could (and yes, Rose and I were mainly the reason behind those times.) But I was not embarrassed by what he heard in there. Edward once told me that I say out loud nearly everything I think. My Rose, on the other hand, liked her thoughts and feelings to be kept private, even now it could still be difficult for me to coax the truth out of her. so having to live with a mind-reader was her worst nightmare. Though we were still currently living separate from the rest of the family, we visited often. And while there was no denying the pros of living alone, it was still nice to see the others sometimes.

Except when Rosalie and Edward were arguing, obviously. Like today.

My mind was firmly back at the baseball clearing with Rosalie as I entered the house. Perhaps I should have been paying more attention to the house around me as raced through it, particularly the noises coming from upstairs.

The thunder hadn't help either.

"Carlisle. Esme," I had shouted as I walked into their room. The door crashed against the wall as I had opened it with too much force as usual. The large banging noise had mingled with Esme's high-pitched shriek. I've never seen Carlisle move as fast as he did then, removing himself from on top of her and throwing himself under the blanket. Esme had pulled the blanket over herself completely so that I couldn't even see her face. I had quick chuckled quietly at the strange scene before me, -Carlisle's sheepish expression and Esme's completely hidden body just a lump under the blanket- and my parent's obvious embarrassment. And that would have been it. I would have left and only got a slight chuckle out of the whole incident. Except that as I turned to leave a slither of lilac in the corner of my eye had caught my attention. Unable to resist my curiosity, I had turned to look at it more closer, only to realize it was Esme's bra, which was hanging from a chandelier.

The laughter had overtaken me then as I leaning against their wall, laughing away to myself. Carlisle had attempted to look at me sternly, but it is impossible to be stern when you're naked and just been walked in doing the deed. In fact, his expression only made things funnier, especially after I had pointed to his wife's undergarment and asked how that had got up there. I had thought that there couldn't possible have been anything funnier than his face at that moment, as he tried to look annoyed, yet couldn't quite hide his smile.

However, I was proved wrong ten seconds later.

I had just managed to sober up enough to turn to leave, when Esme had shouted, from underneath the blanket, "Emmett! This isn't funny! Now leave!" in her best stern motherly tone. The one that would usually have had me behaving in a second, no arguments and no messing around. However, it's hard to take a scolding seriously when it's being given by a lump under a blanket. In fact, it's just downright funny. And so I was off again, leaning against their wall and laughing, when really I should have fled in horror a few minutes previously.

Carlisle had finally managed to compose his face into his stern, fatherly look he only pulled out when he was really annoyed – one I had only managed to see once before but Edward reassured me had been turned on him a few times as well - and I had taken that as meaning it was time for my long overdue departure, still chuckling as I went.

As I remembered it all over again, I began laughing some more. I couldn't help it. It was just too funny.

"So is it a foul or not?" Rosalie asked impatiently as I re-entered the clearing.

"Dunno," I said with a shrug. "I didn't get a chance to ask." From the other side of our makeshift pitch, Edward groaned.

"Well, what did you ask them then?" Rosalie snapped, clearly annoyed by my lack of an answer.

"How Ma's bra ended up on a chandelier," I answered truthfully, and the chuckles started in again. Rosalie laughed as well, and even Edward joined in as I pictured Carlisle's horrified yet sheepishly proud expression.

And for a minute, the three of us: myself, my wife, and my little brother, just stood on our makeshift baseball pitch in the rain, the sound of our amusement mingling in with the noise of the thunderstorm as we had a good laugh at our parents' expense, all amenity forgotten.

_God, I love my family._

**Incredibly short, but Emmett insisted I write it. The next chapter is Alice and Jasper's arrival!**

**Reviews are appreciated as always :)**


	69. Alice & Jasper

1950

_Carlisle_

We all looked up, confused, as we heard the sound of a car in the distance. We waited for the scent of humans and the sound of their heartbeats. _Why would there be a human coming to visit us?_ I saw the same thought reflected in my wife and daughter's eyes. As it came closer the recognizable scent of two others of our kind drifted in. We all froze. _Why would other vampires come visit us? And why are they driving a car? _I had never known another of my kind who partook in human activities like driving, outside my family.

The car stopped outside our house.

"It'll be OK, trust me," we heard a female voice say chirpily.

"I'm still not certain about this," a male voice replied, sounding worried. The female giggled. I shared a look with my wife. _What is going on?_

There was the sound of footsteps, and then someone knocked on the door. After exchanging one last confused look with Esme, I stood up and walked to the door, Esme and Rosalie right behind me. I opened the door and found two vampires on my doorsteps. The first thing that drew my attention were the scars that littered the skin of the male.

Before I could say anything the female squealed and flung herself at Esme. I moved instinctively, but the male reacted quicker, pulling the female of my wife, and placing himself between her and myself.

The female gave a 'tut' sound. "Don't be silly, Jasper. That's Carlisle. _Carlisle's _not going to hurt me." The male eyed me suspiciously, but what worried me more was that the female not only knew my name, but also spoke as if she knew me, when I most definitely had never meet her. The female stepped around the male, and I saw her properly for the first time. She was a tiny little thing, but the things that I instantly noticed were her golden eyes. _They are like us. _I looked at the male's eyes, which were a strange orange color I hadn't noticed earlier as my attention was focused on his numerous scars. Obviously he was attempting to live by our diet, even if he was not always succeeding.

"Hi! I'm Alice, this is Jasper and we've come to join you," the female said in a rush. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to say those words."

"Well, um, come in then," I replied in confusion. The three of us stepped aside to let them through the door. Alice skipped across the room and sat down on one of the sofa, while Jasper walked in cautiously, looking around the room as if he was surveying it. He stood next to Alice, who reached out and took his hand in her own, confirming what I had already suspected - they were mates.

I followed them and sat down in the opposite sofa, Esme came and sat next to me. Rosalie followed, looking with disgust at the empty spot beside me, and then the sofa where Alice sat, before throwing herself into the seat next to me and crossing her arms, showing her unhappiness at the situation.

"I guess I should explain," Alice said. "You can tell I am vegetarian?" She pointed to her golden eyes, confusing me by her use of the nickname Emmett had come up with. I nodded. "I learned how to hunt from animals by watching you, and Esme and Edward too." I felt my brow furrow in confusion. "I always knew I was suppose to come and find you, after I'd found Jasper first."

"How?" I asked, the first question that came to my lips out of the many that were flying around inside my mind. "How did you know you had to come find us?"

Alice trilled a laugh. "Oh, I forget to mention that. I had a vision."

"A vision?"

"I'm psychic, for want of a better word." For some reason her words made me feel annoyed and frustrated. Suddenly, I wanted to shout at her, and tell her this was a bad idea.

"Jazz, you're projecting," Alice whispered to her mate. I felt myself calm down, now able to consider what she'd said rationally.

"Projecting?" I asked, my eyes on Jasper. His orange eyes scrutinized me, but it was Alice who answered me.

"Jasper is an empath. He can feel other people's emotions and influence them. That's what you felt back then."

"You can feel emotions?" Rosalie asked coldly.

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper replied, his attention now focused on her. She didn't say anything else, but I imagined Jasper was getting a non-verbal opinion of exactly how she felt.

"Why are you here?" I asked. It didn't make any sense. Here were two immensely powerful vampires, who any coven, even the Volturi, would have been glad to have. Why had they come to us?

"We want a chance to live in peace, away from the death and destruction which comes from living among traditional vampires. Jasper was created to fight in the wars of the South," Alice explained. That explained his scars. I had heard about the Southern coven wars, I had meticulously avoided the South for that reason. Wars where entire covens were deprecated, and where newborns were treated with the same detached disdain most vampires reserved only for humans. "But he grew fed up of being surrounded by so much pain and misery." I tried to imagine being an empath in a situation like that.

Jasper spoke up, speaking sadly. "I ran away with an old friend I had let go a few years earlier. We had been tasked with destroying the spent newborns, but he had fallen for one of them. I should have killed them both, that's what Maria expected-"

"Who's Maria?" Rosalie asked, her eyes on Alice.

"Maria is my former leader and creator." I felt a brief second of hatred. "Anyway, I was supposed to destroy this newborn, but I could feel their love, so I let them leave and they came back for me after a few years. But even up North, I couldn't escape the pain that came from hunting humans. I can feel their emotions when I kill them, but I never knew there was any other option. I had all but given up home, when one day I went inside a Philadelphian diner." As he spoke I had felt some of the pain and horror Jasper had felt wash over me, though I didn't know if this was on purpose or not.

"I was waiting for him there," Alice took over again. "His face was the first thing I ever saw. I don't remember anything from before the change."

"You don't remember your human life?" Rosalie cut in. Alice shook her head before continuing. "I kept having visions over the years of Jasper, and of this family. And I knew I had to find Jasper and bring us both here. It took me twenty-eight years, but I finally found him. We got married in a tiny Church the week afterwards. And then we've spent the last two years trying to find you, so we could join your family. If you'll let us." For the first time I heard doubt in Alice's voice. I turned to look at Esme, who was smiling. She gave a tiny nod at the same time I heard Alice squeal.

"Thank you," she said excitedly, standing up. I chuckled.

"I think you already know what I'm about to say, but you're welcome to join our family." Alice turned to look at Jasper and beamed. He gave a reluctant smile in return.

"We'll take Edward's room!" Alice chimed happily. Then before anybody could say anything, she grabbed Jasper's arm and started pulling him towards the hallway. Esme and I laughed quietly, amused by our newest members' antics.

"That'll make Edward's day!" Rosalie said vindictively.

"I'm not sure we should be allowing them to move into Edward's room," my wife commented, no doubt worried about his reaction once he arrived home.

Rosalie shrugged. "We have a spare room, Edward can move into that."

"I suppose the spare room would be too small for two people," Esme conceded. "Perhaps for now I should tell them to move his stuff into the garage and we can sort things out once he's home." She smiled happily and turned to me.

"Two more children, can you believe it, Carlisle?" she sang happily.

"No, darling. But I'm more than happy to have them here." If having those two join us could make Esme happy I wasn't going to even dare to reconsider. She gave me a quick kiss.

"I'll go help them with Edward's things," she announced before leaving the room.

"Two more children," Rosalie scoffed. I looked at her sternly. "Don't give me that look, Carlisle. They're not your children, they're strangers to us all. God knows what they could be planning, especially with talents like that. For all we know they could be planning to overthrow our entire coven." I knew she had a point, but I couldn't help but feel that Alice and Jasper were being genuine.

"They deserve the benefit of the doubt, Rosalie."

She snorted. "They could be up to anything."

"Innocent until proven guilty, Rosalie." Just then we heard footsteps on the stairs. Alice, Jasper, and Esme walked through the room, arms filled with boxes of Edward's stuff. Shortly afterwards, Alice and Esme returned, and Rosalie slunk off. I walked over to Alice and Esme, who were talking about … some fashion related thing. Just then Alice stopped and ran into the garage. I shared a worried look with Esme, before following her.

"I'm not your sister!" we heard Rosalie shriek.

We walked into the doorway in time to see Jasper push Alice behind him.

"Rosalie. Jasper. Stop!" I called, looking with dismay at the scene in front of me. _If they continue like this someone could get hurt, or worse. _

Rosalie straightened herself up with great dignity and Jasper got out of his defensive crouch. Alice came to stand by his side, smiling smugly. They all stood there awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Sorry I got your name wrong, _Miss. Hale_," Jasper said, heavily emphasising the last two words. I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed she would have created such a fuss over that, especially since it was an honest mistake on Jasper's part. Of course, we all knew she preferred to be called by her human name, but he didn't.

"That's what all this was about, Rosalie?" Esme said disbelievingly.

"Yes," Rosalie replied stonily.

"I think you owe Jasper an apology as well then," Esme reprimanded her.

Rosalie shot daggers at her mother, crossed her arms and pointedly said nothing. An uncomfortable silence dragged on for about ten seconds.

"Do as your mother says please, Rosalie," I said tiredly, I no longer worried about referring to her as such, she had been a part of our family for too long now.

"Sorry," she said stonily, and I knew that was the best we were going to get.

"Edward and Emmett will be home in 2 minutes and 38 seconds. Let's wait here from them – they'll be bringing the car in," Alice announced proudly.

"I think it would be best if you let me go ahead and explain what's happened here first," I said. It would confuse Edward to come home to hear two strange minds in his house, and if Emmett saw them as a risk to Rosalie, all Hell could break lose. I saw Alice's face briefly glaze over.

"Sure – that's work out just as well. It turns out best if you set off now and met them by the road about four miles away," Alice replied smiling. I nodded my consent and disappeared out of the garage.

Just as Alice had predicted I meet up with Edward and Emmett four miles from our house. Edward, who was driving as they'd been on a long distance hunting trip, stopped the car, I assumed he had picked up my thoughts.

"Why are we stopping?" I heard Emmett ask.

"Carlisle wants to speak to us," Edward explained as I walked up to the car.

"Carlisle," Emmett said in greeting, "What you doing here?"

"I need to tell you two something." I had already given Edward the mental run down, but needed to explain out loud for Emmett's benefit.

"What's up, Pops?" Emmett asked in his usual jovial way.

"I've been kicked out of my room apparently," Edward answered before I got a chance. _Son, let me make one thing clear,nobody's kicking you out. It's simply your room is larger than the spare room, and there is two of them._

"How about an explanation out loud for those of us who can't read minds," Emmett said, but he didn't sound annoyed.

I thought about the best way to explain what had just happened. "We have some visitors at our house. Two vampires called Alice and Jasper. They are like us, vegetarians, and they hope to stay with us and join our family. Alice is psychic and Jasper is an empath-"

"Oh great, more know-it-alls," Emmett interjected jokingly, mock-glaring at Edward. Edward just did a half-hearted eye roll.

"Jasper also has a somewhat violent past."

"Violent?" Emmett asked.

"There are vampires in the South who create entire armies of newborn to fight each other with, trying to claim territory."

"Seems a bit of flawed plan. After all, even if you manage to claim the territory you've got a bunch of newborns to feed as well. And what happens once they're not newborns anymore, they'll have to create a new army of newborns and they'll have the old one still to feed."

I sighed sadly at his naivety. "Most vampires in the South don't make it out of their newborn year."

"Oh," was all he said in reply. "You mean they create them and then destroy them once they're no longer useful. They're created with the express purpose of being used to fight and then killed." I nodded. "I guess I owe you a thank you then," he continued thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"You know, for creating me for keeps."

"Um, you're welcome." I replied, thrown by the unexpected gratitude. "Anyway, I expect us all to treat these newcomers like you would any other member of our family. Understand?"

"Sure thing," Emmett agreed cheerfully. My eyes flickered to Edward.

"Yes, Carlisle."

"You hopping in the car or running back?" Emmett asked. I looked over at the car.

"Aren't the children supposed to sit in the back?" I knew neither of them would take me seriously, this was confirmed when they both gave me the 'don't be stupid' look. Chuckling to myself, I jumped into the backseat.

We drove into the garage to find Esme and Rosalie whispering furiously.

"Can't you just give them a chance, Rosalie?" Esme asked as I went to walk over them. Emmett also came over and stood by his wife. Edward was looking at the boxes of his stuff.

"What's wrong with them, babe?" Emmett asked gently.

"I just don't trust them," she hissed. I knew, in her own way, she was trying to look out for our family.

"Come on, babe. Give them a chance. I want to meet them anyway."

We went into the living room. Esme, Rosalie and I sat together on the vacant sofa opposite Alice and Jasper, in fact the seating arrangements were exactly the same as they had been earlier, except Emmett now sat on the arm of the sofa next to Rosalie, one arm draped around her neck, and Edward was stood at the other side beside Esme.

"I'm trying to work out how your talents work," Edward said, seemingly in response to nobody. I assumed in response to a question in Jasper or Alice's mind.

Meanwhile I had begun the introductions. "This is Emmett and this is Edward." I pointed to them both in turn. "And this is Alice and Jasper." I pointed to the two of them.

"Yes!" Edward said with a smirk. "Tell me about it," he continued darkly. I frowned at my son. _Don't do that to them, son. It's rude, especially considering they don't know about your talent._

"Edward can-" I began but was cut off by Alice.

"Read minds, yes we know!"

"Of course you do," I replied with a smile. "Got to try and remember that." Alice smiled and then there was a long stretch of silence.

"Alice, honey, you seeing something?" Jasper asked her quietly and she smiled at him.

"Nope just trying something out for the future," she replied happily.

"It's a good plan," Edward agreed. I was getting confused. _What's going on, Edward?_

"Will someone please telling us what's going on," Emmett said in a half-joking, half-annoyed voice, voicing what we all were thinking.

"Alice just has a good plan for how we can communicate silently," Edward informed him.

"Well that's just great!" Emmett said sarcastically. "Because you're not annoying enough now – lets just give you a partner in crime."

"That's the plan!" Alice said jokingly.

"Because you're so normal yourself," Edward said to Jasper. _Edward! You're being really rude! _Then I noticed he was smiling.

"Edward!" Esme chastised. Edward seemingly ignored her.

Alice however clapped her hands happily. "Look at you two already acting like brothers!" she sang. Even Jasper cracked a smile at his wife's happiness. I didn't need to turn around to know that line would please Esme too.

"I guess we are," Jasper agreed tentatively with Alice

"You know what brothers do?" Emmett asked excitedly. "Brothers wrestle." He smiled at Jasper condescendingly and Jasper smiled back. Emmett was no doubt under the impression that with his strength he could beat Japer easily, but Jasper had not gained that many scars and lived without being good in a fight. I was slightly worried by the idea of Emmett wrestling him, for what if Jasper forgot it was in jest?

"Bring it," Jasper replied.

"Excellent! I've been wanting to take on someone who doesn't cheat," Emmett glared at Edward.

"I can't help it," Edward said fake-innocently, smiling smugly at his brother. "I'm the older one," Edward said to Jasper.

"Na-huh!" This was Emmett's highly thought out response. I had to suppress a sigh, not this again.

"Who was born first, Emmett?" Edward asked

"Who made it out of their teens before dieing?" Emmett shot back.

"Who has heard this argument a million times?" Esme added jokingly. All three laughed then, with Alice and I joining in, even Jasper gave a low chuckle. Only Rosalie remained unsmiling.

"If we're quite finished here I'm going back to the garage," she announced huffily. She stalked off out of the room. I sent Emmett a pleading look. _How had we ever managed to get along in those years __done before we had Emmett to calm Rosalie down?_

"I'll go talk to her," Emmett said. "Hey, Rose, babe, wait up!" he called after his wife, following her out of the room.

"I need to start getting ready for my shift anyway," I said, remembering it was soon. I kissed Esme on the cheek before going upstairs.

As I changed I thought about our newest arrivals. Alice seemed incredibly likeable, and Jasper deserved a second chance, no matter what he may have done. I could tell his control was a little shaky though, as suggested by the orange of his eyes. I supposed it would be after decades of gluttony. But still, I found myself glad they had found us.

I heard Esme say. "She's right. This is your home now."

"Thanks, mom!" I heard Alice squeal. I could just picture Esme smiling when she said that. I could tell having Alice around was going to make my wife happy, so I could never have turned them away.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen," Jasper said. I could tell it would take him longer to accept the family dynamics of our household, and find his place among our family. If I had to guess I would have said he had only come here for Alice.

I came downstairs in my scrubs for my shift and left after kissing Esme goodbye. I got one last look at Alice and Jasper on our sofa, they were only holding hands, but the love between them was still clear. Yes, I was definitely happy they'd found us.

* * *

**This chapter is based upon the version I wrote a while ago in Jasper's POV, as a part of my short story, All Alone?**

**I hope you all liked Alice and Jasper's arrival with the Cullens :) I'd love to hear your thoughts :)**


	70. Home At Last

1950

_Alice_

I had taken to just walking around the Cullen house, still unable to believe I was truly here at last. These rooms I had been having visions of for the last year, and, more importantly, these people I'd been having visions of for decades, I could finally see them with my own eyes, in the present.

Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme were at home with me, the other three were at school. I looked into everyone's future. At the moment all three of them were sat awkwardly in the living room, and none of them had any intention of breaking the silence soon. Carlisle and Jasper were both reading, Carlisle had lent him a book, and Esme was sketching in her pad. Coming back to the present, I decided I had to do something to help things along. A sudden vision hit me and I had to resist the temptation to squeal. I was going to take Esme shopping, and therefore force Carlisle and Jasper into bonding.

"Esme," I called, skipping into the room. "Do you want to go shopping?"

"Sure," she agreed with a smile.

"Do you two want to come?" I asked the two men.

"No, thanks," Carlisle said instantly, his wife playfully glared at him. I saw in my mind as Jasper changed his mind repeatedly. He didn't want to be left alone with just Carlisle, but he didn't want to come shopping either. I started listing all the things we could go and get to Esme; stopping at what I knew would be the right point. Enough to scare Jasper off, but not quite enough to panic Esme.

"I think I'll stay here," Jasper said, eyeing me suspiciously. He must have known I was up to something.

"Have fun," I whispered in his ear before giving him a kiss. Once we had finished I turned around in time to see Esme finishing her very similar goodbye with Carlisle.

We walked to my car, since I knew Esme didn't have one.

"This is my baby," I told Esme proudly. "Do you know what this is?" I groaned in response upon seeing what her reply would be.

"Alice's car," she replied defiantly.

"Nooooo, Esme, this is," I would of told her all about it, but I could see she was never going to get it.

She faked a sigh. "Great, another car enthusiast. Quick question, you're not going to be as bad as Rosalie when it comes to shopping, are you?"

"Of course not," I replied. _I'm so much worse._

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I clapped excitedly when Esme left the changing room.

"It's a little short," she said uncomfortably, trying to pull it down.

"It's perfect," I proclaimed. I smiled as I had a vision of Carlisle's reaction to Esme in this dress, but cut it off before I would see anything I really didn't want to.

"Alice, I'm not sure," she protested. The vision changed to her refusing to buy it.

"Just trust me. Carlisle's going to love it." Those five words were what finally convinced her to buy it.

"Shoes next," I declared. Esme smiled tentatively.

I pulled her into the nearest shoe shop and began looking at the shoes. As I looked I had a vision of how each would look on Esme. Finally, we got to the perfect pair.

"Here," I said, passing them to her.

"They're a bit high, Alice."

"Please, try them on. They look amazing, trust me." Reluctantly, she tried the shoes on.

"Alice," she began to argue. I looked into the future, to see if I would manage to persuade her. I was greeted with an image of Carlisle and Esme, in which Esme was wearing nothing but the high heels. I quickly stopped it.

"Well, Carlisle's _really_ going to love them."

"Stop using that on me," she protested half-heartedly. She passed the shoes back to me, but I knew that was because she had already decided to buy them.

"How are the boys doing back at home?" she asked. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes as I saw the pair of them still sat in the living room, reading in silence.

"Esme, you don't have anything that needs doing around the house, do you?"

"Um," Esme thought for a minute, and then I had a vision of Carlisle and Jasper re-tiling the roof.

"Perfect! There's a phone box around the corner, phone Carlisle and tell him it desperately needs doing."

_Carlisle and Jasper were on the roof._

"_Sorry about this," Carlisle said._

_Jasper gave a low chuckle. "I think my wife may have sent yours up for this." Carlisle laughed too._

"_It did seem a bit of an odd request for Esme to make."_

"_Alice always has her reasons for everything, even if they don't always make sense to us mere present-dwellers," he said with a smile._

"_It must be interesting, having a mate with a talent like that."_

"_It certainly is," Jasper replied, still smiling._

"_I have to say I'm curious about your talents." Jasper eyed Carlisle suspiciously, and then he looked surprised._

"_Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," Carlisle said hastily._

"_No, it's just, you really are just curious," Jasper explained, shaking his head in bewilderment. "I've learned to expect everyone to have a second motive, to trust no one. But I can't sense anything off of you that would indict you're trying to make some sort of power play. You're genuinely just curious. Any other coven leader would be trying to exploit us. But you…"_

_Carlisle looked Jasper right in the eye. "That's because I'm not the leader of my coven. I'm the father of my family." Jasper continued to scrutinize him._

"_Again, you're being genuine," he said in shock. There was a short silence._

"_We should get this roof tiled before our wives come home," Carlisle said into the silence, he looked at the pile of tiles with disdain. "Or we could talk some more."  
_

"_So you wanted to more about our talents," Jasper began._

I smiled, knowing the roof would not by tiled by the time Esme and me arrived home.

"What have you seen to make you so happy?" Esme asked, as she walked out of the phone box.

"The roof's not going to be properly tiled when we get home."

"Good. I always end up straightening up the boys work anyway." I giggled as I had a vision of her doing just that.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"You're a sneaky little minx, you know that," Jasper whispered in my ear, as he came up behind me, hugging me to him. I was in our bedroom, sorting through my newest purchases.

"I just want you to fit in," I explained. Above us, we heard several loud banging sounds. "Esme is re-correcting your handiwork."

Above us, we heard Carlisle ask if his wife was sure she didn't need any help.

"No, Carlisle. Just sit there and pass me the nails."

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. "Not exactly your normal coven leader and his mate."

"Since when did anything I ever told you suggest to you the Cullens were normal?"

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I walked into the living room. _Hi, Edward!_

"Hi, Alice."

_You're supposed to just decide what to say, so I can see it._

"There's no one else around to listen in, Alice. There's no need to communicate silently. Plus it's actually easier to talk than to just consciously decide to talk."

_We're all going hunting this evening. Let's leave it at that since I know you don't want any more details._

"Finally, someone who gets that!"

_I've seen my fair share of things I didn't want to really see. I learned a long time ago it's risky to look too closely into Rosalie and Emmett's future. At least with Carlisle and Esme there's usually some sort of warning so I know when to stop looking. But with those two…_

"They never learned the meaning of discreet. I sincerely hope for the sake of your sanity you didn't see what happened yesterday in the supply closet at school, of which I've seen one too many re-runs."

_No, but seeing what they had planned for during tonight's hunt may have scarred me for life._

I was trying my hardest not to show Edward.

"While I appreciate the effort, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

_Would you like some revenge?_

"_Revenge?" _This time he didn't speak out loud. I showed him my plan. Rosalie and Emmett would abandon their clothes, and while they were otherwise occupied with other things I would steal them. My vision showed the scheme working perfectly.

"_Unfortunately, Emmett isn't the sort of person to be bothered by a small thing like wondering round the forest naked. Rosalie will be though."_ He smiled slightly at the thought.

_But they have to come home eventually. _I showed Edward my vision of their return.

"_Window?" Emmett whispered to Rosalie, they were stood beside the wall of the house, both as naked as the day they were born._

"_Well, unless you fancy walking through the living room," Rosalie replied snappishly, she kept glancing around worriedly._

"_Yeah, I'm sure that would go down well. 'Hi, Esme. Hi, Carlisle. Don't mind us.'"_

"_Can you just open the window, please," Rosalie insisted impatiently. Emmett climbed instantly up the gutter and onto the windowsill._

"_I think the lock's stuck or something. I can't open it!" As he exerted too much power in his desperate attempts to open it, the window smashed. The sound vibrated throughout the house, and Esme came up to investigate. Emmett froze where he was, and so was still sat perched, naked, on the windowsill, with a broken piece of glass in one hand, where Esme walked in. She shrieked at the sight of him._

"_Oh, dear Lord! Emmett Cullen, what have you been doing this time? On second thought, don't answer that!" She sighed, frustrated. Carlisle, attracted by his wife's shriek, came into the room. He took one look at Emmett and laughed._

"_What have you done this time, son?" he asked, shaking his head._

"_What he's done, Carlisle, is break my window. That was a specially designed window, I'll let you know, designed to perfectly enhance the exterior of this house."_

"_I have to ask why you're on the windowsill naked, Emmett. Particularly alone. Where's Rosalie?" Carlisle asked. Rosalie was still stood where Emmett had left her, differing between her desire to flee and her distaste at abandoning her mate in such a precarious position._

_Finally, she sighed. "Down here. Can you toss me a dress down, please, Esme."_

"_And the world makes sense again," Carlisle commented. He hadn't looked out of the window, but had presumably figured out from her request that Rosalie was as naked as her husband. It couldn't have been very hard to put two and two together._

_Esme threw Alice the requested dress and then turned to Emmett. "Please get dressed, and then I want you both in the living room. I think we need to have yet another talk."_

"_Oh, come on, Ma. Not another talk!"_

"_Five houses, Emmett. And then on top of that twelve walls and one hundred and eight pieces of furniture." She glared at her son. "Oh! And one window!" she added, pointing to the broken item in question. "So, yes, we need to have another talk!" Then she walked out, muttering. Carlisle followed her._

"_I really don't know what we're going to do with them," she said to her husband once they arrived in the living room._

"_Now then, love. It's not like we've never gone 'hunting' and ended up doing something else entirely different before," Carlisle said, pulling her close and kissing her neck suggestively._

"_Yes, but we at least manage to salvage some of our clothes. They're not always in the best condition," both her and Carlisle smiled, obviously at some shared memory, "but we don't show up back in the house in nothing more than our birthday suits, and then smash a window trying to sneak in!"_

_Carlisle chuckled. "Good point, dear. Good point," he conceded. He had swapped to twirling the end of one caramel curl around his finger._

"_What am I going to do with them? It's not like I can ground them or anything. They are, technically, grown married adults." She laughed slightly then. "Maybe I should make them walk down Main Street naked as punishment."  
_

_Carlisle laughed. "That would attract a lot of unwanted attention to our family."_

"_What can I say, I'm running out of ways to deal with your children."  
_

"_My children?" Carlisle teased. "They misbehave and suddenly they're my children?"_

"_Something like that," Esme replied, but her smile gave away that she was only joking._

"_Cold, Ma. Ice cold," Emmett told her as he walked into the room with Rosalie. They were both fully dressed again._

"_You know I'm only joking, dears," she said fondly. "You're my children, and I'll love you no matter how angry I am. Which reminds me…" Esme's face fell into her 'patented angry mother look' as Emmett called it._

"_Oh, uh," Emmett joked._

"_Why don't you two sit down and we can discuss this," Carlisle suggested calmly. Rosalie and Emmett did as he had suggested. "Now we know you're a married couple, but you're also a part of this family. You've lived away for short periods of time before, but it's been fourteen years, have you seriously not learned discretion yet?"_

"_Hey! We've been doing better," Emmett said. "This is the first time in over a year, and it's not our fault our clothes went missing."_

"_I still don't understand that. We definitely left them underneath that tree. Where could they have gone?" Rosalie asked suspiciously._

"_Nevertheless," Esme interjected. "It's the window that truly bothers me. How many times have I said you can do whatever you want with each other as long as it doesn't end up with me replacing any furniture or rebuilding?"_

"_Sorry, Esme," they both mumbled._

"_Like I said, that window was specially designed. Now I'm going to have to replace them all, which will mean re-decorating the whole exterior to match. And guess who just volunteered to help me?" Both of them begin to protest, but Esme shut them up with one glare._

"_Oh, come on, Esme!" Rosalie tried again. "You know I hate decorating. I always ruin my dresses."_

"_I suggest you wear something old then," Esme replied. Rosalie opened her mouth to argue and then closed it in defeat._

"_Is that it then?" Emmett asked. "Lecture over?"_

"_Yes, Emmett. You can go now," Esme said tiredly. Rosalie and Emmett ran up the stairs. "And don't even think about destroying anything else!" she shouted after them. She fell backwards onto the sofa, mimicking human exhaustion. Carlisle sat next to her, pulling her into his embrace. He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead._

"_You know I love seeing the maternal side of you," he said softly._

_Esme laughed gently. "Even the angry side?" she questioned._

"_Even the angry side. It's nice to see you get so passionate."_

_Esme scoffed. "Excuse me, Dr. Cullen. I believe you see the passionate side of me quite often, and over something much more special to my heart than specially designed windows."_

"_There's something more special to your heart than specially designed windows?" he teased._

"_I can think of a few things," she teased back. She turned her head to look at him, gazing into his eyes. Gently, he caressed her cheek, and then placed his hand underneath her chin so as to tilt her head up towards him.  
_

"_Am I one of them?" he whispered, still teasing._

"_Of course," she replied softly, before sealing his lips to his._

I stopped the vision there, mainly for Edward's benefit. It really didn't bother me seeing Carlisle and Esme being all lovey-dovey with each other, in fact, I thought it was kind of sweet.

"Thanks," Edward said in recognition of the fact I had purposefully stopped the vision for him.

_So do we have a plan?_

"_Rosalie's going to be suspicious."_

_What if we leave them in a rabbit hole or something? _A vision showed me that wouldn't work. A different vision showed me throwing them into a bear cave, and Emmett discovering them a few days later.

"_Bloody fuckers," he murmured to himself. "You lil bastards just keep getting me, don't ya? Well, at least Rose will stop blaming Eddie now."_

_Perfect plan! That's diabolical, Edward._

"You too, little sister."

_Little?_ I questioned, insulted. However I was mainly focused on the fact he had called me 'sister'. The main reason behind getting revenge on Rosalie and Emmett was to show Edward he was not being pushed to the edge of his family by our arrival. Edward smiled at me and patted the top of my head.

"Little," he said as he did so.

Just then, I heard the recognizable tread of my husband's footsteps approaching. He looked at Edward suspiciously as he walked into the room, coming in and wrapping his arm around my possessively. I had to resist the urge to suppress a sigh, every time he seemed to be opening up to the Cullens, he would shut himself away from them ago. He fluxed between cautious friendliness to suspicious mistrust.

"What are you planning?" he whispered in my ear. "Whatever it is I have a feeling," I almost groaned at his terrible pun, and Edward actually did, earning him another glare, "it's going to work." I whispered the scheme in his ear, and then looked at him. He had that sparkle in his eyes that usually only I saw.

"I'll leave you two alone," Edward said before leaving.

"Sounds like this is going to be a perfectly executed plan," Jasper told me jokingly, his barriers down now it was just the two of us.

"Why, thank you, Major," I drawled in my best attempt at a Southern accent.

"Never do that again, please, darlin'," Jasper said, shaking his head exasperatedly, put tightening his hold on me. Everything just felt so deliciously right in that moment. I was in the arms of the man I loved, having just planned a scheme with my brother about how to get our older siblings in trouble with our parents. This is what it felt like to have a family, to have a home. Everything I had coveted for the last three decades I know had. In that moment, I knew everything was going to be just fine.

_And I didn't even have to look into the future to know it!_

**

* * *

**

I hope all the italiacs didn't confuse everyone -it's e

**ither Alice's thoughts, or what she's seeing in a vision. When she's talking to Edward, she's having a vision of what he's going to say next.**

**I love writing angry mother Esme. I know the Cullen 'children' are all actually adults, but I can imagine having Emmett around helped her to slip into acting more motherly.**

**I loved to hear your thoughts on Alice :)**


	71. Two Nil to Esme

1951

Jasper

"I'll only be gone a few hours," Alice said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss me. _A few hours? More like an entire day!_ We were stood in the Cullens garage, with all the other younger Cullens. We had recently moved, and now Alice was going to high school along with the others. Having no memories of attending school as a human, I knew how much this meant to her, and so I would never complain. But that didn't mean I was happy with the situation. _A whole day without her. _My control was still too unstable for me to attend alongside her.

"Have a good day, I'll miss you," I told her. This time I leant down to kiss her. From inside the car, Edward beeped his horn impatiently.

"Bye, Jazz," Alice said, and with one last peck she was gone.

I returned back into the house, uncertain what to do next. I walked into the living room to be greeted with the smell of chemicals drifting out of the kitchen. Curious, I walked into the kitchen. Esme was in there, surrounded by several bottles I couldn't identify, scrubbing at the kitchen floor. _I never thought I'd see a vampire cleaning their kitchen._ Just then, Carlisle rushed past me; there was a sort of frantic energy to him. He was still tightening his tie as he hurried through the kitchen, giving Esme a quick kiss on the cheek and a hasty goodbye before leaving. I felt a moment of sadness wash over her before she looked up at me and smiled. The happiness radiating of her was overwhelming as always. It still surprised me that someone could be so happy to see me, but Esme seemed to spend the majority of her days in a perpetual state of happiness. Her emotions were rather simple for a vampire, as long as her family was happy she was happy. Simply being with her husband or one of her children made her content. Esme Cullen's entire existence revolved around those she loved, and loved with all her heart. The love she held for her children was unbelievable in its potency, not as strong as the love a vampire has for their mate, but a close second. It had thrown me when she began to emit the emotion when there was just the two of us, not because I didn't know what it was, there is an acute difference between how it feels to love a children compared to a mate, but because this gentle woman would consider me one of her children, despite everything I was, and everything I'd done.

I have to admit when I had first meet I had believed her to be a complete and utter idiot, for where was the suspicion or fear that came from seeing two strangers on her doorstep? No, from the minute Alice had announced our intention to join her family, Esme had been an ecstatic beacon of joy.

She was the easiest Cullen for me to be around, for her emotions were generally pleasant to share.

The moment of sadness intrigued me though.

"Hello, Jasper," she greeted me cheerfully.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen," I said. For some strange reason, she felt the tiniest bit annoyed.

"What are you planning to do today then?" she asked. I shrugged. I would probably end up borrowing one of Carlisle's books to read.

"Well, if you've nothing better to do you can always help me," she suggested, but I knew she was joking. I looked at her again, on her hands and knees scrubbing a floor that was barely used in a room that was never used for its intended purpose. _If I'd told myself three years ago that I'd one day see a vampire scrubbing their kitchen floor I never would have believed a word of it. _Abnormal and bizarre though they were, I couldn't begrudge the Cullens their lifestyle. They were like no other vampires I had meet, but living with other 'normal' vampires had never caused me anything other than pain and regret, so who was I to complain about their abnormal behaviour.

"I think I'll pass, ma'am," I replied, again she felt annoyed. _She hadn't seriously expected me to help, had she?_

"Jasper, you've been living with us for six months now. Don't you think it's time you graduated to calling me by my first name? The rest of my chil-, all the others do."

"Sorry, Mrs. Cu-, Esme."

She went back to scrubbing the floor.

"Jasper, please tell me you'd never be stupid enough to walk through my kitchen with muddy shoes?" she asked, her eyes still scanning the floor.

"Oh, um, no, ma'am."

"Well, at least I have one sensible son," she muttered. _Did she, did she just call me her son? _It didn't matter how many times the Cullens spoke of 'family', and 'parents', and 'children', I couldn't understand the concept, not when it involved myself. I understood that the Cullens, and Alice too, for she was undeniably a Cullen now - that was what name she was going to use at the school today, Alice Cullen, not Alice Whitlock - were a family, just not how I could be included in it. I was a soldier, a vampire. Not a son or a brother. Alice may have insisted on us getting married, but I saw her as my mate, not my wife.

Esme suddenly started attacking a section of the floor with vigour, even though my eyesight was just as good as hers and I couldn't see any dirt on her newly cleaned floor. I left her to it, still reeling from her earlier 'son' comment.

I was hiding out in my room when I felt the same jolt of sadness from before. Something was making her both upset and annoyed, and then guilty.

Curious once more, I abandoned my – well, Carlisle's – book and went downstairs. She was now dusting the living room. She had on a pair of marigolds and was using a large pink feather duster. You could easily have confused her for any human housewife. The fact that she -for some Godforsaken reason- chose to clean at human speed helped to complete the illusion.

"Why don't you go at full speed, you'd get the work done it a friction of the time?" I asked without thinking about it. For nearly six months I had lived with these curious vampires, and yet I still couldn't make sense of them.

She just smiled. "But this way is more fun." She hummed to herself as she danced around the room, dusting.

"Can you hold this a minute while I move these pictures?" she asked. The next thing I knew I had a large pink feather duster in my hand. I found myself imagining what Maria would think if she could see me now, or any of the Southern vampires for that matter, either former ally or foe. Jasper Whitlock -once the feared and respected lieutenant of one of the most violent vampires in the South -holding a pink feather duster for a humming vampire housewife wearing a flowery apron. I laughed out loud as I imagined their faces. Esme turned to me, feeling confused. I supposed nobody but Alice heard me laugh much.

"What's so funny?" she questioned.

"Nothing, just the bizarreness of this situation."

"Bizarreness?" she asked. Of course, for Esme, who was created by Carlisle and had seen little of the vampire world outside her own family, there was nothing weird about this. This was just a normal day for her.

"I come from a very different sort of lifestyle."

"Violence isn't an easy thing to escape from, I know," she whispered. I felt the pity, and the sadness, and, strangely, the fear. Not that it was strange for people to fear me because of my past; just that she never had until now.

"No offence, Mrs. Cullen, but you know very little about violence," I muttered bitterly, before I could stop myself. Her emotions became a swirl, as if she was trying to control herself, trying to steel herself.

"People use violence for control, Jasper. Whether to make you do their binding like Maria did, or simply for their own sick amusement." It was there again - the same cloying fear. "But if you allow yourself to wallow in the memories once there's nothing more than just that, memories, than you're allowing them to control you still." Slowly the fear dispersed, to be replaced with pride and relief.

"Who did you fear?" I asked without thinking.

"A long dead man," she replied. "Jasper, no matter what violence you may have been forced to face in your past, you are safe here with us now. If you wish to live in the present, you can't dwell for too long on your past. And the present – the present is good, Jasper. You are a part of a family now." She scanned my face, while I tried to resist the temptation to scowl. "Go on, tell me I'm wrong. You see yourself as not a part of this family, but I think you are. I think you are Alice's husband. Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie's brother. And mine and Carlisle's son. So if I'm under some sort of misimpression, now would be the time to tell me."

Her boldness took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say.

"So am I wrong?" she insisted. Still slightly stunned, I shook my head. The creeping doubt that had begun to set in to her emotions was replaced with pure joy and maternal love. Suddenly, she was hugging me. A loving, motherly hug. It took me completely by surprise. My instincts had screamed 'attack' at me, but luckily I had controlled myself in time. Realizing my arms were still at my side, I timidly hugged her back. Then, without a word, she took the duster off me and went back to work. With one last bemused look at her, I turned to leave.

"Do you want to know a secret?" she asked me. I turned back around to look at her. "I hate night time." _What sort of vampire hates the night? We are creatures of the night! Could this woman get any weirder? _"Because Carlisle usually works nights. I love the days, and I hate the nights. But sometimes Carlisle has to go in to work during the days, like today, for emergencies. It upsets me, as you probably could tell," _so that's what the sadness was about,_ "but I know his job makes him happier." _Why is she telling me this? _"I know it's horrible, being left at home while the person you love is gone, but if they're doing something they enjoy, who are we to complain?" Suddenly I realized she was talking about Alice going to school.

"I miss her though. I wish I could go with her, but my damn control won't last."

"Don't swear, Jasper," she chided me. _Sure, murder, torture, war, all forgivable – but swearing!_ I thought sarcastically. "I often wish I could go visit Carlisle at the hospital, but I'm always too afraid in the end."

"There's a bit of a difference between a school and a hospital," I replied, trying my hardest not to think of either. Unfortunately, my throat still burned uncomfortably. I'd have to ask Alice to take me hunting, again, when she returned home.

"I suppose so," she admitted. Then she smiled – no, smirked – at me. "You know I used to be teacher, we could set up our own school here if you want."

"I think I'll pass, Mrs. Cullen." She felt annoyed again. Again I wondered if what I had thought was a joke had been a serious suggestion.

Then she started saying her name phonetically. "Es. May. Say it with me now, Jasper. Es. May."

"Esme," I repeated obediently, debating whether I should be amused or annoyed. She looked over at the clock.

"Alice should be home soon," she announced. I smiled to myself at the thought.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

As soon as I heard the car nearby I was in the driveway. I barely noticed the others, as Alice got out and skipped over to me. My mouth was on hers before either of us had said a word. Once the kiss finally ended I asked her how her first day went.

"Great," she beamed at me.

"What about the rest of you?" Esme, who was now stood in the doorway, asked. The rest of the Cullen children shrugged and made various unconcerned noises.

"Well, I had a great day," Alice said to Esme, walking up and hugging her. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome," Esme said, feeling ecstatic. Alice felt happy as well, but just a little bit proud. There was something else going on behind all this.

"Come on," she said to me, and I knew she knew I needed to hunt, and all questions could wait until afterwards.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"It was Esme," Alice said to me. She was sat under a tree, waiting for me as she didn't need the blood. "I saw some of your conversation with her today and then Edward explained it to me." I had just finished hunting, my throat was not satisfied, but the flames had become a tolerable tickle.

"What was?" I asked.

"You remember I said I once got visions of a human woman, in my first year as a vampire?" I remembered clearly Alice telling me about two of the earlier visions she'd had. They had been dimmer than her normal visions – she assumed because it involved humans – and she'd had no idea who the woman in them had been. She had been horrified as she recalled getting those visions back when she had no idea what she was or what she was seeing, just listening to the woman plea for mercy knowing she needed help, but not knowing how to give it. "And I always wondered why. I knew I was seeing you for a reason, and seeing Carlisle and Edward for a reason. But why was I getting shown this random human woman being beaten? It was for the same reason, because she would be a part of life one day. I just never put two and two together once I saw Esme on the cliff or as a vampire." Alice had always wondered why some visions she could control and some she couldn't. Why had she been able to see any of us at all to begin with, when she had none known of us? She would be the first to admit she didn't truly understand how her visions worked, even now.

"How can she be so darn happy all the time then, with something like that in her past?" I asked, but suddenly what Esme had been trying to tell me about moving on carried a lot more conviction behind it.

"See," Alice said with a slightly sad smile. "It is possible to move past violence."

"Maybe," I hedged. Some days it felt like I would never escape what I had done in my past.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said standing up. "I promised Rosalie I'd help her sort through her wardrobe." I smiled to myself at that. Even Rosalie, who had been so cold and distant to us at first, had been broken down by Alice's charm, especially since it was coupled with many shopping trips. That, and the fact that Rosalie never did learn that Alice was the reason she had to donate her time to (and spoil her dresses during) helping Esme redecorate the exterior of the old house.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

As we arrived home, Emmett came bounding over to me. He was feeling enthusiastic, which meant he was planning something.

"Since our wives apparently have girly plans, I want a re-match." I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes; Emmett hadn't won a single play fight between us since the day I had arrived.

"Fine," I agreed reluctantly. Though beating Emmett was undeniably fun, his tactics could be disturbingly similar to the newborns I had once fought. Alice gave me one last kiss before disappearing into the house. As Emmett and I moved to stand in the Cullens' backyard, it began to rain heavily, and the ground underneath us quickly became nothing more than mud.

The fight went as always, I dodged out of Emmett's way until he got frustrated and went for the easy kill – the newborn way. The next thing he knew he was on his front, face down in the mud. I had executed that manoeuvre countless times, but it was still new to me to let my prey stand back up again. To see a face smiling at me at the end of it all.

"Damn, you're good!" Emmett said as he stood up, slapping me on the back. I was used to Emmett's nonchalance now, he didn't think twice before doing anything. Like Esme, he was easy enough to be around, his emotions simple and usually content. Unlike Edward, Carlisle, and especially Rosalie, whose emotions were much more complex and generally not as positive.

Emmett kept up his chatter as we walked back to the house, and I knew by now all I had to do was pretend to listen. We were in the kitchen when Esme came to greet us, and then her emotions skyrocketed. She was glaring angrily at the pair of us.

"Emmett, what did I tell you about dragging mud through my kitchen?"

"Um… to never do it again?" We both looked guilty down at the mud-splattered floor. Esme disappeared for a second and the next thing I knew I had mop in my hand, and Emmett was holding a bucket.

"I'm not cleaning up after you again. I want this kitchen spotless again by the time you're finished. Understand, Emmett?"

"Yes, Ma."

"You too, Jasper. What happened to you being the son that doesn't bring mud into my house?"

"Oh … erm." I looked down at the floor. I've taken down armies without flinching, but I couldn't look Esme Cullen in the eye at that moment.

She sighed. "I'm really glad you all act like brothers," she said softly. Happiness and motherly love once more surrounded me. This woman really was unbelievable. "But I don't appreciate having to clean up after you."

"Isn't that what mothers are for?" Emmett joked. Esme rolled her eyes and left, reminding us over her shoulder that she expected the place spotless.

"Don't worry," Emmett said to me, as he filled the bucket. "Esme never stays mad long. She's just not programmed that way."

"I wasn't worried," I replied scathingly.

"Dude, admit it. Former soldier or not, you were scared for a minute there." I shrugged. Emmett laughed. "And that, ladies and gentleman, is why the South lost the war."

"What?" I asked incredulously. _We lost?_

"Oh yeah, pal. South lost. Didn't you know that?" He took in my dumb-founded expression. "Apparently not. Anyway, you want the cloth or the mop?"

"Mop," I said. This was embarrassing enough as it was without having to go down on my hands and knees.

We had been cleaning for a short while, when the back door opened and Carlisle walked in.

"Hey! Hey! I just cleaned that spot!" Emmett shouted at him.

"Mud in the kitchen again?" he asked.

"Don't you dare stand on any of the bits I've already cleaned," Emmett huffed. Carlisle walked with exaggeratedly careful steps through the kitchen and Emmett huffed some more. We resumed our cleaning. Some of the conversation from next door drifted through.

"You've been there most of the day, do you really have to go back tonight?" Esme asked.

"You know I have to, dear," Carlisle replied. Esme was frustrated by his answer for a moment, before it swapped to love. I remembered what she had earlier, and suddenly understood that despite it taking him away from her at times, Carlisle's job made her happy because it made him happy.

Once the cleaning was finally finished, I went up to the room I shared with Alice. My darling wife was sat on our bed waiting for me.

"You already know what I'm going to say."

"I still want you to say it," she replied.

I sighed. "I'm glad you enjoyed going to school. And I'm happy you're doing something that makes you happy." Alice smiled and kissed me.

"So you beat Emmett again?" she asked, but there was a mischievous edge to her emotions.

"Yeah," I replied cautiously. She giggled.

"You may keep beating Emmett, but it's definitely 2-0 to Esme."

"2?" I questioned. I willingly conceded one point to her for the kitchen.

"She got you to admit you are her son, didn't she?"

I laughed. "Fair enough. 2-0 to Esme."

"Are you happy here, Jazz?" Alice asked softly.

"If you're happy, I'm happy," I replied sincerely.

* * *

**Another chapter that didn't want to be written! I did love writing Esme through Jasper's eyes though.**

**Also I always consider Alice as being changed in 1920, so she would have been a vampire at the same time that Esme was still with Charles.**

**Reviews are always appreciated :)**


	72. Forced To Run

1956

_Carlisle_

The scent was one I would recognize anywhere, but it still confused me. _Why would Esme be at the hospital? _She never visited me out of fear her control wouldn't last. Not that I was complaining that she had finally worked up the courage to visit me at work.

"Esme?" I asked happily as she walked through my office door. The smile slipped from my face the second I saw the look she wore on hers. _Something is terribly wrong._

"Carlisle," she exclaimed hurriedly. Instantly she was at my side. "We need to go. Now." She pulled me out of my chair and hurried us to stand by the window.

"Esme? What's going on?"

"Alice said the police were coming to question you, because of Jasper. They should be in the hospital reception right now. We need to leave." She began to open the window.

"Esme, it's going to look very suspicious if I suddenly disappear."

"There's no other choice. Alice will explain at home. But we need to leave now." She looked at the now open window, indicting I should go first. Still perplexed, I did as she wanted anyway. I caught her as she followed me a second later. She didn't chide me for the unneeded gesture, as she usually would have.

Edward suddenly appeared beside us.

"I've destroyed the hospital records. There's no written record of Carlisle ever working here," he told Esme.

"Good," she replied. "Come on, we need to go home."

A thousand different scenarios ran through my head for as why we would need to leave right now. The words 'because of Jasper' stuck in my mind. It had been less than a year since Jasper had slipped up, killing a young woman who came close to our home, could he have done it again? _But how did the police know we were involved._

"It's worse this time," Edward told me. We had arrived home. Alice met us at the front door. There was none of her usual perkiness and her face was distraught. Quickly, she ushered us all inside.

"We've got thirty minutes before the police come," she told us. "I can't see much else. There are too many decisions to be made." She look unnerved, no doubt by the lack of clarity in her visions.

"OK," I said. "What's happened?"

"Jasper attacked a girl at school." After his last 'slip-up' Jasper had been insistent he could cope with returning to school. Though he never said it, I got the feeling he didn't want us to view him as 'weak', he wanted to prove he could be just like any of us, instead of accepting his own limitations.

"We tried to stop him," Edward said. "Unfortunately one of the humans saw us nearby just before the body was discovered, making us prime suspects."

"Why didn't you dispose of the body?" I asked, surprised by their carelessness.

"Not enough time," Alice answered. "We were surrounded by humans." I nodded sympathetically at her, showing I understood. "What are we going to do now?" Alice asked. It was not a question I'd ever heard her ask before, but since no one had made a decision yet, she couldn't see what the outcome would be yet. Three faces turned to look at me. I realized why there had been no decision yet – they had been waiting for me. I was just as panicked as the rest of my family, but I knew I had to keep it together for them, and step up to my place as their leader and father.

"We go north. Up to Canada, perhaps Denali. Do we have any problems at the border, Alice?" If she foresaw anything we would just have to dump the cars in the forest and sneak across.

She shook her head. "No. Not if we set off fast. Human news doesn't travel that fast."

"Has everyone packed?" Esme asked.

"Just the important stuff – maximum three boxes like you said. I did yours and Carlisle's for you," Alice replied.

"We'll take three cars. I'll drive one. Edward can drive another, and Rosalie can drive the third," I announced. "Alice, where's Jasper?"

"Upstairs in our room."

"I want you two to travel with Esme and me. Edward, we'll put most of the boxes in your car. Alice, how much time left?"

"If we want a guarantee the humans won't catch us, about ten minutes."

"Edward, you, Rosalie, and Emmett go load the cars," I ordered. Edward nodded and left without a word. Alice, Esme, and myself all went upstairs as well, but to Alice and Jasper's room. Jasper stood by the window, staring out of it.

"Jasper," I said gently.

"You want me to leave, I expected as much," he said monotonously, without turning around.

"No one wants you to leave," I told him.

"I told you so," Alice said, walking over to stand beside him. She gently took one of his hands in hers. "We need to go now." Wordlessly, Jasper allowed Alice to lead him out of the room, his eyes firmly on the ground. But still I saw the telltale red in them. Esme and I shared a look, but we both knew talking to him would have to wait. We needed to leave, and now.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I mentally breathed a sigh of relief as we crossed the Canadian border without a problem. We stopped a few miles later for Alice and Jasper to get back in the car. Since Jasper eyes were a dark red we decided it was better if Alice and him got out of the car and snuck across the border. Jasper got into the car without a word, his eyes firmly on his lap. Not once this entire drive had here truly looked at any of us, even Alice. Nor had he spoke, simply nodding or shaking his head whenever any of us addressed him. About an hundred miles into Canada, I sent a mental message to Edward telling him to pull over. I pulled up at the side of the road, and Edward did the same. As we were getting out, Rosalie's car pulled up behind us.

"Why are we stopping?" Rosalie asked as she got out of the car.

"We need to decide where we want to go from here. It would probably be best for us to avoid human contact for a while. And probably best to separate and use different names for a short while once we do rejoin the human world," I told them all.

"Denali?" Esme suggested.

"I was thinking that too, but I wouldn't want to encroach on their lives too much. There are seven of us now. You'd need to expand our house up there substantially."

"You know I never turn down a project," Esme joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn't work.

"So, what does everyone else think?" I asked. They all shrugged and made non-committal noises. "Well, does anyone have any better ideas?" This was greeted with more silence.

"Is there bears in Alaska?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, Emmett," I replied exasperatedly. That was the least of our problems right now.

"Alaska sounds good then," he replied cheerily. When no one else spoke up I realized that was the only opinion I was going to get. Alice's face glazed over for a second.

"Denali it is then," she said, obviously my decision had just shown her where we were going.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"You have to talk to him, please," Alice asked us pleadingly. I was sat with Esme in the living room of our newly expanded house in Denali. We knew instantly whom she meant – Jasper. Ever since his most recent slip up he had retreated further back into himself, barely communicating with any of us, and spending most of his days holed up in his room. All the effort we had made to try and include him in our family had been undone; he had gone back to being as distant as he had been at the start. Esme and myself had decided it was best to leave him to Alice; she would be the only one he would listen to. Even beforehand, it had sometimes felt like he still didn't see himself as a part of this family, even after six years. But we hoped he would listen to his wife.

"Of course, dear. If you want us too," Esme said gently. Alice nodded.

"Please. Nothing I say seems to get through to him." Together we went upstairs and knocked on the door to Alice and Jasper's room.

"Jasper?" I called quietly. "Can we come in?"

"I suppose so," he replied monotonously. We walked in to find Jasper lying on his bed, eyes trained to the ceiling.

"Can we talk to you, please?" Esme asked kindly. Jasper sat up and he looked at us. His eyes were pitch black.

"Jasper, when was the last time you hunted?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Canada," he finally supplied. _Has he not gone hunting since we all went in Canada? Had Alice not managed to convince him to go with her?_

"Starving yourself won't help. If this is supposed to be some sort of self-enforced penance, it's not required from you."

"Stop that!" he shouted.

"Stop what?"

"The pity, and the sympathy, and the goddamn parental love. I've killed someone." He shook his head. "Admittedly that's hardly a first for me," he added bitterly. "But you've had to drag your entire family across a continent because of me. You can't go back to your normal lives because the bloody FBI is currently looking for you. All because of me, because I'm weak, and I don't belong here. So how the Hell can you come into this room and start treating me like I'm your son?"

"You know what the main thing about being a parent is, Jasper?" Esme asked. She continued without giving him a chance to answer. "You love your children unconditionally. It was an honest mistake on your part. And just you know that no matter what happens, we will always see you as a part of this family."

"If I hadn't been so insistent that I could cope," he muttered.

"No one is to blame," I said forcefully. "Now, why don't you let Alice take you for a hunt?"

As if on cue, Alice appeared in the doorway.

"Please, Jasper," she begged. Slowly, Jasper stood up, and Alice gently interlocked their hands.

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered to her.

"There's nothing to forgive," Alice replied. "Let's go." She began to lead Jasper out of the room. 'Thank you' she mouthed over her shoulder at us as she did.

* * *

**I love reviews :)**

**(Yep, that's all I have to say.)**


	73. Isle Esme

**This bit gets rather time jumpy again. As, I admit, I didn't want to spend too long in the period between Alice and Jasper joining in the 1950's, and the events of the actual Saga.**

**So we have jumped fifteen years between the last chapter and this one.**

* * *

1971

_Esme_

I could hear the boat travelling through the water, and could smell the salty ocean air. I just couldn't see past the scarf my husband had tied over my eyes. After decades of living with advanced eyesight, it was disconcerting to be able to see nothing but black. Carlisle had done an expert job at blindfolding me.

The boat seemed to be slowing down ever so slightly, and I wondered once more what my husband was planning. I had thought we were going on holiday for our fiftieth anniversary. That had been confirmed by our flight to Rio de Janeiro – though it had seemed a strange destination choice given our need to avoid sunlight. It could be a nuisance at times. Sometimes I wished I could stroll around the park with my husband, having a sunlight walk, but, of course, that was impossible – unless we wanted to attract a lot of stares.

As the boat slowed some more, I couldn't control myself anymore, and my hands flew to the knot in my scarf.

"No peeking now, Mrs. Cullen," Carlisle shouted from -going off the sound of his voice- the front of the boat, presumably he was steering it. "Just a few more minutes now." My hands let go of the knot, but my excitement only increased.

Finally, the boat came to a stop. I heard Carlisle move, and then he was stood behind me. His hands untied the scarf.

"Happy fiftieth anniversary," he whispered in my ear. I blinked rapidly as the return of my sight overwhelmed me. "Over there," he said, pointing into the distance. I saw the outline of an island rising out of the ocean.

"Is that where we are going?" I asked.

"That, my love, is Isle Esme." It took a moment for what he had just said to impact on me.

"Isle, Isle Esme?" I asked, dumbstruck, turning around to face him. "You named an island after me?" I asked incredulously. "How did you? How did you get them to let you do that?"

"Well, generally, love, they let you name the island when you buy it."

"You bought an island! You own an island!"

"No, darling, _you_ own an island."

"You, you bought me an island?" I asked disbelievingly. I knew by now money wasn't an objection with Carlisle, and I'm certain if I'd wanted to, I could make Carlisle buy me anything. But still, an island!

Carlisle was watching my reaction carefully.

"Don't, don't you like it?" he asked me hesitantly.

"Do, do I like it? Of course I like it, you silly man. You bought me an island! An island!" I pretty much threw myself at him. My lips were kissing his passionately, and my legs were hooked around his waist while he held me up.

"I take it that's a yes then?" Carlisle teased. My only response was to kiss him again. Carlisle chuckled at my enthusiastic response. "I want to show you island first, love." I disentangled my limbs from around his body and he led me to the front of the boat. I stood next to him as he started the boat up again, and watched with fascination as the island came close. _My island!_ I reminded myself disbelievingly.

Carlisle helped me off the boat once we had docked at the island.

"The house is a little run down, but I know how much you enjoy a project," he told me. I smiled.

"That I do." I followed him to a small house in the middle of the island. Like he'd said, it was a little run down, but with a bit of work it would look lovely. My mind instantly began to plan what I could do to it.

Carlisle placed our bags down in one of the bedrooms.

"This is amazing. Thank you, love," I told him, pulling him to me for another kiss

"Shall we go look at the beach then?" he asked me.

"Won't the sun come up?" I asked. Carlisle smiled.

"You know one of the reasons I bought this island? Because it gives us a place we can truly be ourselves, away from human eyes."

"We can go out in the sun?" I asked disbelievingly. Carlisle nodded. "I've never been to a beach before," I admitted.

"Well, let's get changed, and rectify that as soon as possible." He pointed to one of the bags. "Alice packed that for you."

"Alice packed it?" I asked with trepidation. There was no arguing my youngest daughter had impeccable taste, and I had benefited very much from her fashion advice over the years (especially the items which were given to me with the words 'Carlisle will love this,'), but we still could have very different tastes at time. I opened the suitcase to find a lot of what looked like undergarments, it took me a second to realize what they actually were – bikinis. Smiling to myself at my daughter's antics, I picked up the least skimpy set and quickly got changed.

Carlisle finished changing into his swim shorts and smiled appreciatively when he turned round to see me.

"Beach?" he asked.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The sun came out as we were stood at the shore.

"This is so weird," I admitted.

Carlisle walked into the water, but turned around when he noticed I was still hesitating on the shore.

"It's not going to hurt you, love," he joked, holding out his arm for me. I took hold of it and hesitantly stepped into the sea. Then I giggled. "See, nothing to worry about," Carlisle said as I went a little deeper.

"I wasn't worried," I lied jokingly.

"You were a little bit, love." In one quick movement I splashed my husband.

"Wasn't."

"Esme Cullen, I am so getting you back for that." Carlisle mock glared at me, dripping wet. My only response was to splash him again, and then to run back to the shore. We both laughed as Carlisle chased me down the beach. I allowed my husband to get close to me several times, before skilfully dodging out of the way. Eventually I felt my husband's strong arm around my waist.

"Caught you," he whispered in my ear, before nibbling gently at my earlobe. He then began to trail kisses down my neck, leaving a lingering kiss on the scar there. I turned myself around to face him, trailing my hands through his wet hair while I kissed him vigorously. I looked at his skin glistening in the sunlight, and a sudden idea occurred to me. Gently, I pushed him down onto the sand, straddling his body.

"I want to try something," I told him saucily, I started trailing kisses slowly down his chest. A sudden desire had filled me. I wanted to see what it would be like to make love to my husband in the sun, with both our bodies glittering in the sunlight while we pleasured each other.

"Whatever you want, darling."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"So?" Carlisle asked me, stroking my hair as I lay with my head on his chest afterward. "Does this make up for fifty years of terrible anniversary present buying?" I giggled.

"I suppose so," I said with faked exasperation. Carlisle chuckled. "How long can we stay here?" I asked.

"As long as we want, love. We'll need to go back to the mainland to hunt occasionally."

"What about the children?" I asked.

"Alice says they manage to get by without killing each other for a short while." I laughed. "Oh, and she'll pass on the message that Emmett is in no way to destroy your sofa if he wishes to survive your return." I laughed some more.

"A couple of weeks of peace does sound nice," I admitted. Much as I loved my children, it was nice to have some time just the two of us.

"Then a couple of weeks of peace you shall get."

* * *

**Pure indulgent fluff – I'll admit it.**

**For those of you who were enjoying the Alice and Jasper stuff, don't worry; there are still some more chapters to come from them.**

**According to my rough plan there is four chapters left of Part Four. And then Part Five is about Bella and the events of the actual Saga. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. (And I know I'm behind on replies, I've just been absorbed in writing whenever I'm on the laptop. I've still read them all from my iPod though, so don't think I'm not reading them - I am.)**


	74. Unclear Future

**Updated 26/03/11**

* * *

1987

_Alice_

I kept repeating the unclear visions, watching them over and over again. Something terrible was possibly going to happen to my family. Not for a long time though, the visions were still distant, hazy. Clearly there were still a lot of decisions to be made between now and then. And yet something wonderful was going to happen as well. I drew up some of the other visions I'd had today, each one of our entire family smiling and laughing joyously, even Edward, who looked the happiest I'd ever seen him. Somehow, today, a course of events had begun, but there were too many decisions that had to be made before I would see the full picture of what was going to transpire.

"Alice?" Jasper's voice brought me back to the present. "What's going on?"

"Something's started, Jazz. It's too far in the future for me to see properly. Something brilliant's going to happen, but possibly something terrible too."

"What started the visions off to begin with?" he asked. He was used to probing me about my visions by now.

"Carlisle. He's trying to decide where to take Esme on holiday. Somehow, it's important." I had been watching Carlisle swap destinations: Europe, South America, Africa, and Australia. He'd been considering everywhere. He suddenly begin to consider taking her to Asia instead. He seemed to like this idea, concentrating on its possibilities long enough for me to get a decent vision of what said possibilities were. I smiled as I watched Esme's enchanted face as she stared in awe at the majestic Taj Mahal. She sat on the bench in front of it for hours with her sketch pad, surrounded by her pencils, as she worked painstakingly to try and reproduce the beauty onto her pad. Carlisle sat by her side patiently, content just to watch his wife in her element.

"I think I may go and tell Carlisle that India seems to be the best dest-"

_The sun glittered off both the snow on the ground and Esme's face. It was the only skin she had on show and the colourful and bright twinkles contrasted with the all-black outfit she wore. Her long black dress trailed to the floor, the hem of it was wet from being dragged through the snow. Over it she wore a black jacket and black silk gloves. Her hair was turned up, and if she had been wearing a cap she would have looked like the perfect picture of a Victorian widow. Even the look on her face fit with this description. It was a look of pure devastation. _

_In her hands she clutched a bouquet of forget-me-nots._

_Silently, she began to sob. She feel to her knees oblivious to the snow, seemingly unable to control her grief. After several minutes of this heart-breaking sorrow pouring out of her she seemed to compose herself slightly. She placed the flowers onto the floor with the utmost care and then shakily she stood up again. She softly smoothed the lines of her dress out, but she was staring straight in front of her as she did, as if her mind was somewhere else entirely. She gave a little whimper and seemed on the verge of breaking down again, before taking a deep breath to compose herself once more. Her eyes drifted once more to the blue flowers that stood out so brightly in contrast to the snow._

"_Good, goodbye," she whispered tenderly, her voice quivered as she said the word. "I'll always love you." _

_She seemed to look around the space surrounding her, as if looking for someone who wasn't there._

"_All of you," she added softly._

_She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She managed to project so much misery into just that one sound. Opening her eyes once more, she pulled the glove off of her left hand and began stroking the two rings on her third finger devotedly. Then she pulled a thin, gold chain out from under her dress, attached to it was a delicate, engraved ring that she kissed tenderly. Carlisle's wedding ring. The ring tumbled out of her hand as she began to sob once more, falling to rest against the soft black cotton of her dress where it sparkled in the sun just like her face did._

_The way her face glittered created the illusion that there were actual tears trickling down it to match the action of her desperate sobbing, which had started up again in abundance and appeared to be beyond her control._

"_I can't do this," she whispered dejected as she broke down once more. She placed her head into her hands -one gloved, the other not as its glove lay forgotten on the floor where she had dropped it. _

"_I can't be strong," she muttered into her hands desolately as she cried tearlessly into them. Suddenly, she thrust her head out of her hands, staring upwards into the sky._

"_I need you," she shouted up at the sky, pleading despairingly. "I need you back. Please. Please."_

The vision cut off as suddenly as it had begun. I sat frozen, trying to process what I had seen.

"Alice? Alice?" Jasper was frantically calling my name. I knew I had to respond soon but I didn't know what to say. How could I put into mere words the haunting image of Esme I had just seen. Or what it suggested had happened to our father.

"_All of you."_ The Esme in my vision had whispered those words so softly, so tenderly that it would have broke the hardest of hearts.

_All of us._ What had happened to us all?

"Alice!" Jasper was shouting now. "Alice!"

The door crashed open.

"What the hell has she seen?" I heard Rosalie's voice ask.

"I don't know," Jasper muttered fearfully.

"Alice? Alice, dear?" Esme was now by my side, calling my name softly. I saw in my mind once more the hauntingly beautiful widow in a snow-covered field.

_Widow._

"Alice?" Carlisle was stood by his wife, looking at me anxiously.

_Widow. Carlisle was dead._

"Alice!" Even Rosalie was panicked now.

"_All of you." All of us were dead._

"Sorry," I finally managed to snap out of my shock to reply.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked urgently.

"Noth, nothing," I stammered.

"Didn't seem like nothing," Rosalie scoffed.

"Alice, if something bad is going to happen then it's best just to tell us. We need to know," Esme told me gently. I knew I couldn't do that. There was no need to worry her over a future that would not happen. I had visions all the time that did not come true – someone changed their mind, a different decision was undertaken, and their path changed.

This vision would be one of them. I had changed the course of people's lives before using my visions (including my own and Jasper's) and I would do it again now.

There was no other alternative. This was one vision that could not be allowed to come true.

I faked a smile. "You know how temperamental my visions are. It's changed now. Nothing to worry about."

Rosalie looked at me sceptically, as did Carlisle and Esme, though they did at least seem to be trying to hide it. I thanked my lucky stars that Edward was out hunting with Emmett.

Jasper was watching me carefully. I would have to tell him the truth, no doubt. I actually felt relieved by this realization, I wouldn't have to deal with this on my own.

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

I nodded. "I know my own visions, Carlisle," I joked cheerfully. This forced cheerfulness seemed to relax all three of them.

"In that case I'm going back to watching my show," Rosalie announced before leaving the room.

"Well, if you're sure you're okay, Alice, I'll get back to my planting," Esme said, looking at me worryingly.

"I'm fine," I reassured her.

She kissed me gently on the head before leaving the room, Carlisle following her. I couldn't help but remember her grief-stricken face from my vision as I watched the pair of them leave.

I turned my attention back to my husband, who was rubbing his throat as he often did when he needed to hunt badly.

"Would you mind coming for a quick hunt with me, darlin'?" he asked quietly. I knew he really wanted to go and talk out of our family's earshot, and he knew that I knew.

"Of course," I replied softly. Without further ado we made our way quickly and quietly downstairs and out the backdoor. Our back garden backed straight onto the forest for this very purpose.

I heard Esme giggle as we entered the garden. She was sat in her hand and knees in the dirt tending to her flowers. Carlisle, who had given up on his holiday searching for now, was sat on the grass beside her, teasing her lovingly. They both waved at us as we entered the garden before turning their attention back to the flowerbed.

"So what are we planting this year?" Carlisle asked her. I tuned out as Esme begin listing flowers. Her voice carried on the wind as we entered the outskirts of the forest and I came to a sudden halt when she said,

"And forget-me-nots, of course."

The blue flowers that stood out so well on the snowy ground they'd been placed on flashed into my mind.

"My favourite," Carlisle replied happily. "A flower that stands for true love."

"And remembrance," Esme added. "I still stick with the fact they stand for truly loving the dead, which makes this whole thing a little morbid." I could tell from her tone that she was teasing him. This seemed to be a conversation they'd had before.

"Technically dear, you are dead," Carlisle replied. Esme had no comeback but I could imagine fully well the glare she giving him without looking into a vision.

"OK, OK, I just think they're pretty," Carlisle admitted causing Esme to laugh merrily.

"Truly loving the dead," I murmured to myself.

"_I'll always love you_." That was what the Esme in my vision had said as she laid the flowers on the ground.

"Alice, what's going on?" Jasper asked cautiously. I nodded my head into the forest to indicate we should move further away from the house.

We ran a minute longer until I came to a halt. Jasper looked at me expectantly, though I could see the concern that was clear in his eyes too. I had no doubt my emotions had been worrying him none stop for the last ten minutes.

"Alice, what did you see?" he asked once more.

"I saw Esme as a widow," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

"A widow?" Jasper repeated unbelievingly. "What, what happened to Carlisle?"

I shook my head, clueless. I couldn't see the link. I thought about the other visions I'd had today. Some of them had had a similar feel to them, of loss and devastation, but they had been too blurry to understand. And they contrasted completely with the other blurry visions I'd had, of happiness and celebration. Something, someone, some decision, somewhere in the distant future, could either bring us untold joy or great sorrow.

"Does something happen in India?" Jasper asked. While I had been lost in my earlier visions, he had been thinking things through logically. The vision of the widowed Esme had been triggered when I decided to tell Carlisle to go to India.

"No," I told Jasper. "It's not for a long time yet. There's no certainty. Too many decisions between now and then can change. We have to make the right ones. If we do, something great, something unbelievable is going to happen."

"Like what?" he asked curiously.

I chuckled. "I wish I could tell you. But you of all people know how much of an inexact science this is. Just visions of our family happy, that's all I'm getting. Something is happening or going to happen soon. Something is falling into place right now and how it turns out seems to mean the difference between all our family celebrating or Esme grieving for us all."

"For us all?" Jasper questioned.

"That's what she said," I told him sadly. "Goodbye. I'll always love you. All of you," I repeated. My monotonous re-telling in no way showed the grief and horror behind those three little sentences the way Esme's loving murmurings had.

"We need to think about possible triggers," Jasper remarked, getting into his strategic mode. This was how Jasper dealt with problems, with logic and thought, trying to ignore the emotions behind them. Which I always told him was rather ironic for an empath.

"The only real decisions I've been watching today is Carlisle trying to choose holiday destinations. I don't see how that can make such a difference," I told him. "Though it would help if he could make his mind up long enough for to actually see how each destination turns out," I muttered in frustration.

"Surely there's something else," Jasper insisted.

I sighed exasperatedly.

Just then, almost as if by command, another vision hit.

"_She's beautiful." The young woman held her tiny bundle close to her. __She didn't look like she was old enough to be a mother. She appeared barely out of her teens, and, despite the fact she appeared to have a child herself, there was still a child-like aura surrounding her, from her wild curls to her wide, trusting eyes._

_The man beside her looked at the baby __and the__ love and adoration __he had for the girl was__ obvious in his eyes._

"_That she is, Renee. That she is. Our daughter, can you believe it?" He gently kissed the baby's forehead, and then her mother. Renee shook her head in disbelief in answer to his question._

"_It's hard to believe we created something so perfect," she murmured. "We need a name. I still like-"_

"_No," her husband cut her off, even though he was laughing. "Absolutely not. A girl this beautiful deserves a beautiful name." He thought for a moment. "Beautiful," he murmured. "I have an idea."_

"Alice?" Once more Jasper was calling my name and I pulled myself out of the vision.

"It makes no sense," I complained, unable to hid my frustration.

"What'd you see this time, darlin'?" Jasper asked.

I flopped down onto the grass in exasperation and he sat down beside me, hugging me close to him.

"A baby girl. A human baby girl. And I'm certain, I'm certain she has something to do with the rest of it. But what, what can a human baby have to do with our family, and our possible happiness and/or deaths, and Carlisle and Esme's bloody holiday?"

Having left Esme to her gardening, Carlisle had once more returned to searching through holiday brochures. I would have laughed at the fact he had a flower still stuck through his hair, no doubt placed there by Esme, except it was a blue forget-me-not, and the colour stuck out in the light blond of his hair the same way it did against the white of snow.

I focused once more on Carlisle's destination choices – he had narrowed it down to either Europe or Africa, but that still left him with many, many different choices.

"I really wish Carlisle could stick with a decision long enough to actually let me see the visions attached to it properly," I muttered again in frustration.

"Well, apparently you deciding where to tell him to go caused you to have a proper vision," Jasper commented. "You could try it again to see if you can see the side-effects of each decision better," he suggested.

"Worth a try, I suppose," I agreed, half-heartened. It never seemed to work that well when I tried to bend my visions to my own will. Often I was shown things I didn't understand at the time or supposedly random things, but I believed that my visions almost had a will of their own, showing me things that I needed to see. The main component behind that belief was of course the fact that my visions had led me to Jasper and my family.

Much to my surprise, Jasper's method seemed to work. As Carlisle debated each country, I decided I would go tell him to take Esme there. The first three countries I was greeted with the same haunting image of Esme in mourning.

"That's it," I shouted as I watched the vision for their trip to Ireland play out. Though I still didn't understand how it all linked up or why it was going to have such a big impact on our lives, I now knew what outcome I was looking to achieve. I explained it quickly to Jasper and then continued to go through Carlisle's list of possible countries in the same way till I had the three that he and Esme had to go to so as to somehow prevent a future catastrophe.

"England, Ireland, and Egypt," I told Carlisle, going straight up to his office as soon as we arrived home. He smiled gratefully at me.

"Thanks, Alice. I take it that's where Esme enjoys best?" I had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes. _Esme enjoys herself no matter where you take her. You could take her to a nuclear wasteland and she'd still enjoy herself if she was with you. _Of course, I didn't say any of that out loud thought. I simply nodded, smiled, and left the room.

I thought once more of the human baby girl. I had no idea why I had seen her, only that she must one day become important to me. For that was why my visions showed random people to me, just like they had with Jasper and the Cullens.

As I went back to my room and allowed myself to relax into my husband's embrace, I thought about how it was no use being psychic when the future was so undecided, and comforted myself with the thought that'd I done all I could for now. Hopefully, I had prevented the tragic future I had foreseen. I tried to shake the image of the grieving Esme out of my head, and told myself I would not think of it again. It had been prevented. It won't happen, I told myself forcefully. Also, there was no need to worry Edward once he got home.

Then I wondered once again who that baby would grow to be, and why she would have such a profound effect on my family.

* * *

**Any guesses who the baby is? (Sarcasm btw, I sincerly hope you have all guessed.) **

**I love reviews :)**


	75. Vampire Meet & Greet

1987

_Carlisle_

We were stood on the Giant's Causeway. It had just turned dawn, there was enough light for us to truly admire it, but the cloud cover shielded us from the sun's betraying rays.

"It's fascinating," my wife murmured, staring at the strange structure. I had to agree with her. She took a step further towards the edge and I wrapped my arm around her protectively. I heard her 'tut', but I did not see the eye roll that was sure to have accompanied it. I was too busy staring at the stones around me.

We had stood there for a long time, simply enjoying the moment together. When I caught the scent of vampires on the breeze. I turned to Esme, whose brow was furrowed in confusion. Automatically going into defensive mode, I scanned the land around us for the sign of any other of the kind. Three of them appeared in front of us. There was a woman, who gave an aura of great presence, and I immediately sensed she was the leader, and a man who was looking at us, hard-faced. They were clearly mates. There was also a smaller younger-looking woman whose main feature were her bouncy red curls. She was not as physical intimidating as the other two.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" the leader demanded.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen, and this is my wife, Esme. We mean no harm – we're only here for a holiday."

"Yeah, right," the male sneered.

"No. He's telling the truth," the younger woman said. The two mates turned to look at her incredulously, but didn't argue with her.

"A holiday?" the leader asked. "Like humans go on. We're do you come from?"

"America. We're currently staying in Oregon."

"Currently. So you move around. Your nomads," the leader said to us.

"In a way. We live in a place for as many years as we can without the humans getting suspicious."

"If you feed sensibly, the humans should not get suspicious," she told us with disdain.

"We do not feed off humans. We only drink from animals."

"Again, he's telling the truth," the younger woman said. I gathered she had some form of talent.

The older woman laughed. "You are an interesting pair," she said. "My name is Siobhan. This is my mate, Liam, and Maggie."

"It's lovely to meet you," Esme said with a smile. Siobhan smiled back – I have yet to meet anyone, either human or vampire, who doesn't smile back when Esme does that sweet dimpled smile at them.

"I'm intrigued," Siobhan admitted. "If you follow us back to our current residence, I would like to find out more about you."

"Of course," I agreed amiably. We followed the three of them to a run down shack in the middle of the countryside.

"Siobhan keeps hoping we'll come home to suddenly find this house all fixed it, but it's more than serviceable for what we need," Liam told me.

"You know it could be easily fixed up," Esme told Siobhan. "A few tiles, a couple of planks of wood, and lots of paint."

"And where we would find these things?" Siobhan asked sceptically.

"Well, I'm sure there's a hardware store nearby." Esme had that glint in her eyes she wore whenever she had a new project. "I could go with you to buy what you need."

"I think I would stick out with these eyes," Siobhan joked.

"Oh, yes," Esme mumbled. "Well, I could go alone," she announced, perking up again. "I can go this evening if you want."

Liam looked at me sideways.

"Is she being serious?" he asked me in an undertone. I nodded, unable to contain my smile. He turned to his mate. "Looks like you will get the renovation you wished for."

"Of course she will, she wished for it," Maggie chimed in.

Siobhan sighed and rolled her eyes. "Don't start that again. Shall we go in." She gestured into the rundown building. We stepped into a bare room. Esme eyed the place critically.

"Deary me," she said. "Would you like me to go to the furniture store too?"

"What do vampires need furniture for?" Siobhan asked.

"I just think it might brighten the place up." Siobhan and Liam both looked at Esme in bemusement.

"She's being completely genuine. She does think furniture would brighten the place up," Maggie said.

"I think," Siobhan began slowly, "we have a lot to learn about each other."

We stood and talked for a while. We told them about our lives back in America, and while all three still looked bemused, they were not scornful. I had come into contact with a few traditional vampires since leaving Volterra and travelling to the New World. When they learned of my lifestyle some respected my decision, even while admitting they could never live that way themselves, and others sneered at it. The Irish coven appeared to fall into the former category. I had long learned that if I (and now my family) weren't going to be complete outcasts in the wider vampire community, we had learn to get along with those who respected our way of life, even while not practising it themselves.

"There are seven of you?" Siobhan asked when we mentioned our children.

"You must be the largest coven outside the Volturi," Liam commented. I had never thought about it until now, but realized he was probably right.

Siobhan scrutinized me. "And you have no desire to use the strength of your cov-, family to overthrow others?"

"No, of course not," I replied, amazed by the very idea.

"He doesn't," Maggie backed me up. I turned to look at her. "I can tell when people are lying," she explained to me. "And everything you've said since we first met you has been nothing but the truth."

"Extraordinary," Siobhan muttered and Liam nodded his agreement. Then she turned to Esme. "So about this house…"

"Oh, I can fix it up in a week, tops," Esme told her confidently.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"You, Esme Cullen, have a talent," Siobhan said, looking at the refurbished house.

"Oh, you're too kind," Esme replied modestly. I smiled at the familiar look on her face; the one I knew meant she would have been bright red if she had still been human. It always reminded me of sixteen-year-old Esme.

"Will you two be off soon then?" Siobhan asked.

"The ferry for England leaves tomorrow," I said. I was both excited and apprehensive to return to the country of my birth. The closest I had been since 1678 was when the boat to the New World docked there to load for a short while. "We should be leaving soon, love," I said to Esme.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you," Siobhan told us. "And thank you for all the help on the house," she said to Esme. Liam and Maggie came out of the house to join in the goodbyes.

"I have to say I've never been around vampires who lie so little. Actually I don't think either of you have lied all week. Unless you count Carlisle telling Esme he could tell the difference between two identical shades of paint," Maggie told us. I smiled sheepishly as Esme turned around and tapped my arm in retribution.

"Yes, you certainly are an interesting pair," Liam said. The two of us shook hands while Esme hugged Siobhan and Maggie goodbye. We begin to walk away – we would run once we had left the clearing their house was in.

"Come back and visit anytime you want," Siobhan shouted after us. "Preferable just as the house begins to fall down again."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Esme leaned her head on my shoulder as we watched the shores of England get closer.

"Well, I've had a good time so far," she told me.

"You've spent most of it refurbishing. The idea was to get away from my job and your projects for a short while." Esme turned to look at me.

"If you saw an injured person would you just walk away?" she asked.

"Of course not."

"Well, it's like that for me and a falling down house." I chuckled at my wife.

"I love you, you know that," I whispered to her gently.

"Hmmm," she said, pretending to think. "I think you've mentioned that before." I tilted my wife's head up to mine before gently brushing my lips against mine.

"What about now?" I teased. "Is that helping your memory?"

She nodded, before moving her lips the half an inch needed to meet mine. Once our lips had separated she pointed back to the land.

"We're here," she exclaimed happily. "I can't wait to see the place you grew up."

"It'll be very different now, love," I said sadly.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

London had changed. Of course, I had known it would have, I had been watching the world change for centuries, but being in a place I had once known so well the changes struck me more deeply. Even with my flawless memory I wasn't certain I was on the right street, as the one in my memory was so different to the one we walked down. Cobblestones had been replaced with tarmac. Cars whizzed by where horses and carts had once trundled along. Brick, cement, and tiles had replaced wood and thatched roofs.

"Just round this corner," I murmured to my wife. She gave my hand a soft squeeze in support. I wasn't sure what I expected as we walked around the corner, but this street of London looked just as mundane and ordinary as any of the others we'd walked down.

"It was here," I said, stopping outside the house that was built on the same spot I was sure my father's Church had once stood on. "I suppose I shouldn't have truly expected it to be still standing," I said sadly. I known there was a large chance the building would no longer be there, but a part of me had wanted to see this small reminder of where I'd come from.

"We could go to the graveyard, if you want," Esme said to me gently. I shook my head. There was nothing that could be gained by going back there. For it was the same spot I had promised to put my past behind me. I was here now with my wife, whom I loved more than I could ever have imagined. _Rather than searching through the shadows of my past, maybe I should simply enjoy a holiday with my wife._

"Honestly, dear, I'd rather show you around London."

"Can we go see St. Paul's cathedral?" Esme asked excitedly, and I chuckled.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were walking down the alley when the familiar scent of vampire washed over us. He came out of nowhere.

"Carlisle," he said in greeting. I recognized the strange vampire I had once seen in the forests of Italy, at that moment in time he claimed to be getting pulled away from Volterra, and warned me to do the same. I had attempted to get more out of him, but he had not wanted to talk

"Alistair," I said to him.

"Who's this?" he asked, his eyes on Esme.

"This is my wife, Esme."

"Somehow, I'm being drawn to you, and pushed away." he said. "I have to go now." And he was gone.

"Well, that was strange," Esme commented from beside me.

"Alistair is a strange fellow. Weird thing is, I'm probably the closest vampire acquaintance he has."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Aren't they amazing?" Esme asked, staring at the pyramids in awe. I stood next to her with what I was sure was a similar expression on my face, looking at the large looming structures in the last throes of twilight – Egypt's sunny weather meant this was the only time we could come. I had seen a lot of human achievements over the centuries, but to see something so awe inspiring that I knew to be older than me, older even than the Masters of the Volturi with their millenniums of existence, and to think it had built by human hands alone, without the help of any sort of technology, not even the wheel.

Esme pulled out her camera and began taking pictures. I just continued to stare in amazement, humbled by these giant human structures that dwarfed me in both age and size.

As we returned to the city, we recognized once more the scent of vampires. It was strong, whoever it was nearby, probably spying on us.

"Whoever's there," I whispered quietly, knowing they would still hear me. "We are not here to encroach your territory. We will be gone in a couple of days and we will not touch any of your humans while we are here." I hated to refer to humans as belonging to the vampires, but I knew it was how others of my kind viewed them.

"Who are you?" a voice said, trying to sound menacing. A male vampire came out of the shadows. I could sense that there was another still hiding in the shadows.

"Carlisle Cullen, and this is my wife, Esme."

"Your wife?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, my wife," I replied defiantly.

"So, what are you and your … wife doing here?"

"We came to see the pyramids."

"Ah, the pyramids. They're a great lure for silly humans. No one thinks much to a missing tourist or two." His eyes narrowed at me. "So you have been hunting in our territory," he said threateningly.

"No. We came simply to see the pyramids, like the humans do. You do not have to fear any threats to your territory from us. We do not feed off humans." He looked at us incredulously.

"I don't believe you," he said simply. I pointed to my eyes – their golden hues proof of my words.

"That is why our eyes aren't the same shade as yours," I explained. He scrutinized me for another moment.

"Kebi," he called into the corner. A female came out of the shadows and stood by his side.

"I am Amun, and this is my mate, Kebi."

"It's nice to meet you," Esme said, smiling sweetly. Kebi just nodded at her.

The conversation continued in this fashion. Amun and I talked, while Esme occasionally interjected into the conversation, and Kebi said nothing. Every time Esme spoke Amun looked at her in surprise.

"It was nice to meet you," he finally said. "You will be gone in two days, right?"

"Yes," I confirmed.

"I suppose we can share our _fauna_ until then." We shook hands and then him and his mate were gone.

"Well, this is certainly turning into an interesting trip," Esme commented.

"That it is," I agreed.

"What was wrong with that woman?" Esme asked, looking concerned.

"It's quite possible she's originally from a time period where women were supposed to be seen and not heard, and she's never learned to move past that idea."

"How awful," Esme muttered. She seemed to be deep in thought. "You know better than to expect me to act like that, don't you?" Her voice took on a playful threatening tone at the end.

"Of course, love," I agreed. She captured my lips for a quick kiss.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

All five of our children came to meet us in the driveway. Alice squealed and hugged us both as soon as we got out of the car. Emmett began firing questions at us about our trip. Edward, Rosalie, and Jasper all simply smiled at us. Alice grabbed hold of Esme's hand and began to pull her towards the house. Across the living room there was a large banner proclaiming 'Welcome Back Mom & Dad." There was only one person who could be behind it.

"Thanks, Alice," I told her.

"Did you get us any presents?" Emmett asked. Esme faked surprise and began stuttering apologies.

"Back seat," Alice and Edward said in unison, causing me to laugh. As lovely as the time alone with my wife had been, it was nice to see my children again.

Once Alice returned, the boxful of clothes purchased in London's Oxford Street in her hands, I pulled her slightly over to the side.

"Alice, why did you send us on a vampire meet and greet session?"

"Because it's important someday. Even though I don't know why yet."

"Then thank you," I told her. I knew Alice would only ever do what she believed best for our family.

* * *

**You all managed to unravel the riddle and figure out who our mystery baby was ... Jessica Stanley, of course! I kid, I kid**

**Argh, this was another of those chapters that did not want to be wrote - but I enjoyed it anyhow.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	76. Maria

**Updated 03/05/11**

* * *

1995

_Jasper_

Alice's face glazed over and then suddenly her emotions spiked.

"Alice?" I called urgently, darting to her side.

"Maria," she managed to stammer. I felt panic rise in both us. "She's coming here."

_Why would Maria come here of all places? _

"What? When?" I asked frantically. I had not seen Maria since I had left her in the South all those decades ago, and I had no desire to do so.

"Tomorrow. She's learned about you being here. She wants to get you to join her again." She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice but I, of course, could feel her worry and sadness.

"I will never join her again," I said forcefully.

"I know," Alice told me comfortingly, and I felt a little of her worry evaporate. "I know," she repeated, stroking my arm reassuringly. "I need to tell Carlisle and the others."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were all sat anxiously in the living room – Alice had said Maria would be here in ten minutes. My family were all trying to act normal but I could tell they were worried and nervous. Alice sat leaning against my legs, trying to hide her anxiety from me, as if I couldn't tell.

When Edward's eyes narrowed in the direction of the doorway, I knew she had to be near. Not soon after, the sound of vampire footsteps in the distance broke the uncomfortable silence.

"A house," Maria muttered disbelievingly. We heard her walk up the front steps, muttering in Spanish. She stopped in front of it and I realized she didn't know (or remember) enough about human sensibilities to knock. However, Esme had already moved towards the door and opened it.

"You must be Maria," she said, as polite as she would be to any other guest. "Would you like to come in?"

Esme moved out of the way and I saw Maria for the first time in decades. Her red eyes evidenced she had fed not long ago. She was the complete opposite to the vampire woman she now stood next to. While everything about Esme suggested gentleness and kindness, Maria screamed cruelty and coldness. Her eyes flew across each of the Cullens, before landing on me.

"Jasper," she said with a twisted smile. "It's been a long time. Ever since you ran off with that ungrateful Peter and his worthless newborn companion."

"Peter and Charlotte are my friends," I replied coldly.

"And yet you left them for this new little coven of yours." Her eyes darted around each member of my family as silence fell once more.

"Why don't you take a seat, Miss …" Esme trailed off lamely as she realized I had never told her Maria's last name – indeed, I didn't even know it myself.

Maria laughed harshly at her. "Miss," she snorted disbelievingly. "What use do vampires have for last names? They're nothing more than a remnant left over from a weaker life."

"Well, we still use ours here," Carlisle said calmly, walking over to stand by his wife. Maria turned her attention to him. "Carlisle Cullen," he said, holding out his hand for her to shake. She ignored it. It didn't bother him, but Edward and Emmett both glared at her, and I could feel the anger coming off them.

"So where's this lovely mate of yours I've heard all about?" Maria asked me sarcastically, turning her back on Carlisle and Esme. Alice stepped forward and looked her directly in the eyes. As she was a good half a foot shorter than Maria, she had to jut her chin up to do so.

"That'd be me," she said. Maria eyed her critically, and I thought I felt something akin to jealously off her for a second, followed by anger.

"This is my wife, Alice," I told her defiantly, just daring her to question the wording. I wrapped my arm around Alice's waist, pulling her closer.

"A child bride, how sweet," she mocked. Rosalie hissed furiously at her, I was taken back by the anger coming off her. I actually found myself feeling grateful towards her, for the fact that she would feel so protective of Alice. Maria whipped round to face her instead.

"Careful, girly, I could demolish you so easily," she crooned mockingly. Emmett took a menacing step forward. I saw her appraising his large form.

"You'd make a talented fighter," she told him.

"I think I'll pass," Emmett said. His cheerful tone sounded forced for once. He was still stood protectively in front of Rosalie.

"Why are you here, you bitch?" Rosalie spat at her. "Nobody wants you here." Maria hissed at her once more, getting into her offensive stance. Emmett growled warningly. I attempted to calm the situation. As I did so, Carlisle moved to stand between the three of them.

"I'll have no violence in this house," he said in that calm voice of his that still rang with authority. Maria cackled to herself. Carlisle turned to face her. "I do not support violence. But just know that we will do anything possible to protect _any_ member of our family if we feel they are threatened." I did not miss the way he emphasized 'any', suggesting he was including me. Maria only cackled harder, she was projecting only sheer amusement. She clearly did not see him as a threat.

"Would you like me to show you the guest room now?" Esme asked, still attempting to be polite.

"Guest room," Maria snorted. She turned to look at me. "Well, Jasper, I'll give you one thing – they're certainly amusing."

She turned to Esme. "I don't need a guest room," she said scornfully. I could feel myself growing angry at her attitude towards Esme, and I knew I wasn't the only one. All the other Cullen children were growing angrier by the second as well. Though none of us were as cross as Carlisle – it took a lot to anger Carlisle, but disrespecting Esme was the quickest way.

Oblivious to this, Maria had turned her back on Carlisle and Esme once more. "I just came for a catch up with an old friend. Let's go talk somewhere, Jasper," Maria ordered. All eyes turned to me.

"You can say whatever you want to say in front of my family," I said defiantly. Maria became amused once more.

"Your family. Aww, how twee," she said mockingly. "Come now, Jasper. You're a soldier. A fighter. You don't belong here."

"Well, where do I belong then?" I asked scornfully. "Since I most certainly don't belong with you." I spat the last line out in anger.

The phone ringing broke through the tension in the room. All eyes turned to the ringing appliance.

"I'll get it," Carlisle said. He walked over and began speaking to the person on the other end. We couldn't tell much from his side of the conversation. Once he had put the phone down he realized everyone's attention was still on him. "It was the hospital. They need me for a surgery this afternoon."

"Hospital?" Maria asked incredulously. "Surgery? You're going to do surgery on a human? What kind of vampire are you? Humans are food, nothing more. What do we care if they're ill or die? There's always more to replace them." Maria shook her head once more. "Seriously, Jasper. What are you doing here? Humans are just food remember. Surely you remember the warm trickle of fresh human blood?" she whispered seductively. She had come to stand close to me. Her finger trailed down the side of my throat, while the inside burned at her words. I could feel the anger and disgust coming from all around me, aside from Maria, who was purposefully remembering how ecstatic she felt after every feed. I could feel my control weakening, and weakening.

"Get the hell away from my husband!" Alice growled. Her voice reminded me of whom I had become. I was no longer the man who could be controlled by Maria. I had never seen Alice so angry before – not even when Emmett took to wearing flares in the seventies.

"Leave Maria," I said forcefully. She looked at me like I had attacked her. Rejection washed over her.

"Not until I have what I came for," she purred back. "Come back with my Jasper. We were so happy together." She sent a wave of lust at me, but it had no sway over me now like it used to. Not when I had felt the love that radiated of Alice.

"Leave," I repeated. Her eyes narrowed into two cat-like slits.

"I think Jasper is right. It is time for you to leave," Carlisle announced in the same calm voice as before, walking over to stand by my side

"No," Maria said with a smirk. "I think I'd like to stay a little longer."

"No," Esme said forcefully. "You should leave." Maria cackled scornfully.

"Oh, should I?" she said disdainfully, staring Esme down.

"Yes, you should. I won't have you in my house if your only intention is to hurt my son." Esme stared back without flinching, an admirable feat – I'd never been able to do so.

"Your son?" Maria said incredulously. She turned to me. "Is that what you are now, Jasper. The former feared lieutenant of the most vicious army in the South, now nothing more than a Mommy's boy?"

Rosalie snapped at her before I had a chance to reply. "Which part of leave don't you understand?"

"Aww, do you love your Mommy too?" she crooned at her. Rosalie hissed, and Emmett growled another warning at her.

"Enough. You should leave now," Carlisle ordered.

"I don't take orders from people who spend their lives patching up sickly humans," she said scornfully. "I never thought you would either, Jasper. Come with me, you can be by my side again. My lover. My lieutenant." Again she sent wave after wave of lust at me. Back when I had been her puppet that trick always worked – I had wanted to please my master, in any way possible.

"No, thank you. I'd rather be Alice's husband. And Carlisle and Esme's son." A furious swell of anger washed over me from her, and with one last growl she stormed out of the house. Relief flooded the room from all sides. I turned my attention to my wife – to my surprise she was smiling.

"I never once saw you choosing to leave," she explained.

"How could I?" I whispered back. I pulled her into my arms, sealing her lips to mine. I could have stayed like that forever, but Emmett's booming voice told us to get a room.

"Hypocrite," Alice retorted back at him. Emmett just smiled smugly.

Among all the relief, there was also an overwhelming amount of parental love coming from Carlisle and Esme, though none of us choose to address what I had just said. It had been the first time I had ever called myself their son out loud. I looked over at the pair of them, Carlisle had his arm around Esme's waist, holding her close, and they were talking quietly.

Carlisle was a completely different leader to Maria – that much had been clear from the very first moment I joined the Cullens. Now I began to realize why. Simply put, Carlisle cared for us. His top priority wasn't gaining territory, or settling a vendetta, but making sure everyone in his family was happy. And if for one second he should forget that fact, or lose his way, he had Esme beside him to keep him on the straight and narrow. Maria had no one. No one was there to help Maria in times of trouble. Esme would always be by Carlisle's side no matter what.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It had been Emmett's idea to watch a football match on the television - something to take my mind of things he claimed.

It had been two days since Maria's abrupt arrival and departure, and I had to admit I was still on edge. If there was one thing I knew about Maria, it was that she didn't like not getting exactly what she wanted. The disdain she had showed to the Cullens (inside their own home and their own territory no less) worried me, for it made me think she would not hesitate in planning some form of revenge. After all, she had it more than obvious that she did not see them as any sort of threat, no doubt she thought because of their diet they were weak. I couldn't help but smile with grim satisfication everytime I imagined Maria learning just how powerful the Cullens really were. Not just Alice and Edward with their talents, but the rest as well, who I knew would fight fiercely for their family should they ever have to.

I had just been getting into the match and finally pushing these thoughts from my mind temporarily, when Alice gasped and Edward growled furiously. They were both absoulutely lived all of a sudden - which never meant anything good. Alice had obviously had a vision of something bad.

"That little bitch," Edward spat out angrily.

"Edward," Esme chastised gently, looking up curiously from the book on architecture she was currently reading.

"Alice?" I questioned.

"Maria," she murmured for the second time in two days. Dread filled me once more.

_What has she done? I knew this was coming!_

"I didn't see it until now. We need to phone Carlisle. Oh crap, he left his cell phone in his office!"

"Alice. Alice, what's going on?" Esme asked frantically. All of us were wondering the same question. A hot fury filled me.

_If she dares to do anything to him…_

"Carlisle's patients. She's going to kill some of Carlisle's patients. We can't stop her. It's too late." She was shaking her head in despair.

"What happens next?" I asked.

"She manages to make it look like it's Carlisle's fault," Alice murmured.

"Malpractise?" Esme questioned worriedly. Her book had fallen from her grasp and lay on the floor forgotten. "What happens to him?"

Alice shook her head, biting her lip anxiously. "She, she makes it look like euthanisia. By American law, that's murder." Esme gasped, her hand's covering her mouth. If she could have, I was certain she would have been crying. She was shocked, but mostly upset on her husband's behalf.

"But surely, surely the people at the hospital know that he'd, he'd never kill a patient?" Esme stammered.

Alice's eyes turned downcast as a fresh wave of misery washed over her and Edward answered on her behalf, though he was uncomfortable at having to do so. He was trying to force himself to stay strong and composed - no doubt for his mother's benefit. Perhaps one of Edward's best attributes was his love and loyalty to his parents.

"They think that Carlisle's compassion would make him want to end their pain. That if a patient begged to be killed, he'd give in and comply." Edward's voice was grave. "She certainly knew what she was doing, that's for certain," he muttered bitterly. I had never known him so angry before.

Esme had been vendered speechless. We all had. Everyone's emotions were a swirl. Anger, upset, and disbelief were the main contenders.

All I could think was: t_hat conniving evil bitch!_

"But, but he couldn't," Esme had managed to regain her voice, though she was still stammering. Her emotions were still haywire, too. "Even then. He could never take a life. He would never, never kill."

"We know, Esme," Edward said softly.

"But how, how can they? How can anyone ever think?"

"They don't want to. They find it difficult, but the evidence is substantial," Edward replied gently. "That bitch is good at what she does," he muttered under his breath.

Alice gave a little sniffle. She had been uncharacteristically quiet for the last part of the conversation. I wrapped my arm around her comfortingly and she rested herself into my embrace, though she was still tense. Her eyes weren't really seeing me or any of the others, but were lost in the future.

"Well," Esme said, suddenly. All sadness and shock had been swept aside and replaced with determinedness. "That's not going to happen. We'll simply have to leave town again - it wouldn't be the first time. We'll destory all paper evidence we were ever here and soon enough people will stop talking. Of course, the police will search for us. But how do you launch a search without any evidence that the people you are searching for actually existed? And we'll go to Denali again, like we said we would. We've done it before and we'll do it again. This family's got through worse." Esme's eyes were blazing with her determination, but she was also feeling fiercely protective. I had never seen her like this before - she usually allowed everyone else to make the plans and went along with them. But it would appear that with Carlisle temporarily unavailable to lead us, when push came to shove, Esme (once she had pulled herself together) was more than capable to do so if she felt her family was at risk.

"That's a good plan," Alice agreed. "The phone will ring in a minute. You need to go bail Carlisle out."

"He's actually been arrested?" Emmett exclaimed. Him and Rosalie had said very little so far. He seemed to be trying to surpress a grin.

"Emmett, this isn't funny," Esme snapped. "Edward, while I'm gone you need to go to the hospital, you know what to do. And the rest of you-"

"There's no rush this time, Esme," Alice interrupted. Esme looked at her incredulously. "Carlisle's court date isn't going to be for awhile. They're not exactly expecting us to be able to actually pay the bail. Never mind for that amount of money to not matter to us. We're just lucky they're letting us have bail - thankfully they haven't fully decided what to charge him with yet."

Just then the phone rang. Esme picked it up before it had even finished its first rang.

"How much is the bail money?" Emmett asked Alice curiously.

"Emmett, shut up!" both Alice and Edward snapped at him.

"But-"

"Shut up!" Rosalie chimed in angrily. She was more concerned for Carlisle then I knew she would ever let on.

"Oh, come on, Carlisle's in _jail. _Are you telling me you can't even see the funny side of that? It's not like we don't know that he's getting out of there, thanks to little Miss. Pyschic here."

Rosalie, Edward, and Alice gave tentative smiles at that statement. I couldn't force myself to even fake a smile. After all, I hadn't forgotten the real reason Carlisle was in jail at the moment.

_Because of Maria. And because of me._

Edward sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes at me.

"Don't you go blaming yourself," Alice hissed at me, easily able to realize what I was currently thinking.

Esme had just put the phone down. "I need to go to the jail to get your father," she announced, even though we already knew that.

"Would you like me to come with you, mom?" Edward asked gently.

"Yes. Yes, that might be useful," she muttered distractedly. Her earlier show of strength had melted somewhat since she learned that there was no intermediate danger. If I had to guess I would say she was concentrating once more on the ridiculousness of the notion of someone throwing Carlisle, of all people, in jail for murder. Edward's subtle nod in my direction told me I was right.

Quickly, Edward and Esme gathered the essentials they needed before leaving with a hasty goodbye.

Emmett tried to spark my interest once more in the match that was still on-going on screen, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts to care, as was everyone else. Even Emmett was only faking his interest.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We all turned around as Carlisle walked through the door. Esme and Edward were just behind him.

"I take it you all know?" he asked tiredly, his eyes on Alice.

I felt I had to speak up. "It was Maria, Carlisle. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize, Jasper. It wasn't your fault," he replied almost instantly. His emotions showed he wasn't lying. He truly didn't blame me.

"Of course not," Edward told me. "Carlisle doesn't do blame, how have you not picked that up yet?"

Carlisle came to stand in front me, Esme beside him.

"You are not to blame for what she did," he said, looking me directly in the eyes. "I want you to understand that, son." The last word took me by the surprise; it was the first time he had ever dared to call me by the affectionate title he so readily used for Edward or Emmett.

"Thank you, Father," I replied gently. I felt a spark of happiness among all the grief Carlisle was currently emitting.

Esme reached out and ruffled my hair gently.

"No matter what you were, or what that … that woman," she forced the word 'woman' out, as if she wanted to call Maria something much worse, which was very un-Esme-like of her, "made you do. You are our son now and we love you."

"Thanks, Mom." She beamed at me, and then her and Carlisle left, and we heard them go into Carlisle's office.

"Do you think Carlisle will be OK?" Emmett asked.

"Esme will cheer him up," Alice replied.

Edward groaned. "No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter, Emmett." As my siblings bantered, I attempted to flatten my hair down. Esme's ruffling had messed it up.

"Annoying, isn't it?" Edward said to me understandingly. I just laughed.

"Pal, you owe her like forty eight years of hair ruffling, since it took you so long to come to your senses," Emmett told me. With Carlisle's return, everyone had cheered up. Yes, we would have to live for Alaska soon, but that suddenly didn't seem so bad.

Alice snuggled herself against my chest. "See," she said to me. "I told you belonged here." I found I couldn't argue with her.


	77. Forks

**Updated 14/5/11**

* * *

2003

_Carlisle_

"So what's so great about this place?" Rosalie asked with a sigh as we all looked around the newest house that had been added to our (really Esme's) property collection.

Everyone aside from Esme and Alice looked bored, this was just another move to them. Alice always enjoyed the thrill of moving somewhere new and watching how our lives unfolded in our new home, while Esme loved the excitement of a new project. I could see her eyes roaming its walls already, considering the possibilities as her face lit up with anticipation. The fascinated smile and twinkling eyes were a common place feature of my wife's face whenever she was presented with a new building to mould in her very capable (and incredibly artistic) hands.

"It's the wettest place in the Continental US," I informed Rosalie patiently.

"There's so few sunny days we barely have to hide," Alice sang cheerfully.

"Well, it's nice to no longer feel like we're on the run like common criminals," Emmett commented. With Alice's go ahead, we had felt same enough to revert back to our true names and the adopted family story. After the five years of hiding in Alaska, followed by three years apart under false names, it felt nice to once more be back together as the Cullen family.

"That's because we're not _common _criminals," Edward said dryly. "Fraud's a felony."

"Fraud's a felony that keeps this family safe," Jasper replied waspishly. He was the member of the family in charge of acquiring our false papers as he was able to do so with alarming ease due to his talent.

"I'm well aware of that fact," Edward replied coolly.

"Boys," Esme chided gently. Both Edward and Jasper rolled their eyes at her and then grinned at each other upon seeing the similar action, all earlier debate forgotten. Esme just shook her head playfully in response.

"Are you all ready for your first day of a new school in two days?" she asked them all teasingly, as if they were real human children rather than decades-old vampires who had done this charade countless time. Various unenthusiastic sounds were muttered – Emmett gave a large sarcastic 'whoopee.'

I sighed. "I know how you all feel about high school but it's-"

"Necessary for our safety," they all parroted. "We know!" There was several exasperated huffs.

I was trying my hardest to keep a straight face and glare at my children.

"You really need to work on your glaring, Carlisle," Edward informed me.

"That was suppose to be a glare?" Emmett questioned and I could tell he intended it as a genuine question rather than an attempt to wind me up more.

Esme giggled, smirking over in my direction.

"Isn't it time everyone went and picked their rooms?" I asked. Quick as a flash, they were all gone. Sometimes my children really did act like any other set of teenage siblings.

"You shouldn't have done that," Esme warned me. "You just know Edward and Rosalie will argue over the best room."

"Second-best room," I corrected jokingly. "Alice will have already bagged the best room."

"True," my wife admitted with a smile. I walked over to her, and hugged her gently from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"So what are your plans for this place?" I asked. I looked around the house once more. It was nowhere near as rundown as some of our previous homes, but there could be no doubt it was in desperate need of re-decorating. As a looked around the living room, I calculated that half of the wallpaper in the room was peeling.

"Well, firstly the wallpaper has to go, obviously" she said sternly. In the corner of my eye, I saw her delicate nose wrinkle in disgust. Not that I blamed her. Judging by the wallpaper I would have assumed nobody had lived here since the seventies though I already knew it had actually only been empty for the last six months.

"Of course," I agreed.

"Then I was thinking a pale colour scheme throughout. And best of all, I have big plans for this wall." She pointed at the wall opposite us that she had been studying intensely. It looked no different to the other walls – one dingy window struggled to let in any light, never mind display the fine view I knew was on the other side.

"And what would they be?" I whispered saucily in her ear, pulling her close to me, causing her to squirm slightly in my grasp in a way that was most certainly not unpleasant.

"Stop distracting me," she scolded, though she didn't sound unhappy.

"I simply wanted to know what your plans for this special wall were," I said innocently. She snorted disbelievingly and wriggled out of my grasp. She began to walk towards the wall without turning round to face me.

"I'm going to knock it down," she said, stretching her arms out wide to indicate the entire wall.

"And why do we want a living room with three walls exactly?" I questioned teasingly. She turned around then to glare at me. Unlike me (apparently), Esme had the 'I know you're teasing but I'm still going to pretend to be annoyed' glare down to perfection.

Somewhere above me, I heard Edward snort with amusement.

"You're not funny," Esme informed me, but she was smiling. "And for your information, there's going to be three walls and a glass wall."

"A glass wall?" I questioned, though I could already see it. The entire wall would just be a window showing the breathtakingly beautiful expanse of forest around us. Like all of Esme's plan it was ingenious.

"This far away from town, I don't see why we have to hide anymore," Esme said quietly. Though she would never say it, I knew the years on the run after Maria's infamous killing spree had bothered her greatly. She liked things best when we were a family. Yes, we had been together in Alaska, but I knew in Esme's eyes that the charade we played for the humans helped to reaffirm the bonds between her and our children.

"We don't," I replied gently, moving to stand next to her once more. She was still staring at the wall. I caressed her cheek tenderly and she sighed contentedly.

"We should really go and pick out our own bedroom," she commented with a soft smile in my direction.

"First floor, second door on the right," Alice shouted from above us, causing us both to chuckle.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Edward was sulking. There could be no denying that fact. I could almost feel the glare on my back as the thought went through my mind, even though my eyes were on the road ahead of me.

"I still don't see why we have to pretend to be freshmen," he grumbled. I turned around to look at him briefly, and had to bite back a laugh, knowing it would not help the situation. As my eyes turned back to the road, I could feel the glare being given to my back again.

"This is not amusing," he insisted.

"Nobody said it was," Esme soothed sweetly from where she was sat in the passenger seat beside me. "You're simply doing what has to be done to look the part."

But as she begin to fiddle around in her purse, I noticed the slight smile on her face. In all honesty, we were more amused by his reaction than the actual circumstance.

The problem we faced every time our children started afresh at a new school was how to make it believable that they were the ages they claimed to be. Emmett and Jasper's real ages, and Rosalie's beauty, made it nearly impossible for us to even attempt to make them look fifteen going on sixteen, and we just had to hope everyone assumed they were early bloomers.

With Edward and Alice it was easier. Though we didn't know Alice's true age, her short stature made passing her off as fourteen easy. Though she was never too happy about parting with her designer clothes, she would dress up youngish at the start of the year (and despite the outfits involved, she gleamed some fun from her role of pretence) and then gradually over the next year or so, she would wear her ordinary clothes more and more often. The idea was to make it look like she was 'maturing' without her ever actually changing.

As Edward was the youngest physically of our children, the same system could be used from him as well.

He just happened to despise it.

Personally, I blamed the Second World War. More specifically, I blamed the draft.

Of course, on a list of bad things to come out of that period of human history, I would firmly place this at the very end of the list. But I was willing to take whatever amusement I could out of a time period which had been horrific for both the humans of the world and our family.

The main problem our family had had was avoiding the draft. Both of our sons and myself looked old enough to be drafted. Though we all would have helped if we had been able to, keeping our secret in the army -and on a battlefield- would have been near impossible, especially given that Emmett's control was still not the greatest back then.

To combat this problem, we decided to pretend our children were as young as we thought it was possible to fake. For Emmett, we decided this was fifteen and for Rosalie, fourteen. The problem came in the shape of what, in 1942, seemed a real issue: what if the war lasted more than three years? Moving again to a position where I could remain as a home front doctor rather than being drafted to the battlefield would be very precarious. In the end, we decided if the worst happened and the war was still raging when Emmett was 'eighteen' we would have to fake an illness of some sort. This meant we had to make Edward as young as possible so that he would not approach the draft age until a while after his older brother.

And that was how I came to watch my wife as she tried to make my physically seventeen-years-old and chronologically forty-years-old son look like a thirteen-year-old middle-schooler.

There was no denying it was amusing – more so because she failed miserably. In retrospect, we shouldn't have laughed so much, but it had been a much needed moment of amusement in amongst the darkness of the news continuously flowing in from Europe and the Pacific. (For Esme and myself that is, I've no doubt Rosalie and Emmett would have laughed that much no matter what the circumstance.)

It had also left Edward with a eternal hatred for having to dress up younger than he actually was.

Hence his current grumpiness.

"Oh, cheer up," Alice ordered him cheerfully. Her and Jasper had chosen to ride with us rather than go with Rosalie and Emmett in Edward's Volvo. (She wasn't allowed to drive the BMW round Forks yet. Once Edward had 'turned sixteen' it would appear he had been given his sister's old car as she got a new one.)

"Or don't actually," she remarked lightly. "If you sulk like that all day you really will look a fourteen-year-old."

"The pout certainly helps with that aspect," Jasper drawled at him.

"It's just for six months or so," Esme reminded him with sigh. She hated seeing him so annoyed.

"It's not like we've never done this before," Alice commented.

"Don't remind me," Edward grumbled. He probably hadn't appreciated my war-time memories.

"We're here," I remarked calmly as I turned into the car park. Unsurprisingly, I saw Edward's Volvo already parked near the entrance.

The whispers started as soon as we left the car, only increasing once Rosalie and Emmett came to join us. (They had remained safely inside the Volvo until we had arrived to avoid being stared at as long as possible.)

"Woah, check out the new kids."

"That is one freaky family."

"That blonde is hot as hell," was probably the politest comment about Rosalie (who seemed to be dominating the attention, as always), the rest were rather vulgar and caused Emmett to put his arm around her protectively. Of course, this only increased the whispers more.

"Is, is he with his sister?" the girl nearest to us whispered to her friend. I saw Emmett resist the urge to glare at her.

With a resigned "may as well get this over with", Alice had grabbed hold of Jasper's hand, making the couples within our family only too obvious to the members of Forks' student body.

"You think we could split them up? Both girls are fit, God knows why they're with their brothers. Must be from so hillbilly town down south" a boy whispered to his friend, sounding rather jealous.

"Sure," his friend agreed. "Shouldn't be too difficult. Both boys are probably thick as pig shit. One of us gets Blondie, the other gets the shortie." Now I knew both Emmett and Jasper were resisting the urge to glare and/ or growl at the two adolescent boys.

"Probably inbred," someone else commented. "Mommy and Daddy there look like they had them at thirteen or something."

If Edward and Alice had to dress young, then Esme and I had the opposite problem. She was dressed in a blouse, knee-length skirt, pantyhose, and small heels, while I was dressed in a shirt and tie, ready for my first day at the hospital that I was due to start this afternoon.

"The younger boy's cute though and clearly not dating his sister," a girl giggled.

"You think everyone's cute, Jessica," her friend sighed. "And what is he wearing?"

Edward managed a brief glare at his mother.

"The shop assistant said that's the sort of top a fourteen-year-old would wear," she grumbled under her breath.

"This is what happens when you don't invite me," Alice replied, also under her breath. Esme, clearly already exasperated by the day's events, ignored her.

"Awww, do you care what the ickle freshmen girls think about you, Eddie? Does someone have his first crush?" Emmett mocked in a baby voice.

"Emmett!" Esme and I both scolded. He just grinned unrepentantly as we entered the school building.

There was a few people hanging around the corridor, however, unlike outside, silence reigned which ever corridor we walked down. Though we soon heard the whispers ignite once they thought we were out of earshot.

"My lil' baby brother's starting high school, surely a little teasing is required," Emmett remarked, this time in a normal voice. After all, if anyone overheard him it would sound like perfectly normal sibling banter.

He threw his arm around Edward's shoulders. "But don't worry, Mom, Dad, I'll look after lil' Eddiekins here. Keep him out of trouble." A couple of passing students smirked, obviously amused.

"More like the other way round," Edward replied sharply, ducking out from under Emmett's arm. Though his words had been quiet, his actions caused a few stares as he stormed ahead of us. It was beginning to feel like we'd already been seen by the entirety of Forks High's small student population, though, of course, that wasn't true.

Thankfully, we soon reached the relative quiet of the school office.

"Whatever happened to 'blending in'?" I asked with a sigh. Edward, Alice, and Emmett snorted, while Rosalie and Jasper's raised their eyebrows in obvious exasperation.

"If we hit everyone with everything at once, they stop talking quicker," Alice remarked. "Better than having new rumours flying round ever week. First, how strange we look, than the inter-dating etc. etc. etc. This way we stay the topic of gossip for less time. Humans are good at getting use to weird."

"Alice!" I hissed. The school secretary was staring at us.

"She can't hear us, Carlisle," Edward told me tiredly. He seemed to be hiding a grimace.

"She's too busy checking us out," Emmett remarked with a smirk.

Luckily, the principal left his office then to come greet us. I saw the shock wash over his face before he tried his best to hid it.

"Um, you must be Dr. and Mrs. Cullen," he addressed Esme and me before shaking both our hands.

He was now scanning our children with confusion, his head flicking them and the papers he held in his hand. "What years are your children in again?" he asked cautiously.

"Edward and Alice are freshmen," I pointed to the pair of them. "And Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper are sophomores." I pointed to each one in turn.

"Sorry, thought there was some mistake, never mind," he muttered, his face flushed red. Edward almost looked amused at the man's thoughts, at least he looked the least grumpy he had all morning.

"And you've moved here from Alaska?"

"Yes," Esme answered. "They all managed to get into an school for talented children up there." She managed to get the amount of smug motherly pride in her voice just right.

"Ah, OK then, well." The poor flustered man was saved by the school bell.

"Literally saved by the bell," Emmett muttered under his breath.

"Well, if you'd like to collect your timetables from Mrs. Cope here, classes should begin in five minutes." The secretary seemed quite flustered as she handed them over, and I sincerely hoped I was imagining the flirty smiles she flashed all three of my sons, though Rosalie's glare and Edward's grimace informed me I wasn't.

"Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, would you be able to stay a few extra minutes to discuss your family's, um, special circumstances?" the principal asked us.

"Of course," I agreed amiably. This wasn't the first time this had happened.

As a second school bell sounded, my children all trooped out the office with a few shouted goodbyes.

"Have a good day," Esme called after them. I thought I heard Edward mumble something about enjoying the charade too much.

"Would you like to come into my office and take a seat?" the principal asked.

"Of course," we both replied politely.

"So, um, all your children are adopted?" he asked once we were all seated.

"Alice, Edward, and Emmett are adopted," I replied. "Rosalie and Jasper are Esme's niece and nephew and we fostered them after the death of their parents."

"That's, that's very… kind of you."

"Thank you," Esme said sweetly. Though her reply sounded genuine enough, I could tell she had heard the man's hesitation too. There was no doubt he thought our family situation was strange but didn't dare to say it to our faces.

"Is there anything else I need to know about your children?"

"I can't think of anything in particular," I replied calmly.

"Ah, well, I, um, think that's it then," he said uncomfortably. Obviously, he had expected there to be something – people always automatically assumed that five adopted teenagers most be troubled.

"It was nice to meet you," Esme said, standing up to signal the end of the conversation. I copied her. The principal shook my hand quickly and then with a final set of goodbyes we left.

"Well, all in all that went OK," Esme commented as we walked through the school hallways. "Aside from him obviously expecting our children to be hooligans," she added tartly. I chuckled slightly.

"You know he'll see how wrong we are soon. I doubt many children behave as well at school as ours." She smiled slightly at that.

"When does your shift start?" she asked.

I looked at my watch. "In three hours."

A lone student walked out of the bathroom then, his eyes looked like they would pop out of his head when he saw us. His baby face made him look too young to be in high school so I guessed he had to be a freshman. Looking at him I could see that, despite Esme's best effort, Edward would still look much older stood next to him.

We both purposefully kept walking, looking straight in front of us as though we hadn't noticed his stares.

Esme was smiling as we left the school building and headed towards my car.

"Why so happy?" I asked, though I was certain I already knew the answer.

"A new town. A new beginning. What's not to be happy about?" she replied. She looked around at the expense of green forest that surrounded the school. "I think Forks is going to be good to us."

"You say that about every town we move to, love," I pointed out with a chuckle. I kissed her lips quickly when she pouted.

"Where's your sense of optimism?" she asked me.

"I left it in a jail cell in Minnesota," I deadpanned in reply. She glared at me as we got into the car.

But as she fastened her seatbelt she began to laugh. I looked at her curiously.

"In retrospect, the fact you got thrown into jail is kinda funny," she admitted.

"Maybe for you, I had already started planning how to bust out of that place if they didn't allow me to have bail."

"I'm sure you would have come up with an ingenious plan," she told me with a giggle.

"Why thanks, dear," I said with a roll of my eyes, causing her to smirk at me.

A few minutes later, she began humming under her breath. It took me a few seconds to realize it was the theme tune to The Great Escape. I turned to glare at her.

"Edward's right, you do need to work on your glaring," she informed me with a smile.

"We're home," I said as I pulled into the garage, effectively ignoring her last comment.

"Want to help me knock a wall down?" she asked with a grin as we got out of the car.

"How can I say no to a offer like that?"

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Several hours later, my first day at Forks hospital was getting off to a slow start, allowing my thoughts to drift back repeatedly to my wife and children, wondering how the latter was doing at school and how the former was doing with making sure our temporary supports supported the floor above while we replaced the entire outer wall.

An emergency page pulled me from my thoughts. I quickly rushed to the ER.

"What happened?" I asked the medic.

"Motorcycle crash," he explained. I looked at the boy on the trolley – he couldn't have been older than sixteen. As always, I hated seeing someone throwing their lives away recklessly.

The boy would be lucky. We had managed to save his life, but his recovery would be a slow and painful process. I walked away from the boy's bed, to find a man who looked like he was with the police waiting for me.

"Are you Dr. Cullen?" he asked me. I nodded. "Charlie Swan, chief of police." He held out his hand and we shook briefly. "I guess it's true what they say about doctors and cold hands," he joked. I smiled politely – I had heard that joke one too many times over the centuries, though I suppose I should be thankful to that stereotype, for it made explaining the coolness of my hands much easier to my patients.

"Will he be OK?" he asked anxiously, nodding his head in the direction of the boy's ned.

I nodded. "His injuries were severe, but we've managed to give him a blood transfusion and reaffix his broken bones. He wouldn't be going on a motorcycle again for a while though," I said grimly. Chief Swan shook his head.

"Death traps they are. Skidded and collided with an oncoming car. He's lucky he's not dead." I nodded gravely. "Anyway, I needed an official doctor's opinion on his injuries for the report."

"Of course," I agreed amiably. I looked towards the sleeping patients. "Perhaps we should have this discussion in my office." He nodded his agreement and followed me to my office. We were halfway through the conversation when the phone rang. I smiled when I saw the Caller ID.

"My wife," I explained to the chief. I picked up the phone. "Hello, love."

"Hello, Carlisle. I was just phoning to make sure your first day at work was going OK." I laughed gently. It was a running joke between us for her to make sure I was OK on my 'first day at work.'

"I'm fine, dear. I was just speaking to the Chief of Police-"

"What'd you do this time?" she interrupted jokingly. I laughed gently at her.

"Nothing. There's just been a accident."

"Oh, I'll talk to you later. The children should be home soon anyway."

"They should be home abut four," I told her.

"Bye, I love you," she told me.

"I love you, too," I replied and she hung up. Still smiling, I put the phone down and turned my attention back to the Chief of Police.

"Just checking up on me on my first day," I said jokingly. He laughed. "It's the children's first day at a new school as well."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that. The Forks elementary school is excellent." I didn't know whether to be amused or saddened by the Chief's misunderstanding. Of course, he would expect a couple in their twenties to have young children, but it was a reminder of the one thing I could never have with Esme. Not that we didn't love our adopted children.

"Actually my children are in high school," I corrected him. I saw the surprise flash across his face before he attempted to hide it. "They're all adopted," I explained.

"How old are they?" he asked.

"Edward and Alice are fourteen, and Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper are fifteen."

"That's a lot of children, doc. I only have the one, my daughter." The Chief suddenly became uncomfortable.

"What's she called?" I asked politely.

"Isabella," he answered. "She's fourteen."

"Oh, so she'll be in Edward and Alice's year."

"No, she lives with her mother in Phoenix," he replied uncomfortably. "Anyway, about these damn bikes. My deputy suggested doing a sort of awareness program. Children need to know about the risks."

"Of course they do," I replied. And though neither of us acknowledged it, there was a grim understanding between us as fathers. No matter that Charlie Swan didn't live with his daughter and my children were all but indestructible. A father always worries about his children – no matter what.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

As always, Esme was in the doorway to greet me when I arrived home.

"How was your first day?" she asked after kissing me thoroughly.

"A boy came in badly injured after falling of a motorcycle," I told her. "He'll be OK," I added quickly before she could ask. "But aside from that rather boring."

"Was that the accident you mentioned?" she asked and I nodded.

We walked into the living room in time to hear Emmett say he still didn't understand why we currently only had three walls in the living room.

"Esme would you like to explain it again or shall I?" Rosalie remarked sarcastically.

"I understand it's being replaced. It's just seems a bit strange to do so while we're living here," Emmett replied back.

Esme sighed. "I know I usually do all the major work before we move in but, I, I just wanted us to be together again as soon as possible," she remarked sadly. I wrapped my arm around her waist, stroking it comfortingly.

"Oh, fair enough," Emmett remarked, looking at his mother sadly.

"So, how was school?" I asked to all my children in an attempt move the conversation on for Esme's sake.

"Same as always," Edward replied. "Forks is no different to anywhere else. Same boring human minds. Same mundane human lives. It's not like anything of interest will ever happen here."

**~End Part Four~**

**I had to have that as the last line. I think Edward might soon be eating his words!**

**First chapter based on the books next!**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. What were your thoughts on Part 4 of the story? What did you make of the characterization of each Cullen 'kid' as they joined? Favorite parts/ least favorite parts?**


	78. Bella Swan

**Some of the events and dialogue in this chapter come from Twilight/ Midnight Sun which is the property of Stephenie Meyer. That disclaimer counts to all the following chapters (yes, I'm lazy!) Later chapters will also include events/ dialogue based on New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. I don't own them either – Stephenie Meyer does again.**

* * *

**~Part Five: Everything Changes Once More~**

2005

_Carlisle_

I was sat in my office, worrying about my son. It had been a week since he had first come rushing into my office, his face dismayed and ashamed, frantically telling me he had to leave. I had told him to go, even handed over the keys to my Mercedes, but I had been second-guessing my decision ever since. _Had I hurt him with my lack of trust?_ We had hunted last night after his return, and Edward had revealed he was not leaving again. But there was something about this girl. This Isabella Swan. He was fighting his demons again and there was nothing I could do to help him. I had offered that our entire family could leave if he wanted us to – much more preferable to him leaving alone again. Esme had been distraught by the six days apart, even after all these years she still worried he would never return. How would we cope if he chose to leave us more permanently?

Just then I recognized the familiar tread of my son's footsteps, as well as his scent. A quiet dread filled me. _What has happened now?_

"Carlisle," he said as he walked into my office. I was alarmed when I saw his face. He had the same conflicted look he'd worn last time he came to my office. My first thought was that the temptation had been too much for him. Bella Swan was dead. I leaped to my feet and leant across my walnut desk.

_Edward – you didn't –_

"No, no, it's not that." I took a deep breath, relieved.

_Of course not. I'm sorry I entertained the thought. Your eyes, of course, I should have known… _Edward's still golden eyes were proof that disaster had yet to strike him, and therefore us all. _Why is he here then?_

He then explained frantically what had happened at the school today. Bella Swan had nearly been run over and Edward had saved her. Despite the risk he had taken, I was proud of him. That he would consider this girl he seemed to think of as some sort of personal demon still worth saving. Quite an ironic turn of events, overall. Also he had said the girl had not told anyone what had happened yet, and how we could easily discredit her story with mention of her 'head injuries'. I knew by the tone of his voice he found the idea as distasteful as I did. He was desperately worried about her, more than I would have expected, and so I went to check up on my patient.

I stayed in the background to begin with, content with the PA's diagnosis that she was only slightly injured. If Bella Swan, who had already observed more about us than she should have, were to see me she would surely be reminded of my family and our _unusualness. _I heard the other child involved in the crash ask her how she'd gotten out of the way.

"Um…" she paused for a long time. I waited anxiously, would we have to spread the 'head injury' story after all, despite Edward's and my distaste? "Edward pulled me out of the way. Edward Cullen. He was standing next to me." I turned away then to find Edward again, satisfied for now our secret was safe with Bella Swan.

I found Edward in the radiology department. I assumed he had come to look at her x-rays. After we had looked at them, and I had assured him she was going to be OK, he went to go talk to Bella. To 'smooth things over' apparently. I couldn't help but think there was something else going on here. Edward seemed to care more about Bella Swan than just her scent and the risk she now posed to our family. I remembered when he had come into my office an hour ago, his panic that she was hurt. He was concerned for the girl herself.

I gave Edward time to speak to her before heading towards her room. On the way I ran into Chief Swan.

"Dr. Cullen," he said to me. "Have you seen Bella? Is she going to be OK?" he asked frantically.

I smiled reassuringly. "I was just on my way to see her, but by the look of her x-rays she should be fine." I saw him relax. I looked around the waiting room and saw that the majority of the Forks High School population seemed to be using the accident as an excuse to skip school. With one last reassurance, I left Charlie and headed towards his daughter's room.

I saw her eyes widen and her mouth drop in surprise as she first saw me. She had definitely spotted the resemblance. This was the first time I had actually seen Bella – even though she had been a topic of conversation for our family for a week now. She looked like any other human to me – it was hard to believe she had caused so much drama in our family.

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?" I asked soothingly.

"I'm fine," she said quietly, looking abashed. I had to resist the urge to chuckle. I knew these sorts of the patients – the sort who didn't want a fuss. I clipped her x-ray to the lightboard by her bed.

"Your x-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard." I hoped we wouldn't have to discredit her, but it was still good to set the groundwork. Just in case.

She sighed. "I'm fine," she mumbled again, sounding slightly impatient. _Definitely the 'wants no fuss' sort of patient. _She glowered over at Edward. It was kind of amusing, seeing my son getting glared at by a human. _Despite what's happened to her today, she does not even appear afraid of us. There should be instinctual fear and then on top of that, she should be scared after what she saw today. But she doesn't appear afraid. She just sent a vampire death glares. That is not a normal human reaction._

I began to gently inspect her head, and she winced when I touched a sore spot. I saw Edward twitch in his seat, before maintaining his relaxed posture. _He's really concerned for her._

"Tender?" I asked.

She jerked her chin up defiantly. "Not really." Again I had to resist the urge to chuckle. I heard Edward actually do so, earning him another glare for Bella. That only made me more amused. _She is certainly an interesting human._

"Well," I said. "Your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight." I knew she would not do that.

"Can't I go back to school?" she asked anxiously, surprising me. Patients usually celebrated any time their injuries managed to get them away from school.

"Maybe you should take it easy today," I suggested. Her eyes flickered to Edward again.

"Does _he _get to go back to school?" she demanded.

"Someone has to spread the good news we survived," Edward said.

"Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room," I corrected. Bella groaned into her hands at my words. I looked at her, confused. "Do you want to stay?" I asked, though I knew patients like her never wanted to stay in the hospital longer than possible.

"No, no!" she said quickly, scrambling to get off the mattress. She stumbled forward towards me and I caught and steadied her. "I'm fine," she insisted, and, making sure she was properly balanced this time, I let go.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain," I instructed.

"It's doesn't hurt that bad," she insisted, unsurprisingly. I smiled as I signed her chart.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," I said to her.

"Lucky Edward happened to be stood next to me," she said accusingly.

"Oh, well, yes," I agreed quickly. My reaction probably had not helped quell her suspicions.

_All yours. Handle it as you think best, _I thought at Edward.

"Thanks so much," he whispered sarcastically, too quiet for a human to hear. I felt my lips turn up a little bit at his sarcasm, as I turned my attention to Tyler Crowley, the driver of the car who had nearly hit Bella.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I arrived home before my children. Esme came to meet me at the door.

"What's happened?" she asked the moment she saw my face.

"Bella Swan," I replied. Esme's eyes widened.

"What happened? Is Edward OK? Is Bella OK?" she asked frantically. I rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

"Everyone's fine, for now."

"For now?" she questioned. We walked into the living room and I sat with her on the sofa, explaining what had happened between Edward and Bella today.

"He won't leave again?" was Esme's first question. I knew it was her worst fear.

"I don't know. Perhaps we should all move. Bella Swan knows a lot more than she should."

"As long as we all move together," Esme muttered. I kissed her forehead gently.

We heard Edward's car pull up outside. Automatically, we both moved to the dining room – our family's conference room. I sat at the head where I always sat. Esme sat beside me; I held her hand on the top of the table. I knew what was about to go down was not going to be pretty. All of my children would have an opinion about what had happened today, especially Rosalie. I would have to try and be as neutral as possible while we decided what we would do next.

Edward was the first to come in, and he sat down on my other side. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper sat directly opposite me and I got the feeling of lines being drawn. _Do they think I would automatically side with Edward over them? _Alice was the last one and sat next to Esme without seemingly thinking about it. It was clear from her face she was currently lost in the future. Jasper twitched, as if he was considering joining her, but stayed where we was. _Yes, lines are definitely being drawn here._

Edward spoke first. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty actions."

Rosalie glared at him. "What do you mean 'take full responsibility'? Are you going to fix it?"

"Not the way you mean it," Edward said coldly. His tone worried me. What exactly was Rosalie planning? "I'm willing to leave now, if that's makes thing better."

"No," Esme murmured. "No, Edward." He patted her hand comfortingly.

"It's just a few years," he told her gently. I knew that would never placate her and would have thought he would know that too.

"Esme's right, though," Emmett said. "You can't go anywhere now. That would be the _opposite _of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever."

"Alice will catch anything major," Edward argued.

I shook my head. "I think Emmett is right, Edward. The girl will be more likely to talk if you disappear. It's either all of us leave, or none of us." I wanted to make that very clear, glad to have an excuse behind it other than a paternal desire to keep my children near.

"She won't say anything," Edward insisted, sounding confident in this statement.

"You don't know her mind though," I reminded him. He could not speak with so much confidence about a girl he barely knew.

"I know this much. Alice, back me up," Edward insisted.

"I can't see what will happen if we ignore this," Alice insisted. That confused me. Either we moved or we stayed and ignored it. I couldn't see Rosalie being determined to leave so her decision shouldn't be messing up Alice's visions. _What is she considering then? What other choice is there?_

Rosalie's palm smacked down on the table, and it was a sign of the tension in the room that Esme didn't chide her for being too rough with the furniture.

"We can't allow the human a chance to say anything. Carlisle, you _must _see that." Rosalie's personal appeal to me worried me, that meant whatever she was about to suggest was going to be to my distaste. "Even if we decided to all disappear, it's not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind – you know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be more careful than anyone else!"

"We've left rumors behind us before," Edward reminded her.

"Just rumors and suspicions, Edward. Not eyewitnesses and evidence!" In fact she was wrong, there had been plenty of eyewitnesses and evidence after the debacle at the high school in 1956.

"Evidence," Edward scoffed. But Jasper seemed to be in agreement with her.

"Rosalie-" I began, still worried over whatever she was planning.

"Let me finish, Carlisle. It doesn't have to be a big production. The girl hit her head today. So maybe that injury turns out to be more serious than it looked." Rosalie shrugged, and I began to mentally recoil from what she was suggesting. _She can't honestly expect me to go along with this, can she? I vowed to protect human life, not kill unnecessarily. _"Every mortal goes to sleep with the chance of never waking up. The others would expect us to clean up after ourselves. Technically, that would make it Edward's job, but this is obviously beyond him. You know I'm capable of control. I would leave no evidence behind me." _Yes, she is seriously asking my permission to kill Bella Swan. _I thought of the shy, but clearly brave, girl I had met today. She did not deserve death for simply seeing something she shouldn't have. _And Edward would hate us for it…_ I didn't know why, but in the course of the afternoon it had become clear to me Bella Swan meant something to my son. I could never agree with Rosalie's plan.

"Yes, Rosalie, we all know how proficient an assassin you are," Edward snarled. Rosalie hissed furiously at him in response.

"Edward, please," I said. Usually he would never have brought up what happened to Rosalie, no matter how mad he might have been at her. It was a sign of how truly affected by her plan she was. "Rosalie, I looked the other way in Rochester because I felt you were owed justice. The men you killed had wronged you monstrously. This is not the same situation. The Swan girl is an innocent."

"It's nothing personal, Carlisle," Rosalie said through her teeth, suggesting it was. "It's to protect us all." I knew that, beneath her icy exterior, Rosalie was very protective of us, and perhaps she did think her plan was the best course of action for us all. But still, I could never consent to it. Bella Swan did not deserve to die. How could I love my wife and children knowing I'd had an innocent child killed to protect them?

I nodded at Rosalie, trying to show I believed her when she said she was trying to protect us. "I know you mean well, Rosalie, but … I'd like very much for our family to be _worth_ protecting. The occasional accident … or lapse in control is a regrettable part of who we are. To murder a blameless child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk she presents, whether she speaks her suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk something much more important. We risk losing the essence of what we are."

Rosalie scowled at me. "It's just being responsible."

"It's being callous," I corrected gently. "Every life is precious." Rosalie sighed heavily.

"It'll be fine, Rose," Emmett encouraged her in a low voice, patting her shoulder. I hoped he could manage to get through to her even if I couldn't.

"The question is whether we move or not?" I continued. That is originally what I thought we had come here to discuss, not whether Bella Swan should be allowed to live or not. Rosalie quickly protested against moving, and it seemed the decision had been made. We would stay her, ignore what had happened, and hope Edward was right in his assurance of Bella's silence.

"Jasper," Edward said, staring at his brother. "She won't pay for my mistake. I won't let her." Apparently the idea that Bella Swan should die had not been dropped from all minds yet.

"She benefits from it, then? She should have died today, Edward. I'd only set that right."

"I will not allow it," Edward said, heavily emphasizing each word. I had already figured out that Edward cared for Bella in some way, but he was truly beginning to show the depth of that concern. _Why is that though? There is more to this than just her scent or her silent mind. There has to be for Edward to act like this._

Jasper shook his head. "I won't let Alice leave in danger, even a slight danger. You don't feel for anyone the way I feel about her, Edward, and you haven't lived through what I've lived through, whether you've seen my memories or not."

"I'm not disputing that, Jasper. But I'm telling you know, I won't allow you to hurt Isabella Swan." There it was again, the protectiveness of the human girl. _There is definitely something else going on behind this._ Jasper and Edward sized each other.

"Jazz," Alice said.

"Don't bother telling me you can protect yourself, Alice. I already know that. I've still got to-"

"That's not what am I going to say," Alice interrupted. "I was going to ask you for a favor." Edward began staring, open mouthed, at Alice. We all looked at him warily. _What is she thinking now? What is she seeing? Surely sweet little Alice will never want to kill the Swan girl, despite her husband's insistence._ Unaware of Edward's reaction, Alice continued talking to Jasper. "I know you love me. Thanks. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't try to kill Bella." I knew Bella Swan was safe now, for if Alice were against it then Jasper would never act to harm her. "First of all, Edward's serious and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly, she's my friend. Or she's _going_ to be." I didn't know how to react that. A part of me was happy at the idea of Alice finally gaining a human friend like she had always coveted, but a larger part was trying to figure out how this could happen without Bella learning more about us. She already knew too much as it was. Our safest plan was to distance ourselves from her, hoping she would move on and forget what she had seen. And yet I had the feeling Edward was not going to be able to do that. Maybe that was how Alice and Bella came friends.

"But… Alice…" Jasper gasped

"I'm going to love her someday, Jazz. I'll be very put out with you if you don't let her be." She sighed happily. "See Bella's not going to say anything. There's nothing to worry about." Relief washed over me, and probably everyone else. We were safe for now – and so was Bella.

"Alice. What… does this…?" Edward managed to choke out. I think we were all wondering that. I couldn't see what Alice saw, but clearly Bella Swan was on the verge of becoming something more than just any old human. In fact she already was.

"I told you there was change coming. I don't know, Edward"

"What, Alice? What are you hiding?" Alice shook her head, as if she was trying to tell Edward she wouldn't show him. I could tell Edward wouldn't go for that, particularly not if it involved Bella Swan. "Is it about the girl? Is it about Bella?" A moment of silence, as Alice gritted her teeth and tried not to show him whatever it was, and then "NO!" Edward's chair hit the floor and he was on his feet.

"Edward!" I stood up too, placing my arm on his shoulder, trying to calm him.

"It's solidifying," Alice whispered. "Every minute you're more decided. There's only really two ways left for her. It's one or the other, Edward." I might not have been able to see inside Alice's mind but I knew those options were no longer whether we left her or stayed and ignored her.

"No," Edward muttered again.

"Will somebody _please_ let the rest of us in on the mystery?" Emmett complained, always the person to voice what we were all thinking.

"I have to leave," Edward whispered. I was about to remind him we had already decided that if we left we would all leave but Emmett beat me to it.

"Edward, we've already been over that. That's the best way to start the girl talking. Besides, if you take off, we won't know for sure if she's talking or not. You have to stay and deal with this."

"I don't see you going anywhere, Edward," Alice told him. "I don't know if you _can _leave any more." I knew what Alice meant. It did seem unlikely that Edward would leave Bella Swan behind – he cared too much. _And why is that though?_

"I don't hear that," Edward said to Alice. "Why are you doing this to me?" he groaned. I tried to rub his shoulder comfortingly but I don't think he noticed, he was too locked into whatever was unfolding in Alice's head. "Love her, _too?" _Edward whispered incredulously, and suddenly everything made sense. He loved her. He loved Bella Swan. That was why he was so concerned for her. That was why he couldn't leave her. He couldn't leave her anymore than I could leave Esme. "No. I don't have to follow that course. I'll leave. I'll change the future," he said determinedly. I knew it was a lost cause.

Somewhere to my left, Rosalie was explaining what had just happened to Emmett, but I was concentrating on Edward. Surely he wouldn't actually try to leave. Not if he truly loved her.

"_Fall_ for a human?" I heard Esme say in a stunned voice. "For the girl he saved today? Fall in _love _with her?" I knew my wife was thinking of nothing more than Edward's happiness. She would be over the moon he had finally found someone. After all, she had been worrying about him for decades.

"What do you see, Alice? Exactly," Jasper demanded.

"It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. Either he'll kill her himself," she glared at Edward, "which would _really _irritate me, Edward, not to mention what it would do to _you." _If he truly did love her, it would rip him apart. I tried to imagine how it would have felt, if I had stayed with Esme when she was a human, and somehow she had died. I shook my head to disburse the image -it was unthinkable. "Or she'll be one of us someday." _One of us someday?_ I suppose it did make sense in a way, if Edward loved her she couldn't stay human forever. But it wasn't right of us to change her. Not when she was healthy and had her whole life still ahead of her.

"That's not going to happen! Either one!" Edward shouted. I knew he would not want her to die, and, in Edward's mind -where he saw himself as soulless and damned- both options meant exactly that.

"It all depends. He may be just strong enough not to kill her – but it will be close. It will take an amazing amount of control. More even than Carlisle has. He may be _just_ strong enough… The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause," Alice told us. The room went still at her words. We all stared at Edward's horrified face, each individually trying to comprehend Alice's words.

Finally, I sighed. "Well, this … complicates things." _Talk about an understatement._

"I'll say," Emmett agreed, sounding more amused than anything else.

"I suppose the plans remain the same, though," I said thoughtfully. "We'll stay, and watch. Obviously, no one will… hurt the girl." I had thought this was all we would be discussing round this table, but I had been incredibly wrong. The discussion had long gone past what had happened in the school today, in fact that part of the conversation felt like it had happened years ago. But if Edward truly did love Bella Swan, then we had to accommodate for that. And I wished him the best with her, for he deserved to have a slice of happiness, finally. Obviously there was more to it than that, with Bella being human, but for the moment perhaps he could simply revel in the joys of new love. We could give him all the time he needed, and be there to help him if he wanted.

"No!" Edward shouted desperately, and I knew he was still not happy with the situation. "No!" He stormed out of the room. Esme gently touched his arm in support as he passed, but he didn't even seem to notice.

All around me my children began talking among themselves. Rosalie was ranting to Emmett, and Alice was talking quietly to Jasper.

"Alice," I called my youngest daughter's name. "What exactly did you see?"

"I saw Bella and I as friends. First when she's human and then with her as one of us. But I also saw her dead and Edward with red eyes."

I sat down next to my wife again and she gently interlocked our hands once more. So much had happened in such a short amount of time.

"Come on," Esme whispered to me gently. She led me upstairs to our bedroom. Together we sat down on our bed, my arm around her waist. She allowed her head to drop onto my shoulder.

"Can you believe it?" she whispered happily. "Edward's finally find someone."

"I think he wishes he hasn't though," I said glumly.

"It'll turn out fine," Esme said confidently, firm in her belief of her son.

"What's your definition of 'fine'?" I asked. Esme sat up properly and tapped me in the chest in retribution.

"Stop being so miserable," she ordered me playfully. "This is a good thing."

"Is it a good thing if Bella Swan dies?"

"Edward won't kill her," Esme said with the same confidence.

"Is it a good thing if she becomes a vampire?"

"That'll be her decision," Esme said. I knew she had a point, if Bella Swan knew what we were, if she felt for Edward what he did for her, would she chose this lifestyle for him? "I'd have chosen it," Esme continued.

"What, love?" I asked, confused.

"If you'd stay when I was sixteen, and told me what you were, and given me a choice. I would have chose to be with you, without a second thought."

"I never would have asked that of you," I said gently.

"I know."

"Edward won't ask it of Bella either," I said gently, knowing it was true.

"But if the only other option is her dead." Esme shook her head.

"I want him to be happy," I told her. "But neither option will make him happy."

"There's nothing we can do for now, Carlisle, but let him make his own decisions. And hope he makes the right ones," she said softly. "But I'm sure it will all work out. He's finally found someone to make him happy," she added with her earlier confidence. I gently stroked the billowing caramel curls tumbling down her shoulders.

"I wish I had your confidence," I told her.

"It will work out," she repeated. I pulled her to me and give her a gentle kiss. "So, what's she like?" she asked chirpily.

"Who?" She tapped me in the chest again, and playfully glared at me.

"Bella Swan. I can't believe you got to meet her. Now everyone has but me." Her lips fell into a pout. Unable to help myself a planted a quick kiss on them. She always looked adorable when she pouted. Then I began to give her a rundown of the spirited young girl I had meet at the hospital, while silently wondering what said young girl's future held.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Bella," Alice whispered her name frantically. With a frustrated sigh, Rosalie stormed out of the room, followed by Emmett. The rest of us turned our attention to Alice. "Bella. No. Hurry up, Edward," she muttered anxiously. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

"Alice, what happened?" Jasper asked her.

"Bella nearly got attacked," she said seriously. Then she laughed gently. We all looked at her in confusion. "She just said she's going to run over Tyler Crowley," she explained.

"Is she OK now?" Esme asked.

"She's fine. Edward's with her." That seemed to be enough to satisfy both her and Esme. I gave Esme a gentle kiss and then left my family and went to my office, picking up a rather thick book. I was about halfway through it when I heard the door open and Edward return home.

"Carlisle's in his study," Alice told him. I put the book down, wondering what Edward had to say to me. It had been two weeks since the car accident. One week of melancholy and then a week where he seemed subtly happy. By the sound of it he had given up trying to avoid Bella. I heard him have a one-side conversation with Alice, before coming into the room. I was looking at the door, waiting for him.

"I heard Alice tell me where to find you," I said and he smiled. He quickly explained to me his desire to put an end to the serial rapist in Port Angeles. Finally, coming up with a plan we could both agree on, we left. As we drove I thought once more of Bella. The Edward I had known for so long had gone. Bella was good for him. He deserved this chance of happiness. He was owed it. The dilemma was that the price of his happiness could be Bella's mortality.

We arrived near where the man named Lonnie was. I looked at Edward, it was clear he was struggling with being so close to him, and I couldn't blame him. This man had attacked Bella. I remembered how even I had lost control when finally faced with the monster that had hurt Esme. It was no surprise Edward would feel the same way about the scum who had attacked Bella.

_Go Edward. I'll make the rest of them safe. Go back to Bella. _I knew it would only be by mentioning Bella that I could distract him. He left the car, and I steeled myself for the unfortunate take ahead of me.

I waited until the man drunkenly stumbled out of the bar. Moving quickly, I had him drugged before he even realized what had happened. I ran out of state, carrying this bad excuse of a human, finally dumping him in an abandoned alley in Portland, Oregon. One anonymous tip to 911 later, I watched from a safe distance as the police found him. I heard them talking, apparently the man's real name was Alonzo Calderas Wallace, and he was a suspected serial rapist and murderer. I thanked God once again that Edward had got Bella safe from his clutches, and that he would now not be able to hurt another girl again. Then I ran back to where I had abandoned the car before returning home to my family. I had so much more that I had to ask Edward about last night now that we had taken care of the man.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Esme was waiting for me when I returned.

"Where's Edward?" she asked, worried.

"Bella's," I replied and she smiled.

"Is… everything taken care of?" she asked quietly. I nodded and pulled my wife into my embrace.

"I wonder what else happened tonight?" she wondered. "Alice says he took her to a restaurant and drove her home. Like a human date," she laughed gently at the last line. "He's so different now. He even composed a new song."

"She does seem to make him happy," I conceded, thinking once more of how Edward had been when he came to see me earlier. The old Edward would have thought I was being too mild in my treatment of the man, but this new Edward seemed more compassionate somehow, like he was trying to prove his worth. There was no doubt – Bella Swan had changed Edward for the better.

**A lot of this chapter I felt like I was simply copying up Midnight Sun. I've tried to add my own bits, and I've summarised some of the conversations between Carlisle and Edward, since it gives you both the dialogue and Carlisle's thoughts so there was nothing to add, and I really would have been writing exactly the same except in Carlisle's POV instead of Edward's. But I felt I had to have Carlisle meeting Bella and the conversation at the house afterwards in full.**

**I hope you all liked the first 'book chapter.' Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	79. Welcome

**Updated 09/06/11**

* * *

2005

_Esme_

"Boys, stop it!" I chided. Emmett and Jasper were currently placing bets on if Bella would come back from her trip with Edward alive. Alice was lost in the future watching them.

"She makes it out alive," she announced chirpily. Emmett groaned and Jasper held out his hand for payment.

"Hey, until I see a living human in school on Monday, I'm not giving you anything," Emmett insisted.

Jasper rolled his eyes.

"When are you going to learn not to bet against my wife?"

"Never," Alice said perkily. "And I don't even need to look into the future to know that." I left them to their bantering and went in search of my eldest daughter.

Rosalie was in the garage, where she seemed to be spending a lot of her time recently. I remembered her a week ago. Storming into the house calling Edward every name under the sun, because Bella Swan knew everything. Apparently she had overheard the two of them at lunch, and their conversation had given away that Edward had told her the truth. At first I had agreed with her slightly, though I was in no way as angry as her, I still thought it was careless of Edward to have told Bella everything. Once he explained that she had guessed – with some help from a Quileute youth – I realized that perhaps this was a good thing. To start with, it meant Edward and Bella were properly a couple now.

"Rosalie," I called her name softly.

"I'm really not in the mood for another one of your 'give her a chance' lectures, Esme," she replied exasperatedly, her head still under the car. Her arms were working furiously at whatever improvement they were working on.

"I'm just worried about you," I told her.

"Me? No one cares about me. It's all Bella, Bella, Bella." Her voice had a hint of hysterics to it.

"That's not true," I said gently, leaning against the car as a sat down beside her. "Why are you taking this so hard? I honestly don't think Bella poses a threat to us."

"She's human, Esme. Just a silly, insignificant human. What's so special about her?" The words came out too quickly in her anger, running together until her sentence was nearly just one long hiss.

"Edward loves her. And that makes her special to us all. Just like we took Emmett in because you loved him."

"It's different," she insisted forcefully. "It's goddamn different."

"Rosalie," I began hestitantly, "what is it about Bella you … dislike so much?"

"What's special about her? She's nothing special," she continued her rant. "What makes her so much better than me?" This final question was followed by a few seconds shocked silence.

"Oh, Rosalie," I whispered, suddenly understanding. She had taken Edward's love for Bella as a personal insult. I wanted to hug her but she was still under the car. She didn't saying anything, but she had frozen, her arms stilled in the midst of their a sigh, I lifted the car from above her with one hand and gently pulled her out from underneath with my other, before placing the car back down. She didn't fight against this action. Then, without a word, I hugged her.

"Everyone is special in their own way, Rosalie, " I told her comfortingly. She accepted the hug for a short while before pushing herself away.

"I need to fix the radiator anyway," she said.

"We never use the radiators in the house," I said, confused. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Car radiator, Esme," she said exasperatedly, though she gave me a slight smile. My disinterest in cars was a standing joke among my family members. I left her as she wondered over to the front of the car to fix the 'radiator'. Looking down at my clothes I realized I needed to go change get changed, since some of the oil on her clothes had transferred to mine during our brief hug.

I had just put on a fresh blouse and skirt when Alice came skipping into my room, her face alight with excitement.

"Edward is going to bring Bella home tomorrow!" she squealed. "He's going to ask you if it's OK tonight, you're going to say yes, of course, and then he'll bring her tomorrow." She said all this very quickly in her excitement.

I smiled happily. I was finally going to meet the mysterious Bella Swan. Only yesterday I had told Edward that if he didn't bring her home to meet me soon I was going to have to 'accidentally' bump into the two of them down in Forks.

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "No, Esme, there's no need for you to clean the entire house tonight. To start with, it's spotless as it is."

"We'll need to turn the heating on for once," I said. "And do you think I should go and buy some food for the fridge, in case she gets hungry?"

Alice shook her head. "No need, Esme."

"Well, next time I go shopping I'll keep some of the food for a change," I decided, grinning happily as I said it. I could hardly contain my excitement at the idea that Bella would become a regular guest at our house.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We heard the sound of a noisy truck engine in the distance. Alice had told us all about Bella's truck.

"Wow!" I heard a female voice – which must have been Bella – say. I felt my excitement build; beside me Carlisle chuckled at my exuberance. We were stood to the left of the door, on a raised platform that held Edward's piano.

Rosalie and Emmett were hiding in the garage, yet again, after Rosalie had learned Edward was bringing Bella home. It seemed no matter what I said she wouldn't change her opinion on Bella.

Alice and Jasper were upstairs in their room, at Carlisle's suggestion that we didn't overwhelm her.

"You like it?" Edward asked.

"It … has a certain charm." I couldn't help but feel a little proud. Of all the renovations I had done over the years, this house was one of my favorites. I was glad Bella seemed to like it.

Outside, Edward chuckled. "Ready?" he asked, and we heard the sound of a door opening.

"Not even a little bit – let's go." Bella's reply made me smile. Everything my family had told me was true – she was brave.

"You look lovely," Edward told her softly. I almost exploded with pride at my son.

_You're so sweet with her, Edward, _I cooed._ Now bring in her! I want to finally meet her! _I insisted excitedly.

"Esme, calm down. You'll scare the poor girl," Carlisle whispered in my ear jokingly, gently holding my arm as if to restrain me. I attempted to hide the grin plastered onto my face.

Edward was the first through the door with Bella just behind him. The first thing I noticed was that he was holding her hand. I had to control my face. Carlisle was right; no doubt she would be frightened to find a vampire grinning at her like a maniac. Then again, by the sound of it, it took a lot to frighten her. Bella turned to look at us, and I smiled welcomingly, but didn't move from where I stood. We had decided Carlisle would be the first to approach her. If we both went at once it could frighten her.

_She's beautiful, Edward!_

"Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella," Edward introduced us.

"You're very welcome, Bella," Carlisle said, taking a tentative step forward. I watched her reaction closely, she didn't seem afraid in the slightest. She stepped forward and shook hands with him without any fear.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle," she said, with a confident smile. I saw Edward look relieved at her side.

_See, everything's going fine. She's lovely, and so brave._

I stepped forward to shake her hand as well - confident now that I wouldn't frighten her. It was warm and soft, and just so human. It was hard to believe still, that we had a human in our house. A human who knew the secret. But Edward loved her and she made him happy and so it was all worth it. I would much rather have had her here than not.

"It's very nice to know you," I said sincerely.

"Thank you. It's very nice to meet you, too," she replied, and I could tell she meant it.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" Edward asked. Of course, he knew exactly where they were. That was just there cue to come down.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice called enthusiastically. She ran down the stairs too fast, coming to a graceful stop opposite Bella. It was a perfect demonstration of how inhuman we were. I shot her a warning look. I know Bella didn't seem frightened of us, but there was no need to purposefully remind her of what we were and what we could do.

"Hi Bella!" she said with equal enthusiasm, kissing her cheek. I looked at her in shock. Hadn't we warned her to be cautious around Bella? "You do smell nice. I never noticed before?"

_What on Earth is she doing?_

I watched Bella's reaction. She looked embarrassed and bemused, but still not frightened. Her expression changed to looking more comfortable once more, and I felt myself relax a little as well, clearly Jasper's doing.

"Hello Bella," Jasper said. He kept his distance, but not to be rude, simply as a precaution.

"Hello Jasper," she smiled at him, and then at the rest of us. "You have a beautiful home," she told us. I felt proud once more.

"Thank you," I said to her. "We're so glad you came." That was an understatement. To think she had willingly walked into a house full of vampires, knowing exactly what we are. I watched Bella, wondering what she would do now. She seemed to be watching Edward, before turning her attention to Edward's piano.

"Do you play?" I asked. How perfect if she did - if she shared Edward's love of music.

She shook her head. "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?"

"No." I laughed gently, remembering Edward's disastrous attempts to try and teach me. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No," she said and then she glared at Edward. Carlisle had told me all about how she had done that at the hospital, but his retelling had in no way depicted how amusing it was. I swallowed a giggle. "I should have known, I guess." I looked at her, confused. "Edward can do everything, right?" Jasper snickered and I had to fight back another laugh to look at Edward reprovingly.

"I hope you haven't been showing off – it's rude," I reprimanded. But I couldn't quite hide my excitement at the idea that he would want to show off for her. He had finally found someone who he wanted to see him in his best light. Someone he wanted to love him.

"Just a bit," he admitted with a laugh.

I continued my train of thought, knowing he could still hear me. _Just like I always said you would_, I thought at Edward smugly. _And I'm certain she does by the way. I believe the words you're after are 'you were right, Esme.' _I remembered all the conversation I'd had with Edward, trying to convince him he would find someone eventually. He always seemed so disbelievingly in the idea, which was what had caused me to think that maybe Carlisle had changed too young. Now I was being proved right, and, more importantly, Edward truly seemed happy for the time ever.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella said, and I remembered how he hadn't even told her he was musical.

_You have to show her, Edward. You're so talented. She'll love it!_

"Well, play for her," I encouraged out loud, knowing we shouldn't have silent conversations in front of Bella – it would be rude.

"You just said showing off was rude," he objected.

_Very funny, Edward._

"There are exceptions to every rule," I countered.

"I'd like to hear you play," Bella told him.

_You have to play now, Edward. She wants you to._

"It's settled then," I said, gently pushing Edward towards his piano. He pulled Bella along and they sat together on the bench. I went to stand next to my husband as the sound of my favorite filled the room.

"She's lovely," I told Carlisle quietly. "Just perfect from him."

"I think you might be right, love," Carlisle agreed. I faked an eye roll.

"Of course I am," I replied, and he laughed gently. I heard the music fade away and Edward tell Bella it was my favorite.

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant," Bella told him. I smiled softly.

_Play her the song you wrote for her_, I told my son and I heard the now recognizable tune began. How many times had I heard him play this song in the last few weeks?

"Come on, love," Carlisle whispered to me, placing his arm around me. "Let's give them some privacy." He gently lead me into our kitchen. I heard Alice and Jasper go back upstairs.

"She's wonderful," I said to my husband excitedly. "And have you seen how happy he is with her? And the way he never let go of her hand? Oh, this is perfect," I gushed. Carlisle chuckled gently at my exuberance once more. Now I was no longer try to act calm in front of Bella I couldn't contain my excitement.

"He does seem happier," Carlisle said cautiously.

"Happier?" I scoffed, somewhat annoyed by my husband's lack of excitement. "She's brought him to life."

"He's been alone too long," Carlisle agreed. "But how can it end well?" I knew he was thinking of what Alice had claimed were the only two options for the end of Bella's life.

"Alice has been wrong before," I reminded him. I had to believe that things would turn out all right for Edward, despite what Alice had seen. It just had to – he deserved that much.

"Not often," Carlisle argued softly.

"Carlisle, Bella is what he wants," I said with mock sternness, and then I gently pushed him again the wall, causing him to chuckle at me once more. "It'll work out, somehow."

Carlisle cupped my face, and gently rubbed the end of my nose with his. "You're a hopeless romantic," he told me before kissing me. I pulled away and started walking back towards the main room. Carlisle caught my arm in the doorway.

"Let's give them a little bit longer," he said to me. I heard Bella ask about us.

"Are happy to see me happy," Edward replied. "Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me… She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." I couldn't argue with Edward's assessment of my reaction.

"Come on, Miss. Nosy," Carlisle chided me jokingly, pulling me back into the kitchen. "Now I have to go check something upstairs before I go to the hospital." I smiled at him. Despite having his entire collection mesmerized, Carlisle always liked to double-check something he had read if he felt it was in relation to one of his patients. "You leave the young lovers be," he ordered jokingly.

"Do I have to?" I joked. Carlisle pulled me to him for another kiss. We separated just as Alice skipped into the room, followed by Jasper.

Carlisle tapped my nose jokingly. "No nosing," he said before leaving.

"Does this mean I now have to try and keep two over excited females away from Bella," Jasper said with faked exasperation, looking at his wife.

"It's going to be stormy tonight," Alice told me. "It would be a good night for a game. Are you going to come?" I nodded. "I'll go ask Rosalie and Emmett, and Edward, once he's done telling Bella Carlisle's history."

"Ask him to bring Bella," I told her. "And I'll go ask Rosalie and Emmett." I wanted another chance to talk to Rosalie.

She was under a car again, this time Emmett was acting as the jack.

"Hey, Esme," he called cheerfully to me.

"Alice said there's going to be a storm tonight. You two up for a game?"

"Of course," Emmett said instantly.

"Is _she_ going to be there?" Rosalie asked icily.

"I don't know. I told Alice to invite her though."

"Come on, babe. You always love a good game," Emmett encouraged. I knew he was trying to help her come to turns with our family's new situation.

"Don't expect me to be nice to her," Rosalie said coldly in reply.

"Just courteous," I replied, the warning clear in my tone. Rosalie didn't have to like Bella, but that was no reason to be rude to her. Bella herself hadn't done anything to her. "Rosalie?" I said warningly when she didn't reply.

"Yes, Esme," she finally replied tiredly. Knowing I would get nothing else out of her, I decided it was best to leave her to Emmett, while wondering how we had ever gotten along without him there to comfort her, as I often did when she was annoyed.

As I walked back into the house I heard a crash above me from Edward's room.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," Bella said breathlessly, clearly playing around. It was strange to hear my son, who for so long had truly believed he was monster, now joking about it. I couldn't help myself, so I listened into their conversation. I heard Alice and Jasper go in to the room.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have any to spare," Edward replied. Once more I smiled at his joviality. The Edward I had known for decades never acted so carefree. Alice then went on to ask if Bella would come to the game. She said yes, as I'd known she would. I had to smile at her perceptiveness when she asked Alice if she would need an umbrella. Then Alice and Jasper left the room.

"Vampires like baseball?" Bella asked.

"It's the American pastime," Edward replied.

"What happened to not being nosy?" Jasper's voice surprised me as him and Alice walked into the room.

"You're worse than me," Alice said.

"No. No, she's not," Jasper disagreed, shaking his head. Alice rolled her eyes at him.

"You'll be happy to hear that since she doesn't play you get to spend lots of time with Bella tonight," she said to me. The smile that spread across my face proved her right.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

To my surprise, Edward was angry when he arrived home.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, confused by the change in his tempement. He had been all smiles when he left with Bella.

"Wolves," he hissed furiously.

"I thought there wasn't any wolves left?" I asked, still confused.

"No, but there's still their descendents. Very interfering descendents."

"Don't worry, Bella outsmarted him," Alice informed us. Edward relaxed.

Sensing now was a good time to change subject, I asked if would be picking Bella up later. He nodded in reply, as a soft smile appeared on his face.

"Won't the chief be there?" Emmett asked.

"Bella's going to officially introduce me as her boyfriend," Edward told us, his smile had now widened. I clapped happily, unable to control my happiness anymore.

"That's great, Edward. Now you two really are a couple," I squealed.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were running to the clearing we used for baseball when Alice gave a squeal of laughter. We all turned to look at her.

"Edwin," she managed to choke out between laughter. We all looked at her confused. She seemed to notice our attention. "Sorry," she said quickly. "Just Bella's dad is funny."

"Ha!" Emmett laughed. "He called Edward 'Edwin'?"

"Not to his face, though it was close. He nearly did before deciding against it." We all laughed then.

Carlisle shook his head with amusement. "I've always liked Chief Swan," he told us with a grin.

"So has the chief tried to shot Edwin yet?" Emmett asked Alice with a grin. I noticed Rosalie's vindictive smile at that idea.

"Unfortunately, no," Alice replied, pouting.

"So when do Edwin and Bella join us?" Jasper asked her.

"This 'Edwin' thing is going to get very annoying, very fast, isn't it?" I muttered in my husband's ear as we arrived in the clearing.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was sat on the rock at the side of the clearing with Rosalie and Emmett when the strangest sound filled the air. It sounded like someone was laughing. All six of us looked up in interest – Alice and Jasper temporarily forgot about their game of catch, the ball remained in Jasper's limp hand, while Carlisle stopped mid-field in his placements of the bases. Somewhere in the distance I could hear the sound of Bella and Edward's voices.

_Was that Edward laughing?_

I realized that I had never heard him laugh like that before. It sounded so natural, like real genuine amusement. I was quickly learning I had never truly understood how miserable Edward had been beforehand, because I had never seen what he looked like when he was truly happy. Finally, they both came into sight. Edward was leading Bella by the hand, just like Carlisle often did with me. Just seeing something so simple between the two of me made me excited once more, and I had to remind myself yet again that a manically happy vampire might just frighten Bella away (though I was beginning to think even that wouldn't manage to scare).

As the two of them walked into the clearing, Rosalie stalked off. I stood up and walked towards them, Emmett followed me after glancing worriedly at Rosalie's back. I knew he was desperate to meet Bella properly, as he had never really spoken to her at school.

"Was that you we heard, Edward?" I asked as I approached.

"It sounded like a bear choking," Emmett explained.

_No, it didn't. You sounded happy, Edward. I'm so glad for you._

"That was him," Bella said quickly before he could defend himself. I found myself liking this girl more and more.

"Bella was being unintentionally funny," Edward explained with a smile.

Alice skipped over to us. "It's time," she announced.

"Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett joked. He spoke to Bella as if this wasn't the first time they'd ever had a conversation, but that was just Emmett's way. He was friendly to everyone. Alice and Emmett disappeared onto the field.

"Are you ready from some ball?" Edward asked Bella enthusiastically.

"Go team!" Bella said, trying -and failing- to mimic his enthusiasm. I guessed she was more like me. I was not a big fan of sports, preferring to stay at the sides and watch my family play. That's how I became our family's referee. That, and the fact that they were a bunch of cheaters, even Carlisle could be bad as time.

"Shall we go down?" I asked softly to Bella, who was still staring after Edward, open-mouthed. I tried to stop my soft smile from becoming a grin. 

_There is no doubt she is as enamoured with him as he is with her. _She quickly attempted to reassemble her expression and nodded. Keeping a comfortable distance between us, for despite the lack of any obvious fear I still didn't want to scare her, we begin walking towards the field at Bella's pace. I was long use to having to walk at human pace, so had no problem sticking to her speed.

"You don't play with them?" she asked shyly. I wanted to kiss her forehead and tell her she had no reason to fear me.

"No, I prefer to referee – I like keeping them honest."

"Do they like to cheat, then?"

"Oh yes – you should hear the arguments they get into!" I remembered one from our last game of baseball, just before Bella arrived in Forks. It had started out as a simple argument about whether Emmett was out or not, but had turned into a full-on family riot once Rosalie and Edward had got involved. I'd had to use my 'angry mother' voice - as I'd heard my children call it -and loudly too. I'd also had to do my best impression of an angry wife, since Carlisle (who'd been on Emmett's team) had decided getting involved was a better plan than trying to stop them. I smiled at the memory, but hoped they would all behave better today with Bella here.

"Actually, I hope you don't, you would think they were raised by a pack of wolves," I told her. I heard Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett all grumble under their breath at the comparison.

"You sound like my mom," she said with a laugh, and I laughed too. That was one of the greatest compliments she could ever give me.

"Well, I do think of them as my children in most ways. I never could get over my mothering instincts – did Edward tell you I had lost a child?"

"No," she murmured. She looked shocked and I suddenly felt guilty for putting her in such an uncomfortable position, though I'd only wanted to be honest with her and show she was truly a part of our family - we could only ever be truly honest with each other.

I decided just to say the next part quickly and get it over with now I'd brought it up. There was no need to make her more uncomfortable than she already was.

"Yes, my first and only baby. He died shortly after he was born, the poor tiny thing." I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me as I thought of William. Remembering my promise to get this over with quickly, I continued. "It broke my heart – that's why I jumped off the cliff."

"Edward just said you f-fell," she stammered. How like Edward.

"Always the gentlemen. Edward was the first of my new sons. I've always thought of him that way, even though he's older than I, in one way at least. That's why I'm so happy he found you, dear." The term I used to address my other children fell easily off my lips. I suddenly realized that if Alice were correct she would be one of my children one day. Much as I knew Edward was opposed to the idea, I couldn't help but be a little thrilled by it. "He's been the odd man out for far too long; it hurts me to see him alone."

"You don't mind, then?" she asked hesitantly. "That I'm all wrong for him."

"No. You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow," I told her reassuringly.

The question was 'how?', I couldn't help but add in my thoughts, therefore ruining any chance I had of reassuring myself. Once more I thought of the two options Alice had said there was. One was unthinkable, and the other I knew Edward would never accept. I looked at Bella, wondering what she would think if she knew about that option. I believed she would see it as I did, eternity with the man you love, not the way Edward did. But she would have to convince Edward, which would be a difficult task.

I stopped at the edge of the field; everyone was in their starting positions.

"All right. Batter up," I told them. Alice threw the ball and it went straight into Jasper's hand.

"Was that a strike?" Bella whispered to me. I smiled slightly – she really did know nothing about baseball. Not that I ever had until Emmett and Edward had taken the time to teach our entire family the proper rules.

"If they don't hit it, it's a strike," I told her.

This time, Emmett managed to hit the ball. It went flying across the field and into the forest with Edward hot on its tail. I listened carefully, waiting for either the telltale sound of the ball hitting the ground or Edward's hand.

"Home run," Bella murmured beside me.

"Wait," I cautioned, still listening closely to the ball and Edward. I heard the recognizable sound of a ball being caught. "Out!" I declared, just as Edward emerged from the forest, ball in hand and smirking over at his brother.

The game continued as normal. At one point Carlisle and Jasper collided, beside me Bella jumped up, as if she was worried they were hurt. I smiled once more at her naivety.

"Safe," I declared calmly, and watched Bella relax.

Once Edward had caught the third out he came over to talk to Bella. Unable to help myself, I listened in discreetly. He teased her for her lack of interest in sport and then began showing off once more. The game continued once more, the same as it usually did, until Alice gasped. Edward's head snapped up as he saw what was in her head, and then in the next instance he was by Bella's side. Whatever Alice had seen, it was not good.

"Alice?" I asked tensely.

"I didn't see – I couldn't tell," she whispered. We had all gathered around her.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"They were travelling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she murmured. I remembered how earlier she had mentioned that there were nomads in the area. Was that what she was talking about. What would we do with Bella if they were nearby?

_We can't let them anywhere near her._

Jasper leaned over her protectively. "What changed?"

"They heard us playing and it changed their path," she said. She sounded as if she blamed herself for what happened.

I glanced quickly at Bella. _If she's here when they arrive…_ No, we couldn't allow that to happen.

"How soon?" Carlisle asked Edward.

He concentrated; obviously the nomads were in his telepathic range, if only just. "Less than five minutes. They're running – they want to play," he answered with a scowl. There was no doubt he did not want them anywhere near Bella, and who could blame him for it.

"Can you make it?" Carlisle asked, his eyes on Bella.

"No, not carrying-" he cut off. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting." The way he said it sounded ominous. What could he hear in their minds that suggested they might do that? Where they sort of traditional vampires who looked at our way of life with courteous respect, or the sort that looked down at us scornfully? His comment suggested the latter, which didn't bode well for Bella.

"How many?" Emmett asked Alice.

"Three," she answered tersely.

"Three!" he scoffed. "Let them come." As he flexed his muscles I knew Emmett was thinking of fighting them and nothing more. He did not understand the risk Bella would be in if she found herself in the middle of a vampire fight. For what if one of them managed to get past us, or what if one of us forgot she was only human in the heat of a moment? No, a fight could end in disaster.

We all watched as Carlisle deliberated. "Let's just continue the game. Alice said they were simply curious." Obviously he had decided we needed to act as normal as possible, in the hope of being able to talk to these vampires, and come to an agreement.

"Are they thirsty?" I whispered to Edward, too quiet for Bella to hear. If they were, they might not be able to listen to reason. Edward shook his head slightly and I felt relief wash over me.

"You catch, Esme," he said. "I'll call it now." He moved to stand in front of Bella. For once I didn't even consider arguing against an attempt to involve me in the game. Edward would not want to be any further away from Bella than necessary right now.

As I took Edward's place, I purposefully angled myself so I was as near as possible to Bella. I noticed Alice do the same.

"That won't help," Alice said to Edward's suggestion to take Bella's hair down. "I could smell her across the field." It seemed impossible that these vampires could come and join us without noticing there was a human on the pitch, but we had to try. We couldn't allow them anywhere near Bella.

The game continued with apathy. Nobody cared about the score now, probably a Cullen Family first.

We all heard the approaching footsteps, and turned in the direction they came for. There was little we could do but wait and hope.

_Oh, sweet little Bella. I hope you make it out of this OK. _

I tried to imagine how Edward would react if she didn't, but it was a horrible idea, unthinkable. He had only just found his slice of happiness; he couldn't lose it so soon. He deserved more than that.

* * *

**Again, quite a lot of it was simply coping up Twilight, but obviously that's what happens when you're writing in canon during the Saga timeline. There was also a little bit based on the deleted scene from the Twilight movie, which I just love because it's so sweet.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always :)**


	80. The Hunt

2005

_Carlisle_

Three vampires emerged from the forest.

"We thought we heard a game," the one acting as leader said. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James." He gestured to the other two vampires.

"I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." I deliberately included Bella, knowing not to do so would bring more attention to her.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked.

"Actually, we were just finishing up. But we'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area for long?" I hoped not, for we would have to keep a very close eye on Bella, or any of Forks humans for that matter.

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time."

"No this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves." We had fallen into a more relaxed conversation, with Jasper's subtle help. If I could keep him talking long enough until I give Edward an excuse to take Bella away, then hopefully everything would turn out fine.

"What's your hunting range?" I knew what he meant by that, but I ignored the presumption behind it. Now was not the time to get defensive.

"The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent residence like ours up in Denali."

"Permanent? How do you manage that?" he asked curiously. I felt just a little bit more hopeful. He seemed genuinely interested.

"Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably? It's a rather long story?" If they followed us home, then Edward could take Bella home and stay with her. She would be safe. I didn't miss how James and Victoria shared an incredulous look at the word 'home'. I could tell they were not going to be co-operative to our lifestyle.

"That sounds very interesting, and welcome. We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while." I noticed him take in my family's appearance.

"Please don't take offense, but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand."

"Of course," Laurent agreed. _As long as they stick to the agreement, then Bella and the rest of Forks should be safe._ "We certainly won't encroach on your territory. We just ate outside of Seattle, anyway," he laughed gently, and I forced myself to keep my face neutral, disgusted by his causal attitude.

"We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us – Emmett and Alice, you can go with Edward and Bella to get the Jeep," I kept my voice casual, so as not to show the importance of that statement. It seemed we were going to get out of this. I knew Edward would keep Bella safe. But just then a breeze blew over, carrying Bella's scent with it.

James whipped round staring at Bella. As James stepped into a crouch, I heard Edward snarl defensively.

"What's this?" Laurent exclaimed, surprised.

"She's with us," I said sternly to James, making sure he knew we would defend her.

"You bought an snack?" Laurent asked incredulously, he took a step forward.

"I said she's with us," I corrected firmly.

"But she's _human_," Laurent protested incredulously. Like so many traditional vampires, it was clear he saw humans as nothing more than food.

"Yes," I heard Emmett say from my side, and I knew he was reminding them that they were outnumbered. James straightened out of his crouch, but he was still staring at Bella. Looking at her like a human hunter would a deer. Tracking her movements. It was unnerving.

"It appears we have a lot of learn about each other," Laurent said soothingly.

"Indeed," I replied, keeping my voice cool. Out of the corner of my eye, I was still watching James.

"But we'd like to accept your invitation." Laurent's eyes flickered over to Bella for a second. "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hurt in your range, as I said." I studied him for a moment, he was being genuine I deduced. Laurent was not a risk to Bella right now. James, however, had looked disbelievingly, and him and his mate could still pose a risk.

"We'll show you the way. Jasper. Rosalie. Esme?" I called. _Get Bella out of here, son! Go with Emmett and Alice - take the Jeep._

I heard their footsteps disappearing slowly at human pace.

"Shall we?" I said to the three nomadic vampires. James and Victoria looked at each other.

"We'll pass," James sneered. He and Victoria turned to walk away, Laurent stayed where he was. James and Victoria looked at him expectantly and I realized that Laurent was not the true leader of this coven, James was.

"I'd like to you see your … home," Laurent said to me. James and Victoria gave him one last incredulous look before leaving the clearing. Surely they would not go after Bella, not when they knew she had three vampires guarding her.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"There's something you're not telling us," Jasper said accusingly. We were at home by now with Laurent, waiting for news from Edward, Emmett, and Alice. I didn't know if Edward would send the others home, and watch Bella himself, or keep them nearby for extra protection, in which case we would expect a phone call. It depended how big a risk Edward thought James' interest in Bella posed. All things considered I thought he would choose the latter option. For though I would not think James and Victoria would risk taking on a coven as large as ours simply over a human, something about James' reaction on the field suggested that he could. Plus, even if the threat to Bella was small, Edward would still want her as protected as possible.

Laurent sighed. "James is a tracker. If he has decided he wants the girl, he'll do anything within his power to have her. Once an idea is in his head, he's impossible to shake. The only way to stop him from pursuing her until he has her is to kill him." I felt my stomach twist at the idea. I had never intentionally harmed another vampire before, nor had any of my family aside from Jasper. I was certain we could if we wished – we all knew the theory even if we didn't have the practise. Much as I didn't revel killing anyone, even a monster like James, if it was the only way to save Bella, it would have to be done. Not just because my son loved her – though that, of course, was a huge part of it – but because she was the innocent party here.

"I ask again, is she worth it?" Laurent continued.

"Yes," I said instantly, my face hard. Esme and Jasper's expressions matched mine. I knew Jasper's opinion on Bella had changed dramatically ever since that family conference weeks ago, now she was his beloved Alice's best friend. Though Edward's love for her may have had some sway over Jasper, it was Alice's love for her that bound him to protect Bella. Rosalie, on the other hand, seemed to agree with Laurent's words.

"It is not unusual for a vampire to want a human. What is unusual is to keep them human," Laurent said to us, still looking confused.

"Yes, but as I have explained, we see things differently in this family," I replied. The sound of both the Jeep and Bella's recognizably noisy truck could be heard in the distance. Once they got closer Bella's heartbeat could also be heard. The fact that they had brought her back here suggested the worst had happened.

They burst through the door almost as soon as we'd heard the engines stop. Emmett, who was carrying Bella, placed her down by Edward's side, growling slightly at Laurent as he did so.

"He's tracking us," Edward announced glaring at Laurent.

"I was afraid of that." To his credit he did look genuinely unhappy.

I heard Alice explaining the plan they had come up with to Jasper. The two of them were going to take Bella down to Phoenix – the very same place they'd allow the tracker to hear her claim she was going, and therefore the last place he'd look.

"What will he do?" I asked Laurent, my voice disturbingly grave. I was already fairly sure of the answer.

"I'm sorry," he answered, already confirming my worst suspicions right. "I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off."

"Can you stop him?" I asked without much hope.

Laurent shook his head. "Nothing stops James when he gets started."

"We'll stop him," Emmett declared, and it was obvious what he was thinking off. At this point, I couldn't even argue with his plan, for what other choice was there?

"You can't bring him down. I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven." Laurent confirmed what I had already suspected at their parting – James was the leader of their coven. He shook his head, glancing over at Bella before turning back to me. "Are you sure it's worth it?" The enraged roar that came from Edward answered his question for me.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice," I said gravely. I was fairly certain he would not be returning to James' coven after what had happened, but I needed to be certain.

Laurent deliberated for a moment, taking in his surroundings.

"I'm intrigued by this life you've created here. But I won't get in the middle of this. I bear none of you any enmity, but I won't go up against James. I think I will head north – to that clan in Denali." He hesitated for a moment. "Don't underestimate James. He's got a brilliant mind and unparalleled senses. He's every bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on … I'm sorry for what has been unleashed here. Truly sorry." His apology was somewhat ruined when he flickered another puzzled look at Bella. However, there was no time for this.

"Go in peace," I said formally. With one last look around him, Laurent disappeared. "How close?" I asked Edward. Behind him, Esme had set the shutters off over the windows to give us privacy.

"Around three miles out past the river; he's circling around to meet up with the female."

"What's the plan?"

"We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south."

"And then?"

"As soon as Bella is clear, we hunt him," Edward said, his tone deadly. As much as I didn't like the idea, I knew as long as he hunted Bella she was not safe. This was the only way to stop him.

"I guess there's no other choice," I agreed grimly.

"Get her upstairs and trade clothes," Edward commanded Rosalie.

"Why should I?" she hissed. "What is she to me? Except a menace – a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us," she added venomously. I waited for Edward's angry retort.

"Esme?" he said calmly, surprising me. It was evidence of how Bella had changed him, but I didn't have time to reflect on that.

"Of course," Esme murmured and she carried Bella upstairs.

"Bella's not that bad, babe," Emmett said to Rosalie.

"She's not worth risking our lives for," Rosalie spat back.

"Rosalie, Bella is a part of this family now, and we protect our family," I told her. She simply glared at me.

Edward and Alice began running through the plan with me. We all went to get what would be needed. I picked up the spare cell phones we kept for emergencies.

Alice and Esme brought Bella back into the living room and I passed them both a cell phone.

"I love you," I whispered in Esme's ear as I passed her the phone.

"Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Bella," I told her. I pretended not to notice the death glare Rosalie sent my way, trusting that Esme would speak to her while they were together – she had always had a better chance of getting through to Rosalie than I did.

"Alice, Jasper – take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south," I told them, and they nodded. "We're taking the Jeep," I said looking at Edward and Emmett.

"Alice?" I asked. "Will they take the bait?" She closed her eyes and became still for a moment before opening them again.

"He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that," she said with certainty.

"Let's go," I said with grim determination, and began to walk into the kitchen. Emmett followed me, but Edward moved to Bella's side. He pulled her to him and kissed her with passion. Then without a word, he turned and followed us. I didn't know what to make of his display. In that one action, he had shown me how deep his love fore Bella ran, but the look in his eyes as we left worried me, and he wondered how badly he could get hurt because of said love.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were all disturbingly silent as I drove. Edward was still tuned into James' thoughts, growing quickly more frustrated as James moved in and out of his telepathic range. Even Emmett was uncharacteristically silent. We knew what we had to do and why we had to do it. The plan was simple, lure him away and then attack him.

We stopped the Jeep. James was nearby. He had followed our lure, but was far enough away that if we stopped and got out he would not be able to tell that Bella wasn't with us. Now we had to turn the tables and chase him.

"And so the hunter becomes the hunted," Emmett muttered with a smile.

"Let's just get this over with," I said.

"It's not like he doesn't deserve it," Edward growled furiously.

_I never said he didn't. We will finish this quickly, make Bella safe, and then you can return to her._

"OK," Edward said tensely. Our plan was simple enough. Edward would pursue James, leading him towards where Emmett and I waited, and together we would take him down.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"No!" Edward shouted. "No! Damnit!" He punched a nearby tree, causing it to crash to the ground. After hours of useless chasing, James had managed to escape us. He had appeared to be heading into Vancouver; we couldn't chase him there, surrounded by humans.

"Edward?" I asked cautiously.

"I can't hear him again, Carlisle," he growled, frustrated. "I don't know where he's going or what he's planning."

"Edward, calm down. We'll phone Alice, she can tell us where they are." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled.

"Alice?" I said as soon as she picked up.

"Carlisle," she said in answer.

"Has anything changed?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, worried. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"We think James may get on a plane. We need to know where he is planning on going. Have you seen him?"

"I just saw him. He was a dark room, watching a VCR, and then there's a room of mirrors. I don't know where though yet."

"Carlisle, pass me the phone," Edward asked tensely. I did as he asked, knowing he would want to speak to Bella. I purposefully tuned out their conversation, trying to respect their privacy.

"We need to find the bastard," Edward growled as soon as he put the phone down. And so our hunt began again, but I couldn't help but think it would be fruitless. _And what will we do next?_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I picked the phone up as soon as it rang. Alice started speaking before I could even say hello. Her visions were off Bella's house. The tracker was going to Phoenix. Edward took the phone off me as soon as Alice mentioned James being anywhere near Bella. I listened as he told her we would go to Phoenix. The tension had increased once more; we were up against a clock now. We needed to get Bella away from Phoenix before anything could happen to her. Edward was wired the entire journey to Phoenix, tense, as if he could explode any minute. Like earlier we travelled in silence, even Emmett, for I knew any words of comfort would not be comforting to Edward now.

I knew something was wrong the minute we arrived in the airport in Phoenix. Edward started rushing through the corridors, so fast I had to remind him to go at human speed. The minute we stepped into arrivals and saw only Alice and Jasper I knew what had him so irate. _Where is Bella?_ They came to stand with us as fast as they could without looking inhuman.

"We need to go," Edward hissed furiously.

"Edward, I'm sor-" Jasper began.

"It's not your fault. But we need to go," he repeated frantically. Without another word, we began to move as fast as possible through the airport. Alice was lost in her visions, and Edward was concentrating on her mind.

"We need a car," Alice announced. Quickly she found the fastest car in the parking lot. I sat in the driver's seat. Alice needed to concentrate on her visions, and Edward was in no fit shape to drive.

"Tell me where to go, Alice," I said. I drove the quickest I ever had.

"No!" Alice exclaimed suddenly, I tried to press down harder on the accelerator but I was already going as fast as I possibly could. "She's bleeding!" Alice said frantically.

Finally, we eventually arrived at the ballet studio where James had Bella. We all ran inside as fast as possible, Edward was even further ahead than usual.

"Oh no, Bella, no!" I heard Edward's horrified shout, just as the rest of us turned the corner. Alice and Emmett launched themselves at James, while I rushed to Bella's side.

I could hear the sounds behind me as I looked over Bella's injuries – and I knew someone had just been ripped apart. I looked back to make sure it was James and not one of my own children, but turned my attention back to Bella once I saw Alice, Jasper, and Emmett where fine. Edward was beside me, frantically calling Bella's name.

"Carlisle!" Edward said in agony, before returning to repeating Bella's name hysterically.

"She lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep," I told him calmly, knowing he needed me to stay composed. I continued to inspect Bella's injuries, trying to think of her as just another injured patient. She groaned quietly in pain. "Some ribs too, I think," I continued.

"Edward," Bella said. The two of them spoke as I continued to inspect Bella's injuries. Behind me, I heard the smell of fire. James was no more – Bella was safe from him. Her injuries were severe, but not life threatening. As long as we got her to a hospital soon she would survive. Everything was going to be OK. I allowed myself one moment of relief.

Alice came to stand over with us, her face on Bella, concentrating. I noticed her eyes were pitch black. She was struggling with her thirst, but I knew she didn't want to leave Bella anymore than Edward did. Emmett and Jasper must have left after burning the pieces of James.

"Can't you do anything?" Edward demanded of me, in response to Bella's frantic complaints about pain.

"My bag, please," I said to Alice, I would have some morphine in there. "Hold your breath, Alice, it will help."

"Alice?" Bella groaned.

"She's here, she knew where to find you," Edward told us, as I begin administrating pain relief.

"My hand hurts," she mumbled.

"I know, Bella, Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

"My hand is burning!" she screamed.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was frightened. All three of us were staring at Bella now. _She can't mean what I think she does…_

"The fire! Someone stop the fire!" she screamed.

"Carlisle! Her hand!" Edward shouted. I looked at her hand for the first time as I had been distracted by her larger injuries, and saw the bite mark there.

"He bit her," I said, I couldn't hide the disgust from my voice. _She's changing. She's going to become one of us. _I looked at Edward, watching for his reaction. He was staring at Bella's thrashing body in horror.

"Edward, you have to do it," Alice said.

"No!" he bellowed.

"There may be a chance," I told him. I knew Edward did not want Bella to become a vampire. He would never forgive himself if she were changed like this. Regardless of what Alice had seen, he had to know all the options available to him. It was his choice.

"What?" he begged.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." As I spoke I began bandaging Bella's head wound. If we were going to do this I needed to act quickly. She had already lost so much blood; we couldn't risk her losing anymore.

"Will that work?" Alice asked tensely.

"I don't know," I admitted. "But we have to hurry."

"Carlisle, I," Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that," he said, agonized. I wished I could do something to help him. That I could be the one to do it for him, but I couldn't. I needed to stem Bella's bleeding if she was ever going to survive him removing more blood from her. Plus, it had to be his decision. If he loved her enough to want to save her, then he should be able to stop. He loved her enough to do so.

"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

"Edward!" Bella screamed. Her thrashing movements were jostling her broken leg.

"Alice, get me something to brace her leg," I ordered. I was still working on stemming the bleeding on her head, but she was still losing a lot of blood. If we waited much longer either the venom would have spread too much or she would have lost too much blood to survive the removal of any more. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."

I saw the determination flicker into my son's eyes. He held Bella's bitten hand gently, and carefully placed his lips to it. As Bella began to thrash around worse due to his actions, Alice and I held her down. Her blood began to smell clean. I looked over at Edward, to see if he would stop.

_Careful, Edward. You need to stop. You could kill her, son. _

Edward pulled his lips from her hand. His lips were smeared red with blood.

"Edward," Bella whispered frantically, her voice barely a whisper.

"He's right here, Bella," Alice said comfortingly.

"Stay, Edward, stay with me…"

"I will." I could sense the triumphant behind the strain in his voice.

_You did good, son. I'm proud of you._

"Is it all out?" I asked.

"Her blood tastes clean. I can taste the morphine," Edward replied.

"Bella?" I said to her. She mumbled incoherently in response. "Is the fire gone?"

"Yes," she sighed gently. The relief in the room was tangible. "Thank you, Edward."

"I love you," he answered.

"I know," she replied. Edward laughed quietly. It was a relief to hear him laugh after all the tension of the past day.

"Bella?" I asked again.

"What?" she replied, sounding annoyed. I assumed she just wanted to rest after what had happened to her.

"Where is your mother?" I asked.

"In Florida," she sighed. "He tricked me, Edward. He watched our videos." She was too worn out to sound properly outraged. "Alice," she called suddenly, sounding more alive. "Alice, the video – he knew you, Alice, he knew where you came from." Alice looked surprised, turning to stare at a small camcorder none of us had noticed earlier. Without a word, she went and picked it up.

"I smell gasoline," Bella muttered randomly.

"It's time to move her," I said.

"No, I want to sleep," she complained.

"You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you," Edward said soothingly. He had picked her up, cradling her in her arms. "Sleep now, Bella," he whispered. The morphine seemed to be doing its job and she fell asleep.

"We need to take her to a hospital," I announced. "But we'll need a plausible reason for her injuries."

"We could say she fell," Alice suggested.

"It would take a rather large fall," I said doubtfully. Alice eye's glazed over for a second.

"She fell down a flight of stairs and through a window at the hotel," she told us.

"Is that plausible?" I asked. Alice and Edward shared a look.

"With Bella – yes," Alice replied with a grin, even Edward smiled slightly. But then he looked down at Bella in his arms and his face became serious once more.

"Em, Jazz, and me will go create an accident scene at the hotel. You two take her to the hospital." Alice disappeared. I followed with Edward, who couldn't run as fast because of Bella. We got to the car.

_You did good today, son. You saved her._

"Did I?" he asked despairingly as he laid her down on the backseat.

* * *

**RL – it gets in the way some time, but I'll spare you the rant.**

**Another chapter that really, really did not want to be written!**

**Yes, I snuck a few movie quotes in there again.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :) This story went over a 1000 reviews between this chapter and the last - which is just amazing. Thank you all very much :)**


	81. Afterwards

2005

Carlisle

The flight home was nearly as quiet as the flight there. We should have been elated – Bella was safe. She was returning home a day after us with her father – her mother had wanted her around as long as possible.

But still silence crept into us all. Yes, Bella was safe, but for how long?

Emmett and Jasper had flown ahead of us last week, as our cover story claimed that only Edward, Alice, and I had followed Bella down to Phoenix.

Edward was lost inside his own head. As he had watched Bella thrash on the floor, he had seen a snapshot of her possible future -according to Alice- and I knew he didn't want that. From the few conversations I'd managed to have with my son while Bella was at the hospital, sat by Bella's bedside with him, I gathered he was blaming himself for what had happened. He thought he had put her in danger. He had told me, laughing without humor, that him and Bella were at an impasse. She wanted this life, just like Esme had said she would, but Edward didn't want to give it to her. I could see why not – she was young and had a whole life ahead of her, how many times during my period of loneliness had I told myself I could not change a human because of that?

Alice was sat with the camcorder in her hand, the volume too low for humans to hear, watching the tape again. She had finally found the truth about the human past she had longed to know about for so long. Now she wished she hadn't. Her parents had locked her away in an asylum and left her in the dark for years, all because of the visions she'd had even as a human. I had tried to comfort her, telling her that no matter what her human parents had done, she would always be my daughter, and Esme's. That her ability was something she should celebrate. She had looked me straight in the eyes and asked me what I would have done. Back in the 1920's, if I'd had a patient like her. My guilty look had answered her before I could speak. Back then, we had thought we were doing what was the best – it was only in retrospect the medical community could see how badly mistaken we were. I had tried telling her that, but she didn't seem to listen.

Overhead the airhostess announced we would be landing in twenty minutes.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Esme and Jasper were waiting for us in arrivals. Jasper silently walked over to Alice and took her hand. There's was a quiet but burning love, and that one gesture showed more affection than you would have thought possible for something so simple. Jasper had protested profusely about having to leave Alice in the state she was in, but he had known we had to cover our tracks, and I had promised I would look after her.

I gave my wife a gentle hug, delighted to see her after the weeks apart. We had talked on the phone, but it was not the same as being with her.

"I missed you," she whispered.

"I missed you too," I replied. I gave her a quick chaste kiss, unwilling to do anything more in the middle of the airport. I let go and Esme hugged Edward as well, telling him how glad she was Bella was OK. He just shrugged in response.

Together we all went to the car, my Mercedes.

"Did you drive here?" I asked my wife in surprise.

"No, Jasper did," my wife replied.

Jasper shrugged. "Have you ever tried to get your wife behind the wheel of a car?" he asked jokingly. With a slight smile, I got into the car and so did the others.

"When does Bella come home?" Esme asked Edward.

"Tomorrow with Charlie," Edward answered.

"You should bring her over again once she's feeling better," Esme told him. "We'd all love to see her."

"Maybe," Edward agreed solemnly.

"We're here," I announced, pulling into our driveway. I pulled into our garage and stepped out of the car. I could tell Rosalie and Emmett were home. Emmett came bounding out of the door to greet us in his usual cheery way. We followed him through to the living room, where Rosalie was determinedly watching the TV. She turned it off as we walked in and turned to us, as if she'd only just realized we were home.

"Hello Alice. Hello Carlisle," she said in greeting. There could be no doubt she had purposefully missed Edward out.

"Hello Rosalie," Edward spat out before any of us could say anything.

Rosalie had opened her mouth to reply, when Esme intervened. "Not now," she said, shaking her head. She was looking over at Rosalie. "We've discussed this, Rosalie. Edward didn't do anything wrong." Rosalie didn't look happy, but she didn't argue. "And you." She turned her attention to Edward. "Need to remember your sister has feelings too. Now I want you both to apologize."

"Sorry," they both mumbled. Esme sighed, but she knew that was the best she was going to get. Without another word to any of us, Edward went upstairs. Emmett sat back down next to his wife. Alice and Jasper drifted off to their own room. Without any conscious decision, Esme and I did the same.

"How is she?" Esme asked. "Bella?"

"She'll be fine, physically." Esme looked at me questioningly. "Edward said she thinks he should have let the venom spread."

Esme sighed. "He deserves happiness, but how is he ever going to get it? He can't leave her. He won't change her. She'll die eventually."

"I don't know," I admitted. I pulled her close to me. Unable to resist, I pressed my lips to hers, and before either of us knew what was happening the kiss had become more vigorous, and I had pushed her up against the wall.

"God, I missed you," she breathed.

"I missed you too," I told her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The house was silent as Esme and I finally separated our bodies.

"Well, we certainly know how to clear a house," she quipped, picking up her clothes. I chuckled gently as I picked up my own clothes.

"That we do."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Edward, Alice, and I pulled up outside the Swan house. Alice skipped up to the door and knocked.

"Hi Charlie. I though Bella might need some help," she chimed the moment he opened the door. He smiled at her as he let her in.

"Hello Charlie. Alice and Edward wanted to come visit Bella so I thought I might as well check up on her."

"Thanks doc," Charlie said and smiled gratefully at me. "I can't thank you enough for saving our Bells. If you hadn't been there…"

"I'm glad I could help," I said sincerely. He let us both into the house but I didn't miss the way his face hardened when he saw Edward. According to Edward, Charlie Swan had split thoughts on our family. Though Charlie's mind was hazy to Edward, he could still make out the general gist of his thoughts. He was thankful to me for saving Bella. Of course, he loved Alice. But he was distrustful of Edward, blaming him for what happened to his daughter. I could not blame Charlie for being angry over what happened to his daughter, but his blame was not helping Edward get over the idea that everything was his fault.

"I'm going to help Bella shower so you'll have to wait a bit," Alice shouted from upstairs.

"That daughter of yours is a lifesaver," Charlie told me as we sat down in his living room.

I chuckled slightly. "Alice? Everybody likes Alice. It's one of those side effects of being a loveable, hyperactive pixie," I commented. Edward stifled a laugh and Charlie spluttered on his coffee.

"I heard that," Alice growled, too quiet for Charlie to hear. Upstairs, I heard Bella ask what Alice was talking about. Once Alice had retold my comment to Bella she laughed gently. The sound of the shower came on.

"Do you want a coffee, doc?" Charlie asked, his eyes on the drink in his hand.

"No, thank you," I declined politely.

"You sure. No offence, but you look like you need it." I knew my eyes would have purple rings under them – I was due to go hunting with Esme this afternoon. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"No, I was at the hospital." _Not that I would have slept had I not been._

"Shouldn't you be at home in bed then. When did you last sleep?" _Oh, about three hundred and forty years ago. _Beside me I knew Edward was attempting to hide a smirk at my inner monologue.

"Yesterday afternoon. I'm a doctor, Charlie; I know the importance of sleep. Don't worry about me."

"Just don't like the idea that we're keeping you from your bed. Again, thanks for-"

I cut him off. "I'm happy to help, Charlie."

"Just promise you'll go to bed once you get home," he said.

"I promise," I said with a slight smile. _Preferably with Esme…_

"Not appreciated," Edward muttered under his breath.

"Bella's all washed and dressed now," Alice announced as she came down the stairs. She was doing a good job of keeping up her bubbly persona, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was a bit forced. In the days since our return to Forks, Alice seemed to have become more like her normal self again, but I knew the contents of the tape were still weighing heavily on her mind, even if she didn't show it on the outside.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" I asked as I walked into her room.

"Fine," she replied, as always. I began inspecting her injuries, with Edward hovering over my shoulder.

"How's your leg?"

"The cast is annoying, but aside from that it's fine. Are you sure you couldn't pull some strings so I can have it removed early?"

"Bella, your cast has to stay on until your legs fully healed," I scolded gently.

"Worth a shot," she muttered. Behind me, Edward laughed. Bella glared at him. I stifled a chuckle. _That just gets funnier every time. What do you call it again? 'Kitten anger'?_

"Everything's healing just fine," I told her. "Do you need anymore painkillers?" Bella shook her head.

"She hasn't taken her last ones," Edward told me.

"I don't need them," Bella said defensively. I decided to leave them then. I looked over my shoulder once I'd arrived at Bella's doorway. Edward was sat at Bella's side, stroking her hair lovingly. His lips ghosted to her forehead for a second. Such simple gestures, but they screamed volumes about the depth of his love for her. I shut the door behind me to give them some privacy.

"We need to go, Carlisle," Alice called up the stairs to me. She smirked at me as I reached the bottom. "Apparently, you need to go catch up on your, um, _sleep_."

**Short but sweet :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always :)**


	82. Reviewing the Past

2005

_Alice_

For so long I had wondered how I had come to be who I was. I had never known anything but the future. The past had been of no importance to me, but still it was in the back of my mind, sniping at me. Once I finally met the Cullens, I realized they all clung to their respective human pasts in one way or another, especially Rosalie. And after all those years of wondering, I finally knew the truth. My human life had been worthless. I remembered nothing because I was kept in the dark all the time, not even worthy of sunlight. Nobody had cared for me. Except one man – one man whose name I didn't even know. That man had deemed that I was worth saving.

In all honesty, I wished I hadn't learned.

Esme had decided to come talk to me, but she had yet to decide what she was going to say. The knock on the door came thirty seconds after the vision.

"Come in, Esme."

"How are you, dear?" she asked as she sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm fine," I lied. She looked at me sceptically. I should have known better than to try and pull the 'I'm fine' line with Esme. She could always tell, 'mother's intuition' she called it.

"I wanted to tell you something but I'm not sure if it will help or not," Esme said gently. I saw what she intended to say.

"Your sister was placed in an asylum?" I asked incredulously. "Why didn't you stop them?" I couldn't hide the accusation from my tone.

"I tried," Esme said softly. "Believe me, Alice, I tried my best to keep her safe. I just couldn't do it." Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

Feeling incredibly guilty, I hugged my mother for a minute. "I'm sorry, Esme. I believe you."

"Grace … Grace had what we would nowadays refer to as learning difficulties. If I had to guess I'd say she probably suffered from autism. But obviously they don't know about such disabilities in the early twentieth century. My father, my father wanted a … normal life. Or what he thought of as normal anyway. He wanted sons to run the farm with and obedient daughters to marry off. But he never got what he wanted. He got one headstrong daughter and one … 'different' daughter. He grew resentful, because his life didn't turn out the way he'd though it should, and he blamed Grace and me, and our mother, for only providing him with these two abnormal daughters."

"Do you think my father was like that? That he resented me?" I asked bitterly. Of course they did, they threw me into an asylum.

"I don't know, Alice. I only know what my parents were like," Esme answered softly.

"So what happened to Grace, in the end? How did she … end up in an asylum?" I asked curiously.

"I'm assuming you know what happened to me as a human, Alice?" Esme asked gently. We had never directly spoken about her past. I nodded at her, remembering the horrific visions I now knew where off her. "Grace overheard me when I told my parents about Charles, and after I had left she got … mad with them. And my father decided enough was enough. He'd wanted to do it for ages, but I'd always tried to stop him. I tried to protect her. It just, it just wasn't enough. When father told me I got so angry with him, for the first time in a long time. But I couldn't do anything to help her. I couldn't even help myself. That was when I decided I had to leave. I'd just found out I was a pregnant. And I, I couldn't have my son suffer at the hands of his father the way Grace did in the hands of ours."

"Oh Esme," I murmured.

"The reason I'm telling you this is because, because I loved her. And despite what your parents did to you, I bet someone loved you too as a human. We'll never know, obviously, but I'm sure someone did. A sister or a brother maybe. Or even your mother or father. I think my mother did love Grace in her own way, she was just tied down by my father's resentment. Differences aside, Grace, Grace was such a sweet little child. And I bet you were too. You still are." She leaned over and ruffled my hair.

"Don't you think we should leave the hair ruffling for the boys?" I joked while straightening my hair. I was trying to bring her back to the present. To remind her she that now she had a husband who loved her and five children who adored her. I was so thankful to her, for being willing to relive her bad memories to help me. For she had shown me that it wasn't black and white. That my human family might not have simply hated me and abandoned me without a second thought. That perhaps I'd had a sister who tried to fight my corner like Esme did for Grace. That maybe not everyone who'd known me as a human had despised me.

"I'm allowed to ruffle all my children's hair," Esme shot back jokingly.

"Even Rosalie's?" I retorted.

"Ah…well," was all Esme said in reply and then we both laughed.

"I might try and find out more about them, my human family that is. There has to be some sort of record." I saw Jasper and I looking around different mental asylums, searching for clues.

"If you want. You might not like what you find though…" Esme said gently.

"I know. I just want to know, either way."

"Perhaps once you've finished this school year," Esme suggested. I nodded. I wouldn't miss my senior year at Forks High for anything, not when I would be spending time with my best friend and future sister, while watching my favorite brother be truly happy at last. I looked into the following year and saw how happy Edward and Bella would be, arguments about immortality aside.

"I wouldn't want to miss the Edward and Bella show," I joked and Esme giggled.

"It certainly has been an interesting show so far." Her voice went from joking as grave as we both thought about what had nearly happened. But I knew it was going to be OK, I could see them happy in the future. Edward would cave eventually and give into Bella's demands for immortality, that I knew for certain, for the vision never changed. He just needed to realize how truly joyful his life could be if he did. To accept that immortality wasn't a curse. Look at me; it saved me from a life of darkness. Look at Esme; it did the same, except the darkness was metaphorical.

I wanted to ask Esme what happened to Grace in the end, but stopped myself as I saw the answer. Grace died in the asylum shortly after being placed in it, much to Esme's grief. I had already dredged up enough bad memories for my mother for one day.

"Thank you, Mom," I told her as I hugged her again.

"Any time, Alice. You're my daughter and I love you."

* * *

**Sweet little moment between Alice and Esme. We haven't had much Esme and Alice bonding yet.**

**Just a quick note, Alice's visions about Edward and Bella's future are before Edward's decision to leave in New Moon, so she's seeing what would have happened if he hadn't left.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	83. Forever Young

**Updated 12/4/11.**

* * *

2005

Bella

"I still can't believe you made me go to _prom_, of all things, Edward," I grumbled. He had just brought up the idea of prom pictures. The only thing more unsettling than having been dragged to prom was the conversation we'd had there. Our impasse still had not changed. I wanted to enjoy the summer with Edward, this gloriously drizzly summer, but there was the ever-present threat of my birthday in September looming over me.

We were in my truck on the way to the Cullen house. Rosalie and Emmett had left this morning for their trip to Africa, and Edward had said Alice had taken Jasper hunting last night and so they probably wouldn't be back yet. Carlisle would be at the hospital, so it would only be us, and Esme, Edward's loveable mother for all intents and purposes. I had seen Esme quite a lot since school broke up for summer a few weeks ago. Whenever I visited the Cullen's house she was always there with a bright smile, eager to see me, and to use her kitchen for a change. I'm sure if I'd allowed her to she would have spent hours in there, cooking elaborate meals, as it was I constantly only ever asked for sandwiches.

"So I take it that means you don't want to see the prom pictures then?" Edward asked with false sweetness, turning round to smile crookedly at me from the driver's seat. Which caused me to suddenly forgot why I was mad at him.

"N…no," I managed to say somehow. "Shouldn't your eyes be on the road?" I demanded, trying to find an excuse to pull his dazzling gaze from me so that I could regain control of my speech. Edward laughed, but dutifully turned his head back towards the road. But though he was no longer looking at me with his piercing golden eyes, I still couldn't stop myself from staring.

Finally, I remembered about the threat of prom pictures. "There's no pictures anyway," I reminded him assertively.

"Really?" Edward asked me teasingly, turning back to look at me again while quirking an eyebrow. "Are you certain?" I tried my hardest to remember if anyone had taken pictures of us at prom. I didn't think anyone had.

"Yes, no one took any pictures of us at prom," I insisted.

"I wasn't talking about _at _prom," Edward said mysteriously. "You know normal humans like having their picture taken," he added pointedly, though I could telling he was just teasing.

"Since when was I a normal human?" I retorted. Edward laughed.

"Good point," he conceded. "We're here," he announced as we pulled up outside the large white house. Before I could say anything he was out of my truck and opening my door.

"Thank you," I told him as I stepped out. He offered me his arm to help get out, even though I'd finally had my cast taken off by Carlisle a couple of days ago.

Edward was looking at the house. His face looked as if he didn't know whether to scowl or be amused.

"Let's use the side door," he suggested evenly.

"Why?" I asked suspiciously, heading for the front door instead.

"Fine," he conceded, following me at human pace to the front door. "But don't say I didn't warn you." As I got closer I could hear someone giggling loudly inside the house.

"Alice must be home already," I declared happily. I loved Edward's bubbly sister – despite her seemingly never-ending desire to play 'Bella Barbie.' "She's not planning of giving me a make over today is she?" I asked cautiously.

Edward smirked. "It's not Alice."

_Then who? Surely Rosalie would never laugh like that, and anyway her and Emmett aren't here._

As I was pondering, Edward had opened the door and I followed him in. Carlisle was sat on the sofa with Esme on his lap; it was her who was giggling. It looked like Carlisle was tickling her. Edward cleared his throat and Esme stood up quicker than I could follow her movements.

"Oh Edward, Bella, we didn't hear you arrive," Esme said rather breathlessly. She looked rather embarrassed, though her marble features did not betray her embarrassment the same way mine did. I knew I was probably bright red by now.

"How did you not hear Bella's truck?" Edward asked her.

"Hey!" I protested. "No bullying the truck."

"I really don't see what's wrong with Bella's truck. Why do you all insult it? So it's a little loud…" Esme said.

"Finally," I mumbled. "Someone who doesn't hate on the truck. I like my truck."

"I like your truck too, dear."

"Esme, what kind of truck does Bella have?" Carlisle asked her, with what looked like – unless I was very much mistaken- a smirk. The expression made the already impossibly youthful doctor look even younger.

"An old one," Esme replied, crossing her arms defiantly. This earned a chuckle from both her husband and son.

"My point exactly," Edward chimed in.

"Would you like something to eat, Bella, dear?" Esme asked me, pointedly ignoring the two men. "Perhaps once you're finished eating these two will have grown up and realized there's more to life than cars."

"Sure, Esme, thanks," I replied, following her into the kitchen.

"Did you have any breakfast this morning?" Esme asked.

"Oh, um, just a granola bar," I mumbled.

"Bella," she scolded lightly. "That's not very much. Isn't breakfast supposed to be the most important meal of the day for humans?"

"Well, um."

"No matter, dear, I can make you something. We're got eggs – I could make scrambled eggs, or pancakes. We should also have some sausages and bacon in here," Esme said, opening up the fridge to reveal it was ridiculously full considering I was the only one who ever ate out of it. "I could do a full breakfast. You want waffles or pancakes? Or both? And I can make you some coffee. We should have some juice around here as well. Plus, I can make some toast to go with it-"

"Just some cereal should be fine," I told her. She then proceeded to reel off a list of cereal brands.

"I can make my own cereal if you want," I told her, standing up from the table.

"Oh no, dear. It's fine. You sit down," she insisted, gently pushing me back down into my chair. Once she had passed me my bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, she sat down opposite me.

"Sorry if we surprised you earlier," she said with a smile.

"Oh no, it's fine," I said quickly.

"But…?" she added. I was quickly learning you couldn't hide from Esme's motherly instincts. She knew when something was wrong almost instantly and when you were trying to hide something.

"But it was slightly weird," I admitted. "You looked so…" I tried to think up the right word, "young."

Esme laughed gently. "We are only in our twenties," she reminded me.

"I suppose. By the way, do you know anything about any prom pictures?" I asked, remembering Edward's mysterious answers in the car.

"Guilty as charged," Esme said with a laugh. "You looked so nice it seemed a waste to not get a picture."

"Just one picture?" I questioned suspiciously while wondering when on Earth she had managed to take it.

"Well, I may have got a bit carried away and taken a few more. Edward's never been to prom before."

"When?" I asked, still trying to recall her taking pictures, surely that would have clued me in to what was happening.

"Well, I didn't want to give away Edward's surprise so I might have taken them incognito," she admitted cheerily.

"Sneaky vampires," I muttered under my breath – certain Edward would have known about this beforehand and not tried to stop her.

"Again, guilty as charged," Esme said with a laugh. I had forgotten she would hear me. Edward and Carlisle came in to the kitchen then. Edward sat down next to me and Carlisle sat with Esme. I finished the last of my breakfast while the three of them talked. By the sound of it, Esme had managed to get Carlisle to agree to take a couple of days of sick.

"Finished," I announced. I had planned on standing up and rinsing my bowl, but Esme was already at the sink - bowl in hand.

"I want to see these prom pictures," I told Edward forcefully, turning to glare at him. He only chuckled at me,but also took my hand and began leading me out of the kitchen. Just as we got to the doorway I heard a splashing noise and a gasp. I turned around to find Esme playfully glaring at her husband, who was stood next to her at the sink.

"Carlisle Cullen, you did not just splash me," she growled.

"Maybe, love," Carlisle replied. He was smirking at her again; the expression still looked weird on his usually composed and serious face. But it was nice seeing Edward's parents acting so young and carefree around each other. They had been married for decades and yet they still acted as if they were in the throes of new love. That was what I wanted with Edward. I wanted immortality. Not simply so I would live forever, but so I could live forever with Edward. Just like Carlisle and Esme, I wanted our love to never burn out.

"I do apologize for my parents," Edward said as we walked through the living room. "I told you we should have used the side door."

"I like seeing them like it. Together and young forever. That's what I want us to have." Edward sighed at my words but didn't take the bait.

"Do you want to see these prom pictures or not?" he asked.

"By the way," I began while he loaded up the computer and attached the digital camera, "why was Carlisle tickling Esme when we came in?" Edward laughed once more.

"Long story short, Carlisle doesn't appreciate nicknames." I decided not to ask further, choosing instead to sit on Edward's lap. I felt him go tense for a moment before relaxing and wrapping one arm round my waist. This was what I wanted for eternity, the two of us together.

Next door, I heard the sounds of what sounded like a splash fight in progress, and I wondered if, eighty years down the line, Edward and I would also be like that, still young and in love, or if I'd be old and decrepitated by then, and Edward long moved on – for how could he possibly love me in my nineties?

The first picture had loaded up by now, it was of me in my prom dress. Esme had somehow managed to take it with me looking at her – I was seriously beginning to wonder how I had not noticed she was taking pictures. Underneath me, I felt Edward's body shake as he began to laugh. I turned around just in time to watch two dripping wet vampires ascend the stairs and I couldn't help but laugh as well. I could hear Carlisle and Esme also laughing from upstairs.

"Why are there no pictures of you?" I asked Edward.

"I told Esme that was where I drew the line," he explained. He lowered his lips so he was whispering in my ear. "I just wanted as many pictures of you as possible. To show you that you truly did look beautiful that night."

I 'humph'ed in response, causing Edward to sigh once more. I suppose Alice had done an amazing job with me – not that I would ever admitted that to her face- but I was also certain that if Edward had been in any of the pictures I would had paled in comparison.

"Your mother's like a vampire camera ninja or something," I mumbled to Edward, continuing to search through the multitude of pictures which were all of me. Esme had not been joking when she said she got carried away.

"I think I'd make a rather good ninja," Esme mused from behind me; I hadn't realized she had come downstairs again. She had changed into some dry clothes. "Don't you think, honey?" she called to Carlisle, who had also returned downstairs. For some reason, Edward groaned at this.

"I think you better test that theory out, love," Carlisle replied calmly. Then, without another word, they were both suddenly gone again.

"Erm…?" I said, looking at Edward for an explanation. The sound of laughter could be heard drifting in from the back garden. I had to assume they'd left the kitchen door open on the way out.

"Like I said, Carlisle doesn't like nicknames."

"It's good to know even vampires have embarrassing parents," I told him.

"That we do, Bella, that we do," Edward replied with mock solemnity.

* * *

**I couldn't end this chapter for the life of me – each ending felt like it cut off abruptly so I continued. It still sort of does feel like that to me but I really had nothing else to add.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. What did you make off my take on Bella?**

**Also quick transatlantic question – do you understand what Esme meant when she said 'full breakfast' because over here we sometimes call them 'full English breakfasts' and I wondered if that means you do get them elsewhere or if it's a British thing. Obviously the Cullens are American, so I'm hoping the former is true. These are the sort of questions you can't really find the answers to via. Google.**

**The next chapter is the start of New Moon - let the angst fest begin!**


	84. Disastrous Party

2005

_Esme_

"There!" Alice declared proudly, putting the last candle down. "Just right!"

"It looks lovely, dear," I told her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course it does," she said.

"I can't wait to see her face when she walks in," Emmett said excitedly. "Does she blush?" he asked Alice.

"Of course," Alice told him. "Esme, you and Carlisle need to go get changed. I've laid your outfits out on your bed," she said as she began to guide Carlisle and me up the stairs.

"Oh, I do hope she likes our present," I said to Carlisle as I changed into the purple dress Alice had chosen for me.

"I'm sure she will, love. It'll be nice for her to get a chance to see her mother again."

"But we spent money on her," I muttered. Carlisle chuckled.

"I believe that's the point of presents, darling." I laughed along with him.

"You knew what I meant. I suppose she won't mind. It's not like we went completely overboard and allowed Edward to buy her an island or anything."

"And what's wrong with going completely overboard and buying an island, may I ask?" Carlisle said in faked defensiveness.

"Absolutely nothing," I conceded. With a chuckle, Carlisle gave me a quick kiss. The sound of a noisy truck in the distance could be heard.

"The guest of honor is here," he announced, and we quickly made our way downstairs.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" we all chorused as she walked through the door. She blushed deeply, and Edward pulled her closer, planting a gentle kiss to the top of her head. As always, I almost exploded with happiness when he acted so affectionately towards her.

I hugged her carefully, kissing her forehead. Once I'd let go, Carlisle placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in." I laughed softly, more at the look on Alice's face than Carlisle's words.

"If it wasn't for me, they'd be no party," Alice muttered, but it was too quiet for Bella to hear. _Somehow, I think Bella would have preferred that._

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett told Bella with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced like always."

"Thanks a lot," Bella said, turning a deeper shade of red. No doubt that had been Emmett's intention, since he laughed at her – not unkindly though. "I have to step out for a second." He winked at Alice. He was off to put Bella's new stereo into her car for her, since Alice had foreseen Bella not doing so if they left her to do it on her own accord. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try," Bella promised.

Alice skipped forward. "Time to open presents," she declared, pulling Bella towards the table with her presents on it. Bella grimaced.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-" Bella began.

"But I didn't listen," Alice interrupted smugly. "Open it." Alice took the camera Bella was holding and forced a large silver box – which I knew contained nothing – into her hands. Carefully, Bella began to tear the paper off. After staring at the box she had just unwrapped in confusion for a few seconds, she opened it. Her expression became even more confused. I had to hide my smile and I knew without turning around that the rest of my family would be doing the same.

"Um…thanks," Bella told us. That line made it impossible for us all to hide our smiles any longer.

"It's a stereo for your truck," Jasper explained with a laugh. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she said with a grin. She was clearly taking the joke in her stride. "Thanks, Emmett!" she shouted, though he would have heard her perfectly clearly without her raising her voice. As Emmett's laughter came from outside, we all joined in.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice trilled, her voice was at its most high pitched, which always meant she was excited and couldn't control it. She held out the second present to Bella. I couldn't wait to see Bella's reaction to this present. With a little help from Alice, Edward had managed to record and save all his compositions onto a CD. Having seen Bella's enraptured face when she watched Edward play, I just knew she was going to love it. _Plus, she can't even complain Edward spent money on her._

Bella turned to give one of her amusing –at least in my family's opinion – glares to Edward. "You promised," she told him, in a voice I assumed was meant to sound threatening.

"Just in time," Emmett announced gleefully as he pushed his way past Jasper for a better look.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured her. He brushed a strand of hair from her face lovingly. I resisted the temptation to mentally coo at him over his loving gesture. He had made it very clear to me over the summer that it wasn't appreciated.

With a weary sigh, Bella turned to Alice. "Give it to me." Emmett chuckled and we all had to try and keep a straight face again when she rolled her eyes at Edward as she begin opening the package.

"Shoot," she muttered, just as the room was filled with a cloying scent I recognized all to well. Human blood. Fresh, flowing, human blood. My throat burned as the delicious scent of blood washed over me. I stared ravenously at the drop of blood on Bella's hand. _It's Bella. It's Bella. You don't want to attack Bella. Edward loves her. Your son loves her. He'd never forgive you._

"Stop breathing," Carlisle ordered in my ear as he grasped hold of my waist, imprisoning me in his arms. The small rationale side of me I was still clinging to accepted the sensibleness of his order. Forcing myself to do as he said, I cut off my air supply, pressing my hand against my mouth and nose as if it would help. Though I was no longer breathing it in, the scent still lingered on my tongue, tempting me.

Edward roaring "No!" brought me from my own thirsty daze. It was all over in less than ten seconds. From my place in Carlisle's arms, I watched as Jasper slammed into Edward, as Emmett locked Jasper in his grip. As Jasper snarled and struggled, his eyes pitch black, his face wild.

Another noise caught my attention and I saw Bella laying in a mess of glass and cake. But my attention was drawn to the blood oozing out of her arms. Even without my sense of smell – for I still had not begun to breath again – I could only imagine how tempting that blood would be. How it would feel slipping down my throat – cooling the burn that tormented me within. I was brought back into our living room when I felt Carlisle tighten his hold on me.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," Carlisle ordered with calm authority.

"Come on, Jasper," Emmett said, no trace of amusement in his tone for once.

"If I let you go, are you going to be OK?" Carlisle whispered in my ear. I nodded, looking away from Bella, or more specifically away from her bloodstained arm. I flitted over to open the glass door so Emmett and Rosalie could get Jasper out more easily. But my eyes were unable to stay away from Bella, and the delicious feast that her arm promised.

_You can't stay here!_ I ordered myself sternly, knowing I had to leave before I fully lost control.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I managed to cry out, disgusted when my throat burned worse from the brief hint of her blood I caught. I turned on my heel and quickly followed the others into the yard.

As the four of us entered the fringes of the forest, I finally felt safe enough to breath properly again. I noticed Emmett do the same. Jasper was no longer fighting against Emmett's grip. His face was no longer wild, but anguished and I knew he was back in his rational mind, and no doubt disgusted by himself.

"Jasper?" I asked cautiously. His eyes were trained on the floor.

"If I let you go, are you going to be OK?" Emmett asked him. Silently, Jasper nodded. Emmett finally released him from his grip. Jasper didn't even seem to notice. He just stood there, looking deflated.

"Jasper?" I said again. I wanted him to say something. Or at least to look up at us.

"I should go," he said to the floor.

"No," we all said in unison, even Rosalie.

"Jas-" I began again, but he cut me off. He turned to look at me, the self-loathing plain on his face, his eyes burning with anguish.

"You were there, weren't you, Esme? I just tried to kill Bella. Without even a second thought. Edward will never forgive me, and who can blame him? I'm a monster. I don't belong here. I never belonged here." He shut his eyes slowly at the end of his outburst, took a deep breath, and then, without another word, he ran. Without missing a beat, the three of us chased after him.

"At least wait for Alice," I called at the figure running in front us. He slowed down slightly, finally coming to a stop.

"Don't you dare run away from Alice," Rosalie growled at him.

"I don't deserve her," he muttered woefully. "I never deserved her."

"She disagrees," I reminded him. "And what happened today, Jasper, it wasn't your fault."

"Not my fault?" Jasper screeched incredulously. "Esme, how can you-"

I cut him off. "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault," I told him forcefully. "You're not the only one who struggled in there," I admitted.

"Yeah, bro, I nearly went for her myself," Emmett told him.

"But neither of you attacked her," Jasper insisted. I shook my head.

"If Carlisle wasn't holding me back…" I trailed off. _Would I have?_ The disturbing thing was I didn't know the answer.

"Jazz?" Alice's voice rang around the forest.

"Alice," he exclaimed. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh," she said comfortingly. She came to stand by his side, taking one of his hands in both of hers. "None of that," she admonished him softly. "It wasn't your fault."

"So I've been told," he muttered bitterly.

"We should all hunt," I declared softly. All four of them nodded their agreement. We were all unusually quiet as we hunted.

"Edward's going to join us," Alice told us, beside her I saw Jasper grimace. "We should wait here." I buried my spent carcasses while we waited, feeling much better now I had satisfied my thirst. It was only a minute later when I heard Edward's familiar footsteps.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Jasper said as soon as he arrived.

"I'm not angry at you," Edward said softly. "None of this was your fault." Jasper's brow furrowed in confusion, and I assumed he replied mentally. "That's not aimed at you," Edward continued, his voice was calm but eerie. There was something about it that scared me.

"Then who? Because that – that is a lot of anger, Edward," Jasper told him, scanning his brother's face. Edward just shook his head. I could ony imagine one other person he would be angry at - himself.

_This wasn't your fault either, Edward._

I couldn't tell if he heard me or not, his attention was on Alice now. She was glaring angrily at him, the two of them were clearly communicating silently.

"What other option is there?" Edward spat at her despairingly. Alice didn't answer out loud.

"Go back to Bella," Alice finally said out loud.

"Edward," Jasper said, cautiously. "No matter what you all tell me, this is my mistake. I don't know what you're planning, but it's going to hurt you, Edward. That much I can feel already. You shouldn't suffer because of my mistake. I'll do whatever you want to make this right. I'll leave, if that's what you want." He looked over at Alice, despair in his eyes. I knew what he was thinking. If Alice chose to leave with him, it would only increase his guilt.

"No one has to leave," Alice insisted. Her eyes were trained on Edward. "Go back to Bella," she repeated. She said it with heavy emphasis, as if there was a double meaning behind her words.

"I'll come with you," I told Edward. Alice would help Jasper now, but Edward needed me. The look in his eyes made that obvious – he was hurting.

_What are you planning?_ I asked him with trepidation as we ran.

"What's best for Bella," he said. His voice was the same enotionless monotone he'd used earlier. It was a tone I recognized well. The one I had used when I had shut down during my newborn year. To hear it on Edward scared me. What was Edward planning that would hurt him so much he would want to try and shut himself down like I had?

_And what's best for Bella?_

He sighed. "We're nearly home," he told me. I stopped running and he copied me relunctanly. I took in my son. I could see the defeat in his posture, the conflict in his eyes. There could be no doubt in my mind who he blamed for the entire incident. I just had to stop his tendency to over-react ruining everything he had with Bella.

_We will make it through this as a family. All of us. Whatever it takes. We'll do what's best for you and Bella._ I tried to be encouraging, to show him we could make it past this.

"We'll do what's best for Bella," he said vehemently.

_It's the same thing, _I told him forcefully.

"No," he said. His voice had a hard edge to it. "No, it's not."

_Edward, you're scaring me._ He was. What was he planning on doing? What was it that seemed to be ripping him up inside already, when he hadn't even executed his plan yet?

"I should get back to Bella," he told me.

_Of course._

I ran alongside my son to our home – and I worried. I tried to shake the thought from my head, but I couldn't. For I somehow knew it was true. My family always joked about my 'mother's intuition', but there was truth in it. I looked at my son running beside me, and I was filled with fear for him. The worst part was I knew the wheels were already in motion, I could do nothing to stop whatever was about to happen

_Something terrible is going to happen next. Whatever Edward's planning, it's going to hurt us all, but him most of all. Oh, Edward, whatever you're planning, please reconsider. You deserve happiness, please don't ruin everything because of tonight._

"I don't deserve anything," Edward spat out, and then he used his superior speed to run ahead of me.

"Edward!" I shouted after him, trying my hardest to catch up. It was no good. I couldn't stop what had been started now - all because of one tiny spot of blood.

* * *

**This chapter was a headache to write - trying to get everyone to react properly afterwards. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always :)**


	85. Stitches

2005

_Carlisle_

"Let me be, Edward," I said to my son, who was crouched protectively over Bella. He thought for a second, before nodding at me and relaxing his stance. I knelt beside Bella and began inspecting her arm.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing me a towel.

"Too much glass in the wound," I told her. Reaching over, I ripped a long, thin scrap of material from the tablecloth and tied it round Bella's arm to make a tourniquet.

"Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?" I asked softly. I was fairly certain she would choose to stay here – less fuss.

"Here, please," she whispered.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," I said to Edward. He lifted her, while I kept the pressure steady on her arm.

"How are you doing, Bella?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she said, fighting to keep her voice steady. I should have known better than to expect any other answer. Edward's face hardened at her words. His eyes were pitch black, perhaps it was the coloring, but they looked cold and dead. _Are you sure you can manage, son? You know I can take good care of Bella. Go catch up with the others and hunt – and then come back to Bella._

Edward shot me a look. He sat Bella down and I sat opposite her, going to work on her arm at once. Edward still stood over her protectively, determinedly not moving.

"Just go, Edward," Bella sighed.

"I can handle it," he insisted defiantly.

"You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air," Bella insisted. She winced as I continued to inspect her arm.

"I'll stay," Edward said determinedly.

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella mumbled. In other circumstances I would probably have laughed at that line. However, there was no denying it was currently the truth.

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now," I told him.

"Yes," Bella agreed eagerly. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added. Edward's eyes narrowed but he finally nodded and left the room.

As the local anaesthetic I had just administered began to spread through Bella's arm, Alice got up and left as well. I heard her stop outside the house.

"Well, that's everyone," Bella sighed. "I can clear a room, at least." I forced myself to smile at her attempt to be light heartened.

"Go to the others, Alice, I'm just watching Bella," I heard Edward's voice say. Clearly, he had not gone far. I didn't hear Alice's answer so I assumed she had replied mentally.

"It's not your fault," I comforted Bella with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."

"_Could_," she repeated. "But it usually just happens to me." I laughed again – there was no denying it was true.

Outside, I knew Edward and Alice were still not far away. I heard Alice leave with a harassed sigh, as I began removing the glass from Bella's wound.

_Edward, you need to go too. You need to hunt. It will make life easier for everyone if you don't return to Bella thirsty. Surely, you know she's in safe hands?_

I heard Edward head further into the forest, until I could no longer hear him.

"How can you do this?" Bella asked me. "Even Alice and Esme," she trailed off, shaking her head.

"Years and years of practise," I told her, remembering the decades I had spent battling my bloodlust. "I barely notice the scent anymore."

"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time? And you weren't around any blood?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, remembering the times I had returned to work after we had been forced to hide. The blood had been perhaps slightly more noticeable for the first few weeks, but not exceedingly so. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." That much was true, I would never abandon my work unless it was necessary for my family. "I enjoy my work too much." I continued removing the glass shards from Bella's arm.

"What is it that you enjoy?" Bella asked.

"Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my… enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times," I explained thoughtfully. Certain all the glass splinters were gone; I reached into my bag for a needle and thread.

"You try very hard to make up for something that wasn't your fault," Bella told me as I began sewing up her skin. "What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so _hard_ to be good."

"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," I disagreed. "Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given." I remembered my early decades again, my determination to do good with what I had become. My idea that God could have made this happen so I could save lives, not take them. It was an idea I still believed in.

"That makes it sound too easy," Bella said. _No, Bella, it was anything but easy._ I remembered fleeing from a medical student with a bleeding finger. How different I was now, the only one who did not suffer when Bella cut her finger. I knew exactly what my family had been through tonight, I only wished I had someway to stop them from suffering. But that was how I had gained my control – through suffering.

"There," I announced, snipping a thread. "All done."

"In the beginning, though," Bella said, as I began bandaging her arm. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"

I smiled at her. "Hasn't Edward told you this story?"

"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…" I was thrown back to my newborn year. The determination not to hurt anyone. The disgust at what I had become. I had not thought to try a different method, rather stumbled across it, but I had known from the start I could never go for the obvious method. As I had burned I had been so certain I was now damned. But as I stood staring at a spent deer carcass I had seen hope once more. It was possible for me not to be a monster. As long as I attempted to do some good with this new life, surely God would support me.

I told Bella about my father as I began to clear up the table with a piece of alcohol-soaked gauze, making certain not a speck of blood remained. Once I was certain I had caught everything, I placed it all into an empty crystal bowl and set it alight to fully destroy it. Bella jumped.

"Sorry," I apologized. "That ought to do it…" I returned to our earlier conversation. "So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or another. Not even the reflection in the mirror." Bella examined the dressing on her arm, and I was certain she had not been expecting the answer I had given.

"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." I grinned, knowing how our casual use of the word never failed to shock Bella. "But I'm hoping that there is a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit. By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."

"I don't think that's foolish," Bella mumbled. "And I don't think anyone else would, either."

"Actually, you're the first one to agree with me."

"The rest of them don't feel the same?" she asked, surprised. I knew whom she was thinking of in particular.

"Edward's with me up to a point. God and Heaven exist … and so does Hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind," I told her softly. I stared out the window as I thought of the many arguments I'd had with my son over this point. I had hoped, perhaps, that having Bella around could help him see that he did have hope. That he did have a soul. If I had to guess I'd say the events of today would have had the opposite effect. "You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."

"That's the real problem, isn't it?" Bella asked. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."

"I look at my … _son_. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him – and it only fuels my hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?" Bella nodded along in agreement. "But if I believed as he does…" No, if I had thought I was taking away their souls, I could never had changed any of my family, not even Esme. "If you believed as he did. Could you take away _his_ soul?" I posed the question in a way that would make her see things through Edward's eyes. I had no doubt she would have told me she would risk her soul for Edward, but she needed to imagine it through his eyes. She bit her lip unhappily – clearly my question had flummoxed her.

"You see the problem," I told her.

She shook her head, her face set stubbornly. "It's my choice," she insisted.

"It's his, too," I reminded her, holding up my hand when I saw she was about to argue. "Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."

"He's not the only one able to do it," she said, eyeing me speculatively. I couldn't help but laugh, trust Bella to figure that one out.

"Oh no! You're going to have to work that one out with _him._" This was Edward's choice. A decision he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Though I did not regret changing any of my family, I still wondered sometimes if it was the right thing to do. Should I have allowed them to die peacefully?

I sighed. "That's the one part I could never be sure of. I _think_, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide." I wanted Bella to see the importance of the decision she was trying to force Edward into. Bella didn't answer, just gave a little shudder.

"It was Edward's mother who made up my mind," I told her, my voice barely above a whisper.

"His mother?" she asked, intrigued.

"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her – she had that same strange bronze hair shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color of green."

"His eyes were green?" Bella murmured.

"Yes…" I was back in the hospital in Chicago as I explained to Bella what happened there. Elizabeth's dying plea. How I had looked at Edward and seen someone pure and young, who deserved a chance to live, and decided I could give him that chance.

"I've never been sorry I saved Edward," I told her. I shook my head, bringing me back to the present. _No, I have never regretted it. _I've second-guessed my decision many a time, but never regretted it.

"I suppose I should take you home now," I said to Bella.

"I'll do that," Edward said, taking me by surprise. I had been so lost in the past I had not even noticed his presence. _How much of that did he hear?_ Edward's eyes were gold again now, but they still looked cold and dead. It was a haunting look, and it worried me.

"Carlisle can take me," Bella said, looking at her bloodstained top.

"I'm fine," Edward insisted. His voice was as dead and flat as his eyes. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." He left the kitchen again.

"He's very upset," Bella said to me anxiously. I heard Esme enter the main room and begin mopping the floor. The smell of bleach drifted in.

"Yes," I agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

"It's not his fault," she insisted fervently.

"It's not yours, either," I told her. I hoped my son could hear this part of the conversation.

Bella looked away from me, clearly she didn't agree. I knew I would not be able to make her see sense, so instead I offered her my hand and helped her off the table. I headed towards Esme in the main room and Bella followed me.

"Esme, let me do that," she insisted as soon as she saw her.

"I'm already done," Esme said brightly. She smiled at Bella. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Bella assured her, of course. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had." We both chuckled at her. Just then, Alice and Edward came through the back doors.

"C'mon," Alice said to Bella. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." As Alice led Bella upstairs both Esme and I turned to Edward.

_How much of my conversation with Bella did you hear?_

"Enough," he stated flatly.

_I was trying to help her see things from your point of view._

"It doesn't matter," Edward exclaimed angrily. "None of that matters anymore. She shouldn't even have to think about that. But she does. Because of me. She nearly died tonight. Because of me."

"Edward?" I questioned out loud. He ignored me, turning to Esme, who I assumed had her own mental questions.

"I told you, Esme. I'm doing what's best for Bella." He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.

"And what are you doing?" I asked.

"Bella's ready," Edward announced flatly. He moved to wait for her at the front door.

We quickly said goodnight to Bella, both of us looking questioningly at Edward. Every since he had met Bella, her mere presence had been able to alight more happiness in him then I'd ever seen. But now, even with her by his side, his face was an unreadable mask. _Hopefully, Bella will be able to get through to him._ The two of them left.

"I'm going back to Jasper," Alice told us.

"Of course," we both murmured. She left the room.

We heard the two of them get into Bella's truck and then depart. The noise from her engine slowly decreased as they travelled away.

"Edward's not going to accept this was just a mistake," I said out loud, as much to myself as to Esme.

"He's planning something, Alice saw it," Esme informed me, her voice shaking slightly.

"Esme?" I whispered, quickly enfolding her in my arms.

"He's going to hurt himself, Carlisle, I just know it. He blames himself. Whatever he's planning on doing, it's going to hurt him. He says he'll do what's best for Bella, but he can't seem to see that hurting himself is not going to help Bella. That it's the last thing she'd want," she told me softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

We both looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps in the distance. Emmett and Rosalie arrived home first. Emmett smiled in greeting before flopping down onto the sofa.

"Emmett, how many times-" Esme began.

"Sorry, Ma," he replied before she could even finish her scolding. Rosalie sat down next to him and the two of them began to watch TV. It was as if nothing of interest had happened tonight.

Alice was home again next. Her face was glazed and distant. She was walking slowly, lost in the future. One hand was grabbing hold of Jasper, who was trailing behind her reluctantly. His eyes were trained on the floor. I wanted to say something to him, to tell him that no one blamed him, but they disappeared upstairs without a word before I could.

I looked over at my wife, and then we both went and joined Emmett and Rosalie in front of the TV. I wasn't watching whatever mindless TV show Emmett had put on and I knew Esme wasn't either. We were both thinking about her son – what he would do next. I knew I would have to speak to him once he arrived home – but what would I say? Nearly losing Bella to James had been enough to make Edward think he should leave her, what would he think now he had nearly lost her due to a member of his own family? He thought he had put her in danger in Phoenix, and there was no doubt in my mind he thought the same about what had happened tonight. _Has he made the same decision again then? To leave her. Is that what Alice is seeing? But Bella will never allow it, and he will never act to hurt her._

I doubt anyone was truly watching the screen that flickered in front of us, except maybe Emmett. He had probably already put the incident behind him, as was his way.

For over an hour there was no sound in our house except Emmett's occasional commentary on the TV, but then we heard Alice gasp upstairs.

"Alice?" Jasper asked her.

"He's decided. He wouldn't change his mind now. The goddamn masochistic idiot."

* * *

**I have to say, I'm kind of thankful the next few chapters won't involve copying out of the book in anyway.**

**You all know what's coming next…**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	86. Broken Promises

2005

_Esme_

Alice confronted Edward the moment he walked through the door.

"It's not going to work!" she insisted. "You're just going to hurt the both of you!" I don't know what she was thinking about, but it caused Edward's face to crease up in pain.

"Alice," I said softly.

"I'm not the one hurting him, Esme," she told me. "He's hurting himself."

"I'm doing what's right," Edward growled at her.

"Will someone please tell us what's going on," Emmett interjected.

"Tell them, Edward," Alice insisted.

"Edward?" I said quietly. _I need to know what you're planning, because you're really starting to worry me._

Edward took a deep breath. "I'm leaving Bella," he announced solemnly. Everyone bar me responded at once.

"Finally."

"What? Don't you think you're over-reacting again, lil bro?"

"Do you honestly think that's for the best, son? It's a little … extreme."

"We can leave. You can't do this because of me, Edward. You forget I can feel what you feel, I won't be the reason you have to feel so much pain."

"I'm telling you it doesn't work. It doesn't change a thing."

"Get out of Bella's future, Alice," Edward shouted over all their voices. I was still trying to comprehend what he'd said.

"You're … _leaving_, Bella?" I finally asked. He turned to look at me – maybe I was imagining it, but there seemed to be a plea his eyes, as if he was begging me to understand.

"Yes," he said.

"No," I said quickly. "Edward, you, you can't…" I thought of how Edward had been since Bella entered his life, how could he just throw something like that away? "You love her."

"That's why I have to leave, Esme," Edward said determinedly.

"No, you don't leave the person you love," I insisted.

"I have to," he snapped at me.

"No, you don't," Alice told him. "It. Doesn't. Work."

"Stop looking in Bella's future!" he screamed at her.

"Why? Because you don't like what I'm showing you. That's what you're going to do to her, Edward. If you don't want to see it, make the visions change. Change your mind."

"Edward, you can't leave her," I whispered.

"She's human. She'll forget and move on with her life."

_I didn't forget._ It had only been a thirty-minute conversation and I had still never forgotten Carlisle as a human.

"It's different, Esme. She'll move on and live the life she deserves."

_Because that worked so well for me…_

"It's different, Esme!" Edward shouted at me.

"Edward," Carlisle said to him. "Perhaps it's best to think about this first. Don't do anything irrational just because of what happened today. Think it through."

"I'm doing what I should have done months ago," Edward growled.

"You're going to drag us all across the country for no reason," Alice told him. "You're going to cause you and Bella a mass of unavoidable pain. And you're going to go back to her eventually."

"I'm going to stay away from her," he promised fervently.

"We've all heard that one before, little brother, didn't work out so well for you now, did it?" Emmett interjected, referring to the time when Edward had promised to stay away from Bella after the car accident.

"Stay out of this, Emmett!" Edward snapped.

"Hey, don't shout at him," Rosalie snapped back. "Though I'm glad to see you've finally come to your senses."

"More like lost all his senses," Alice argued.

"Oh yes, because we all know how much you love Bella," Rosalie said resentfully.

"This is the only sensible thing I've done were Bella is concerned," Edward muttered bitterly.

"Agreed," Rosalie said at the same time that Alice muttered, "More like stupidest."

"Perhaps we should all calm down and discuss this," Carlisle interjected.

"Discuss?" Edward said incredulously. "There is nothing to discuss. This is my decision, nobody else's. And I've made my mind up. I have to do this."

_No, you don't, Edward. You don't have to do anything. You love her and she loves you. What's the problem with that?_

Edward laughed bitterly. "Life isn't that simple, Esme," he said darkly.

_It could be, if you let it._

"But it isn't. I love her enough to leave her."

_That doesn't make any sense._

"If I stay here, she is forever going to be in danger," Edward sighed. "I can't do that to her."

"Edward," I began. I didn't know what I was going to say. I just knew I needed to change his mind. He couldn't do this, he simply couldn't.

"I'm not going to change my mind now. I have to do this. It's time for school. I should go pick Bella up. I need to change first." He disappeared upstairs.

"Aren't you going to get ready for school as well, Alice?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Apparently, I'm not allowed to see Bella. It'll make things worse," Alice said edgily. "He wants us all to move."

"Move?" Carlisle and I both muttered.

"Yes," Alice stated. "And I already see us doing it."

"You all know I'm not a fan of moving, but perhaps it's best to put this incident behind us," Rosalie said calmly, but she was unable to fully hide the smug smile that crept on to her face.

"Where do we move?" Carlisle asked. Alice shrugged.

"You haven't decided yet."

Edward came back downstairs. Everything about him was resigned as he walked to the front door.

_Please, reconsider, _I pleaded. I saw the subtle shake of a head before he left.

"We can't let him do this," I said to Carlisle.

"It's his choice," Carlisle told me. "We can hardly force him to stay with her."

"But he's making the wrong decision," I insisted. "We're his parents, we have to at least try and stop him."

"You can try," Alice told us. "But don't expect to have much luck."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Carlisle knocked on the door.

"Come in," Edward called with a sigh. "I'm not going to change my mind," he told us as we walked into the room.

"Please, Edward. Think about this," I pleaded. Gently taking his wrist, I lead him over to his sofa, sitting him in the middle. I sat down on one side of him, Carlisle on the other.

"I have, Esme," he told me.

Carlisle sighed. "You know we hardly ever change. Only one thing can change us – and that is love. Once that change has happened it is irreversible. You will never stop loving Bella, you do understand that, don't you?"

"I know," Edward told us tensely.

"I just can't comprehend how you can envision living without her," Carlisle said softly, and I knew his thoughts were the same place as mine. Neither of us could ever live without the other. I couldn't even begin to try and imagine my life without Carlisle. It was too bleak. I knew that it would be the same for Edward and Bella, so how could he possibly even suggest the idea. No matter what the situation, I would never be able to tell myself leaving Carlisle would be for the best. I simply couldn't do it.

_How can Edward possibly think he can?_

"You don't understand," Edward insisted vehemently. "Better separate from her than threatening her life. Better we're apart than I kill her because of what I am."

"Edward-" we both began. He stood up suddenly, turning to look at us both. Determination blazed in his eyes.

"I'm not going to change my mind," he insisted. In that moment, I recognized that he was not lying. I knew my son – he was stubborn and determined. As long as he believed this was what was best for her, he would do it.

"What about Bella?" I asked gently. "She's not going to just forget you."

"She will, eventually. She has to. For her own good."

We were never going to convince him, never going to change his mind. That's why Alice's visions were so clear, he wasn't going to change his decision anytime soon. He was going to be leave. The only thing yet to be decided was if he left alone or not, and I couldn't have the first option. Even after all these years, I still worried he would leave one day, and never come back.

I looked over at my husband, and I saw the same recognition on his face.

"OK, we'll leave," I agreed. "As long as we all leave together." Edward nodded.

"I'll put my resignation in with the hospital tomorrow," Carlisle announced glumly.

"I'll go look at houses online. Something we can buy quickly," I announced with just as little enthusiasm.

"Thank you," Edward said. The two of us left, going into our bedroom.

"This isn't right," I said as I began loading up the laptop Carlisle had bought me recently.

"I know," he admitted, coming to sit next to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and I allowed myself to snuggle into his embrace, placing my head in the crook of his neck – the laptop momentarily forgotten about.

"Then why are we doing this?" I whispered.

"What other choice do we have? Edward won't change his mind as long as he thinks he's doing what's best. There is no denying that Bella has been put in danger because of us."

"But she doesn't care. Why can't Edward see that?"

"I don't know," Carlisle admitted gently. "But at the end of the day, we can't stop him from breaking up with Bella. It's his decision."

"I know. But we could refuse to move, that's our choice."

"What if he leaves without us? Could you watch him walk out the door again, not knowing when he might be back?" I shook my head, and that was the problem. That was why I had agreed to this.

"Could you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No." Carlisle's voice was as quiet as mine when he replied. Still feeling unsettled by what I was doing, I picked up the laptop and logged in. Together we searched through the properties available until we found the perfect one. A large house in need of some work in Ithaca, NY.

"I'll make the call tomorrow," Carlisle told me glumly. We both knew this was our acceptance of what was happening, though neither of us wanted to accept it. I didn't want Edward to leave Bella. I didn't want to leave Forks.

_But what other choice is there? Edward isn't going to change his mind…_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I stood pacing in our now empty main room. The rest of my family had gone up ahead, as Edward had requested, but I had remained behind. I knew what he was planning to do this afternoon, and I couldn't face the thought of him returning to an empty house. Nobody should have to go through something like that alone.

I heard the sound of Edward's car in the distance, it got closer and closer until it stopped outside our house, but I heard no footsteps. No movement. Worried, I quickly went out the front door. Edward was sat in his car, his head in his hands. He made no other movement. Somehow, I wished he would sob or cry – this disturbing stillness was worse.

"Edward?" I whispered. His head flickered up.

"Esme?" he said in surprise. "Why aren't you with the others?"

"I couldn't bear the thought of you being alone after this," I told him. He shook his head, but still made no other movement. I opened the car door and gently coaxed him out of the car, holding onto one of his arms. It felt like he would collapse if I didn't keep hold of him. Not from physical exhaustion – for that was impossible for us – but sheer mental torture.

"Mental torture," Edward said darkly. His voice was weak and shaky. "I didn't even hear your thoughts early, I was so wrapped up in my own."

_You can still change your mind. We don't have to leave. I can phone the others to come home._

"No," he said determinedly. His voice regained its strength. "I've said it now. I can't take it back." I led him upstairs into his room, where the boxes of his belongings we were taking in his car were. Cautiously, I let go of his arm as he knelt down beside a box. He picked up what looked like the cap of a drinks bottle. Before I knew what was going on, his head was on his knees and his arms were around his legs, as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible.

"Edward?" I said frantically, rushing to his side instantly. He looked up and I saw the pain on his face.

"Mom," he muttered. I hugged him tightly, uncertain what else to do. I could think of no words of comfort. I could do nothing more than hold my son in a loving motherly embrace.

I have no idea how much time had passed when Edward finally moved. Slowly, like someone waking, he moved. He picked up the bottle cap he must have dropped earlier. I stood up as he did. I moved to pick up one of the boxes.

"Leave it, Esme," Edward said. "I have no need for any of it." He was staring at the bottle cap in his hands, looking like he could collapse again at any moment. I gently grabbed hold of his arm again, leading him downstairs and to his car. Without a second thought, I took the car keys from pocket and sat him down in the passenger's side. He couldn't drive in the state he was in.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was trying to concentrate on driving the car – I hadn't driven since Rosalie's lesson over seventy years ago – but I soon learned that vampires could drive and think of other things with ease. I wished that wasn't the case. All I could think of was Edward. How broken he was – already.

"You're driving." Edward broke his silence to speak for the first time in over an hour.

"Yes," I replied, waiting for the sarcastic comment Edward was sure to make. My hatred of driving had long become a standing joke to my children, particularly Edward and Rosalie. He didn't say anything though, returning to staring out the window. We lapsed into silence again. After about half an hour, Edward's phone rang.

"Hello Carlisle," he said into the receiver. "Yes … bye." I looked over at him expectantly. "Pull up in about a mile," he told me.

The rest of my family were waiting for us outside some tacky human food stop. I got out of the car, but Edward didn't move. Carlisle came to stand next to me. The others disappeared back into Carlisle's car.

Without a word, Carlisle took my hand in his, giving me some of the reassurance I so desperately needed. For the last few hours, I had been keeping it together for Edward's sake. But it hurt me badly to see my son in so much pain.

"Alice said it was best I took over driving the Volvo or you'd never get there," Carlisle told me. The joke was forced, and there was no trace of humor in his voice. As he spoke I heard Carlisle's car being driven away. I nodded my agreement. With one last gentle squeeze of my hand, Carlisle let go, turning to the driver's side of Edward's car. I opened the back door and got in. Carlisle was glancing anxiously at Edward in the seat next to him as he fastened his seatbelt and started the engine. He continued to do so as he drove, and I did the same. Swapping between watching Edward and staring out the window but not really seeing the scenery as it flashed by. I was trying desperately to think of the right words to say, the piece of motherly advice I could give to Edward that could help him.

I had nothing so far.

"She believed me," Edward said after the silence had drawn out for what felt like hours. His voice was incredulous, as if he was imagining how she could ever do such a thing. I didn't know if he was talking to us or simply wording his disbelief out loud to himself. All I could see was the back of his head as he stared out the window.

"Believed what, son?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

"When I told her. I thought she would fight and argue. But she believed me so easily. As if she'd always thought every promise I'd ever made her was a lie." He sighed. "Not that I haven't broken every promise I ever made her anyway. I suppose they were nothing more than lie," he muttered darkly.

Once more I racked my brains for the right words to say. And once more I came up with nothing. Edward's forehead was pressed against the glass of the window, and I noticed his body had begun to shake. I shared a look with Carlisle, who began to slow the car down, pulling over on the hard shoulder.

In one fluid movement, I removed my seatbelt and moved forward, crouching behind the two front seats. My arm went through the gap between the two seats and on to Edward's shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

"Edward?" I whispered. He didn't move. His head stayed pressed against the glass.

"I can turn the car around, call the others. We can still go back, son. Put this right," Carlisle told him comfortingly.

"Put this right," Edward muttered. "This is what's _right_. Keep driving, Carlisle."

_But, Edward…_

"Keep driving, Carlisle," he insisted again harshly. I looked over at my husband's conflicted face. I knew that, just like me, every fibre of him wanted to argue. But we couldn't. We couldn't make Edward's decisions for him. As much as I wished I could make him see sense – I knew I had no hope.

Carlisle started the engine again and I moved back into my seat.

"How far?" I asked as we merged with the main traffic again.

"A few hours," Carlisle replied. Stifling silence fell over us all once more, and I returned to staring out the window. Watching the blur of colors fly past me. Thinking that this could not end well.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I watched Edward with growing concern. Most of the time he hide from us all in his room. He barely spoke to any of us. It had been a month since we had moved to our new home in Ithaca. Carlisle had got himself a job at the local hospital. Jasper was studying Philosophy at Cornell University. Alice was donating her days to online research regarding her birth family; since she now had no reason to wait until after her senior year at Forks was finished. Rosalie had a purchased a new car to work on and was throwing herself into the project, with Emmett's help. I had a new project myself and was trying to throw myself into restoring our new house with my usual enthusiasm. It was hard to come by these days. Edward's gloom penetrated us all. I tried to help. Thought up reasons for him to leave his room, asked him to play his piano for me. None of it worked. I had not seen him break down as he had the day we had left Forks again, but that was simply because he was now hiding his emotional pain from us all, but we all knew it was there. It was obvious in his gaze when you spoke to him – his mind clearly somewhere else but the conversation you were attempting to have with him. Obvious from the way Jasper could barely spend time at home because it hurt him too much to be too close to Edward.

I missed my son, for even though he was physically still here – he wasn't really here with us.

_But at least he is still here. At least he hasn't left you completely, _I comforted myself. _No, he's only mentally left you, _a different part of me argued back sarcastically. _And how is that any better than if he had physically left?_

o~ ~O~ ~o~

_Edward, what are you doing?_ I asked mentally as I walked into his room. Upon arriving back from the hardware store – earlier than expected - I had been intrigued by the sound of movement from my son's room. I hadn't heard him move about with so much energy since we left B-, Forks.

"I can't stay here, making you all suffer with me. And Victoria's still out there. I have to make Bella safe."

_We can find Victoria together. Seven of us have more hope of catching her than one._

"I need to do this alone, Esme."

_No, Edward! We can do this together … all of us. As a family._

Edward shook his head sadly. "No, Esme."

_You can't leave! You promised! "I'm not going to leave again, Esme. I promise."_

"That was seventy four years ago. Things have changed."

_You can't leave Edward!_ I tried to stop it, but I couldn't help my thoughts drifting back to when he had left the first time around. I couldn't go through that again, especially not when this time I would know he was out there alone and miserable. The first time I thought he was doing what he wanted to do, but now I knew how much he would be suffering.

_You don't have to suffer alone. Let us help you, Edward._

"I should suffer alone. There's no need to make you all suffer with me." He moved to his doorway, but I moved faster, blocking him.

"Esme, please," he pleaded.

_No, Edward! _I crossed my arms defiantly. _I'm not moving, and you're not leaving._

"Esme, I have to do this."

_You know I only agreed to move so we could stay together._

"I'm sorry, Esme. I truly am. But I can't just hide out in my room knowing Victoria's out there. That Bella could be at risk."

_The best way to watch Bella would be to be with her!_

"That's the best way to draw more danger to her!" he argued back furiously.

_You're my son, Edward. I can't let you hurt yourself anymore._

"You have to let me go, Mom," Edward whispered pleadingly. "I have to make her safe." I felt my resolve cracking. Just like in Forks, I was realizing I had no chance of changing his mind.

_And then you'll come back?_ That was what was most important to me. I couldn't watch my son leave again, not knowing if he would come back.

"Of course, I promise." Though I tried to prevent my thoughts, I couldn't help but think about how he was about to break the last promise he made to me.

"I promised myself I'd keep Bella safe, and I've promised you I'll come back once I've done that. And despite how many promises I've broken over the last month, I intend to keep those."

_Aren't you going to wait and say goodbye to the others?_

Edward shook his head. "I can't."

_So you're really going to leave again?_

"I have to," he whispered. I scrunched my eyes up as if to prevent my tears, although none could fall. He continued to watch me for a few seconds – as I was still blocking his path out of the doorway. Finally, reluctantly, I moved.

Without a word of goodbye, he left. I followed him up to the front door, just in time to see a shock of red hair disappear into the forest. I remembered the last time I had watched him disappear from a doorway. Then he had left in a spurt of anger and I not known if he would ever return.

_At least this time you know he'll return._ My attempts to keep myself together failed, and I began to sob in the doorway. I have no idea how long I had been stood there when I felt the pressure of a set of slim fingers on my wrist. Alice was stood there, her face grief-stricken.

"Mom," she whispered. "He left a letter. You weren't supposed to return early, as far as I can tell. He didn't want any of us here. It was a sudden decision. I didn't see it until it was too late. I tried to phone but even top of the range cell phones don't get signal in the middle of the forest." She tried to smile at her attempt to joke but it looked forced.

"A letter?" I asked.

"Upstairs on his desk," Alice told me. Within seconds I was in his bedroom, picking up an envelope marked 'Mom and Dad.' I ripped the envelope open with trembling fingers, scared to find out what it said. Apprehensive, yet eager, I unfolded the letter.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I don't know how to begin this letter. I suppose I should say sorry for leaving without telling you. But I have to leave. My presence in this house is helping no one. I need a purpose. Ever since Bella came into my life a few months ago, she has been my sole purpose. Her well being will always be number one to me now. I know I've told you this many times, but I had to leave her. I know you don't see it. You think I should return to her. But to do so would be her death. Even if other vampires don't kill her, I will eventually – one way or another. I can't have that. You don't kill the person the love. I can't damn one as good as Bella to this half-life of mine. Surely, you can see that? _

_At one point or another, you've both compared this to when Dad left Columbus when Mom was sixteen. I told you it was different, Mom, but in many ways it is similar. For Dad didn't want to risk your life, knew he couldn't change you. Not when you were sixteen with a life ahead of you. And I know that did not turn out well. But what if it had? What if Mom's life had never brought her to that cliff, Dad? What if she'd married a man she loved and had children she adored? Could you have abhorred her for it? For making a life without you – a happy human life. I shouldn't even have to ask that. I know the answer. Of course you couldn't, you're too good a man for that. For all your wondering if you should have changed Mom at sixteen, you made the right decision. You could not have taken away a life that could have been lived with such promise, just as I cannot do so to Bella. I hope that, perhaps, this might help you to understand my decision more._

_So now I have explained why I had to leave Bella, you will be wondering still why I had to leave you. I am sorry for that, I truly am. But Bella is not safe – not with Victoria still on the loose. I have to make her safe, make sure she gets that happy life she so richly deserves. I cannot simply run away and leave her to own devices – I most know she is safe. Dad was right – once vampires have changed we cannot change back. Though I am no longer a part of her life – I still most protect her. Am no longer a part of her life to protect her, but surely you understand that by now?_

_And lastly, you will wonder why I cannot say this to your faces. Why am I so cowardly as to leave while you are gone? The answer is simply I cannot bear the sight of me hurting you. I know I need to go, but no doubt you will not want me to. I cannot hold that against you – you are my parents, that is your job. But if I were to say goodbye in person, there is a chance you could persuade me to stay. I cannot take that risk._

_Moreover, these are things I would never have the nerve to admit to your face. It is so much easier to leave a letter, then to say this all to your face. Cowardly, I know. But I do all this for a greater reason – Bella._

_Dad, you have often wondered if you made the right decision for me, when you changed me. Please do not fret anymore. Despite everything I've ever said regarding the subject, you did. For if you had not, I would never have met Bella. And despite how that has turned out for me, I am still glad I did. So thank you._

_Tell Alice I will miss her, despite all our recent disagreements. And the same goes for Rosalie, I suppose. I'm certain I can entrust in Jasper and Emmett to watch over my sisters, just as I'm entrusting Mom to you, Dad. And tell Jasper one more time it was not his fault and that I have forgiven him. Had forgiven him the moment it was over. I will miss them all, this family you have provided for me._

_And goodbye to you as while, Mom and Dad. I feel I have to apologize for all the pain I've ever caused you, the events of the last month being just the tip of the iceberg. I am proud to call myself your son, even though at times – such as now – I do not feel worthy of the title._

_And Mom, I will come home this time as well, so please don't worry too much for me. You're done enough of that over the years. I am sure you will say that it is a mother's job, but it pains me to think that I've ever hurt someone as loving as you._

_I will be back as soon as I can. Once I can be certain Bella is safe._

_And once again, I'm sorry._

_Goodbye._

_Your loving son, Edward Cullen._

I read the letter repeatedly. My son had poured his heart into it – the words he was afraid to speak out loud. I have no idea how long I had sit there – re-reading the same words over and over again, when I felt Carlisle stood behind me. His arm wrapped around my waist.

"Alice called me," he explained softly. Silently, I passed him the letter. He read it quickly, his brow furrowed in confusion at first, before he understood. He looked like he would cry, if such a thing was possible, not a look I often saw on Carlisle's face. He was always so strong – strong for both of us.

"He's gone," Carlisle muttered, sitting on Edward's sofa with the letter clamped in his hand. I went to sit next to him.

"Yes," I whispered, sitting down next to him. I interlocked our hands. "We have to be strong," I whispered. "For our family." Even as I said the words, I knew which one of us would fall apart first. For despite all his promises, I couldn't help but worry that Edward would never return. That this letter was his goodbye.

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**I hope that was angsty enough for you all.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :) (The smiley face just feels so out of place!)**


	87. Silence

2006

_Carlisle_

There are many different types of silences. There are those uncomfortable silences around those you know, when things are awkward and no one knows what to say next. Then there is the same sort of silence around strangers, which can be less or more awkward, depending on the situation. There is companionable silence, between either those who know each other too well for silence to worry them, and between strangers, in circumstances where there is no need to talk, such as in a lift.

And there is one kind of silence that scares me. The silence that I know comes from my wife trying to shut herself down. The silence I had faced after both her mistakes in her newborn year, and occasionally during those long years after Edward left us. _Or should that be left us for the first time._

We'd been having that kind of silence once more with increasing frequency since Edward had left again.

"Esme?" I called as I arrived home from the hospital. I found her sat in front of the TV, though I doubted she was watching it. She had on one of those housing development shows she loved, but she was being unusually quiet. Usually she would give suggestions to the people on the TV, and roll her eyes when they refused to listen to the expert – as they always did.

"Oh, hi Carlisle," she said, her eyes not leaving the TV screen. There was nobody else home. Rosalie and Emmett had gone on a trip to Europe – no doubt to get away from the doom and gloom that was our household at the moment. Alice had gone down south to investigate some new clue in her quest to discover who she had been. Jasper had accompanied her.

It was quite unusual for us to get moments like this – where we were truly alone for any period of time. Perhaps, under different circumstances, we would have made the best of it and enjoyed the time to be just the two of us. But I wanted nothing more than the return of my children. _All_ of them.

I wanted an end to the silence.

I'd had difficulty in getting Esme to open up to me ever since Edward had left. From what she did say, I gathered she blamed herself. She'd had a chance to stop him leaving and she'd let him go.

"Esme?" I said again, softly this time, as I came to sit next to her. I was relieved she allowed herself to relax into my embrace, rather than fighting against it, as she had the last time the silence was this bad – back after the death of a young boy in Canada. If there was one thing we had learned from Edward leaving us the first time, it was that we needed to support each other.

"What's up, darling?" I asked gently.

"He hasn't phoned since Christmas," she said dejectedly. We'd had a phone call in November a month after he'd left, and a phone call at Christmas. But it was now the end of February and we'd heard nothing.

"Perhaps he is busy tracking Victoria, and so can't phone," I suggested.

"Perhaps," Esme agreed reluctantly.

"We can't live our entire lives waiting for him to return."

"I know," she said quietly.

A sudden idea occurred to me.

"Why don't we go out somewhere, darling?"

"Out somewhere?" she repeated incredulously.

"Like you once said, 'Go out and be just Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Husband and wife.'"

"I did say that once, didn't I?" She paused. "We can never be just husband and wife now, Carlisle. We have six children." _Did she just say six?_ Esme realized her slip too. Her eyes widened in shock. "Five even," she corrected herself. She shook her head slightly and began to sob into my shoulder. "I thought it was going to be six one day. That Edward would finally get the happiness he so richly deserves."

"Me too, dear," I admitted. How we had both wanted that - celebrated at the idea. We had to hid our hopes from Edward, but it was only now I was beginning to realize how much we had all expected Alice to be right in the end, even though we would not have admitted it to Edward.

"Why can't he just see sense? Why does he have to be so damn stubborn? Why won't he listen to us? Why didn't I stop him?" She was talking too quick now, her words blurring into one as she spoke.

"I don't think there was anything we could have done," I told her soothingly.

"I know. I know we couldn't have done anything, yet I keep telling myself I should have." She shook her head, running her hands carelessly through her caramel curls. She took a deep breath. "There's nothing we can do but wait. Again."

She lapsed into silence once more and I could think of no comforting words to add. The only noise was the sound of the TV. I went to pick up the remote to turn it off, but then thought better of it. I'd rather listen to some women bemoan her bad property choices than have nothing but complete silence again.

I pulled my wife a little closer, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you," I whispered into her caramel curls.

"I love you too," she replied but she said no more.

The TV was on most of the time from that day onwards. Even if no one was watching it, we left it on in the background. It was better than the silence.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Jasper was the first one to arrive back. Apparently Alice had wanted to continue her journey alone, she felt it was something she had needed to do for herself. Esme had fussed over him when he arrived home, happy to have at least one of her children back. But Jasper had his own issues he needed to deal with. No matter what any of us said, he continued to blame himself for everything that had happened. Though he was home, he distanced himself from us. Whether that was to shelter us from his gloom, or him from ours, I could only guess.

Alice arrived home next; bringing news of her human family with her. Unfortunately, it wasn't good news. She had been Mary Alice Brandon as a human, and her parents had written her off as dead at the same time she was placed in the asylum. It was a further blow to Alice. Esme had told me about her conversation with Alice. She had worried about Alice searching for her human past; afraid what she would find would prove Esme wrong – that nobody had cared for Alice as human, despite how impossible an idea that seemed. For how could anybody not love a daughter such as Alice?

"I wonder if my little sister missed me?" Alice wondered out loud. She had been to visit her only surviving relative, her sister Cynthia's niece. She had seen her from a distance but had decided against meeting her.

"I'm sure she did," Esme said comfortingly.

"I wonder if…" Alice began and then cut off. Jasper wrapped his arm around her as she began to cry tearless.

"It doesn't matter what your human family thought of you. You have a family now who loves you," Jasper told her comfortingly.

Alice nodded glumly, but there was still hurt in her eyes.

In barely a whisper she said, "I wondered if Edward missed his little sister." With that one sentence everything changed, Alice seemed unable to hold back her sobs and Esme seemed on the verge of crying herself. I pulled her to me, even while realizing I could hardly help her when I was on the verge of breaking down myself.

"Though I'm actually the same age," Alice continued, attempting to break through the melancholy atmosphere she had created. We all laughed weakly, but then silence fell once more. The silence I had become all too use to in the last couple of months.

"You know I haven't been shopping in months," Alice announced with faked surprise. We all knew she was just attempting to break the silence. Playing along with her, both Jasper and I fake gasped. "You want to come, Esme?" Esme nodded weakly

"Only for a couple of hours though," Esme said. We had all learned you needed to place boundaries when it came to Alice and shopping.

"Sure," Alice agreed readily. "Well, there's no time like the present." Grabbing hold of my wife's hand, she began leading Esme out the door. I purposefully decided to thank her, and she turned around and gave me a smile to say message received.

Beside me Jasper sighed as he watched them leave.

"Jasper?" I asked. He just shook his head and left, heading upstairs. I found myself wondering yet again what he could feel around him. It couldn't be easy to be surrounded by so much misery.

Once more, I realized I was in a silent house.

I turned the TV on again.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Rosalie and Emmett returned from Europe on the first week of March. Their arrival made everything almost normal. I say almost normal, because, of course, Edward was still missing. There had still been no phone call since Christmas. Though I was trying to stay strong for my wife, it was eating away at me just as much as it was at her. For how had we got to here? Had I failed my son?

I went up into the office, and reached into the drawer that contained the letter Edward had left us. I was surprised it was not torn by now with the number of times it had been re-read by either Esme or myself. There was one part that always got to me. The part where he said he was not angry with me for changing him. How many times had I wondered if I had made a mistake? Not because I didn't love my son, but because he seemed so unhappy with what he had become. He claimed in his letter he was thankful for what I had done – but I could not shake the thought that it was nothing more than a concession, designed to ease the blow of him leaving. I heard Esme's gentle footfalls on the stairs and quickly placed the letter back in the drawer. There was no need to upset her again, which it always did.

"Alice has suggested we all go away for a short while. Perhaps up to visit our cousins in Alaska."

"That sounds like a lovely idea," I agreed. What better way to prevent silence then to surround ourselves with people. "I'll phone Tanya this afternoon." With the invention of cell phones, contacting the Denali coven had become a lot easier, since they had never been attached to the main phone line system.

"Are you coming downstairs? Emmett brought presents." I smiled at my wife. With Emmett and Rosalie's return she seemed to have become more like her normal self, to my relief. Emmett's jovial ways prevented anyone from being too depressed for long. Combined with Alice's perkiness, which seemed to have returned somewhat recently, though I wasn't sure if it was faked or not, they were an unstoppable force when it came to breaking through depression.

"We're not getting more of those 'and all I got was this lousy T-shirt' tops, are we?" I asked jokingly. To my relief it didn't sound too forced. Esme giggled and downstairs Emmett laughed loudly.

"I think that might be a yes," Esme replied with a smile.

"Usual rules apply to anyone with enough bad taste to actually wear one," Alice announced. There were certain clothing items that were on Alice's 'banned' list. Anyone she saw wearing one, in real life or in a vision, had to help Alice on her next all day long shopping trip. Needless to say, items on the banned list were avoided like the plague.

"They're _funny_, Alice," Emmett argued.

"They're _tacky_, Emmett," Alice replied back.

"Emmett, please don't get into a fashion related argument with my wife," Jasper intercepted. "It might just be the last thing you do."

"I'm not scared of no annoying hyperactive pixie," Emmett insisted.

We arrived downstairs in time to see Alice glaring at Emmett. She gave a little snarl.

"You do look a little scared, son," I said jokingly.

He rolled his eyes. "Am not. Anyway, presents!" He reached into the first of several big bags.

"I do wish you wouldn't let your husband run free in tacky European gift shops," Alice said to Rosalie.

Rosalie shrugged. "It keeps him entertained," she said dryly, though we all knew she loved Emmett because he did silly things like this.

"I'm just glad you were left in charge of my actual presents. I love them by the way. Paris spring line, right?" Alice said to Rosalie.

"Of course," Rosalie said, passing Alice a box. "There's some for you in there as well, Esme."

"Thanks, Rosalie," she said with a smile.

"Oh! Oh! Open yours, Carlisle," Emmett said, passing me a plain box. "It's a miniature Greek statue. I thought you could put in your office." His grin warned me that there was a joke in there somewhere. I opened the box and carefully unwrapped the cellophane paper. It was a statue of a nude man with comically enhanced male parts. The rest of my family laughed and I couldn't hide my smile.

"Thanks, Emmett. I'll put that in my office tomorrow," I replied, trying to keep a straight face. I already knew it was going straight in the attic.

"Seriously?" he asked. All five of us gave him the same look. "That's a no then."

Emmett handed out the rest of his joke presents. We all got the before mentioned T-shirts and Alice warned us off the consequences of wearing them again.

Alice got a Magic 8 ball, to everyone else's amusement.

"Oh, Magic 8 ball, I am going to ripping Emmett into pieces?" Alice asked it.

"Outlook unlikely," Emmett read with glee.

"Strange, my visions show a different outcome," Alice muttered, but we knew she was joking.

Jasper got a pink cowboy hat which had a plastic tiara attached to the front.

"There you go, cowboy," Emmett told him, trying to place it on Jasper's head. Next thing we all knew Emmett was backing away, scared.

"Jasper," Esme chided.

"Tell him to keep the pink hat away from me and I'll stop feeding him fear."

"Emmett?" Esme asked. Emmett nodded with a fearful whimper, cowering slightly. Then he stood up normally.

"Not funny," he said to his brother.

"Well, from where we're sat it was," Alice said to him. "Though I think I might have to put that cowboy list on the banned list."

"No fun," Emmett muttered under his breath.

"Keep the pink cowboy hat away from me," Jasper said threateningly.

"Whose that one for?" Esme asked, picking up one of the remaining boxes. It was obvious she was trying to stop the argument.

"Oh … um," Emmett said. "That's nothing of interesting. It's not even funny." Esme had already started to open it. She held the object inside gingerly in her hands.

"We found it in an antique bookstore in Austria," Emmett explained. "We were actually looking for something for Carlisle until Rosalie pointed out the chances were you'd already have anything we found." I peered over my wife's shoulder at the book in her hands. It was an old antique collection of Mozart's piano work. There could be no denying whom this was supposed to be a present for.

"Don't worry, I bought him something tacky as well," Emmett said, trying to break the silence that had invaded our happy moment. "But we just thought he'd like it." I heard the strain in Emmett's voice as he tried to keep it cheery. He missed his brother. Had bought him a present in the hope he would be back to receive it.

"We'll give it to him when he comes back," Esme said gently. I noticed how none of us seemed able to say his name. _I can't even say it in my own mind. _She sat the book aside the book carefully, and then she hugged Emmett fiercely. Emmett looked a little startled by her hug, but rubbed her back comfortingly.

"You should go but them in the kitchen, Ma," he said when she let go, passing her the box with her present in. She smiled at him and then left the room. I followed her.

She was placing what looked like a small statue of a tortoise on the work surface.

"What's that?" I asked her.

"Salt and pepper shakers," she explained. Of course, since nobody in our household would ever need salt and pepper shakers, I had to assume that was a part of the joke. Esme placed the other tortoise behind the first.

"Um… Esme. That sort of makes them look like they're… well." Esme giggled at me. She definitely seemed happier now everyone minus one was home again.

"I think that's the point, Carlisle."

"Of course, typical Emmett," I said with a chuckle.

"So… Alaska?" my wife asked.

"I'll phone Tanya now," I told her. I left the room after giving her a gentle kiss. On my way out, my gaze fell on the book Esme had placed aside. It was just another reminder of what was missing.

The phone call was quick and easy – our Denali cousins would be delighted to see us all. Though Tanya had sounded a little disappointed when I told her Edward would not be with us. I'd said I would explain once we were there.

I found all my family watching the TV. I had to assume there had been a fight for the remote and Alice had won – for they were watching America's Next Top Model, not exactly Emmett or Jasper's first choice. I sat down next to my wife, and once more allowed the sound of the TV to fill the silence.

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**A little fluff in there amongst all the angst.**

**Things I own: One pink cowboy hat with a tiara attached.**

**Things I saw way too many times when on holiday in Zante a few years ago: Statues like Carlisle's and salt and peppershakers like Esme's.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	88. Cliff Jumping

**This is the Esme chapter of 'Powerless' with a few tweaks.**

_**Updated 08/09/11**_

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2006

_Esme_

It had been a good day and I felt happier than I had in a long time. The happiest I'd been since we'd left Forks. I'd been out hunting with Carlisle, Carmen, and Elezear and had fun with my husband and our close friends. We had laughed and joked like old times. It felt good to be able to be happy again, after the trauma my family had been through. Admittedly, we were still going through it. Every minute while Edward stayed away from us - and Bella - we were still going through it. But it had been good to forget all our worries, if only for several hours.

We were in sight of the Denali clan's home when I felt a gentle tugging on my hand. Allowing the other two to go ahead of us, I turned my attention on my husband.

"You're happy," he stated. It wasn't a question. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Is it such a bad thing to be able to be happy, if only for a small amount of time?" I asked. I knew it couldn't last. Happiness was fleeting nowadays, when I carried the knowledge of my oldest son's heartbreak around with me. Always there to remind me he was out there somewhere, suffering.

The last time we had spoken was just before Christmas. I had asked him to come home for the holidays and he had refused. He was out there, alone and hurt, and he was refusing the help I so desperately wanted to give to him. I longed to comfort him as only a mother could, but I hadn't seen him since the day he left. I had replayed that day so many times in my head, trying to figure out what I could have done differently. How I could have convinced him to stay.

"No, no it's not," Carlisle replied. He pulled me toward him and kissed me deeply. I didn't get much chance to enjoy the kiss though, as we were interrupted by the sound of shouting from within the house.

"We should just phone him and end this!" I recognised Rosalie's piercing voice.

"Alice said not to." That was Jasper.

"So? We don't all have to follow your wife's orders," Rosalie replied sarcastically.

"Don't you dare talk about my wife like that!" I heard Jasper growl.

"Get the hell away from my wife!" Emmett growled back.

I looked questioningly at Carlisle, and saw the same confusion I felt reflected on his face. Without saying a word we both headed at full speed toward the house.

All three of our children stopped arguing when we entered the room. Tanya, Kate, and Irina stood in the middle of them, with Jasper on one side, and Rosalie and Emmett on the other. Carmen and Elezear stood at the edge of the group, watching on, and looking confused.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked. All three of our children looked at him uncomfortably.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, when no one seemed willing to explain.

"Forks," Jasper answered.

"Forks?" we both exclaimed in surprise..

"Why would she go to Forks? She knows … we have to stay away," I said. I couldn't bring myself to say my son's name.

"That doesn't matter much anymore," Emmett muttered.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked. All three looked uncomfortably at us again.

"Bella's dead," Rosalie announced flatly.

_Bella's dead? How can we ever tell Edward that? If simply leaving her behind left him near cationic with grief, what will the news of her death do to him?_

Even amongst my worry for my son, I felt a moment of grief for the girl I had already begun to see as a daughter. Brave, darling Bella. The girl who had brought my son out of his shell after centuries of loneliness, who had brought about changes within him that I could never have imagined. It had been wonderful to see my son so alive. Even after knowing him from decades, I realised I had never really seen him fully happy. And back then, if only for a few short months, he had been, thanks to her – the girl brave enough to walk into a house full of vampires.

I remembered the first time I'd met her. The way Edward had stood besides her, loving and protective. It was a side of him I'd never seen before. I remembered the words I'd overheard him say to her, 'Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet.' It was true. He was happy and that was all I cared about.

And now all his happiness was gone, and that brave, beautiful, intelligent, young girl was gone, too.

"Dead? What happened?" Carlisle asked unbelievingly.

"She …" Rosalie trailed off. I couldn't help but notice that her eyes had flickered toward me, before quickly turning their attention back to Carlisle.

"Rose, whatever it is, just tell us, please," I asked.

_What killed her? An accident? Considering her clumsiness that's a possibility. _

Different scenarios flashed through my head. Bella following down the stairs - much like the cover story we'd used after the Phoenix incident- and hitting her head, and the resulting injury killing her. Bella, in her ancient truck, involved in some sort of traffic accident.

_Or was she on the other side of the accident, an innocent pedestrian? _

But none of these theories would explain my daughter's reluctance to tell me what had happened.

"She killed herself," Rosalie answered reluctantly. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips. I felt my husband grasp my hand, but I wasn't paying much attention.

_She'd killed herself. Why would she do that?_

Though it was blurred, I could still remember the loneliness and desperation I had felt at the top of that cliff eighty-five years ago. The feeling of having nothing else to live for, that everything I had held on for was lost, that there was nothing left that mattered enough to keep on living. Had Bella felt like that, before she died? Is that what we'd done to her? Made her feel the same desolation I had felt after my son's death?

Horror coursed through me at the idea that I had helped to cause the anguish I had felt that day to anyone. Especially Bella, who had done nothing wrong to anyone but love.

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked desperately. I could tell he was hoping they'd been a mistake, but I knew it was false hope. In my mind I could see exactly why she would have taken such drastic measure. When Edward left he had taken away what she loved, what she lived for, in exactly the same way that my son leaving me had done. If she had felt the same as I did, then I could fully believe she would take the same action.

"Alice saw it," Jasper replied.

"What exactly did she see?" There was another long pause. I was certain that, for a brief second, all eyes had flickered toward me, much like Rosalie's earlier, before turning back to Carlisle.

Like earlier my imagination went into over-drive. Different images flickered through my mind.

_What exactly did Alice see?_ _Did Bella find a more peaceful way to kill herself than I had? Or had she faced the same violent end I had once been so willing for?_

I hoped it was the former. That Bella had simply taken too many pills, an overdose, and slipped peacefully from this world. It was the very least she deserved, a quiet end.

But my mind couldn't help but envisage the more violent possibilities, and it conjured images that tortured me. Bella hanging herself. Bella slitting her wrists. I was ashamed of myself when my throat burned as I thought of that possibility, of her wrists red with her potent blood.

"What exactly did she see?" I heard Carlisle ask again, forcing myself to focus on the conversation in the living room, and not the grotesque images running through my mind. I suddenly felt calmer, clearly my son's doing, but I couldn't be angry with him for it, it was a much-needed relief. The feeling of calm increased as Jasper answered Carlisle's question,

"She saw Bella jump off a cliff."

_She jumped off a cliff?_ The current of calm Jasper forced into me was not enough to keep me together.

I was no longer Esme Cullen, stood in the middle of a living room in remote Alaska. I was Esme Platt Evenson, the year was 1921, and I was stood on a cliff top looking down at a lake in Wisconsin. I knew I had come here for a reason, knew that there was no other place my life could go now. I was alone with no hope. There was no chance of happiness in my future. I had lost everything I had cared about enough to live for. With that thought I walked off the edge of the cliff, safe in the knowledge that the end was soon for me, and that with it, it would bring a resolution to all the pain, and the loss, and the loneliness.

Then I wasn't in Wisconsin, but in Washington. It was not 1921 anymore, but 2006. And I was no longer Esme Platt Evenson, but Bella Swan, as I stood at the top of a cliff and looked down at the waters below. But the feeling of desperation didn't change. I still felt like I had lost everything. That I had nothing left to live for. I still sought an end to it all in the swishing waters below me.

"Esme?" The panicked voice of my husband brought my mind back to where I really was. I was Esme Cullen, stood frozen in the middle of a living room, while her worried family looked on.

"I'm okay," I lied. I heard the others began talking around me, but I wasn't listening to the conversation.

My mind was still preoccupied by the image of Bella at the top of a cliff, filled with the same agony I had once decided to escape from forever.

_Did she simply walked off the edge like I did, too numb from pain to do anything else? Or did she run up to it and jump, happy to be escaping her life?_

I would never know. There was no way for me to ever know what had happened, or what she had thought, in those last moments of her life. Had her thoughts been solely for Edward, or had she thought of us as well, if only briefly? The family she had wished to join, who had turned our backs on her.

We had done this to her. We could have stopped Edward. We could have listened to Alice's warnings that it was all for nothing. I could have stepped in as my position as Edward's mother, and told him that no, we weren't leaving, that it would only hurt him and Bella. But it was too late for that now. His love was dead, gone from him forever.

"We need to tell Edward, get him home so he can stop moping around," I heard Rosalie say.

_Tell Edward? How are we ever going to tell him this without making him more broken than he already is? How will he react to the news? I doubt he will come home and stop moping around, like Rosalie says._

My overactive imagination created yet another image in my mind. This time it was not Bella or I who stood at the top of a cliff, but Edward, my beloved son. But the desolation and despair that had led both Bella and me to a cliff-top were as present in him as they had been in us.

I was about to fly into a hysterical panic, until some still rational part of my brain reminded me that vampires couldn't commit suicide. Carlisle was living proof of that.

Still I realised the truth behind the image my mind had created. If losing Edward had caused Bella to take her own life, then I was certain losing Bella indefinitely would cause Edward to feel the same desire.

_What can we possibly do to help him through a loss so intense?_

"Perhaps it's best we don't tell Edward quite yet, until we can think of the best way of presenting the news," I heard my husband say to Rosalie.

"Why wait? All he's doing is moping around in South America. Why not get him home as soon as possible? Why, don't you want him back?" I felt my husband bristle beside me at Rosalie's callous reply.

"We all want Edward back, Rose," I replied for him. It was true. I wanted my son back more than anything. But he would be coming back a broken shell of the boy he had been. As his mother I would, of course, do everything I could to help him through his tragic loss. The problem was I didn't think there was anything I could do that would be enough to help.

Again the image of Edward at the top of the cliff flooded my mind. If I had simply walked gently off the top, I imagined my always-melodramatic son would have taken an extravagant leap to show his feelings for his lost love.

Relief flooded me as I reminded myself again that vampires can't commit suicide. Much as I hated the thought of the pain my son would suffer, the idea of losing him forever was even more horrifying.

"Esme?" My husband's voice was gentle, but still panicked. I realised I was being gently led out of the living room. We were stood on the porch on the Denali coven's house.

"You okay, love?" Carlisle asked me gently, pulling me into the embrace of his arms.

"I keep imagining her jumping," I told him, not knowing where to start with the thoughts that plagued me. My grief for the human girl I had been beginning to consider my daughter. My worries for my son and the torment he would carry with him for all eternity. My own past reflected in their loss.

I felt Carlisle's tighten his arms around me. One hand began lovingly stroking my hair as I began to sob into his chest.

But I couldn't stop the onslaught of images in my mind. Me at the top of a cliff. Bella at the top of cliff. Edward at the top of a cliff.

_You're okay now and Edward can't hurt himself_. I told myself this over and over again. But there was no such reprieve for Bella. That sweet little human girl, that had loved my son with all her heart, was gone. She couldn't be rescued like I was. And if I was being honest with myself, I knew that if Bella couldn't be rescued, neither could Edward.

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**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	89. Powerless

**Another slighty cheating chapter. This is the 'Carlisle' chapter of 'Powerless'. Again with just a few tweaks.**

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2006

_Carlisle_

I had taken Esme back to our home after we had learned the news of Bella's death. We both needed some time to contemplate it. After talking for a while we decided it was best to wait for Alice to come home before deciding how and when to tell Edward. Rosalie had been insist we tell him straight away, but the rest of us believed it was probably best to wait a while. To consider the best way to do it. We couldn't just phone him up and say bluntly 'Bella's dead.' In all honesty, the reason Esme and I had decided to wait for Alice was because we didn't know what to do next.

We decided it was probably best to go check up on our children, since they had not come home. When we arrived I could sense that only Jasper was wrong. But it sounded as it someone was sobbing inside. After sharing a confused glance with Esme, we both ran into the house.

We got there just in time to see Jasper collapse. I knew something else most have happened. Something was wrong. I had never seen Jasper, my soldier son, look so weak, so vulnerable. Esme quickly enfolded Jasper in a motherly hug, which he seemed to except for a minute before standing up, effectively shrugging her off.

_Something is very wrong with my family. Something else has happened. But with Bella dead, and Edward hiding from us in South America, what can possibly have happened to make our family's dismal situation worse?_

"What's happening now, Jasper?" I asked. When he didn't answer immediately, but instead stood there, looking unsure of what to say, just like when they had told us Bella was dead, I knew it was something bad indeed.

_What could be worse than the news of Bella's death - news that is surely only going to tear apart my fractured family even more?_

"Bella's alive," Jasper told us. My heart temporarily soared, until I realised that there was more to it than that.

_There has to be something else. If it were good news like that, than why did we find Jasper sobbing to himself?_

"But that's good news, surely?" My wife's question echoed my own confusion.

"No, because Edward thinks she's dead."

"Why does Edward-" I knew the answer to my question before I had even finished asking it. "Rosalie phoned him?" Jasper's face hardened at the mention of Rosalie's name, which suggested I wasn't the only one who was currently frustrated at her, and then he nodded.

"He is coming home then?" Esme asked optimistically. I knew the answer before Jasper said it, but it still pained me.

"No. He's …" Jasper trailed off uncomfortably.

"He's..." I prompted, looking at Jasper expectantly.

_What will Edward do now?_

I looked at my darling wife standing next to me. _What would I do if she were gone?_ I didn't know the answer to my question. It was an unimaginable future, the idea of living without Esme by my side.

"He's going to Italy." He didn't need say to anymore, I knew what he meant. He was going to the Volturi. _But why?_

"Why?" Esme asked. As I looked at her, I knew the answer. I couldn't imagine living without her, and Edward felt the same about Bella.

_He is going there to die._

Throughout my decades there, I had seen the Volturi extract their own branch of punishment on many an immortal. But now in my mind, it was my son I saw ripped apart and burned, and, unlike the others, the imagined Edward in my head was perfectly content as they killed him. The image horrified me to my core.

"He is going there to die," I said out loud. It wasn't a question. I knew it was true.

"Yes," Jasper confirmed. Beside me, Esme gasped.

"No! Vampires can't commit suicide. He can't die!" she sobbed hysterically. I pulled her into my arms while she continued to sob. Hysterical as she was, I couldn't help but agree with her. _He can't die._

A thousand memories spanning the length of a century flashed through my mind. Some of them stood out more than others. The day Edward allowed me to call him 'son' for the first time. The day he returned home after disappearing for four years. The day he brought Bella home for the first time. All happy memories with my son.

_My son._ I had always thought of him as that, from the very day he woke up, even if he hadn't permitted me to call him such at first.

_Had I let him down as a father?_

Not for the first time, I wondered if I should have left him to die in that Chicago hospital in 1918. Left him to die at peace, to be with his parents. Rather than dragging him into my immortal life, only for him to die a violent fiery death in the end of it all anyway. No matter that he had thanked me for it in the letter he had left, I still couldn't help but wonder still, especially given current circumstances.

Perhaps now, at least, he could find his peace in the afterlife. I knew Edward did not believe it possible, but I had to cling to my faith. Cling to the hope that after everything I did to him, he would still be permitted to join his parents. And Bella.

_But Bella's not actually dead._

"Bella's not dead?" I asked my son for confirmation of what he had said earlier, over my wife's shoulder.

"No, I'm not entirely certain what happened, but Alice saw it wrong." He paused before continuing. "Bella and Alice are on a plane to Italy, they hope to get there in time to show him Bella's alive, and stop him."

There it was. The strand of hope I needed to cling to. _There is a chance Edward might survive. _My happiness was short lived, as I realised how high the price of failure would be. Would we lose all three of them? My son, my daughter and the girl I'll admit I had once had high hopes would join our family at Edward's side.

Worst of all was the realisation that there was nothing I could do.

The game was in play. The players were in motion. The price of losing was death.

And I could do nothing but wait for news of the outcome. Wait to find out who had won and who had lost. Who had survived and who was dead.

Never in my three centuries of existence had I felt so powerless. I was supposed to be the father, the leader, of our family, but everything was out of my control. All I could do was wait.

And so we waited.

At some point, Rosalie and Emmett arrived home, later followed by the Denali clan. We gave explanations and had discussions of possible outcomes. But we all knew we were just filling time. Filling time until the phone call from Alice that would tell us what had happened. Or until enough time had passed without that phone call for us to know it hadn't ended well for anyone.

Unable to do anything else to help, I prayed. I repeated my prayers silently in my head over and over again. It was in God's hands now, all I could do was keep waiting.

I watched Jasper as he struggled to hide his own worry for his wife, watched Rosalie as she tried to hide her guilt, watched Emmett as he grew more and more impatient, watched Esme as she fretted for her children. But that was all I could do –watch. I wanted to say something, do something to help them all. But I couldn't think of the right words, the right actions, to bring them some comfort. I couldn't help them, not when I was barely keeping it together myself.

I felt like a failure. A failure as a father and as a leader. My family needed me to be strong now more then ever, and I couldn't do it. The best I could do for them was to keep it together, to not get lost in my own grief, but I struggled to do even that.

Images raced through my mind continuously as we waited. Edward and Alice ripped apart and burnt. Bella -that sweet, innocent girl- drained of blood. Nothing more in the eyes of the Volturi than a meal.

It was Elezear that had suggested a different possible outcome.

"I don't think Aro would kill Edward or Alice," he had said. We had all turned to look at him sceptically. Aro may have been my friend, but if Edward arrived in Volterra asking for death, I'm sure he'd willingly gave him it. And if Alice got in their way, I'm sure he'd willingly order her destroyed.

"A psychic and a mind-reader, one who can hear minds without the need for touch. I think that would intrigue Aro."

"You think he'd offer them a place in the guard?" I asked. I tried to imagine it. My children in the cloaks of the Volturi guard, eyes red as the fed of humans indiscriminately. Loathsome though the image was, it was better than them dead. _Would I truly rather have them turn their back on everything I believe in than die?_ The answer was yes – anything was better than them dead.

"Bella would probably still be killed though. I don't think Edward would take that to well, unless, her blood does call to him, I'm sure Aro could find a way to trick him into-" Elezear never got to finish his sentence.

"No," I said darkly. _My son would never do that. _Elezear had looked at me like he was scared; I hate to imagine what my face must have looked like. _Had I, for once, looked more like the vampire I was rather than the human I pretended to be?_

Nobody said much after that, shortly afterwards Elezear and the rest of the Denali clan drifted out of the living room, leaving just the remaining members of my family behind.

_No, didn't think like that. They're still alive. They're still a part of your family._

None of us had anything to say. So we sat frozen. Me and Esme on one sofa, Rosalie and Emmett on another, and Jasper alone in a chair. All of us lost in our own thoughts. Even Emmett, who usually can't sit still and silent for longer than a minute, was uncharacteristically quiet. I wanted to say something, to make them all feel better. But I couldn't think of anything to say to break the silence, to comfort my family. There was no point saying, 'I'm sure they'll be fine.' No one would have believed me.

And so we kept waiting. Never has time passed me by so slowly. For an immortal, mere hours should mean nothing. And yet those hours were torturously slow, one painfully after another.

"That's it!" Emmett's outburst broke the silence that had hung over us all for hours. "I'm not waiting one second longer. We have to do something."

"Like what?" Jasper asked sarcastically.

"I don't know. Just something. Something to help Edward. And Alice. And Bella. I can't wait around for one more second. We need to do something." I understand how Emmett felt. I had felt the desire to 'just do something' to help all night, but I knew there was nothing we could do.

"And what do you suggest exactly?" Jasper snapped sarcastically.

"Don't shout at him, Jasper, at least he's trying to do something. Don't you want to do something to help Alice?" Instantly I knew Rosalie had said the wrong thing. In one fluent movement I stood up from the sofa, ready to intercede should anything happen.

"How dare you? You think I don't wish it were me who was there instead of her? That I wouldn't do anything to know she was safe?"

"Then why aren't we there in Italy? Why did you phone us and ask us to come home?" Rosalie goaded Jasper.

"I'm not waiting around for one more second," Emmett stated again. "Let's go." He and Rosalie started to walk toward the door.

"Emmett. Rosalie. Wait." I called after them. I couldn't let them walk out that door. If there was a chance that they could have done something to help, then it would have been their choice if they went to do it or not. But there was nothing they could do to help. And I couldn't have any more of my children out there. I just couldn't.

"What, Carlisle?" Rosalie said testily.

"There's nothing you can do. You may as well stay," I told her miserably.

"I'm not going to sit around, and do nothing, like you," she snapped at me.

"Actually, Rosalie, I think you've done enough," I snapped back coldly. The words came out of my mouth unbidden, but they were true enough. If she had never phoned Edward, none of this would be happening.

All three of my children looked at me in surprise. I don't usually snap at people. I usually put all my effort into hiding my temper when it flared up, to the point where I think my family have an unrealistic image of me. The image of someone who was always calm and patient, someone who didn't have a temper.

_Well, that's definitely not true. _I had never wanted people to view me like that. And now the image was shattered anyway. I just hadn't been able to keep my temper in check, not today, not when my nerves were already on edge from the seemingly endless waiting.

"What did you say?" Rosalie asked me icily.

"I think Carlisle may be referring to the fact that you phoned Edward, despite both him and Alice telling you not to," Jasper replied sarcastically on my behalf.

"So it's all my fault? Don't you dare blame this all on me! I'm not the one who decided Bella would make a nice meal." Jasper looked at Rosalie like she had slapped him.

_Jasper can't honestly believe this is his fault? _One look at his face told me the answer to that. _Yes, yes he can._

"Jasper. Rosalie." I wanted to regain some control over them, to stop their argument. But how could I shout at them, when I had acted no better myself? Shame for my earlier lapse in control over my temper washed over me.

"Don't you dare lecture me, Carlisle," Rosalie snarled at me.

Jasper started ranting at her before I got a chance to reply. "It's not just my fault, Rosalie. I may have caused the separation, but you phoned Edward. I may have loaded the gun, but you pulled the trigger. All this time, I've been blaming myself, but it wasn't just me now, was it? If anything happens to Alice…" The last words came out as a menacing hiss.

"Stay the hell away from my wife, Jasper," Emmett growled menacingly.

"If my wife's dead, give me one good reason too."

"Stop it! Jasper! Emmett! Stop it!" I ordered, but neither of them listened to me. I couldn't control them. Just like I had no control over what was happening to my children half a world away, I now couldn't control what was happening right in front of me, as I literally watched on as my family fell to pieces.

_I really am a failure. I'm not a father or a leader, they all deserve better._

"I'll rip you to shreds, is that a good enough reason?" Both men were squaring off to each other now. I darted in-between them, hoping that would be enough to stop them. There was no way I could physically stop both of them.

"Get out of the way, Carlisle," Jasper growled at me.

"No, Jasper, I won't have a fight."

"I doubt there'll be a fight, Carlisle, Jasper's not that stupid," Emmett goaded, behind him Rosalie chuckled.

"I really would get out of the way, Carlisle. I don't want to rip you apart as well, but if you happen to be in my way when I go for Emmett," Jasper told me, with an eerie calmness to his voice. I heard Rosalie hiss at him.

"Stop it!" The scream was desperate and pleading. It caught the attention of all of us. Turning around, we found my wife had stood up. Her usually gentle face had a look of steely determination to it. "Just stop it. Three of my children are already dead. I won't lose anymore. So, you, just stop it!" Her words were rushed, but angry, and there was a slightly hysterical edge to them. She breathed heavily afterwards, and if she could have, she would have been crying.

Both Emmett and Jasper moved out of their offensive stances. I heard them and Rosalie mutter words of apologies to each other, but I wasn't paying much attention, I was too focused on my wife.

As I watched her, I was hit with a crushing realisation. _I had failed her too._ All Esme had ever wanted was a family. And I had given her the closest I could, but now it was crumbling around us, and I was doing nothing to stop it. _I have failed as a father, as a leader, and as a husband._

I walked up to her and placed my arms around, as I did so, I wondered if I really should be permitted to do so.

"Oh, my darling, I'm sorry," I murmured into her forehead, apologising for more then I think she realised.

Her words from earlier resonated through my head, 'three of my children are already dead.' That was it then, she had given up hope, and if she had, then so had I.

_The phone would never ring. Our children weren't coming home. Our family is soon going to be nothing but history._

If Alice never returned, then Jasper would surely drift off alone. Rosalie and Emmett would probably go their own way as well eventually, I just couldn't see Rosalie and I living comfortably together, not with all the unspoken accusations and guilt there was between us.

I remembered yet again when Edward had left us the first time. Esme and I had got by, we still had each other, but it hadn't been the same, not without our son. In the month or so when no of our children had been home Esme had drifted around silently for the most part, worrying me greatly. Now we had lost five, no six, children. Bella counted. From the minute she had walked into our house beside Edward, both Esme and me had secretly counted her as our child, or at least our future child.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her again. _Sorry I failed you and our family. Sorry I couldn't keep them all together for you. Sorry everything's gone wrong._

Wordlessly, Esme removed herself from my embrace, took hold of my hand, and walked me toward the sofa again. We both sat down again and I noticed the other three had done the same. We were all sat exactly as we had been earlier.

And so we started waiting again. Except this time I was no longer waiting for news of my children, I was waiting for everyone to accept the inevitable. I felt empty, like there was a giant void in me, one that could never be filled. It was a quiet agony.

I prayed one last time. This time for the souls of my children, including Bella. At least with her, I knew it was a purposeful exercise. As for the other two, despite the fact that no one of my kind agreed with me, not even Edward and Alice themselves, I hoped they still had a chance at redemption. It was the least they deserved.

_All-powerful and merciful God, I commend to you, my children. In your mercy and love, blot out all the sins they has committed through weakness. In this world they have died: let them live with you forever. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen._

It was the last thing I could do for my children, the last thing that it was still in my power to do.

An hour later, Jasper's phone rang. All eyes snapped towards him.

_This is what we had been waiting for. Was I wrong? Had I written my children off too early? Was there still hope?_ For the first time in hours, I felt something other than crippling grief.

"Alice?" Jasper's voice was worshipful, the smile that lit his face told us all we needed to know.

"When will you be back?" There was a pause while Alice answered. "And Bella and Edward too?" He continued his conversation, but I wasn't listening. All the grief and despair was washed away, replaced with relief and joy. I felt light-headed. I turned to Esme who was sat beside me. She looked like she was in shock, though I knew she just overwhelmed by her own happiness.

"Oh, Carlisle, they're OK. They're coming home," she whispered unbelievingly. She hugged me close and kissed me.

"They're coming home," she repeated, this time excitedly. "They're coming home. They're coming home."

I hugged her close and kissed her again.

"They're coming home," I whispered in her ear, unable to keep the amazement out of my voice.

_They're coming home. It's over. They're all safe. All my children – safe. Thank you, Lord._

**Same note I put on Powerless: I am not a religious person, and I did just google 'Prayers for the Dead' found one I thought suitable and tweaked it a little to fit the situation.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	90. Safely Home

2006

_Esme_

If it wouldn't have earned us unwanted attention, I think I would have been jumping up and down with joy. Bella and Edward stood in front of me. They really were here - alive and together. I still found it hard to believe.

Before I could think better of it, I pulled Bella into a fierce hug, it was slightly awkward though, as Edward still hadn't removed his arm from around her. I didn't care though; in fact it made me ecstatic. _After all they've been through, they have to be back together now, right? _

"Thank you so much," I whispered in Bella's ear. The words weren't enough, but they would have to do. She had been willing to risk her life to bring my son back alive; I could never truly show her the depth of my gratitude.

Letting go of Bella, I turned to my son. I hadn't seen him since last October; a part of me still couldn't really believe he was really here.

I threw my arms around him, as if to confirm that he was real. If it were possible I would have been crying tears of happiness, as it was, all I did was dry sob.

"You will _never_ put me through that again." I surprised even myself with how fiercely the words came out. It was nearly a growl.

_I mean it, Edward. You ever do that again, I will follow you, no matter where you go, literally drag you home, and then never let you out of my sight again for the rest of eternity._

Edward grinned at my thoughts.

"Sorry, Mom," he said repentantly. I instantly melted at the use of the term of endearment. I couldn't stay cross at him, especially not when he called me 'Mom'. He was my son, and he was here, and safe, and that was all that mattered.

"Thank you, Bella. We owe you," I heard Carlisle say to her. _Talk about an understatement._

Bella mumbled something in reply that sounded like 'hardly'. Maybe one day she would understand just how important what she had done was. Not just today, but everything. She had brought my son to life and I could never repay her enough for that.

Looking at Bella, I realised how exhausted she looked.

_Why hadn't she slept on the plane?_ I looked at my son accusingly. _Edward, she needs sleep. Why didn't you make her sleep on the plane?_

"She's dead on her feet," I scolded out loud. "Let's get her home."

Carlisle walked beside me as I helped Edward prop Bella up as she sleepily stumbled through the airport. I'm sure without us there she probably would have just collapsed and fallen asleep in the middle of the floor. Quite randomly, I suddenly had an image of a sleeping Bella on an airport conveyor belt. I heard Edward's gentle snort beside me.

_You should know I have a random imagination by now._

_It's good to have you back,and Bella too. Please tell me you're going to go back to her now?_

"If she'll have me," Edward whispered too quiet for Bella's human hearing. Both Carlisle and I turned to look at him. Even Alice – who was walking behind us with Jasper – tore her graze from Jasper's for a second to roll her eyes at him. She promptly returned her attention back to her mate.

_Of course she will._

We had arrived at the airport car park. Rosalie and Emmett were waiting for us. Edward stiffened immediately.

"Don't," I whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should," Edward said harshly.

"Not her fault," Bella garbled in her sleep-deprived state.

"Let her make amends," I pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper." Edward glowered once more at Rosalie.

_Please…_

"Please, Edward," Bella said. That decided it and Edward began leading Bella towards the car.

"Come on," Carlisle said and we all followed him to the other car.

"I'm glad your home, Alice," I told her once we were seated in the car. I had not got a chance to speak to her.

"Me too," she quipped and we all laughed.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked.

"I made a mistake-" Alice began.

"You are not to blame for any of this," both Carlisle and I told her quickly.

"I still made a mistake. I should have checked. Made sure before I told you all. But I saw her jump off a cliff, how was I to know she's into extreme sports nowadays?"

"Extreme sports?" we all questioned.

"Cliff-diving for recreational purposes."

"Recreational purposes?" I questioned unbelievingly. How could anyone jump off a cliff for fun? I had to resist the urge for shudder as I remembered how it had felt to fall from the cliff face. _How could anyone consider that fun?_

Alice shrugged. "Apparently, yes."

"What happened in Volterra?" Carlisle asked.

"They declined him at first. If they hadn't done that, we would never have gotten there in time. Aro offered Edward a place in the guard, but Edward turned him down.

"Elezear was right," Carlisle murmured.

"Alice?" Jasper said frantically. "Do they know of your gift?" Alice nodded and Jasper swore.

"Jasper," I chided half-heartedly. I couldn't blame him for his reaction, after all I had heard about the Volterra, I knew that couldn't possibly be good.

"Alice, you do know what this means?" Jasper asked her.

"Yes, Jasper, I do. Let me finish the story. After they had rejected his request, he tried to think up different ways to provoke them. He settled for stepping out in the sun. He was going to do it at midday during the St. Marcus day festivities."

"Oh, the Volturi would have loved that, no doubt," Carlisle murmured darkly.

"By the time we got there I was trapped by the sunlight, but Bella managed to get to him in time. Unfortunately, Felix and Dementri were there."

"Dementri?" Carlisle questioned. Obviously, the vampire in question had joined the guard after his time with the Volturi.

"He's a tracker," Alice explained. "A very powerful one by what I can tell."

"Knowing the Volturi, he'll be the most powerful tracker there is."

"Anyway, I tried to get there in time to prevent Jane from arriving as well, but it didn't work." I knew which one Jane was – a sadistic torturess from what Carlisle had told me. The idea of any of my children at her mercy horrified me.

"Long story short. We were taken into the castle and talked to Aro and the other masters. They said that Bella was a liability because she knew the secret, and that for them to allow her to leave Edward would have to agree to change her and mean it." I felt myself gasp involuntarily.

"Did he?" I whispered. Alice shook her head. "Aro was going to touch his hand to check and I saw that he wouldn't think Edward's wishes sincere enough. Even now, he doesn't want her changed. Despite the fact it's going to happen. Has to happen."

"So what happened?" Carlisle asked. "With Aro?"

"I offered to allow him to read my thoughts as well-"

"Alice, why would you do that?" Jasper interjected. "Do you have any idea how tempting a gift like yours could be to the Volturi? What would I have done if they'd insisted on keeping you?" he whispered the last part so quietly we barely heard it.

"Hey, hey," Alice said, tilting his face to look at her. "I'm not going anywhere again. I had to show him my thoughts. It was the only way to get us out of there alive. Trust me, between Edward and me trying to think up an escape, I saw all other possible futures. It was the only way to get us all out."

"So the Volturi want Bella changed," Carlisle summarised.

"Yes," Alice agreed. "But Edward's still against it. In fact, him and Rosalie just made a pact to try and keep her human. Rosalie's way of making it up to them both." We all lapsed into silence. I was pondering the consequences of what Alice had just told us and I was sure everyone else was too."

"You two might want to give Rosalie and Emmett a phone call and swap cars," Alice suggested. "Charlie's going to be irate and having your presence there alongside Edward helps to calm things down. A little bit at least." I felt a wave of guilt as I realized Carlisle and I weren't the only parents who had spent the last couple of days worrying about the fate of our children. Charlie Swan had been through it all as well, except he'd known even less than we did. Perhaps, considering where his daughter was and what she was doing, that ignorance could be considered a good thing, expect the only thing worse than knowing what was going on in situations such as this was to not know. As terrible thing as losing a child is, I'm sure most parents of missing children would rather learn they were dead than never learn anything at all and only be able to presume them dead.

"I'll phone them," I announced. I quickly phoned Rosalie and explained the situation.

"Huh," Alice said when I put the phone down. "Rosalie's going to apologize to me. That's two apologies in the space of a few hours. Surely, that's a record for her considering in usual situations getting an apology from Rosalie is like getting blood from a stone."

"Two apologies?" I questioned. "So she's apologized to Edward and Bella then?" Alice nodded as Carlisle began to pull the car over. I could see Rosalie and Emmett waiting for us just ahead.

We completed the switch quickly and quietly. As soon as I was sat down in the passenger seat, I turned around to look at Edward and Bella in the back seat. Bella had finally fallen asleep with her head against Edward's chest. It was the same position I often sat or laid in with Carlisle, except I couldn't fall asleep.

"It's good to have you back, son," Carlisle said as he kept driving.

"Yes, Carlisle, I got that from the first twenty mental messages," Edward replied with a small smirk. Then his face fell serious once more. "I'm sorry," he said with a sigh. "I know I broke my promise, Esme. But just the thought of living without Bella, I couldn't do it. No more than you two could live without each other."

I sighed. "We understand, Edward. But now you have a chance to put this all right."

"No, Esme!" Edward said sharply, clearly seeing where my thoughts were going. "I can't change her!

"She's going to die eventually, son," Carlisle said gently. "And then what will you do?""

"I don't know," Edward admitted. I couldn't help but think he was lying to spare our feelings. That he knew exactly what he would do. The same as he just had.

"We're here," Carlisle announced. Charlie Swan was in the doorway and coming down his path within a minute of us pulling up. Clearly, he had been up and waiting for news of Bella.

"Bella!" he shouted as we got out of the car. Edward was carrying Bella.

"Charlie," Bella murmured.

"Shh. It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep," Edward whispered to her lovingly.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face around here!" Charlie bellowed in Edward's face. He was stood next to him now, trying to take his daughter out of Edward's arm.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella groaned.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," Edward said reassuringly, beginning to walk towards the house. "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do," Charlie yelled, being dragged along with Edward as he refused to let go of Bella. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

_Perhaps it is best just to give her to Charlie for now, Edward. You know she is safe. He deserves the same knowledge._

Edward tried to pass Bella to Charlie, but she clung hold of his shirt, refusing to let go. In that moment I realized without a doubt that Bella would definitely accept Edward back. She loved him just as much as she had before he left her.

"Cut it out, Dad," Bella ordered as Charlie continued to try and take her out of Edward's arms. I saw her force her eyes open to attempt to look her father directly in the eyes. "Be mad at _me."_

"You bet I will be," Charlie promised. I didn't doubt that he was. Underneath my relief that Edward had returned safely I'll admit there was a part of me that was angry at him for putting his life in jeopardy like that. For he had to have known exactly how much that would hurt us all.

"Get inside," Charlie told Bella.

"'Kay. Let me down," Bella agreed reluctantly. As soon as Edward placed her feet on the ground she began to fall and Edward caught her. I saw Charlie's scowl deepen.

"Perhaps we should go," Carlisle suggested gently, his eyes also on Charlie. Edward still seemed reluctant.

_You can always return later. It wouldn't be the first time you've climbed through Bella's window, now would it? _I saw the corners of my son's mouth turn up at my comment before he composed his face again.

"Just let me get her upstairs," Edward said. "Then I'll leave."

"No," Bella cried in panic.

"I won't be far," Edward whispered in Bella's ear, far too low for Charlie to hear.

Edward got her to the bottom of the stairs, before Charlie insisted on taking over. Bella lunged slightly in his grasp and Charlie seemed to struggle under her weight. But we all knew he would not allow Edward to hold her again now he had finally got her out of his grasp. Bella tried to take a step forward and she fell a little to one side. Without thinking about it, I caught her arm so she was propped between the two of us.

"Charlie-" Edward began to say.

"I don't care. I'm sure you want to apologize, but if anything had happened to my little girl…"

"Come on, Charlie, let's get her to bed," I said soothingly. With one last furious look in Edward's direction, the two of us began leading Bella into the house and up the stairs. She collapsed on the bed the minute we got there. Charlie stayed by her side, putting her blanket over her and I left to give him some space.

"Perhaps you should leave and allow Esme and I to talk to Charlie," I hear Carlisle suggest as I join him in the Swans' small kitchen. Edward was staring up and to the right – in the direction of Bella's room.

"She'll be fine, she's just a little tired," Carlisle told him softly, spotting his preoccupation.

We all heard Charlie move upstairs and began his descent downstairs.

His eyes narrowed the minute he saw Edward.

"You!" he shouted. "How dare you stand there in my kitchen? Get out of my house! I never want to see you near my daughter again. Do you have any idea what you've put her through?" I could see by the look on Edward's face he was clearly learning via Charlie's thoughts. "Get out!"

"Charlie-" Carlisle began.

"I don't want to hear it!" Charlie snapped at him. "Get your son out of my house!"

"Come on, Edward," I said, beginning to walk towards the front door. Carlisle started to follow me. Edward didn't move.

_You can always come back without Charlie knowing._

Reluctantly, Edward began to follow us.

"And don't come through my door again!" Charlie shouted after him before slamming his front door shut.

We all got into our car, but we stopped a short distance from the Swans' house, just far enough away for Charlie to think we'd left. Edward got out of the car without word.

"When will you come home, son?" Carlisle asked.

Edward sighed. "I don't know. When I can," he told us. I watched him leave. Everything wasn't sorted out yet. I had no doubt in my mind that Bella would take him back, but even after that the two of them had a lot to discuss – including Bella's mortality. _But at least he's home._

"Let's go upstairs," my husband suggested as we pulled up to our house. I understood why. We needed some time to discuss everything that we had learned.

"What happens next?" I asked my husband once were laid down together on our bed. Earlier, relief had been blocking out any other thoughts aside from the knowledge that everyone was coming home safe, now I could look into the future and wonder. What was next for Bella and Edward? Surely, he would not leave her again, but then what? He had made it very clear over the last couple of days he could not live without Bella, but I still couldn't see him changing his mind about the concept of changing her.

Carlisle sighed. "As far as I can see there are only two choices left. Either Bella is changed or they will both die someday." He stroked my hair comfortingly as I snuggled further into his embrace.

"After everything that's happened over the last few days, how can we even consider the latter option a possibility?"

"We can't," Carlisle whispered quietly in response.

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**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	91. Intervention

2006

_Edward_

My family were all blocking me when I arrived home. Various pieces of nonsense hit me from all sides.

I had not wished to leave Bella's side. Every minute with her was precious as surely they were limited. She would wake up soon and then I would have to see if she was willing to take me back. But why would she? I had put her through Hell. Though Alice had, per my request, tried to stop looking into Bella's future once we left Forks, she had been unable to stop herself from having flashes now and then. That was part of the reason I had to leave. I couldn't watch Bella suffer so. It ate away at my already shaky control, telling me Bella clearly wasn't going to forget me. I'd thought I had to believe she would, for her sake.

But it had been Alice's visions of Victoria that had confirmed I needed to go. _And you did such a good job of that_, I mocked myself sarcastically.

So, needless to say, I had not wanted to leave Bella's side, but I knew I had to go see my family. I owed them an explantation - Carlisle and Esme especially, for I had promised Esme I would return home, and yet had run off to Italy without a second thought for the family I would leave behind me. All I could think of was that Bella was dead. Gone. I had known this day would come, that one die Bella would die and I would follow, but I had expected a few decades. For her to get a chance to live her life. For me to be able to give my family some form of closure before I killed myself.

"Edward," Esme greeted me at the front door. She was blocking me, her thoughts filled with decorating ideas. "Come in," she said as she gently grabbed my wrist and lead me into the main room. Three sofas were placed in a horseshoe shape, my brothers and sisters occupied the two side, a couple to each chair, and Carlisle sat at the top. At the bottom of the shape, just out of the horseshoe in the middle of the adjecent sofas, was one of our dining chairs. It was into this chair Esme sat me before sitting down oppoiste me, next to Carlisle. All six members of my family were staring at me. Their faces were somber and their thoughts was a jumbled mess of nonsense to block me.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I know I put you all through Hell. I didn't think-"

"Damn straight you didn't, little brother," Emmett interrupted. "Did you not stop and think of us for even one second?" His words stung, even more so because he was the one top say them. My usually laidback brother's face was serious, not a trace of a smile. When even Emmett was being serious, it was a sign that things were bad indeed. I truly had taken the cheer out of my jovial brother - something I would have thought it impossible to do until now.

The rest of my siblings all spoke at once following Emmett's statement. The words blurred together but I caught the general gist - what was I thinking?

"One at a time, remember?" Carlisle interjected. "That's how this works."

"I can't began to apologize-" I began again.

"Edward," Carlisle interrupted. "I know you'll have a lot to say to us, but we all have something to say first. Everyone will get a chance to speak, and then you will. You need to listen to us, son. You were willing to risk your own life, to actively seek your own death. Please, just listen to what we have to say, son." He paused, sighing slightly. "I believe humans call it an intervention," he added, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. "Now, Emmett, did you have anything else to add?"

Emmett shurgged. "Not really. Except we love you and all, but you're an idiot." I could hear the agreement in my family's thoughts, even my parents were in agreement with Emmett's statement.

"Rosalie," Carlisle addressed my sister.

"I know I'm not blameless in all this." I couldn't help the sarcastic snort that escaped me.

_Edward! _Both Carlisle and Esme mentally scolded me. They both told me she was just trying to help put things right.

Rosalie continued as if I hadn't made any noise. "I shouldn't have phoned you. I'll admit it. But you have to understand why I did it." Rosalie fell silent then but her mind did the explaining for me. I saw her and Emmett on their trip to Europe. I saw them purchase a gift for me in the hope I would have returned once I had arrived home. Emmett had been so optimistic about my return, but Rosalie knew he was was forcing himself to be. I watched as Emmett tried to keep his cheery attitude up once they arrived home to find me still gone, mainly for our parents benefit. He hadn't fooled Rosalie for a second. I listened in as well as Rosalie and Emmett accidentally overheard our parents talking, Esme asking if Carlisle thought I was ever going to return home this time. Emmett turning to Rosalie, the same question on his face, and none of them knowing the answer.

"I know you think I just did it for bitchy, vain reasons as usual. But I had my reasons and I stick to them."

"I know, Rosalie," I admitted softly. The more I saw of my family during the last few months, the more I hated myself for what I'd done, and what I was planning to do in the future.

"And it may surprise you, but I would have actually missed you," she said with a slight laugh. To my surprise, I realized she wasn't actually lying, I could see it in her mind, as my family sat there waiting for news from Italy. She had been just as nervous as any of the others. For me and for Alice. Even for Bella. No matter what her opinon of my love, she still did not want her to die because of what she had started.

"I'm done," Rosalie announced. All eyes turned to Alice and Jasper.

"I'll go first," Jasper said. "I'm no I'm not exactly blameless in all this either," he said darkly. I heard my family debating when he was going to stop blaming himself

"Jasper, it wasn't your fault," I told him forcefully.

"So I keep being told. As far as this intervention goes there's little I can tell you. Except surely you know what losing you would do to your family." Jasper was remembering what he had felt off the others for the last few months. How he'd had to avoid everyone simply because it hurt him too much to be near them. The emotional pain was nearly crippling in its intensity. _That's what I did to them?_ Jasper stopped himself from remembering the emotional onslaught as he recognized the intensity of my guilt here in the present.

"I told you," Alice said, indicting the end of her husband's turn. "Her path's as set as ever." She showed me Bella as a vampire again, but there was another vision she nearly showed me before blocking me. Me in a suit and Bella ... in a white dress?

_I'm not spoiling that one!_ Alice insisted. She was now thinking about making it up to Jasper tonight, so I quickly tried to block her thoughts.

_Did she just show me my wedding day?_ The idea of marrying Bella made me estactic - more so since Bella had appeared human in the glimpse of the vision I had seen.

"Do you have anything else to say Alice?" Carlisle asked. Alice shook her head.

"Not for now, except to say I missed you, not-so big brother." She smiled slightly. During my absence she had learned she was born in August 1901, just two months after me. She was my little sister, but only just.

"Esme," Carlisle said, indicating it was his wife's turn to talk. Unlike the others Esme didn't say anything outloud first.

_You tried to kill yourself, Edward. I know what that feels like, but ... I had no one to turn to. There was no one left. You had a loving family to come back to. _

As Esme thought of her own suicide she also thought of a different image. Me jumping off a cliff. My mother understood why I had wanted to die. What she didn't understand was how I couldn't have even given my family any consideration in my decision.

"I didn't stop to think, Esme," I said quickly. I didn't want her to think I didn't care for my family.

"I wouldn't have jumped from that cliff I'd have been able to see any other option. I could hardly return home now, could I? You didn't even stop to check that Bella was actually dead. Is your life worth that little to you, Edward? Because it's worth a lot more than that to me, to all of us." She looked over at her husband, signalling it was his turn to speak. My guilt increased even before Carlisle had begun to speak. For it was Carlisle and I who had been together as a family longest.

"Like your mother, I know how it feels to try and kill yourself. Like you, I thought I had to do it. But I look at the people in this room, and I'm thankful my attempts failed. Suicide is never the answer, son. Even if Bella had been dead, do you think she would have wanted you to kill yourself?" Carlisle's gentle words pierced through me, because he was right. I remembered her pleading with me to never even think about killing myself again as we watched Romeo and Juliet.

"Why would you do this?" Carlisle asked, and I recognized it was now my turn to speak.

"I know I've hurt you all and I'm sorry." I had said that so many times it felt ineffective, but what else was there to say. I would need to say it a lot more once Bella woke up, not that a mere word could ever begin to comprehend how apologetic I was for what I had done to her.

"Edward, just promise you'll never do this again, please" Esme said gently. _And mean it this time,_ she added silently. I wanted to say that I promised, but I couldn't. Bella was going to die one day and I would follow her then. My entire family watched me, waiting for me to speak.

_Edward please. You can't do this again!_ Esme was pleading now.

"You're not going to are you?" Emmett said.

_Just make the promise, Edward. Bella's never going to die. _Alice tried once more to prove Bella's future immortality to me. I had done everything I could to stop that from happening and yet Alice still saw it clear as day. But the only options were that we both died or I damned her, and I couldn't the latter. Bella deserved more.

"Son," Carlisle said pleadingly. _She doesn't have to die at all, son. You said you weren't angry at me for what I did. How can you not be angry and still claim that changing Bella would damn her?_

"Even I'm not this selfish, Edward," Rosalie chimed in.

"I should go back to Bella," I announced, fleeing the house. Their hurt thoughts followed me. Worst of them all was my parents. I knew one thing for certain - they weren't going to let me go next time round without a fight.

Guilt rolled over as me as I ran to Bella's house. I had seen what it was like for my family when they thought I was dead, how could I do that to them again? But how could I live in a world without Bella - for she would die eventually? Unless I changed her, but that would be the ultimate act of selfishness. Perhaps killing myself was selfish, but killing Bella - or as good as killing her - was even more so.

Silently, I climbed through the window and settled myself on Bella's bed.

"Edward," she called in her sleep. "Edward," she said frantically. "Edward." She groaned. "Edward."

"Shhh, I'm right here, love," I murmured, while wondering if she would think that a good thing or a bad thing. All other thoughts flew from my mind as watched Bella -my sweet precious Bella, alive and safe, for now- sleep.

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**Only one New Moon chapter left and then it's on to Eclipse.**

**If updates slow down over the next few weeks don't worry, I won't have forgotten about this fic. Just I move out and start uni soon - meaning RL is about to get a lot more busy, therefore less time for writing.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	92. Agreements

2006

_Carlisle_

"Well, that went well," Emmett quipped as Edward fled our house after our failed intervention. We hadn't changed a thing - he still intended to get himself killed at some point in the future.

"He wouldn't promise," Esme whispered despairingly. I held my wife a little closer, rubbing her arm soothingly.

"Trust me. Bella still becomes one of us - no one has to die," Alice told us all. Everyone lapsed into silence. We all trusted Alice's judgment, but Edward seemed so determined. I simply couldn't see him changing her mind. Of course, Alice had told us before Edward arrived about the promise she'd made to Bella. That she would change Bella herself - but I couldn't see her following through on that promise. It was too risky, Alice had never changed anyone before, and, despite her annoyance at her brother for his 'idiocy', as she put it, she would not wish to do something he so badly despised. After all, if the point was to make Edward and Bella happy, how could they be if Bella's life at his side started by her going behind his back?

"I'm going to talk to him again when he gets home," Esme murmured. "He. Can't. Do. This."

"I know, love," I whispered. She was right - Edward couldn't expect us to just accept the fact that he was going to die one day. I couldn't do that. I loved my son too much.

"Let's move everything back to where it should be," Esme suggested, standing up. I did the same and so did the others. Within no time we had moved the sofas into their usual positions and moved the chair back into the dining room. Esme began unpacking the rest of the furniture and pulling dust sheets of what we had left behind. I began to help her - both of us lost in thought. We had moved onto our bedroom when we heard Alice gasp from inside her own room.

"Edward and Bella are coming over," Alice announced to us all. "Apparently, Bella finds his decision as stupid as we do." Not long afterward we heard the sound of Edward running, alongside Bella's heartbeat.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I heard Edward say. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now too," Bella replied. Bella was right - her immortality had been demanded by the Volturi. This did affect our entire family now.

Edward called our names as he entered the main room. I went downstairs to meet them.

"Welcome back, Bella," I said with a smile. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded. "I need to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." I looked over at Edward. He looked annoyed but exasperated. I could only assume this discussion would be about Bella's mortality.

_It's as much her decision as yours._ My son frowned at me.

"Of course," I said to Bella. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" I led Bella into the dining room, pulling out the chair at the head of the table that I usually sat in. The rest of my family had followed us in and we all sat around the table. Alice was grinning; suggesting whatever was about to happen was to her agreement.

I nodded towards Bella. "The floor is yours."

She swallowed nervously. "Well," she began and then paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured her.

Bella looked at her meaningfully. "And on the way?"

"That, too," Alice said with a nod. _Is Bella about to ask our permission for Alice to change her?_

"Good," she said, relieved. "Then we're all on the same page." She was quiet was a moment, thinking. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing - something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around at us all, concern in her eyes. After everything she had been through - she still cared for us all. She looked at Edward last and her love for him was clear on her face. Edward, on the other hand, was grimacing, making no secret of the fact he did not like what she was suggesting.

"But if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not." She held up one finger as Esme opened her mouth to speak - no doubt to reassure her that we did indeed want her as a part of our family. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide this is a vote. I you decide you don't want me, then ... I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here._" Edward growled at her words.

_We'd never allow that to happen. You should know that by now._

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." She gestured towards me to begin. I was thrown of balance for a second, debating which way to vote. If I said yes, Edward may not ever forgive me. But if I said no, then both she and Edward would die one day, perhaps my entire family. I couldn't have that.

"Just a minute," Edward interrupted before I could answer. "I have something to add before we vote. About the danger Bella is referring to - I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

_If the Volturi want her changed, Edward, they will make sure we do as they order._

"You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." He was grinning now - whatever it was he was clearly proud of himself.

"Which was?" Alice asked skeptically.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" Bella shuddered at his question - that was obviously a yes.

"He finds people - that's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker - a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the ... flavor? I don't know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiment, well..." Edward shrugged. Alice had explained to us how Bella had been immune to Aro and Jane's talent. It suggested her mind was closed to all, not just Edward. Just her mind though, as Alice could still see her future and Jasper feel and manipulate her moods.

"You think he wouldn't be able to find me," Bella said flatly. She was obviously unimpressed with this new turn in events. There was more behind this than just her fear of the Volturi's retribution. As Esme had once said, she wanted immortality to be with Edward forever.

"I'm sure of it," Edward said smugly. "He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

_Not quite, son. They'll simply track you instead and then what? We can't have a clash between our family and the Volturi - it's too risky. One of us could get hurt._

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella demanded.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell you when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It'll be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" Edward and Emmett exchanged smirks.

_There's still an obvious flaw in this plan, son. They can find you. Surely, you don't intend to put your life at risk again after everything that's happened?_ Edward seemed to be ignoring my mental comments.

"But they can find you." Bella had spotted the same flaw I had.

"And I can take care of myself," Edward announced.

"Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett said enthusiastically. He and Edward bumped fists.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," Bella said firmly.

"Nice," Jasper said appreciatively.

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

_No, Edward! We're not going to allow you to risk your life again! _Judging by the glare my wife sent my son I knew she was as against the idea I was, if not more strongly.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," Bella said, trying her hardest to sound calm. "Let's vote." She looked over at Edward first this time. "Do you want me to join your family?"

"Not that way. You're staying human," he said flatly. Bella nodded once, struggling to keep her face neutral. Clearly, Edward's rejection hurt her more than she wanted to let on.

Alice and Jasper both voted 'yes' to no one's surprise. Alice had made no secret of how she saw Bella's future panning out and Jasper knew how much Alice wanted it, so he was never going to vote against her.

"Rosalie?" Bella asked.

She hesitated for a moment before saying, "No." Bella tried to hide her disappointment as she turned to move on, but Rosalie held her hands up to stop her.

"Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that ... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me." Her words cut through me, after all these years; she still hadn't truly forgiven me. If I had known how much she would hate what she would become I would never have changed Rosalie, but I couldn't undone my decision, and no number of apologies would ever have made it up to her. I would just have to accept that.

Bella nodded at Rosalie to show she understood and then turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." All four girls grimaced at that and I didn't blame them.

Bella turned to Esme next. "Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of this family."

"Thank you, Esme," she murmured, before turning her attention to me. But my eyes were on Edward. I had already made my mind up; I knew what I had to answer. I couldn't risk losing my son again. He would be angry at me perhaps, but he would still be here at least.

"Edward," I said.

"No," he growled at me.

"It's the only way that makes sense," I insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." Edward glared at me before shoving himself away from the table and storming out, snarling insults at me under his breath.

"I guess you know my vote," I said to Bella with a sigh. Underneath the table, Esme interlocked my hand with hers and squeezed it comfortingly. _Will Edward ever forgive me?_

"Thanks," Bella mumbled to me. She was staring at the spot where Edward had disappeared; the hurt was clear in her eyes. A loud crash sounded from next door; beside me Esme flinched, no doubt wondering which part of her living room Edward had destroyed.

"That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too," Bella said quickly, the gratitude was clear in her voice. Esme was by her side almost instantaneously, hugging her.

"Well, Alice," Bella said once Esme had let go. "Where do you want to do this?" _She can't possibly think Alice can do this now. We don't even know if Alice can do this. Since this is definitely going to happen now, perhaps I should offer to do it. Alice will never forgive herself if something goes wrong. Edward will never forgive any of us. It will be the end of our family._

Alice was staring at Bella in horror.

"No! _No!_ NO!" Edward roared as he charged back into the room. "Are you insane?" he shouted at Bella, his face only inches from his own. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

"Edward!" Esme scolded quietly.

_Calm down, son. You're scaring her_. I pointedly looked at Bella, who had cringed away from him.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected anxiously. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare..."

"You promised," Bella reminded her fiercely.

"I know, but ... Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not _kill you."

"You can do it," Bella encouraged. "I trust you." Edward snarled furiously and Alice shook her head, panicked.

"Carlisle?" Bella asked me. Edward forced his palm out towards me, as if telling me not to talk. I ignored him.

_Surely it's better me than Alice. You know I will not harm her._

"I'm able to do it," I told Bella. "You would be in no danger of me losing control." I began to plan how this could work. It would be best to send the others out, but Edward would no doubt refuse to go. Perhaps we should all move first, after all they was no reason it had to be done right now. We would have to leave Forks either way, but leaving with her still human would be easier.

I tried to imagine how it would pan out once we were both ready. It was difficult to imagine. Of course, it was the same procedure I had done four times before, but never on a willing subject. Never on someone who was expecting what was about to happen. The whole idea just seemed surreal to me.

"Sounds good," Bella managed to mumble despite Edward's hold on her jaw.

_Edward, let her go! This is her decision. I'm just respecting it - you should do the same._

"Hold on," Edward said between his teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There no reason it not to be now," Bella managed to say, her words distorted by her inability to talk properly.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," Bella said sourly. "Now let go of me." Edward crossed his arms defiantly instead.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police," Edward said.

"All three of them," Bella retorted, but she was frowning. I knew why - Charlie Swan had surely been through enough over the last few days. What would he do if he woke up to find his daughter gone? I suddenly felt guilty - considering what role I was going to play in his daughter's 'disappearance'. I was doing this to keep my son alive, but I was taking his daughter for that purpose. Did that make me selfish? Perhaps a little, but I was also doing this for Bella's happiness - this was undeniably what she wanted.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_," Edward said to me through gritted teeth. "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," I pointed out. I was fairly certain Edward had a different motive behind his suggestion, but there was no denying it would be easier for us all to disappear once Bella had graduated. She could tell Charlie she was off to college, softening the blow when it did come. Plus, there would be no searches or missing person reports.

Bella thought for a moment. "I'll consider it," she finally said, reluctantly.

I saw Edward relax now that he knew Bella wasn't going to be changed right this minute.

"I should probably take you home," he said to her calmly. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early." He wasn't fooling any of us - he wanted her out of here as soon as possible.

_I'm not going to suddenly change my mind and bite her, you know?_ I was trying to joke but Edward ignored me.

"After graduation?" Bella asked me.

"You have my word," I promised.

She smiled happily and turned to Edward. "Okay. You can take her home now." Edward rushed her out of our house quickly.

_Edward, we need to talk about this_, I thought after him.

"Well, that was interesting," Emmett quipped - always the one to break the silences after something monumental had happened. Rosalie looked at us all despairingly before storming out of the room. Emmett looked at us apologetically before following her.

"Thanks, Carlisle," Alice said to me. I looked at her quizzically. "I don't think I could have done it, despite my promise."

"Not a problem, Alice," I said, but my voice didn't sound entirely sincere. Alice and Jasper left, leaving just Esme and me.

"You made the right decision," Esme said to me. She stood up out of her chair and came to sit on my lap instead. Automatically, I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

"You know me too well," I said with a smile.

"Over eight decades of marriage does that," she replied. "This is what is for the best, even if Edward doesn't realize yet. Being together for all eternity is an improvement on dying together."

"I know. Hopefully, he'll realize that. But what if he doesn't? Will he ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Esme said confidently. "He's your son and he loves you. He'll forgive you."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was almost over a day until Edward returned to the house. Both Esme and I looked up at the sound of his voice.

"I'll be upstairs," she told me. She kissed me gently before departing.

"Edward," I said to my son when he returned home. _You have to understand._

"I do," he said softly.

_You do?_

"I've seen what I did to you all in the months I was gone. I can't hold it against you that you don't want to go through that again."

_That we don't want to lose you_, I corrected. My son smiled slightly and then his face feel.

_What's wrong?_ I was in tune with my son's mood after nearly a century.

"I made a deal with Bella," he admitted quietly. I looked at him quizzically. "She wants me to be the person who changes her."

_Oh!_ I could think of little else, for surely Edward hadn't agreed? But he had mentioned a deal.

"I proposed to her, Carlisle."

"You're engaged?" I said, startled. Esme was suddenly by my side again. She gave a little squeal of happiness before hugging him.

"I'm not engaged," Edward said exasperatedly, separating himself from would have been a bone crushing hug if it were possible.

"But you said-"

Edward sighed. "I said I proposed."

"But surely she said," Esme began before trailing off.

"She said no?" we both said simultaneously, sounding equally shocked.

"Why would she," Esme was murmuring to herself, trying to figure out what happened.

"I don't know," Edward said darkly. "So it looks like you will be changing her, Carlisle."

_That's the deal? You'll change her if she marries you?_

"Yes," Edward said testily.

"How did you propose? Did you even have a ring?" Esme asked. Edward shook his head.

"It was rather last minute," he murmured. "Though I did tease her with the threat of a ring," he said with a slight smile.

"Well, you need to get a ring," Esme insisted. She was looking at her own engagement ring that I had purchased all those decades ago. It still felt like yesterday that I had nervously looked at rings, trying to pick exactly the right one.

_At least Edward won't have to do that._

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. I smiled slightly at him before disappearing upstairs. I began reciting the Bible in Latin to block him from my thoughts. I had placed the object I was looking for in my safe and had purposefully not thought of it for nearly nine decades. I handed Edward the ring box once I arrived back downstairs. He opened it, confused, and then gasped.

"That's Mother's ring," he exclaimed. "Where did you get that?" I showed him how I had found it when we had visited the Masens' house. Had decided that hopefully he would need it one day. "Oh, so that's what you were hiding," Edward said with a slight smile.

_I was right. You do need it._

"To purpose to a girl that doesn't want to marry me."

"Give her time, she'll see sense," I told him encouragingly.

"Bella? See sense?" he joked.

_She loves you. _I nodded towards the ring in Edward's hands. _And I've no doubt she'll wear that ring on her finger for all eternity._ My eyes drifted once more to my own wife's engagement ring. She never took it off unless she was painting, and then she did it with distaste.

"I should go get changed and then go back to Bella," he murmured before disappearing upstairs.

"So he'll change her if she agrees to marry him, right?" Esme asked. I nodded. "Good. They've finally come to an agreement."

"I have to admit I'm a little relieved." Though I fully intended to honor my agreement with Bella should I have to, the idea that it would be Edward who changed her was a relief. To start with, it showed he was accepting of her decision.

"She'll say yes, eventually," Esme said confidently. "True loves always prevails." She turned to look at me as she spoke and I smiled at her. I gently picked up her hand and kissed the diamond ring there.

"That it does."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We had returned to our old life in Forks with ease. My colleagues at the hospital had no problem swallowing the lie about Esme disliking L.A and wishing to return to Forks. Esme often joked that all the humans most think she was a right diva considering most of our cover stories seemed to revolve around her demanding to live in a certain place.

Edward and Bella seemed to have regained some form of stability in their relationship again - but they were at an impasse again. Bella wanted Edward to change her, Edward wouldn't do so unless she married him, Bella didn't want to get married since she seemed to fear the idea of marriage thanks to her mother.

My thoughts were broken by Edward storming into our house. We were in that brief period of time between Charlie throwing Edward out of the Swans' house and him falling asleep. Edward was always antsy during this period of time, but not this bad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Jacob Black," Edward seethed. Alice and Edward had both told me about the young werewolf who had become Bella's friend in our absence. Edward had told us how Bella was annoyed that he was avoiding her, but he was thankful, as being around a werewolf - particularly a young one - would have been highly dangerous.

"What did he do?" I asked.

"The treaty, Carlisle. We're not to _bite_ any human."

_Much as I respect our treaty with the wolves, I will still honor my promise to Bella. We'll be moving out of Forks beforehand anyway. Obviously, we will not be able to return for a long time, if ever. But I honestly don't feel this will make much difference._

"Jacob plans to follow us," Edward spat out.

"Follow us?" I asked. Edward nodded. His face grim. _Bella most really mean something to this boy._ Edward grimaced at my thoughts.

"He seems to mean something to her too," he murmured.

_Edward? Bella loves you._ My son smiled weakly at my attempt to be comforting.

"Then why won't she accept my proposal?"

"By the sound of it. She's not saying no because she doesn't love you. She's saying no because she only eighteen. Teen marriage is frowned upon in this era; it's not that surprising Bella would worry about that, especially given what happen with her parents."

Edward laughed sarcastically. "She's not too young to want immortality, but she's young enough to not what marriage. Does this mean she'll never be old enough to want to marry me?" I chuckled uncomfortably, uncertain if he was joking or not.

_Bella will say yes eventually, I'm certain. And we will move, eliminating any threat from Jacob Black or the pack._

Edward shrugged and went upstairs. I had been trying to be reassuring, but he had no doubt caught the uncertainty behind my thoughts. I knew Bella loved Edward, but somehow I got the feeling she would not change her mind regarding the issue of marriage. If that happened then it would be me who changed her, despite the fact both Bella and I would have preferred for it to be Edward. Not because I didn't trust myself, but if Edward was the one to change her it would show he truly was fully accepting of her decision. Then there was Victoria, who might be temporarily de-railed once Bella became a vampire, making her a much harder target, but would certainly continue her attack regardless. And as for Jacob Black, I couldn't help but think that he saw Bella as more than a friend. While I was certain her heart belonged to Edward, there was no telling what Jacob would do once he realized Bella had been changed. Would he indeed follow us across the country as Edward had said? After all, I (or Edward) would have broken the treaty.

But, despite all these obstacles, changing Bella was the only acceptable option left.

* * *

**And that, ladies and gentlemen, brings us to the end of New Moon.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	93. Chess & Chase

2006

_Esme_

I watched as Alice and Edward played chess. Well, I say played, in usual Edward and Alice fashion they made two moves and stared at the board for awhile before Alice turned her King over. In all honesty, it wasn't the best spectator sport - watching Emmett and Jasper's complicated four piece mega games was a lot more fun. That was until one of them did or said something stupid that forced me to intervene.

"Jasper v. Bella next," Alice announced. From her seat beside me, Bella groaned.

"Do I have to?" she asked exasperatedly. "He'll trounce me."

"But it'll be fun to watch," Alice replied perkily. Bella give a half-heartened eye roll as she walked over to sit opposite Jasper at the chess board.

"Worried?" he taunted.

"A little," Bella admitted. "I'm no good at chess anyway, never mind against a vampire." _And a strategic vampire at that_.

"It could be worse," I told her. "Your only options for opponents could be a mind reader who keeps beating you because he hasn't told you he can read minds yet." Bella glared over at Edward, who smirked at me.

"That's mean," she told him fiercely. He just grinned more.

"Or a man who despite being centuries older than you keeps losing to you suggesting you may not be winning on your own merit," I continued, unable to stop the smile that spread across my face. All four of them laughed then. "I really don't think I won any of those matches fair and square, despite Carlisle's insistence that I did."

"You didn't," Edward told me, still grinning. "Not a single one."

"Edward," Bella scolded. "Anyway, I believe I was supposed to be getting my butt kicked at chess."

"That you were," Jasper told her. I watched on as they began playing. Bella's moves were hesitant and uncertain, while Jasper moved with precision and showed no mercy towards her, despite her novice status. Edward attempted to help her but was accused of cheating by Alice and Jasper, so he came to sat next to me instead.

_So you got Charlie to agree to Florida?_ He nodded and I breathed a sigh of relief. Alice had had a vision of Victoria coming to Forks on Saturday and we wanted Bella as far as way as possible when we tried to take her down. Unfortunately, Alice could not give us more precise details as Victoria seemed to keep changing his mind.

"Checkmate," Jasper said to Bella. She knocked her King over with a smile; clearly she had been expecting to lose.

"We should be getting you back home," Edward told her.

"Sure, sure," Bella said off-handedly and I saw Edward's face fall. There was a sudden change in atmosphere. Everyone had been relaxed and happy a second ago, now Edward was tense, Bella startled, Jasper confused by the new emotions, and Alice perplexed. "Charlie'll be waiting," Bella said, trying to sound off-hand. Edward wrapped his arm around her tightly as he began leading her out of the room.

"What was that about?" I asked to no one in particular.

"I think," Alice said, her face screwing up when she used the word 'think', "that had something to do with that mutt Bella's 'friends' with." I sighed. In a strange way, I felt sorry for Jacob Black, despite the threat he now posed to my family, particularly my beloved son. He had been Bella's friend when we left and now he could no longer even see her. Of course, Edward was right when he spoke of the volatility of young werewolves - but it still pained me that a young boy would have to suffer because of us. Even though he was supposed to be my natural enemy.

Edward returned home while I was still mulling over the complexity of our relationship with this new breed of werewolves.

"Esme, Bella knows better than-" He cut off mid-sentence and turned to look at Alice horrified. "Or apparently she doesn't," he mumbled as he left.

"Explanation, Alice?" I asked.

"Bella's future just disappeared." She screwed her nose up again and Jasper pulled her closer to him. She hated how the wolves messed with her visions. The expression was amusing on her delicate, tiny features.

"Did no one every tell you that if the wind changes you'll be stuck like that?" I joked. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Old wives' tale," she scoffed.

"Isn't that what mother's are for? Coming out with lines like that?" Both of them smiled at me - in an 'indulge Esme's weird ramblings' way.

I smiled as I heard my favorite sound. Carlisle's car was coming up the long drive to our house. I left Alice and Jasper and headed happily towards the garage. Carlisle smiled when he got out of his car to see me waiting for him.

Without a word, I walked over and kissed him.

"That's quite a nice welcome back," he teased once our lips separated. I laughed gently.

"Take it you're not complaining?" I asked, as we begin walking back into the house together. Carlisle shook his head. "How was your day?"

"Hectic," he admitted. "Yours?"

"Fun. Bella was round. Edward's taking her to Florida this weekend."

"Well, that's one less thing to worry about at least," Carlisle murmured. He looked at me sideways.

"What, Carlisle?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Oh, nothing." I didn't buy it for a second. "Who was playing chess?" he asked, pointing to the board.

"Alice and Edward, and then Bella and Jasper."

Carlisle laughed. "Why do I get the feeling that ended badly for Bella?"

"She took it with good grace. At least no one let her win." I narrowed my eyes playfully at my husband. He chuckled unashamedly.

"I only did that once or twice. You were just so happy to win. I took great pleasure in coaxing those shy little smiles from you."

"More like every single time," I said with a pout. Carlisle leaned over and kissed me as I'd known he would.

"What can I say? I was just a young fool in love." I tapped my husband's chest in faked annoyance. "Fancy a game?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

"Are you going to let me win?"

"Of course not," he said in a mock wounded voice.

It was a close match, until I managed to checkmate his King because he'd left it open when he attacked my Queen.

"You let me win again, didn't you?" I accused.

"No," Carlisle said innocently. I glared at him.

"We've been married eighty five years, Carlisle. I know when you're lying." He smiled at me.

"I just like seeing you happy," he told me gently. He leaned over and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. It was a chaste gesture but it still made me tingle.

"I love you," he whispered gently as his head leaned towards mine and he caressed my cheek.

"I love you too, even if you are a big cheater," I told him with a smile. He laughed gently before his lips crashed over mine.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Esme," Carlisle whispered my name gently as he we lay curled up together on our bed.

"Yes?" I asked, absentmindedly tracing the lines of the muscles on his stomach.

"Did Alice say anything about Victoria? Is she working alone?"

"Mmhm," I murmured in answer, distracted by my husband's body lying under me. "Why?"

"Well, with Edward gone they'll still be five of us left."

"Good odds," I said, now wondering where he was going in this.

"Well, it probably wouldn't make much of a difference if it was only four of us," Carlisle stated in a trying to sound matter of fact voice.

"Probably, but none of us would want to sit out. That bitch needs to be dealt with," I spat out, uncharacteristically angry.

"Did you just say 'bitch'?" Carlisle questioned, amused.

"It seems a suitable word for her," I stated. I wasn't usually one for swearing - I had scolded me children enough times for it - but any other words just seemed so inadequate when it came to describing Victoria. She was hunting an innocent girl because we had killed the monster that had hunted and tricked her. Of course, I understand her anger over her mate's death, but there was no doubt in my mind that James had deserved it. I wasn't usually a violent person, but I got very protective where my children were involved - or so I'd been told. "Like a mama bear with her cubs," Emmett had once told me. The others had all chosen to question him over his never-ending obsession with bears, but I thought it was a fitting analogy.

"Anyway, I believe we were talking about your sudden desire to have one of us sit out. Nobody would do that, Carlisle. I want to keep our children as safe as possible as well, but Victoria has to be defeated."

"Esme, I wasn't talking about the children," Carlisle said gently. I sat up suddenly to stare at my husband.

"Carlisle Cullen, if you think for one second I'm staying behind while the rest of you risk your lives. I couldn't stay behind not knowing what had happened to you. I'm going." I crossed my arms, glaring down at him defiantly.

"I thought you'd say that but I had to try. Esme, love, you have to admit you're not much of a fighter." I had to fight the urge to shudder as I remembered the lessons in vampristic self-defense Carlisle and Edward had tried to give me up in Alaska. Once they'd realized I wasn't willing to attack them even in pretend, they had enlisted the help of the Denali coven, but I hadn't wanted to fight my new friends either. They had discovered the best way to get a reaction out of me was to threaten either Carlisle or Edward, but I had refused point blank to have any more defensive lessons if that's what they were going to do.

"I can't deny that," I admitted. "I'll try and stay out of the way if it does come to a fight, but I'm going. Being stuck back here alone would be undeniably worse."

"OK, love," Carlisle conceded. He kissed my forehead as I snuggled back into his embrace.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were trying to corner her, trap her in the middle, but she kept escaping out of our schemes. She began running away, directly alongside the river that marked the border between our territory and the Quileutes.

"No," Alice moaned, just as the sound of the wolves running could be heard. The smell hit us not long after. Victoria kept swapping between our side of the border and theirs. Every time we got close she would cross to their side, and vice a versa with the wolves.

Emmett launched himself at her, but she moved swiftly into Quileute land. Emmett didn't stop, following her across the border.

"Emmett!" Carlisle shouted despairingly. Out of nowhere, a gray wolf snapped at Emmett, growling defensively. I gasped in horror as Emmett managed to move out of the way just in time and give a growl back. Rosalie hissed a warning at the wolf as she went instantly to Emmett's side.

"Rosalie. Emmett. Get back on our side of the border," Carlisle ordered sharply. He moved so he was stood on the very border of our territory. Reluctantly, the other two did as he had ordered. The wolves, for the others were there now as well, watched them closely.

"She's escaped," Alice announced glumly.

Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie were still stood at the edge of the river, the Quileute wolves were lined up on the other side. The black wolf, the leader, growled at them.

"No harm was intended today. We all had a common goal, Emmett was simply trying to pursue that goal," Carlisle said to them calmly.

The wolf that had nearly attacked Emmett looked pointedly at Rosalie.

"Rosalie's actions may have been a little out of order." Rosalie hissed furiously. "But I'm sure any of you would feel the same if you felt your loved one was threatened." The leader of the wolves almost seemed thoughtful for a moment.

Jasper had moved to stand beside Carlisle and I felt a slight effect from his calming waves - though the main blast of them was aimed at the wolves.

"We can all leave in peace from here. The treaty is still intact," Carlisle continued. The black wolf nodded, but a brown wolf growled at him. I wondered if this was the infamous Jacob Black.

"We should leave now," Carlisle said to us. We all nodded, but we all walked backwards away from the wolves - our instincts wouldn't allow us to turn our backs on hostile werewolves.

Once we were away from the werewolves, we began to run properly.

"Well, that was a bust," Emmett said, which remembered me that I was cross with him.

"Emmett, what were you thinking?" I scolded.

"I was trying to get that red-haired bitch!"

"Emmett," I scolded automatically, earning a chuckle from both Carlisle and Alice. I had to assume the latter had seen our conversation.

"You could have got yourself hurt," I continued.

"You worry too much, Ma."

"That's because you take silly risks too much," I retorted. Emmett seemed to try to think up a reply before shrugging in defeat.

"What do we do now?" Carlisle asked, looking at Alice.

"Wait till next time," she said unhappily. "And hope the bloody dogs don't get involved." The worrying part was none of us asked if there would be a next time, for we all knew there would be. Victoria would not give up till either Bella was dead or she was. As against my - and Carlisle's - morals the latter idea was, it was the only acceptable option - just like with James. We had to keep our family, including Bella, safe, and we couldn't be certain in that knowledge till Victoria was gone.

**And so we have the start of Eclipse :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	94. Not Listening

2006

_Rosalie_

I shut the door behind me as I left Edward's room. I doubted what I'd just told Bella would have any effect on her or the stupid decision she was about to undertake.

_Why does she have to be so stubborn?_

There were weeks - mere weeks - till Bella's graduation and I knew she still intended to throw her life away.

"Rosalie?" Esme's gentle voice surprised me. She was waiting for me in the garage.

"Am I that predictable?" I joked half-heartened. She smiled slightly in return.

"How are you?" she asked. She must have known exactly what I had just done.

"Been better. I still think she's a fucking idiot."

"Rosalie." Esme's scolding was predictable and I smiled slightly.

"I told her everything. About what happened to me. My desires and my dreams. I don't think it made the smallest difference, Esme. She's still going to skip into your husband's office come graduation day and demand her life be taken."

"What other option is there, Rosalie?"

"The one where she doesn't throw her life away," I snapped.

"But she dies eventually-"

"As she should. As we all should have."

"Do you think Carlisle should have left me to die, when he found me in the morgue? Should he have let Emmett die, when you brought him home?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." She had picked the perfect questions to ask me. If she'd asked if he should have left me to die, then I would have answered 'yes' straight away. But the idea of Esme, dying in a morgue under a false name and buried in an unmarked suicide's grave, never knowing any life aside from one of misery. The idea of Emmett dying at the hands of that bear. I had told Bella we would all have been happier under gravestones, but in Esme and Emmett's case that wasn't true. That was why Esme had asked me the question - to try and open my mind. But some things would never change. There were three things of which I was certain: I was Rosalie Hale, I was beautiful, and I hated what I was.

"It was so much easier when it was sheer vanity that made me hate her. I want to like her now, Esme. I really am trying." And I had. I had watched from the sidelines as Alice went through her slumber party charade. Bella truly did seem a likeable enough character, now I looked at her without hatred clouding my opinion. I could like her, if she wasn't being such a stubborn prat. A girl caught up in what she thought was her fairytale that was actually a horror story. Until she saw sense I would not like her. I simply couldn't. For who was this girl, who dared to throw away everything I dreamed of, who would throw my own hopes and desires back in my face, as if they were insignificant? "But I can't. She just didn't listen. Unlike the rest of us she had a choice, and she picked the wrong option."

"The wrong option for whom? If she doesn't do this then both she and Edward die eventually."

"That's why you've agreed to this," I murmured.

"After what happened, how could we ever allow anything like that to happen again?" I knew Esme had a valid point. That she was being logical. But damn it, I didn't want to be.

"A little selfish, isn't it?" I spat out at her. I lashed out at her to avoid lashing out at myself internally, to hide my own indecision. I hated seeing Bella throw her life away, but there was no denying Esme had a point.

"Perhaps. But I don't think its selfish to want my children to be happy. And that includes you, Rosalie. What will make you happy?"

"A decade from now Bella being as bitter and miserable as I am," I replied coldly.

"I honestly don't think Bella will regret this."

"She's choosing life as a monster! What is there not to regret?"

"She gets to spend eternity with the man she loves." I resisted the urge to sigh in disgust. Esme was just like Bella. Optimistically looking at a real-life nightmare as if it was some sort of perfect dream.

"Yes, because this is just what everyone dreams of as a girl."

"Indeed it is," Esme replied. "Well, me at least, but I was fairly abnormal girl."

"You dreamed of being a blood sucking demon?" I asked sarcastically.

"No. I dreamed of being Carlisle's wife," she replied reminiscently. I had forgotten Esme had known Carlisle as a human first - if only briefly.

"If someone had given you the choice back then? What would you have picked? Honestly."

"I'd have chosen to be with Carlisle, no matter what," Esme replied without hesitation.

"Over anything?" I asked. "Over a normal marriage. Over children. Over grandchildren. You'll have picked Carlisle?"

"Yes," Esme replied without hesitation.

"What about over William?" I asked harshly. I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. I had wanted to help her try and see things my way, but this was going too far.

"Would I have preferred for William to survive and for me to have never met Carlisle again. Is that what you're asking, Rosalie?"

"Esme, I'm sorry," I said quickly.

"I don't know. You asked for an honest answer and there it is. I don't know who I'd pick. But that's not the way my life turned out. I regret William's death. I will always mourn for him. But I am not going to be upset over the fact that I got a chance to be with Carlisle," Esme told me forcefully.

"I shouldn't have asked," I mumbled. "It's just...Bella."

"Rosalie, Bella has made her decision. You might not agree with it, you don't have to agree with it. But it's her decision and you have to respect that," Esme said in that gentle but firm voice she used when something was important.

I shook my head. "I've been trying so hard not to think about what that bastard did to me, and I just relived it all. For nothing."

"Oh Rosalie," Esme said softly, pulling me into a motherly hug. For once I didn't pull away, allowing myself the comfort only my kind mother could give.

"So," Esme said, walking over to look in the open bonnet of my newest project. "What does this ... thingy majing do?" She knew I didn't want to talk about the past anymore, I had rehashed it too many times already.

"Do you honestly care?" I asked.

"Um ... no," Esme admitted.

Alice danced into the room. "Edward's home soon, so I'm officially going to be off kidnap duty. Who wants to go for a hunt and then a girly shop?"

"Sure," I agreed.

"Sure," Esme agreed. I watched my mother as she followed Alice out of the garage and I wondered which one of us Bella would become. I had no doubt in my mind now that Bella would become one of us - no matter how distasteful I found the idea. Would she still see immortality as a gift, once she had it, and be happy and content like Esme? Or would she grow to hate it, and become cruel and bitter like me? Despite my personal feelings for the girl, I hoped she would be like Esme. For no one deserved to be like me.

* * *

**A little bit of Esme-Rosalie bonding time - I do love writing that.**

**If you don't hear from me for a while, my apologies. It's a long story, but I managed to leave my Eclipse book at home when I moved out.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	95. Broken Hand

2006

_Carlisle_

I was sat in the living room with Alice and Jasper, discussing the situation in Seattle. Recent developments meant we would have to take decisive action soon. Jasper was certain the vampire activity we had been tracking in Seattle via the human news was the work of a vampire army, similar to the one he used to serve in for Maria.

Bella had been here earlier with Edward and Jasper had told her about his past.

Our family did not usually get involved in issues within vampire society - that was the Volturi's job. But this time round we had decided we had to. We couldn't risk the Volturi travelling so close to our home, not while Bella was still human.

We also had another problem in the shape of the intruder who was in Bella's room last week. Though I sincerely wanted to believe Esme's idea that it might have just been someone who was only curious, I couldn't help but worry that there was a more sinister reason behind it.

We were all taking turns guiding Bella's house to make sure that she and her father were safe - it was my turn tonight. So far there had been no other signs of another intruder, and Alice had not seen anyone (though that was not as comforting a thought as it usually would have been as she had not seen the first one either), but we couldn't be too careful.

Once she had learned what had happened, Bella had demanded I turn her right now, for she had thought that would help. Though I could see her logic - she would be a much less vulnerable target as a vampire - as Alice had rightly pointed out it would have been the opposite of helpful right now. For it would have meant going on the run with a newborn vampire, for her father would surely search for her if she was to go missing. We would have to disappear into the ether again, as we had so main times before. That would not be so much of a problem if it were not for the fact that Jacob Black would look for her as well, and he was a much bigger risk. Charlie Swan would never know what had happened to his daughter, but Jacob Black would instantly. Edward said his every intention was to follow us and avenge the broken treaty if Bella were to "die" as he considered it.

At Bella's insistence, Edward was allowing her to go down to La Push occasionally - she was on such a visit tonight - but he didn't like the time she spent with the young werewolf, nor how she seemed to be attached to him. In all honesty, none of us did. It wasn't just the danger to Bella, but more the fact that the more time the two spent together the closer they got. Though nobody in our family mentioned it to Edward, we were certain the boy was in love with Bella. While we were all certain Bella's heart lay with Edward, for her determination to be changed proved that, Edward couldn't hide how much their friendship affected him.

"How many now, Alice?" Jasper asked his wife, bringing me back to focusing on our most pressing issue. Since we had not heard or seen from the intruder since, they was little we could do regarding them but forget them for now and concentrate on the more urgent matter of the newborn army that may or may not have been aimed at us. For who would do such a thing? This didn't seem like the work of the Volturi, they would not break their own laws so severely, of that I was certain, no matter what Aro's intentions were regarding my talented children.

_No, if the Volturi were behind this, we most definitely wouldn't have seen any news reports regarding missing humans._

"About twenty-two," Alice answered Jasper's question. "It keeps going down as they fight amongst themselves."

"What's our best option?" I asked Jasper. His face was serious and he glanced worryingly at Alice. I knew what he was thinking. If we were to get involved - and what choice did we have, all things considered?- we would be severely outnumbered. There was a high chance not all of us would return. Would I lose a son, or a daughter, or - Heaven forbid - my wife? It was an unimaginable idea. I listened to the sound of Esme sketching upstairs. She was working on plans for a cottage to give to Bella and Edward as a wedding present, optimistically believing that Bella would of course say 'yes' in the end, as was Esme's way. I knew she was trying not to think of the possible consequences of a trip to Seattle for our family. This time I couldn't even consider the idea of asking her to sit out. Not only because I knew she would never agree, but because neither of us would ever forgive ourselves if our selfishness meant we lost one of our family. We were outnumbered enough as it was.

"I think it'd be best if we went to Seattle," Jasper told me. "We'd be in their territory which is a disadvantage, but we'd have surprise of on our side, as opposed to waiting around here from them to come to us. If that is indeed their plan. Plus, that way they'd be no threat to Bella or any of Forks' other human residents," he continued grimly.

"That's what we will do then," I agreed. My voice was equally grim. "What do you see, Alice? When are we best going?" I turned my attention to my daughter.

"I don't know, Carlisle," Alice said exasperatedly. "Until you decide, I can't see."

"Sorry, Alice," I said gently. She had been under a lot of strain recently, trying to watch too many different futures. Edward had snapped at her for missing Bella's intruder, but it wasn't her fault. She was trying to juggle too much, it was only natural that she would drop the ball occasionally, and who could blame her for it?

Alice was always telling her she was not omniscient, no matter how much she may appear to be at times. But still we all saw her as imperturbable, and had to be reminded that indeed she was not.

Just then I heard the sound of Edward's car approaching the house, soon accompanied by Bella's heartbeat.

_Strange, Edward said she was going down to La Push_. He had told us this information with a grimace. Despite his agreement, he still hated her going down there. Though he had conceded the ban, he had done so reluctantly. He had only done so as Bella had already proven she was willing to risk going there even when he had asked her not too, and Edward worried that by trying to prevent her he was pushing her away. Her determination scared not just Edward, but us all.

_And it's not just to do with the dangers involved around hanging around with young werewolves._

"Fall down again, Bella?" Emmett asked cheerfully from the garage. He loved watching Bella in all her 'clumsy glory' as he put it.

"No, Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face." Complete silence reigned through our household for a second as we allowed that statement, and the image that accompanied it, to impact on us. Then Emmett roared with laughter. Beside me Alice and Jasper were laughing together. Upstairs I heard Esme give a slight giggle and I couldn't quite hide my own chuckle. It was just such a ludicrous image. There was no doubt a more serious side to this story, but we could all get a moments amusement from the image of Bella punching a werewolf in the face.

Rosalie ruined the moment of amusement by mentioning the bet Emmett and Jasper had recently set up, to Edward's, Esme's and my distaste. They were betting on how many people Bella would kill. I had scolded them, telling them that the loss of human lives was not something to be taken lightly, but they had pointed out that they were not going to purposefully make her kill anymore than she would have anyway. That thought had disgusted me, but the disgust was aimed at myself. How many more people would die because of my selfishness? I was changing Bella so as not to lose my son, but how many other fathers would lose their child because of me?

"Are you alright, Carlisle?" Jasper asked me cautiously. No doubt he had sensed my guilt. I shook my head to indicate I didn't want to talk about it before heading towards the front room to meet Edward and Bella, since Edward had mentioned bringing her to see me.

No doubt she's injured herself again. I suppose that's what happens when you punch a werewolf in the face. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile at the thought. The smile dropped from my face instantly when I saw the look on Edward's. Though he was trying to hide it from Bella, his face was thunderous. Whatever had happened at Jacob Black's house it had clearly pushed Edward to the edge of his temper.

"Her hand's broken," Edward said tensely.

"Come into the kitchen, Bella. I'll have a look at it," I said to her.

As I looked over Bella's hand - which was indeed broken - I noticed she was lost in her own thoughts. I had to presume she was thinking of how her hand had gotten broken in the first place. Or perhaps the possible outcome suggested by Emmett and Jasper's tasteless bet.

"It's not too bad," I told her and Edward. "You could wear a brace if you'd prefer it to wearing a cast." Unsurprisingly, Bella agreed to the brace. She stared at Edward while I paced it on her wrist. She still seemed lost in her thoughts and she did not resurface from them before her and Edward left to take her back to Charlie's.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"So, why's Bella hitting werewolves?" Emmett asked Edward once her arrived home. We all turned out attention towards Edward.

"He kissed her," Edward hissed. "That filthy mutt _kissed_ her." The rest of my children cringed at the thought along with him.

"The mutt kissed her?" Emmett shouted incredulously.

"Yes," Edward growled furiously.

"Well, her response was to hit him. That's got to be a good sign, right?" Emmett pointed out.

"He still kissed her," Edward seethed. With one last furious sigh, he stormed upstairs. I exchanged a look with Esme before we both followed him.

Edward exasperatedly called "come in" before I even had a chance to knock on the door. His room looked weird with the large king-size bed in it. Edward had had beds in his room before as props, but only singles. Edward was sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. We both sat down on either side of him.

"Edward?" Esme called gently. He looked up at us.

"Sorry," he said to us with a sigh. "It's just Bella ... and Jacob." He spat the last name out with disgust.

"There is no Bella and Jacob," Esme told him.

"Someone should tell him that," Edward growled.

"Edward-" I began gently. To my and - judging by the look on her face- Esme's surprise he cut me off when he began to laugh.

"Do we have to have this conversation? No good conversation has ever come from me being sandwiched inbetween the two of you." He smiled crookedly at us. Esme narrowed her eyes at him, as did I.

"Nice attempt to change topic, son," I replied with a gentle chuckle. "But, yes, we do have to have this conversation."

"Bella loves you," Esme told him forcefully. "Only you."

"Why hasn't she said yes yet then?" Edward asked despairingly.

"She will do eventually," Esme said confidently.

"So I keep being told," Edward muttered.

"Have faith, Edward. It will work out in the end," I told him. I had to think it was true - for it was what he deserved. He laughed humorlessly.

"This is the point where you two decide there's nothing else you can say for now and leave, hoping I'll see sense eventually," Edward told us. A slight smile had crept onto his face.

"Are you going to this time?" Esme asked him. Edward just laughed as we left.

"I really want to hate this Jacob kid. But I can't. in a strange way I feel sorry for him," Esme told me as we walked down the corridor at human pace. I understand what she meant - I didn't hate the werewolves, despite their obvious hatred of us. Plus, I suspect Esme is incapable of hating anyone. Though I suppose she would say the same about me.

Esme continued. "It's not his fault Bella's heart is already taken irreversibly." She smiled up at me. "You Cullen men are very good at doing that to us poor suspecting humans."

"Oh really?" I teased.

"Mmhm," she replied, nodding in earnest. She stood up on her tiptoes to kiss me. We were interrupted when Alice walked past.

"I'm going to take Edward for a hunt nearby," she told us. "And. Carlisle, it's your turn to watch Bella and Charlie." She disappeared down the hall and into Edward's bedroom. A second later we heard them jump out the window.

"I guess I need to go then, my dear," I said to Esme.

"I have some cottage designs to work on anyway," she said chirpily. She gave me one last kiss before disappearing into our bedroom.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was hidden in the trees, far enough away to attempt to give some privacy to the two humans in the house, but close enough to react should I sense anything that shouldn't be.

The rain became heavier. I knew the weather was essential for our cover, but sometimes I did wish we had the opportunity to live somewhere with a nicer climate.

_Perhaps I should take Esme to her island once this is all over._

Another thirty minutes passed without any incident, except I slowly became more and more drenched. I was shook from my boredom by the sound of vampire footsteps in the distance. I instantly tensed and then relaxed when I picked up my wife's familiar scent on the wind.

"I thought you'd be getting bored," she announced cheerfully as she walked over to me. "And that you might appreciate some company." She pulled my head down to hers so she could kiss me.

With an over exaggerated sigh, she sat down in the wet grass, as if she simply couldn't walk another step. I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly and she shrugged.

"It's not like Alice will actually let me wear this dress again anyway." She began fiddling with blades of grass, pulling them up. She looked pre-occupied. Ignoring the damp grass, I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm round her waist.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"I've been thinking about this whole Bella and Jacob thing."

"And," I prompted.

"I don't think this Jacob kid is going to give up on her anytime soon. Even if she did just punch him in the face." She smiled slightly at that and so did I. Now, Esme and I are not usually the sort of people to enjoy violence, but the absurdity of the image made it hard not to laugh everytime it was mentioned.

"Me neither," I agreed.

"Do you think he truly would follow us when we leave? Is he a risk to our family?" Esme asked. Obviously the matter had been weighing heavily on her mind.

Just then the familiar nauseating scent of wolf washed over us as the wind picked up. There was one not far from us. We both stood up, tense and frozen, as we heard the sound of a wolf running. I placed Esme behind me as it stopped a great distance from us, but still close enough I could tell it was staring at me. I know instantly who it was - Edward had told us about how Jacob planned to watch Bella too. In a careful, planned movement, the wolf moved its head up and down, nodding, and then ran off again.

"I think he just answered my question," Esme said weakly. She was staring after the wolf. "You'll do nothing but hurt yourself!" she shouted after it. "And Bella too!"

She fell back onto the forest floor and began to pull the grass up again - obviously agitated. Again, I copied her, pulling her close and stroking her side comfortingly.

"Do you think he heard me?" she asked me.

"I hope so."

* * *

**I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up - I have a whole array of excuses but I wouldn't bore you with the details. Also I'll be honest and admit I have no idea when I'll manage to get the next one wrote and up. But, don't worry, there will be a next one, I promise.**

**On a slightly related topic, anyone else been having problems with fanfiction site recently?**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	96. Graduation

2006

_Esme_

This was hardly the first time I had watched my children graduate high school, so I was not as excited as the other moms in the room. The only thing that had made graduation relevant for my family was Bella's transformation ,and that had been postponed due to the threat of a newborn army.

I watched my two children as they took their diplomas. They both wore serious looks on their faces and I wondered if Alice had seen another development regarding the situation in Seattle.

Soon, Bella was on the stage. Her face was just as serious as my children's had been, though she smiled when a large cheer went up from the back of the room. We had known there was a werewolf in attendance due to the atrocious smell, but Forks was neutral territory so we all pointedly ignored each other. They had as much right to be here as we did. I have to admit I'd been intrigued by my first sighting of Jacob Black as a human - here was the boy who had caused my son so much stress. The boy who had befriended Bella in our ill-advised absence and fallen in love with her. The boy that Edward, though he would never admit it, feared. For he worried that one day Bella would realize that Jacob had been the one who never left her.

Aside from his enormous size, he looked like a normal boy as he cheered for his friend from amongst the crowd and then pushed his wheelchair-bound father out the door. I remembered a wolf's head nodding in the forest, promising me that he would indeed attempt to kill my family, and I had to try and suppress a shiver. I could not equate the boy I had just seen with the angry werewolf I remembered. He did not seem like a boy who intended to attempt to kill us all soon. This time I couldn't suppress the shudder that rippled through me at the thought of the possible violence the wolf pack could bring to my family, perhaps even killing one of us. _And that's if we all survive this confrontation with the newborns in Seattle. _Subconsciously, I grabbed hold of my husband's hand beside me, reminding myself that he was still here. Carlisle looked at me confused for a moment, before giving my hand a comforting squeeze. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn't ask while we were sat watching Forks High graduation ceremony.

_He can probably guess anyway._

The ceremony was over. Parents began fawning over their recently graduated children, while other children shared tearful goodbyes. I saw a short girl with curly hair tearfully hug Bella and just caught Edward rolling his eyes in disgust at her. We began to walk over to speak to him and Bella, but Alice intercepted us.

"We need to talk," she whispered urgently. I remembered her tense face as she collected her diploma. Quickly, we followed her to a spot far away from the humans that were milling around.

"What has happened, Alice?" Carlisle asked urgently.

"It's all related. The person who stole Bella's top and the person in Seattle. Bella figured it out. No two people would know exactly how to get round my visions so perfectly. And by the looks of it, Bella's the target."

"So what do we do?" I asked fearfully. I already knew the answer wouldn't have changed. That we needed to go to Seattle now more than ever.

"We still go to Seattle," Alice answered gravely. "We're still severely outnumbered though." Alice's voice shook a little at the end. She hated the idea of our family being at risk as much as I did. But we both knew it was necessary. She forced herself to smile at us, trying to hide the anxiety. She knew that if we knew that she was anxious, then things were looking bad indeed, and, bless her, she didn't want to worry us.

"We all looked up at the sound of footsteps and Edward's familiar scent.

"We have to stop them," he growled.

"We will," I told him, trying to sound a lot more confident than I felt. He shot me a look that let me know I wasn't fooling him for a second, of course.

"Come on," Alice said with a sigh. "We have a party to set up." She was trying her hardest to sound like her usually chipper self but it fell flat.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

In typical Alice fashion she had overdone everything, but tastefully. As we heard the rumble of a van coming up our driveway we placed ourselves in our positions. Carlisle and I stood off to one side – playing the part of the diligent parents who wouldn't allow the party to get to out of control. The girl who had hugged Bella after the ceremony was in first, followed by others from the graduating class. They all stared around, wide eyed. Bella walked forward to greet her guests and we soon learned we had to do little but pretend to watch.

Timidly, more guests trickled in. I watched as Bella greeted more people, as the humans were, perhaps wisely, avoiding the rest of my family. However, while I don't know anything about modern-day teen parties, it seemed that this party was shaping up into success. Alice's satisfied smile told me that much.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Carlisle and I were hiding out upstairs, for it wasn't like we really had to worry about our children allowing the party to get to out of hand, discussing the latest developments regarding the newborn army. We were discussing Jasper's plan to have a strategic meeting tonight, once Bella was in bed, when Edward rushed in. The worry was clear on his face.

"They're coming here," he growled. I felt myself panic instinctively. Somehow the idea of rogue vampires coming here, to our home, was so much more terrifying than the thought of our family travelling there. Perhaps it was because having bloodshed and fighting in the sleepy town of Forks would make things seem all the more serious. Or perhaps it was simply that Forks was home. Our home. Bella's home.

_Of course, the newborns would come here if they are after Bella. _I tried not to think about that too much. Sweet, innocent Bella, who had already brushed so close to death on so many occasions.

"The newborns?" Carlisle and I both asked, though we didn't really need confirmation.

"Alice saw it," he confirmed grimly. Just then the familiar nauseating scent of werewolves washed over us.

"Who invited the werewolf?" We heard Alice ask, annoyed.

"Guilty," Bella admitted. I saw Edward's scowl deepen at her words.

"Well, you go take care of it then. I have to talk to Carlisle," Alice replied. Not soon after she joined us in our room, Jasper following behind her.

"Edward's told you?" she asked grimly. We both nodded solemnly, looking over at Edward.

Edward didn't seem to be paying that much attention. If I had to guess I would assume he was concentrating on the werewolf's thoughts. We could hear his voice downstairs. When we overheard Bella accepting a gift of him, Edward's scowl deepened even more. Despite everything Bella had done to disprove the idea that she had feeling for Jacob Black, chiefly punching him in the face, Edward still worried about it.

"We have the home territory advantage now," Jasper pointed out in strategist mode. "Though, of course, we're still as outnumbered as ever," he added anxiously. He glanced subconsciously at Alice. A second later her face went blank for a second.

"I need to explain to Bella," she said. Edward hissed. "You know Bella, Edward. She's going to demand an explanation." Alice forced herself to smile at the attempted joke. Edward didn't react, so she left. Jasper followed her, he was no doubt uncomfortable at the idea of her going downstairs into a pack of werewolves.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked cautiously. "Are you OK?"

Edward laughed humorlessly. "Why wouldn't I be?" Both Carlisle and I shared a parental look.

"Edward-" I began.

"Please, just don't," he told us. His head suddenly turned in the direction of where the voices below us were coming from.

"No," one of them said. "It won't be even."

"Excellent!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. Even Edward was smiling, though it was a slightly bitter smile.

Intrigued, I headed out into the hallway, Carlisle following behind me. I soon picked up on what was happening – the wolves were offering to fight with us.

I looked down at the three men - no, boys – below me. They may have looked in the twenties but we all knew they were really only sixteen/ seventeen. Just children. They were supposed to be my mortal enemy, but I couldn't see them like that, at least not when they were in their human form. All I could see was children risking their lives. They shouldn't have to do that. _All because of us._ Edward had told us that Bella had said the wolves returned because we did, and there was no doubt the newborns were coming because of us. The boys shared the same nonchalant breezy attitude that Emmett had. Were they cheerily agreeing to their deaths?

I looked at the various members of my family scattered around the room. An alliance with the wolves could save us. We would no longer be severely outnumbered. I had fretted constantly ever since we had figured out it was a newborn army. What if one of my family members got hurt? What if someone died? I couldn't lose one of my children or Carlisle, particularly Carlisle. It was an unthinkable idea. I simply couldn't. By risking their lives, the wolf-boys were increasing the chances that I would not have to face my worst fears. They may have hated us, but I could not hate them. They were doing this to protect Bella, but in doing so they were also helping to protect my family. It wasn't their intention, I knew, but I was unspeakably grateful all the same.

As I looked down at the party going on downstairs, I wondered if the various supernatural beings in my house would all make it through to the next week. Yet again, my gaze lingered on each member of my family for a few moments. I looked at Carlisle last, unable to even comprehend the idea.

I looked downstairs again just in time to see the back of Jacob Black leave my house. Despite everything that had happened between him, Bella, and Edward, I felt an odd rush of gratitude for him. For he had just agreed to help save my family, even if that hadn't been his true intention.

* * *

**Apologies for the long wait plus the short chapter.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	97. Newborn Fight

**As well as from Eclipse, this chapter also continues events based upon and dialogue from 'The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner' by Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

2006

_Carlisle_

All of us were tense as we lined up in the clearing. Five minutes till the newborns arrived, according to Alice. I felt the gentle pressure of my wife's hand on my arm. I briefly looked at her, wondering if this would be last time I did so.

_No, Carlisle, don't think like that. _

We had been together all night. Neither us would speak out loud and admit we feared this would be the last time we could do so, but it was still undeniably there. Obvious from the desperate way we had made love.

As much as I tried, I couldn't fully control my fears over my wife, she had never been, nor would she ever be, a fighter. She had been as dedicated as any of us during out tutorial with Jasper. And I knew I could not ask her to sit out. No, she was determined to fight. For our family, for Bella. She had murmured as much to me while we had sat together before one of the tutorials, having one of those moments where we held hands, and concentrated only on each other

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but it would have felt too much like a goodbye. Beside, I was certain she knew it. Just as I knew she loved me. Over eighty years together proved that. But I had perhaps known I would one day love her from that day I had first met a spirited, kind-hearted teenager with a broken leg, even if I hadn't realized it at the time.

The first sounds of vampire footsteps could be heard in the distance. My family spread out in preparation. We heard the group split, the intention being to surround us. However, the waiting wolves would ambush the cutaway group. I could never express how thankful I was for their help. It was an uncomfortable alliance, not helped by the tension between Edward and Jacob, but it was an alliance none the less. Though it was obvious from their behaviour at the fighting practises that they were still less than trusting towards, I knew they were as committed to winning this fight as us. Not for my family, but for the helpless humans, Bella included, that would be slaughtered if we lost.

All too soon, the first of the newborns was in the clearing.

They ran at us wildly. Emmett, of course, was the first to engage them in fighting. But I was unable to focus on the rest of my family for long, as one of them ran at me. I neatly dodged out of the way. Quick, stealthy moves, and don't allow them to get their arms around you, that's what Jasper had said. The newborn went for the predictable easy kill and was able to dodge out of his way, and then, while he was disorientated from his failed attempt, rip his own head off. I quickly went to work ripping apart the rest of the body, unable to stop the distaste I felt at performing such a violent act, despite knowing it was necessary for the survival of our family.

I could tell from the scent that someone had already started a fire. I tried not to focus on that scent, which brought with it some many bad memories. But somewhere, in the back of mind, I heard my father's voice say the words I had repeated to myself so many times.

_I deserve to die in a fire._

I was pulled from my memories by the feel of strong arms around my neck and I realized my father was about to get his wish. Instinctively, I began to struggle but I knew it was no use. This was exactly what Jasper had warned against.

"Carlisle!" I heard Esme scream. A different memory came to mind – the first time she had kissed me and told me she loved me, while a fire crackled in the background. The newborn tightened its grip and I knew I was seconds away from my second death. A true one this time. Though I increased my struggles, I knew it was hopeless. The newborn was too strong. Instead, I thought of Esme, determined to have her be the last thing I thought off. Memories flowed freely through my mind: that first kiss, our wedding, that smile of hers, and her happy laugh.

Suddenly, the pressure loosened around my neck. I saw Emmett and Jasper taking down one of the newborns, presumably the one that had attacked me.

I started looking around for Esme. Briefly, I noticed one of the newborns that seemed to be doing the same, looking around for someone she loved, but I had little time to focus on her. However, before I could locate my wife in the foray, another one of them was attacking me. This one seemed more strategic than the one I had destroyed earlier. He didn't lunge for the easy kill instantly as his companion did. Instead, we danced around each other, lunging and dodging each other.

"Jasper!" I heard Alice shout, in a voice that chilled my heart, but I could not turn around to discover the source of her distress, for I couldn't allow myself to take my eyes of the newborn I was engaged with. Eventually, he grew annoyed, or bored, and charged me. I easily dodged him, and was able to secure in him a headlock and proceed to rip him apart. I took a few seconds to access the status of my family. Esme and Rosalie were currently dealing with one of the newborns; they were ripping her apart, so clearly they were safe. Emmett was throwing pieces of vampire onto the fire. Alice was leant over Jasper, who seemed to be in some sort of pain. They were no other newborns to be seen.

As I threw the pieces of the vampire I had just fought into the fire, I concentrated on the fact that we were all safe. It seemed to be over and everyone was still here. I had never felt such relief in my life.

"Carlisle?" Esme's voice was frantic and desperate. The next thing I knew she had her arms around me, holding on for dear life. I held her back, so relieved to still be able to.

"I thought," she murmured. "I saw you in a headlock, and then, I was under attack and I couldn't see you anymore, and I thought, oh, Carlisle," she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm fine," I told her softly, kissing her gently.

In the background, Jasper hissed furiously. We turned our attention to him.

"What happened?" I asked as I went over to him.

"He was being an overprotective fool," Alice scoffed. Jasper was rubbing at a scar on his arm, clearly a new one.

"Would you like me to look at it?" I asked, automatically going into doctor mode.

"It's fine. The venom stings, but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm use to it anyway," he said darkly.

"At least it's over," Esme said, the relief clear in her voice.

"Not quite," Alice announced. "There's one of them left. She's in the forest." I looked around at my family. Emmett and Rosalie were busy burning the last pieces of the newborns. Alice clearly desired to stay with Jasper.

"I'll go," I announced. Alice looked slightly confused; I wondered what she was seeing, but nodded. Esme followed me, unsurprisingly. I had no desire to part from her either after the fright we'd just had.

It wasn't difficult to find the newborn. I recognized her as the same newborn I had spotted earlier. With a sigh, I attacked her, just wanting to get it over and done with. Esme stayed behind, though I knew she would get involved if I needed her too.

Perhaps, I had tried to rush too much, as she went flying into a tree. She quickly recovered herself though.

"Please," she begged. "I don't want to fight." There was desperation in her voice that made me stop and think. I remembered her in the clearing, not fighting, but searching. Had we unknowingly killed someone she loved? Her mate? But then why was she not attacking us?

"Neither do I, child," I told her, truthfully. "We are only defending ourselves."

"We didn't know," she replied, sounding ashamed. "Riley lied. I'm sorry." She truly did sound apologetic. My resolve to kill her kept weakening.

"Carlisle?" Esme said as she came to join me by my side.

"She doesn't want to fight," I explained. She touched my arm and I realized I was still tensed to spring.

"She's so frightened, Carlisle, couldn't we…" I glanced at her and straightened up. I knew what Esme was suggesting, and I wanted it, too. But I couldn't see how it was viable, especially with the Volturi on the way. Also, the newborn was still a part of the army sent to kill us all.

"We have no wish to harm you. We didn't want to fight any of you," Esme told her softly.

"I'm sorry," the newborn murmured again and I felt my heart go out for her. She had not wanted to be here. She had been tricked and lied to. She was innocent.

"Child, will you surrender to us?" I asked. There was no other choice; I didn't want to have to destroy her. The memory of fire crackling played through my mind. _I do not murder the innocent._ "If you do not try to harm us, we will not harm you."

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, I surrender. I don't want to hurt anyone."

I held my hand out encouragingly. "Come, child. Let our family regroup for a moment, and then we'll have some questions for you. If you answer honestly, you have nothing to fear." Slowly, she started to move.

"Carlisle?" I recognized Jasper's voice. He wasn't going to like this. As soon as he saw her, he coiled to spring.

"Jasper!" I warned. He turned to look at me, surprised. No doubt, he had come here thinking we needed help, though surely Alice would have seen we didn't need it. Then again, I had only just made the decision to allow her to surrender.

"What's going on?" he demanded.

"She doesn't want to fight. She's surrendered."

Jasper's brow furrowed and the wave of frustration I felt betrayed his feelings.

"Carlisle, I…" He hesitated, but then continued. "I'm sorry, but that's not possible. We can't have any of these newborns associated with us when the Volturi come."

"Jasper, she's only a child," Esme protested. "We can't just murder her in cold blood."

"It's our family on the line here, Esme. We can't afford to have them think we broke the rules." Esme, however, was clearly not going to accept this. She placed herself between Jasper and the newborn. I glanced anxiously at the newborn, acutely aware that Esme's back was now to her, leaving her exposed. The newborn seemed to be trying to show me she meant no harm.

"Jasper, I think we have to take this chance," I told him slowly. For despite the fact that Jasper was right in regard to the Volturi, I simply couldn't imagine killing this innocent girl. "We are not the Volturi. We follow their rules, but we do not take lives lightly. We will explain."

"They might think we created the newborns for defence," Jasper argued.

"But we didn't. And even had we, there was no indiscretion here, only in Seattle. There is no law against controlling vampires if you can control them."

"This is too dangerous."

I touched Jasper's shoulder tentatively. "Jasper. We cannot kill this child."

Jasper glowered at me, clearly he still didn't understand (and I couldn't hold that against him, given his past), but then he sighed. "I don't like this. At least let me take charge of her. You two don't now how to deal with someone who's been running wild for so long."

"Of course, Jasper," Esme agreed. "But be kind," she added forcefully.

Jasper simply rolled his eyes. "We need to be with the others. Alice said we don't have long." I nodded and took Esme's hand. Together, we ran back to the clearing.

"Only you two," Emmett shouted as soon as we arrived. Obviously, Alice had told them about Bree. He was stood talking with Alice and Rosalie; all the vampire pieces had been burnt. I was trying my hardest to ignore the scent. It was a lot easier with Esme beside me, now it reminded me only of that first kiss.

"We think something happened up with Edward, Bella, and Seth," Alice announced gravely. Her eyes drifted to a fire on the mountaintop. Beside me, Esme whimpered, reflecting my own feelings.

_Are they OK? Has something happened to them?_ I frantically wondered what could have happened.

"I can't see because of Seth," Alice explained, answering out unasked questions.

Just then, Jasper led the newborn in, with her eyes clamped shut as she followed his voice.

"If something had happened the wolves would surely know from Seth," Alice continued, trying to be reassuring.

Just then there was a large scream, followed by several howls. Curiously, I followed them. Some of the howls became voices. I heard voices talking. Someone was saying to get Sam; apparently Jacob had been hurt trying to protect the she-wolf named Leah.

I arrived just as the Jacob-wolf give out a long, agonized yelp. Even from a distance, I could see his right side was badly smashed. All the wolves looked at me incredulously.

"Please let me take a look. Please let me help." The largest black wolf that I knew to be the alpha-wolf, Sam, continued to stare me down. Jacob yowled in pain again, and, reluctantly, the Sam-wolf nodded. "Thank you," I said fervently, knowing how tough a decision that would have been from him to make.

Instantly, I began to examine the injured wolf's broken bones. To my amazement, they were healing already. But, unless they were treated, they would heal wrong. However, there was little I could do while Jacob was still in wolf form.

"What happened?" I asked. While I had been examining Jacob, Sam has transformed back into a man, to his obvious discomfort.

"Straggler attacked him," Sam explained.

"Jacob, can you transform?" I asked the howling wolf. His only response was to howl furiously at me.

"There's little I can do while he is in wolf form and I have no medical supplies," I explained to Sam. Just then, Alice appeared.

"The Volturi will be here soon," she told me.

"You have to leave from here right now," I told the wolves urgently. "If we could help we would, but we cannot leave. You're best taking him back to the reservation," I paused. "Will you allow me to treat him there once the Volturi have left?" I asked Sam. We both knew what I was really asking. Would he allow me onto the reservation, a place I was strictly forbidden from by the terms of our treaty? Or despite our recent alliance, did he still have no trust in my family.

Sam was thoughtful for a moment. "Yes," he replied slowly. I could tell by the looks on some of the other wolves' faces, even though they were still in canine form, that they weren't all certain about that decision.

"We need to go," Alice reminded me. "Edward and Bella have returned." The Jacob-wolf gave a little whimper at that.

"I'll come to the reservation as soon as I can," I told Sam.

"Go by road and I'll have someone met you at the border," he replied. Clearly, he was still not completely trusting of us. But it was enough.

I followed Alice back to the clearing. Aside from Jasper, who was still watching Bree, the rest of my family was gathered around Bella, who was lying on the floor.

"She fainted," Edward explained. "When I told her about Jacob," he added darkly. "Watching me behead someone is fine apparently, but…"

"Wait, what?" Emmett interjected. Edward sighed.

"Victoria took a detour. She's dead," Edward announced flatly. Emmett whooped loudly and offered Edward his hand to high five. Edward ignored him, instead concentrating on the unconscious Bella.

_Let me take a look at her, son._

Carefully, I inspected Bella. She wasn't injured, it was clear she had fainted purely from shock.

"Carlisle - it's been five minutes," Edward said anxiously. Calmly, I reassured him she would be fine. "Alice, how long do we have?" he continued, clearly my soothing words were having no effect.

"Another five minutes. And Bella will open her eyes in thirty-seven seconds. I wouldn't doubt that she can hear us right now."

"Bella, honey?" Esme asked softly. "Can you hear me? You're safe now, dear." But it wasn't until Edward whispered promises that Jacob was safe in her ear that her eyelids fluttered open. Between the two of us, we reassured her that Jacob was safe.

"Three minutes," Alice informed us quietly.

Edward helped Bella to her feet and my family filled her in on all that had happened.

Alice's light-hearted chastising of her 'over protective' fool was interrupted when the newborn give a screech. Her hands were clawing at the dirt in the ground and her hand was thrashing about in agony. It was clear she was struggling with having Bella's presence nearby. Not that any of us could blame her for that, she was a newborn, after all, and Bella's blood did seem very tempting to our kind. But still, we couldn't accept a risk to Bella.

I moved to Jasper's side.

"Have you changed your mind, young one?" I asked, trying to sound as kind as possible. "We don't want to destroy you, but we will if necessary."

"How can you stand it?" she begged. "I _want_ her!" Her hands were still clawing at the dirt, and I could do nothing more than pity her.

"You must stand it," I told her solemnly. "You must exercise control. It is possible, and it is the only thing that will save you now." She clutched her head in her dirt-encrusted hands, and I took that to mean she was trying. Jasper and I continued to watch her carefully though, until we heard footsteps in the distance.

The Volturi were here. We began to back towards the rest of our family, converging around Bella, as we all stared in the direction we knew they would come from. Soon enough, we saw their cloaked outlines through the smoke.

"Hmm," a bored voice, which I instantly recognized Jane's, said. From what Edward and Alice had told me she was no less sadistic then when I had been in Volterra.

"Welcome, Jane," Edward said. His voice was cold.

_Careful, son. We don't want to aggravate them_. Though I understood my son's attitude perfectly, it would be of no use to us when explaining ourselves to the Volturi.

The members of the Volturi guard moved closer. Jane was in the front; she looked around at us all before her gaze landed on the newborn.

"I don't understand," she stated. She still sounded bored, but clearly not as bored as before. Edward and I proceeded to explain the decision I had made regarding Jane, but she, unsurprisingly, was apathetic.

"Aro hoped that we would get far enough west to see you. He sends his regards."

I nodded. "I would appreciate it if you convey mine to him." I would keep up with her display of courtesy for as long as she saw fit to keep it up.

"Of course," she replied with a fake smile. "It appears you have done our work for us today… for the most part." Her eyes flickered to the remaining newborn. "Just out of professional curiosity, how many were they? They left quite a wake of destruction behind them in Seattle."

"Eighteen," I replied.

"Eighteen?" she repeated, obviously surprised. No doubt wondering how we managed to deal with so many without suffering any causalities on our side.

"All brand-new," I said dismissively. "And unskilled."

"All? Then who was their creator?" Edward explained to her about Victoria. After he was finished, she turned her attention to the newborn.

"You there," she said harshly. "Your name?" The newborn glared at her and I knew what would happen before it did. The newborn began to scream as Jane tortured her. My family watched on with disgust, for there was little else we could do. Our situation was already too precarious as it was.

"Your name?" Jane repeated.

"Bree," the newborn choked out and then she screamed again.

"She'll tell you anything," Edward interjected. "You don't have to do that."

"Oh, I know," Jane told him with a sadistic smile. "Bree," she said to the girl coldly. "Is his story true? Were they twenty of you?"

Scared, Bree told Jane everything she seemed to know. About how she had been tricked by the vampire named Riley, who she had mentioned earlier, and then how I had allowed her to surrender.

"Ah, but that wasn't his gift to offer, young one. Broken rules demand a consequence." Jane murmured, confirming what, if I was being honest, I had known since Jane had first seen Bree. She was going to have Bree murdered, and there was nothing I could do to help her, as much as it pained me to see an innocent young girl killed. Some part of my brain registered the fact that yet again, I was going to watch an innocent person die in a fire because I couldn't stop it. Unconsciously, I reached out for Esme's hand, trying to banish my dark thoughts by reminding myself of her presence.

Jane looked over at me. "Are you sure you got all of them? The other half that split off."

"We split up, too," I replied carefully.

Jane half-smiled. "I can't deny I'm impressed." The other members of the guard murmured in agreement. I wasn't certain how to feel about supposedly impressing them. "I've never seen a coven escape this magnitude of offensive behaviour. Do you know what was behind it? It seems extreme behaviour, considering the way you live here. And why was the girl the key?" Edward explained about Victoria's grudge against Bella, to Jane's amusement, and then Jane tried her talent on Bella again, to Edward's understandable annoyance.

"Well, it appears that there's not much left for us to do. Odd." Jane sounded bored again. "We're not used to being rendered unnecessary. It's too bad we missed the fight. It's sound like it would have been interesting to watch."

"Yes," Edward answered sharply. "And you were so close. It's a shame you didn't arrive just a half hour earlier. Perhaps then you could have fulfilled your purpose here." We had debated why the Volturi hadn't got involved before now; Edward's theory had been the Volturi had wanted to allow the destruction of our family. Judging by his attitude, I had to assume he had heard something in their thoughts to back up his claim. I didn't know how to feel about that. After all, Aro had been my friend, and yet even then I had seen the power lust and the greed.

"Yes. Quite a pity how things turned out, isn't it?" Jane was certainly not going to give up the pretence anytime soon. Edward nodded to himself, his suspicions clearly confirmed.

"Felix?" Jane drawled in a bored voice, looking at Bree. The same guilt I remembered feeling in my human life washed over me, as I squeezed Esme's hand tightly, she squeezed back comfortingly, no doubt she had guessed what was upsetting me. She knew me so well.

"Wait," Edward interjected, his eyes on me. He had obviously seen what I was currently thinking. "We could explain the rules to the young one. She doesn't seem unwilling to learn. She didn't know what she was doing."

"Of course," I quickly added. "We would certainly be prepared to take responsibility for Bree." I could tell by the expression on Jane's face it was no use.

"We don't make exceptions. And we don't give second chances. It's bad for our reputation. Which reminds me…" She smiled over at Bella and we all knew what was coming next. "Caius will be _so _interested to learn you're still human, Bella. Perhaps he'll decide to visit."

"The date has been set," Alice told her. "Perhaps we'll come visit you in a few months time."

Jane's smile fell and she shrugged in fake indifference. "Take care of that Felix," she ordered, apathetic once more. "I want to go."

"Don't watch," Edward whispered to Bella, but I followed his advice as well. I didn't need to watch another person burn to death. But I couldn't block out the horrific sounds. Beside me, I heard Esme sob and wrapped my arm round her to pull her close.

"Come," I heard Jane say and then the Volturi guard left.

"Ding dong, the witch is gone," Emmett broke the silence once they were out of hearing range.

"Poor Bree," Esme whispered. "Let's go home."

"I need to go to La Push," I told her.

"Jacob!" Bella shouted. "I have to go see him."

"Bella, Charlie's there. You're supposed to be sleeping over with Alice," I reminded her. "And I'm not suppose to be here," I remembered. "But we will just have to find a way around that."

"I have to go see him!" she insisted.

"What if I go?" Edward suggested. "We can say I came home with Carlisle. We were nearly home when Carlisle got the emergency call. It's plausible."

"Thank you," Bella murmured to him.

"We should all go home first," I said. "We'll need to get the car to make it look plausible."

In silence, my family ran home. Though we had lots to celebrate, Bree's death had taken us by surprise, and Bella's worry for Jacob was no doubt taking its toll on Edward.

Edward and I headed straight to the garage when we got home. I kissed Esme goodbye, and Edward did the same with Bella before we got into my car.

Edward was silent and I knew better than to ask.

"Bella accepted my proposal last night," Edward told me suddenly.

"What?" I said, taken by surprise. "Congratulations!" Then I realized he had hardly said it happily.

"We made a compromise," Edward explained tensely.

_Compromise?_ Whatever he had agreed to, he didn't sound happy about it.

"Yes… we're going to… I'll explain later." Suddenly, he smiled. "She agreed to marry me at last."

_Told you_, I joked. _But really, congratulations, son._

"I just wonder if this is what she really wants."

_Of course it is._

"She kissed Jacob."

_Jacob kissed her again? Did she hit him again? Well, at least she didn't break her hand again._

"No, _she_ kissed _Jacob. _I mean he tricked her, but still… She loves him. I can't deny that anymore. And if she chooses him, I won't stop her. I just want her to be happy."

I sighed, uncertain what to say to him next. _That is a good stance to take, to always want her to happy. But whatever she feels for Jacob, she had chosen you, time and time again._

"But it hurts her too hurt him. And therefore it hurts me too."

_Sometimes there is nothing we can do but simply be there for the person we love when they need us._

"Perhaps," he murmured. He lapsed into silence and didn't talk until we arrived at the borderline. Two of the wolves were waiting for us in human form.

_Bella loves you, son._ I reminded him as we got out of the car. _That's an undeniable fact and you should never forget it._

"I know."

* * *

**My apologies for the delay. This week I learnt laptop + pepsi = dodgy keyboard. It's working better now (obviously or you wouldn't have a chapter.) And tbh I'm just thankful my laptop still works at all.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :) And if your wondering why I kind of skipped the fighting lessons with Jasper, I felt there was little I could add to those scenes, and I am trying to do as little copying out the book as possible.**


	98. Vamp Doc

**A surprise POV that I've never done before, so I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

2006 

_Jacob_

Pain. Mind-numbing pain. That's all I could feel. Jared and Paul had phased back into human form and were carrying me back to La Push on a make shift stretcher. Every jostle made me give another howl of pain. I was still in wolf form, unable to transform. Quil and Embry had stayed with me in wolf form, trying to comfort me.

_It'll be OK, Jake. We'll get you home soon_, Quil told me.

_Then what, we let the vamp patch him up?_ Embry asked sarcastically. There were five of us currently in wolf form and four of us mentally shivered at the thought.

_I don't want no vampire – doctor or not – anywhere near me, thanks._ I'd been less than impressed when they had allowed the doctor near me earlier, pleading to be allowed to help.

_Stupid interfering bloodsucker!_

_Hey, vampires aren't all bad. Well, the Cullens aren't anyway, _Seth argued.

_Just because you're all pally-pally with Edward now, _Embry teased him.

Seth mentally shrugged. _Guy's alright._

_Guy's a vampire whose going to kill a human just so he can have her,_ Embry reminded him.

_Can you lot shut up?_ I snapped. I did not appreciate the reminder of Bella's future. First, she was going to _marry_ the leech, and then, she was going to become one of them. _Ugh!_ I had hoped my trick could make her finally see sense. Hoped the leech would lose it and drive her to me. I know from what I'd seen through Seth's eyes I was wrong. _At least I got a kiss._

_Yeah, congrats on that. Pretty sneaky,_ Embry told me. Quil and Collin (the kid watching La Push) laughed mentally.

_Didn't work_, I thought despairingly, as much to myself as them. The stretcher jostled and I howled in pain again. I knew my side was pretty bad – it mUst have been for me to have not healed already.

We continued in this fashion until we got to the outskirts of La Push.

_Quil. Embry. I want you to meet Carlisle at the border. _Sam's voice joined the ramble in my head. He had been trying to talk to Leah and had received nothing but a creative selection of curse words in response.

_Seriously, we're going to let Dr. Fang near me? _Though some of the other laughed, Sam mentally sighed.

_What other choice do we have, Jacob?_ I didn't have an answer to that.

_Edward's here too! _Quil and Embry both shouted this news at us.

Embry switched to human form to greet the vampires, while Quil stayed in wolf form, both to keep us connected and to be ready to pounce should the vampires set a foot wrong.

"What are you doing here?" Embry challenged the bloodsucker.

"Please," the doctor pleaded. "Edward comes in a peace." That earned a snort of disbelief from the rest of the pack.

_Oh, come on, guys, _Seth sighed at us.

"Bella's worried for Jacob," the leech explained.

_In the spirit of our alliance, we'll let you, but only this one time,_ Sam thought, knowing Edward would hear it through the pack mind.

_Are you fucking serious?_ I spat at him.

"Thank you," the leech said.

"Thank you," Dr. Fang added.

_Come on, Jake, you need to shift,_ Sam reminded me, ignoring my previous comment. I tried my hardest, but I couldn't. It wasn't because it hurt too much, even though it really did fucking hurt, but all I could think about was Bella and the leech, which just made me angry, not the calm I needed for shifting.

All too soon in my opinion, the bloodsucker arrived at where we were converged in the forest near my house.

"Can I look again?" Dr. Fang asked. He was carrying a medical bag this time. Embry had phased back so we were all in wolf form, but the leech translated for us.

"It's okay."

I couldn't help but let out a string of pained yelps as the doctor begin to examine me again, and I didn't give a fuck if he was trying to be gentle, it still bloody hurt!

"Jacob, if you don't phase soon you may have to stay as a wolf for the entire healing process if you want the bones to set right, which, despite your fast healing will probably take a while. And though I'll try my best, I've never been to veterinary school.

From somewhere, I got a burst of determination. It was bad enough having him play vamp _doctor_, I wasn't having anyone plat vamp _vet _with me.

"Ow! Jesus Christ, that fucking hurts!" I shouted, clutching my broken side as a lay on the floor.

"Come on, we'll carry you home," Sam said, as Quil chucked me a pair of pants. I determindely pulled them on myself, I was not going to suffer through the embarrassment of someone dressing me.

"Ow, fucking Hell, Sam," I screamed as he carried me to my front door. We were met there by dad and Charlie Swan.

"What happened?" Charlie asked. My dad, no doubt, could hazard a guess and, in any case, knew we couldn't give a truthful answer until Charlie was gone.

"Ow, for Gods sake! My fucking bastard side!" I shouted. Charlie looked at me in surprise, as he moved aside quickly to let Sam in.

"Motorcycle accident," Sam lied smoothly. "Dr. Cullen's agreed to look him over."

"Oh! I warned you those bikes were dangerous," Charlie lectured, following behind as Sam took me to my room and placed me on my bed.

"I bet you're glad she loves Cullen more than me today, Charlie," I murmured angrily. He didn't respond.

"I'm going to give you some morphine for the pain, Jacob. OK?" Dr. Fang asked. I nodded dully. I wasn't paying any attention to his actions as he messed around with something from inside his bag, and then I felt the prick of a needle.

I felt the drugs having their effect as the doctor began to bandage me. Though I couldn't see him, I could still sense the other leech was also in the room, and realized he hadn't said anything to me yet.

"I'm sorry," he told me then.

"There's nothing else we can do, son," the doctor told him gently. Though whether he was on about my side or our fucked-up love triangle I didn't know.

I heard them leave.

The last thing I thought about before the drugs sent me to sleep was Bella.

~o~ ~O~ ~o

I could hear voices. My drug-idled brain couldn't make out whose or what they were saying. I tried to move but there was an explosion of pain on my right side. How many days had I laid here, drifting in and out of my drug-filled haze? I know the doctor had been a few times, and Bella, of course, I couldn't forget that visit. No matter how much I'd have like too.

"Hello, Jacob," a calm, musical voice said. The sweet, burning scent that could only be vampire filled my senses and I automatically screwed my nose up. I heard the sound of a bag being opened and the ominous snap of latex gloves being put on. I wanted to force my eyes open but couldn't be bothered.

"How do you feel today?" the vampire doctor asked.

"Never better," I mumbled sarcastically. _Except the girl I love is marrying your leech of a son. Half my side's broken due to Leah's stupidity, and I'm stuck being treated by a vampire._

The doctor prodded and poked at my painful side, doing whatever doctors do. Trying not to focus on the pain I choose instead to listen to the voices that I could hear talking in the living room. I recognized my dad's voice and a different female voice.

"Are these your daughters?" the female asked.

"Yep," Billy said surly, as if he wished he wasn't having this conversation.

"Do they live here?" I was certain I should recognize that voice but I couldn't be bothered placing it.

"No," was Billy's curt reply. I knew something had to be off; my dad wasn't usually this rude.

"Rebecca's in college and Rachel is married and lives in Hawaii," the voice of Charlie Swan explained.

"Oh," the female said.

Another prod from the doctor caused me to howl in pain.

"Sorry," he said. The annoying thing was I could tell he was being sincere. _Damn vamp. Why does he have to make it so hard to hate him? _I wanted so badly to hate him. Everything was his fault – him and his stupid family. Why did they ever have to come here? If they hadn't, I would have been a normal human and I had no doubt that Bella would have ended up with me. But they had come, and Bella would be one of them soon. She had come by yesterday to say her final goodbye. The pain I felt at her words was much worse than a shattered side.

Not wanting to reminisce about that conversation much more than necessary I forced myself to listen back into the voices.

"Don't you think you're being a bit rude, Billy?" Charlie asked my father, trying to keep his voice neutral. Billy grunted in response. "She is here because her husband's treating your son, after all."

_Oh, that's who the voice is. Doc's wife. Eliza. Emma. Whatever her name was. _The only thing I knew about her was that she wasn't a very good fighter – for when it came to the alliance that was all I had cared about.

"Where are you and Carlisle going?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, just into Port Angeles for some shopping. We're off to buy some..." she trailed off. "Um...stuff," she finished lamely. Charlie made an affirmative sound in response and then a silence fell. Even I could tell it was an uncomfortable one and I wasn't even in the room with them. Dad wouldn't speak to the vampire and Charlie was a man of little words.

"Nearly done now, Jacob," the doctor murmured. Despite my insane temperature, my side was now numb with cold from his hands. It made me want to shudder in disgust when I thought why – because I was currently being inspected by nothing more than a moving corpse.

"Your bones are healing nicely and should be fully fixed within a few days, but you'll need to pretend to have a broken arm for another five weeks since Charlie knows about your 'motorcycle accident'. I'll bring you some props from the hospital next time I visit, which should be in two days."

"Oh joy," I muttered sarcastically. The doctor chuckled to himself.

"I suppose you're as bound by the secret as us," he muttered. I didn't appreciate being compared to vampires, no matter what the situation.

"You know this is a lovely room," I heard the doctor's wife say. It would appear she was still continuing with her inevitably doomed attempt to engage my dad in conversation.

"I should go before Esme gets into her head to offer to re-decorate your entire house," the doctor said with a chuckle.

_Esme, that's the doc's wife's name. _Not that I cared. Why would I care what a vampire was called?

With a quiet tut, Esme murmured "not funny" at her husband. It was too quiet for Charlie or Billy to hear, but I was able to with my superior hearing and I had no doubt Carlisle had as well. He chuckled at his wife's comment.

"Would you like so more morphine, Jacob? I think I've worked out the correct dosage now," Carlisle asked. _When did I start calling leeches by their first name?_ It was almost like I was actually seeing them as human-like.

"Yeah, whatever, leech," I mumbled rudely, trying to hide my growing annoyance with myself. _The bloodsuckers are the enemy. Their 'son' is going to kill Bella._ I reminded myself, trying to replace the irrational guilt I seemed to be feeling for being rude to Car – to the doctor leech.

The doctor didn't react to my rudeness.

"This may sting a little in your arm," he told me gently. The sharp sting in my arm was nothing compared to the pain I had been through in the last few days.

"I'll be back in two days," the doctor told me and then he left my room.

"Shall we go, love?" he asked once he was in the living room.

"Sure," his wife agreed. "It was nice to meet you, Mr Black. Lovely to talk as always, Charlie."

As the drugs took hold I realized the reason I had begun to see them as human-like was because they had acted like any human couple would. They seemed truly happy together.

_Maybe Bella...ugh, what am I thinking?_ My thoughts were becoming unsettling and I was glad when I felt myself dozing off under the morphine's influence.

_Bloody vampires fucking with my mind_, was my last thought before I fell asleep.

* * *

**A little off-topic at times, but I was hoping to show how despite Jacob's feeling towards vampires at this time, he's still able to see something special between C&E, as well as his opinion of them as a whole. But, in typical me style, I went off on a tangent.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**Btw did you know that if you start typing 'Carlisle and Esme' into Google the title for this story comes up on suggestions. I found this out completely by accident and it made me strangely happy. But I am just easily amused. **


	99. My Son's Wedding

2006

_Esme_

"Emmett!" I shouted at my boisterous son. "The flowers go over there!"

"Esme, you're beginning to turn into Alice. It's rather scary," he retorted jokingly. But, much to my relief, he moved the flowers to the requested place.

"No, Emmett. I'm just trying to make sure Alice doesn't kill us all. Which she will if things aren't perfect!"

"Good point," he conceded, as we continued to put the final touches to the decorations in our garden in preparation for Bella and Edward's wedding reception.

_Edward's wedding! _I reminded myself happily for what must have been the millionth time. I had always wished my son would get the chance of happiness he so richly deserved, even though for decades it had seemed he never would. Even once Bella entered his life, it had seemed that he still wouldn't. Stubborn to a fault, Edward had been unwilling to accept his own happiness – causing much misery to himself and his beloved in the process. Even once he had come to his senses, Bella's refusal to accept his proposal had caused more upset, not helped by the involvement of a certain werewolf. But here we were at last, at their wedding day.

I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the day Edward and Bella had come to our home after a day in their meadow, both all smiles.

I'm sure Edward had meant to formally announce their official engagement, but I had ruined it when I had noticed that Elizabeth Masen's ring was now on Bella's finger. My shout of "Oh my God, you're engaged," had, of course, brought the rest of my family running instantly into the living room.

It was only afterwards that I learned, from Carlisle, who Edward had told in more depth, about the compromise Edward and Bella had made. Boiled down, Bella had agreed to marry Edward on the condition that they tried to have sex while she was human, as well as him changing her. Of course, this panicked Edward no end, and I had to admit it worried me slightly. Sex was a powerful thing, especially amongst our kind due to our heightened senses and emotions. And while I had full confidence in my son, I couldn't help but worry about them none the less. It was what a mother did, as I constantly explained to my children.

Of course, Edward was terrified about his control, and there was little any of us could do to comfort him. He had discussed the matter with Carlisle, leading to, in Carlisle's own words, 'the most uncomfortable conversation the two of us has ever had in ninety years.'

"How did the others get out of this?" Emmett's question broke through my memories.

"Alice and Rosalie are with Bella, Carlisle's with Edward, and Jasper's has gone to pick Bella's mum and step-dad up." I was rather intrigued to met Renee and Phil as I had been speaking with her constantly over the phone since the engagement between her daughter and my son had been announced. She was incredibly enthusiastic about the wedding, which was surprising since Bella's earlier reluctance had stemmed from her mother's hatred of teen marriage.

"Finished!" I declared happily. "Hopefully, Alice will be pleased with it."

"If she wasn't, she'd have been down here and told us by now," Emmett pointed out.

We both looked up at the sound of an approaching car.

"Oh, the first guests are here!" I squealed, hurriedly heading towards the front of the house through our highly decorated living room.

"Charlie. Pastor Weber," I called in greeting.

"Hi Esme."

"Lovely to see you again, Mrs. Cullen."

"Would you both like to see where the ceremonies being held?" I asked. They both agreed and I followed me to the back garden.

"How you feeling, Charlie?" I asked as the Pastor prepared himself at the altar.

"Still in disbelief, can you believe our children are getting married today?"

"No," I answered truthfully.

"I'm nervous and scared. I hate to imagine how Bells feel."

"I know Edward's nervous but excited. We should be heading back to the main house for now."

We arrived in our living room just as Jasper led Renee and Phil into the room.

"Hello Charlie," Renee said cheerfully. They shared an uncomfortable hug and then Charlie and Phil shook hands.

"It's lovely to finally meet you both," I said.

"You must be Esme." Renee surprised me by giving me a hug to. I pulled away quickly. It wasn't good for humans to touch our cold skin for too long.

"You might want to put a coat on, you're freezing," she joked cheerfully. I forced myself to laugh.

"Renee?" Alice called from the upstairs landing. "Bella's all ready if you want to come upstairs."

"I should go see Edward," I announced, following Renee up the stairs. I knocked on Edward's door.

"Come in, Esme," he called.

"How are you?" I asked. Edward was stood in front of a mirror, Carlisle at his side.

"Right now. I'm thinking of just the ceremony and the idea of Bella being wife. So I've never been happier."

"I'm glad to hear that. You deserve happiness. Never forget that." I came to stand at his side opposite Carlisle.

"Thank you, Mom," Edward said softly.

"You're welcome." I looked into the mirror. "You look very handsome by the way." Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Both of you," I added with a smile at my husband.

"Alice is telling me it's nearly time and you need to send Charlie up," Edward said, smiling widely.

"I should be going downstairs then. I love you, son." I hugged Edward quickly and then went downstairs to get Charlie.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I took my place beside Emmett on the front row, while Edward and Carlisle, who Edward had asked to be his best man much to his delight, took their places in front of the pastor.

We heard Rosalie begin to play and then Bella, Charlie, and Alice arrived. Bella looked beautiful, there was no other way to describe her. She was staring straight head, her eyes only for Edward. He was the same, concentrating on his bride. Though we had all already known it, there could be no denying they were perfect for each other.

Halfway through the ceremony Renee began to cry, and I knew that if I could have I would have done so too.

"I do," Edward's voice was triumphant, and I knew how much this meant to him. That Bella had chose him. That after decades of loneliness and being the seventh wheel, he had found someone to love.

"I do," Bella's voice was shaking, as she said the word through what were clearly happy tears.

I had to laugh along with everyone at Bella's over exibutant kiss. But it showed her true feelings towards Edward. As they turned to face us, officially husband and wife, I couldn't help the wide smile that spread across my face. My family was complete at last.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I watched from Carlisle's arms as Bella and Edward shared their first dance.

"Do you remember our first dance?" Carlisle whispered in my ear.

"Hmm…let me think," I replied with mock thoughtfulness. "Of course, I do."

"You have no idea how happy I was in that moment. It was only really then that it impacted on me that I was truly going to have you by my side forever."

"Oh, I could guess," I replied with a smile. My husband kissed me gently on the cheek.

"I am just happy for Edward," Carlisle continued. "To think he's finally got to experience the same joy. My life before you was just bleak and lonely. And, despite our best efforts, so was Edward's before Bella. But you brought colour to my world, and that's what Bella does for Edward."

"I love you," I whispered quietly, squeezing my husband's arm.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

On the dance floor, Charlie was now dancing with Bella.

"I couldn't possibly get a dance with my mother, could I?" Edward asked me.

"I suppose so," I joked. Carlisle let go off me as Edward led me onto the dance floor.

"Congratulations," I said as we began to dance.

"Thank you, Mom," he replied.

"So there's two Mrs. Cullens now," I joked.

Edward laughed. "Bella is still getting use to that. It does feel good to say though." I smiled, remembering how Carlisle had gotten a similar joy out that after our wedding.

"He still does," Edward informed me with a smile. "Speaking of which, if you don't mind, I'm going to pass you back to your own husband while I go in search of my own bride." Carlisle's arms replaced Edward's and we began to dance.

"Everything's come together perfectly," I remarked.

"The wedding?"

"No, just… everything."

"I know what you mean. Our family is even and complete, and Edward is finally truly happy."

I don't know how long I had been happily dancing with my husband when a commotion outside caught our attention.

"What's happening?" I asked, worried. We moved off the dance floor so as not to attract too much attention to our sudden new focus. I could hear Edward and our one werewolf guest, Seth Clearwater.

"C'mon, Jake, let's go," Seth pleaded.

_Jake? As in, Jacob Black? He came? Oh dear God, I hope the werewolves aren't going to cause trouble._

Despite our alliance during the period of crisis caused by the attack of the newborns, relations between the wolves and us were still not the best. Better than they had been, but by no means great. They still distrusted us immensely, and Jacob's disappearance along with Bella's immediate plans regarding immortality hadn't helped any.

"I'll kill you," a voice I recognized as Jacob Black's said in a dangerous whisper. "I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now."

"Oh no!" I whispered, panicked. I wanted to go and intervene but knew it would only bring attention to what was happening. I noticed Jasper and Emmett on the sidelines, ready to intervene should it be necessary and relaxed, if only slightly.

We continued to listen as Seth managed to drag Jacob away. Shortly afterwards, Bella and Edward arrived, trying their best to look like nothing had happened.

"What should we do?" I asked my husband.

"There's not much we can do," Carlisle replied. "We always knew the wolves would oppose Bella's transformation."

"That wasn't about her transformation," Alice informed us quietly as she came to stand with us. "It was about … the honeymoon. Apparently, Jacob Black thinks Edward will kill her."

"Just what Edward needs to hear right now," Carlisle muttered sarcastically.

"Your best opportunity to talk to him is when I take Bella to get changed," Alice informed us.

"Thanks, Alice," we both replied gratefully.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Alice was dragging Bella towards the main house, while Edward stood watching her go.

"I know you two want to give me one of your patented 'It's okay, Edward' speeches," he said as he walked over to us. "Do we have to find somewhere for you to sit me down and then sit on either side of my first?" His joke sounded a bit forced.

"I knew you've already heard everything we have to say on the topic. Just remember we have faith in you, son," Carlisle told him.

"And Bella does, too," I added.

"I know," was his simple reply.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We all cheered as the car disappeared into the distance.

"So where are they going?" Renee asked Alice excitedly.

"Isle Esme," Alice answered. Renee turned to me.

"You have an island named after you?" she asked excitedly.

I smiled happily. "Yes, it was a present from Carlisle for our… 10th anniversary." I had nearly said 50th, which would have taken some explaining.

"Does expensive present buying run in your family?"

"Yes!" Alice, Rosalie, and I answered simultaneously.

Renee laughed. "You've taught your sons well, I see," she told Carlisle, who laughed.

"Not quite," I muttered, only loud enough for the rest of my family to hear. It was a running joke between us, stemming back to our very first anniversary in Alaska. Carlisle always purposefully bought me a rubbish or clichéd present alongside my real ones (which admittedly did improve over time, Isle Esme was proof of that.)

"Then again, Bella never was good at receiving presents," Renee continued. We all laughed then, and then through mutual agreement we began to hide inside.

"I'm sure over the centuries, Bella will get use to being given gifts," I muttered to my husband. I had to think like that. That Bella and Edward had centuries ahead of them. That they would have an enjoyable honeymoon and come home, we would move to avoid werewolf intervention, and then Edward would change her, and they would spend the rest of their lives together. I had enough trust in my son to believe that was what would happen. Her life most certainly was not going to end on my island.

* * *

**Ladies and gentleman, the start of Breaking Dawn :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreicated. I'm sorry for the lack of replies, but I promise you I am still reading them :)**


	100. Unexpected

**So here we are – chapter 100! I can't believe this story has grown so big. A big thank you to everyone who has stuck with me this far!**

* * *

2006

_Carlisle_

Alice walked through my office door, her face wore a worried mask. She held the phone out to me. I knew she had just phoned Bella and my first thought was that something disastrous had happened on Isle Esme. A second later, I realized it couldn't be too big a disaster if Bella was still alive.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?"

"I," she hesitated nervously, which only made me more anxious. "I'm a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock?" Her bizarre question did not help my unease. _What can possibly have happened to put Edward in a shock-like state?_ Though he wouldn't actually be 'in shock' in the human medical sense, just frozen.

"Has he been harmed?" Perhaps the trouble wasn't with Bella, who sounded a little scared, but not hurt.

"No, no. Just… taken by surprise."

"I don't understand, Bella."

"I think… well, I think that… maybe… I might be." She broke off to take a deep breath, clearly agitated. "Pregnant." It took a few seconds for that word to sink in. It was not something I had ever considered when Edward had told me about his agreement with Bella. After all, it was scientific fact that vampires couldn't have children.

_But Bella isn't a vampire._

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?"

"Sixteen days before the wedding."

"How do you feel?"

"Weird." Bella's voice broke then and it sounded like she was crying. "This is going to sound crazy – look, I know it's way to early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and… and… I swear something _moved_ inside me." That couldn't possibly be right. She should only be a couple of weeks pregnant at the most, too early for any of the side effects she described. Definitely too early for her to be able to feel the baby move. After all, it should have been nothing more than a ball of cells at this stage.

On the other end of the phone, I heard Bella sigh in relief. "Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you."

"Put him on." I couldn't help noticing how strained my voice sounded.

"Is it possible?" Edward whispered.

"I don't know. They've never been a relationship like yours and Bella's before. It's always been an accepted fact that vampires can't get pregnant, but none of us have ever considered the idea that perhaps the men could reproduce with human females. So yes, it could be. And, from what she told me, it sounds like she is."

"And Bella?" he asked in a tense voice.

"I couldn't say, I'd have to take a look at her first. But this doesn't sound like a normal pregnancy. Therefore it's hard to guess at any possible effects. You're best bringing her home."

"Yes. Yes, I will." He hung the phone up without another word. Alice was still stood opposite me, her eyes were glazed over as if she was having a vision, but her face wore a pained look. She exited the vision with a frustrated sigh.

"Can you see anything in relation to Bella?" I asked.

She shook her head. "The visions are all… blurry. I can't see what's going to happen. I think," as always, Alice's hatred at using the word 'think' was obvious, "They are going to come home as soon as possible." She was clearly vexed by the lack of visions, since she therefore had no way of knowing the future of her best friend … or her best friend's possible baby.

Jasper came into my office then, clearly Alice's negative emotions had caught his attention. Comfortingly, he led his wife out the door.

I let my mind think about this latest development. If Bella really was pregnant, then what was the foetus? How would the pregnancy progress, since it already would appear to be going at an alarmingly fast pace? Was that due to the possible vampiric nature of the foetus? What effect would that have Bella? What would Edward's reaction be?

I was pulled from my troubled thoughts when my wife entered the room.

"Alice said that Bella's possibly… pregnant?" She asked as she sat down on my lap. Her confusion matched my own. I nodded to show her this was indeed true. "Pregnant?" she repeated incredulously.

_Vampires can't have children. _Between the two of us we had long ago accepted that statement was an indisputable fact. We had no other choice but to accept the idea that we could never biologically have children together.

"How can she be pregnant?" Esme was still voicing her confusion out loud.

"I don't know." In fact, I could guess. The main reason vampires couldn't reproduce sexually was because pregnancy involved the woman's body undergoing many changes, and vampire women, whose bodies were frozen in the state they were transformed, were unable to change. However, we had never had anyway of knowing if vampire men could still reproduce, due to the fact that they either mated with vampire women or humans who didn't survive the experience. As far as I knew, Bella and Edward's coupling was unique.

But I didn't want to share any of that with Esme right now – for it would no doubt end with her feeling as if it was some sort of personal failing of hers.

"What are we going to do?" Esme asked.

"They're coming home straight away. We'll go and meet them at the airport and then we can decide what to do next once we've got them safely home. "

"What does Edward what you to do?"

"He's bringing her home so I can confirm if she is pregnant or not. However, going of what she's told me, she's not only pregnant, but her pregnancy is proceeding at a disturbing rate."

"What will that mean for her? Will she be at risk?" I could only shrug, though if the foetus did have vampire traits I could only guess it would be.

"And if Bella's life is at risk, Edward will do anything save her," Esme continued her train of thought. "No matter what the cost…"

"Probably," I replied carefully.

"What about Bella? What does she want?"

"I don't know. I think she doesn't know herself – she was still in shock."

"Well, at least, she'll have time to think it through a little more on the way here. Hopefully, her and Edward will discuss it." She didn't sound like she really believed the last part would happen, I certainly had my doubts. For Edward's habit of taking everything upon himself wouldn't have been solved by just a few weeks of marriage.

We were interrupted when Rosalie walked in.

"Emmett and me are coming to the airport with you," she announced in a tone that would brook no argument. Perhaps I was imagining it, but she seemed to have a glint in her eyes as she said it, as if she was planning something. Though I couldn't see what she could be up. Surely the news of Bella's pregnancy would only be fuel on the fire that was Rosalie's hatred for the girl. Though Rosalie had made great progress in her efforts to warm to Bella, I couldn't help but fear that this would reverse everything.

"Of course, if you want to," I agreed amiably.

Rosalie turned to leave the room.

"Rosalie?" Esme called, worried.

"Don't worry, Esme. I'm going to everything I can to help Bella. And I'm certainly not going to do anything you'd disagree with it." And with that last cryptic message she left.

"I do hope she doesn't take this too hard," Esme muttered quietly. Though her inability to have anymore children had always upset Esme, it had affected Rosalie even more. For Rosalie saw it as just another thing she had lost, another reason to hate what she was. Though Esme grieved for her lost fertility, she did not hate being a vampire the way Rosalie did.

"We should go soon," Alice announced from her room for everyone to hear. "I'm fairly certain they land in an hour." Again, the disdain at her own uncertainty was obvious.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

It was Edward's expression that was the first thing that caught my attention when we first saw him and Bella. It was indiscernible – a mixture of guilt, worry, and pain.

I turned my attention to Bella. She was paler than usual, and probably the best way of describing her was that she looked ill. Her eyes were nervous as they scanned across the members of my family, before finally settling on Rosalie. But rather than fear or worry, she looked relieved.

None of us expected what happened next – Bella rushed forward, out of Edward's arms and into Rosalie's. We all looked on in shock - minus Emmett who must have known whatever his wife was planning, though judging by the look on his face he was uncertain about it. Even Alice looked surprised, though there was always a grim recognization. I could only presume she had seen a blurry vision of these events, and therefore wasn't certain on the likelihood of it actually happening. _And who could blame her for thinking there was something wrong with her visions when she saw this happening?_

"Bella?" I called gently. She focused her attention on me as I took a step towards where she stood in Rosalie's arms. I was horrified to see the fear in her eyes as she cringed away to me, retreating further into Rosalie, who angled her body so she was between Bella and me.

"Bella?" I said again softly. "It's OK. We're going to do everything we can to make sure you're OK." For some reason, Rosalie glared at me. Bella's eyes widened in shock.

"No." Her voice was shaky but firm.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was tentative and strained. He had been watching the entire event play out with a hard look on his face.

"It's our child, Edward," she whispered pleadingly. "You can't…" So Edward had come to the same conclusion that I had, that the best way to avoid harm to Bella would be to terminate the pregnancy.

"Perhaps we should all discuss this once we're home," I announced carefully.

"There's nothing to discuss," Rosalie snapped. "We're keeping this baby."

"We're?" Edward growled at her.

"Edward," Esme said warningly. "We can discuss this once we're not in the middle of an airport."

"Come on, let's go home," I announced firmly.

"Bella's coming with Emmett and me," Rosalie stated firmly. She was still holding onto Bella as we all began to walk towards the exit.

"Bella?" Edward pleaded.

"I want to go in the car with Rosalie," she whispered softly, her voice was still shaking. She looked away from Edward guiltily. Edward didn't say anything in reply, but when we arrived at the cars he followed Rosalie and Bella.

"You can drive," Rosalie told Emmett. She then got in the back with Bella, while Edward went round to sit at Bella's other side.

"Bella's determined to have the baby," Alice proclaimed softly once the rest of us were in my car.

"And what happens to her?" Jasper asked cautiously. Alice's emotions were probably already telling him the answer wasn't good.

"I don't know," Alice replied, not words I had ever heard Alice say before. "Bella's still all blurry to me in my visions. I can't see past the foetus or whatever it is."

"Is she definitely pregnant then?" Esme asked.

"She's certainly something," Alice replied bitterly.

"I'll run some tests once we're home so we can know for sure," I said.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Well, Bella, you're definitely pregnant," I told her. A blood test had confirmed it, though you didn't have to be a doctor to spot the bump she was already sporting. "However, we have no way of knowing how you're pregnancy will progress. As I'm sure you've already figured out, your symptoms are much more advanced than they should be, suggesting your pregnancy is progressing much faster than normal. However, we have no way of knowing how advanced at the moment. I'm going to get some ultrasound equipment from the hospital to see if we can get an image of the foetus, which should, hopefully, give us a better idea of what we're dealing with."

"Except there's no way of knowing what we're dealing with, or how it'll effect you," Edward added bitterly.

"So, of course, we should kill it," Rosalie snapped at him sarcastically. They had both insisted on being with Bella the entire time, both to the others disgust.

I had to resist the urge to sigh. Or tell them both to shut up. It was unusual for me to be so edgy, but with everything that was happening everyone on edge. After three hundred years of medical practise I was use to dealing with high stress situations, but it was a different matter entirely when the patient was my own daughter. I'd never had to deal with familial medical problems before, and certainly not something like this. Life and death.

"Edward. Rosalie. Can I speak to Bella alone for a minute?"

"Why?" Rosalie said suspiciously.

"Because Bella needs to be aware of all the options available to her and the risks. It's standard medical procedure."

"Bella?" Rosalie asked. She hesitated.

"Bella, I just want to talk to you. That's all."

"It's fine, Rosalie."

"I'll be right outside," Rosalie told her, though I knew it was really a warning to me. Edward didn't move

_Edward, please. You know Rosalie will never allow the pair of us to be alone with her._

Unhappily, they both left.

"I'm not going to give up this child, Carlisle," Bella told me assertively.

"Bella, this child could be vampiric in nature. And our nature is to kill humans. If you choose to proceed with this pregnancy, it could kill you."

"But surely one of you could save me first?" I could see the logic there, somewhat. She had always planned to become a vampire soon, what difference did it make if she nearly lost her life first?

"Probably yes. But what if a circumstance arises where we were unable to do so?" I sighed. "At the end of it all, Bella, the question is: are you willing to die, die truly that is, for this child?"

She hesitated and I knew I had given her something to think about.

I sighed again. "Bella," I said softly. "I think of you as my daughter." I saw her eyes widen slightly, but then she smiled.

"Thank you," she whispered softly. I smiled back at her gently.

"And, of course, I don't want to see you hurt. But you have to do what you think is best. And you have to remember, that since we don't know what we're dealing your death could be a very real possibility, and that your life, your existence, is worth something to a lot of people. And, it goes without saying, that Edward is at the top of the list by a long shot. If you are truly willing to die for this child, you have to consider how your death could effect those who love you." I didn't have to say the next bit out loud – that we both knew what Edward would do if she died.

"I know. I do know, Carlisle. But I can't kill this child. It's our child. Mine and Edward's."

"Perhaps we are best making a decision once we know more about the foetus," I suggested gently. She didn't say anything, but I knew she wouldn't change her mind.

"Well, I think you've said quite enough," Rosalie shot at me as she re-entered the room. She helped Bella of the examination table, and led her out the room.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"You're going to kill her!" Edward shouted at Rosalie. Upstairs, Bella was asleep, and now World War Three was about to break out amongst my family.

"I'm doing what she wants," Rosalie shot back.

"You're doing what you want! You don't care about Bella or her life, you're just being a selfish bitch as usual!" Emmett moved to stand protectively in front of his wife then, glaring menacingly at Edward.

"Can we all calm down for a second, please?" Esme requested.

"I think Esme's right. We all need to calm down and discuss this," I added.

"There's nothing to discuss," Rosalie argued. "We won't change our minds."

"Yes, but since you have no concern what so ever for Bella's life, as far as I'm concerned, your opinion counts for nothing," Edward told her. "We have to do what's best for _Bella_, and that's removing that… thing."

"Your child, Edward," Esme re-corrected him gently. Edward ignored her and turned his attention to me.

"Carlisle, you know I can't let Bella die, you have to help me," he pleaded desperately. I didn't know how to reply. Of course, I didn't want Bella, and therefore, Edward to die, but we would have to persuade her to give up her child, something she seemed unlikely to do.

"Don't you dare, Carlisle," Rosalie screeched at me.

"You have to," Edward insisted. If it would save her life, should I? After all, despite Rosalie and Bella's visions of a child, I couldn't see how this pregnancy could end well. But if we were to terminate her pregnancy, even to save her own life, would Bella ever forgive us?

"I told Bella that I would do some more tests to try and determine the nature of the foetus." I looked over at my daughter. "What if those tests come back to tell us the child is a danger? What if this pregnancy would, without a doubt, kill Bella? Would you still not allow us?"

"So Bella's life is more important than the child's?" Rosalie asked me.

"Yes," Edward answered stonily.

"We don't even know if it is a child," I replied softly.

"Of course it is," Rosalie replied. "It's a child and you want to kill it. But I won't allow you to."

"We want to save Bella's life," Edward shot back. "You won't allow that?" he added sarcastically. "We have to end this pregnancy," he stated matter-of-factly.

"I _won't_ allow it!" Rosalie growled dangerously at him.

"Stop it! All of you, stop it!" Esme snapped. "You know what, Rosalie, Edward was right. Your opinion doesn't matter."

"But…Esme," Rosalie stammered. Edward smiled smugly at her until Esme added,

"And neither does yours, Edward. The only opinion that matters in all this is Bella's. It's her body, her baby, her life. Therefore: her choice."

"And she wants to keep it," Rosalie said smugly, clearly she sensed victory.

"Because you're encouraging her," Edward snapped.

"She phoned me, Edward. Asking for help, because she wanted to keep the baby long before I even knew she was pregnant. And you just didn't care." It was like she had physically slapped Edward, he just looked at her in stunned silence.

"Edward," Esme said softly. "It's Bella's decision. And you have to accept it and, as her husband, support her." Edward looked at his mother for a few seconds, and then his eyes travelled around us all. They rested on Alice, who had been sit watching us with Jasper. Her blurry visions were affecting her badly, hence her unusual lack of input to the discussion. Then to Rosalie, who was still half-hidden by her husband but you could still sense the air of victory radiating of her, and then finally, he looked at me, a last plea in his eyes.

I know it's hard for you to accept, son. But your mother's right. It's Bella's decision and not ours to make for her.

His face was a tortured mask as he left the room in silence, going up to his room where Bella slept.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I was sat in my office - looking through test results, medical journals, and books of old legends, trying to find anything that could give us any hint to what we had to do, how best to make sure Bella survived. Since she had arrived home a week ago, she had got progressively worse. She had no appetite and seemed to throw up anything she ate, the foetus had grown in size alarmingly, and, perhaps most worrying of all, she had bruises covering her swollen belly, showing the foetus' abnormal strength.

I was distracted by the sound of a motorbike in the distance, heading towards our house.

"Werewolf, I assume," Alice announced.

"Jacob Black," Edward whispered softly. Rosalie hissed.

_Does he mean us any harm?_

"He thinks I killed her," he said emotionlessly. We had all converged in the living room around Bella.

"We can't allow that mutt near her," Rosalie snapped.

"Jacob could be here acting on behalf of the werewolves if he thinks the treaty broken," Jasper whispered furiously.

"But it isn't," I reminded him. We heard the motorcycle engine cut off and then footsteps heading towards the door. I went to met him at the door.

"I heard Bella made it back alive," he said to me edgily.

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time. Could we do this later?" I said uncomfortably. I had not even considered the werewolves' reaction yet and now was certainly not the time for Jacob to see Bella.

"Don't you dare let the mutt in, Carlisle," Rosalie muttered to me under the breath.

"Why not?" Bella asked. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too?" We all knew lying to her father earlier this week had truly upset Bella. "What's the point? Come in, please, Jacob." I could understand Bella's desire to not hide the truth from the friend, but, considering he was a werewolf, surely this couldn't end well.

Before I had a chance to make a decision, Jacob stepped around me.

He stood bug-eyed as he took in the scene in our living room. A clearly sick Bella, a tortured-looking Edward, and a overprotective Rosalie. He seemed to be stunned into silence until he finally asked what was wrong, in a voice that was barely a whisper.

But as Bella showed him her newly swollen belly, his expression changed from shock to disgust.

Suddenly, Edward's head shot up. I could only assume I didn't even want to know what Jacob Black was thinking.

Standing up, he snarled, "Outside, Jacob."

"Let's do this," Jacob agreed. Instantly, Emmett and Jasper went to stand with Edward.

_Edward, you know Bella won't want you to fight._

"No," Bella gasped, proving my point. She grasped Edward's arm, pulling Rosalie along with her.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella," Edward told her. He promised her they would both come back and then, with one last word of warning from Bella, the two of them left. We heard them walk beyond our hearing distance.

Esme came to stand by me, gently locking her hand into mine, but, like me, she seemed not to know what to say. An uncomfortable silence fell over the entire room, broken only by Bella coughing or throwing up occasionally.

Eventually, we heard two pairs of footsteps heading back towards our house. I couldn't help but feel a little relieved.

"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," Edward announced in a monotone.

"Over my dead piles of ashes," Rosalie hissed. Edward appealed to Bella, who agreed despite Rosalie's protests.

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," Edward told her, his anger beginning to break through his voice. "We're the ones she's afraid of." _Is Bella really afraid of me? Does she truly think I would remove the foetus without her permission?_ It was hard to imagine that Bella thought we were just waiting for a chance to forcefully remove the foetus. _Then again, at this point would I put that past Edward?_ I didn't know the answer, though I had to admit I was leaning towards no, which severely worried me.

We all moved quickly out the door, except Rosalie, who hovered for a moment before Bella insisted she leave.

We all converged a short distance from the house, we couldn't hear the words but we would hear Jacob leave. We would also, if I could guess, still be close enough for Edward to read Jacob's thoughts.

"Whatever you're planning it isn't going to work," Rosalie snapped at Edward. Edward ignored her.

"Edward?" Esme called quietly. "What have you asked Jacob to say to her?"

"Probably trying to get the mutt to get her to agree to murder," Rosalie muttered. "She wants this child, Edward. How long until you get that into your head!"

"I know, Rosalie," he whispered quietly. His face showed his inner turmoil in a way he never allowed himself to in front of Bella.

"And yet you still try," Rosalie muttered.

"I'm trying to-"

"Oh will the pair of you shut up!" This outburst came unexpectedly from Alice. She was sat hunched over, wrapped in Jasper's arms. The unclearness of her visions was still bothering her.

"It's blank now, but once Jacob leaves she's as blurry as ever," she announced flatly. Rosalie smiled triumphantly, while Edward turned around so as not to look at any of us.

We heard the backdoor shut and then canine footsteps, clearly Jacob decided running home would be easier. Plus, he no doubt wanted to share what he had just learned with the rest of the pack.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"She's actually scared of me," I blurted the words out as I ran alongside Esme. It had been troubling me ever since Edward has first mentioned it. She stopped suddenly, and looked at me compassionately.

"I don't think she's scared of _you_, as much as what you could do to her."

"But for her to actually think I would…" I trailed off, thinking about the implications of that idea.

"You are Edward's father. Surely you can see why she thinks you would do anything to stop his pain," she suggested gently.

"But how could I possibly do that when I see her as a daughter too?"

Esme shrugged. "You couldn't. But can't you see why Bella would think that? After all, you have been Edward's father for nearly ninety years now."

I sighed to myself. Esme was right, I could understand Bella's thinking, but it didn't make it any less unsettling to me.

"Deer," Esme pointed out quietly, and we began to hunt.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We had just buried our corpses when my phone rang.

"Emmett?"

"We have a problem, Carlisle. Jacob and one of the other wolves are here. Apparently, the rest of the pack wants to kill Bella." This news was announced in a grave tone.

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"You'll have to ask Edward for the rest of the details when you get home. Which, you know, would be best if you could do that ASAP."

"We'll be there in twenty minutes, tops." I told him before hanging up.

"What's going on?" Esme asked, worried.

"We need to go home. I'll explain on the way."

As we ran, I told her what Emmett had told me.

"Kill…kill Bella?" she repeated in shock. "And the rest of our family while they're are it, I'm sure," she added sarcastically.

We had ran a little further when we caught the stench of werewolf on the air. We both tensed immediately. Instinctively, we both took defensive stances.

I recognized the boy who walked towards us as Seth Clearwater – the werewolf that Edward had befriended and who had attended the wedding.

"I'm on your side," he told us. I found that believable – Emmett had said there was another wolf with Jacob, and Seth was the only one who I could imagine would be willing to support us.

"What's happened?" I asked.

"Jacob showed us what happened at your house earlier. About Bella's pregnancy, and then Edward's sick offer."

"Sick offer?" Esme questioned.

"The whole 'you get her pregnant instead' thing." There was a pause as both of us looked at each other in surprise. _Edward really will do anything if it means Bella lives._

"You didn't know about that, did you? Oops!" Seth said, processing our shocked looks.

"What happened with the pack, Seth?" I asked urgently.

"Sam decided that since the baby is an unknown factor, we don't know what danger it poses, and we can't take that risk."

"So it had to be destroyed, and Bella and our family with it," I finished for him grimly.

"Well, yeah…" Seth agreed with my diagnosis of the situation reluctantly.

"But Jacob, well obviously Jacob didn't want to kill Bella, so he broke away from the rest of the pack. And I followed. I didn't want to attack you all, you're good people. Vampires. Whatever."

"Thank you, Seth," Esme said with a sweet smile. "That must have been hard for you. We're truly thankful."

"Yes, thank you," I added genuinely.

"Erm…no problem. You're welcome. You should be getting home, anyway. I'm gonna go back into wolf form now. "

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

We were setting up a hospital bed. Luckily, I had built up a more than adequate supply of medical equipment over the years.

"You might feel a small prick," I told Bella, as I inserted the IV drip. Edward held her hand as she clamped her eyes tight. She was undeniably worse. In just the small amount time I'd be hunting with Esme, she had obviously grown weaker. I couldn't help but feel helpless, there was nothing I could to help her. Except the thing she wouldn't allow us to do. It had been difficult enough to get Rosalie to agree she needed the IV.

On the plus side, at least Sam and the rest of the wolf pack hadn't shown up.

"How are you feeling?" Esme asked softly.

"OK," Bella said. _Same old Bella._ In other circumstances, me and my family might have got a laugh out of that. But not now. The stakes were too high now.

Bella was rubbing her swollen belly lovingly. Esme was watching the motion carefully. I recognized the mournful look on her face, I had no doubt she was currently thinking about when she had been pregnant herself. Without even thinking about it, I walked over to her. I wrapped my arm around her, stroking her side comfortingly. She smiled up at me gratefully, but didn't say anything.

Just then, a howl ripped through the silence. All my family froze, while Bella tried to sit up, but she was too weak.

"Are the wolves coming?" Jasper asked Edward. He looked over at Alice, subconsciously I had to assume.

"The fight begins," Emmett said ominously, though he was smirking.

"It was a false alarm," Edward explained in his dead voice. Every time I heard that voice it scared me more. "Seth was upset about something else, and he forgot we were waiting for a signal. He's very young."

"Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort," Emmett grumbled.

"They've done us a great service tonight, Emmett," I reminded him gently. "At great personal sacrifice."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there." I knew that as much as Emmett loved to fight, a part of his desire came from not wanting to feel powerless – just like me.

"Seth doesn't think Sam will attack tonight," Edward said mechanically. "Not with us forewarned, and lacking two members of the pack."

"What does Jacob think?" I asked.

"He's not as optimistic." Nobody said anything in response as we considered the repercussions of that. I looked down at Bella. She seemed to have fallen asleep, though I could only assume out of sheer exhaustion rather than any actual wish to fall asleep. Her efforts to sit up had probably tired her out too much. I wondered if the IV was working and moved to examine it.

"Don't touch her! You'll wake her up!" Rosalie whispered at me furiously. I couldn't help but sigh. Rosalie over-protectiveness was growing frustrating. _Surely, despite the fact she's never been my biggest fan, she knows I have no intention of harming Bella?_

"Rosalie," I murmured.

"Don't start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that's all we're allowing." Rosalie had taken to talking like that – as though her and Bella were one being.

"So the wolves won't attack tonight?" Jasper asked.

"Doesn't look like it," I agreed.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Bella actually seemed to be getting better – though I didn't dare to be too optimistic. She was still on the hospital bed, but sat up, drinking from a cup of blood. It was her second cup in less than five minutes, when we'd first decided to try giving it to her. Bizarrely, considering we were all vampires, we hadn't figured out that the foetus needed blood. It had been, of all people, Jacob Black who had first considered the idea. How I could have overlooked the idea that the foetus may need blood, I didn't know. Despite all the evidence, I kept forgetting to consider the foetus' possible vampiric nature.

"She's seem better," Esme said quietly, looking at Bella as she came to stand by my side.

"For now," I added.

"You can't think like that," Esme reprimanded me gently.

"We still don't what the child will be like, or how the pregnancy will process. And we still have the wolves to worry about."

Edward was currently encouraging Jacob to go to sleep, and then Jacob began saying his goodbyes to Bella.

"Of course," Esme agreed. "But I'm really beginning to think everything might just turn out OK." That was my Esme – always the optimist. "Perhaps you should take that view too. After all, Bella's getting better and I really don't think the wolves are coming." The words were barely out of her mouth when two urgent howls ripped through the air.

* * *

**I know I've skipped bits, but I'm sure you'll all have read Breaking Dawn and know what happened. I'd rather write the bits we haven't already seen, though of course some bits are necessary to show.**

**Reviews are still greatly appreciated, despite my suckishness at replying. Yeah, suckishness isn't an actual word, but you all know what I mean. Yes, I am an English student, what's your point? :P**

**Was Carlisle's reactions to the pregnancy in character? Do you feel I covered the right parts of the story? **


	101. Vampire Mother Hen

2006

_Esme_

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"More wolves approaching," Edward replied tensely. "At least three, Seth thinks."

"Are they planning to attack?"

"I can't tell yet." We were all frozen, except Bella who had fallen asleep. Was this an attack or an attempt at peace?

"There's four of them. Three wolves, one man." After a short pause, he continued. "I can hear the other wolves now. It's not an attack. They've come to plea with Jacob, Seth, and Leah to return home." Everyone relaxed slightly. But would it work? And if it did, would our family be at risk?

"Jacob's confused. He's wondering why they've sent one of the younger wolves. Jared talking now, he wants Jacob to phase back but Jacob won't. Apparently, Sam's rethought his policy regarding the foetus and Bella, but Jacob's pack are sceptical. Leah thinks that," he paused uncomfortably before continuing in the same, flat voice I'd heard him use too much recently, the one that reminded me of when I'd shut down in my newborn year, or when Edward had done much the same after leaving Bella. "That they're waiting for Bella to die anyway so Jacob will lead the attack."

"Edward," I murmured. He shook off my attempt to be comforting.

"Jacob's sent Leah on a circuit and is going to phase. He's human now. He's greeting Jared. Jared wants him to come back. Quil is really unhappy with the situation. The others worry he might defect to Jacob's pack. That's why they brought Colin instead of Embry." I didn't recognize all the names that Edward said, but I knew he was concentrating too deeply on the conversation and the wolves' thoughts to give much thought to his description to us.

"Jared's pleading with Jacob to come home, and to let Seth and Leah do so to. Jacob's joking and Jared's asked what now. Jacob's not certain what to say. He's explaining that he doesn't think they can go back to one pack. Jared saying Jacob still belongs with them, but Jacob disagrees. There can't be two Alphas. Jared's arguing now, asking if they're going to just stay with us the rest of their lives, pointing out that they have no home or clothes, and that Leah dislikes eating as a wolf."

"No home or clothes?" I murmured, feeling guiltily that they were like that because of us.

"Jared says Sam's sorry for what happened, but Jacob's still refusing to come home. He says he's protecting those who should be protected, and that applies to us too." Unexpectedly, he chuckled slightly. "Except perhaps me and Rosalie. Jared's given up, he knows he can't get Jacob home. He's going to try and guilt trip Seth. He's telling him their mom wants him home, using his father's death against him." My feeling of guilt only increased as I imagined his poor mother. Right then, I decided the best thing I could do to make it up to her was to help take care of her children. No more of this no home or clothes business, or eating as a wolf if Leah didn't like to do so. It was the very least I could do after all they'd sacrificed to help protect my family.

"Leah's back. This isn't going to go down well. Nope, definitely not gone down well."

"What?" Carlisle and I both asked, both Edward just continued with his rundown of what was happening.

"Jacob says Leah belongs where she wants to be. Now he's telling Jared that until the feud's over he should stick to his land. Jared's annoyed, he's snapped at Jacob, asked where his land is. If it's vampire land. Jacob's replied no, that they're homeless."

"Homeless?" I murmured. I was going to change that.

"Jacob says that, that there isn't much time … left. And we'll leave and then Seth and Leah will go home."

"And Jacob?" I asked, feeling genuinely worried for him.

"Back to the forest. Now Jared's asking what if they need to talk and Jacob's said howl, but there's no need to send so many. Jared's unhappy but he has accepted it. Jacob's asking about Embry, still worried. Jared won't explain why and now he's saying goodbye. Jacob's asked him to tell his dad he loves him." Once more my insides squirmed with guilt, all these family that were being hurt to protect mine. Well, I was going to try and rectify that as soon as possible.

"They're leaving, and now the other wolves our out of my telepathic range. Jacob, Seth, and Leah are hiding back this way."

"Well, at least things are still OK for now," Carlisle murmured.

"OK?" I said incredulously. "Right, I'm off to go do some cooking and wash some clothes. Homeless, indeed."

"Jacob was annoyed that he ruined his last set of clothes transforming," Edward told me.

"He can have some of Emmett's old ones then," I announced. I heard a protest sound from upstairs. Ignoring it, I went upstairs. "After everything they're done for us," I muttered as I searched through the small section of Rosalie's walk-in wardrobe that contained Emmett's clothes. He wisely decided to not say anything else. I left them on the doorstep and then walked back into the living room.

Bella had woke up. I watched as Edward and Rosalie helped her off the hospital bed and to the sofa, where they begin to watch the TV.

"Would you like more blood, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, please," she said excitedly, and then looked embarrassed. As Carlisle went to get her more blood, I drifted over to where the pad to control the metal shutters where. This room needed sunlight once more, and, now it seemed that Sam's pack were truly not a threat to us at this moment in time, I couldn't see any reason not to give us some. It would probably be best for Bella anyway, make the room more cheerily. I typed the code in and the shutters opened to reveal the beautiful forestry that surrounded the house. I had always loved the scenery at Forks.

"I think I can move the hospital bed, you look so good, Bella," I heard Carlisle say. I continued to stare out the window, thinking about the three poor wolves that now called it the closest thing they had to a home.

"Penny for your thoughts," Carlisle said as he came to stand by me.

"Just thinking about those poor wolves," I told him. "I really do want to do something to make them feel less…homeless."

Just then, we heard the sound of a wolf approaching.

"Jacob," Edward announced. We heard him come to the doorstep and then run off again. _Is he upset about the clothes?_

"No, he appreciated the clothes. Just didn't want to phase in front of the house in case it was Blondie playing a trick on him. Rosalie, I mean." Rosalie glared at him, but I couldn't help but notice that Edward seemed happier. His happiness seemed to be in direct correlation with Bella's health.

"I think you were right, love. Things do seem to be looking up," Carlisle said to me softly.

"Indeed," I agreed. We both lapsed into a comfortable silence as we stood there together, staring out the giant glass wall.

In the background, Jacob was talking to Bella and Edward.

_Edward, can you tell him that if they want food or clothes they're more than welcome to help themselves. This can be their home if they want it to be, I don't want anyone to be homeless._

As Jacob turned to leave, I heard Edward retell my message to him. He sounded uncertain and I had a feeling he wouldn't be accepting any offers of help anytime soon.

"At least I tried," I murmured.

"I know you're upset by the idea of the wolves being homeless, Esme, but I really don't think they'll appreciate any attempts to help," Carlisle told me quietly.

"Maybe. But that isn't going to stop me from trying to help."

Carlisle chuckled. "Of course."

The entire atmosphere inside the house changed when there was a loud cracking noise, followed by Bella giving a low, pained moan. Instantly, everyone rushed to her side.

"Bella?" Carlisle said anxiously.

"Give me a second, Carlisle," Bella panted.

"Bella, I heard something crack. I need to take a look," Carlisle insisted.

"Pretty sure. It was a rib. Ow. Yep. Right here." She pointed to her left side. Just when it looked like she was getting better. I briefly looked over at Edward, any trace of happiness had disappeared.

"I need to take an X-ray now. There might be splinters. We don't want it to puncture anything."

"Okay," Bella breathed. Between them, Carlisle, Edward, and Rosalie got her upstairs. Alice had drifted downstairs and was talking to Jacob, and I drifted off to the kitchen. Even if none of them would eat it, I was still going to make some food for the wolves. At least then I would be doing something to help, rather than just watching from the sidelines.

"Esme," Alice shouted. "Do you think you could go get a pillow for Jacob, please. I would, but… Bella's up there," Alice trailed off unhappily. Being unable to see Bella annoyed her, but it was having to keep her distance from Bella that was worst for her. Simply put, she missed her best friend.

"Of course, dear." I went and got one of the cushions of my bed, placing it under Jacob's sleeping head once I was downstairs again.

"How are you?" I asked Alice softly.

"I never thought I'd say this, but better now the wolf's here." I gave her a gentle, motherly kiss on the forehead. Just then, Bella was carried back downstairs by Rosalie and Edward. I was relieved to see they took her to the sofa, at least they didn't feel the need to get the hospital bed out again.

"How you feeling, Bella?" I asked quietly.

"Fine," she replied predictably. Her hands were cradling her stomach protectively, and despite the blurriness of the memories I could remember once doing the very same. I looked over at Rosalie, whose eyes were also on Bella's bump. If I remembered, then she wished. Not that I don't wish to be able to have more biological children, just that I had accepted a long time ago that it was impossible.

"Esme?" Bella called my name nervously.

"Yes dear?"

"What, what was it like when you were pregnant?" she asked curiously. I didn't answer straight away, contemplating how best to do so. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," she said quickly.

_Can you leave us alone a minute?_ Edward didn't seem happy about it, but he did as I asked.

"I do a little bit, yes. The main thing I remember is this burning desire to protect my child." Bella nodded along. Yes, she knew all about that. "That's why I left-" I cut off then, there was no need to get into all that with Bella. Not now. I sighed. "Bella, just remember that everyone here will do everything they can to protect you and that child." She looked at me sceptically. "Yes, even Edward. Because hurting the child would hurt you, and he knows that."

"Thanks, Esme," she whispered gratefully.

"Not a problem, dear," I replied. I kissed her gently on the forehead, much like I had with Alice earlier. As I walked back towards the kitchen, I saw Alice was still sat beside Jacob, looking the most relaxed I'd seen her in days. A very disapproving looking Jasper was by her side. I had to doubt he was only accepting this situation –Alice being so near a werewolf- because he knew had much distress she had been in the last few days.

When I got into the kitchen, I was surprised to find Edward there. He shrugged.

"I rather liked cooking for Bella at Isle Esme. And since you're so determined to feed the wolves."" He paused. "Thank you. For what you said to Bella. You've always had more faith in me than I had in myself."

_Perhaps it's time you started believing me then. Go back to Bella, I'll finish in here._

_~o~ ~O~ ~o~_

It was the early hours of the morning when I heard another werewolf approaching. I was up in Carlisle's office with him, as he searched desperately through books of medicine and mythology, and on the internet, searching for answers. He'd been doing this ever since Bella and Edward returned home a week ago and was still yet to find little of interest. But Bella's cracked rib had reminded us all how serious the situation was, despite the improvements caused by her drinking blood.

"I'm going to ask if they want any breakfast," I announced, before flitting downstairs. Seth Clearwater was stood in my living room.

"I was just checking on Jacob. I'll leave now." I realized that with Jacob crashing in his human form, my message of hospitality had never been passed onto the other wolves.

"Are you hungry, Seth? Me and Edward made some human food earlier, you're welcome to stay and have some."

Seth smiled. "Thanks, Mrs. Cullen," he said, heading into the kitchen. "Wow! That's a lot of food," he exclaimed.

I shrugged. "I may have gone overboard. I don't usually cook, but I do enjoy it. Edward had an unusual flair for it too."

"Really?" Seth said in a teasing voice. I heard Edward laugh slightly in the other room. I could only presume Bella was looking vaguely better then.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"What are you doing?" Carlisle asked. I had to admit I probably looked weird putting my clothes into the washing machine using plastic gloves. I was trying to leave as little scent of my scent on them as possible.

"Washing some clothes for Leah. I'm trying to avoid them smelling like vampires," I told him as I poured detergent into the drawer of the machine, and then set it off.

Carlisle pushed a strand of my hair out of my face. "That's my Esme, always caring for everyone."

"Somebody has to," I joked. He caressed my cheek gently.

"Four days," he whispered.

"Four days?" I questioned quietly.

"Until everything implodes. I'm scared, Esme, and I can't admit it to anyone else. Bella broke another rib earlier, that's two in a few hours, and there's nothing I can do to stop her breaking another one. There's nothing I can do to stop her getting hurt," he paused, shaking his head, "or dying," he finally finished in a voice barely above a whisper. "And in four days she will go into labour, and they'll be nothing I can do to help her. If she dies, our entire family could go with her. No doubt, Edward will. And if she's dead, the wolves most certainly won't be on our side anymore. I don't think Jacob Black, despite his current attitude towards us, will care who he takes down in his revenge if she dies. Everything –everyone- gone. You. My children." I embraced my husband tightly. It was not unexpected that everything should get to him, after all I knew how he hated to feel powerless. And there was so little he could do to help Bella.

"It's going to be OK. Carlisle, look at me, I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too. And we can get through this together, as a family." Gently, our lips came together.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Jacob was finally awake, and talking to Bella, Seth, and Edward. As he started to leave, Carlisle went to talk to him about hunting, none of the children had hunted in two weeks. I went to get the covered bowl of food I had prepared for him and Leah before flitting back into the room. I stopped just behind Carlisle, hesitantly holding the dish out to Jacob.

"Jacob, I know it's… unappetizing to you, the idea of eating here, where it smells so unpleasant. But I would feel much better if you take some food with you when you go. I know you can't go home, and that's because of us. Please – ease some of my remorse. Take something to eat," I pleaded. Reluctantly, he took the food off me, holding it at arm's length, as if he thought I'd poisoned it or something.

"Thank you, Jacob," I said with a smile.

"Um, thank you," he mumbled uncertainly.

"Will you come back, Jake?" Bella asked.

"Uh, I don't know."

"Please, I might get cold."

With a wince, Jacob said, "Maybe."

"Jacob?" I asked before he got a chance to leave. I followed him the few steps he had taken. "I left a basket of clothes on the porch. They're for Leah. They're freshly washed – I tried to touch them as little as possible." I frowned, remembering how difficult it had been. The clothes still smelled slightly like me, despite my best efforts. "Do you mind taking them to her?"

"On it," Jacob muttered, before ducking out the door as fast as possible.

I sighed. "At least I tried," I murmured to Carlisle.

"I know the feeling," he murmured back, his eyes on Bella. I reached out to take his hand comfortingly.

_Four days…_

* * *

**This chapter (and revelently quick update for me nowadays) is brought to you by the fact I live in a country which is brought to a halt by the tiniest bit of snow, which means no uni :)**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated. We meet Renesmee next chapter :)**


	102. Renesmee

2006

_Esme_

I was staring at the phone in Carlisle's hand in shock – wishing there was something we could do. Bella had gone into labour early. Now, without Carlisle there, Edward and Rosalie were trying to deliver the baby on their own.

As already panicked as I was, I still managed to be even more terrified when Carlisle's phone suddenly went dead.

Without a word, Carlisle sped the car up, to what had to be it's maximum speed. No explanation was necessary, we needed to get home as soon as possible.

_To find out if Bella is still alive…_

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The first sound I noticed when we pulled up outside the house was a heartbeat, going at an accelerated speed. Behind it, there was two more average heartbeats. But no screams, no shouts of pain, nothing I would associate with a person going through transformation.

The front door opened and Alice came out to meet us.

"How's Bella?" Carlisle asked anxiously.

"She's OK, she's upstairs" Alice told him. "And Esme, Renesmee is in the living room with Rosalie. I'm sure you'll want to meet her."

_Renesmee? The baby!_

We all disappeared into the house, with Alice and Carlisle heading upstairs. I followed the sound of that thumping heartbeat, which I assumed to be Renesmee's.

Rosalie was sat on the sofa with Emmett, a beautiful baby girl was sleeping in her arms. She looked up when I entered and smiled at me.

"This is Renesmee," she told me. "And this," she whispered to the baby in her arms, "is your Grandma Esme."

"Grandma?" I whispered to myself unbelievably. It had always been a wonderful blessing to have my adopted children, I had never even dared to dream that I could one day be a grandmother.

"Yep, Grandma. Makes you sound old," Emmett joked. I rolled my eyes, but was soon transfixed with awe again at the sleeping girl in Rosalie's arms.

I sat down beside Rosalie.

"Do you want to hold her?" Rosalie asked me. Speechlessly, I nodded. She gently passed Renesmee to me. It felt bizarre, to once again have the warm weight of a baby in my arms after so much time. I had long accepted that I never would again. But now, I had a granddaughter. I still couldn't wrap my head around that fully.

"She has Edward's hair," I whispered, smoothing it down gently.

"And Bella's eyes," Rosalie told me. "You'll see when she wakes up."

"How is Bella?" I asked.

"Edward managed to get her heart going again." The voice of Jacob surprised me. In my fascination at seeing Renesmee, I hadn't noticed he was still here.

_Come to think of it, why is he still here? If Bella's transforming he has no reason to stay anymore. In fact, why isn't he angry?_

"She's going to be OK," Alice announced. She sat on the sofa opposite us with Jasper. "The vision of her as a newborn gets clearer every second."

A silence fell over everyone, as we all stared at the baby girl in my arms.

Upstairs, I heard Carlisle tell Edward to go be with his daughter, that he would watch Bella.

A few seconds later, Edward was stood in front of me. Without him even having to ask, I passed him his daughter.

_His daughter!_

"My daughter!" he whispered unbelievably.

I stood up so he could sit down and went to stand by Jacob, who was stood against the wall, watching Edward and his daughter.

"If you're planning to stay would you like some food, Jacob?" I didn't know why he was still sticking around, but since it appeared that, despite the fact that was Bella was currently transforming, he was still on my family's side, I wasn't going to argue or ask.

"I … erm… I don't know if I can stay," Jacob said hesitantly, looking at Edward.

Edward was scrutinizing him.

"I need to talk to my family, Jacob. Why don't you go fill Leah and Seth on what has happened." Jacob didn't look particularly impressed by the idea, but he did as he was asked. Maybe it was just me, but he seemed to look at Renesmee wistfully, as if he didn't want to leave her.

"OK, what the hell is going on with the mutt?" Emmett asked as soon as he was gone.

"It's strange," Jasper said. "I usually only feel such strong emotions of mated pairs. To repeat Emmett's question, what the hell is going on?"

"It would appear," Edward began slowly. "That… Jacob's imprinted."

We had previously had the imprinting phenomenon explained to us by Edward during our alliance with the wolves – when he had been telling us what he heard in the pack mind.

_But I don't see how that's related… oh!_

"Edward," Rosalie said tensely. "Please tell me you're not trying to tell us that the filthy mutt is in love with your daughter."

"He's not in love yet, Rosalie," Edward said edgily.

"Yet," Rosalie spat and Edward grimaced. Clearly he wasn't too impressed by the idea. I didn't know how to feel. A part of me was, like Rosalie, was a little weirded-out by the idea, but I also couldn't help but realize that this meant that Jacob would get his happy ending too. And after all he had suffered through because of our family, surely he deserved that much?

"The imprinting phenomenon is hard to explain. At the moment, Jacob just wants to be there for Renesmee." I could see that Edward was trying to be impartial about the idea, but struggling.

"Well, then there's no reason he shouldn't be," I said gently.

"I can name a few," Rosalie snapped.

"After all Jacob has done for this family, we should at least try to accommodate for his happiness," I told her sternly.

Edward sighed. "I know, Esme. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it though."

_Fair enough._

Just then, Renesmee give a little yawn and her eyes flickered open. Rosalie was right, her wide chocolate brown eyes were just like Bella's, right down to the warmth and intelligence they projected.

"Hello, Renesmee," Edward whispered lovingly. "Your mother will be here with you in a few days, I promise," he told her. She smiled happily, as if she had understood his words.

"Is she thirsty?" Rosalie asked.

"I'll go get some blood," Emmett said. He kissed Rosalie's forehead gently before heading into the kitchen. I looked at my daughter. This had been what she wanted, except Renesmee would never be hers. I know Edward has accused her of hoping Bella died so that she could keep the baby to herself, but I truly believed that she had acted to support Bella – knowing what it was like to want a child, and knowing how bitter resentment and regret could make you. She had been trying to save Bella from suffering the same fate as her, just like she had at the vote as well.

"Thank you, Rosalie," Edward said quietly. Rosalie looked shocked for a moment, before regaining her composure.

"You're welcome," she finally said. I was glad she had refrained from saying anything inflammatory.

Emmett returned and Renesmee began drinking greedily from the bottle, quickly demolishing the rubber teat of the bottle. Edward laughed gently, and took the destroyed bottle out of hands.

"I think we may need to get her something a little sturdy for her to drink out off," I said with a laugh, taking the destroyed bottle of Edward and throwing it into the bin.

We heard footsteps coming towards the house then, followed by the sound of feet shuffling hesitantly, and then a knock on the door. The smell identified it as a werewolf, presumably Jacob.

_You should allow him in._

"Come in, Jacob," Edward called, but he didn't sound too impressed. Jacob walked in awkwardly.

Edward sighed. "I'm not particularly happy about this, but I understand this is something you can't control." The relief was clear on Jacob's face.

"Can… can I hold her?" he asked cautiously.

Rosalie glared and Edward seemed uncertain.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Forget I asked."

Renesmee begin stretching her arms out.

"What do you want, gorgeous?" Rosalie cooed, leaning towards her. Renesmee placed her hand on Rosalie's cheek, and Rosalie gasped.

"She's… she's showing me her thoughts," she muttered, amazed.

"What's she showing you?" I asked excitedly.

"Jacob," both Rosalie and Edward told me unhappily. Jacob smiled contentedly at this.

"She has a talent," Jasper pointed out unnecessarily.

"Indeed," the rest of us agreed.

"I'm going to take her for Carlisle to see," Edward announced. No doubt, he wanted to check on Bella as well.

"I'll come with you," I said softly.

Bella wasn't moving when we entered the room, if it wasn't for her strong heartbeat, I would have assumed she was dead. I had seen two transformations before and I knew this was wrong.

"It's the morphine," Edward said quietly. "I hope," he added darkly.

"You did a great job, Edward," Carlisle said encouragingly. But his eyes were on Renesmee.

"This," Edward said to her, "is your Grandad Carlisle." Renesmee stretched her arms out then, and, carefully, Edward passed Renesmee to Carlisle. I couldn't help but give a small giggle at how awkward it looked holding a baby, as though he was scared he could drop her, despite his vampire reflex.

I moved to stand next to my husband, still staring at the little miracle in his arms.

_Our granddaughter. _I still couldn't fully get my head round that idea.

He gasped similar to Rosalie when Renesmee placed her small hand on his cheek.

"What did she show you?" I whispered elatedly.

"Bella, Edward, Jacob, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, you, and me. Our entire family," he replied.

"We all love you very much," I whispered to her.

"She's amazing, Edward," Carlisle murmured quietly.

"And it's all because of Bella," Edward, who was now sat at Bella's side holding her hand, whispered.

"Who came up with the name Renesmee?" I asked curiously.

"Bella," Edward answered. "It's Renee and Esme put together." I couldn't help the bubbling up of emotion in me when he told me that.

"And her middle name's Carlie," Edward continued. "Carlisle and Charlie put together." I saw my husband smile when he heard that.

"She shouldn't be this quiet," Edward muttered frantically, still watching Bella.

"It's just the morphine," Carlisle reminded him gently.

"Perhaps we should leave you alone with your wife and daughter for awhile," I suggested to him gently.

Carlisle stood up and passed Renesmee back to Edward.

"My wife and daughter," he repeated incredulously. "I still can't believe it."

"I always told you that you would get happiness eventually," I reminded him with a smile and a hug.

"We're proud of you, son," Carlisle said softly.

Edward smiled at us both.

"Grandma and Granddad like to be soppy," he whispered jokingly to his daughter. As we all laughed, she joined in, causing us all to stare at her in amazement.

"She really is extraordinary," I whispered.

"Indeed, she is," Edward agreed.

* * *

**And so we have Renesmee. Only a few Breaking Dawn chapters left now (tbh I really don't want to drag it out too much) and then I think I'm going to do a post-Breaking Dawn epilogue. In other words, this story is nearly over. I truly can't believe it!**


	103. Vampire Meet and Greet II

**Finished this a couple of days ago and forgot to post it (oops!) - Merry Christmas from me :)**

_**Updated 11/08/11**_

* * *

2006

_Esme_

Bella had taken to vampire-life like a fish to water. In the three months since her transformation she had astounded us all with her self-control. She had been able to run away from a hiker while on a hunt, on her first day as a vampire no less, and had been able to see her dad again, who was now operating on a strict need-to-know basis. This had the added bonus of meaning we wouldn't have to move as soon since we were no longer hiding the truth about Bella from Charlie. I was happy that Charlie would not have to lose his daughter after all.

There was also the added surprise of Renesmee, a little blessing none of us could ever had seen coming.

All in all, everything seemed almost perfect amongst my family.

Edward was finally, truly, happy.

Jacob's imprinting on Renesmee, though it had caused some tension at the start (to the point were Bella had attacked him and injured Seth in the process), meant that the amnesty between us and the wolves was ended, the pack was bound to never hurt an imprint.

Now that Bella was a vampire, there was no need to worry about the Volturi coming after us. Bella planned to go to Volterra soon. Though Edward wasn't pleased with her going alone, he understand it had to be done. Aro couldn't read Bella's thoughts and therefore learn about Renesmee.

Things had turned out better than any of us had expected or could ever have imagined.

There was, however, one black cloud hanging over us: Renesmee's exhilarated growth. If she continued as she was she would have an incredibly short life-span and we had no idea if she was immortal or not.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a loud smash sounded through my house. I turned around to find Alice stood in shock. Her eyes were still slightly glazed over as though she was still lost in the future, but she was also staring at us. Glittering pieces of crystal shards surrounded her feet. She must have seen something terrible, but what? Just when everything was looking OK, what will my family face now?

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I stared blankly out the window of the airplane, but I wasn't seeing the sea below me or the clouds surrounding us. I was thinking over the last couple of days. Of the news that the Volturi were coming for us, because they thought Renesmee was a immortal child. On the word of our own cousin, no less. Irina had always been the most distant of the Denail coven, but I would never have expected this from her. Under the icy exterior I knew there was still a caring person.

_So why would she do this to us?_

Was it simply because of Laurent, because we had refused to allow the destruction of the werewolves? I knew that she must have been heart-broken by it, but didn't she know that Laurent had been trying to kill Bella. She was furious because her mate had been destroyed, that was completely understandable, but couldn't she see that at the time he had been trying to destroy Edward's mate.

And now, now the Volturi were coming for us because of her anger. To destroy our family. Our situation had gone from near-perfect to the bleakest it had ever been.

_So bleak that Alice and Jasper would leave._

I had to hold back a sob as I thought about that. I had never even considered the idea that they might ever desert us. It had seemed an impossibility. But now my cheerful, hyperactive daughter, who had cheered me up so many times over the decades, and my tortured but caring son, with their burning and ever-lasting love for each other, were gone. I couldn't help but think that they would only desert us if this was truly the end. Alice had told us to gather our friends to support us, but if she truly believed it could work, why would she run? I remembered the note she had left. The simple last statement she wrote. _We love you. _Had that been a goodbye or simply a reminder? I hoped that she had alternative plan to help us. But then why wouldn't she tell us? If she was trying to stop Aro from getting it from us via our thoughts, that suggested she wasn't planning on coming home before the Volturi arrived, and if that was true then how could she possibly be acting to help us?

"Esme?" Carlisle called my name softly. "You OK, dear?"

"Yes," I said with a forced smile. He looked at me sketically."No," I admitted. "I was just thinking about… the Volturi. And Alice. And our family. And… what if, what if…"

"What if this is truly the end of our family?" Carlisle finished for me softly.

"I shouldn't think like that, I know, but… Alice… leaving us." I shook my head and pushed my hair away from my face in agitation.

"If we know Alice, and we do, it wouldn't surprise us if she was putting into an action a plan to save us right now."

"But then why not tell us?" I sighed and Carlisle fell silent. We'd had this conversation so many times. We both wanted to think that Alice and Jasper hadn't just abandoned us, but we couldn't see what else they could possibly be planning.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Let me get this straight," Siobhan said. "The Volturi are coming to destroy your family because they think you've created a immortal child, but in fact it's a half-human child conceived between your son and his mate, who was then human?"

"Yes," Carlisle replied.

"I can't see how that's possible, but it is, apparently," Maggie backed us up.

"And you want us to come and fight for you?" Siobhan continued.

"Not fight. Just witness for," Carlisle corrected. "We have no desire for anyone to get hurt or killed on out account."

"But why do you need our support? If no rules have been broken, then the Volturi will have no reason to prosecute you," Liam said.

Carlisle hesitated before replying, "The Volturi may be using this as an … excuse to come after our family. If we have our own witnesses there, there will be an incentive for them to follow their own rules."

"I take it that means they have found out there is a coven as large and as talented as yours out there," Siobhan said grimly. She smiled slightly at the shocked looks on our faces from how quickly she had accessed the situation. "Even here in rural Ireland you hear stories."

"Do you really think your family has any chance against them?" Liam asked sharply.

"Yes," we both replied. But I saw little Maggie looking at us strangely, and I wondered how much I truly believed we could win.

"Will you support us?" I asked quietly.

"You're good and honest people, Maggie here will attest to that, while the Volturi is slowly becoming more corrupt over the centuries. Yes, we will support you," Siobhan answered.

"Thank you," we both replied gratefully.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"At least that's one coven we've got to support us," I said as we hunted. We were due to fly to Egypt tomorrow to try and get in contact with the coven there.

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed. "Though I was optimistic about the Irish coven…"

"The Egyptians not so much?" I finished for him. In all honesty, I couldn't blame him – they had hardly been welcoming the first time round, and I had never really liked Amun. Some of that was no doubt to do with his silent and obedient mate.

Suddenly, we both froze as the scent of vampire became clear on the wind.

"One of the Irish-" I began, but stopped and shook my head, realizing it was none of their scents. "But who then?" I continued. "They didn't mention any other vampires in the area."

"It's someone I know," Carlisle murmured. The scent did seem recognizable, but I couldn't place where from. A brief encounter obviously, since it did not seem to stand out in mine and Carlisle's memories. Of course, we had flawless memories, and while we couldn't forget, it sometimes took a while to place the right memory.

It was Carlisle who figured it our first. "Alistair?" he murmured unbelievingly.

"Carlisle," Alistair said as he walked out of the shadows. "I'm being drawn to you. Once more you need advice." He paused and then mumbled to himself, "Not that you listened last time."

"We weren't expecting to see you here, Alistair," Carlisle told him.

"When have you ever expected to see me?" he replied and Carlisle chuckled.

"True. We have… a problem with the Volturi."

"Then I'm afraid to say, my friend, that you are, to be blunt, done for. Very few people annoy the Volturi and survive to tell the tale."

"What if we were innocent of our supposed crime?"

"Very unlikely. But if I could think of any vampire I would actually believe that of, it's you, Carlisle. But I still don't see why I was pulled towards you, there's little I can do to help."

"We need witnesses," I told him. He turned his attention to me.

"Witnesses to testify for your innocence? I would, but I have been avoiding the Volturi for centuries now, why would I willingly but myself in their path?"

"Because your talent seems to be telling you to," Carlisle replied.

"It hasn't often been wrong," Alistair agreed. "I will go, but only as long as we feel right."

"Will you be able to get to America OK? We live in Washington state, by the way. Will you need any help?" I asked, unable to imagine this strange vampire being able to blend in on a Atlantic-crossing flight.

"Tell your pretty little mate she need not worry, I have my owns means of finding my way to where I'm meant to be." And with that final statement, he disappeared.

"To repeat what I said first time round, what a strange fellow," I said with a slight smile.

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed with a chuckle, "but at least he's agreed to testify for us."

"For now," I added.

"Help is help," Carlisle murmured. "And we-"

"Need all the help we can get," I finished for him sadly. After a short thoughtful silence, I added, "Oh dear God, we're becoming one of those couples who finish each others sentences."

Carlisle laughed and his face split into my favourite smile. It was not something I had seen recently. Not since Alice dropped that crystal vase.

"After over eighty years, I'd be worried if we couldn't," he murmured softly, while gently cupping my face. Without saying anything else, I kissed him. Another thing that happened after over eighty years was you didn't need to say 'I love you' for the other person to know it was true.

"We should be going to the airport," Carlisle murmured when our lips finally parted.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Amun looked at us suspiciously as we explained the situation to him.

"Let me get this straight," he began. "You want me to put my entire coven at risk to support yours." Both Carlisle and I were temporarily silenced by that. "No chance," he said briskly. "It was nice to see you again," he added. I wasn't sure if I imagined the sarcastic tone or not. He then stormed out the door, Kebi on his tail.

"Well, that went even worse than we thought it would," I muttered.

"Let's be honest, dear, we hardly had high expectations to begin with," Carlisle replied gently. Neither of us added 'but we had to try' but I knew we both thought it.

"Excuse me," said the man we had been introduced to as Amun's protégée, Benjamin. "I think I might be able to convince him to change his mind," he proclaimed confidently.

"How?" both Carlisle and I asked incredulously. Amun looked like a lost cause to us.

"He's very… protective of me. Annoyingly so." Benjamin rolled his eyes in over exaggerated exasperation. "Because of my talent. He doesn't want the Volturi to steal me," he said the last words mockingly.

"In all honesty, he has a point," Carlisle admitted. "We don't want anyone who helps us to lose someone."

"But surely if the Volturi are allowed to come after your coven, they'll come after ours soon enough?" Benjamin's mate, Tia, chipped in. "That's what this is really about – Aro wants your talented children. And if we allow him to get away with ripping apart your coven, what's to stop him from ripping apart other covens to get the ones he wants. Allowing him to get away with destroying your family just sets a precedent." She turned to face her mate. "Aro will find out about you eventually, and I can't lose you," she whispered tenderly. Benjamin stroked her arm comfortingly.

"I know, babe. We just have to go point that out to Amun, and then I think he might just have a change of heart."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Do you think it'll be enough?" I whispered softly to Carlisle. We were currently flying somewhere above the Atlantic ocean, on our way back home. We had done what we had set out to achieve, both the Irish and Egyptian (Benjamin had managed to persuade Amun in the end) covens had already gone ahead of us. We had stayed behind to in the vain hope of scouting out any European nomads but had been unsuccessful.

"I hope so," Carlisle replied gently. I snuggled further into my husband's embrace. It was that all we could do; hope.


	104. Showdown

**This chapter is based on Chapters 35, 36, and 37 of Breaking Dawn, which, of course, belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Some of the dialogue and actions in this chapter are taken from these chapters and the writing does not belong to me. As always, neither do the characters.**

_**Updated 04/04/11.**_

* * *

2006

_Carlisle_

Alice had been telling the truth. It was the entire Volturi that was currently moving towards us. They moved together, their movements smooth and co-ordinated. As always with the Volturi, they were putting on a show. A show of strength - to try and imitdiate us, and show us who were the ones in charge. There was no signal – for the members of the Volturi guard were too well trained to require such things - for the grey-cloaked members to separate, allowing the darker-hooded figures to surge forward in the centre. Their action were slow and calm, they knew that they were not the ones in danger here. They had confidence that there would be only one victor today and that it would be then. It was hard not to agree with them. We were still out-numbered. Nineteen vampires had agreed to fight, while seven more had said they would be witnesses only. I could not hold this against them. I had never asked – and never would ask – anyone to risk their lives for us. Those who had proclaimed that they would had done so freely and were more than able to change their mind should it come down to a fight. I couldn't help but hope it wouldn't, even though I knew deep down it was all but unavoidable. Ten wolves would also stamd with us – bound by their own laws to protect Nessie.

"The redcoats are coming, the redcoats are coming, " I heard Garrett mutter mysteriously to himself and then he chuckled once. He was one of the nomads Rosalie and Emmett had found in America – they same Nomad I had once reaffixed a broken limb too. He had insisted this was him paying his dues, even though I had told him it was not necessary. He was living up to what I had once told Esme he was: an 'interesting chap.' Cheerful and curious, he had gone on a vegitarian hunt with Kate, with whom he was becoming very close. Tanya had even joked that her sister may had found her mate at last. I hoped it was true, and that they both made it through the day alive to be together if it was.

"They did come, " Vladimir whispered to Stefan.

"The wives, " Stefan hissed back. "The entire guard. All of them together. It's well we didn't try Volterra. " It had been a surprise for us all when the Romanians had showed up on our doorstep. Though I had never met them before, I had heard of them during my time in Volterra. They were the remains of the family that had ruled vampires millenias ago before the Volturi defeated them. Though I hadn't been certain their presence was wise, as the sight of them was sure to antaganise the Volturi. There was no doubt the Romanians would have loved nothing more than a fight against the Vollturi, the very last thing I wanted. But we were in no position to turn people away, we needed all the support we could get. Even dubious support like the Romanians.

As the Volturi continued their slow advance, more vampires became visible behind them. These vampires were clearly not members of the Volturi. While the well-trained members of the guard showed no emotions, the shock and anxiety of the faces of these vampires was clear to see. But once the shock disappeared I could see anger and hatred. They were an angry mob, here to see the Volturi met out justice to those who had dared to bring an immortal child into our world. I could not blame them for their hatred, not now when they only knew what the Volturi had told them. There was a reason why immortal children were banned. Most vampires had heard at least one horror story. Entire covens wiped out because they defended the child despite its crime. No one in the vampire community wanted that. Their job was to be the Volturi's witnesses. To tell the vampire community that rightly feared the threat of an immortal child that justice had been done by the Volturi and the violators of the rule were dead, and rightly so. If only we could get a chance to explain that Renesmee was not an immortal child, perhaps we could get that hatred to die out. It would be harder for the Volturi to execuete us without due cause, especially in front of so many witnesses.

_But will we get the chance to explain? Or will they see Nessie at face-value and attack without question? If they do that we have no hope._

I had promised myself I would be optimistic, depsite the circumstances. Just like when, just over a year ago, I had fought the newborns alongisde my family in this very clearing, and I had tried to tell myself that I need not worry. That my family would be safe. That I would see my wife and children again. And in this case, my beloved granddaughter as well. But now, looking out at the hordes of Volturi members and their witnesses, it was hard not to feel a little bit hopeless. Though nobody said anything, I could feel the despair in the air, as my companions came to the same conclusion that I had.

Automatically, I nearly reached my hand out to take Esme's, as I always did in times of despair or worry, or when either of us needed comforting. But I reminded myself she was not beside me, and though a small part of me wished she was, I was overall relived she was not on the front line. If it came to a fight, which it was increasingly looking like it would, those of us on the front line would die first. I had already excepted they would not try to spare me. They came not just to punish but to acquire. They wanted my talented children, but not me. They would think it easier to tear our family apart with me - their leader - dead. But I hoped that, somehow, Esme might be able to survive. How that would be possible I did not know – but I still hoped for it. The thought still struck through me like a knife, the idea of her trying to live on without me. The pain and suffering she would go through. The effects of losing a mate were clear from Marcus' pitiful tale – would I really wish that life upon my beloved wife? But I could never say that I would prefer for her to die with me. The idea of Esme's light gone from the world was unimaginable to me. How could they ever be a world where Esme's sweet smile and merry laugh no longer existed. Where she no longer squealed with delight at the sight of a broken down house or where her slender hands were no longer there to transfer the beauty of the world around her onto paper in a way I never could. Somehow, a world without me seemed feasible, but a world without Esme was unthinkable. I suppose she would say it was the other way round. I tried to imagine what she would feel if it was the other way round. If it was Esme on the front line facing an almost certain death. Would she want me to move on if she had died or die alongisde her? I knew that answer almost instantly, She would never want me to sacrifice my own life. She would want me to continue on without her – to look after and care for our children and granddaughter. I just hoped she would realize that I would want the same thing.

I saw Irina as she hesitated in between the guard and the witnesses , her horrified gaze was locked on Tanya's position beside me in the front line.

Edward snarled, a very low but fervent sound. "Alistair was right, " he murmured to me. I glanced at him questioningly.

"Alistair was right?" Tanya whispered.

"They - Caius and Aro - come to destroy and acquire, " Edward breathed almost silently back; only our side could hear. He was only confirming what we had long expected. They would kill those they didn't want and force those they did to join them. He continued to explain the Volturi's thoughts.

"We could still attempt to defend against their other contrived charges, but first they have to stop, to hear the truth about Renesmee. Which they have no intention of doing." His voice hardened as he said the last line. Not that I blamed him for being bitter about the entire situation. He had waited so long for his happiness only for him to have to fight so desperatedly for it – one thing after another. And though he didn't say it, I knew he felt guitly that our entire family had been dragged into what he saw as his mess. Though we were all more than willing to fight to protect Renesmee, that didn't stop him from blaming himself. That by searching for his happiness, he might have ruined ours. I had tried my best to persuade him this wasn't true, but I wasn't certain I had got through to him.

Behind us, there was a low huff at Edward's word. It sounded like it had come from one of the wolves.

We had long expected that this would the Volturi's attitude, but it was still another blow. If they were not even willing to listen, surely then, this was the final, damning proof that the Volturi no longer stood for justice.

Suddenly, the Volturi proccession halted. They stood silent and still, their faces emotionless.

The sound of large hearts beating behind me explained what had stopped the Volturi advance. I soon realized I could hear more heartbeats than ten. I quickly counted seventeen total. There must have been an explosion of the werewolf population, no doubt due to the presence of so many vampires nearby. There could be no denying now that they were right and it was the presense of vampires that caused the change. It was all our fault. Children were risking their lives because of us. I felt sick to the stomach at the thought. I resisted the temptation to turn around and look at our allies as they joined us, instead concetrating on the front members of the Volturi that stood just a hundred yards aways from me. Most of the guard's faces were still shadowed, but in the centre I recognized Aro, Caius, and Marcus. They held hands and were obviously communicating, though I doubted Marcus was partaking much in the conversation. The rest of the Volturi would wait for their order. It would be a order to kill. no doubt. Once more hopelessness swamped me. They would not pause for an explanation, we had been foolish to ever think they would.

Behind me, someone snarled. It was close by and it sounded like it had been Bella. I could not blame her. The Volturi had come to destory all she held dear. Her husband, her daughter, her family, and her friends. Her snarl was echoed by a couple of the others. This show of strength motivated me. Bella was making it very clear she would fight for her family. I had to do the same.

Aro looked disappointed as his eyes repeatedly scanned our entire group. He was no doubt looking for Alice and I felt almost smug at the thought that he would not get the satisifcation of collecting her too.

A long silence strectched as no one on either side moved or spoke, until I heard Edward's breath speed.

"Edward?" I asked, low and anxious. I needed to know what was going on in the Volturi's mind. Their procession temporarily stopped, this could be the only chance I had to try and get them to listen as we so desperatedly needed them too.

"They're not sure how to proceed," Edward told me. That was good. It meant they were worried, which meant they wouldn't launch an attack yet. There might be a chance we could this without violence yet. Without anyone dying.

"They're weighing options, choosing key targets: me - of course, you, Eleazar, Tanya." _So much for my hopes of no violence._

"Marcus is reading the strength of our ties to each other, looking for weak points. The Romanians' presence irritates them. They're worried about the faces they don't recognize - Zafrina and Senna in particular - and the wolves, naturally. They've never been outnumbered before. That's what stopped them. "

"Outnumbered?" Tanya whispered incredulously. As I looked at the expense of vampires spread before us I couldn't help but agree with her disbelief. _How could they possibly consider themselves outnumbered_?"

"They don't count their witnesses, " Edward breathed. "They are nonentities, meaningless to the guard. Aro just enjoys an audience. "

"Should I speak?" I asked.

Edward hesitated, then nodded. "This is the only chance you'll get. "

I squared my shoulders and paced several steps ahead of our front line. I spread my arms, holding my palms up as if in greeting.

"Aro, my old friend. It's been centuries. " It would do no good to be openly hostile. Better to remind Aro we had once been friends. Indeed, as strange as it seemed to me now, he had been my only friend in Volterra. A deathly silence followed as Aro considered my words. I couldn't help but feel exposed as I stood in the no-man's land between my family and friends and the Volturi. It was an extraordaniarily uncomfortable feeling. I was certain if I had still be human, my heart would have been beating like mad due to the combination of adrenaline and nerves. This was the deciding moment. If the Volturi would not listen then this would be the end. I tried not to think about that. I didn't want to imagine the many horrfic ways this could end.

And then Aro stepped forward out of the center of the Volturi formation, along with his shield, Renata. I felt even more exposed as the guard reacted to this development. Their grumbles and scowls showed they were less than happy about it, but it was the ones who had leaned forward into a crouch that truly worried me. It was a clear warning. One false move and I would be no more.

"Peace. " He walked just a few paces more, then cocked his head to one side, curious.

"Fair words, Carlisle. They seem out of place, considering the army you've assembled to kill me, and to kill my dear ones. " I shook my head at this acquisation, but it was more for the benefit of those watching than him. For surely he knew my intention would never be to kill. He had been inside my head more than once. Or was he was so obsessed with power he thought everyone else was too?

Despite there still being a gap between us I stretched my right hand forward in invitation.

"You have but to touch my hand to know that was never my intent. " Aro's shrewd eyes narrowed.

"But how can your intent possibly matter, dear Carlisle, in the face of what you have done?" He frowned, and a shadow of sadness crossed his features. I couldn't help but wonder if it was genuine or not.

"I have not committed the crime you are here to punish me for. " _If I had, surely he would know that I would not be willing to welcome him into my thoughts. _

"Then step aside and let us punish those responsible. Truly, Carlisle, nothing would please me more than to preserve your life today. " _Then why are you here? _I knew if Aro was to read my thoughts he would hear all these questions in my mind and yet I half-hoped he would. Maybe it would force him to reconsider his own motives. The greed of his actions. For I believed that behind the centuries of power, was the man who was simply curious. The man who showed sympathy to an oddity.

"No one has broken the law, Aro. Let me explain. " Again, I offered my hand. Before Aro could answer, Caius drifted swiftly forward to his side.

"So many pointless rules, so many unnecessary laws you create for yourself, Carlisle, "he hissed. I couldn't even force myself to care aboiut his ranting – he had made his position on my lifestlye very clear on many occasions. It wasn't important now. We were not being sort after because of our lifestyle, but because of our size and talents

"How is it possible that you defend the breaking of one that truly matters?"

"The law is not broken. If you would listen-"

"We see the child, Carlisle, " Caius snarled. "Do not treat us as fools. "

"She is not an immortal. She is not a vampire. I can easily prove this with just a few moments-"

Caius cut me off. "If she is not one of the forbidden, then why have you massed a battalion to protect her?"

"Witnesses, Caius, just as you have brought. " I gestured to the angry horde at the edge of the woods; some of them growled in response. I tried to ignore them, but I knew that their opinion could matter. If we could sway the belief of their witnesses, then the Volturi would be forced to act according to their own rules. "Any one of these friends can tell you the truth about the child. Or you could just look at her, Caius. See the flush of human blood in her cheeks. "

"Artifice!" Caius snapped. "Where is the informer? Let her come forward!" He craned his neck around until he spotted Irina lingering behind the wives. "You! Come!" Irina stared at him uncomprehendingly. Impatiently, Caius snapped his fingers. She did not move until one of the wives' bodyguards prodded her roughly and then she walked slowly toward Caius in a daze. She stopped short of him. Her eyes never left her sisters on our front line. Caius closed the distance between them and slapped her across the face. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could the Volturi - who had always proclaimed to stand for peace, civilisation, and culture - feel this was an honorable way to treat anyone? It was just such a terribly degrading act to do to someone. How did they accept their witness to leave talking about the decency and honestly of the Volturi when this was the way they treated their own witness.

Tanya and Kate hissed in synchronization. Irina finally focused on Cauis who pointed imperiously over at Renesmee. He demanded that he confirm she was the immortal child she had seen, but when Irina looked at Renesmee who face clouded with confusion. She had seen the truth and recognized she had made a mistake.

_Surely now she will retract what she said and the Volturi will have no evidence with which to convict us._

Hope dared once more to spring up inside me.

"I... I'm not sure, " she said, her tone perplexed. Caius's hand twitched as if he wanted to slap her again.

"What do you mean?" he said in a steely whisper.

"She's not the same, but I think it's the same child. What I mean is, she's changed. This child is bigger than the one I saw, but-" Caius's furious gasp crackled through his suddenly bared teeth, and Irina broke off without finishing.

Aro flitted to Caius's side and put a restraining hand on his shoulder, warning his brother to stay calm. Then he sweetly encouraged Irina to give him her hand, gaining all he needed in under five seconds. After once more chiming his brother calmly, he turned his attention back to me. However, I didn't miss the way he glanced at his witnesses out of the corner of his eye. I could only assume he was beginning to realize how – now that he surely knew his accusations were false – their presence could make it harder to carry out his true reason here.

_When did I get so sceptical?_ I knew what I had thought was the truth though. Maybe sceptism was good though, that once I had been too naïve.

"And so we have a mystery on our hands, it seems. It would appear the child has grown. Yet Irina's first memory was clearly that of an immortal child. Curious. " He hadn't needed to say the word for me to know that he now was.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to explain, " I said, relieved. Now that Renesmee had caught the attention of Aro's insatiable curiousity he would be more than willing to listen to our explanation. This is what we had hoped for. What we had so desperately needed and yet thought was so improbable to happen. I held out my hand again. Aro hesitated for a moment.

"I would rather have the explanation from someone more central to the story, my friend. Am I wrong to assume that this breach was not of your making?"

"There was no breach," I corrected. I knew he was still trying to paly with the witnesses' mind. Re-enforce the idea that a law had been broken.

Aro demanded to hear Edward's thoughts instead. Though we would all have preferred to keep Aro away from Edward's thoughts - as this gave him access to everyone's thoughts (except Bella's) - if this was what it would take from him to listen to our explanation we would just have to accept it. I don't know if he was acting on his own decision or mine, but Edward turned to quickly kiss Bella's forehead and then Renesmee's. Then he strode across the snowy field, clapping me on the shoulder as he passed. That one motion brought me great comfort and I'm sure my son caught the flare of paternal love that sprug into my thoughts. In happier times he would have rolled his eyes and teased me for it, but I thought I saw an almost grateful smile grace his lips for a second, before returning to their neutral look.

But as Edward walked past me and towards Aro, any relief that had been brought on by his presence disappeared. A low, terrified whimper I instantly recognized as my wife's reflected my own feelings. Taking my eyes of Edward and Aro for a second, I found Esme. She was stood of to the side amongst the witnesses beside Carmen. For just a second our eyes met and I tried to send her as many messages as I could in such a short space of time. That I loved her. That I would always be thankful for her for the light she had brought to my life and for giving me our family, for I had no doubt in my mind that it had been Esme who had made us a family instead of just another coven.

Though I didn't want to look away from my wife, I focused my attention back on Edward, who was now nearer to the Volturi than to our front line. From the corner of eye, I saw Jane smile at him in that sweet, sadistic way she had perfected. The sight made me truly angry for the first time since the Volturi had arrived. For she was a reminder of everything that was wrong with the Volturi (indeed I'd heard people say the Volturi had been heading in the wrong direction ever since her and Alec joined.) She would enjoy this fight and think nothing of destroying us all, and the sight of her reminded me that the rest of the Volturi felt the same, even Aro. This had been about defence from an opposed threat and gain for them, never justice.

Somewhere in our lines, someone laughed, though I had no idea what could be funny right now.

Edward's chin came up arrogantly, and he held himself proudly as he held his hand out to Aro

_Don't anger them, son_, I warned. Aro seemed amused with his attitude but the other members of the guard had no qualms about showing their annoyance. Aro closed the distance happily and, with an untroubled smile, he took Edward's hand. His eyes snapped shut at once, and then his shoulders hunched under the onslaught of information. Everything was his now. Every moment Edward had witnessed since him and Aro had last met in Volterra he now knew. Every moment between Bella and Edward. Every moment he had shared with our family. And more recently, all the thoughts of everyone involved in our side. I prayed their was nothing incriminating in there, which Edward had heard by accident from within the deepest recesses of our friends and witnesses' minds.

Behind me, someone hissed and then I heard Zafrina whisper, "Easy, Bella. " I could only assume she had realized the same thing I had. Everything Edward and her had ever shared now belonged to Aro as well.

As a long silence contined, Aro was still concentrating on Edward's memories and Edward was no doubt reading Aro's reaction to his memories, the guard grew uneasy to the point where Caius had to bark a sharp order for silence.

Suddenly, Aro straightened up, his eyes flashing open, their expression awed and wary. He did not release Edward's hand. Edward's muscles loosened ever so slightly.

"You see?" Edward asked, his velvet voice calm.

"Yes, I see, indeed, " Aro agreed, and he sounded almost amused. This did not surprise me. Aro often came across like a over-grown child in a candy shop. It had amused me when I had first met him, but I had soon realized how terrifying it could be in combination with the power he wielded.

"You have given me much to ponder, young friend, " Aro continued. "Much more than I expected. " He still had Edward's hands and Edward was focusing heavily on his words (and his thoughts I felt safe to assume.))

"May I meet her?" Aro's request almost sounded like a plea, though he had to know we were in no position to say no. He couldn't hide his eagerness. _Like a child in a candy shop again._

"I never dreamed of the existence of such a thing in all my centuries. What an addition to our histories!"

"What is this about, Aro?" Caius snapped before Edward could answer.

"Something you've never dreamed of, my practical friend. Take a moment to ponder, for the justice we intended to deliver no longer applies. " Caius hissed in surprise at his words, but I couldn't help but wonder if there was double meaning behind 'ponder.' After all, Edward had said that if they thought they couldn't find a reason to charge us with the crime of an immortal child, they would find something else. We had all hoped Aro would listen, but would they manage to find a different reason to attack instead? To kill and to take – as had already been confirmed was their true desires, much to my distaste.

"Peace, brother, " Aro cautioned soothingly.

"Will you introduce me to your daughter?" Aro asked Edward again. Caius and several others hissed at this and I realized this was the first time anyone had referred to Nessie as Bella and Edward's daughter. Of course, this new revelation made the Volturi uncomfortable. She was unknown. I stopped my thoughts there, acutely aware that Aro still had his hand on Edward's shoulder.

Edward nodded reluctantly.

Our only hope now was that Renessmee could charm Aro the way she had all the others. For if Aro forbid it, the others would not act. I hoped I was not putting too much faith in the idea that my old (and was it now former?) friend could still act with kindness.

"I think a compromise on this one point is certainly acceptable, under the circumstance. We will meet in the middle," Aro announced in reaction to something Edward had thought, and then he released Edward's hand. Edward turned back toward Bella and Nessie and Aro joined him, throwing one arm casually over Edward's shoulder so at to maintain contact with Edward's skin. As they began to head back towards us, the guard followed until Aro waved them back. They began to cross the field back to our side. The entire guard fell into step behind them. Aro raised a hand negligently without looking at them and only Renata followed anxiously, joined by Felix and Demetri at Edward's suggestion that Aro should bring a few guard members to make them comfortable.

The five of them stopped in the middle of the snowy field.

"Bella, " Edward called. "Bring Renesmee... And a few friends. "

"Jacob? Emmett?" she asked quietly. Both nodded. Emmett grinned happily, no doubt why Bella had picked him. Bella crossed the field with them flanking her. There was another rumble from the guard as they saw her choices. I imagined it would be Jacob who caused the greatest offence. Aro lifted his hand, waving away their protest again.

Demetri mocked Edward for Bella's choices, and while Edward ignored them, Jacob growled in response. When the group, stopped a few yards away from Aro, Edward took the chance to escape Aro's graps and join his wife, taking her hand.

Felix was the first to speak, teasing Bella quite comfortably.

"Thanks so much.," Bella replied, trying to project the same ease he did.

"You're welcome. It's too bad . . . " He let his comment trail off into silence, but everyone knew what he was going to say. 'It's too bad I'm about to kill you, your friends, and family.'

"Yes, too bad, isn't it?" Bella murmured. Felix winked. Aro paid no attention to their exchange. He leaned his head to one side, fascinated, studying first Renesmee and then Bella. He exchanged pleasantries with Bella, as if this was just a friendly catch-up and not something all more sinister.

"May I greet your daughter, lovely Bella?" he asked sweetly.

Though I knew this was what we needed, I almost wanted to shout at Bella to keep Aro away from him. I had to supress a shudder at the thought of withered papery hands touching my precious granddaughter.

"But she's exquisite, " he murmured. "So like you and Edward. " And then louder, "Hello, Renesmee. " Renesmee looked at Bella quickly. who nodded.

"Hello, Aro, " she answered formally in her high, ringing voice. Aro's eyes were bemused.

"What is it?" Caius hissed from behind. He seemed infuriated by the need to ask.

"Half mortal, half immortal, " Aro announced to him and the rest of the guard without turning his enthralled gaze from Renesmee. "Conceived so, and carried by this newborn while she was still human. "

"Impossible, " Caius scoffed.

"Do you think they've fooled me, then, brother?" Aro looked nothing more than greatly amused, but Caius flinched as if he had been scolded. He had never appreciated the times when it appeared that Aro was pulling rank on him. Though in theory the three brothers were supposed to be equals, anyone who had been around them for any period of time knew that Aro was the de facto leader. Which was probably for the best given Caius' sadistic streak. Cauis just didn't like being reminded about it.

"Is the heartbeat you hear a trickery as well?" Caius' scowl only deepened at Aro's continued his gentle questions. He was being put in his place and everyone knew it.

"Calmly and carefully, brother, " Aro cautioned, still smiling at Renesmee. "I know well how you love your justice, but there is no justice in acting against this unique little one for her parentage. And so much to learn, so much to learn! I know you don't have my enthusiasm for collecting histories, but be tolerant with me, brother, as I add a chapter that stuns me with its improbability. We came expecting only justice and the sadness of false friends, but look what we have gained instead! A new, bright knowledge of ourselves, our possibilities. "

Aro's smile only widen as Renesmee leaned out of Bella's arm and touched her fingertips to his face. Unlike everyone else he had known what to expect and moreover he was used to seeing people's thoughts – this was just a sightly different method for him. I realized this method meant Aro was only seeing what Renesmee wanted him to see, and I was almost certain she would have done that on purpose, given the intellectual young child we all knew she was. That was why we here, after all, to protect a child unlike any other before her. A girl who was the epitome of unique and special.

"Brilliant, " Aro whispered. Renesmee relaxed back into Bella's arms.

"Please?" she asked him. His smile turned gentle.

"Of course I have no desire to harm your loved ones, precious Renesmee. " Though Aro's voice sounded genuinely affectionate, an outraged hiss behind me proved it was just a lie. It was Maggie, warning us all not to be bought by his comforting words. I had no doubt Edward was struggling to control his temper as well.

"I wonder, " Aro said thoughtfully. He was continuing on to with whatever his next train of thought was without giving a second thought to the fact that we knew his last words had been a lie. He was confindent enough to know it didn't matter, and I couldn't help but agreed with him. He was only confirming what we had already known, and, courtesy of Edward's memories, he knew this perfectly well. The pretence was only for the witness' sake not ours.

His eyes were on Jacob now, stood as close to Bella and Renesmee as possible. At first I had thought he was going to try and use our alliance as an excuse for an attack, but his eyes were not calculated nor disgusted like Cauis', but longing. I had seen that look before, had imagined him using it to admire Alice and Edward when they had been in Volterra. _But surely he can't want to collect the wolves?_

"It doesn't work that way, " Edward said harshly. The forced neutrality was gone from his voice.

_Careful, son. It does us no good to be openly hostile before they are._

"Just an errant thought, " Aro said, turning his attention to behind me, where all the other wolves were.

"They don't belong to us, Aro. They don't follow our commands that way. They're here because they want to be," Edward explained. His voice was calm once more and I hoped that meant he had heard my mental warning.

Jacob growled at Aro menacingly. _How could Aro ever think the wolves would possibly join him?_

"They seem quite attached to you, though, " Aro said. "And your young mate and your... Family. Loyal. "

"They're committed to protecting human life, Aro. That makes them able to coexist with us, but hardly with you. Unless you're rethinking your lifestyle. " Edward couldn't hide the sarcasm in his voice on the last line and I didn't blame him for it. Aro just laughed merrily. _No, he will never change. I was naïve to ever try._

"Just an errant thought, " he repeated. "You well know how that is. We none of us can entirely control our subconscious desires. "

Edward grimaced. "I do know how that is. And I also know the difference between that kind of thought and the kind with a purpose behind it. It could never work, Aro. " Jacob whined faintly in Edward's direction and it was obvious he was asking for an explaination.

"He's intrigued with the idea of... Guard dogs, " Edward murmured back. After a second of stunned silence, the entire pack showed their displeasure with this idea, as furious snarls filled the air. A bark of command silenced them, but they had no doubt made it very clear to Aro how they felt about him and his idea.

"I suppose that answers that question, " Aro said, laughing again. "This lot has picked its side. " Edward hissed and leaned forward but Bella clutched at his arm. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Felix and Dementi slip into offensive crouches.

_Careful, son, _I warned again. But his reaction had me worried for whole different reason. What was Aro planning now that would upset Edward so violently? Despite the truth presented to him, he still obviously hadn't given up hope of finding a new excuse and getting what he came from. It sounded synical of me but I also knew it was true. There could be no fighting that fact anymore.

Aro waved Felix and Demntri, and Edward seemed to have realized his mistake, and they all returned to their former posture.

"So much to discuss, " Aro said, his tone business-like. He had dropped the cheerful manner, that meant we were getting near the deciding moment. "So much to decide. If you and your furry protector will excuse me, my dear Cullens, I must confer with my brothers. "

Rather than rejoin his guard, Aro waved them forward.

Edward started backing up immediately, pulling Bella and Emmett along with him. Jacob retreated slowest Renesmee grabbed the end of his tail, forcing him to stay with them. They reached us at the same time that the dark cloaks surrounded Aro again. Now there were only fifty yards between them and us. This changed the atmosphere once more, now they were close enough to attack within seconds given the signal.

Caius began arguing with Aro at once. "How can you abide this infamy? Why do we stand here impotently in the face of such an outrageous crime, covered by such a ridiculous deception?"

"Because it's all true, " Aro told him calmly. "Every word of it. See how many witnesses stand ready to give evidence that they have seen this miraculous child grow and mature in just the short time they've known her. That they have felt the warmth of the blood that pulses in her veins. "

As Aro gestured to our array of witnesses, Cauis' anger seemed to drain from him. I was replaced by an expression that made him look almost nervous - which was not an expression I had ever seen on his face before. He was realizing that they had brought along extra witnesses who could now also attest to our innocence, since Aro himself had said we were not guilty. His expression, however, quickly turned thoughtful once more, worrying me. If I had to guess I would say he was already thinking about a way around our innocence. Another crime the Volturi could convict of us instead.

With the others retreat I realized that I was once again the furthest forward, and I shifted to the side and just a little backwards, closer to Tanya. I was still in front of everyone, but still nearer to them. It felt comforting somehow.

All of us - my faimly and our friends and witnesses, and the Volturi and their guard and witnesses alike - watched, shock still, as Caius continued to silently deliberate.

"The werewolves, " he murmured at last.

"Ah, brother... , " Aro answered Caius's statement with a pained look. Caius had never gotten over that one werewolf that had nearly defeated him. But that had been a Child of the Moon, not a Quielete. _Not that it'll make much difference to him._

"Will you defend that alliance, too, Aro?" Caius demanded, before having one of his rants about The Children of the Moon, and managing to throw in a dig at my lifestlye for good measure. Aro almost looked embarrassed at his brother's behaviour. No doubt because he was currently clutching at straws and we all knew it. How could he call out our alliance when just minutes earlier Aro had been openly expressioning his own desire to form a similar one?

"Caius, it's the middle of the day, " Edward pointed out. He gestured to Jacob. "These are not Children of the Moon, clearly. They bear no relation to your enemies on the other side of the world. "

"You breed mutants here, " Caius spit back at him.

Edward's anger was obvious once more, but when he spoke he answered evenly, for which I was proud of him.

"They aren't even werewolves. Aro can tell you all about it if you don't believe me. " I had shared with Edward the theory I had about the werewolves, based on their shifting patterns, pack minds, the genetic nature of the ability to shift, and the DNA sample I had taken from Jacob – that the Quieletes were shapeshifters rather than true werewolves like the Children of the Moon.

When Aro confirmed that Edward was right, Caius choose to glare at him instead of us for a short while.

"They know our secret, " he said flatly.

"They are creatures of our supernatural world, brother. Perhaps even more dependent upon secrecy than we are; they can hardly expose us. Carefully, Caius. Specious allegations get us nowhere. " Caius took a deep breath and nodded. They exchanged a long, significant glance. Aro was right; with so many witnesses watching such speculation only helped to expose their true reason for being here. As the conversation continued, I realized I had without a doubt given up hope that the Volturi had come here merely because they believed we had committed a crime, though in all honesty I had long agreed with that theory, even if I didn't wish too.

"I want to talk to the informant, " Caius announced abruptly, and turned his glare on Irina. Irina's eyes were locked on her sister's again, the agony clear on her face. She knew now that her accusation had been false and that now her sisters could die because of her. As he interrogated her aggressively, she seemed to be trying to shrink in size.

When she turned her miserable eyes to look at me and despite everything she had done I pitied her. She had lost so much.

"So the Cullens sided with the shape-shifters against our own kind-against the friend of a friend, even, " Caius summarized Irina's explanation for her actions in a twisted way. Behind me, Edward made a disgusted sound. I didn't need his talent to know what Caius was doing; he was still looking for an accusation to stick to us, and Edward would be able to hear every word as he considered all the possibilities, though there was no real crime. I didn't blame Edward for being disgusted, I was too, though it was no less than I had come to expect from Caius.

Irina's shoulders stiffened, she knew her words were being twisted too.

"That's how I saw it. "

Caius waited again and then prompted, "If you'd like to make a formal complaint against the shape-shifters-and the Cullens for supporting their actions-now would be the time. " He smiled a tiny cruel smile. If he thought she would give him another excuse to us against us, I was certain she wouldn't. I knew how difficult the decision to turn us in to the Volturi must have been for Irina. She had only done it because the grief she felt for the loss of mother and the fear instilled in her that day was greater than everything else for her. Tanya had once told me she felt Irina had been the worst effected, being the youngest member of their coven at the time. She had just become happy with her life as a vampire when the Volturi came, and when they swiftly and devastingly took away everything she had just grown to love she had turned into the person she still was today. That was why she was so cold and untrusting on strnagers. I still to this day did not know how Laurent had gotten through her walls and I guessed I never would. But, despite everything, she still saw herself as part of a family. Now she realized her mistake, she would not alllow herself to be used to start a fight against us, not with her own sisters in the front line. Her jaw jerked up stubbornly and she squared her shoulders, proving me right.

"No, I have no complaint against the wolves, or the Cullens. You came here today to destroy an immortal child. No immortal child exists. This was my mistake, and I take full responsibility for it. But the Cullens are innocent, and you have no reason to still be here." She turned to us and apologised. It was easy to forgive her, especially as now she had realized her mistake she was doing her best to reticfy it, going as far as to tell the Volturi witnesses that there had been no crime.

When Caius raised his hand, and I saw the glint of metal – that I had quickly learned to despise the sight of when I had lived in Volturi - I recgonized the signal, and with despair I realized what would happen to Irina. I also knew I was powerless to try and stop it unless I wanted to plunge our entire family into a fight we could not win. At least it was over quickly. Within seconds, Irina was nothing more than a blazing fire, Caius still feeding it from the metal object in his hand. I had never discovered what that object was called but I despised it with a passion – for obvious reasons. A small clicking sound signaled the end of the fire shooting from Cauis' hand and I had to resist the urge to sigh with relief.

Caius smiled coldly. "Now she has taken full responsibility for her actions. " His eyes flashed to our front line, touching swiftly on Tanya's and Kate's frozen forms.

He had kniown exactly what he was doing. He was trying to trigger us into starting this fight so that they had an excuse to finish it.

"Stop them!" Edward cried out as he grabbed hold of Tanya's arm as she lurched forward toward the smiling Caius with a maddened cry of pure rage. With Edward holding her back, I was able to lock my arms around her waist to stop her.

"It's too late to help her, " I reasoned with her urgently as she struggled. "Don't give him what he wants!"

I heard Rosalie shout in pain, and –still holding tightly onto Tanya- I turned around in time to see Emmett throw Kate down before falling down himself as she shocked him. She quickly stood up again and I realized no one would be able to stop her. In her grief, she would condemn us all. Then Garrett flung himself at her, knocking her to the ground again and managing to restrain her despite his body spasming as she shocked him.

"Zafrina, " Edward shouted. Tanya stopped struggling in my arms.

"Give me my sight back, " she hissed.

Somehow, Garrett was in control of himself again. Kate must had stopped shocking him. I hoped that meant she was beginning to come to her senses. She snarled in response when he questioned her though, still thrashing blindly, so perhaps not.

"Listen to me, Tanya, Kate, " I said in a low but intense whisper. "Vengeance doesn't help her now. Irina wouldn't want you to waste your lives this way. Think about what you're doing. If you attack them, we all die. " Tanya's shoulders hunched with grief, and she leaned into me for support. Kate was finally still.

"We have to stop them from getting what they want," I whispered to Tanya urgently. "That's the best way to avenge her. And attacking them is exactly what they want. It gives them an excuse to attack back. That would be the last thing she would want – for them to win. Don't let her die in vain."

"I won't," she replied softly. Her eyes had narrowed into angry slits. She was so enraged she could barely hiss the next words out. "The last thing I want to do is give them what they want."

"Irina has been punished for bearing false witness against this child," I heard Aro announce. I turned my attention back to the Volturi. There had been a change of atmosphere following Cauis' rash act. It had backfired on them. Their witnesses now looked supsicious as opposed to confused. They were slowly figuring out the true meaning behind what was enfolding out in front of them. Aro had just tried to give an excuse for Cauis' actions, but it was hardly plausible. He himself had admitted hers had been an easy mistake to make. Miraclously, I began to feel hope. They were running out of excuses. There only option left would be to destory everyone here who wasn't Volturi, and surely even they wouldn't sink so low? If anything our numbers should at least make them stop and think before they attempted such an atrocity.

"Perhaps we should return to the matter at hand?" Aro continued. Caius straightened, and his expression hardened into unreadability. He stared forward, seeing nothing. Aro drifted forward, Renata, Felix, and Demetri automatically moving with him. "Just to be thorough, " he said, "I'd like to speak with a few of your witnesses. Procedure, you know. " He waved a hand dismissively. Behind me, Edward hissed. I glanced anxiously at his face and realized any hope had been wrongly placed. Caius may have failed to find a reason, but while we had all be focused on his blundering, Aro had been coming up with his own strategy, which I could almost guarantee would be more successful. Where ever he was going with this questioning, it wasn't good news for us.

Aro questioned the Egyptians first. Amun and Kebi were our most relunctant witnesses. _No doubt that's why he chose them._ I hated feeling so bitter towards the man I had once considered a friend, but I also knew it was undeniably the truth.

Amun and Aro swapped pleasantries for awhile, as was Aro's style, and Amun said his witness for us in plain terms. However, when Aro questioned if Renesmee should be allowed to live

Several vampires in our line hissed at his question, and it took some self-control on my part not to join in. _How dare he suggest Nessie does not deserve to live! _

Amun avoided the question skillfully and after his finishing his witness, requested to leave.

I could not blame him for this. He had done all we had asked for his. It had been done begrudingly, but still I would always be thankful to him for it. If I survived that was…

His request granted, Amun and Kebi disappeared quickly into the trees.

Aro turned to Siobhan next. She gave the same answers as Amun, only emphaising Renesmee's ability to learn and understand, as well as her ability to blend in. Aro, however, questioned her statement that Renesmee posed no threat of exposure, causing Edward to growl. I assumed that meant that in his mind, Aro was planning ways she could be a threat. What he had thought of, I could only assume we would all hear about soon. No doubt it would not be to our liking.

"There is no broken law, " Aro said in a placating voice, as he drifted back to his guard.

But it was easy to guess what was coming. Whatever excuse he had made up, he was about to reveal it. "No broken law, " Aro repeated. "However, does it follow then that there is no danger? No. " He shook his head gently. "That is a separate issue.

"She is unique... Utterly, impossibly unique. Such a waste it would be, to destroy something so lovely. Especially when we could learn so much . . . " He sighed, as if unwilling to go on. "But there is danger, danger that cannot simply be ignored. " No one answered his assertion. It was dead silent as he continued in a monologue that sounded as if he spoke it for himself only, speaking of humans and our need for secrecy.

"This amazing child,"he gestured to Renesmee. I realized that as he paced during his speech, he was getting slowly closer to his guard again. "if we could but know her potential - know with absolute certainty that she could always remain shrouded within the obscurity that protects us. But we know nothing of what she will become! Her own parents are plagued by fears of her future. We cannot know what she will grow to be. " He paused, looking first at our witnesses, and then, meaningfully, at his own. I couldn't tell if this truly upset him – with his passion for curiousity it was a possiblity, or if he was simply acting. He was talking towards his own witnesses now, trying to bring them back round to seeing things his way. Seeing a threat..

"Only the known is safe. Only the known is tolerable. The unknown is... A vulnerability. " Caius's smile widened viciously.

"You're reaching, Aro, " I said bleakly. I knew my words would had little effect on him, but I had to say something. To stop his empassioned speech before he could mindwash his witnesses into agreeing with him.

"Peace, friend. " Aro smiled, his face as kind, his voice as gentle, as ever. "Let us not be hasty. Let us look at this from every side. "

"May I offer a side to be considered?" Garrett petitioned in a level tone, taking another step forward.

"Nomad, " Aro said, nodding in permission. Garrett's chin lifted. His eyes focused on the the Volturi witnesses and it was to them he spoke. "I came here at Carlisle's request, as the others, to witness, " he said. "That is certainly no longer necessary, with regard to the child. We all see what she is. I stayed to witness something else."

As Garret give his speech, I felt immensly grateful for him. For he had said for us what would have sounded false coming out of our mouths, like we were the ones making the excuses, trying to plea. He had brought attention to what the Volturi were doing in a way none of us could, not being nomads ourselves. I could see simply from the faces of the Volturi witnesses that his words were having the desired effect.

Aro smiled. "A very pretty speech, my revolutionary friend. " Garrett remained poised for attack.

"Revolutionary?" he growled. "Who am I revolting against, might I ask? Are you my king? Do you wish me to call you master, too, like your sycophantic guard?"

"Peace, Garrett, " Aro said tolerantly. "I meant only to refer to your time of birth. Still a patriot, I see. " Garrett glared back furiously.

"Let us ask our witnesses, " Aro suggested. "Let us hear their thoughts before we make our decision. Tell us, friends" As he turned his attention back to his own witnesses, I noticed how their huddled group seemed to be further away than when they had first arrived. As the truth of the matter begin to truly sink in for them, they were trying to distance themselves, perhaps even subconciously. They were now as far away from us – and the Volturi – as possible, as far towards the forest of the edge of the clearing as they could be without entering it.

"What do you think of all this? I can assure you the child is not what we feared. Do we take the risk and let the child live? Do we put our world in jeopardy to preserve their family intact? Or does earnest Garrett have the right of it? Will you join them in a fight against our sudden quest for dominion?" The witnesses. met his gaze with careful faces One, a small black-haired woman, caught my eye as she looked briefly at the dark blond male at her side.

"Are those our only choices?" she asked suddenly, looking back to Aro. "Agree with you, or fight against you?"

"Of course not, most charming Makenna, " Aro said. He looked horrified at the mere idea that anyone could come to that conclusion. It was the same conclusion Elezear and myself had once come to as we discussed the Volturi in the Denali's living room over a century ago. Things had only gotten worse within them since then.

"You may go in peace, of course, as Amun did, even if you disagree with the council's decision. " Makenna looked at her mate's face again, and he nodded minutely.

"We did not come here for a fight. " She paused, exhaled, then said, "We came here to witness. And our witness is that this condemned family is innocent. Everything that Garrett claimed is the truth. "

"Ah, " Aro said sadly. "I'm sorry you see us in that way. But such is the nature of our work. "

"It is not what I see, but what I feel, " Makenna's mate spoke in a high, nervous voice. He glanced at Garrett. "Garrett said they have ways of knowing lies. I, too, know when I am hearing the truth, and when I am not. " With frightened eyes he moved closer to his mate, waiting for Aro's reaction. He moved closer to his mate as he waited for Aro's reaction. This response only made my want my own mate beside me once more. I dared to quickly glance to my left. Esme was watching the scene unfolding before us like everyone. She wore a look of disgust that was out of place on her usual kind face. Seeming to feel her eyes on me, she turned around briefly and our eyes met. She smiled sadly, and I knew what she was trying to say. I tried to send the message back with only my eyes. _I love you too. _Then we both turned our attention back Aro, Makenna, and her mate.

"Do not fear us, friend Charles. No doubt the patriot truly believes what he says, " Aro chuckled lightly, and Charles's eyes narrowed.

"That is our witness, " Makenna said. "We're leaving now. " She and Charles backed away slowly, not turning before they were lost from view in the trees. Four others retreated the same way, relief and fear fighting for place on their faces. Seemingly oblivious to this, Aro had moved to stand in front of his guard once more and addressed them in a clear voice.

"We are outnumbered, dearest ones, " he said. "We can expect no outside help. Should we leave this question undecided to save ourselves?"

"No, master, " they whispered in unison.

"Is the protection of our world worth perhaps the loss of some of our number?"

"Yes, " they breathed. "We are not afraid. " Aro smiled and turned to his black-clad companions.

"Brothers, " Aro said somberly, "there is much to consider here. "

"Let us counsel, " Caius said eagerly.

"Let us counsel, " Marcus repeated in an uninterested tone. Aro turned his back to us again, facing the other ancients. They joined hands to form a black-shrouded triangle.

Though my eyes were focused on the Volturi in front of me, I was just able to make out Bella's voice behind me.

"You remember what I told you?"

"I love you, " Nessie whispered back.

"I love you, too,. More than my own life. " Jacob whined uneasily.

"Wait until they're totally distracted, then run with her. Get as far from this place as you possibly can. When you've gone as far as you can on foot, she has what you need to get you in the air. " I turned around at that. She was crouched beside the Jacob-wolf, clearly it was him she had just whispered too. Bella had known and expected she might die, and somehow had manged to make all the arrangements to attempt to keep her daughter safe. My heart went out to my youngest daughter. So young, in both lives, and she had been through so much.

Renesmee reached for Edward, and he took her in his arms. They hugged each other tightly. No matter what had happened as a consquence, no one in our family would ever begrudge Edward for finally getting a chance at a family. No matter how short his happiness had been.

"This is what you kept from me?" he whispered to Bella over Nessie's head.

"From Aro, " she breathed.

"Alice?" Bella nodded. _Alice… _Was this not proof that she had cared? She had kept our family safe from danger so many times, and even absent, she had still come to our aid once more. She may not have been able to help us all, I doubted anyone was able to do that now, but she had come through to save precious Renesmee. Despite her disappearance, I would always be thankful for her for all she had done. Starting with choosing us over fifty years ago.

Edward kissed Renesmee's forehead and both her cheeks, then he lifted her to Jacob's shoulder before saying her final goodbye to Jacob too.

"You're the only one we could ever trust her with, " Bella murmured to Jacob. "If you didn't love her so much, I could never bear this. I know you can protect her, Jacob. " He whined again, and dipped his head to butt it against her shoulder. "I know, " she whispered. "I love you, too, Jake. You'll always be my best man. "

Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed Renesmee. "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... My son." I was well aware this was not the time nor the place for paternal reflecting, but I couldn't help but note how much Edward had changed. The Edward who had hated Jacob only months ago – who had stormed around house in fury - was gone. In his a place stood … a man. I'm sure Edward would have a go at me for that reflection if we managed to survive this.

I looked at Renesmee, holding onto Jacob's fur. Bella had prepared her daughter for goodbye. She would not have revealed her plan until she was certain she had no other choice to keep her daughter? Did this mean this was truly the end?

"Is there no hope, then?" I whispered. This revelation did not bring the despair I would have thought it would. I had known this was coming. Had perhaps known it since the Volturi had arrived, even perhaps since Alice dropped a crystal vase in our living room. And just as I had been there, I was prepared to fight for my family. I would always be prepared to fight for my family – hope or no hope.

"There is absolutely hope, " Bella murmured back. "I only know my own fate." Edward took her hand. Was this how it ended for the pair of them? As I watched the two of them together, I realized that depsite everything I still prefered this outcome to if Edward had never met Bella. At least this way he had gotten a chance to experience true love and true happiness before he died. My decision all those decades ago had given him that chance and I preferred that outcome to him still alive but suffering through permanent loneliness. The very state I had once thought myself trapped in.

I recognized the soft footsteps as they headed towards us. Even with so many people – vampires and wolves – surrounding us, I was still able to pick up the soft scent of roses and jasmine that was solely Esme. Her breathing was ragged – and I had no doubt she was scared. But she would be scared for us, for her children and her grandchildren, not herself. She touched each of our childrens' faces lovingly as she passed them, before coming to a stop by my side. Gently, she grapsed my hand within her own. It such a small act, but it was the act of comfort I had ached for this entire time.

"Do I even have to say it?" she asked quietly, a trace of humor to her voice. A small smile played on her lips. I smiled back at her softly.

"No. But I will anyway. I love you." Slowly, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. The kiss seemed to last forever and I savoured the moment. If this would be the last time I kissed her, I was going to make it count. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion or maybe my mind was simply playing tricks on me as I tried to make this moment last. I didn't want to think of it as our last moment together, but I couldn't help it. My eyes seemed to capture everything as she slowly lowered herself down from her tiptoes. Her eyes were a soft gold today, but there was a glint to them. She was determined. For just one second I saw the dimples I adored as she smiled at me, before her mouth settled into a frown, and her forehead wrinkled in distress. Though she was trying to hide it for everyone else's benefit, she was frightened. Her toffee curls were pulled tight in a bun out of the way and I had sudden urge to pull it free, and let her them cursade down her back in the way I had always adored. It could only have been a few seconds I stood there, letting my eyes drink in the sight of the woman I loved, but it felt like an eternity. I had known her -seen her- nearly everyday for eighty five years, and she had never stopped giving me different reasons to love her. I had relished in seeing every different side to her, and yet now, just as I was about to lose her, I realized just how blind I had been. She was even more beautiful than I had ever thought she was. Much more special. Too special to lose.

"I love you too," she whispered. She squeezed my hand softly. "And thank you. For everything."

"No, thank you, dear," I replied, bringing our joint hands up to my lips to kiss them softly. "You made me happier than I ever imagined I could be." So many different memories flew through my mind. There was recent ones: watching her eyes sparkle as she held Renesmee, helping her as she built Bella and Edward's cottage – humming her favorite song that Edward had wrote for us to herself as she painted the wall without even realizing it. But there was others as well. Our enchanting holidays on Isle Esme. Just simply watching her as she fussed over one of our children – the love and kindness she always showed shining through. A thousand kisses and 'I love you's, each which meant something, each that showed our love for each other in it's own unique way. The shy, but strong and brave, newborn who she had first awoken as, who I had fallen for so instantly, drawn to like a moth to a flame by her love, and her care, and her soft, gentle, kindness. And then there was that very first memory, of the blushing sixteen year old girl who had spoke with such passion and love about her sister. Who had drawn her to me even then.

"Carlisle," she whispered, so quietly I barely heard her. "If we don't make it through this alive, promise me I'll see you again." She paused hestitantly before finishing. "In Heaven."

"I promise," I whispered back passionately. I was not going to question my wife's sudden belief that there was a Heaven for us, for I could not bare the thought of imagining that if this truly was the end, I would never see her again. The idea comforted me. We would die today but we would still get our eternity together.

"Get ready, " Bella's whisper brought the pair us back to what was happening elsewhere. "It's starting. "

We all turned our attention to the mass of dark cloaks opposite, but they were still in line, nobody had moved. The leaders were still conferencing.

"Chelsea is trying to break our bindings, " Edward whispered. "But she can't find them. She can't feel us here. . . . Are you doing that?" he asked someone.

"I am all over this. " Bella replied before I turned around to see who he was talking too. She must have been using her shield, though it would appear it was a lot stronger than it had ever been during her practise seasons.

"Carlisle? Are you all right?" Edward gasped frantically.

"Yes. Why?" I replied, confused. Nothing seemed to have happened to cause his fear.

"Jane, " Edward answered and a spasm of disgust went through me. She had been trying to torturing me, but it would appear Bella's shield had saved me. Beside me, Esme whimpered in horror and her grip on my hand tightened.

"Incredible, " Edward said admiringly.

"Why aren't they waiting for the decision?" Tanya hissed.

"Normal procedure, " Edward answered brusquely. "They usually incapacitate those on trial so they can't escape. "

We all jumped as Jane let out a high-pitched scream of a snarl, even the guard. It was very difficult to not feel smug knowing we were infuriatating her. I would have felt a lot more guilty if I hadn't seen first-hand how sadistic she could be. And then I remembered she had been trying to torture me and I had to resist the temptation to smile smugly at her as Bella currently was doing. Jane had always got way too much enjoyment out of her talent for my tastes. Alec stopped her as she crouched, ready to spring at us.

The Romanians chuckled with dark anticipation.

"She can't torture us," Esme whispered in wonder, and there was just a hint of hope to her voice. I could see why – Jane and Alec were our biggest threats. If Bella's shield could stop them both… It was still doubtful we could win, but perhaps it would make the leaders rethink an attack if they saw they were a lot more at risk than they had first imagined.

As Alec smiled angelicly at us, I saw the first sign of the clear haze he produced and I wondered if Bella's shield would be able to stop this too. If it didn't we would all be blind, sitting ducks, and the Volturi would kill us of one by one.

"If it gets through…" Esme murmured, her thoughts clearly on the same page.

"We'll always be together," I whispered to her. "No matter what."

"No matter what," she echoed back confidently. "In one life or the other."

"Are you okay?" Bella asked Edward, her voice sounded strain, betraying the effort she was putting into her shield. She knew what rested on it. If it fell, so did we. It was the only thing protecting us now.

"Yes, " he whispered back.

"Is Alec trying?" I glanced backwards in time to see Edward nodded.

"His gift is slower than Jane's. It creeps. It will touch us in a few seconds. "

The mist was still creeping forward. Benjamin was trying his best, but the wind he blew went straight through it without effecting it. The ancients, however, finally broke apart, when a deep, narrow fissure opened across the middle of the clearing. But it did not bother the mist. Everyone on both sides watched in silence as it creeped closer. Soon it would be the moment of truth. Automaticallly, I pulled Esme closer, placing myself slightly in front of her, as if it would help.

Then the mist suddenly stopped. It seemed to have met a barrier, which I soon realized had to be Bella's shield. She had stretched it further than I could ever have imagined .It began to curl upwards, and spread across, swirling around in front of us, but it was like there was a screen blocking its pass, it was unable to find an entrance. In the process it revealed even more just how astounding the size Bella had managed to stretch her shield to truly was.

There was gasps from both sides of the clearing. I heard a soft, awed one leave my wife's lips.

"Bella's doing this?" she whispered in awe. I knew it was a rhetorical question, that she was just shocked at how much Bella's power had grown, same as me.

"Well done, Bella!" Benjamin cheered in a low voice. Across the field, Alec's shock and anger was clear. Much like with his tiwn, it was hard not to be a little smug, though he had never come across as quite as sadistic as her.

"I'm going to have to concentrate," Bella whispered to Edward. "When it comes to hand to hand, it's going to be harder to keep the shield around the right people. "

"I'll keep them off you. "

"No. You have to get to Demetri. Zafrina will keep them away from me. " I knew she was thinking off Nessie and Jacob and their escape plan. And Alice and Japser, no matter how they had left things, the last thing any of us wanted was the Volturi tracking them down. They were still -and always would- be my children to me.

Zafrina nodded solemnly. "No one will touch this young one, " she promised Edward. "I'd go after Jane and Alec myself, but I can do more good here. "

"Jane's mine, " Kate hissed. "She needs a taste of her own medicine. "

"And Alec owes me many lives, but I will settle for his, " Vladimir growled from the other side. "He's mine. "

"I just want Caius, " Tanya said evenly.

Esme and I said little as the others alll decided who wanted to fight who. Neither of us relished the thought of a fight and had no desire to partically target anyone. We would simply fight whoever we needed to so as to protect our family. As I overheard Emmett declare he wanted to take on Felix with relish in his voice – no doubt he was even looking forward to the chance to test his strenght - I couldn't help the low chuckle that escaped my lips. I saw Rosalie perform her obligatory overexaggearated eyeroll that always followed whenever Emmett made announcements like that and I was filled with an overwhelming affection for them. My children. My eyes drifted to my oldest and my youngest, stood side-by-side and prepared to die for the safety of their daughter, and I wanted to tell them all how proud I was off them and that I loved them. But I never got the chance as Aro finally spoke.

"Before we vote, let me remind you, whatever the council's decision, there need be no violence here. " Edward laughed darkly. It was easy to guess why, Aro wasn't exactly being subtle about what he was insinuating. Aro stared at him sadly.

"It will be a regrettable waste to our kind to lose any of you. But you especially, young Edward, and your newborn mate. The Volturi would be glad to welcome many of you into our ranks. Bella, Benjamin, Zafrina, Kate. There are many choices before you. Consider them. " he continued, all attempts at subtlety abandoned. His expression hardened as no one moved or spoke up.

"Let us vote, then, " he said reluctantly. He had been hoping to use fear to get what he came for without having to take any risks, but he had quickly learned that we would not be intimidated. Our bonds were too strong for that.

Caius spoke with eager haste. "The child is an unknown quantity. There is no reason to allow such a risk to exist. It must be destroyed, along with all who protect it. " He smiled in expectation. Marcus lifted his uncaring eyes, seeming to look through us as he voted.

Marcus, on the other hand, spoke casually, not caring."I see no immediate danger. The child is safe enough for now. We can always reevaluate later. Let us leave in peace. " There was no reaction to his soft-spoken words, as ever. Why Aro insisted on keeping him around I'd never understand. It would have been much kinder to simply put him out of his misery millenias ago.

The warmth of her hand within mine reminded me that I had thought the very opposite about Esme earlier. But now I was almost certain that none of us would survive and I found the idea almost peaceful. Nobody would be left behind on Earth to suffer. We would all be, as Esme had said, still together. "I must make the deciding vote, it seems, " Aro mused.

"Yes!" Edward hissed victoriously. I couldn't think why. Surely Aro was going to vote against us? This was the whole reason he came.

"Aro?" Edward called,

Aro hesitated for a second, Edward's strange new mood had him wary, so clearly he had not caused it. . "Yes, Edward? You have something further... ?"

"Perhaps, " Edward said pleasantly, managing to control his unexplained excitement. "First, if I could clarify one point?"

"Certainly, " Aro said politely, raising his eyebrows.

"The danger you foresee from my daughter-this stems entirely from our inability to guess how she will develop? That is the crux of the matter?"

"Yes, friend Edward, " Aro agreed. "If we could but be positive... Be sure that, as she grows, she will be able to stay concealed from the human world-not endanger the safety of our obscurity . . . " He trailed off, shrugging.

"So, if we could only know for sure, " Edward suggested, "exactly what she will become... Then there would be no need for a council at all?"

_Where are you going with this, Edward? We know nothing of Renesmee's development._

"If there was some way to be absolutely sure, " Aro agreed casually, but his voice was getting higher. It would appear that – just like the rest of us – he had no idea where Edward was going with this. . "Then, yes, there would be no question to debate. "

"And we would part in peace, good friends once again?" Edward asked with a hint of irony.

"Of course, my young friend. Nothing would please me more. " Aros's voice only got shriller as he answered. There was a hint of disbelief to this now. I could understand why. What could possibly save us now?

Edward chuckled exultantly. "Then I do have something more to offer. "

Aro's eyes narrowed. "She is absolutely unique. Her future can only be guessed at. "

"Not absolutely unique, " Edward disagreed. "Rare, certainly, but not one of a kind." He sighed in annoyance. "Aro, would you ask Jane to stop attacking my wife?" Edward asked with faked courtesy. "We are still discussing evidence. " Aro raised one hand.

"Peace, dear ones. Let us hear him out."

"Why don't you join us, Alice?" Edward called loudly.

"Alice, " Esme whispered in shock. I felt the same shock within me. But also hope – for if Alice had returned that could only mean she had plan. That perhaps we had been right to hope she had not truly abandoned us, but had simply seen something that could help us, that had to be kept secret from Aro, as Esme and I had once – with forced optimism – speculated.

I could hear their footsteps then, but there was more than two pairs. There was five. They were running at full speed, their desperation to get here in time obvious. Everyone was waiting frozen in silent anticipation. My eyes were focused on where I could ear their footsteps. Then Alice appeared, dancing into the clearing with confidence. Jasper was right behind her, as normal. The three strangers followed behind them, and a new sound sent shockwaves through us all. A heartbeat, faster than normal like Renesmee. I stared at the young man it belonged to, he was clearly another hybrid. _They found another hybird. They found evidence of what will happen to Renesmee when she's grown. _This was what we needed. If this male hybrid could prove Nessie would not be a risk as she grew, then the Volturi's last plausible excuse fell to pieces. We would be safe.

Also with them was the third Amazon Kachiri and a small olive-toned female vampire.

Alice was stood beside Edward now. I reached out to gently touch her arm, to welcome her back, and so did Bella, Edward, and Emse. Esme seemed to struggle with letting go, I knew she was having to fight the urge to hug her close. But there would be time for that later. I realized - that for the first time since the Volturi had entered the clearing - I truly believed that there would be a later.

Jasper and the others followed her through the shield.

"Alice has been searching for her own witnesses these last weeks, " Edward said to Aro. "And she does not come back empty-handed. Alice, why don't you introduce the witnesses you've brought?"

Caius snarled. "The time for witnesses is past! Cast your vote, Aro!" Aro raised one finger to silence his brother, his eyes glued to Alice's face. Alice stepped forward lightly and introduced the strangers.

"This is Huilen and her nephew, Nahuel." The Volturi and the witnesses did not look impressed by this knowledge. To them the idea of vampires having families was still alien.

"Speak, Huilen, " Aro commanded. "Give us the witness you were brought to bear. " The slight woman looked to Alice nervously. Alice nodded in encouragement, and Kachiri put her long hand on the little vampire's shoulder.

"I am Huilen, " the woman announced in clear but strangely accented English. She told her story like a planned speech, explaining how her sister had come to be impregnanted and how she had died giving birth to her son, the boy who was now stood with his aunt, who he had unknowingly changed into a vampire as a baby

We have never come so far from our home, but Nahuel wished to see the child here." Huilen bowed her head when as she finished and moved back so she was partially hidden behind Kachiri. Aro's lips were pursed. He stared at the dark-skinned youth.

"Nahuel, you are one hundred and fifty years old?" he questioned.

"Give or take a decade, " he answered in a clearly. Unlike his aunt, his accent was barely noticeable. "We don't keep track. "

"And you reached maturity at what age?"

"About seven years after my birth, more or less, I was full grown. "

"You have not changed since then?"

Nahuel shrugged. "Not that I've noticed. "

"And your diet?" Aro pressed, seeming interested in spite of himself.

"Mostly blood, but some human food, too. I can survive on either. "

"You were able to create an immortal?" As Aro gestured to Huilen, his voice was abruptly intense. "Yes, but none of the rest can. " A shocked murmur ran through everyone. _There are more like Nessie? _

Aro's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "The rest?"

"My sisters. " Nahuel shrugged again. Aro stared wildly for a moment, unable to contain his surprise, but then he managed to compose his face.

"Perhaps you would tell us the rest of your story, for there seems to be more. "

Nahuel frowned. "My father came looking for me a few years after my mother's death. " His face distorted slightly in obvious displeasure. "He was pleased to find me. " Nahuel's tone was bitter as he explained. He obviously did not have a good relationship with his father. I wondered if he was like Rosalie, unhappy with what he had born as - just like she unhappy with what she had been changed into - and bitter at the man he deemed responsible, just like she had been.

"Your father's name?" Caius asked through gritted teeth.

"Joham," Nahuel answered. "He considers himself a scientist. He thinks he's creating a new super-race." He made no attempt to disguise the disgust in his tone. Caius looked at Bella.

"Your daughter, is she venomous?" he demanded harshly.

"No, " Bella responded. Caius looked to Aro for confirmation, but Aro was absorbed in his own thoughts. He pursed his lips and stared at me, and then Edward, and at last his eyes rested on Bella.

Caius growled. "We take care of the aberration here, and then follow it south, " he urged Aro. Aro stared at Bella for a long, tense moment. Then something in his face changed. It was only a faint shift, but I knew his decision had been made. I waited nervously for him to speak. The fate of my family rested on his next words. Had Alice done enough to save us all?

"Brother, " he said softly to Caius. "There appears to be no danger. This is an unusual development, but I see no threat. These half-vampire children are much like us, it appears. " I breathed a sigh of relief and beside me Esme did the same. We were safe. We were all safe.

"Is that your vote?" Caius demanded.

"It is. "

They continued to argue over Nahuel's father, Joham, but I wasn't buying that much attention. I could tell Caius' could not change his more logical brother's mind now. Aro had recognized that he was out of excuses. That he could not attack now without it looking unjust.

This was confirmed when he turned to his guard and called, "Dear ones. We do not fight today. " The guard nodded in unison and straightened out of their ready positions. The mist dissipated swiftly.

As Aro turned back to us, I could see in his face that it was truly over. At least for now. He was not happy with the result, that much was obvious, as much as he tried to hide it, but there would be no more schemes. Nahuel's evidence was the final straw – he could truly no longer claim an attack was necessary. Even Caius looked resigned to the fact – though he was making no attempt to hide his anger over the situation. Marcus, on the other hand, looked simply disinterested once more, and as usual I couldn't help but pity him. The guard were still and discplined no more – they were preparing for a retreat, with as much diginity as they could muster. The Volturi witnesses were leaving as quickly as possibly, and I sincerely hoped they all managed to get away safely.

Aro held his hands out to us, almost apologetic. The rest of the Volturi was already leaving behind him, aside from his personal bodyguards.

"I'm so glad this could be resolved without violence, " he said sweetly. "My friend, Carlisle - how pleased I am to call you friend again! I hope there are no hard feelings. I know you understand the strict burden that our duty places on our shoulders. "

"Leave in peace, Aro, " I said stiffly. I was obviously not going to point it out just as they were leaving, but I doubted I would ever be able to view him as a friend again. Not after what he had been willing – more than willing - to let unfold today. I had no doubt he would have seen my killed without a second doubt.

"Please remember that we still have our anonymity to protect here, and keep your guard from hunting in this region," I asked coolly.

"Of course, Carlisle, " Aro assured me. "I am sorry to earn your disapproval, my dear friend. Perhaps, in time, you will forgive me. "

"Perhaps, in time, if you prove a friend to us again. " I could not fully contain my anger.

Aro bowed his head, the picture of remorse for a second and then he took his leave, his bodyguard behind him. We watched in silence as the last four Volturi disappeared into the trees.

For a few moments, nobody talked, nobody moved. A few people still seemed to be holding their breath.

Then Bella whispered. "Is it really over?"

"Yes. They've given up," Edward answered her. "Like all bullies, they're cowards underneath the swagger. " He chuckled.

Alice laughed with him. "Seriously, people. They're not coming back. Everybody can relax now. "

Despite Alice's reassurance, it was difficult to comprehend that they had truly left. My family was safe. I felt Esme loosen her grip on my hand slightly. _I won't lose her…_

"Of all the rotten luck, " Stefan muttered.

Suddenly, it suck in to us all. They were truly gone. Nobody would die today. Nobody would lose someone they loved. Cheers erupted and there was a series of ear-splitting howls from behind us. Esme let go off my hand in favor of rushing over to her two returned children and pulling them both into a hug so tight it would have caused them serious pain if they were human. Alice beamed and hugged her back, and even Jasper was smiling as he hugged her back as well. I turned to Nahuel and Heilen

"Thank you," I said warmly. "You saved us all. We will forever be in your debt."

"It was our pleasure," Heulen said. "I don't know what they would have done if they came after my Nahuel. Family is a thing to be saved. You owe us nothing."

"I want nothing more than to find about more about the child here. I have known no others like me except my sisters, and I barely see them thanks to my father's interference," Nahuel said quietly.

"Thank you all the same," I repeated.

"It's a good job we don't need to breathe, Esme," I heard Alice joke. I turned my attention back to them to see that Esme seemed to have finally let them go. Esme simply smiled at them and ruffled both their hairs.

"It's good to have you home," she said fondly.

"Really, never would have guessed," Jasper teased her fondly. She smiled at him, before turning round. Her face split into a my favorite dimpled smile when her eyes landed on me.

Within seconds, I felt her warm body holding onto mine tightly. With equal fierceness, I hugged her back. I tilted her head up to mine to seal our lips together for a kiss. She squealed with surprise and delight as I lifted her off her feet, before quickly joining our lips back together again. I performed a jubilant spin, unable to contain my delight, and she giggled softly. Her giggle mingled in with all the other jubilant cheers that surrounded us.

"We'll always be together," I whispered to her once more as I placed on her the ground.

"No matter what," she finished for me.

* * *

**There was no short way to do this chapter!**

**This is not the end – we still have a chapter and an epilogue to go :D**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	105. Relief

2006

_Esme_

"Good night, dears." I hugged both Bella and Edward, and then gently placed a kiss on the forehead of a sleeping Nessie. Once their goodbyes were finished, they departed to spend the night at their own cottage.

I couldn't help the smile that had been permanently etched onto my face for the last few hours. For me, the relief had not died down. For one dreadful moment, I had reconciled myself to the idea of my death and the loss of my family. For us all to be alive was such a divine blessing that mere words could never even begin to describe how I felt.

I had said very little as first Edward and then Alice explained all they had heard, seen, and done during the showdown and its run-up. I was more than content to just sit there, with Carlisle on one side of me -one arm never leaving my waist, and the other hand never letting go of mine- and with my beloved returned children, Alice and Jasper, on the other side.

"Sooooo… what now?" Emmett asked jovially. "Since, you know," he clapped his hands, "surprise! We're not all dead!" Alice laughed and Rosalie rolled her eyes but smiled.

"A toast," Alice proposed, pretending to lift a glass. "To not being killed."

"Here, here!" we all shouted, even Huilen and Nahuel -our two remaining witnesses- though they looked a little confused.

"Have I ever told you I love you all?" I asked softly.

"Yes, Esme," my children replied with faked exasperation.

"Um… no, I don't think so, actually" Carlisle said sarcasticly, faking thoughtfulness. I tapped his chest in retribution.

"Once Edward and his family are back tomorrow, I may have to redeem my Cullen Family hug card," I said merrily, in reference to a joke present that had been given to me for Mother's day many decades ago now.

"Remember, those are only redeemable once a century," Emmett reminded me.

"I doubt they'll be a more suitable occasion for the rest of this century," I replied. "At least, I hope so," I added softly.

"Me too, dear," Carlisle murmured to me, stroking my side comfortingly. He then adressed us all. "But the future's brighter for us now than it has ever has been before." He was right. Amazingly, perfectly correct. Now that the Volturi threat was gone, we could return to the state of happiness we had been in before Alice's vision. In fact, with the question of Nessie's development now answered, we no longer even had that worry. Things were actually better than they had been.

"You believe the Volturi will not come back then?" Nahuel asked, his face screwed up in concentration.

"I am not naïve enough to think they may never return," Carlisle said cautiously. "But for now, we are all safe and their return, if it does happen, will not be any time in the foreseeable future."

"We're all safe," I murmured. I was still struggling to get my mind round that concept. Nobody had died for us.

_Except for Irina…_ I was trying my hardest not to think about her. Our cousins' grief was the one black spot on our happiness, but at the present moment I could not dwell on it. It may have been selfish, but, just for the moment, I could concentrate on no more than the overwhelming relief I felt at the safety of my own family. Thinking about the contrast between mine and my cousins' current situation still made me feel uncomfortable, and, for now, I forced myself simply not to think about it. There would be time to mourn later, but, overall, this was a time for celebration.

"Exactly," Carlisle agreed softly.

"All of us," I said with emphasis, turning to look at Alice and Jasper.

"You're not going to have a go at me as well are you, Esme?" Alice said pleadingly, doing her 'puppy dog eyes' look, pout and all.

"No, Alice," I replied fondly while smiling at her facial expressions. "I understand why you had to leave." I sighed softly." It doesn't mean I enjoyed it though."

"Sorry, Mom," she murmured apologetically.

"Yeah, sorry… Mom," Jasper echoed. My heart swelled with proud to hear him call me by the endearment. For, even after all these years, he still was not comfortable enough using it to say it all that often.

"Well, you're forgiven. I suppose," I said with faked exasperation. Alice laughed and flitted over to hug me.

"Just don't do it again," I said sternly, but I ruffled both their hairs as I spoke. They both instantly went to work straightening their hair as soon as I had finished.

"Yes, Mom," they replied instantaneously. Alice sat down happily in Jasper's lap, and he pulled her close.

"Yeah, we missed you, lil sis," Emmett added. "You too, bro."

"Can't say we missed you, Em," Jasper joked. Emmett just laughed his booming laugh.

"What about you, Rosalie? Didn't you miss us?" Alice pouted.

Rosalie gave a harassed sigh. "Fine. Yes, I did. Happy now?" Alice simply squealed in response and rushed over to hug her sister.

I just sat and watched these scenes unfold, a beaming smile I couldn't suppress plastered on my face.

"My children," I whispered lovingly.

"_Our_," Carlisle whispered his correction into my ear with a gentle chuckle.

"_Our_," I agreed happily. "_Our _family, safe and happy." I could never say that enough times. Carlisle kissed my forehead gently as I lay my head on his chest and snuggled further into his embrace, not caring who was watching.

"Maybe it is time we left." Huilen's voice reminded me of our guests. Her and Nahuel looked rather uncomfortable. Unhappily, I forced myself to sit up and put a more proper distance between myself and my husband. Huilen, however, was watching Rosalie and Emmett, who had felt no such need, but to their credit were at least only cuddling for now.

"There's no need for that," I said quickly. "You're more than welcome to stay as long as you wish. It's the least we can do."

"I would like to learn more about the child here, Aunt," Nahuel said quickly.

"That's more than understandable," Carlisle said compassionately. "And if you are willing to discuss it, we'd like to know more about you and sisters, and the potential of Nessie's growth, among other things."

"Of course," Nahuel agreed readily. "But if you do not mind I need to find a place to sleep first."

"That's not a problem," I said sweetly. "You're more than welcome to have one of our rooms."

"No one will be bothered?" he said cautiously.

"Of course not. Follow me." I lead Nahuel up to Edward's old room. He looked around uncomfortably.

"Are you sure it will bother no one?" he asked again.

"It's Edward's old room. He's up at the cottage with Bella and Nessie, and even if he was here I can guarantee he wouldn't complain. Not after everything you did for us," I said gently with a smile.

"Thank you," he replied kindly.

"Good night," I called as I left the room and went downstairs to rejoin my family.

"If you don't mind I'll go on a quick hunt while he sleeps," Huilen announced.

"We'd rather you didn't hunt in the area," Carlisle replied softly.

"Of course, sorry," Huilen replied. Her eyes seemed to be scanning our faces and she seemed to be deep in thought.

"I suppose it wouldn't matter if I was to hunt… as you do. How bad can it really be?"

Carlisle smiled happily when she said that. "That would be more acceptable."

"We'll show you how," Alice said chirpily. She and Jasper stood up, and the three of them walked out the door.

"Well, that was unexpected," my husband muttered.

"Indeed," I agreed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rosalie and Emmett drift out the door as well.

With a content sigh, I sat down on my husband's lap. I couldn't help but giggle softly when I felt his arm automatically pull me closer.

"Do you remember when I washed your purple dress?" my husband asked tenderly.

"Of course," I replied. "Why?" I asked, wondering what had made him think of that quite out of the blue.

"With the events of the last day, I've been feeling nostalgic." His reminiscent smile suddenly became a smirk. "Indulge an old man, Esme."

"Well, you're certainly old," I teased, as my fingertips traced the lines of my husband's eternally youthful face.

"After you'd gone outside, my mind was such a muddle. I'd never felt that way about anyone before. All the signs were there, I just couldn't read them. It seems so foolish to think of that now. That there was ever a point where I didn't know I was in love with you."

"Or that there was ever a point where I thought you couldn't love me," I added, remembering my own thoughts at that particular moment of time.

Carlisle kissed me cheek softly, the same gesture he had made decades ago, on the very day we were discussing.

"I'll always love you," he murmured in my ear.

"And I, you," I replied, kissing him gently.

Carlisle smiled as his hands combed through my hair, gently releasing it from the bun it was tied up in, so he could stroke and twirl my curls as they cascaded down my back.

"I've been wanting to do that since the clearing," he said softly with a smile. I rolled my eyes affectionately, but my mind turned to my own thoughts back in the clearing.

"Carlisle, you know how they say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die?"

"Mmhm?"

"The first time round that didn't happen for me. But as I stood in that clearing, awaiting what I thought was surely certain death, my life did flash through my mind this time. Everything. Our early years together. All those happy moments, both between us and our family. And it's all because of you. You gave me a life worth remembering." I pressed my lips softly to my husband's.

"It's not over yet, my love," Carlisle reminded me, as our lips parted once more. I laughed happily at the reminder.

"You're right!" I agreed enthusiastically. "We're all safe! I really cannot say that enough!" I squealed excitedly.

Carlisle simply chuckled at my exuberance.

"They're really gone!" I continued with relish.

"They really are!" Carlisle confirmed with a smile.

"And Renesmee!" I exclaimed joyfully. "She's immortal. We never have to lose her. Bella and Edward can have their family and finally be truly happy!" I couldn't contain my excitement, going through the days momentous discoveries one after another.

But I couldn't help but add thoughtfully, "Though I've said that quite a few times and life has always decided to prove me wrong."

"Would it be too optimistic of us to say that maybe it will truly happen this time?" Carlisle asked.

"No!" I replied, shaking my head vigorously. Carlisle laughed as my curls bounced everywhere due to the energetic movement. "After all, what else could possibly happen to them?" I asked incredulously.

"Good point!" Carlisle conceded with a grin.

"They're safe! And they're happy!" I rejoiced. "And I know I'm being repetitive," I said with a slight laugh, "But I'd reconciled myself for death. I'd accepted it as fact. And now it hasn't happened and I'm having to readjust my mind again," I said softly, then I added happily, "Not that I'm complaining!"

"I can't say I blame you for it making you so happy," Carlisle laughed. But then his face grew thoughtful.

"Carlisle?" I questioned, knowing something was wrong.

"I was just thinking about what you said in the clearing," he explained quietly. I quickly began to re-run through everything I had said. It didn't take long for me to guess what my husband would be thinking about.

"About Heaven?" I whispered back gently.

"Yes," Carlisle answered softly. "Did you truly believe it, Esme?" Though he was trying his best to hid it, there was a plea in my husband eye. He desperately wanted me to say yes.

"Yes," I told him tenderly. It give me great joy to be able to give that answer and not lie to him. For as I had stood in the clearing, awaiting the deaths of myself and my family, I could suddenly understand perfectly why my husband believed in an afterlife for our kind. For what merciful God would turn my husband away from Heaven? How could He ever turn my children away, who despite their many flaws had always fought to overcome them?

"It's who we are, not what we are, that matters," I explained softly. Carlisle nodded contentedly in agreement. "That, and I simply won't accept the idea of losing you forever. It's more than I could ever bare."

Carlisle caressed my face lovingly. "Same here," he promised adoringly. His lips sealed themselves against mine once more. This time I didn't relinquish them for a very long time.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"And what does the little princess want for breakfast?" I asked my granddaughter lovingly. She was sat at our dining table with her parents. They had all just arrived back from the cottage. Bella and Edward were both in extremely good moods, though I could only assume it was for the same reason I still was: we were all still here. If that wasn't reason enough to be happy for an unbelievable amount of time, then I don't know what is.

"Blood, please, Grandmamma," Nessie requested sweetly.

"Wouldn't you like to try some cereal?" Carlisle encouraged her. He was still intrigued by her ability to eat human foods and wished to find out more. She screwed her face up in disgust, to the amusement of everyone round the table.

"It's yucky, Grandpa," she told him forcefully.

"How about both?" I suggested, bending down beside her in her chair. She reached her hand out to my face and I was treated to her memories from last time Carlisle had tried to fed her cereal. I could see why she didn't like it, it was rather disgusting. She pulled her hand away and then pouted at me.

"OK, no cereal," I agreed readily. Nessie smiled happily.

"Did you just side with our granddaughter over me?" Carlisle asked jokingly.

"Looks like it," I replied with a giggle. I give him a gentle kiss on the forehead as I passed as a consolidation.

"You've got Grandmamma twisted round your little finger now, haven't you, sweetheart?" Edward asked her teasingly.

"Pot meet kettle," I called at him over my shoulder as I went into the kitchen, and I heard him laugh in reply.

When I returned with a cup of blood for Nessie, I found the other three in discussion over Huilen and Nahuel.

"Do they plan to return home soon?" Bella asked.

"Probably," Carlisle answered. "Huilen wasn't particularly enthralled by her hunt with Alice and Jasper. I think she only did it out of necessity." I wondered if I was only the one who noticed the slight hint of sadness to my husband's voice. Though he had long accepted that our diet would never catch on among the majority of vampires, he never stopped hoping that there may be other still willing to try.

I took my husband's hand within my own beneath the table as I sat down next to him, stroking it comfortingly.

"Speaking of which, where are Alice and Jasper?" Bella asked.

"Right here!" Alice called as she walked through the front door a second after Bella had spoken.

"She did that on purpose," Bella grumbled.

"Of course," Alice said with a smirk as she walked into the kitchen, hand in hand with Jasper.

"Hello, Auntie Alice. Hello, Uncle Jasper," Nessie called excitedly, before returning to her drink. Alice beamed at her and even Jasper smiled fondly.

"And dare I even ask when we will be graced by Rosalie and Emmett's presence again?" I asked with faked trepidation.

"Give them another hour," Alice answered to general laughter.

"I love Auntie Rosalie and Uncle Emmett," Nessie informed us all.

"Of course," Edward said with a faked groan. Nessie rolled her eyes.

"She definitely got that from Rosalie," Alice pointed out and then her brow furrowed in concentration.

"And a werewolf/werewolves will be here in a hour and a half."

"I like the werewolves as well," Nessie told us all as she put down her emptied cup. "That's why I'm glad everyone's OK." Her sweet little face turned thoughtful and a silence fell as all our thoughts surely turned to the same thing. _She's so young and yet she's already been through so much._

"No one died because of me," she continued thoughtfully. Pity filled me at her quietly spoken, innocent words.

Bella and Edward quickly moved to comfort their daughter.

"Renesmee, darling, none of this was your fault," Edward said softly.

"I know, Daddy," she replied quietly. "I never wanted them to come after me."

Bella kissed her daughter's forehead softly as a silence fell. All of us watching the miraculous little girl who was unlike anything we'd ever seen.

"Would you like anything else?" I asked as I picked up the empty cup.

"More blood?" she asked sweetly. Everyone laughed then.

"You know the rules, Renesmee," Bella reminded her.

"I know. I know. If I want anymore blood I have to ask someone to take me hunting," she grumbled, pouting adorably.

A hour passed this way, the seven of us converged around Nessie, keeping her entertained. Though she entertained us all just as much as we entertained her.

Rosalie and Emmett showed up just as Alice had predicted.

"Auntie Rosalie," Nessie exclaimed happily, jumping out of her seat and skipping over to Rosalie to give her a hug. Rosalie genuinely beamed as she bent down to hug the little girl.

"And what about your Uncle Em? Don't I get a hug?"

"Hmm…" Nessie said. She placed her finger to her mouth and tilted her head to the side as if she was thinking about it.

"That sarcastic side. She gets that from you, Edward," Jasper said to his brother.

"No, that's all Bella," Edward replied with a smirk at his wife.

"Oh no, don't you try and blame me for this one, Edward Cullen."

"I think we can all agree that you're both to blame," Carlisle added.

"Thanks, Dad. Who's side are you on, anyway?" Edward asked him with faked exasperation.

Carlisle held his arms up in surrender. "I'm impartial," he explained.

"Wrong answer, honey, you're on my side," I told him with a smirk, causing all my children to laugh.

"Always," Carlisle whispered in my ear, hugging me from behind. "And did you just call me 'honey'?" he added threateningly. I instantly jumped away expecting him to start tickling me.

"DON'T!" Edward and Alice exclaimed, which only increased everyone else's laughter.

"You know that never was explained to me," Bella said thoughtfully.

"It's better that way," Edward told her. "Trust me!"

"I don't think I've ever heard this story," Emmett – who had finally gotten his hug from Nessie – called, walking into the kitchen with the little girl in his arms, and Rosalie beside them.

"What story?" Nessie asked inquisitively.

Six pairs of golden eyes and one pair of chocolate ones turned to stare at me and my husband. I turned to look at Edward, but he was only smirking at us, enjoying our discomfort but safe in the knowledge we wouldn't tell the full story to his young daughter.

"Your Grandpa doesn't like nicknames. Let's just say, Grandmamma discovered this a long time ago."

"You don't like nicknames?" Nessie asked her grandfather, who shook his head. "I like mine," she proclaimed.

"Don't let the dog hear you say that," Rosalie murmured.

"Would anyone care to join me in a game of 'make up as many nicknames for Carlisle as possible'?" Emmett asked with a grin in his father's direction. Carlisle only rolled his eyes.

"Did you learn that eye roll of Rosalie as well?" Alice asked him, causing everyone to laugh once more, except Rosalie who tutted.

"No, Edward," Carlisle replied calmly, which only increased the laughter. Even Rosalie was laughing and Edward happily enjoyed the joke made at his expense.

"Oh!" I said, clapping my hands together excitedly as I remembered my comment from yesterday. Edward and Alice were both smiling at me, knowing what I was about to say.

"What?" several voices asked.

"I believe," I began with mock seriousness, "That it's Cullen Family hug time!" I ended with a squeal.

"Really, Esme?" Rosalie sighed.

"Don't make me go get my coupon." A quick kiss from my husband informed me I was pouting. He had never been able to resist me when I pouted.

"Whose ideas were those again?" Rosalie asked. Edward, Alice, and Jasper all pointed at Emmett. "Of course," Rosalie sighed.

Nessie jumped down from her Uncle's arms and skipped over to me.

"Well, I'll hug you, Grandmamma," she proclaimed. I picked her up and hugged her lovingly. Carlisle wrapped his arms around the both of us, soon followed by Alice and then Emmett. Bella came and placed her hand on Nessie's head and Edward came and did the same, wrapping his arm around his wife as well. Jasper came over and hugged Alice. I heard an harassed sigh from behind Emmett, but I saw Rosalie's arm appear on his.

"Thank you," I murmured gratefully. "I love you all."

"We love you too," was murmured from all sides. I felt Carlisle give me a gentle kiss on the side of my head, and Nessie tightened her tiny arms around me. For a few seconds, nobody spoke and I felt perfectly at peace. I was where I belonged, surrounded by my family. Just twenty four hours previously, I had thought the only way we could all be together again was in the afterlife, but I was wrong. And I had never been so happy to be proved wrong.

"Maybe we should break this up now?" Emmett finally suggested.

"Probably for the best," a different voice answered and we all sprang apart. Fully-focused on my family, I had not been paying attention to the sounds of their arrival.

Nessie jumped out of my arms and ran across the room shouting, "Jakey!" before throwing herself into his arms.

"Hey, Ness."

Once this welcome was completed, two very amused looking werewolves turned to look at us.

"I take it we walked in on a family moment?" Seth asked with smile. There were several mumbled agreements.

"Jakey and Seth didn't get to be a part of the Cullen Family hug," Nessie pointed out.

"Well, we're not doing another one," Rosalie said quickly.

"That's because we're not members of the Cullen Family," Jacob told Nessie.

"After all you've done for us, you can always consider yourself as having a family here," I said to them softly. Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"See," Nessie said to Jacob reproachfully.

"You know the supernatural order's really out of whack when the vampire parents start adopting werewolves," Seth joked. "But really, thank you," he added genuinely, giving us a warm smile.

"Yes," Jacob agreed. "Thank you."

Edward sighed. "A few months ago nobody in this room would have believed these words, but we're glad to have you, Jacob. And you too, Seth, of course."

"Of course," Bella agreed.

"If I could only see you," Alice murmured wishfully. "But that aside, I suppose you're OK."

"You're certainly the best set of 'enemies' I've ever had," Jasper added.

"Anyone up for some vampire v. werewolf wrestling?" Emmett asked.

"Don't mind, Emmett. That's just his way of welcoming people to the family," Edward informed them.

"Even if it's blaringly obvious the newcomer's going to kick his butt every time," Jasper added with a smirk over at his brother.

"Sure, Emmett," Jacob agreed readily, shaking his head in amusement. Then he turned his attention to Rosalie who was stood next to him. "

And what about your thoughts, Blondie?"

"No comment," she replied coldly. Everyone turned to look at her. "Fine," she sighed. "I guess you're not too bad," she admitted unwillingly.

"Please tell me someone got that on video," Jacob begged.

"Why?" Nessie asked.

"So I can watch it repeatedly."

"Like this?" Nessie asked, placing her hand to Jacob's face.

Jacob chuckled. "That's brilliant."

"Would you like something to eat?" I asked Seth.

"Yes, please."

"I don't know why I even bothered to ask," I murmured, causing a few titters.

"Can I have something as well please, Esme?" Jacob asked.

"Why don't you try some as well, Nessie?" Carlisle suggested.

The little girl gave a long-suffering sigh. "You're going to keep trying, aren't you, Grandpa?" she said exasperatedly.

"Grandpa's right, Ness," Edward told her. "It's good for you to try things."

"Fine," she agreed willingly enough. "It won't taste nice though, Daddy. I promise."

I quickly cooked up some breakfast for the wolves with a little help from Bella.

Everyone was laughing and joking around the table when we returned into the dining room with food.

Nessie took one bite of her scrambled eggs and declared it 'yucky', while the wolves quickly began devouring everything.

My husband took my hand gently underneath the table, and I couldn't help but smile. My smile only grew as I surveyed everyone around the table.

_My family. Safe and sound._

**~End Part Five~**

* * *

**So that's the end of Breaking Dawn, the end of Part Five, and the last chapter. **

**Just an epilogue to go and then it truly is the end.**


	106. Epilogue: One Hundred Years

**So this turned into a very lengthy epilogue – I hope you enjoy this last look into Carlisle and Esme.**

* * *

2021

_Esme_

For a few seconds, I stared at the grave and didn't know what to say. A human would not have been able to read the engraving in the dim dawn light, but I could with ease. The name that still held a special place in my heart, and the date of the day that had changed my life forever.

"Hello, William," I murmured to his tiny grave. "I'm sorry I didn't visit earlier." It had been a hundred years, to the day, since my son – as well as myself – had died. In all that time I had never managed to visit his grave – this small, and only, monument to my son's too short life. If I had been able to do so, I would have visited while we had been living in Ashland. But once we had left it seemed unnecessary to return until today. I could mourn and miss my son without physically being here with him. Yet for today - for this morbid anniversary - I had felt that I had to make my first – and I was determined for it to be only - trip to my son's final resting place.

I felt the gentle pressure of my husband's hand within mine, while I struggled with what else there was to say. For I had already said it all, in one form or another, and now that I was here, I felt no need to say any of it again. I was suddenly wondering why I had asked Carlisle to come here with me. Why I had bothered to come at all. It wasn't necessary for me to be here, not even on today.

"Goodbye," I finally murmured. I took a small step forward to gently place the flowers I had brought with me on his grave. Carlisle had got them for me.

"Do you know what the flowers mean, Esme?" Carlisle asked quietly as I stepped back to his side, my eyes still on the beautiful blooms.

I shook my head in reply.

"The cyclamen – the little pink ones – mean resignation and goodbye," he explained softly. That seemed appropriate. "The day lilies are the Chinese emblem for Mother. And that's something you'll always be, Esme. To William and to our children. The white carnations stand for innocence and for pure love – like the love a mother has for her child. But the rose leaves – they stand for hope, and there's always that for us, dear."

I turned my attention to him fully. His golden eyes brimmed with compassion and adoration.

"I don't need hope, I have you," I replied softly, trying my hardest to make my complete sincerity show in my words. "You're more than I would ever have dared to hope for."

"I would say the same about you, dear," was his gentle reply. I could tell from his voice and the affectionate look in his eyes that he was being sincere too, not that he'd ever given me any reason to ever doubt him.

"Let's go," I suggested quietly. Without a word, Carlisle followed me out of the graveyard. I felt strangely at peace, and my doubts about the need to come here melted away. It had finally given me a chance to say goodbye to William, and in doing so I realized that I had truly accepted his death, and that, despite the horrific fate we had both shared, I should celebrate all the good things I had gained in my life since that horrendous day exactly a hundred years ago.

"I wonder where they would have buried me?" I asked, merely thinking out loud.

Carlisle sighed quietly before composing himself to answer.

"Don't," I said gently. "I shouldn't have said anything. I know they would have buried me in an unmarked grave. Or under my sister's name if they'd actually bothered." I felt a dash of sadness as I realized that, somewhere in a graveyard in Columbus, there would be a gravestone with my sister's name on it. The hundredth anniversary of her death had just gone by too, though when exactly it was I had never learnt.

"Though I don't see why they would have," I continued my previous train of thought. " I don't even understand why the hospital, or whoever, gave William a proper grave. I mean who paid for it?"

"Um," Carlisle began and again I cut him off.

"You did," I answered my own question. My lips formed into a half-smile - it was just the sort of thing my caring husband would do.

"Thank you," I whispered to him emotionally.

"It's the least I could do," Carlisle whispered back. A contemplating silence fell between the two of us as we walked towards the edge of the graveyard.

"Can we go see the old house?" I asked, my voice became much more chirpier than it had been a minute ago. I no longer felt the need for extended grief where William was concerned. I knew in my heart that I was sorry for death, but I had realized a long time ago that I should not allow it to stop me from enjoying the present.

"Of course, dear," Carlisle agreed readily, his own voice much happier as well.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"I think I may need to dust in here," I announced as I looked around the old house.

"Well, we haven't been here in a hundred years, what did you expect?" Carlisle replied jokingly. Our melancholic mood from earlier seemed to have cleared.

The sun poking through the curtains caught my eye as dawn truly broke. I smiled happily at the memory connected to the sight.

"Thinking about your first time in the sun?" Carlisle asked lightly.

"Literally or metaphorically? Because they both happened here in this house," I replied softly.

Carlisle just smiled kindly in response. No words needed to be spoken for me to know he had understood what I meant.

Slowly, I moved over to the stream of light. With careful, measured movements, I placed my hand into the light. The glittering reflection I was now so use to appeared on my skin. With a little giggle, I began swirling my hand around, making the colours blur and creating patterns that lingered briefly in the air before fading.

Carlisle's merry chuckle sounded from behind me, and I heard the sound of his sweeping strides towards me before his hand captured mine. Both of our hands sparkled in the sun, becoming one joint glimmer. It felt highly symbolic somehow, perhaps it was just that I was still in a reflective mood from earlier, but this simple gesture felt like a significant moment. It represented Carlisle and I together, and to me, that was the most important occurrence of all time.

Carlisle was the first to break the silence which felt like it had stretched on for all eternity, though in reality it had surely only been a minute at most.

"I kind of wish it was snowing," he announced, his voice deadly serious. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips and I turned slightly to look at my husband incredulously.

"It's May, darling. It doesn't snow in May," I replied, unable to help the slightly patronizing tone to my voice. Carlisle simply chuckled at me.

"It was just a random thought," my husband explained patiently. "My angel," he added with a teasing glint to his eye.

I laughed merrily as the memory he was referencing came to mind and his sudden desire for snow made a lot more sense.

"You're a fool, you know that?" I asked teasingly.

My husband used our still inter-locked hands to pull me closer to him, until I was pressed up against him, forced to look up to see his face.

"But I'm your fool," he whispered tenderly.

"That you are," I replied lovingly. I stood up on my tiptoes to press my lips against his.

"You know, Esme, if you're going to call me by nicknames, we should probably go up to my old office to be true to the memory." His soft voice was tantalizing to me.

"That was in Canada," I corrected him teasingly.

"I know," Carlisle admitted softly. "But unfinished business is unfinished business, and the location didn't seem too important."

"Couldn't agree more."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

Once more today, I found myself walking through a graveyard with my husband. This time, influenced by my thoughts this morning, I was at the one in Columbus.

"Too old," my husband told me, reading the dates on the gravestones opposite us. We moved stealthily through the graveyard, as the years began to get closer to the one I searched for.

"Died 19th March 1921," I read off a nearby graveyard.

"We must be close," Carlisle informed me unnecessarily. My eyes scanned all the nearby gravestones, but it was Carlisle who found hers first.

"Over here," he called, and there was something unnatural to his voice. I hurried over to his side and quickly saw what had caused his discomfort. For on the stone was not only the one name I was looking for, but three others beside it. I re-read the message several times over just to let it sink in.

_Grace Marie Platt: 1/9/1904 – 2/14/1921. __And in memory of her loving sister, Esme Anne Evenson, who disappeared on the 10/25/1920. Also their father, Henry John Platt: 11/15/1868 – 1/7/1922. And his wife, Ruth Margaret Platt: 12/12/1871 – 3/8/1924_

"They put me on it," I whispered disbelievingly at last. "And they didn't hide Grace away in shame. They were willing to be buried with her."

"Your parents had their faults, Esme, but that doesn't mean they never loved you. Or Grace," Carlisle murmured to me quietly. He had told me this countless times before and yet I had never been able to believe him up until now. Until I saw this proof that maybe, behind it all, they had.

I placed flowers on their grave, similar to how I had earlier at William's. There was no special meaning behind these flowers, they were simply ones we had picked up on our way here, but the gesture held the same significance to me. This was my final goodbye.

"I forgive you," I whispered to the grave.

"We should go," I said to my husband. As we continued down the row away from my parents and my sister, the name on one of the gravestones caught my eye. It took me a short while of searching through the fuzzy memories for me to place it as belonging to my aunt. I realized that most of the people I had once known as a human would be buried nearby, including Charles. I came to this comprehension with a comforting calmness. With a sudden burst of insight into my own mind, I recognized that I no longer feared Charles Evenson. The very name which used to panic me when I simply thought it now went through my mind like any other passing thought would. I had made my peace with my memories of him. When I thought of him now, I actually did so with pity. For he had lived his life without ever knowing what it felt like to love. He had been willing to marry a woman he had known had not loved him, and, while I had done the same, he had been in a position to refuse. He was a victim in our marriage as well, only he had been his own victim. Right to the very bitter end.

Inexplicitly, I laughed. It was laugh of relief. Carlisle -who had been walking alongside me in silence, instinctively knowing that I needed a few moments to think – turned to look at me inquisitively.

I shook my head at him, unable to explain this bizarre light-headed feeling. It felt immensely liberating to realize that I now not only no longer feared Charles, but that I actually pitied him.

"Esme? Are you alright?" Carlisle asked cautiously. But he also had a small smile upon his face, as if he knew that I was happy.

"I feel … free. And at peace, with who I am and who I was. And with just… everything!" I exclaimed joyously. I knew that I must have been positively beaming at him.

Carlisle laughed happily at my answer, his face lit up with his delight for me.

There was a skip to my step as I left the graveyard. My arm was linked with Carlisle's, who never let go despite me jolting him with my energetic movements.

"How strange," I murmured reflectively, "That I would make peace with myself on the anniversary of my death."

"It's not strange at all," Carlisle told me. "After all, it's not surprising you should feel reflective today of all days." We had arrived back at our car now, and Carlisle held my door open for me. I smiled fondly at the affectionate gesture from a now long gone era.

"So," Carlisle began cheerfully as he began to drive. "You've got me thinking about the next hundred year anniversary coming up."

"Hmm… and what would that be I again?" I asked with faked thoughtfulness. Carlisle simply smiled indulgently at me.

"And what brilliantly clichéd gift will I be getting this year, Dr. Cullen?" I asked him teasingly.

"Hey!" he protested half-heartedly. "I've got a lot better in the last fifty years."

"True. Nothing will ever beat Isle Esme though."

"That sounds like a challenge, my dear," Carlisle commented with a smirk.

I sighed at my husband and shot him a glare.

"Carlisle Cullen, you know full well it wasn't," I told him sternly.

"Well, wait and see, my dear. Wait and see."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

My mind was on my wedding anniversary as I watched the children file out of the classroom. One of the little boys turned back to smile and wave at me, and I smiled happily as I waved back.

I looked around the classroom with a content sigh. It was currently decorated in all manner of homemade paper chains, tinsel, and anything the children could decorate with glitter.

_My classroom._

Though I had attended college many times and had often vaguely discussed the idea as a possibility with Carlisle, I had never actually gotten myself a job before now, generally preferring to throw myself into my latest project whenever we moved house. There had never seemed to be any point behind me working – it was hardly like we needed the money. Carlisle worked because he wished to help people, but I had never thought there was a job that I could do that which would do the same, and it seemed silly to work for no reason.

I smiled softly as I remembered how it had all come about. It had been Alice's idea, as these things usually were.

Her and Jasper were the only ones who were currently living with Carlisle and I, once more going through the American education system. The idea was that high school had always been the greatest challenge to Jasper's control and he had never given up his hope of one day having the same control as the rest of us, forcing himself to struggle through again and again. To his credit, while he would never possess the same level of control as other members of my family, he was certainly improving, albeit slowly.

A few weeks after my visits to my family's graves, Alice had simply skipped over to me, passed me her laptop, and told me to consider it.

The page she had left open had been the website for a local school for children with learning disabilities.

It had turned out better than I had imagined it would. Despite Alice's reassurances, I had worried that the children would be scared and unsettled because of me, as humans often were. But as I soon discovered, the innocence of children has no boundaries.

It gave me great joy to be able to help these children the same way I had once tried to help Grace. So much had been learned about illnesses like hers in the past century, and it excited me to be a part of that progress, no matter how small my part was.

I gently rearranged a Christmas card one of the children had given me. Today had been the last day before their holiday and, though I would miss my pupils, I couldn't be saddened by the thought, for I would have a lot to celebrate this Christmas.

The sound of footsteps and two overly familiar scents pulled me from my thoughts. My smile only widened as the pair of them walked in. Even after fifteen years, the sight of the two of them together still made me happy.

"Hello, Edward. Hello, Bella," I called. "What are you doing here?"

The pair of them were currently at college together – only half an hour (at vampire driving speed) from us. Edward was gaining yet another medical degree, but had confessed to his father and me that he wished to actually attempt to make use of it this time, following in his father's footsteps, much to Carlisle's delight. Bella was studying English Literature, which she had confessed to Edward would have been what she would have studied in college if she had ever considered attending an actual option as a human.

"Hi Esme, we're here to kidnap you," Edward announced quite cheerfully. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"This has something to do with whatever Carlisle's been planning, doesn't it?" I asked exasperatedly, but was unable to keep my smile widening just a little bit more.

"And he thought he'd hidden it from you so well," Edward replied sarcastically. "Now follow us."

"Do I have a choice in the matter?"

"No!" they both replied promptly. I followed my two children quite contently until we came to Edward's latest car. He was immensely proud of it, because it had some… new fangled thing bob.

"I see your knowledge of cars is as up to scratch as ever, Esme," Edward joked.

"They've gotten more confusing as the decades go on," I replied light-heartedly. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Maybe," Bella replied with a slight smirk

"Where?" I asked, but not expecting a proper answer.

"That'd be telling," Edward replied mockingly, his smirk wide across his face.

"Will I be back in time for my anniversary or do I need to go get Carlisle's present from the house?"

"Already in the trunk," they informed me.

"Of course," I murmured, but not unhappily.

I quite willingly got into the backseat of my son's car. My mind was as busy as a beehive, quickly considering different location possibilities.

_Are any of them right? _I asked my son with insatiable curiosity.

"If I tell Esme, it ruins the surprise," he replied cheerfully.

_Please?_

He only laughed at me. "Bella, darling, do you think you could please shield my uncontrollably curious mother so I don't have to listen to her pleas?"

Bella merely giggled in amusement in reply but I assumed she did as he asked.

"Humph!" I sighed, throwing myself back into the seat and crossing my arms in exaggerated annoyance.

My mind continued to consider all the different possibilities as Edward drove, only occasionally interrupted by Bella warning him to be careful, much to his amusement.

As the car finally began to slow to a stop, I looked out the window, excited. My excitement quickly turned to confusion, and I felt my brow furrow before I turned to look at Bella and Edward. They both laughed at my expression.

"Merely a stop on the way, Esme," Edward informed me.

We all got out of the car at what appeared to be a very normal filling station.

I followed Edward and Bella as they began to head for the café at the side of the station.

"Um, why are we-" I began to ask the question but Edward cut me off.

"Simply a rendezvous," he explained.

"OK. Whatever you say, Edward. You're the kidnapper in this situation."

It was just a simple café, the sort you could find anywhere beside America's highways, but it could have been the most exquisite restaurant in the world and the group sat together in the far corner would still have stood out a mile.

"Grandma and Grandpa are here," I heard a little boy say.

"And Great-Grandma," his twin added. Their parents quickly reminded them to keep their voices down, least someone should hear and wonder how on earth two teenagers and a woman in her mid-twenties could be a set of grandparents and a great-grandmother.

"Hello, Carl. Hello, Emmy," I said to them warmly as I arrived at their table.

They were three years old now in human years, and physically about five. The vampiric half of their mother was counter-balanced by her husband's relative humanity, meaning their development was not as speedy as hers. The only negative side to this was that, just as when Nessie was a child, we did not know if they were immortal or not. The other question about their genetics centred around Jacob's werewolf genes. While Carlisle had confirmed that they did indeed carry the werewolf gene, we did not know if it would be triggered or not. For it was triggered by the presence of vampires, and they were themselves a quarter vampire. We would have no way of knowing until they reached their teens, when we would have to look out for the tell-tale signs.

Throughout the early years of their marriage we had thought that Nessie and Jacob had been genetically incompatible, as Nessie suffered heart-breaking miscarriage after miscarriage. I remembered her as she sobbed inconsolable to Bella and me, after she had lost yet another baby. They had actually given up by the time Carl and Emmy were conceived. They were a 'mistake' and they were the most celebrated pair of mistakes that ever existed.

We had all been delighted when Nessie and Jacob showed up on our doorstep with Nessie spurting a baby bump. Nessie's pregnancy had lasted a total of six months, more progressive than a normal pregnancy but no where near as bad as her mother's had been. They did not tell any on us – even Nessie's parents - until she was already three months pregnancy, past the stage when all the other babies had been lost. They moved in with us once again for the last three months, so that Carlisle could keep a close watch on her as her pregnancy continued to progress. Unlike Bella, she gave birth naturally, spending just over a day in labour.

After meeting my new great-grandchildren for the first time I had thought that things could not simply getting any better. That I could not possibly get any happier. This was quickly proved wrong when I was told the name of the children. Carlisle and Esme Black. The nicknames Carl and Emmy quickly came into use to stop confusion.

"Guess where we're going?" Carl asked me excited. He was a miniature version of Jacob, except with his mother's and grandmother's chocolate brown eyes.

"We're going to-" Emmy began before I could answer, but her voice became muffled as her father covered her mouth. She had the same copper curls as Nessie, and vivid green eyes that Carlisle informed us all came from Edward and Elizabeth Masen.

"Sshhh, Emmy," Carl scolded his twin. "Grandma Esme's not allowed to know, remember?"

Emmy nodded to show her understanding and Jacob removed his hand from her mouth. Nessie laughed gently at her children's antics.

As I sat down beside Nessie, I looked around at the large group converged around several tables.

Rosalie and Emmett were sat together at the very edge of the group. They were currently living together as a married couple. Rosalie had set up her own garage for high-end cars, with Emmett working alongside her. Rosalie loved getting to work on cars every day, and Emmett, as always, was more than happy to indulge her. Most people who brought their cars into the garage expected Emmett to be the main mechanic, and, in Emmett's word, the looks of their faces when they realized it was actually Rosalie was priceless. He had set up a secret camera to capture the various bemused experiences that graced Rosalie's customers faces and had created many (I have to admit incredibly hilarious) videos out of them. They had actually been a major hit on YouTube, and since neither of their faces were ever displayed it seemed harmless enough.

"Would you two care to elaborate what's going on?" I asked them half-heartedly.

"No, can do," Emmett replied cheerfully.

"Did you honestly think that work?" Rosalie asked scornfully.

"No," I admitted.

Emmy giggled happily then and I couldn't help but turn my attention back to her.

Alongside my granddaughter and her family were her husband's pack and their families.

Seth was entertaining Emmy by helping her do the colour-in sheet provided by the café. It was a large picture of a dinosaur and he had been pretending to be a dinosaur a moment ago, which was what had caused the little girl to giggle.

It had greatly amused Edward to watch Jacob's reaction when Seth arrived to meet the twins for the first time, only to instantly stare unbelievingly at Emmy. Jacob had groaned in annoyance while Edward and Bella had roared with laughter, amused to see Jacob suffer through exactly the same thing that they had with him.

I had merely been happy for the poor lad. After watching the pain his sister went through after Sam imprinted on Emily, he had been determined that he could never date someone he had not imprinted upon, and had suffered years of loneliness due to this kind-heartened gesture.

His sister was sat beside him with her husband sat next to her. I had not seen Leah in years, as she had been generally avoided vampire contact ever since she undertook the decision to stop phasing and live a normal life. She had moved away to Seattle and it was there that she'd met Joe. She had tried to hide her past from him until she finally broke down and admitted the truth. The other wolves had been furious, for she had broken the laws of secrecy, but Jacob and Seth had supported her. We learnt all this through Seth, the only one of us she had still been in contact with.

It had come as a great surprise when I received a invitation to her wedding. At the bottom she had scrawled, _I know this is unusual, but I wanted to thank you for the help, for without you I would never have met Joe or had the courage to love him._ She was referring to a conversation I had finally had the courage to strike up with her at Sam and Emily's wedding. She had been stood slightly apart from the rest of the wedding party, watching the bride and groom with pain in her eyes, no matter how badly she had tried to hide it. In that second I had decided I had to try and help her, no matter how useless my attempt would probably turn out to be.

She had looked at my disgusted when I walked over to her, but I'd ploughed on regardless.

"I know you probably don't want advice from a vampire, Miss. Clearwater, but I'm going to give you some anyway. I know you're hurting right now, but it does no good to dwell on the bad, trust me. I won't give you the details, but none of the females in my family come from exactly cheerful backgrounds. I know you'll be fed up of hearing people tell you this, but, you have to move on. I've always told myself there's no point leaving in the past when you could be enjoying the present, and looking forward to the future."

"Why, thank you," she had huffed sarcastically in reply before storming off, but obviously she had taken my words to heart in the end.

Leah was in conversation with her mother, Sue Swan, who was sat opposite her.

Charlie, now in his early fifties, sat beside Sue and was actively engaged in a conversation with Bella and Edward. We didn't know what exactly Sue had told Charlie, but he seemed to still be acting on the premise of need to know. At least he didn't appear to know what we were. Even if he did know the secret we could entrust the wolf pack to try and keep him safe from the Volturi.

He was still in fine health, but the grey hairs and wrinkles were a reminder to Bella that she would one day lose her father irretrievably. She had been much shaken up when she had finally cut all ties with Renee – she knew her mother could never know the truth and so we'd had no other choice but to inform Renee that her daughter 'had died of her illness.' It seemed callous, but, as I'd pointed out to Bella, the only thing worse than losing a child was never knowing what happened to them.

I watched them all for a minute – these people that I considered members of my extended family.

"Seriously, what is going on?" I asked curiously. This question was met with general merriment but no answer.

Carlisle was conspicuous only by his absence, as were Alice and Jasper.

"Were are Alice and Jasper?" I asked, knowing any questions about Carlisle's whereabouts would go unanswered.

"With Carlisle," Edward told me.

"Alice is involved with whatever he's planning?" I asked with trepidation. A few people laughed at my reaction.

Just then a very bemused looking waitress arrived with food for all the humans, werewolves, and hybrids.

Nessie began to happily tuck into a pizza. As she grew older she had, under Jacob and the other wolves' influence, picked up a penchant for junk food, much to her parents' and grandfather's disgust.

"What anniversary is this for you anyway, Esme?" Joe asked politely.

"Oh, um," I stammered, not certain how he would react to the truth. Though he knew about the supernatural world, Leah and him still tried to stay as detached as possible. I think Leah liked to imagine it never happened, making their presence here an even bigger mystery to me.

"Hundredth," Carl promptly answered for me.

"Hun…dreth?" Joe repeated, bemused. "I'm not even going to ask."

"I usually find that's for the best," Charlie told him comfortingly.

"A hundred years of marriage…" Sue muttered thoughtfully. "It's hard to imagine."

"After the first fifty you get used to it," Emmett remarked cheerfully.

"Really?" Rosalie asked him sarcastically. "Because after eighty six years you still haven't learnt how not to piss me off."

"Language, Blondlilocks," Jacob scolded light-heartedly, looking down at his children significantly.

"Huh, I'm sure that used to be my line," I muttered light-heartedly.

"You call her Blondilocks too?" Jacob asked jokingly. "Good to know."

"Auntie Blondilocks," Emmy sang.

"Nessie-" Rosalie began.

"My husband's an idiot? I know, Auntie Rosalie, I know."

"But you love me anyway," Jacob teased, kissing her gently on the cheek.

"For some unfathomable reason," Nessie muttered good-naturedly under her breath. Jacob simply laughed.

"Will you come in the car with us this time, Grandma Esme?" Emmy asked once everyone had finished eating.

"If your parents don't mind, sweetheart," I replied. "And if my kidnappers will allow it," I added with a glare at Edward and Bella.

"I think we can trust Jake and Ness to keep an eye on you," Edward replied, to much laughter.

Carl and Emmy kept up a constant stream of chatter on the way to the car and while we were in it. They had both just fallen asleep when Nessie looked at me thoughtfully and said,

"You know what I've been thinking about?"

"What?" Jacob and I asked.

"Slapping kittens," she replied with a serious face. I rolled my eyes at her.

Jake, meanwhile, said, "Is there something I need to know about the woman I'm married to?"

"Oh, ha-de-ha," his wife replied sarcastically.

"Why were you thinking about that of all things?" I asked curiously.

"No particular reason, I was just thinking about you and Granddad."

"I'm still confused," Jacob admitted. "Do Carlisle and Esme abuse animals now? I mean aside from the obvious killing and draining them thing. But slapping kittens? That's a new low even for vamps." The last part was said jokingly. There was no amenity between us and the werewolves (or shape-shifters even) now.

"Do you remember the day when I was five – slash a teenager – and I found out about imprinting and the rest of it?"

"Yes," Jacob replied cautiously.

As we had all long feared, there had come a day when Nessie had ventured to ask Jacob about why he was such a big part of her life. Unfortunately, this conversation had opened a rather large can of worms surrounding the issue of Jacob, Bella, and Edward in the period pre-Nessie. Eventually, the truth about Jacob's previous feelings for her mother had been mentioned, and Nessie threw what could only be described as a teenaged fit. She had locked herself in her room, and we had all been treated to loud music of a genre I couldn't even specify (and I'm quite happy to keep things that way.) Jacob had been unceremoniously (i.e. shouted at through a door) told to go away and that she never wanted to see him again. Bella and Edward's attempts had only been greeted with a string of insults, before being thoroughly ignored, as where Rosalie and Emmett's. Alice had announced she could see there was no point her even trying, and so it had been left to Carlisle and me to try and calm her down.

Though she had ignored our requests to come in at first, just the same as she had everyone else, she did eventually relinquish and open the door. Her reason for this was quickly explained as she sat on her bed with a harassed sigh, informing us that she couldn't be angry with us two, for it would be like slapping a pair of kittens. It had taken a while, but we had finally managed to calm her down and to get her to agree to talk to her parents and Jacob again. Though the issue had not gone away instantly, Nessie did slowly learn to adjust to the idea that what had happened with Jacob and her mum was in the past, and that, if she wished to be, she was Jacob's future.

Jacob laughed as Nessie explained the story to him.

"It's a good analogy," he told me.

"Thanks," I replied tiredly with another roll of my eyes. The pair of them simply chuckled at me.

I looked out the window, trying to gauge once more where we were. I didn't even bother to ask this time round. We must have travelled like this for just over half an hour when Nessie got a text message. She smiled, amused, at the message on the screen.

"Jake, can we pull over a minute," she requested.

"Sure, sure."

"Why? What now?" I asked seriously.

"According to Auntie Alice, it's time that I put a blindfold and ear plugs on you so you truly have no idea where we're are going."

"Seriously?" I requested exasperatedly, but my curiosity only increased.

"Seriously," Nessie repeated gravely.

"Why do I always end up blindfolded on my major anniversaries?" I muttered to myself.

Up front, Jacob started to guffaw with laughter.

"Do I even want to ask?" Nessie asked rhetorically.

"Tell your husband to get his mind out of the gutter," I answered tiredly. Jacob only laughed harder until Nessie hit over the back of the head, Rosalie-and-Emmett-style.

I sighed. "Go ahead. Let's get this show on the road."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

I felt the car come to a stop, being unable to see or hear it. My senses had just about got use to being cut off in this way.

The next thing I knew someone took the earplugs out, their scent told me it was Nessie.

An onslaught of sound attacked me then, but I quickly managed to untangle it. I could hear Nessie shout something to her father and mother, and that Jacob was playing with his children.

"Can I take the blindfold off now as well?" I asked the group in general.

I heard footsteps coming towards me and then Edward and Bella, again I could tell by their scents, linked an arm each through mine.

"Nope, we have some else to take you, Mom." It was Bella who said this, and as always I felt a burst of proud when she called me 'Mom'. It showed she considered me worthy of replacing the mother she had lost.

"This is getting vaguely ridiculous," I sighed. "Even by Cullen family standards."

"You shouldn't lay down challenges if you don't want people to accept them," Edward teased.

"Carlisle's been planning this – whatever this is – since we got back from Columbus, hasn't he?" I asked, not in the least bit surprised by this revelation.

"Of course."

The pair of them were guiding me now. I heard a door open and I could tell they were leading me into a building. I followed them unquestioningly, knowing any queries would go unanswered. They lead me through a corridor and into a different room. We continued to walk, it felt like an aisle, though I could feel the space of the room around me. It was a large room, wide and high.

"Wait there," Edward told me, and then he and Bella disappeared.

I didn't even have the time to get truly annoyed before a different scent flooded my senses and I smiled. Any annoyance I had been beginning to feel only became excitement as I realized that my curiosity was soon to be answered.

I heard footsteps heading towards me. The door opened and the footsteps walked down the same aisle I just had.

Excitedly, I rushed to take the blindfold off. Just as I had nearly succeeded, the footsteps moved once more, and at same time that the blindfold was thrown to the floor my husband's hand covered my eyes as he stood behind me.

"Close your eyes and don't look until I tell you too," he whispered in my ear. My eyes fluttered close, and at the feel of my eyelashes moving across his palms Carlisle removed his hands.

I heard him move once more, and then after a few seconds he murmured, "Open your eyes, Esme."

Instantly, I did as he commanded, my excitement and curiosity irrepressible. The image that greeted me immediately brought to mind a nearly identical image from over a century ago. Carlisle was knelt down in front of me on one knee, an open ring box in his hand.

"Esme Anne Cullen, I love you with all my heart, and I wish to reaffirm that love to you again, in front of our entire family. So will you marry me? Again."

"Yes," I whispered tenderly. Love overtook me then and I would have been crying with happiness if it was possible.

Carlisle stood up and gently cradling my left hand, he slid the ring on to my ring finger, where it fit snugly above my wedding band and engagement ring.

"It's an eternity ring," he explained softly. "It seemed fitting," he added with a smile.

"It is," I told him affectionately. "Because I'll love you for all of eternity." My lips met my husband's tenderly, and we shared a gentle, loving kiss. We pulled apart at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Time to see the dress, Esme," Alice announced perkily as she walked into the room. For the first time since removing the blindfold, I looked around me properly, having been too absorbed in Carlisle earlier to pay any attention. It was the beautiful place I had always adored. The ornate chapel that Carlisle and I had been married in originally.

"They managed to sneak me all the way up to Canada without me knowing?" I exclaimed, astonished.

"Told you they'd managed it," Alice told Carlisle.

"You truly had no idea?" Carlisle asked hopefully.

"Nope," I admitted. Carlisle grinned happily. "No need to be so smug," I admonished him jokingly.

"Come on you, we have a wedding to prepare for," Alice told me forcefully, and then she began dragging me away. I went along with her happily, though a little upset that my reunion with Carlisle had been so brief.

"When exactly is this wedding?" I asked Alice.

""Three hours," she replied. I looked at her in surprise, then I suddenly realized I had no idea what day it was.

"The 22nd, Esme," Alice replied before I could even ask, as usual. "And it's the 23rd in three hours."

"So we'll be getting married at midnight. Exactly who is conducting this wedding?" I found it hard to believe they had found a vicar who was willing to conduct a midnight wedding.

"We were going to draw straws, but then I knew that I would cheat so that I would win, and when Edward heard me he told the others so they just let me do it." I couldn't help but laugh at this information.

_Same old, same old._

"I got ordained on the internet and everything," Alice finished excitedly.

"So if you're the minister, what's everyone else doing?" For I couldn't believe that if Alice had planned this wedding it would be a simple one like my first had been.

"Rosalie's your maid of honour, because she insisted. Bella's your other bridesmaid. Edward's Carlisle's best man. Nessie going to play the music, because you know she's just as good as her father. Carl's going to be the ring-bearer and Emmy's a flower girl. Emmett and Jasper couldn't make their minds up over who got to 'give you away' so they're both doing it. And everyone else is just guests."

She pulled me into a room where I found my other two daughters, as well as my granddaughter and great-granddaughter.

"Wedding dress time!" Alice chimed, dancing over to pick up a white garment bag. She quickly opened it up and I recognized the dress inside it immediately.

"That's the dress I made," I whispered.

"Personally, I wanted to buy you a designer dress, but Carlisle wouldn't let me and insisted you'd prefer to wear this one again. And then I saw that he was right, so I agreed."

I took the garment off of Alice carefully, holding it through devout fingers. I reminisced about when I had made it, giddy with excitement over the idea of marrying Carlisle. He had been right, no other dress would have been better.

"So the theme is white and gold," Alice told me.

"Very fitting for vegetarian vampires," I joked. I had to assume Rosalie, Bella, and Alice were already changed then. Bella and Rosalie both wore matching dresses of light gold, while Alice's was a dark gold.

For the next few hours, I was forced to be pampered while my daughters and granddaughter set about doing my hair, make-up, and nails. Emmy sat on my lap most of the time, finally falling asleep there. Her mother picked her up and put her on a chair, where she curled up.

"Done!" Alice and Rosalie both said at the same time.

"Go look in the mirror," Alice ordered. I did as she said and then gasped. Somehow, despite wearing the same dress as I had first time round, it looked even better than it had then.

"I am a genius. There's no denying it!" Alice said proudly.

My hair hung loosely, the curls pushed back by the headband of my veil. Rosalie had suggested an up-do but I had vetoed it, for I knew Carlisle loved it best when my curls were free.

A golden sash had been tied round my dress, tied in a bow at the back. The necklace round my neck was my first anniversary present – the first of the 'clichéd' presents. The golden bracelet on my wrist had been one of the follow-ups.

"Something old," Nessie said pointing to my dress. "Something new," she continued, pointing at the golden sash. "You need something borrowed and something blue."

"Oh ye of little faith, Ness. You think I don't have this covered?" Alice asked exasperatedly.

"Silly me," Nessie replied good-naturedly.

"We need to wake Emmy up," Alice told her. Nessie looked at her quizzically. "Just trust me."

"I'll do it," Bella said. The little girl quickly woke from her slumber at the sound of her grandmother's voice.

"Do you remember what you had to give Grandma Esme?" Bella asked her. She nodded excitedly, quickly waking up and skipping over to where I stood. She began rummaging through her pockets before pulling out a little golden heart-shaped brooch.

"Grandma and Granddad give me this because it represents family. I wanted to let you borrow it for today because you're the heart of this family for everyone. That's another reason they gave me it, because I'm named after you," she announced cheerfully. I felt myself well up with emotion and once more today I felt like I should began to cry with happiness.

"Thank you," I whispered emotionally. "I'll pin it right here," I told her as I pinned it to the middle of the golden sash around my waist

"It's look pretty. I want it back after the wedding though."

"Emmy!" her mother and grandmother scolded. I, however, smiled at her.

"She's right. It is supposed to be 'something borrowed' after all. So Alice, what's something blue?"

Alice looked over at Bella.

"It was tricky, but here," Bella told me, passing me a bouquet of orange blossoms.

"Orange blossoms!" I gasped. "Just like first time round…But… they're… orange?"

Everyone laughed aside from Bella.

"I told you she'd do that," Rosalie said smugly.

"Well, Alice gave me the difficult one to do," Bella complained. "How else on Earth was I supposed to fit 'something blue' into her rigid gold and white colour scheme?"

"They're very nice," I told her sweetly to placate her – still not understanding how they fulfilled the role of something blue. "And I much prefer them to blue flowers. It's like being back in the early 1920's."

"Yeah, your soon-to-be-husband-again was determined to go on a serious nostalgia trip," Rosalie remarked

"Were we just mocked by the woman whose number of times getting re-married is now in double figures?"

"Not at all," Rosalie replied innocently.

"I still don't get how orange blossoms are something blue," Nessie announced casually.

"The ribbon," her mother pointed out grumpily. Looking more closely, I noticed that the bouquet was tied together with a thin, blue ribbon.

"Something blue," I said gently.

"You really couldn't think of anything better, Mom?" Nessie asked.

"If you could have thought up something better and got it past Alice, be my guest."

"In my defence, your suggestions did highly reflect on your lack of fashion knowledge and taste," Alice chimed in.

"I have taste," Bella grumbled.

"No, you don't," Rosalie and Alice told her forcefully.

"She's not that bad," Nessie defended her mother.

"Thank you," Bella said to her daughter with a glare at her sisters.

"She has to say that - she's your daughter," Rosalie pointed out.

"And I think she inherited it," Alice added.

"Thanks, Auntie Alice," Nessie said sarcastically.

"Just call them as I see them, Ness."

Both Nessie and Bella were poised to reply when I interrupted them.

"Girls," I scolded lightly.

"Sorry," they all replied guiltily.

"You're all silly," Emmy told them cheerfully.

"Indeed, they are," I agreed with her.

"Who are you calling silly?" Nessie asked her daughter, tickling her and causing the little girl to squeal with laughter.

A knock on the door sounded through the room, followed by Carl's quiet voice calling, "Can I come in?"

Nessie opened the door for her son.

"I need Grandma Esme's wedding ring for the ceremony. And Granddad Carlisle said to put her new one in too," he told her.

"Of course, dear," I told him. I slide both my new eternity ring and wedding ring of my finger and passed them to him. Though I had only just got use to the new eternity ring, it felt unbelievable strange to remove my wedding ring, something I usually only did for decorating, and then I did it unhappily.

"I'm the ring bearer," he told me proudly. "I pass you and Great-Granddad your wedding rings."

"And I think you're going to do an amazing job," I told him.

"Am I going to be a good flower-girl, Grandma?" Emmy asked me excitedly.

"Not as good as I'm going to be," Carl told her smugly.

"I'm sure you'll both be excellent," I told them both reassuringly.

"But I'll be better, right?" Emmy demanded. "I get to skip in front of you and throw flower petals."

"And I'm sure you'll do it well, and your brother will do just as well at his job." She didn't seem truly satisfied with my answer, no doubt unhappy I had not told her she would do better than her brother. If there was one thing I had learnt in both of my careers as a teacher, and as a mother to six teenagers, when it came to children you couldn't always give everyone what they wanted.

I smiled to myself as I considered what Edward's reaction would have been if he had been here to hear me compare him and his siblings to schoolchildren. But though my children were technically grown-up, and married, and in Bella and Edward's case parents and grandparents, they would still always be in my mind my children. I'm sure any mother would agree with me.

That and the fact that sometimes they do still act like children. Just occasionally. Particularly Emmett.

"I have to go get my uncles now anyway," Carl announced.

"I'll come with you," Nessie told him, taking his hand. "I need to get ready at the piano anyway." The two of them left the room.

"I take it that means it's nearly time?" I asked Alice.

"Yep," she replied. "Emmett and Jasper will be here in two minutes, I need to go to the chapel." She also left the room.

I turned my attention back to the mirror briefly. Rosalie came to stand next to me.

"I never have thanked you properly for all you did for me," she said softly, her eyes still on our reflection.

"You're welcome," I replied kindly.

A booming knock sounded through the room.

"Can we come in, ladies?" Emmett shouted.

"Yes," I called back.

"Alice said they'd be ready for us as soon as you are," Jasper told me.

"I'm ready. Rosalie? Bella?"

"Ready," they both replied.

"Emmy?" Bella asked her granddaughter.

"I need my basket."

"Over there," Bella pointed it out and Emmy rushed over to get it.

"Now is everyone ready?" Emmett asked cheerfully.

"Looks like it," Bella replied.

"I think so," I said.

"Nervous?" Emmett asked me jokingly.

"No," I replied with a laugh. "Why would I be?"

"Let's go then," he said. Our small group made its way to the outside of the large doors leading into the chapel.

"Emmy needs to go in front," Bella pointed out and her granddaughter skipped in front of us. Jasper opened the door for her, as Emmett linked his arm through mine and then Jasper linked his through the other one. I heard the music playing from within the chapel change to the Bridal March.

"That's our cue," Emmett remarked.

In step, all three of us walked through the doors with Rosalie and Bella behind us.

My eyes instantly locked onto Carlisle as I began my slow walk down the aisle. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and gold tie. He smiled lovingly at me as I got closer. I briefly noted Edward and Carl at his side.

Emmy had just reached the bottom of the aisle, leaving a path of petals in her wake. She excitedly sent a cloud of orange and gold flower petals up into the air, falling down to Earth onto the bemused bridegroom, best man, ring-bearer, officiate, and closest guests.

I recognized Carlisle's chuckle mingled among the laughter this act brought, as he gently brushed the flower petals of his shoulders.

"Here you go," Emmett announced cheerfully as we reached the end of the aisle and Carlisle took my hand. My sons went and took their seats in the front row beside the beaming Emmy and Seth. Everyone who had been at the café was now a part of the guests.

Passing my bouquet to Rosalie, I linked my other hand with Carlisle's as well. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I looked at him.

_My husband._ I could never tell myself that enough times.

Alice came to stand beside our interlocked hands.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to rejoin Carlisle and Esme in holy matrimony," she announced animatedly. I could tell she was thoroughly enjoying playing minister and in typical Alice-fashion she wasn't going to do anything by halves.

"Because you have shared in their lives by your friendship and love, they requested your presence here at the reaffirmation of their wedding vows. Well, Carlisle requested. Esme didn't have a clue what was going on up until three hours ago." This last part was greeted with much laughter.

"Some clever guy, don't ask me who, once said that 'true love does not wither or die - it merely ripens.' And these two people, who, who are the only parents I've ever known," Alice's voice cracked slightly, and I turned to look at her, but she simply smiled at me before continuing, "are the walking proof of that. And to my brothers, and sisters, and me, they have always been a shining example to us of what true love and a good marriage actually is."

"And so today, on the hundredth anniversary of their wedding -a period of time so long that no human couple have ever managed it- we come together to watch them reaffirm their vows to each other."

She turned to my husband. "Carlisle?"

"Esme, a hundred years ago, I pledged my love and commitment to you, but it seems like only yesterday. I promised to love you, honor you, comfort and keep you.

"And we have stood by each other's side through sorrow and joy, triumph and defeat, sickness and health, and for this I will forever be grateful.

"I have always loved you and will always love you. I thank God for the gift of you but I also thank you. You are part of me, the best part of me. With you by my side, I have grown so much. We have evolved and transformed together. We have endured together, laughed and cried together. We raised a beautiful family together.

"And today, at the beginning of our 101st year as husband and wife, in the presence of God, and our family and friends, I renew my vows to you, pledging my eternal love for you, and eagerly awaiting what life may bring us."

Carlisle's eyes never left mine as he made his speech, and I couldn't help the smile that wouldn't leave my face.

"Esme?" Alice's voice pulled me out of my transfixed state and I suddenly realized I had no idea what I was going to say. I had been too busy concentrating on the idea of marrying Carlisle again.

"I… I love you too." It was all I could think to say. I had no other way of summing up how I felt.

Alice giggled softly. "Repeat after me," she told me. "We're not that cruel, you know."

I suddenly realized my mistake but could not feel embrassed. Not when Carlisle was opposite me smiling.

I repeated the words after Alice had said them.

"Carlisle, I commit myself once again to be your wife, with a joy born of experience and trust. Today, after one hundred years of marriage, and before all our family and friends, I renew my commitment to you. I promise to love and cherish you, respect you and grow with you for all of eternity. This is my solemn vow."

Alice was about to say her next line when inspiration finally hit. Today was about re-affirming our love, and I wanted to do so in my own words as well.

"Carlisle, you are my heart, my best friend, my life.

"Emily Bronte once wrote, _"…he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same…"_ This is how I feel. I am blessed to be your wife. It is an honour to call you my husband. And today, before our children, and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren for that matter, I proudly renew my marriage vow to you."

"Are we fully done now?" Alice asked me, pretending to be annoyed but unable to suppress her smile. There was a few titters from the crowd.

"I love you more than I can ever say," I said to Carlisle lovingly.

"Yeah, I'm done now," I said chirpily, turning to look at Alice with a grin. She rolled her eyes at me and when I turned my head back to look at him I could see that Carlisle was having to suppress his laughter.

"Anyway," Alice began once more, "can you bring the rings now, Carl?"

With a beaming grin, the little boy brought forward an open box continuing both our wedding rings and my new eternity ring.

I gently picked Carlisle's out. It was the same band I had given to him in a wedding ceremony when saying the words to do so had caused me great physical pain. But I had known even then that that short amount of pain would be worth it, for I gained something much more monumental.

"Do you, Carlisle, continue to take Esme as your loving wife? Will you continue to love her, honor her, comfort and treasure her, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," Carlisle replied lovingly. He slide my wedding ring onto my finger.

"For eternity," he added, sliding my new ring on as well to join the others.

"Do you, Esme, continue to take Carlisle as your loving husband? Will you continue to love him, honor him, comfort and treasure him, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," I promised, sliding my husband's ring back onto his hand.

"That's feels better again," he murmured in a whisper only I, and probably Alice, could hear.

"I suppose you can kiss the bride," Alice announced with a smirk.

"My pleasure," Carlisle quipped, before his lips meet mine. Having wanted to do so all ceremony, I did not relinquish them until I heard my son clear his throat.

"Hypocrite," I muttered.

"That was all Bella," Edward replied, earning him a glare off of his wife.

Carlisle began to gently led me down the aisle, our family and friends following us.

I said very little, still over-whelmed by all that had just happened.

As we left the Church, it began to rain confetti on from all sides. I laughed merrily and I heard Carlisle doing the same.

"What's the point of all the confetti again, lil bro?" I heard Emmett ask.

"It has its significance," Edward replied with a laugh. This only caused me to smile more, as I remembered how touched Carlisle and myself had been by him making the effort the first time round.

Somehow, Carlisle managed to lead me through all the confetti to a car which had a 'Just Married Again' written all over it.

"It's the same car we had back then!" I exclaimed.

"Did Esme just recognize a car?" several voices exclaimed in pretend shock. I only giggled happily at them.

Carlisle opened the passenger side door to me, I give him a kiss across the door before getting inside the car.

"It's beginning to snow," my husband murmured as he began to drive.

"Looks like you got your wish then," I teased. "Though it's December, so it's slightly more reasonable."

Before I knew what was happening my husband's hand shot out and was tickling my side.

"Stop it! Stop it!" I squealed. With a laugh, he finally stopped.

"Did you enjoy that part of your anniversary present then, dear?"

"Yes," I replied joyfully. "It was a wonderful idea."

"I know we've never felt the need to reaffirm our vows before, but it only seemed right given it was our hundredth anniversary."

"Indeed. Maybe we should do it every hundred years," I suggested.

"I look forward to seeing you in that dress again in 2121 then, Mrs. Cullen."

"It's a date," I agreed amiably.

I suddenly realized the implications of what he had said earlier. "Wait a minute. What do you mean 'part of my anniversary present'? There's more?"

My husband simply grinned at me.

"You spoil me, Dr. Cullen," I admonished him.

"And I do so with great joy."

Taking his hand of the steering wheel once more, I half expected to be tickled again, but he lifted my hand to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss there.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to the road?" I scolded gently. "I think we've learnt the hard way what nearly happens when you get too distracted."

My husband grinned at me, but dutifully turned his attention back to the road.

I soon recognized the roads we were heading down.

"We're going back to the old house, aren't we?" I asked.

"Today is a day for nostalgia," Carlisle replied cheerily.

Somehow, the rest of the wedding party had beat us there. A large marquee had been resurrected in the garden.

"It's the middle of winter, won't the humans be cold?" I asked, worried.

"That's my Esme, always worrying about everyone else," Carlisle said to me lovingly. "And there's heaters inside."

Everyone applauded as we entered the marquee. A large grouping of tables had been set up at the back, and we took our spots in the middle between Edward and Rosalie.

"Time for speeches!" Alice announced and a hush fell over the group. "Best man, maid of honour, and then the groom. Take it away, Edward."

Edward stood up, looking at his father.

"It's been a hundred and three years since a first became Carlisle's companion. But I've only truly been a part of a family for the last hundred years. Until Esme joined us, we were just two fragmented souls trying to make our way through life. Esme was, and still is, the glue that holds this family together."

"That's why I gave her my heart," Emmy chipped in. "Can I have that back soon?" she asked thoughtfully. A few people in the room giggled.

I unclipped the brooch from the sash round my waist, and it was passed down to Nessie, who attached it to Emmy's top.

"I'm the only person in this room who attended Carlisle and Esme's original wedding a hundred years ago. And, though I didn't realize at the time, I learnt a lot from watching the pair of them fall in love. I mean yes, it was uncomfortable at times. You try being a mind-reader living with a new couple, it's not always fun." That line caused a lot of laughter from the crowd, though I noticed Charlie and Joe's perplexed faces and realized that must have been new information to them.

"But I watched on as my father -a man who already had one of the purest hearts I'd ever met- tried to become an even better man for the woman he loved. I watched Esme -the woman I would quickly come to view as my mother because, to be honest, she's so loving and caring, I didn't really have a choice-" All of my children nodded in agreement with this to everyone's amusement.

"None of us did," Emmett interrupted. "Not that we're complaining."

"Of course not," Alice added.

"Hell no," Jasper exclaimed.

I felt like my heart might just explode with pride.

"Anyway," Edward continued, irritated. "Esme, under the effects of new love, went from a shy, timid creature to the spirited, loving women we all know and adore today.

"But it was only when, eighty-four years later, I first met and fell in love with Bella, that I truly realized all I had learnt from my parents, not just in those early days, but through out the decades. As Alice said in the ceremony, I had a shining example of true love to follow.

"So here's to Carlisle and Esme, and to a love that will never die."

Those who had glasses raised them.

"Here, here," my children shouted, pretending to raise glasses as well. I heard my husband chuckle and I couldn't help but smile, as I realized the memory they were re-enacting. A memory of one of the happiest moments of my life.

A loud round of applause followed this. Once it had died down, Rosalie stood up to make her speech.

"I kind of, well not kind of, I _did _insist on being Esme's mind of honour today. And not, as many of you would undeniably suggest, because I wanted to wear the pretty dress, of have everyone stare at me at the front – though why'd you do that when there's Esme in a wedding dress beside me I don't know." I smiled softly at her for the unexpected compliment. "Or whatever other vain reason you could come up with. No, I wanted to be Esme's maid of honour because I wanted to be there for her, just as she's always been there for me. Even at the start, when I was angry and bitchy." She sighed. "Yes, even angrier and bitchier than I am today. I'm making that joke before any of you dogs even try it.

"Anyway, even back then she was always nice to me. Esme Cullen: the only woman in the world who would be nice to the girl who ripped her arm off. Long story." She hesitated for a moment, thinking.

"I try and come across like a strong, independent woman who doesn't need anybody. But like all women, sometimes there's just a little girl inside me who needs my mother's wise words and comfort. And, luckily for me, I've always had the kindest mother in the world to turn to."

She turned to me. "Thank you, Mom," she whispered.

"You're welcome," I replied softly.

"As for Carlisle and I, well… that's a whole different ball game. Those of you who weren't there really don't need the details."

"Trust her on that," Edward interrupted with a smirk at his sister, who glared back at him. But rather than take the bait she continued with her speech.

"But I have to admit -despite the many, many things I've said over the years- that he's a good man and that he always has the best of intentions at heart. And Esme couldn't find a better match." She looked over at the pair of us and smiled tentatively before sitting down beside me once more.

"Thank you, Rosalie," I heard Carlisle whisper quietly so only she could hear. He had picked up her double meaning as well then, and just like me, he had to know how difficult it would have been for her to get up there and say it in front of everyone.

"You're welcome," she replied just as quietly.

"Your turn, Carlisle," Alice told him. My husband stood up.

"To start with, I'd like to thank you all for coming here today, and going along with my crazy scheme to surprise my wife. I'm still trying to prove to her I am good at buying anniversary presents. You think the private island would have done that, but…"

"Hey!" I protested. "I said you'd gotten better. And when have I ever suggested to you that Isle Esme wasn't a good present?"

"You have an island named after you?" Leah asked me, astonished.

"That was her 50th anniversary present," Carlisle explained to her.

"I never said Isle Esme wasn't a good present!" I complained. "Why would I say that?"

"Haven't we established you're a diva, Esme?" Emmett teased.

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically, crossing my arms defiantly. The next thing I knew I felt my husband's lips graze mine as he bent down to kiss me quickly.

"Was that really necessary?" I heard a voice ask.

"You were pouting," my husband informed me quietly. I heard several groans of despair from our children who were close enough to hear his reply.

"So," Carlisle began to try and bring the focus back to his speech. "I said pretty much everything I need to in my vows. So, all I have to say to you now, Esme, is that I love you. Always have. Always will. And I'll always be eternally grateful that a spirited farm girl in Ohio decided climbing a tree in a corset and full-length skirt was a good idea." He ended his speech with a smile.

"It's not," I informed the room at large.

"I thought good things always happened to you when you fell out of trees?" Rosalie remarked with a smirk.

"I believe you'll find it was my husband who said that. Though it's true for me too." I leant over to kiss my husband who had now sat down beside me once more.

"The bride and groom will now lead us in a first dance," Alice announced cheerfully.

My husband lead me over to the dance floor and I recognized the song as soon as it began to play.

"My favourite," I whispered with a soft smile.

"Edward recorded it for you," Carlisle explained as he began to led me around the dance floor.

"We actually have room this time," I remarked happily. "Not that it mattered first time round. It only mattered that I was dancing with you. As your wife."

"I felt the same, dear. Apart for the wife part, obviously." I rolled my eyes at him.

By this time the music had changed and several more couples had joined us. Rosalie and Emmett were doing a flamboyant routine. Alice and Jasper were slow-dancing, gazing in each others eyes, their attention only for each other. Bella had reluctantly been dragged onto the dance floor by her husband. Being an unusually graceful vampire had not lessened Bella's ingrained hatred of dancing. In a corner of the dance floor, Nessie and Jacob were playing ring-a-ring-a-roses with their children and Seth. Sue was attempting to lead Charlie in a dance, but his daughter had clearly earned her human dancing abilities from him. Leah and Joe were dancing together in a style more normal than anyone else was managing to do.

But I soon forgot about everyone around us as my husband pulled me closer, and ignoring the tempo and style of the changing songs, we slow danced together.

Too soon for my liking, we were interrupted by Alice.

"Time to get changed, Esme," she told me.

"Let me guess, I'm going to the be wearing the purple dress and Carlisle's going to drive me to a house we also own nearby for our honeymoon."

"Either you're the psychic now or this is another nostalgia trip."

"Another nostalgia trip," Carlisle and I replied in unison.

I was soon changed (and it was into the purple dress) and when we left the house, I found everyone had gathered outside the marquee.

Carlisle was already saying his goodbyes and I began mine by hugging my daughter.

"Thank you, Alice. It was wonderful, as is everything you organize."

A small crowd had formed around me. I turned to Edward and Bella first, pulling them both into a tight hug.

"Thank you for the lovely speech, Edward."

"Thank you two for teaching him how to love someone properly," Bella told me jokingly.

Leah and Joe were the next people I turned to. I hesitated over whether to hug them or not.

"You were surprised to see us, weren't you?" Leah asked.

"Yes," I admitted.

Leah sighed. "I'm truly trying not to be bitter over what happened. And once you get a bit of distance from the whole werewolf thing, you began to see that maybe your 'natural enemy' weren't such bad people, after all. Particularly when they give excellent advice."

"I'm glad you find happiness, Miss. Clearwater. Sorry, Mrs. Smith."

"I'm glad you did too. Though yours has lasted a lot longer than mine ever will."

"It's quality not quantity that's important," I reminded her. "I was just lucky and got both."

"Congratulations, Mrs. Cullen," Joe said to me. "You really are one of the nicest couples I've ever met. I remember at our wedding when you were talking to my young niece. She came away saying she thought she had met a secret angel. She was only four at the time in her defence. I'll have to ask her if she still believes that…" Leah snorted with laughter then, tapping her husband's chest.

"I'm not the only one who thinks hitting their husband is perfectly acceptable then," Rosalie said as she walked over.

"Of course not," Leah replied.

"Pfft, even I do it," I chimed in to great amusement.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked as he came to stand by my side.

"Goodbye everyone!" I shouted.

"Yep!" I said eagerly to my husband with a giddy laugh.

But as we drove away, I took one final look out the window.

"My family," I murmured. So many people I loved and cared about. The woman who had once thought she had nobody left to live for now had this large extended family.

"_Our_ family," my husband corrected. I knew it was the same for him. The man who had once been all alone now had people who he loved and cared about and vice versa.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

The second I stepped out of the car, Carlisle swept me of my feet so that he was holding me in bridal hold.

"I think that rule only counts with new brides," I reprimanded him teasingly.

"Well, I've decided it counts with re-married ones as well," he replied brightly. In a few brisk steps he had carried me to the door and across the threshold of the house. He suddenly came to a stop with a small gasp.

I soon realized what had caused his reaction.

"E.A.P.C," he read off the painting someone (my money was on Edward) had hung over the fireplace. "Esme Anne Platt Cullen."

"Happy anniversary," I whispered to my husband. He walked a little closer to the painting.

It was a family portrait – all thirteen members of our family were painted onto it. In the middle, I had painted Carlisle and myself. He had his arm around my waist, and my head was on his shoulder, we were both smiling softly. On one side of us was Rosalie and Emmett, who were stood with Emmett hugging his wife from behind, and Alice and Jasper, Alice was perched on Jasper's shoulders, resting her chin on his head. While on the other side of us was Bella and Edward, stood similar to Carlisle and myself, and their family: Nessie, Jacob, Seth, Carl, and Emmy. In the picture, Carl and Emmy were playing a game with Seth at their parents' feet, while their parents watched on. We were painted in front of the old house at Forks, the place were it was accepted by us all that our family had truly come together.

"It's beautiful," Carlisle murmured.

"I've been working on it since I got back from Columbus," I admitted.

"So it wasn't just me," Carlisle teased.

"You're not the only one who had some bad present buying to make up for."

"Yes, at least you remembered this anniversary," he said mischievously.

"I was distracted," I protested.

"Speaking of presents," Carlisle said with a grin, pulling a necklace box out of his pocket.

"And how clichéd is this present, Dr. Cullen?"

"I'd like to think not too much," he replied as he passed the box to me. Curiously, I opened it. There was a silver locket inside. I recognized the symbol on it instantly. It was the Cullen family crest – which I also had on a bracelet. In the lion's eye and in each of the three clovers was set a tiny diamond.

"It's beautiful," I murmured.

"Open it," Carlisle whispered the order in my ear. I did as he said. Two pictures were set in the locket. One was a picture of the painting in front of me. The other was from our wedding earlier.

"How, how, did you?" I stammered.

"Bella asked me to pass on a message. She said she can be a vampire camera ninja too."

I laughed then.

"I love it," I told him.

"I love you," he told me tenderly.

"I love you too," I pulled his face to mine. "Let's go upstairs. And I don't think there's a need for any hesitancy this time."

"Indeed, there isn't."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"Have you enjoyed your anniversary so far then, Mrs. Cullen?" Carlisle asked me as I curled up against him.

"Are you doing the Mrs. Cullen thing for nostalgias sake too?" I asked him teasingly.

"I'm fairly certain you're still Mrs. Cullen," Carlisle said, faking confusion.

I sat up and pinned my husband to the bed by his wrists.

"You know what I mean," I said accusingly.

"No, it's not just for nostalgias sake. I'll always enjoy calling you Mrs. Cullen. After a hundred years, I still can't believe it sometimes."

I relaxed my grip slightly, kissing my husband passionately. Next thing I knew he had flipped us over so it was me who had her wrists pinned to the bed.

"How. Do. You. Do. That?" I grumbled. My husband simply grinned devilishly before his mouth began to ravish mine again.

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"We need to go," my husband announced, getting out of our bed in a rush and beginning to get dressed.

"What's the rush?" I asked lazily, not having any desire to leave the bed where I had just made love to my husband several times

"The plane to Rio leaves an hour," he informed me.

"The plane to Rio?" I questioned. "I should have known."

"Get dressed, dear. For you being naked is very counter-productive when it comes to us getting to the airport on time," my husband said teasingly.

"We can always get a catch a different plane," I protested. I pulled my husband back towards me, trying to entice him back to bed. I began to unbutton the buttons he had only just fastened.

"How many planes do you think fly to Rio on Christmas Eve?" he whispered against my lips, capturing my hands.

"We don't need to go to the island. We can stay right here," I whispered back saucily. I pulled his lips back to mine, pulling him down onto the bed with me.

"It's sunny on the island," he reminded me.

"So?" I protested.

"Do I have to dress you?" my husband said sternly, but unable to hide his amusement.

"Darling, I think I'm doing a better job of undressing you." As I spoke I undid the last of his shirt button.

"Did you just call me darling?"

"Go ahead and tickle me," I teased with another encouraging kiss.

"You're a little minx, Esme Cullen, you know that?"

"And you're the lucky man whose married to me. So go ahead, start getting me dressed. My panties are on the floor and my bra is, somehow, on the chandelier again."

"Anyone would think you didn't want to be whisked away to your own private tropical island," my husband sighed.

"I suppose it is sunny," I agreed. At top speed, I gathered together all my clothing that had been spread across the room. My husband had managed to make himself look presentable, something I was certain I wasn't.

We made it to the plane with minutes to spare.

"Where did the Emily Bronte quote come from?" my husband asked out of nowhere as the plane set off.

"You had some of the Bronte sisters books right next to the Jane Austen ones," I teased him.

"Courtesy of the Denali sisters," he reminded me.

"How are they, anyway?" I asked sadly. "I'm surprised they didn't come – are they still being nomads?" Since the loss of their sister the Denali sisters had chosen to leave Denali. Carlisle had told me that they'd said they had done the same after the loss of their mother, leaving Russia for good. Garrett, who was now firmly mated with Kate, had been the one to suggest they took up a temporary nomadic lifestyle – in the hope that the different places and people would take their mind off of things. Last we had heard they were in Europe, and Kate had suggested she thought Tanya was actually falling for one of the human men she consorted with.

"Last I heard," my husband answered.

"That was a rather random question," I commented, trying to lighten the mood.

"I was just re-thinking over our wedding. Second wedding, that is," he told me, turning thoughtful for a moment and I let him have his space to think.

"Edward said we have souls," he finally said meditatively. "In his speech."

"I think Bella and Nessie and Carl and Emmy are proof to him," I pointed out. "Our brooding teenage son is gone."

"He stills shows up occasionally," Carlisle joked.

"Well, he is eternally seventeen in his defence."

"Edward said we had souls and I think Rosalie forgave me," Carlisle told me incredulously.

"He did and she did," I told him encouragingly.

"Still not the most amazing thing about that day though," he said tenderly stroking my cheek.

"You're a hopeless romantic, Dr. Cullen," I teased, rubbing my nose against him.

"Anyone ever told you the story about the pot and kettle?" my husband murmured in reply, before kissing the bridge of my nose.

"Touché," I admitted, stealing a quick kiss. Then I bent down to whisper in his ear saucily,

"Is the mile high club a club you can join twice?"

"Esme!" my husband said, shocked.

"You weren't complaining on the plane to Ireland. In fact, I believe that entire incident was your fault."

"Are you saying we shouldn't have?" he questioned with faked innocence.

"Well, we didn't get caught. So no, I'm not."

"Maybe we shouldn't take the chance again. Not unless you want all the families on this plane to have a _very _interesting start to Christmas."

"Fair enough," I admitted. "It'll just have to wait till we get to the island again."

~o~ ~O~ ~o~

"What are you thinking about?" I asked my husband. We were sat together on the shores of Isle Esme. My hands were tracing the glistening lines of his chest – Carlisle's point of the island being sunny being an advantage had been rather proved as we indulged in one of my favourite activities my island had to offer.

"My life," Carlisle replied ambiguously.

"What about it?"

He turned to look me straight in the eye then, and smiled. "How much better it became once you joined it." His hand began to caress my right leg – the one that I had broken all those years ago and brought us together for the first time.

"After so many centuries of loneliness, you made everything brighter. You were a breath of fresh air to me, you changed everything about me. After all those centuries of simply drifting through my existence, you gave me an anchor. I went from feeling like I simply existed to feeling like I was actually living. Everything that had ever happened to me suddenly seemed more than worth it, because I got to be with you in the end. And nothing will ever be more magical to me than the fact that you love me."

"How could I ever not?" I replied tenderly, cupping his face.

"I was just the oddity nobody had ever wanted. Not others of our kind, not even my own father."

I took my husband's hand within my own comfortingly.

"Do you still fear fire?" I asked him softly – he would understand the true meaning behind my question.

His face turned thoughtful for a second. "No," he answered unbelievingly. A look of delight spread across his face. "I don't think I do."

"You remember I told you how I had a realization in the Columbus graveyard. I think this is yours."

"I think you're right," he agreed. "Wait there!"

"Carlisle? What?" I stammered as he disappeared into the forest. He came back shortly with his arms full of wood. With sudden understanding, I realized what he was about to do.

Soon enough, I was warming my hands on a crackling bonfire. My husband stood with his arm around me, seemingly unbothered by the flames.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head. "No, you'll have to remind me," I joked.

My husband cupped my face, and with the utmost care tilted my head up towards him. He brushed his lips against mine, and then, torturously slowly, he finally sealed his lips against mine. But just then I pulled away, smiling wickedly. Carlisle tilted his head at me in confusion.

"That's not how it happened," I reprimanded him teasingly. "If memory serves me right – I kissed you." Before he could react I stood on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on his lips.

"I am not allowed to rewrite history?" my husband teased. I giggled.

"Feel free."

And so, just like I had over hundred years ago, I was once more kissed by the man I love, as a fire crackled beside us.

**~The End~**

* * *

**So a few quick questions on this epilogue/ this story if you wouldn't mind answering them. I know I've been dreadful at replying to reviews recently, but I am hereby promising to reply to all reviews on this chapter. So if you've never reviewed feel free to do so – it's your last chance.**

**1) Did you enjoy the epilogue? Do you feel Carlisle, Esme, the Cullens, and the pack were in the right place twenty years later?**

**2) Out of curiosity, how many of the hints back towards earlier chapters did you pick up on? Some of them are blatantly obvious, some more subtle.**

**3) What was your favourite chapter/ section/ moment in the entire story?**

**4) What bits do you feel need improving?**

**5) And again, out of curiosity, what inspired you to read this story in the first place?**

**So this is a final goodbye from me (perhaps!) I do have a few ideas for chapter updates/ outtakes but that's uni permitting so I make no promises.**

**If you made it here to the end, I hope you enjoyed the story and I thank you for making it through the whole 106 chapters with me!**


	107. Outtakes and Updates

Just to let you all know that there will be outtakes and updates posted in a new story entitled 'Their Lives and Love: The Outtakes.' The first outtake is up now, and when I update/ improve some of the current chapters of this story - as I'm planning on do - I'll be posting the new version there as well to make them easier to find (rather than searching through 106 chapters!) and will also allow those who have reviewed the original chapter already to leave reviews regarding any changes made. I hope to post the first update soon.

I hope you enjoy the outtakes!

P.S. Apologies to anyone who got an alert and was expecting a new chapter.


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